FULL video here: • How To Interpret Narci... INSTAGRAM: @richardgrannon Get your free "Stop Emotional Flashbacks" Course now at www.spartanlife... __________________________________ STOCK FOOTAGE CREDIT: Videvo
You're all labelling people. 😂 This is too good. The very thing you shouldn't do is label s there always a label for you... 😂 Life is shit and what we do is either make it shittier or great... 50 shades of shit! How brown is your life.... The lighter it is the harder it becomes... 😜 So we need our lives to be at the darker end of brown... Full rich soft and gentle. But stop and backtrack if it goes runny or too hard and black.... 😂 This is poo theory... Welcome in the world and see your future in the poo. 🤗😂
Yup. Jesus’ telloffs to the murderous Pharisees was better than some of these rap telloffs. And when he went gangsta on the money changers also. Oh yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. Lol.
Exacly! Cain was the first narcissist! people need to know that this is not something new, this so called narcissist is all over the bible, they are called wicked, scorners, liars, murderers, fools and so on... One thing i didnt like about Richard that in several of his teaching is straight from the bible but dont give God the credit. And the bible teaches that you should be bold like a Lion not a wolf! Colossians 3:22 (people-pleasing) "Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord." Mathew 10:16 (be cunning) "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." 1 Peter 5:8 (be vigilant) "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:" Proverbs 9:8 (dont engage) "Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee." Proverbs 25:28 (self-control) "Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control." Matthew 10:13 (observe not absorb) "And if the house be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you."
@@johannes3168 Richard told one of his employees to remove a thumbnail of Christ on instagram last night, then the image was swiftly removed. "Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits..." Matthew 7:15-20.
Johannes 3:16 I agree. I’m ok with him believing what he wants about God or evolution, but when I pored over scripture, I found also that the Bible had it going on with this whole narc thing. They just didn’t call it “narcissism” back then. I agree with a lot of what Richard says, but deep down, I take scripture very seriously. Also there’s scriptures about “leviathan” which is in Job. Some have said this is kind of the spiritual influence behind narcissism. And also the obvious “Jezebel spirit” but idk about that tho. But leviathan (possibly a croc or a dragon) is simply known as a formidable opponent. And then also the scripture about those with “reprobate minds” and how we should not bother trying to persuade them and just walk away from them. I did a timeline through the Bible and found a crap ton of narcissists, and the very first one was Lucifer, of course, but just not human. And I really just call it pride. It’s people overtaken with pride which blinds and darkens their minds and a lot of them to the point of no return and it’s eaten them alive like a monster (and many of the other seven deadly sins as well seem to have them by the jugular also-greed, lust, gluttony, etc). Narcs and Cluster Bs are the biggest prisoners and slaves to evil on the planet.
Regarding narcissists: "It's nonsense, guys and girls...you will be eaten by sharks." How true. We can be good people, but we must learn that there are many who do not play by our rules. To a narcissist, we are expendable. Don't let an evil narc use you. Knowledge is power. Be well.💜 Thank you, Richard, for using your good heart and intelligence to educate.💜
They like finding and picking at any old wounds. Hence it is so important to heal these from within. If someone manages to hurt you emotionally it is because there is an unhealed wound that lies unresolved. Melanie Tonia Evans has an interesting method called Quantum Healing.
I used to be a waitress, and I have first hand experience of this... the manager had to make someone cry at almost every shift! Usually when the restaurant was packed! He had his favourite targets whom he shouted at regularly. The rest of staff turned blind eye and walked on eggshells! It was mainly females he did it to... when he saw that the person broke and cried helplessly, he wore such a winning smile, not even hiding it! It was like he was a celebrity on stage! He never fired the person, which was strange. I thought, if she is doing so much mistakes, she'd be gone a long time ago, but it never happens. She ended up leaving instead! There was another girl he did it to on occasions, but there was a big difference... this other girl, matched him. She didn't run away, nor cry, she took his shouting to the face, to the point where their noses glitches... and she did the same back to him! he went off to his office and calmed down or picked on someone-else... its was absolutely insane to watch! I've also seen it played out differently in other restaurants, more covertly as well as working with nurses in the hospital wards... its everywhere! Just didn't understand it! Awareness is the best thing that's happening in society... thank you richard...
“It’s like day 2 of boxing for me when this person’s been at it for 18 years” this is why you shouldn’t beat yourself up about not knowing how the narcissists was, it’s like you’re going surfing and they’re boxing and they tricked you into thinking that they also wanted to go surfing. The narcissist thinks they’re smart/clever/cunning because they lied to you, anyone can lie, true cleverness is being able to get what you want without lying, I’d even go further and say true cleverness is being able to find an amicable situation for all involved without lies and deception.
My very good friend died just 2 weeks ago of MND, which I am convinced was brought on by her narc mother's relentless and vile bullying. She too kept it up to the bitter end and then stood weeping at her coffin. Awful woman. At least my lovely (people pleaser) friend is now at peace.
The solution is, you must double yourself. It is called “ observation of the second level”, observation how systems are functioning. Your true self must stay inside, the other has to control constantly the narc ( system ).
Yeah they sleep good! My ex narc couldn't sleep until he made me and his young daughter feel confused and scared and we couldn't sleep..... then off to bed he'd go and sleep well !
They are afraid of their own weakness, that's why they push it onto other, want to make others weak and when they become weak or even ill they are disgusted because they see their own weakness reflected to them. They want to be strong, they want to feel strong and that's why they need to act strong, especially with people who they see as weak, their prey, the ones they project their weakness onto. They will hate those people because they hate themselves. That's what I experienced with my mother and a close female friend when I got ill.
I just leveled up today. I finally made it to the safe level. Where I don’t have to talk about who I want to be I am who I want to be This video was very timely 💞
Wow- I haven't made it there yet. But reading this completely clicked with me. I have always felt that I wasn't enough and that I needed to tell people what I was going to do in the future. I look forward to this level up:)
I'm an empathetic person and have been working on addressing the codependent enabling habits I developed being raised by a narcissist borderline addict mother. I've been able to identify a lot of these behaviors in her. I describe her as an emotional vampire, she just sucks all of my energy with her behavior. It makes it very hard to maintain a positive relationship because other people dont see that side of her and try to pressure me and stand up for her. She's very good at garnering sympathy from people and twisting the way she represents situations. Trust is a big issue I have with her because if it.
I reflect on the ex (narc) telling me “you are the champion of the underdog”. I took it as a compliment but now realize that he was projecting his identification of the trait he treasured the most. He was able to take advantage of that and take what he wanted. Now that I am more realistic and reflective, he made himself into the victimized underdog to tap the goose for the golden egg. NC for almost two years. Listen carefully, they will tell you just what they are up to. We need to be discerning.
Well said. I just uncovered another narcissist in my life. I said, to myself, what the heck?!!? Why didn’t I spot it before? I need to catch these things faster before I get to the abuse part and they smack me down so hard that I am fighting for my life to come back. The damage they can do is severe. And I don’t have time, money, or energy to spend in recovery mode all the time. I hope I can learn the signs faster. That image thing is so hard for me to crack. I take people for who they say they are, but there’s so much more going on beneath the surface.
This is exactly how my ex was with me being diagnosed stage 4 cancer, in fact he said it was just an excuse to stay in bed ornot work a fulltime job etc even though he sat there with the cancer doc who said for me to just focus on getting better and dont worry about not working right now that my health was more important. This ex asshole has run out of ways to manipulate and abuse me, hes besides himself and i know hes going crazy in his head right now trying to figure out a way back in, lol, hes out of luck and time. Told him to go get angry with himself and to go fuck himself. Im out! Lol
Edit: Oh, I assumed this was in the past. Still, don't stop fighting it. One stress is gone and that will make it easier. Stay positive and know there are good people in the world who want the best for you just by default.
Oh man!!! That’s disgusting!!! Stage 4... an excuse? So sorry you had to tolerate this man... but you said ‘ex’ so he’s out? And you? How’s your health????
@@TheLove2surf my health is alright, he is still around but we are not together, he works most of the time now and is waiting on a house he is buying to move his stuff out of my house. All his belongings are in the livingroom and trailer. Being winter right now makes it hard to move. Im way up north in Canada, near the hudson bay past the 53 parallel, next to the polar bears lol. But im good, im strong and he has come to realise i have no buttons for him to push. His hands are tied so to speak. I do so much better without him and im making new friends and getting in with the community, growing food to help others, started crafting and drawing/writing again and im renovating my recently purchased home, just mine. Its what i need to do. Its all about me now, he is no longer a priority or anything for that matter, i despise that guy lol
My mother did it whenever she believed she needed to show that she was not like me, and much better 'bred'. For example, I was recovering from theater and just regaining consciousness, and apparently taking 'loudly'. My 1st waking moments were filled with my HIGHLY medically educated mother chastising me in rather loud stage whispers (designed for all to hear) for being selfish and disturbing others. The reality is my mum knew this is a normal response, knew that no-one else was upset by my groggy conversation, and yet felt the need to show that SHE isn't like me. SHE knows better than to upset others. SHE gave me better standards, but I am a the problem that refuses to be as perfect as her.
My mother always said: "Learn their (narcissists) rules sweetheart, identify the game and identify the players of the game - just don't become a player." I finally now, after many years of emotional and mental abuse, understand and am learning to live by what she wisely suggested! (I was a prior people-pleaser codependent.)
I used to listen to this episode so many times 5,6 years ago. Knowing the word narcissism and its real meaning was such a total game changer for me. I’ve grown a lot since then and am so proud of myself. Thank you, Richard
That makes sense...5, 6 yrs ago. Somehow i missed this one. So sorry. This has been my experience at home and occasionally, at work. I have moved away from them since after suffering a long time. . But had that corrupted software in me telling me, that i was such a bad deal for them and they wanted to prove to the world by yelling worse in public. Had so much going for me... and my contribution to them, but they had to break me in public.
I remember too-first learning about all this stuff. Same here. And Richard Grannon was one of the first ones I ran across. I guess something like over 4 years ago. Knowing and learning all this stuff changed my entire life for the better.
There's also the fact of if you comment about a lady's watch, or if you compliment their look, they think they are being "harassed", even at work, and they invert that mindset and bring that to HR, which is ridiculous. To me or they are being paranoid, or they had some sort of issues in the past.
This sort of thing seems to be getting out of hand. My teenage son was accused of "sexual harassment" because he shared a rude joke with a classmate that the teacher happened to overhear. The joke had nothing to do with the teacher. I went to the school and insisted on a formal apology to my son and a formal withdrawal of the accusation. How ridiculous is it when a professional adult thinks she's being harassed by a kid. What you said about commenting on a lady's look; it should not be that way. You should be free to compliment someone without it being seen as some sort of crime.
@@dforme1 a healthy narcissistic response to somebody who is perhaps trying to string you along to do something you ultaimtely don't want to do is to simply say no. Richard so this in another video. Anger and even psychopathy can be useful because they dull the fear an empath might have of directly stating their point. And yes it most definitely bleeds into other relationships.
I think this is actually the best video I've ever seen regarding narcissists... and I've seen a LOT! He is 100 percent right. Being nice and expecting people to be nice back, or thinking the universe will look after you.... NO. It doesn't work like that. We think it should but it does not. "Neurotic naivety" is a brilliant way to describe this sort of thinking. You have to wise up and realise there are terrible people in the world who will destroy you and enjoy every minute of it.
What you forgot to mention in your boxing metaphor is, they also have your innocence. While telling you they are helping you, they sign you up for the fight, abuse you, ie: train you till fight night, then after your opponent has beat the crap out of you, your narc jumps over the ropes, taps you on the shoulder and lays you out. You wake up in their "loving" arms after they've told everyone how they tried to warn you, and to please have pity on them for knowing you and putting up with your crap.
You found the keys. This is so sad but true. Be ready for the push back when your cunningness escapes their games. You can beat that too, just be ready for it! Be cunning across a narc or be played/emotionaly devoured.
Re the dying son, so very sad, but I have seen similar. The damage they do on humanity is worse than the worst criminals behind bars. I was the dumbest sheep in the valley. 'Shall I fleece, slaughter and roast myself for you, oh I'm so sorry, I don't have organic mint sauce to put on the serving platter'.
My narcissist uncle went so far as to call my mother up as she lay on her death bed and tell her that according to his religion ("NSA Buddhist," whatever that is...) that he had no responsibiliry for having raped and molested her when she was a child 50 years earlier. She gave up trying to fight her cancer at that moment, refused to eat another bite and died a few weeks later... 😢 But he went on to live another healthy 26 years after that, to the age of 91. His kids call me petty for refusing contact with him thereafter. Words cannot express the bitterness that I have for this demon.
1. Narcs are emotional rapists. And we don’t go to the police, because we must feel we ‘were asking for it’. Just when I thought it was safe to go out. Right now I received an epiphany that I have a female friend who shouts at me in public and is so image conscious. Incredibly so. Overtly so; and is so controlling and jealous behind closed doors. My god. I am gobsmacked. Now that I know; I will be more aware. She’s made me cry before, with what she refers to as tough love. But I go back for more and try to win with no boxing gloves on. She’s knows I’m a softy and that she can bully me. So thank you for your wisdom once again. I will watch her from the wings from now on. We are in a sports team so I can’t avoid her but I can be armed. 2. You say the narcissist can demolish you. She won’t but my ex did. The brain damage is equivalent to blunt trauma with a club. It’s a long road to recovery. But I’m more or less there now thanks to great people like you who have the understanding and experience to share your learnings with us. We are so grateful. Not only are you changing lives but you’re saving them on a daily basis I am sure. Thank you Richard.
Soul Counsellor yes I know. But as I say we are on a team together. I will no longer take anything she says on board. I know she is so very insecure deep down.
@@Celt_Downunder Sorry, I just skimmed read, my bad. Yes that makes it difficult. Definitely she is stroking her false narssistic self in front of others and is using you to prop up that false self. They walk amongst us. Its so bloody difficult dealing with them when we have too. I now just perceive them as toddlers, it helps. Good luck going forward Sophie.
Soul Counsellor I realise that when you finally see who they are and feel sorry for them they no longer have power. I do like the toddler analogy. She has to be the prettiest little girl in the room LOL. Which means I just be a threat LOL. Thank you for your comments.
I just listened to you tell the story of the the young man who died from cancer and the narcissist Father. This hit home for me. My son was never accepted by his narcissistic Father. He suffered depression and took drugs, I managed to help him get off Ice on two occasions. He was diagnosed with leukaemia and went through hell and died 11 months later. It broke my sole and I left his Father two years later after 40 years of overt abuse.
= Wow !!! Impressive delivery here ~ very insightful and freeing in its entire content -- I feel narcissistic people as vampires that can only be sustained by other people's energy ( attention is what they FEED ON ...) EGOCENTRICITY & ECCENTRICITY controls them ... to destabilize everyone within their grasp and GRIP }
He shouts at her in public, because he KNOWS, how much it bothers her... they don't attack you, where you can handle it easy... they feel your wound points and rub it there when it hurts the most... Actually just like kids, they would not drop to the floor and scream for sweets at home, but as it bothers mommy badly in public, they do it in the shop, where there are many spectators...
After walking away from Narc mother/enabler family a few years back... came across another Narc in work circles, someone with power and esteem who tried to entice/seduce.... although it took some time to realize what was happening, I saw through the mask! Thanks to people like Richard and these videos, thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart! Yes, be smart! Don't jump into anything no matter how much they love bomb you, make them wait while you make SURE!!!
My goodness! Max made my heart melt 🐶🐾🐺 As an doe-eyed Empath I can tell you that I was very ill-equipped to deal with the narc sharks that destroyed my life --- and when I realized what was happening and discovered NPD, like most Empaths and people-pleasers I wondered if I was the narc or borderline. Man, oh man, you definitely feel like you're becoming borderline or histrionic as you deal with them and their bullshit and try to process it and put it into coherent sentences when you describe the tactics and games to other people. For people that haven't experienced full-blown narcissistic abuse, I'm sure they think you have lost your marbles, I'm sure they think you're making it all up because it's that extreme!
My neighbour died weeks ago from cancer, her husband did not call the docter, luckily their son came to visit after some weeks of absence and did. She was brought to hospital, was dehydrated and had lost lots of weight and needed minerals very badly. He had not been given her something to drink or eat and she was to sick to get it herself. I did not know until she was in hospital where she died after 2 weeks. It still gives me pain to think of this and see him around. In search for an other person to look after him proparly. He told her he would do that when she was in hospital, he was the victim of this he told her.
Hooooly FUUUUCK! This video has made me aware of a few people in my life past and present who I will definitely be keeping close tabs on... Also so gas. The 'ooh im just kidna niave lol, universe is good to me, i trust' so true. Watching Avatar and learning to discern that actually if someone is behaving really horribly then likely, they're probably pretty horrible.
omg, you just explained my life almost to a T! everything you said, and most of your videos, are so entirely accurate Richard.its almost uncanny.thank yhou so very much for all your content and caring enough to share your valuable depth of information!
I found that learning to be more wolf is so much easier if you deal with your emotional flashbacks first.. It freed up so much of my shame associated with my naivety .. Learning to have a “strong bite “if needed and keeping your heart soft is a skill worth having in your set of tools to a happier life. Thank you Richard 🙏☯️🐺💫🧿
My mother did this to my sister. She watched her take her last breath dying of cancer and was berating me about how I didn't love her; but I realized that she made my sister deaf when she was a baby to get the attention of having a handicap child.
I have seen this when eating out and these narcissists humiliate the waiters or waitresses in public putting them down in font of an audience. If you watch Coronation street at the moment there is a fine example of a narcissist where a man is breaking down the soul of his wife.
I don't watch the soaps anymore but I'm glad these people are being portrayed on t.v. It could open some innocent people's eyes that such toxic people exist and ring alarm bells if they ever meet one.
Max the wolf!! You have a star on the channel!🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 For the rest of it (lol) this was really something I appreciated. And I catch my brain asking this question I’ve never really thought of at this level before: how on earth do they do it? Finding the “right” persons to try to break down for their gain, is that their superpower? Well I guess we all have our them, the superpowers. One of mine is actually seeing through bs. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean one bit that I’m protected from being destroyed (temporarily). Because their energy alone and all their talking has sucked the life force out of me before I’ve left them. I have a lot of work to do still. Luckily that’s up to me. Thank you for the video. Oh and thank you for pointing out that about non malignant BPD. One of my best friends had that, severely. And I say “had”, because it’s not unheard of or not even uncommon that people with that diagnosis grow out of it, so to speak. But that’s not my point, my point is, she destroyed so much for me and our friendship, and she’s one of the most genuine, caring, non-judgmental, persons I know. To see her development out of that black-and-white borderline personality thinking, the paranoid thoughts and jealousy, has been awesome. Both BPD and NPD can wreak havoc, but they’re not the same thing.
Super interesting channel, so glad I stumbled onto it. You're content is very entertaining and really insightful so far. this is my first time dealing with a narcissist's behavior (real NPD no empathy stuff) irl and really needed some info. Cheers!
It's not nonsense. The key is to first learn to treat YOURSELF in the exact way you project into others. Again, there's no way to ever expect others to do to you what you fail to do for yourself. This is the principle of the spiritual path being distorted by simply thinking you're a good person and that alone will work. You have to recognize that you've been abandoning yourself in order to do for others what you wish done to you, this won't work. You have to first learn that YOU need to give yourself the honor, respect and responsibility to be who you are aside from anyone's approval and then you're protecting yourself from abuse instead of finding yourself locked in cycles you no longer want repeating. The universe is trying to tell you something if you find yourself in the same types of relationships over and over, so figure out what it is that YOU need to learn and move on with the confidence that you will no longer be treated that way again. Thank you Rich for teaching me so much about Narcissistic abuse and what the psychology of these relationships really do to a person, how to recognize them and to no longer tolerate them in my life EVER again!!!!
I think this was an excellent video Richard. I had to get "smart" after years of going to spiritual retreats with my husband. He was really good looking and had woman falling all over him...in front of me. I was young and bought into the whole just chant your way to being free. Meanwhile my hubby got lots of attention and was sleeping around behind my back. I still have trouble with the fact that my daughter ignores what he did to me . She has never stood up to her dad and thinks that by not saying anything to him she is not taking sides. I think if you do not say something to a person when they committ terrible things then you are actually giving them the impression that they did nothing wrong. This is a difficult issue with grown adult children. Would you care to comment on this at all. Maybe even do a video.
One way to screw up the hustle is to tell them you don't want things you are ok with, ITS EASIER TO FOOL SOMONE AGAIN THAN THAT TO HAVE THEM ADMIT THEY HAVE BEEN FOOLED, OVER & OVER, IGNORANCE SPREADS.
There's OCD, a generally distressed person carrying out rituals and repetitions, harmless enough overall. Nothing is aimed at another human. There's OCPD which is something much different. The latter one is potentially abusive, that's my thoughts on it.
Empaths make the most magnificent Warriors once they've broken through. Why? Because they can think like and even become their enemy. With any training, empaths are the worst enemies to have. Recently, I've recalled people always calling me sensitive as a kid because ugliness would make me burst into tears. I saw plenty of ugly. Amazingly, every bully who ever threatened to kick my ass in school I beat down without fail. I never lost a fight. They seem like they wouldn't go together in the same person, but by now oh, of course they do! They absolutely do.
I ONCE DID THIS SHIT!!! Control Freak personified. Usually over nonsensical shit or fear. And then I got my ass kicked by extreme anxiety attacks. The anxiety, as I have discovered through a TON of therapy and internal examination, was from a childhood filled with emotional abuse (slight physical abuse) from my father and physical abuse from a sibling. I guess I always had anxiety attacks, they just grew more prevalent with age. When diagnosed, I was shocked. What the hell is Anxiety?! I don’t have panic attacks! Nope not the same thing. The Cause can be the same, but for me and MY world, the two are very very, different. Anyway, I cannot ever apologize enough to my husband of 35 years for the shit I put him through. It’s been over 15 yrs since my ‘rebuild’ and he has forgiven me; he says he knew I wasn’t a horrible person, that something triggered it somehow. God Bless him. Now if I can just forgive myself...
OMG!!! How can I fight with a human being that can be not defeated? I'm really trying to learn thinking how do they do this. And It's how you assertively describe, I am like meat in front of a shark. I think that I can really make life less hard to people I love, starting to me of course! Thanks for information here, It's saving my life. Mindset changing is in my order of the day.
"The naivety is the opening and the leverage for them to get to you." As in the way my neighbor, who would ultimately throw me out because he couldn't control me to his satisfaction, did when we were first becoming acquainted. He actually started to create a persona for me. He described it to me: I was naive, gullible, sheltered, timid, "a nice lady whose feelings must not be hurt" but who must accept him exactly as he is for us to continue into a relationship. I dismissed it because I have no friends who would describe me that way, but I also felt stripped bare because as a "nice person" I was probably all of those at one time or another. He was actually constructing a role for me in his life that he could exploit, test, nurture and, if it didn't work out, that would be exactly the rationale for throwing me out on my ass, which he did, months later. Since then I have been recovering by doing a lot of homework and work on myself through the RU-vid tarot readers and Richard Grannon and Les Carter and others. I know look at this individual and thank my lucky stars that he did throw me out, because I sure would not want to be in the kind of relationship he now has with the woman who took my place. Eat, sleep, watch TV, and have endless sex.
It's a prima ballerina dance with the mind's bad wolves to assert a dominant truth while living in a house full of venomous snakes. You can't sit still or you'll be consumed. If you misstep they bite. If you freeze in fear the Gorgon wins.
I was also pushover for whole my life, since I am not.... people suddenly avoiding me. LOL.....I like space! And peace! Richard! Thank you for your work! Magdalena
Richard you mentioned anyone suffering with CPTSD should get over it in roughly 2 years. I don't agree. It woukd depend very much on how old that person is and what caused it. Threading a needle takes time. There is no time limit to healing. Anyone who has got stuck for 10 years isn't using the tools. Owning a crew driver won't loosen the screw, using it will.
Dressing-down someone in public = public humiliation. It's a great weapon. The public bystanders usually know nothing about either one of you or the situation, and so they are being manipulated into assuming that the narc is justified and you must have done something really bad. That elevates the narc is his/her own estimation, and as they are acutely noticing the reactions around them, they bask in the awe and admiration they think they are inspiring in the onlookers. It used to be called "creating a scene." I have heard mothers doing this to their children in public places like the supermarket and once in a library where the mother was creating much more of a distraction than her children ever were (they were cowering) and I finally had enough and told her off. My mother used this weapon and my younger sister learned it from her. I have had it done to me by others as well. Interestingly, whoever you are with such as a boyfriend or other sibling will not stand up for you. Wonder why? The narc is so good at influencing others that they will smile or grovel or turn on you or leave the scene rather than stand up to the bully. Because at bottom, the narc is a bully.
As W. C. Fields said, There's a sucker born every minute. That's an old school term for pushover, gullible, easily conned. The entire U.S. has been confronting this for the last 4 years. Only recently have we begun to suspect that we are looking at an individual whose role models were gangsters and dictators, whether in the movies or real life. We don't want to get our hands dirty by learning to think like him, but we must. His ways are so devious, hidden, confusing and INTENTIONALLY SO that good people can't fathom it, can't wrap their heads around it, and are appalled. But we MUST learn to read between the lines, to actually believe the worst, to understand that a personality like this is fixed and immutable. Most of us know narcissists in our own lives, but nothing on a scale like this.
Narc behaviour appears to impact the sympathetic nervous system of the victim, if you've grown up with narcs, you don't know this and once you enter adulthood you are no longer in control of it, they are. When they 'push our buttons' they are basically influencing this system and are able to get us to react the way they want us to. Once I realised this, I set about learning how to strengthen my mind and my reactions via the parasympathetic system. The only method that's been able to enable me to do this, is the Wim Hof Method. Since then I've felt such a sense of strength and control over my reactions and mind which I was unable to do before. I was able to go 'no contact' and now minimal contact, but my reactions are under my control not theirs. It's taken a year and a half to achieve this and at times it was like a living hell because of the attachment trauma and desperation to return to the 'fantasy' that they'd created. But now I'm the 'acceptance of reality' stage, I still get quite angry at times, but much less and I can talk myself out of it and focus on the present.
I didn't know narcissists could be quiet and passive. I've been really observing my husband. Now, he isn't all caught up in image like "perfect hair" but "see me as a great person" yeah
Richie I asked an awake Narc friend about this because I experienced it too and it made no sense given the image obsession and here’s what he said: first it’s enraging to see your supply being liked and feeling confident in a group it’s simply enraging there’s no other thoughts except to wipe that smile off her face and yelling is the instinctive reaction to that kind of injury it puts him back into his 2 year old mind when momma got dressed to go out on a date and craved attention from others and ignored him it’s just that painful and that childish of a reaction and there’s no time to think just react. Second, if you think about it Ns care about their image yes but not the socially acceptable one which includes manners and decorum that you and I ascribe to! I said think about it because if you look back you’ll probably remember how many times they purposely don’t follow good manners and decorum in public and expect to be treated exceptionally! They care about their image in terms of how they look, their material possessions, accomplishments etc but are sorely lacking in appropriate social skills especially if you know them long enough and enrage them and Thirdly, they have an incredible ability to do something inappropriate, wrong, and even illegal and sleep like a baby as you said so they don’t give their actions of yelling and how it affected anyone another single thought they simply think I did what I had to do and that’s it. If you or I lost it in public we would assess how we could make up for it maybe apologize and at the least feel bad or embarrassed but nope not another bit of mental energy wasted on what just happened I did what I had to do and what she deserved moving on. Hope that helps a little
Someone like Sam Vaknin who realizes what / who they are not that they plan on changing any time soon but that they recognize their condition and are willing to talk about it and share their internal experience. Is “woke” the urban dictionary term lol I don’t know.
My ex boyfriend is a narcissist. He thought very highly of himself like being a genius, in what??? was my first thought when he said that to me. He was looking far older for his age, pale and pasty, already balding and had always anxiety attacks. As a collegue thought he was half way his thirties while he is 29 that broke his ego. He wanted me to say: " Oh no, you are a Greek God" but I laughed and said nothing to comfort him. He didn't like that. So glad that I kicked him out and ignored him.
So glad you don't take the easy route of saying "these people" are demons. "These people" are often our grandparents, parents, siblings, etc. And a lot of the time, "these people" are us. We all fall somewhere along the spectrum of narcissistic traits. It's a cop-out to label narcissists as demons. It excuses us from looking too hard at our own selves.
Best comment I've seen on presentations of this topic. A narcissist will not consider the possibility of being or having been narcissistic. Private humility and self examination/introspection to face it is a way out of evil.
They are afraid of their own weakness, that's why they push it onto other, want to make others weak and when they become weak or even ill they are disgusted because they see their own weakness reflected to them. They want to be strong, they want to feel strong and that's why they need to act strong, especially with people who they see as weak, their prey, the ones they project their weakness onto. They will hate those people because they hate themselves.
No need to defeat them, just leave them, learn all you can learn from your own behavior in this relationship and go on with your life. You'll 'smell' the rats from far with time and you just let them play their game with someone else. It all is a way to learn about yourself, not the easiest way, but hey...
Thank goodness for this place. Im being gaslit but I'm wise to it. I do not have dementia. Nor am I stupid. I keep records. Why tho? It's so complex this whole thing.
EMPATHIC ability does not come with a predestined behavior pattern (agenda) and is simply the ability to perceive emotional energy (wellbeing-suffering). Being empathic does not fit in with the conditioning to service others needs. However an empath with lack of boundaries "porous" will require attention to developing and differentiating.
Thank you Richard ! cunning as Wolf and harmless as Horse ! What animal I will be if I could it is a Horse , now with new knowledge I will be a Wolf too ! 💜💜
