I’m an ISTP married woman (to an ISTJ) who can relate to your story. We argued a lot in the beginning but the arguments gradually came father apart. Now we don’t argue much at all and, if we do, we reconcile very quickly because we have learned that we enjoy cooperating so much more than wasting time and energy on disagreement. We definitely have strengthened our sense of commitment, dedication, and respect through the years by repeatedly working things out and staying together. The relationship has been based on friendship. In the beginning I wondered if it was love if I didn’t feel “in love”; fortunately I got good advice not to be concerned about whether I had a “head over heels” experience. I had a dream that let me know our relationship, rather than being a rocket ship passion that ascends dramatically upward but then turns to fall to earth just as quickly, is more like us enjoying a cozy fireplace fire - the experience is very pleasant and the fire produces a lot of steady heat. We’ve been together 34 years (married 29.) ❤️ Best wishes on your marriage and family life! 👍✝️😊
I approached getting married the same way you did, very practically. I couldn’t say “I love you,” and still struggle with that. Like you said, committing your life to someone is love in itself. Congratulations on your marriage and your baby!
It's very brave of you to go through the relationship not seeming to be romantic like others. I would have worried a lot and be suspicious that something might be wrong with this relationship if I was in your situation. But this video really inspired me a lot.
I loved this. I am an INFP, and everything you said made logical sense in my mind. I was aware of some of my husband's flaws before getting married. Also, I had a fear of commitment before deciding to commit. Also, I understand that getting married is your ultimate proof that you love him. I love how logical you are in this video.
I really appreciated what you said about gaining another type of freedom to have the best relationship possible with your boyfriend. As a female Christian ISTP who recently broke up in part because of my fear of commitment this is something I’m going to remember.
Your experience is very inspiring and even reassuring ! I am an INFJ and I have a similar experience with my ISFP boyfriend :) We became friends for a year and a half before dating, and we didn't feel romantic attraction towards each other at first. One day I realized that I liked everything he was as a person, and to me that was love before even feeling it on the inside. So I decided to give it a try because I knew I would regret it if I didn't. We didn't have that honeymoon phase either. We were fully aware of our differences from the beginning, and we both enjoyed our independance. It was more the complicity of two best friends. And I realize that the beginning was probably the "hardest" part, because the more we get to know each other, the more we adjust and discover common interests and ways to communicate better. Our relationship is definitely growing stronger with time. I appreciate that you highlight that because that's not something we hear very often, that it can actually be a really good sign for a well balanced relationship. Thank you !
Great video thanks -- as an ISTP myself I too struggle with commitment lol Seeing marriage as another type of freedom is an interesting way of seeing it though so thanks
Hi Veronica! Lovely to see more ISTPs participating in the typology space. :) I am wondering if you would like to be interviewed by me on my YT channel. I interview people of the 16 types and it would be an absolute honor to have you on!!
As an ISTP female, I always wondered about the dynamic of marriage and commitment. Not to say I am opposing of the concept of a long term partnership, but I think there needs to be a practicality for ISTP to associate ourselves with such a long term partnership. There needs to be security, in order to invest our time and effort to it. Plus emotional maturity is something needed to create a healthy relationship. Also is it worth the challenges of having another person in your life. It's nice to see other ISTP females giving advice and experience in marriage. I am unsure if marriage is in my books but I will not devalue this opportunity if I met a great partner or perhaps a great friend first.
5:36 ill ber honest you had me worried, but for me that is, not only a profound concept but a timely one as well. I have to stop the video to think on that one so it doesnt get lost. TY
My INFJ husband recently linked me to one of your videos--to which my response was "who's an ISTP?" He replies, "You are!" I say, "!No, I'm ISTJ..." Turns out my intuitive husband was right. My whole ISTJ delusion was a lie (that's how I realized I was NOT an ISTJ) Your videos might as well be analyzing my own brain--and for that I say "thank you!" It's nice to better understand my habits, vices, and preferences. (I also have many crafty pursuits including pyrography--and I play flute). Your approach to dating your *now*husband was very similar to us. We both had come out of college-era relationships knowing what we did and did not want. We both fully desired honesty, open communication, and to set clear expectations. Mutual friends introduced us, and thus we had a large community to vouch for our characters. Until our wedding day, our relationship was completely long distance while we were each in our respective grad programs. After 2 months of intentional communication we officially started dating during our first visit together during Thanksgiving Break. We got engaged during Christmas break because it just made sense--we each knew that life would be much better going through it together (the proposal wasn't planned, there was no ring, but he still got down on a knee). I saw him twice more over the spring semester, then we married in June during my week-long semester break (the only practical time). We've been married over 16 years now. There is so much freedom where there is love :) I also love that he continues to want to know me and to help me know myself--and that he sends me RU-vid video links (like this link to your channel). So, thanks for opening yourself up to the world--by doing so you help others (like myself) feel seen as well.
Please Accept My Sincere Gratitude! Helped a lot ! Actually my girlfriend is an ISTP as well and she says she does Love me more than she can express but sometimes her actions speak otherwise! Or is it normal for an ISTP to Stay detached n vanished? It's all fairly new! Need your help, understanding her better!! Thank You
You're back! I am an istp having a crush on an intj guy , didn't the se-ni cause any competition or make you feel controlled around ? Not talking about commitment.
@@istpperspective2390 like you know ni tells you what you want so if you want different things what do you do , you just discuss it rationally? Well , but at times it becomes hurtful when one side gives up what they want many times . Also , you both don't like being told what to do and I heard intjs could be a little bossy and istps could be stubborn sometimes , so what about this ?
@Malak Asghraf Ok I kind of see what your saying. I do have a tendency to be stubborn, but I’m not too extreme. I think I can be pretty reasonable. It also helps that I’m not controlling, so I don’t feel the need to have my way in every little thing. I wouldn’t say my husband is bossy, but he is very vocal about things he doesn’t like. So it can appear bossy, but he’s actually not trying to be controlling at all. It hasn’t been a problem because we both try to be flexible and understanding of each other and we keep getting better at that with time.
I married an N Hero (ENFP) and that was my experience. It was difficult until she started picking up on my patterns, that it started to get easier. We have our issues but the compatibility ones, she and i quickly snuff out with systems and solutions =-)
I am so glad you are back! I love your videos so much! Do you maybe know what enneagram type is your husband? Also, I am INFJ with ISTP brother and we have always got along very well but only because I silence my Ni and especially my Fe since he is very uncomfortable with it and try to use my Ti and Se. I would like to have a more genuine relationship with him. Do you maybe have some advice since you have INFJ sister?
Thank you! I believe he is a 1w9. And that’s a hard one… I’ve always gotten along really well with my sister, but our situation is probably different because I’ve always admired her Ni and Fe, and tried to emulate it. So she always respected my strengths a lot, but I also looked up to her strengths.
@@istpperspective2390 That is really great, that's the type of relationship I have with my best friend who is an ISTP. But, my brother is still young I believe he will learn the importance of developing his weaker spots. Thank you so much for replying, I look forward to your future videos!
I really don't see the reason to get married unless you want to have kids. Kids do a lot better in a two parent household, they do best in an educated two parent household. Other than that, marriage is just a way to transfer wealth from the higher earning spouse( usually the man), to the lower earning spouse (usually the woman), when divorce happens, and that's bull.
Marriage is a sacred covenant between a man, a woman, and God in Heaven. It is a total exclusive giving to your spouse, being open to procreation. That 100% commitment requires a priest’s blessing and an official public expression (document.). Anything less is not true. False and or strictly utilitarian relationships undermine those involved instead of enhancing them. Humans were meant for more than that and so they will not be truly happy in non-marital sexual relations. ✝️😊
@@traditionalgirl3943 Yeah that's only your opinion. Some people are not religious and don't believe in god(s). In the absence of that, marriage is just a government contract that says 2 people have decided to register their relationship with the government.
I think marriage can have different meanings depending on the person. For me, marriage is a sign of devotion in a relationship. I probably wouldn't share my finances much because people have different habits and priorities
If the percentage you take out of the marriage is different, then shouldn't the percentage you put in he different too? The lower earning spouse (women earn only 70% of men in the same field), should only put in her percentage too. Anything over that, like childbirth, should be compensated appropriately. Or does your attitude only work if you come out ahead both in what you put in and what you get out of a marriage.
Marriage is the foundation of society and often the only way it can prosper. All of the most powerful civilizations started through absolute monogamy and a nationalist culture.
