Dating Games: What to do when he pulls away 

Everytime he pulled away from me I loved him less. One day he pulled himself away and another man pushed himself in. I didn't cheat, I just replaced trash with treasure. No regrets. Looking back i think we women make too many excuses for bad men. They can make their own excuses.

this is the best advice ever on not being pushy...knowing your worth and letting people be however they choose to be

As a guy, I can say that this is spot on. When men get confused emotionally, we tend to pull away and shut down a bit. Like a bear going back to its cave. If a woman then goes chasing after him (Especially aggressively and negatively), it will make (Usually, if the guy has any spark inside of himself) a giant argument / fight / breakup. However, if the woman gives him some time to himself, goes and does her stuff, he will come out of the cave like 'Hey, where is my Honey? :s' and wander back to her ;) I will add that it's also important then for the woman to say like 'Dear, what's wrong? Why did you get scared / angry /confused etc?' Then he will (Or, I will...) be ready to talk about things and sort feelings. Even as thoughtful and contemplative as I can be, I find these emotions (From life...) at times confusing. We (Men) are not allowed nearly the leeway as women to express ourselves emotionally. This doesn't mean the woman should coddle the man by doing this every time (It leads to spoiled brat behaviour), just don't run after us with a rolling pin every time. Maybe once ;)

I’m done with dating 👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾 sick of the games

If only I came across this video 10 years ago! I used to panic when my most significant ex pulled away. I didn't realize till much later that I loved him so much that his pulling away was re-creating my abandonment fears, i.e. subconsciously triggering my deepest childhood fears when my dad would get cold/angry toward me and I thought I was going to die. Once I did a LOT of self-work (years!), I finally got to the place of loving non-attachment more and more, so that I am more comfortable allowing people to fluidly go and come without reacting so much.

These videos helped through the most painful loss...i could barely breathe. You are a healer and a beautiful person inside and out. Thank you for your life saving work.

This is absolutely the best dating advice I have received... I am currently in a dating situation where I have very strong feelings for this man, but lately he has been somewhat distant. He has not told me that he wants to break up and not see me again but he is not reaching out to me in the way I would like him to. I miss him very much and would like to spend more time with him. After watching this video, I have gained tremendous insight and encouragement. Thank you so much Susan. 😊

Susan I love your videos and beautiful energy. When a man pulls away from me, for me is an END...no consistency, no frequency so for me is GOODBYE! And I don’t nor I am interested in rekindle or reconnect. Most of the time this happens early stage of dating and pulling away adds up to other behaviours that show disrespect and uninterested. I have no patience to give them space in my life when they show up strong interest at the beginning and then I am not priority. 💃🏻🌷

You are an amazing woman Susan! I'm a 30 year old man and found myself pulling back for the reasons you said. More often then not I pull away when girls act indifferent or more specifically girls who show no emotions of appreciation that displays they value my time/worth.

I just did everything you said and I nearly pulled my hair out because I was so anxious but I said no I'm ignoring him not being available to him...so the whole weekend I was super busy I ignored his calls and texts and one's I did respond to it was short and after waiting to answer. He felt it right away and was blowing me up. So after I kept it up he was like heI think we need to talk and I was trying to remain bubbly which wad super hard but I did and was like what do we need to talk about then he brought it uo so I gently brought up everything not accusatory and stayed positive. He actually apologized and said he didn't realize how strong his feelings were for me and he said he didn't like that feeling and told me to never let him pull away again. I'm on cloud 9 literally but I am still cautious and listening to you 😉

i need to hear this today. it’s been 4 days of no contact. he said he needs time to himself. i asked him if he wants to break up.. “he said he doesn’t want to, it’s just him.” so i respected it and i went back to being busy and working out every day to keep my mind off it.

Susan I must say ... you make so much sense when you explain a subject matter... I'm usually the conversationalist in the bunch but I could listen to you all day!.. great job!

Men moving forward emotionally will then pull back in physical action. I'm experiencing this now.

Susan, I've learned so much from your channel about this dynamic and have had great results... Both men and women have a certain degree of anxiety getting when into romantic relationships. If a love interest starts pulling away, it's important to empower each other by recognizing each other's worth and giving space. Employing the scarcity principle and not chasing badgering or prematurely pressuring him. Hopefully, if the original attraction was legit, he will be thinking about your absence more and more and craving reconnection.

I was briefly dating a guy but it was casual. He was ALWAYS busy and I felt it was a red flag. He would mainly txt me. And make excuses why he couldn't talk on the phone. So one day we did finally have a date & afterward he got mad when I refuse to give him sex. I cut him off. I knew he wasn't serious about me and the fact that he was mad over sex and we weren't even in a relationship was a red flag for me. I told him I wish him the best and take care.

This is the BEST advice I have heard:)

I just watched this about 10x.... by far the best most practical advice I’ve heard!! Going through this exact scenario after the guy I was with for only a week had major trauma in his personal life. He’s got to emotionally heal now. Bad timing for me but now that I understand what’s going on I can focus on living and have open arms if/when he returns.

This was the thing that screwed me up so much. My fear of men taking space really came from my ex who did that because he was planning to breakup with me. Now the new guy whose not a real ex feels like an ex.

hahahahahah "Like a dog" "Happy and exploring...suddenly they realize they're being out for a while" HILARIOUS.

Hi Susan, If i watched your video 5 years ago I could maybe have saved my marriage, but well, I wouldn't be able to understand. So, girls, if you are watching this, I ensure you with my experiences, Susan is right and her guidance will work for most of men. Thank you Susan, much appreciated 🙏

I am binge watching each video, Susan your wonderful.

Thank you Susan, once again! I took your advice a few months ago about not giving any more energy to the man who I’d been waiting years for, and the Universe handed me a new man. He is in that first pulling away phase and it’s killing me but I’m working on myself and focusing on my workouts while he ponders what we started, which was very sudden and very strong. I hope he does come out of his cave, but if he doesn’t, I have to accept it and I’ll know my value stays intact for someone else to discover.

I’m in my 50s... this is the first time this has happened to me.... he pulled away after a talk about our relationship after months of great dating. He dropped the fear of commitment bomb on me Monday and I haven’t had contact with him since......

Susan i so love your videos... you are Spot On! let me run something by you... there's another term out here for this kind of behavior... it's called "GOING GHOST"... you know the deal no call... no texts... last minute exscuses or no shows... so i say if he/she wants to disappear... let them... and as i mentioned in one of your other videos it's all about MTV(My Time Is Valuable)... so when he/she returns(and they always do) they (the Ghost) will see that life goes on without them... i have no patience for bad manners... i don't play those games and no one else should have to either...

Excellent advice. Wow. Wish I would have known this years ago.

He is he’s married now and I feel like a stepping stone., I feel like he has either used me to get to someone else or is using this new person against me or he has really moved on without me though!

Hi, Susan! I'm a woman and the one who usually pulls away. That's because I've given too much of myself in the past and I am afraid to do that again. If I get too close, I feel I can't breathe, and that I'm losing my freedom :) If the man makes me feel unconstrained in that period, then I start breathing again and I go back to him. So, as a female doing the pulling away, I just want to convey - it has nothing to do with the other person, it's a personal issue. And how the other party (the one who's affected) acts the first time, is crucial.

Susan, could you make a video on second or subsequent cycle(s) of pulling away?

Excellent! Everything I'm going through and now I feel validated and not crazy! Thank you!

You are totally right and I know it works but it is just so scary to let go. But gotta be an adult and do the right thing. Thanks, Susan. ❤️

You deserve a prize Susan for mentioning that men who are falling in love might pull back on a physical level. Can you explain more about it in another video?

Thank you so much for making this video! After dating many men and having my heart subsequently broken many times, this definitely puts things some male behavior into perspective

I am glad I found your video because I am devastated by a recent pullback from a shy quiet reserved gentleman I've fallen for. We commuted back home from training class for the company we both are employed with. I pulled him out of his shell with my usual exuberance. I'd spot him at a distance and draw him into a group of casual conversation. It dawned on me that this meant a lot to him, and we developed a ritual where we'd sit closely together and have a friendship conversation. I explored the possibility of falling in love with him and it happened! Before this, we were happily in like and expressed how good it was to have each other's company to share the day and a ride home. He was courtly and gentlemanly in manners, and I'd notice the way he'd gaze at me so attentively. If I had a horrible day in class where I could do nothing right, he'd wait for me the bus stand and from a far distance I could see his eyes filled with genuine care and compassion and he'd comfort me with very kind encouraging words. I got a sense he was progressing closer by his gazes and light innocent taps. But on the last day at class, I was horrified that he would not even look at me in the hallway. He was seated behind me and when I tried engaging in conversation he'd appear cold and disinterested. Class ended earlier than usual and instead of waiting for me to travel home together, I noticed he hightailed out of school in a real hurry. I couldn't believe this coldness and I was so hurt. Others had noticed us getting close and would stare at us and tease, so obviously I am not delusional. I was so confounded that I decided to email him about stuff at work and in the last line, I told him I missed him as a travel companion and thanked him for his wonderful friendship. He started a sentence by reciprocating but then lied that he must have caught the later bus and was sorry he didn't say goodby. I am so hurt and humiliated because a class member noticed his absence where we generally met rubbed it in. I am 11 years older but he did tell me that his single 80-something mother is in a relationship with someone 20 years younger. He looks so painfully lonely sometimes and anxious. But when I am with him he feels empowered and full of life. I intuitively expected this to happen as I am also somewhat paralyzed by my strong love for him. I just feel so much better hearing you discuss this matter. Thank you.

I have a thought thou. It's almost impossible to tell when a man pulls away is it because they want to figure things out or they are done with you especially after intimacy. Pulling out can be no contact or much less. But if his attitude changed from warm and fuzzy to cold and distance, it is very difficult to take. We will probably only find out after some time. If a man needs space he might need a couple of days and they will reappear. But if a man is just scamming you then you will never hear from them or may be weeks and months until he strikes again. Those waiting moments are so tough when you really like him. Like a rescue team for a disaster, the longer it finds survivors the less hope there are survivors. All I can say is don't go too deep too fast initially. Take care of your heart. Thank you for the brilliant advice.

Great info! Im only 50 and have had a rocky marriage for 30 years, still married but haven't really been a couple in a few years. I grew up watching my grandparents be like this, sleeping in separate rooms, I never thought I would become like them. It's very strange how it's now awkward to be alone with the mother of my kids in our own house. Three of our four kids still live with us and there's no doubt we will be getting a divorce once they are on their own. This is not uncommon. Sad how all this came about by some bad things that happened over the years. We have had a lot of in-law problems among other things, and my wife has not always been faithful which i eventually realized she never really was cut out for marriage if you can't commit to just one person. Honestly I'm so burnt out on trying to make our relationship work that right now I could care less if I ever even date another woman again. It would be nearly impossible to date a woman who doesn't have some kind of baggage from past relationships, I'm done with drama

Sooooo needed to hear this. Will just play this on a loop so I don’t falter.

This is so thought provoking and profound, thank you Susan for this great video. I love the way you present those topics with know-how and sweetness :) I have subscribed to your channel. Thank you for your work!

Best advice ever! My date just pulled away... I will keep still, do my thing and see if he swings back... I think in the very beginning, they even do it quite often when emotions are slowly building up? It is hard for us women to stand like a rock... how do I know the difference between this healthy mechanism for men and someone who is too afraid for a relationship / letting me down / making a fool of me?

I agree 100 percent. Also, an eye opener on some things you mentioned. Thank you! Love the dress. You look fab!👌👌

Such a relief to hear a woman who understands a man's position

Change my actions & let the results come to me

Finally a woman who speaks sense! Thank you!

Thanks Susan. This came exactly at the right time. It's been tough for me but now I know how to handle it. I do appreciate.

Totally agree. Been there, done that.

Thank you Susan,, i am in this situation right now i real like this guy,,i'm trying hard to give him space..

As a man, usually when I pull back it’s because the woman is pulling back so I try to give her space. Unfortunately a lot of women pull back and don’t realize they are doing it, they pull back because they are bored, stressed, or whatever and then don’t communicate with their man why they are pulling back…so then when I pull back to give her space but then she realizes this and decides to pull away further, the relationship falls apart. But then if I try to communicate like “hey I noticed youve been distant blah blah”. The response I usually get is a “I have been? I’m sorry, everything is fine!”. Then I try to dig deeper but get no where and then she has resentment with me thinking something is wrong and it just makes things worse. It’s a vicious cycle and literally the most challenging thing in a relationship I’ve experienced.

Have trust in ourselves and in our own worth. This is so true.

Basketball or Antiquing - what a perfect example, which you followed up with an image of a happy little dog, hehe so true

Allowing them to move at their own pace displays trust on your part. Waiting is okay. Its almost always worth the wait! 😇 Otherwise they might get spooked and scared off for good. Lol. No worries. He will come back eventually. ❤️

I wish í had this advice about a year ago...but always learning...thank you🌷

Seen multiple videos on this topic and this was the best. Thank you

Yes im dating a guy who pulls away. Now I know what to do. Thank you

I love who you are as a person. You are so beautiful. You are so kind in how you address everything. I love it! You're awesome!

hi susan, i like yours the most. It gave me more insight not only relationship, but also human being. we(both requent traveller) always find a way to meet and texting for couple weeks. After last two days we spend time together, i got some confusion from him which i don't like that..i didn't know what is going on but i believe we can't force other people like us. I am glad that i watched your video at the right time, and decided to give him space and invest in myself now.

What a beautiful soul you are Susan 🥰

Thats just what ive done told him to get a Life. Ive Moved on. This on & off for 7 yrs. Im Tired. And Not turning around. On my Own.

Going through this now... this is thee best advice I've heard... Thank you

It’s sad when the one you love disappears. The none affectionate marriage. He only loves me when I’m down. But when I give him and show him my world and all my sunshine from within my soul. He becomes a shadow. Distant, cold and silent. He says our marriage is just fine. It’s only me that feels this way. The bottom of bare minimum. Is what I receive. Because long hugs makes him Uncomfortable. Now when he’s near my heart sinks. My heart use to be full and nourished. Now it just aches in his presence. I see in his eyes he chose to settle. But he’s too much of a coward. In the end I know he would not fight for me He would rather watch me go. I have a broken heart too. Which is why I stay. I ignore all the red flags. To be perfectly damaged.

Thank you so much! God bless you. I feel a sense of relief after listening to this!!

I keep watching these videos about what to do when he goes cold, pulls away, ghosts, leaves you on read, etc.... but I still can't help myself. I know that I'm in love with the idea of him & the dream of a life with him, but I can't help myself ATM. And being stuck at home in quarantine isn't helping either one of us. He really is a good man, just hurt bad from previous relationships. Or maybe a narcissist... 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ PS. I know for sure he's not with anyone else. He's struggling with this pandemic too.

Great analysis Susan, I love your concise delivery 😎

Best advice ever

Excellent video! Much help...thank you!

Smh they are weirdos. I understand being scared or whatever. But it is not that deep. It is like don't attempt to get close to someone if you are scared.

WOW! I watched this video maybe 10 times! Thank you VERY MUCH for this knowledge. What a life saver xx

Wow, Susan. This is of great help to me! Thanks a lot!

besttt advice by far on this .. and spot on

OMG this is sooo right. I am keeping myself busy. You are the best.

Timely guidance! Thank you dear...❤️

Excellent advice. Very articulate and coherent. Love it.

The most focused answer in RU-vid 👍

Thanks Susan! This came at a perfect time. I listened to this twice. Lesson learned for me. I usually react the other way you described. I'm going to try your method. Thanks Again! Your videos are amazing!!

I love watching your videos susan winters this does make perfect sense sending hugs and kisses ❤

I really really needed this today to get a clear mindset. Thank you so much

You explained that so well, thanks!

Hej from Sweden!! I just discovered your videos last night and I really got a lot from them so thank you!!

On point Susan! Love it! Hoping he comes bk but if not his loss

Sigh... I just experienced this and did not handle it the way I would have liked to. I apologised but he said we should go our separate ways since it is early to have "sadness" between us. I'm awake. I don't believe he is but seems very open to what I talk about. Was sad for it to stop. Thank you for the video.

Excellent coaching/sharing/advice. . I agree.

Thank you, Susan..I really needed to hear this tonight!

its clear my mind ,thanks a lot,

me and my boyfriend got into a huge fight he didn't call nor speak to me, I apologized coz I was wrong on my part I kept on texting him asking him where do we stand, sending him audios n all wanting to know where we stand and all, first of all It was my first time experiencing such so I don't know how to handle that kind of situation, I nagged and nagged until I eventually got his attention, he told me that this thing of texting non stop is actually pushing him away as a man he needs to reflect and let him deal with issues his own way, he told me that sending him text after text is just not doing it n I need to stop applying pressure on him etc, ok I apologized and made it clear that such will never happen again now I know better, but then again I still feel like he's distant so I'm just taking it one step at a time, so ill be going over to see him which I wanna tell him or let him know that I acknowledge that I applied pressure on him but then again I don't wanna dance around the same topic coz hes very short tempered and I don't wanna be too much for him, but I just let him know that I'm not the clingy, needy type of a women it was just an honest mistake. Hope things get back to the way they where before this whole thing of me sending 100 messages a day lol ok not 100 but a lot

You are one of the best things to watch on youtube!

What if they keep retracting every time they get close and express they love you and want to follow their hearts but get scared and find negative things to pick at as an excuse?

Thank you, Susan. I needed to hear this now.

Simply the Best beautiful voice. Thanks!

This is so perfect timing!

I freaking love you! I see things how you do as well and you’ve changed my life!!!

You are amazing! You're my new guide in the dating world!

A highly articulate description..

Truly amazing and best advice I have heard! Thank you so much.

I needed to hear this thankyou you put it clear

You are so practicle. Thank you.....

Simply excellent advice, thank you so much!!

great advise... im single because im tired of not knowing WHAT a womans TRUE intentions are in a relationship.....

Very very logically put arguments. Applaud. N yes we girls we behave as if the sky has fallen down wen he pulls away. The best thing is keep a distance. I used to get this treatment from my man I said look I m a working woman past 24 years n u better understand that financially independent woman are just like men. We also feel like shutting down .we also hv ups n downs of our career. Still we effort to communicate wth u guys. So u also can do similarly

Thank you. this is the best ever and that's what am doing before I heard this CU's my fiance has pulled back with no reason

You’re right Susan. I give a man space. It’s up to him to come back to me, because I will never contact again. I’ve been burned, I’m not going to play mind games.

Thank you for your advice! You are so wise, and explain things really well :)

Great advice :) Thank You, this Popped up on my video Suggestions Just when I needed It.