@SusanWinter your content is amazing. I have been stuck in limerance since 2018. I really liked this guy. He had all the qualities only to discover in 2022 he was shy he avoided me after i told him i had feelings for him. I thought he'd behave maturely . He agreed last year to talk to me. He was respectful but still he rejected me. I thoughg the rejection would break me but it increased mý boldness, confidence..i felt good after confessing my ferlings. But i kept asking myself why he didn't want me backkk?? But now i realise i should keep the dream and replsce the person. Thank you ma'am ❤❤
Of all the online coaches and the real-time life coach I see occasionally, you've had the most articulate, doable advice on overcoming limerence - AKA obsession - I've found yet. Thank you so much for mapping the destructive elements of this state of mind. I have so much hope, even in my loneliness. My peace of mind is from keeping a polite distance from him, respecting his marriage, even with his sexually-testing comments, which indicate he needs to work on his marriage or let it go, never mind me. I've had 20 years of feeling good in my own skin, since the day I quit alcohol, and this peace is more precious to me than any man could ever be. I'm also taking your advice to take what's truly admirable about him (his profession requires actual courage and heroism), and see him as the model, not the one, I hope for. Thank you for helping me to get a better harness around this heart, mind and spirit. You help me admire ME, and to become a woman of value.
Julia, good for you. I know it takes a lot of mental determination to move on, but when we think through the hooks that captured us, we realize they are not significant enough to warrant, true affection.
Sam, I agree, obsession can be hard to exit. Hopefully knowing why your hooked will help you to think through the automatic reaction of attaching to someone’s qualities that have little merit.
@@SusanWinter and I don’t have a lot of people to have friends this other friend made a promise with my fiend and he kept putting it off and it made me angry
Simone, I did not know the rest of the story, but I’m sure there’s more to it. No matter the circumstance I trust that you will find your way to serve yourself, while in the process of loving someone else.
You are incredible. Every statement strikes a cord. Now I understand why I’ve been ruminating for so long. Thank you for helping me pull my mind out of that abyss
I did not give him a second chance, that is why I still want to be with him. I know I cant, but I have many problems, thinking about him is a way to escape to those moments when we were happy. I just have my memories
Hope is that blank check and the gambling step is that compounded diamond made from all the time / pain / pressure you can't throw in the sea. Thank you!
susan you are the reason i still can continue i suffered so much spend so much that hope you talked about destroyed me i can't even love anymore cuz i tried so hard but i m trying to heal thank you so mutch
You are welcome. And I’m glad to see that you are rounding the corner and getting to the other side of this truth. We all need hope in order to survive. But hope can be harmful when we latch onto a dream of what we want someone to be for us. Human nature’s design is that we all have free will. So it is best to love someone who freely and willingly will love us in return.
I agree. I dont see it as a bad thing tho if your obsessed with someone it just means youve found the one you want to be with. I dont see anything wrong in that, i say go and get them before its too late!
For me it’s the dream That he would talk about the future with us The snapshot of the times we were having fun the greatest nights NO CHANGE - he got worse ! No safety or calm 😢
Susan, I've been watching your videos for a couple of years, now. Thank you so very much for this one in particular. I'm getting over someone at the moment and you've helped me immensely. xx
How can I end the obsession when the person is my close friend that I talk to every single day😢 The amount of anxiety is killing me, I can’t end the friendship and I can’t stop obsessing and having hope even though he has told me he just sees me as a friend. I just found out he is in LOVE with another girl…
That's not a friend. You have to mourn the loss and move forward. It's painful but that's the only way. Unrequited love and unwarranted hope can be toxic to our spirit and keep us from finding the real love we deserve.
Tara, you are torturing yourself by holding a flame for a friend who is clearly stated they only see you as a friend. Why him? Why must it be him? Even if you think he’s a great guy, he’s not your guy. You’ve got to love yourself more than you love the idea of him.
Just a gentle reminder, there ARE others out there who hold the qualities you've fallen for in him. It's not him and you owe it to yourself to step away, even if it's your friend, to take back your happiness. Step away and do things and be with people that make you happy.
Iam 18 years old I was obsessed with a person for 10 years but I really thought this is love but I finnnally know the reason it's because I was trying to force him to be a character in my dream not because I love him for his person so yeah thank you so much because you helped me through this ❤
Amen to that, been there, all of it. I can truly relate to that. Thanks for discussing about this. 💌 I actually went to the last step and I have to carry myself from this point on. Thanks for helping.
Yes PV. My prices are clearly listed on my website. So take a look and consider booking a session if you need help. www.susanwinter.net under the consultation tab.
Hi Susan, thank you, I appreciate all your advice, it has helped me immensely, do you ever do personal consultations? if so, is there a link I can go through please
Letting go - easy- starting over no problem. Focus on the dreams- make it priority- she walked in - she knows where the door out. The book END..Start a new beginning book- shades- Beaches. Create/ Adventure. Exit Ramp- top off - cruising
Thank you Susan 🙏 I am experiencing stages 1-4. The appearance one is what kicked it all off ... he was 10 years older, masculine-looking, ruggedly handsome, fit, tattooed...so I made the mistake of projecting the qualities of the masculine protector archetype (which I so deeply crave) onto him...but instead of being the leader, protective, assertive, action oriented man I dreamt that he was ... He turned out to be low effort, passive, unmotivated, confused about his feelings, got high all the time...I loved him anyway, but I needed to tear myself away after eight months of being in a committed relationship and the most he could ever say about his feelings and vision for our future was "you're a cool chick" and "i don't know what the future holds".
It started from few snapshot, I have been hooked for five years dreaming about that moment. It's so scary that the obsession never worn out and have sabotage my romance relationship with any men since non of them could copy those 'snapshot' I experience with him.
My journal note listening to this: I’m letting go and I will be moving on. There is no perfect person here, not me and not you, and there will never be two perfect people in this relationship. We both have our dreams of how we’d love things to be, maybe they overlap and maybe they don’t, each to our own, but they are dreams/ideals/futures, but how we both show up in the now is the reality, how we make each other feel now is ‘it’. There will never be a perfect moment, that’s just our memories, we can’t keep expecting those moments to happen. The hope we can hold on to is just exactly what is here now.
Hi Susan really enjoyed this video! Can you please clarify though; what did you mean by “i promise you will never sleep with someone you find pug ugly it will never happen”?
okay...this phrase is intended for people who fear that if they look "only at internal values and content" that they will end up with someone ugly on the outside. I explained to people that by focusing on the internal qualities they want in a mate, they must trust that they will never, be romantic with someone they find repulsive. Too many people stop the process of looking internally for fear. They will be relegated to a homely and repulsive individual. Romantic selection does not work that way.
@@SusanWinter Ah i think i understand what you’re saying. Also, inner beauty reflects on the outside/ in simple terms, it can make a “normal” looking person look very beautiful. Thank you for responding!
@@kakafan77 I had a client say to me, so if I am looking for wonderful qualities in a man, what if that man shows up and he is incredibly ugly? Is he supposed to be my soulmate and I responded that if you have a physical repulsion upon meeting this person of course not. That person who showed up could be a prototype or a friend. But congratulations if you find the qualities you'd like because now your energy is in the right place and you will attract what you want on the inside with an agreeable external package.
That last one hit hardest. Gave it my all, all of me I could give. And it's not that it wasn't enough, but that it would never be enough because I was clearly providing it to the wrong person.
And how to deal with so called retroactive jealousy? I got this right now, maybe that I haven't been in a relationship is the case? Will it go away or should I do something? Please for some advice, the girl is wonderful and I don't want to sabotage it because of it 😢
If I am going no contact, I feel like I can't get rid out of the "What Ifs" because I never begged or tried to talk with them. What are your thoughts on this? By the way, wonderful video with really life changing information.
