Thank you so much for this. I've been dating this girl with severe ADHD and past childhood emotional neglect, and it is a mouthful. She is although the most generous, considerate and sweet girl i've ever dated.
Christian, Can i reach out to you? I’ve been dating a girl with severe adhd for 3 years now and it’s only getting harder. I’m desperately looking for help or advice to get through it and potentially get engaged someday…
Keeping a job and doing chores are hard when you have adhd. And tha frustrates the partner a ton. That said there are ways of tricking yourself into thinking that you love it. And if you master that you'll hyper focus on the task at hand and it helps a lot. At least that's how it's worked for me. Talking to people like I love folding clothes makes me eventually actually like doing it just enough to focus on it. Great video, my friend.
Thanks for this little tip! I’m going to try to implement this with doing dishes ( something I put off usually) with listening to a fun podcast while doing them👍makes it more enjoyable and I’m able to hyper focus on it to get it done! Thanks for this… I hope more people can see and try this for themselves too! Really helps to know you’re not alone in it all! 🙏🏻🙏🏻
@@shaunrussell4558 awesome! I hope it helps you! I've been doing that for years and it helps with most things. There are always certain times that I fall short, but the motivation will come back if you keep it up.
@BeardedRancher… yes!! It has helped just the encouragement to implement this strategy is helpful to me!! Going to start this week in a few chores I tend to put off regularly! I appreciate the insights you share here! These community comments can be so helpful in not feeling alone in dealing with everything that comes with ADHD and the shame cycles (that can be common along with it!) especially for women (like myself) who have always had to live up to society’s standards for organization, tidinesses, appearing to have everything together! It’s a difficult thing for us… sorry for the personal rant! Just really appreciate any ideas for improvement that can make our lives easier!! Hope you have a good day!
@@shaunrussell4558 absolutely! It's a wonderful resource. And Lex is great to make this content. Ray of sunshine in a sometimes dark world, that one. I hope you have a wonderful day as well.
I find all of the day to day ‘mundane’ stuff really overwhelming- life seems like constantly spinning plates, and really draining! It’s like having 3 brains that constantly try to pull in all directions 😞 I live in a constant state of flux and I find relationships are a complete mystery…
This is all way too relatable! I’m an INFP and just diagnosed with ADHD and going through the motions of a break up. What you mention - my ex partner couldn’t understand and I couldn’t communicate. Appreciate you putting words to something I can’t! Can you talk about treatments for ADHD at some point? :)
My ex has ADHD. I got so frustrated and exhausted from carrying the relationship, taking on all the cleaning and taking care of all the important stuff. He never made any effort in the relationship and didn't take any steps to fix it. I was willing to fix it, but after years of trying, I got tired and gave up. The resentment built up over the years, and unfortunately, I ended our relationship. I didn't feel loved or appreciated. I commend anyone who puts up with the frustrations of being with someone with ADHD.
Omggggg I am at this point rn, it is sooooooo unbelievably hard!! Like I’m so frustrated and stressed, I don’t know what to do. I’ve been thinking about ending things the whole year now but at the same time I’m like should I just wait a little longer & see. It’s been 6yrs and honestly I’m exhausted!!
Yeah I was there and broke the engagement. I have never in my life became so exhausted of taking care of an adult male. 3 days after the break up he was on Tinder sleeping with different women.
@@beautysfnm They never change. My ex didn't after 7 years together. I left and I'm so glad I did. I've met an amazing man who looks after me for a change. Don't settle for a man that doesn't make you feel taken care of.
@@Кира-в6й my ex got engaged to some poor girl 3 months after him and I broke up. After all the begging he did after I broke up with him. I'm so glad I got rid of him because I'm with an amazing guy now 💗 one that knows how to use a washing machine and knows how to clean up after himself.
Great to hear you speak about good influences like horses and bees and taking care of your love. Love is the infp wheelhouse. An infp that realises giving love and healing will always be cherished.
Thank you so much for this video. It was so helpful. . please could you do a video to speak to the person with ADHD who is in a relationship with someone whois non ADHD . Perhaps your husband could help with this but from someone who is being neglected emotionally and also takes all the responsibility of the family as well as having to deal with unpredictable outbursts it would be so nice to have my voice heard to say to my partner with ADHD whom I love and want to support (as well as understand ) that I am breaking emotionally and desperately need my needs met. I of course understand that his ADHD causes most of the problems we face and that his brain is wired very different which essentially causes a disabilities and my heart breaks for him that he can't live peacefully at times but i do feel that education is key to creating empathy for the other person who you are living with ( as I have empathy for him) and whilst I could of course tell him myself and do, the impact maybe far greater if told from someone outside the relationship who has experience and can relate to him. A video addressing this would be invaluable. Thank you again for speaking out. Xx
Throw in being an empath HSP and I guarantee an extra fun journey 😂 Hey, we're very very useful. But we're still finding ways to apply that well & to normalise diversity in society and there being many great ways to handle life! You'll be alright! Sending you hugs!
I'd really like to find out how to differentiate between them being neglectful/disinterested because of adhd symptoms, or them genuinely losing interest in the relationship. It's a constant battle I have to deal with, with my current girlfriend who has adhd. I don't want to bring it up in case I start coming across as insecure and push her away even more, as in past experience, I have found that being a little too honest with insecurities can ruin a good thing permanently. What keeps me going is the fact that she has mentioned in the past that her lack of motivation to come see me, has more to do with other things and that it's not becuase of me, or that she doesn't want to see me. As vague as that sounds..
I am in the exact some position! Any tips and tricks to deal with this neglectfulness/disinterest/ADHD effects? Cuz I really can’t tell the difference….
@user-kl2sc7lb8x she ended up ghosting me after a 10 month relationship, so I guess my intuition was correct, she probably was just never that interested. I'm in a much more healthy relationship now, and realise that it'd actually easy to tell when someone is actually fully invested in you. Although still not sure how much her adhd was contributing.
@@jerescot Hi there, thank you for your reply and input. Hope you are in a better place. Indeed I found out that my intuition was right and there were things being hidden from me...I don't think the ADHD has that much impact in the relationship, some impact yes, but not that much to be that significant. All the best for you.
Thanks for this I like someone with ADHD and basically dating them this was very helpful I am learning how to better support them and make them feel safe thank you
You had me at 'horse'. I too found therapy in horses. Unofficial therapy but just as necessary. My profile picture is my girl. She's absolutely essential for my self care.
My wife has ADHD and since her menopause it’s literally gone berserk. I love her but she is causing so much needless drama in my life Im struggling to cope. I know I need to be patient but it grinds you down. The house is like a junkyard, she buys shit we don’t need all the time. Any job which is always half done will have all items used left out. She is permanently offended and triggered by everything and massively overreacts. Three years ago she stopped using nouns and I never know what or who she is talking about. She wont sit and chat or even watch TV with me. If we go out for a meal her head is swivelling round the room and I don’t have her attention. She also makes massive decisions without consulting me which leads to problems in our life.
I have ADHD and I can agree so much on many of theses points. Really the one about doing things are own way. If anyone even stops me to say a few words to me while I'm in the middel of somthing it can throw me way off. About changing gears though I know what you mean If you meant changing to what we are doing and then doing something with or for someone else that is vary true but, if you are also anything like me Lex you may bounce back and forth in the middel of many things in a short amount of time within are own little space. I could be watching a 30 min video here on youtube but, il pause it go play guitar come back watch some more. Stop the video again because a thought came in my head about the universe so il look up things on that. Then il get caught up in another video then go do somthing I had to do that day then return to that same 30 min video Lol I tend to do this back and forth because when I want to do somthing I have to do it then. Its crazy. Im just glad Im not alone. These kind of videos really do help me so I thank you for your time and engery to post this for all of us. ❤
Im scrolling the comments and fastwording while stopping to look for more videos while eating. I'm glad others feel this way. It can be a handicap or a superpower
I’v lived for 50 years with undiagnosed ADHD- it’s been hard but now I’m getting sorted and have a full assessment in a couple of weeks 👍🏻 I’ve always had difficulty in relationships - especially with dating (been married twice 😞) - I miss the social cues and don’t seem to gauge if a girl likes me or not. I met a girl a few weeks ago and we chatted, lots of eye contact (I completed her lovely nails 😁)… she asked me if I’d like her number and suggested that we go for a drink 👍🏻 On the way home I texted her (my friend said I should have let me text her first…), and after texting for a while - I got completely ghosted… Having a girl offer her number was cool - it bypassed the uncertainty for me, but then the opportunity passed 😞 Amy advice plz??
Thanks for the pretty candid video. I think, no, I'm sure, you can counteract the effects of all the characteristics that ADHD brings with it by very consciously choosing a partner. And you should do this if you don't want to end up in a short-term relationship or end in unhappiness at some point.
Amazing video! My partner has ADHD and in watching the video I immediately recognize the similarities in what you discussed, thank you for the insight! Also what is the music in the background?
well I dont have a partner or relationship right now but I can totally understand how hard it is to wait my turn in conversation and the same thing goes for me when my emotions boil up
I have trust issues but one of my biggest reasons of staying away from relationships is also because of my Adhd. I am so unorganized I hate it sooooo much I am so deeply insecure and it is so painful.I an so messy and I am mean if there is a worst word than messy then thats me. I don't think no one will ever take me seriously. I can be emotional but rationally I agree I can see how hard our struggles can be extremely hard to deal with but I hate it I try with all my might to be clean and I am still dirty. I want to give up on trying, I am now on medication and I hope to see way more improvement.Its been 2 months still struggling 😢Adhd is fucking hard and I am happy I educated myself on it but I need so much help managing my life and my brain. I really just don't know what more to do. At this point like the doctor said I will give the medication 3 months to fully kick in . I know you all are complaining about how hard it is to be with someone who has adhd but I have been in therapy 7yr, had a life coach, I have dived into self help books and was heavy in meditation, I even went to school to learn about mental health. And I stilll appear to not be trying and AM extremely messy. These comments although I know you may be dealing with alot to be dating somebody with adhd , only made me realize even more my fear of being a burden to a partner is very much real and maybe I am better of alone discovered ho
I am a girl with severe ADHD combined type and even if the boy that I like is neurotypical and told me that he finds my hyperactiveness cute. I don’t know how to tell him that I like him more than just a crush. I have asked him if wanted to hangout because he usually reaches out to me when but he doesn’t respond back to my messages and I don’t want to be annoying or clingy and keep messaging him.
ADHD = interest-based nervous system Actually very interesting; thanks for this insight Lexi ^^ Happy New Year to you too and have fun with your new horse! (Do you already have a name for him/her?)
I respect you a huge amount Lexy. There are men that would literally kill to have a woman that's as thoughtful, caring and compassionate as you are around. The non-toxic guys that just want a solid all round woman in there lives are basically getting tired of the selfishness, the me me me, the entitlement, the drama queens, the one-sidedness. Exhausting emotionally, so understandably many just want to give up on dating. Almost everywhere a man looks these days, us guys are getting tired of the sexist misogyny and man bashing..Men are just 'forgetful' and all men are like that i over hear spoke about behind my back in shops, then in the next moment claiming that not all men are bad to reel in the 'were sorry' or 'we were only joking' so you don't give up on giving them any attention entirely. It's very demeaning and manipulative behaviour and if you're a man reading this who's gone through similar to all i mentioned above, i feel you and i'm frankly fed up with it too. Obviously i can only speak about the side of things from being a man, since i am one haha. And i've never had a girlfriend before (no surprise to all i mentioned above). However, i don't think all this is anything new. Social media and the internet has just highlighted a lot of it and our social problems. Recently i watched a Robert De Niro movie 'Taxi Driver'. I was shocked and surprised how some of the things we go through today work wise and relationship wise was still something writers of that movie were compelled to write and create a conversation about, from the sort of things they would have learned about how things were back then. That women can still be cold and distant to what a man wants etc, the isolation of male loneliness basically driving men to crazy ends. And something as boring as Taxi work seemingly among one of the only things deemed by everybody else in society that brings any kind of purpose in someone that longs for more.
@NeoNine10…while I understand and can empathize with your frustration. I’m sorry you’ve witnessed so much of this negative behavior in your dating experiences! I’m coming from a female perspective (even though my name is Shaun) and I’m a bisexual so I’ve had relationships with both men and women. I guess I would just caution you not to continue generalizing women in these categories of “selfish, entitlement, emotionally exhausting drama queens before you get to know each one of us”… I can hear that this has come from fear and hurting, and not finding what you need in a potential partnership. There are SO many beautiful authentic young women out there!! You just have to keep your heart open to who they are! Each of us is unique, with rich unique backgrounds and attributes! It’s a shame that sexism exists on both sides, and I would caution you not to contribute to that culture by carrying on with this viewpoint you’ve expressed here. I know you’re looking for an authentic and caring and honest loving partner, like you’ve expressed you see in Lexi! And I hope you find that person! It’s easy to get bogged down with the dating culture and how hard it seems these days! I’m right in that myself currently… but I’m more than willing to give each person a chance and see who they truly are! It helps to keep in mind what attributes you’re looking for in a woman as you search the sites and in life! I hope you don’t give up, and I hope in shifting your perspective within your heart that you find the right match out there!! Be well and have a good day!
@@shaunrussell4558 people mostly have to come to generalisations in their own mind to protect themselves from further pain. Women also have to do the same to protect themselves from further harm if they've been treated wrongly by a few guys. And i've seen and heard it before so i know it's not all just how women treat guys. Both sexes have problems. The thing i would just like to see more is clarity. Guys don't like not knowing where they are in their position when communicating with a woman either not in or in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with rejection, i actually don't mind that so much. At least i would know then where i stand and i can respect that. But the other half expects you to know what they think, but guys can't do that so they have to come to their own conclusions and thus their own generalisations. I also though do think a man has a right to speak up if someone isn't being treated well by someone else in another relationship and they sense there is a connection there between them. It might lead to some place good, or it might not. As long as they do so respectfully. But the guy's still gotta accept if she's expressed no interest and move on.
@@NeoNine10 Female perspective here. And I agree fully that clarity would be incredibly welcome. Unfortunately I must also say that for that, a requirement is openness and safety. Because it's unfortunately frequently not safe to turn men down clearly. You've probably heard of the whole "friendzone" concept. ///orz/// Misogyny is system, that's why it's something that'll affect women countless times every single day. I'm not joking. It affects men in their archaic feminine traits very frequently, too.
@@NeoNine10 All genders have problems and circumstances are tough so everything becomes even more magnified. Unfortunately all feminine (in all ppl) takes additional hits due to the systemic dynamics. There are very few role models of healed and healthy relationships around. Women are experimenting with reclaiming their sovereignty. And it's tough. Men experiment with making room at the table & their archaic feminine side of traits and skills. Diverse genders experiment with finding a place in all if this and help with blending things. So at the end of the day, we must be at our (current) best and seek others who are in alignment with us. Right now, the most kind hearted take the most hits & are very likely to be in "fight, flight, freeze" modes. So if you're looking for women who are kind, bring your attentive, open, patient listener self and be curious about female people (not "girlfriend material"). Be ready to run into defenses & be ready to drop yours. It helps to signal you're safe to be with. We're surrounded by mostly very nice people, you know? But we're all also buried under rubble. For starters: Please avoid the devaluation trap by saying it's just cause a few men treated them bad. It signals that you're not ready to honestly consider the maybe very seriously tragic and traumatic experience of the stranger you're making assumptions on. And as a female, I strive to look past when you walk into the subconscious bias, because it's systemic and very deeply ingrained in all of us. We can only meet heart to heart if we keep a very firm sense of "hurt people, hurt people" Veeery few ppl are rotten. Most are lost and need directions. So let's be exactly that. It matters! And we're way more than meets the eye!
My boyfriend has ADHD and he does things simultaneously when talking to me and I find it absolutely obnoxious. I'm trying to understand how to deal with him. Example: Him: Plays video game Me: are you done yet so we can talk Him: I can do this AND talk to you ( eats strands of his hair anxiously ) Me: well I would like your full attention when I'm talking to you, just like I give you mine when YOU'RE talking to me. Example: Him: starts fiddling with a random object or one of his BB guns laying around jerkingly. Me: can't you please stop, that's very distracting.
It's obnoxious to you, not obnoxious to him, it's easy to say what he *should* do as someone that doesn't have ADHD. But ADHD is a neurological condition, it literally impacts the way we think, feel, behave. That's not to say that he isn't accountable for his actions, but seemingly easy things to do can be very hard for someone with ADHD. You two need to communicate this issue with each other more
@@JasonJia11 communicate... huh easier said then done, communication always ends as fast as it started, he denies alot about it , he is nowhere near owning it like people who they have it,
Mine wouldn’t get treatment said Therapy is a waste of time . I left . I don’t need an abusive partner I need a healthy one . My toxic parents are to much as it is
I can't date. It's a nightmare. I can never tell If someone is honest amd genuine. I've been taken advantage of so many times that I refuse to trust now because it just feels totally stupid to since I always just get let down. Frankly though, I would date myself either.
8:54 In hindsight, I'm actually glad i've got ADD, as through having the disorder, it's enabled me to find my self awareness, and deep core resilience at a lot younger an age, then maybe had i not had ADD, and could still be discovering those parts of my self today at 35.
Are you guys bad testers? Because this guy has read receipts on when he reads it he responds fast and a good convo but sometimes he will take a while to respond back like I messaged this dude and I am still on delivered so he hasn’t opened it yet
Are you selfish if you have ADHD i think so if untreated not having the tools and strategies i think caring for animals would help with this a great tool to help to think about others
I tried to date a girl I was really really into that had ADHD. To make matters worse she was just out of a relationship not that long before I met her. Extremely confusing situation for me and I unfortunately didn't do my homework to understand it so I couldve been more understanding and patient in how she was. Wish I had watched this before but we ended things and she probably hates me now :( I really liked her alot I'm having a hard time letting her go 😓
It’s best for you in the long run . I just left a man who was unwilling to mange his it was very abusive for me and ruined my self confidence. Thank god I got out
She just left me, she thinks I did it all on purpose and I never cared for her. I gave her everything I had to give and more, I'm lost, broken, trying to fix myself, alone piece by piece, wishing my love would come back. I am so hurt man, 😭😭😭😭 this isn't fair, I don't like this, why....just why......I thought she loved me.......
As a white man with ADHD I rather just not bother dating because I am hated enough just for being born. ADHD and a white man would just never be something accepted by any in 2024. 🤣😂
Time to start looking inward. Maybe people find you hard to be around for other reasons besides being white and male. I’ve got a few guesses just based on that grievance alone as to why people find you hard to be around. Stop playing victim and work on yourself and you might see some improvement.
Your so much more laid back on these videos then a lot of women on ADHD videos , who ate really hectic , talk non stop and virtually unwatchable esp for us males with ADHD 😂
Lo único que se es que pueden perder el estribo y pueden darte golpes con pequeñas discusiones te llaman todo tipo de nombres eres una mierda para ellos no les importa insultarte delante de cualquiera
