Deadnamed At The Wedding | r/AITA 

@@camicienera fatherless behaviour 💀

​@@Captain_BottlesWho's fatherless?

@@SiusaidhMac NOT OP NOT OP I SWEAR I WASNT TALKING ABOUT OP

@@SiusaidhMac I was agreeing hard with OP and someone came out going against their lovely comment so I judged their ass

@@Captain_Bottlesthis is so funny, adorable, and wholesome.

And totally unnecessary!

ok

It was an incredibly hostile,mean gesture.

She had the option to take him up on his offer to not attend. He made the boundaries really clear. It isn't unusual for women to wear a pantsuit or something to a wedding, it wouldn't surprise me if she had this "dress code" specifically to try to force her nephew to act like a niece.

And the wedding wasn’t even affected… it shouldn’t have affected the RECEPTION either, which is what she was goin off about. (Yea Jaime has a point about the wedding details and how she should have focused on herself.)

I'm glad it went so well for you!

🥰

This is why I'm glad to not have much contact with my extended family. The most is my grandparents and great aunt. I have a lot of family I think, but we never interact. I'm glad that I won't have to come out to them because I can't imagine them being accepting...

ok

That's so great! ❤️

You deserve a Better Father.

@@nekusakura6748 thank you 🙏

Your father simply doesn't deserve you then, and if it makes you feel better, you've always got a family here 💞

You are not a sinner. You are you, and you deserve to be happy. Hope you find a person who shows you the love you deserve.

@@owl7072 I can feel that ❤️

I agree. I don’t mind dresses, but being told I have to wear something even if I was going to wear it anyway feels super restrictive for no reason. I get lose rules like all black for an even or occasion, or even uniform when you are in the army or whatever, but those things aren’t based an arbitrary things like whatever sex you happen to be born with. It’s just not right.

i didnt figure out my gender until college, but when me and my sister were kids, she only wore boys clothes. she would get upset when someone tried to force her into something feminine - she just wouldnt. she wouldnt even try out for the tennis team in middle school because they had to wear skirts. the coach wanted her so badly, they changed the rules so my sister would join and could play in shorts haha

@@QUEERVEEART Kudos to your sister for standing her ground!

Same. Tomboy and a straight cis woman. Doesn't mean I'm "supposed to" wear a dress. I don't need to go to your wedding if wearing a dress is mandatory.

@@bdaarmy9736 There's no such thing as cis women. There are women and then there are mentally unstable men with a perversion that makes them dress up as what they think a woman is

LMFAO THATS WHAT I THOUGHT OMGGG

Yeah. Its okay to hug one son but not the other? You mean one twin but not the other twin? Really? Does the woman even hear what she's saying? When dad called her homophobic it was only the truth.

I would be worried about her being around the straight step-son after comments like that. Just repulsive things to even cross your mind about someone's CHILD. Ew.

Had the same thought. Like the homophobia is bad, but the incestuous implications of father-son affection are WAY F'ING CREEPY! I can't see any other way to interpret her comments. Unless she just thinks being hugged by his father will make the kid *more* gay?? Either way, it's super cringe.. Edit: typo

It's amazing how many people assume this kind of thing - I have two mums, and it came up frequently when explaining that to people. I remember one particular time when I was a teenager, after finding out my mum's gay a boy said to me "Wait...soooo...does your mum fancy you?!" to which I responded "No. Does your mum fancy you?" at which point he gave me a weird look, said "No! But that's different because she's not...oh...oh I see"

It only matters what bride & groom feel that ONE DAY. The father chose the right side but he should have done it without confronting bride then & there he should have slipped out quietly

@@matemahe Or they could’ve just left him alone and let him wear a suit

I saw that one. The brother had contacted his sister (the bride) and they were in it together. It became a unifying moment.

​@@matemahewhat?

Coolest thing ever.

who knew

Aww that’s so sweet!

that is amazing

I'm so happy for you

Happiest of holidays!

That is beautiful!

Makes me worried how she views the older straight son 🤢 He's not even related to her

Yes, she’s very very creepy. Also, does she not trust her husband at all? Imagine if it was the same situation but with a gay/female friend instead, how would she react? (I can’t think too much of the actual issues she’s having, her thought process makes me nauseous.) I also find it hard to believe she has a close “mom-son” relationship with her stepsons if they only got married five years ago and the twins are 20? (If I remember the numbers right) Edit: I realise I made it sound like a stepparent and stepchild can’t become family, which is not what I meant at all. I was mostly thinking of my husband - he has had two stepparents for 25 and 20 years respectively and is very close to both of them, but not in a parent way… more like a close family member, like an aunt/uncle. And he was twelve when he met the first one.

That really struck me as well. Does she not hear herself? It's so gross.

@Cascaedis it honestly depends on the context of the situation and the context of the relationship, as far as closeness or distance with a step parent. My stepdad only married my mom about 5 years ago, but they had been dating for about 5 years before that. I don’t call him dad purely by virtue of me being a socially awkward potato, but to me he is my dad, and was my dad even before they actually got married. Meanwhile, my stepmom has been in the picture for probably 13 years, and married to my dad for a bulk of it. I struggle with viewing her as more of a mother figure and tend to see her more of like an aunt, but that’s in part because she’s also maybe 6 years older than me (I know there’s a lot that can be unpacked with that data point, but I’ll leave it at that because that’s not the focus lol). I’ve known her longer, and she’s been a “mom” to me longer, but due to other aspects of our relationship I struggle seeing her as one. I guess what I’m saying here is, parental relationships are complicated, and even more complicated with step parents. But the woman’s behavior and implications in that AITA segment is nauseating no matter how close or distant she was with her step sons. In fact, it’s even worse if she was close with them, only to drop this homophobic and very uncomfortably subtextual bomb on her step family. My goodness.

Unfortunately, this is apparently a thing 😕 It seems really weird to me, but I have heard first hand from women who had dads who just kind of stopped giving them hugs when they hit puberty.

I have a feeling that she'd mind getting called by their original last name over her new one because funnily enough, names mean a lot to some people.

As someone who is ALSO a transmasc called Connor, I feel it bro. It matters to me.

Im sure they appreciate it, you seem like a wonderful person!

I bet that'd make them feel a little better though, sure it sucks to have the reminder of a name that is dead to you, but it's gotta be so heart warming to see someone editing them and adding their correct names.

I just want to say thank you for being one of the grownups who gets it! I'm sure those kids love you. Because they know you're on their side. Also, you're sending a message to any parent, relative or teacher who doesn't get it yet and who see those cards. There's a reason we call them dead names. But sometimes people don't get that till they see the child's dead name crossed out.

As someone who's in yearbook I hate having to ask for someone's system/legal name, and I have to, because images need to be tagged with peoples names and we use the system names but I hate to do it

Happened with me as well, idk how it works for you but my mom was able to call the photography company that made the ids and got a new one with my name on it. It looked a bit different, like a deep fried meme but it’s alright

My mom is a single parent of three. Being a child of a single parent, I really have to congratulate and appreciate what you have done for these people.

That's a wholesome cousin moment. Honestly if it weren't for my cousins, I would've run away from my fam and started a new life on my own.

your welcome sometimes I report such vile hateful comments on videos including this channel so people don't have to see that crap hopefully am one of the many people on here that are helping out so if I am I'll say it again you're all welcome and makes me happy that am might be making a difference

@@stormtellier3804 You absolutely make a difference!!!

I appreciate it too because I've been targeted by some pretty hateful people on Jamie's videos too.

Does anyone know how it actually works? I will report harassment when I see it, and it often makes that comment disappear for me. Do RU-vid channels actually have admins with the authority to delete comments, or does having enough people report harassment cause a comment to not be shown? I would like to know what effect it has.

@@jadelinny I think the channel owners can delete comments, not sure though.

Hoping all the best for you!

When I first came out as bi, my mom literally rolled her eyes. I had to ask her what her reaction was even supposed to mean because she did not even verbalize her thoughts. She "it's just a phase"-ed me. But she couldn't escape when I came out as trans. Thankfully she's cool now.

ew, you're either a man or a woman and it's whatever you're born as. god doesn't make mistakes.

@@Poland4lifeFirstly, it’s not about changing how you were born, it’s making yourself more comfortable in your own body. This can be anything from surgery, picking clothes you like, using specific pronouns, etc. I don’t see how it could be gross or bother anyone for any good reason. Secondly, not everyone shares the same religion. I’m inclined to believe that you have made a mistake, given your poorly written argument.

I wish i could do top surgery even if """""only""""" non-binary 😭 i dont have the money to do it and it can be refund only if i follow the strict rules "be on T, meet a psychiatrist, have surgery" 😬 Im glad you're able to live freely with an accepting family now 🌟

@@akitokutikabanae7010 aw i'm sorry!! i was worried that a doctor wouldn't perform the surgery on me since i'm not "fully trans". but i met with a surgeon who did top surgery and explained my situation, and he said it was okay as long as i had a written letter from my therapist that i was secure in my gender and this surgery would make my life better. and my therapist was happy to do that for me. idk where you live, but maybe it could still be possible? good luck!! i never wanted to be on t but i really really wanted the surgery and it did change my life. i hope you can get it one day too if it's what you really want ❤️

@@QUEERVEEART i guess it can be possible to find a good doctor who accepts this kind of situation... As i'm disabled i cant work actually, but hopefully the day I could afford a surgery, i gonna search for someone great. Never lose Hope is kinda my definition ahah. (i'm french btw !) Thank you for your answer 🥰

So sorry to hear about your family's treatment of you. If you're still living with them I'm assuming you're quite young. Don't worry, you *will* be able to move out. 🤗 It just may be a very difficult transition time (both meanings) until you're able to do so. But then you can leave the trauma behind. Best of luck

So sorry that you are in this situation. It doesn't help you or your family. Staying true to yourself is so important. Perhaps in time they will be more accepting. It's hard when you can't leave them. Stay strong. 🙂💜

@@bossyboots5000 I’m going on 22 but I live in an extremely rural community with no jobs, so I can’t really do anything or afford to “start my own life”. It’s extremely discouraging when I’ve spent the past 4 years since graduating looking for a job and despite constantly applying getting nothing. I already feel like a failure because my brother has had jobs since he was 14 and my dad is the old school “I had a job when I was 17 and a house on my own the day I graduated.” Kind of person. And here I am. A 22 year old trans girl too afraid to follow her dream and make RU-vid content, but too unlucky to get a real job. Thank you for your kind words. I think I’m having one of those days where if someone hugged me I’d break down and cry.

@@westzed23 I don’t know if they ever will accept me. I came out as gender non-conforming after my graduation, and 2 years ago I came out as trans. Well that was the most recent one, and they seem to do everything in their power to remind me I was born one way. My dad even told me, to my face, after a doctor appointment, “you can’t change your biology.” I have a deep love of knowledge and science and a stubbornness to correct intellectual dishonesty and ignorance, and I got it from him. My dad used to be able to see the merits in both sides of an argument, and strive to be on the side of facts. And I don’t know when it changed but for years now he has pushed his own feelings over facts and has become extremely hateful. Racist, sexist, homophobic. I try so hard to not let it effect me, but i can’t. Thank you for your kind words, and sorry for the therapy session… I’ve had a lot of this weighing on me for a while. I’m honestly thankful that the majority of people I encounter are trans supportive, and that hateful people like my father are the extreme minority. Too bad lawmakers listen to that minority too often.

Im so sorry, you deserve so much better than this. You are 100% valid! Hope you can get out of this toxic situation soon.

This made me smile! ❤

ok

Well said. 💜

I can only assume that it works the same as when people who are very dumb think they're really smart, despite all the proof in the world indicating otherwise. I think that there's some real overlap.

ok

Me too, though I went to my besties wedding as maid of honour with suit tie and make up to mess with her family (at her request) It was so fun seeing their tiny minds explode all day! We still laugh about it now. Plus I'm a wheelchair user and queer so it was a blast! 💥

Yeah, like why are they assigning dress codes by genitalia? Ew

@@amyt3949 lol

I’m trans masc/genderfluid (not completely a woman but not entirely not a woman either) and I wore a button up shirt and pants to my prom. I’ll probably wear a dress this year

Someone who wishes they would hear those words coming from their significant other... Maybe ? I guess ? Pfffhh I have no idea what I'm talking about here, really.

I still need antidepressants because of my panic disorder I'm not depressed but my body gets Triggered by the anxiety

Jamie can’t even bother doing a video on Anderson Aldrich.

People who have actual clinical depression and aren't just in a bad mood at that moment, that's who.

Fatherless pfp

@@Jenny-nz8fb what do you mean? I'm pretty comfortable with my identity and even after losing my family I stuck with my transition because that's who I am

@@tyler4378 Jenny is a known transphobic troll. Ignore them. I am so sorry that happened to you and I hope the rest of your family is more supportive of who you really are.

As the father and grandfather of Neuro divergent people, I loved the last two sentences of your post. I have learned to put things I thought were "obvious" into words, and my family is better for it. Tyler, you are valuable and important, and the world needs you to live a good life. Thanks for a great post.

@@intercat4907 thank you so much for your reply, your words really brightened my day more than anything, thank you 🫂

That sucks ass. I'm sorry someone attacked you while you were vulnerable. You just wanted to share your life with him. He's ungrateful.

Tasty 😂

Just my cup of tea, 👌

Not my cup of tea but Ok

@@GoldenRevenge no one asked you though

@@SimF1e Nobody asked the original commenter but he's sharing his opinion. Same with me. We're allowed to have opinions on the internet and I personally don't find the most enjoyment on listening to homophobic AITA posts and that's ok

Before my son transitioned, he wore a suit to his cousin's wedding. Everyone talked about how sharp he looked, even though he was still presenting as a girl. Women wear suits all the time. It's nothing new. By throwing a fit about it, she just drew more attention to what she saw as "the problem" - No one would have noticed if she had just let it go

Seriously it’s such victim-blaming performative bullshit. Her wedding was fine, she was just trying to guilt trip them into enabling her transphobia and thankfully the dad wasn’t having it

When I first came out and when I was questioning, my parents were very specific about what I could and couldn’t wear to things. For example, they wouldn’t let me wear a shirt and tie to my friend’s quinceñera because she didn’t want me to take the attention away from her.

@@theeveningcallsforfairies5246 is it just me, or would a dress have been more distracting?

@@theeveningcallsforfairies5246 :( that's awful, I'm sorry!!

I disagree

That's awesome! Sorry about your grandad though. I get the same from my grandma, but it's because I came out after she had started showing signs of dementia so when I'm myself she doesn't know who I am. It's still painful, but forgivable.

"Silly, X is a boooyyyy. Eyeroll." I'm borrowing that. Coming from a 64-year-old man, it will either bewilder them or block them, and either way they'll hush, which is what we want. Cheers; thanks for the story.

Slay 👏🏻

And they're so fun too 🥰 I love wearing flowy ones and feeling them swish when I walk or spin a little when I turn👌

Valid

Fair haha As a trans man personally I don’t vibe with dresses but glad you find joy in dresses :) Also Hope it goes well 👍

Do not forget pockets or we may have a problem! /j

I don’t love him

@@Winter3448 and your point is?

That I don’t like him

@@Winter3448 guys I don’t think he likes him, might just be a crazy thought tho idk

In formal events such as weddings there's definitely a need for a dress code. Guys wear shirt and ties and women wear sun dresses That's perfectly reasonable Trying to force your _nephew_ to wear a dress because you don't agree with their gender identity That's perfectly illogical

@@desireeloveros1055 I assure you, dress code is optional. I have never been to a wedding where they told me how to dress unless I was in the wedding. I didn't have a dress code at my wedding. I guess it's normal in my experience for there to be no dress code unless it's a theme wedding (friends almost got married on May 4th and wanted people to wear Star Wars costumes and shirts if they had). Maybe I'm just weird and it's normal to want to control what your guests are wearing! There are a lot of societal normie memos I've missed over the years :)

@@desireeloveros1055 why does that dress code need to be assigned to gender though? Will the marriage be invalid if a girl wears a tie or a boy wears a dress? No. What if a woman disliked wearing dresses and wanted to wear a dress shirt and tie? You can't say it's inappropriate since that's what half the people are wearing.

@@desireeloveros1055 I think that sensible dress code is more about formal/casual. If a woman is uncomfortable wearing a dress she should be coerced into wearing one because the bride said so. Besides a "summer dress" isn't automatically formal, what about dresses one wears to the beach, they would be kinda inappropriate in a wedding :/

You went to just the right place. A woman who hints that her husband is a child molester is working up to false accusations involving their daughter. He needs to run not walk to get a family therapist. He also needs to have a lawyer on standby.

It seems to me that if the bride had used the preferred name, and not made a big silly fuss, everything would have been fine. But she had to shove her transphobia in both her brother's and her nephew's faces. Then she said her brother was making a scene. No, she created the situation, and if she'd left it alone when the brother and his family left (and he probably wanted to just tell her they were going and leave quietly) most of the guests wouldn't have given it much thought. The bride is the AH multiple times over.

Perfect. The teenager who was invited to the wedding was not the problem.

eyy, you are so sweet, I bet you truly will be the most amazing mom your kid could ever hope for!!

That's when you wear a classy, black, understated, but _feminine-cut_ pantsuit. ;)

No one owns a funeral. I am sorry someone had the ignorance and bad manner to interfere with you, and a funeral, that way. Buy them an etiquette book.

@@ShinyAvalon Yea, I had a femme top, cardigan, and slacks. Even wore makeup.

@@intercat4907 My mom was the one that "couldn't handle" me in a dress. She's gotten better since then.

That’s so sweet! My (18) dad (50) isn’t quite the same (doesn’t know I’m trans masc) but as far as he knows I lean towards androgyny so he also gives me some of his old clothes

That is sweet! I always appreciate any sign that you genuinely care, even if you don't really understand it. Especially when it comes from older folks who grew in vastly different time periods and even cultures, so them trying to do their best even if they mess up, but the thought is there and it shows. That means a lot more to me than someone who pretends they care a whole lot when in fact they don't give two dimes about you. My grandma grew up poor in the countryside in the middle of nowhere more than half a century ago and seeing me colour my hair was almost like she was watching a sci-fi movie. She honestly didn't get why would I make my natural hair a different colour (it was such an alien thing to her), but she gave me compliments and advice what clothes suited me better

I agree, as someone who is very close to one of their siblings and doesn’t know if they even want kids. I haven’t talked to two of my siblings in years because of how they act and I wouldn’t be afraid to cut off another one…

Wow, i'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I hope you have a great life without your mother weighing you down

It's just sitting on the sidelines so they don't get attacked themselves. In short, cowardice.

Congrats on being open as trans. You have some great friends and of course watching and hearing Jamie. I've learned more about myself watching him. I'm asexual and agender. Come out to your family when you want to. It goes along as steps on your true path. 👍🏻💜

"furious smacking over the head with a rubber chicken" has to be the best moment of realisation that I've ever heard haha. I'm glad you're being yourself, even in the face of those who might not support it

I remember my "Duh" moment. Someone who didn't even particularly like me, almost out of the blue, in an incredibly Latino-Catholic-homophobic part of Texas, said, "Why don't you just transition? It's easy." I was 42 ... and yep, that was what was going on. Oh, duh ...

It's been a year or more since this comment was made, but congrats on the gender!

Same! I don't understand how people even have an issue with other people being lgbtq, it doesn't affect them! I'm also bi btw

@@WoahItsKris nice 👍 (for being also bi)

@@WoahItsKris So true.👍🏻

I'm straight... and it makes me mad and disgusted as well. And the fact that these homophobic and transphobic people have to make up a narrative to justify their hatred is even worse.

@@sandrols7 exactly!

I had forgotten about that one! Oh geez!

I think he's on the right path, I pray he keeps going forward!

That’s an awesome way to bond!! Letting him teach you guy stuff sounds really sweet!!

I wish my dad was this supportive at my brother's wedding, when the photographer misgendered and deadnamed me. Instead, I got told that I wasn't allowed to get upset and basically told to "sit down and shut up," but in a more passive aggressive way.

Happy holidays to you to also I agree that shirt has drip (sorry for my cringe comment s)

Happy holidays !!

Happy Solstice!

Happy Holidays y'all

Happy holidays! And the shirt looks comfy af!