It’s funny that he has a pillow on his lap. I often use throw pillows in the same way as it offers a feeling that I have a physical barrier between myself and the people I’m around (in a home/intimate setting)
I'm also similar to this beside it I can't sleep without the blanket, no matter how hot it is. I felt like it was also to assure ourselves that we are secure in our space. 5w6 sx/so
The guys pillow in the lap, fingers constantly doing something, thinking before words come out. I relate so much with all of it. The lady constantly mmmhmm mmmhmm mhhhmm. Is driving me freaking crazy as he is speaking. I know she is listening and trying to be present, but i feel like im being interrupted and im not even the one talking. I dont know, it seems very fake and inconsiderate. Anyway, really good stuff, and im very thankful for the 5 sharing his thoughts. Oh. 5w4sx here.
I couldnt finish the video because her mmmmhhhmms were driving me crazy. I abhor fake and that comes across as very fake to me. Its also intrusive. Hes trying to say something worthwhile and you are interjecting yourself where you don't belong. What he had to say was very spot on for the most part. I also noticed the pillow he was holding. I do that too. I'd like to hear what he has to say on 5s without her making noise. It would be very fascinating. Sx/Sp 5w6
I agree. Man's trying to make several points but I think she was mumbling because she was more focused on her laptop (I don't know if she was taking notes or answering someone else) But I find it painful mostly because I'm just listening with my eyes closed and it sounds as if she's just ignoring him.
I am in the process of ending my 18 year and 15 year relationship/marriage to a 5. In fact, she asked me to study the enneagram to "understand her" and to "save the marriage." I am committed to making the best of the co-parenting responsibilities. It is amazing how much a 5 expects from other people to be able to interact with them successfully in a romantic relationship. The way I explain it to people now is that even now, after 18 years, there is near zero communication of what their commitments will be to meet challenges and needs. I went back and listened to our wedding vows, even the vows were a communication of how she wanted me to be in her life, not a commitment of basically anything. I upset her very much when I say this rarely if ever our relationship felt like a partnership.
I wonder what their subtype is and past experiences in childhood cause it sounds like an unhealthy 5 to put it all on the other-a bad sign for anyone in a relationship really. As a social-sexual 5, my previous marriage I often felt my 2 partner expected a lot of me to "just know" and even thought themselves to be super empathetic (which I disagreed cause they couldn't empathize with my 5-ness 😂). Similar to what was said at one point in the video, I asked my partner to be direct with their needs and also we built in time for us to do that consistently. They ended up resenting me. 😅
@@FloydtheWizard my highest numbers are tied for 7 and 2. But I think I am a 4, at least my inner child is I believe. I can see how that would be the case. I hear what you are saying because you say she did not have empathy for being a 5, or perhaps avoidant attachment. My wife used to say she wished I felt what she felt. I eventually sort of did because I ended up with CPTSD. I think she is social, self pres and sexual last. Tough call between self pres or social. She did not schedule us time. The relationship always got the very minimum of effort.
Very interesting. Completely agree with the suggestion that others should be upfront and honest with us. I think I’m really straightforward and I have no time for what I perceive as social games. Having to read between the lines of what someone is saying in order to understand them drives me nuts. Just tell me and then I can analyse what you’re saying correctly. Also agree with the sensitivity to truth comment. I abhor fake behaviour, and while I know 2s don’t think they’re fake, because so much of their behaviour is geared around how they imagine others perceive them and their desire for others to view them as kind, to me it comes across as incredibly constructed. I will judge whether I think you’re kind on the basis of your genuine behaviour, and I can’t do that while you’re performing. In that sense, Beatrice’s affirming ‘mhmm’ all the way through was incredibly intrusive to me as well. Let the guy speak! To me it showed she was trying to project that she was listening, but failed to acknowledge that was for her and that fives don’t need those little social cues. We would much prefer you listened and then gave a reasoned verbal response.
I love how Uranio states over and over again: be straightforward and be concise with anything you want to communicate. Then give us time. I’m like exactly!! That’s it!!! Please! 😅
This habit of 'active listening' and throwing noise without nutritional value at someone who does not need affirmation, but silence so they can hear themselves think -- that is super annoying. 2s have other passive-aggressive verbal ticks that throw many 5s off, sadly. 5s who are unaware of enneagram will still detect those ticks, and chances are, they will be reminded of past abuse at the hands of 2s in their life, and the defenses will go up immediately. 5s will happily share with 4s or 7s, and do funny banter with 8s, but throw in too many 2s in a room, and the 5 will shut down. I did not want to admit this for the longest time, but yes, 5s are super sensitive, not emotionally, but with regard to sensory overload. Noise without information is very stressful. You are on constant alert because you think information is coming in while you are trying to focus on speaking, but it's merely drowning you in cortisol.
Great video, as usual. But "You'll never win the game to a 5 in the intellectual arena, unless you are a head type". Does that mean then that head types have more intellectual capacity than the other two triads? Because my answer is stark clear: no. I can check it every day with head types I know. Intellectual capacity depends on the individual, not the triads. I know 9s and 2s, for instance, who are intellectually gifted, and 7 and 5 who are very rational but intellectually mediocre. As for intelligence there's everything under the sun in all the three triads. I don't know exactly what Uranio meant with this statement, but I find it necessary to be more accurate with these key aspects of the enneagram that may lead to confusion. Thank you for your great job.
I think instead of intellectual, a better word would be the mind (cause like you said with being"rational"- it is just internal schema based on prior experience including the selected data they have in mind and not necessarily being actually intellectual/smart). And the mind is better way maybe to think about it since it's something so core to us as 5s, going there unless you also are a head type might not be the best approach since the way of processing information is more different versus among head types or even between 5s. I so appreciate my friends who can go there in terms of the head and we just vibe, but it is so so refreshing (even if initially uncomfortable) to be around body and heart types that bring me into that world. And these folks definitely can be "smarter" then me, especially how effortless/innate it can erupt out of the body types-I'm thinking of one of my best friends who is a 1. It always astounds me how seemingly effortlessly smart she is but I put lots of effort/time into my mind trying to not be necessarily smart but to understand or be rational (which I think underdeveloped 5s mistake for "intelligence" which can be annoying 😂).
@@FloydtheWizard I absolutely agree. Sometimes action is a prove of intelligence, whereas overthinking entails stupidity. And sometimes it is right the opposite. Heart types have problems with emotions, and their ego blinds their intelligence with emotions. Body types have problems with rage and their ego blinds their intelligence with the guts. Head types have problems with the mind and their ego blinds their intelligence with the head. As I said, intellectual quality and capacity has to do with the individual, no the triad where he belongs to.
Any type can be intelligent or an intellectual. I know it's fiction, but Hermione Granger is a type 1 for example. I think the implied point was: dont go toe to toe with a type 5 when you're trying to use emotions to back up an objective stance on something. We will quickly dismiss your opinions as irrational feelings that have clouded your judgment. That said, there are many type 5's, some of whom are so in their own head, they really dont learn much. Sad really. Others live by an absolute need to gather ALL, I mean ALL the information, and could pose challenging to confront on any terms. Then there are type 5's that specialize in a specific subject of study. Youd be hard pressed to combat them on their expertise, but could probably best them at a lot of other things. Most 5's are capable of removing emotional obstacles that get in the way of truth or facts. Saying something you never meant to say in a heated argument is highly unlikely for a 5. They were probably checked out before it even got to that point, lol. Anyway, i think the message was that if you try to objectify an emotional reaction to something, most 5's will squash it promptly.
@@Weicho1 Excellent comment, thank you. Precise and necessary. I could interpret what Uranio meant to say, but I found it necessary for the viewer to clear this point up. It causes common confusion.
Is it normal for a five to not respond to texts? Like “good morning”? I know it’s normal for friends, but I’m their partner. My 5 often doesn’t respond to my texts, which aren’t even that often, and it makes me feel like he doesn’t care about me anymore or chooses to ignore me. (we’re long distance by the way). He used to message me a lot in the beginning and we would text all the time. He would say sweet things to me. He also hardly ever sends any message first now and I feel like he could go a whole day without messaging me or thinking of me. How does a Five show that they love you? Maybe he just doesn't love me anymore.
I can only speak for myself and not all fives but I hope it helps. I'm a 5w6. First of all I hate long distance relationships because Im not good at communicating through the phone although I don't mind texting during the early stages of the relationship when I'm curious about the type of person you are, but I prefer direct physical communication. I tend to be direct like an 8 in that I don't mind initiating conversations with people I love. I express love by wanting to spend quality time physically with someone, offering my advice and help to them, just generally including them in my life and sharing my time and resources with them, but they must reciprocate. I also want the other person to understand that I also love my alone time and it doesn't have anything to do with them( I'm not sad or mad at them, it's not about them) . The problem starts when the other person makes me feel like I'm forced to do these things, like they are entitled to my time and energy, everything has to feel natural and not forced to a 5, be open and direct don't sugarcoat anything this will make us respect you and helps us know where we stand with you because we tend to over analyze the relationship and our compatibility with people. People don't usually understand us so it's normal for us to be skeptical about the relationship. We might cut communication with you or just end the relationship if we feel misunderstood, the relationship feels forced or if you expect a lot from us.
Speaking from my personal perspective as a 5w4. It is normal for 5's to not respond to texts. Small talk is a necessary evil. We think it's worse to respond inauthentically, than to engage in niceties. In the beginning the newness is an opportunity for the 5 to gather information. Once enough information is gathered, you'll see that eagerness pitter out. Instead of saying "Good morning" you'd probably get a better response by engaging them intellectually; i.e did you have any dreams last night? how did the thing you were working on yesterday turn out? or even just hey, I'm thinking of you. Placing expectations on a 5 is, for better and worse, seen as a possible threat to their security. I would recommend preparing/explaining why communication is important to you and the relationship, this will help them understand and be more willing to engage. They need to know WHY. They don't want to do anything frivolously because they feel like they have limited energy in the day. HOWEVER, 5s can emotionally detach very easily and for unhealthy reasons. You can see a 5's love through helping solve a problem you're having, giving you time out of their day (regardless of how little), letting you into what they're thinking/doing (no matter how weird), serving a physical need (making you a meal). 5's can very easily fall into a habit of doing everything on their terms. Don't be afraid to be forward and challenge a 5's selfishness. I would say the portion of the podcast about inner work ( 22:58 ) is a great explanation of how to approach them. Hope this was helpful.
5w4sx here. First, most 5's loathe small talk. Personally, I do enjoy getting a good morning or miss you, but don't really feel any need to respond. It was a statement and I appreciated it. If I'm in a mood to engage, I will respond, but more often, open ended questions work better, or give me a problem to solve for you. That is my love language. Also, the other person put it perfectly, when we are gathering information, we are probably more engaged than anyone you have ever met before. Once we know what we need, we are probably one of the most recluse people you've ever met. I know this swing is shocking, but it doesn't mean we don't care. Take it as a compliment that we have spent our most valuable resources getting to know you. That said, if someone becomes needy, demands my time, places extra expectations on me, etc. That is a sure fire way to get me to push away. One of the biggest rules 5's live by is this: I promise to need as little as possible from you and the world, I will make sacrifices to need less. All I expect in return, is to not need much from me. If you push your needs on him, he will run. The video explains how to deal with this well. Express that you have a need, one need, then let them know that they have time to think about it. Don't give them a laundry list; don't blow up something insignificant, like the toilet seat being up. Be clear about what you need and make sure THEY know they have time to process it.
Yes,it's normal. I could go days without texting or talking to my husband. I think about him all the time and care deeply, but I don't feel a need to communicate unless there is something important and worthwhile to discuss. My time is valuable and his time is as well. I'm not going to waste his or my time with stupidity and fluff. Now if the text demands an answer such as " How do I turn the water main off because the house is flooding?" or " What time is the delivery person getting here with the new furnace?" Then of course I'll answer the text. If it's a simple " I hope you're having a good day." then I don't see the point in answering. I read it and I got the message. Nothing more is needed. Sp 5w6
