Dementia and Power of Attorney: Medical and Financial Power of Attorney for Dementia 

I am 67 years old. I was diagnosed with dementia 4 years ago. I take 2 different meds everyday to try and get my dementia to slow down. So far I am maintaining just fine. I thank you so much for your videos, I learn from them too.

My mother is 83 and I am 48. A couple of months ago I moved back home from out-of-state b/c for the past two years my Mom has been showing symptoms: repeating stories every 10 minutes, making up stories e.g. she was in 9/11, mixing up stories, acting paranoid about everyone, and short-term memory loss. She was writing me letters asking me if I am okay in prison and when will I be released, except I have never been to prison. She was hysterically calling and emailing and texting 4-5 times per day about having no money to have her taxes shredded and work done on her property and it sounded like it was an emergency. Yet at the same time she drove to the store everyday and paid her bills immediately. So I moved back to help out. And now not a peep about the taxes or getting the work done, and immediately when I pulled up was complaining about "all my stuff". Keep in mind she has always been a loving mother and had never said a bad word to me or ever even cursed. It also turns out that she pays for services and subscriptions she does not use either ever or not for a few years, and she can't remember anything about them or lies instead when asked. Anyway, four days ago all of a sudden she stormed out of the house and was gone for a few hours. When she got back she had a nasty scowl on her face and stayed that way for about 24 hours. I sat next to her to ask her if she was okay and she exploded cursing at me claiming I was trying to control her and to "get the fuck out of here" at the top of her lungs. I have never seen anything like it. It was frightening and I am somewhat scared to be here. I have been paying off her credit card since I've been here, doing work around the house, got her taxes shredded, etc., but she must think I am up to no good or something. I left home when I was 15 and had not been back until now or had too much contact with her. And now quite suddenly since the outburst she is nothing but mean to me and blames her credit card debt on me. It's downright bizarre this narrative she has. The credit card debt looks like it was various work-related items before retirement, car repair debt, and home repair debt. But when I listen closely to her stories it sounds like she thinks everyone has done her wrong and were criminals including all of the workmen she had hired to do various repairs over the years. I guess they were always hitting on her. Honestly, I think she has been financially irresponsible her entire life. Her parents paid for her college and paid for half the house and she never saved a dime but averaged about 50,000 USD per year. I find it very hard to have any real respect for her. Meanwhile I have been working remotely full time since the pandemic. Just wanted to get that out of me. Not sure what to do.

I live in Florida and I have an Unlimited POA for medical and financial that was set up when my mother was first diagnosed. However, while she or my father were still able to make their own reasonable decisions, that took precedent over my ability to step over their wishes, which of course, I would never do. As my mothers dementia progressed and my father was no longer comfortable making her health decisions, I would discuss with him the options and we would come to an agreement. Now that my father has passed, my mother since diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and living with me, the Unlimited POA has been priceless in caring for her estate and her health. The POA’s were the most important thing we did to assure them of the care they wanted.

Me and my sisters journey with dementia with my mom ended this week We flew blind through it it nice to no there are people like you out there helping people deal with it it is a over powering task

Thank you so so much for your diligence and informative simple to understand format. Your videos have been sanity saving. May God bless you richly

Thank you so much for all the help you are a wonderful and sweet woman. My sister and I are going through all this right now so it was very pertinent! Thanks again for caring and for the great info sharing.

Love your videos. They are so good at explaining concepts with clarity. I really appreciate the slides where you clearly explain confusing concepts.

Extremely valuable information. Thank you!

Perhaps the regulations are different in the US from Canada. My brother and I are both medical and financial power of attorneys for my parents. My Dad passed away in 2020 but my Mom is still with us. When Dad fell and broke his hip and had to go into a care home, he was 99 at the time, both my brother and I had to sign to necessary documents. Our cousin is the lawyer who drew up these papers. He has been the family lawyer for many years and we trust him completely that they are correct and legal. There was never any question from the care home that we were both power of attorneys and there has never been any questions from my parents financial institution that we are both financial power of attorney. My mom is 100 and has been living with my husband and I for 2 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia. It’s very challenging as I am 72 with more physical health problems than she has. We take it one day at a time and pray that we will be given discernment in all our decisions. Thank you.

This was extremely helpful information. The clarification that you added was needed - Thank you!

So many things you're sharing are incredibly valuable to me now...so glad I 'tuned in' to your superb vide0/tutorial..

Thank you, Dr Natali. We are getting a lot out of your channel and videos.

Just an FYI that we just found out. My wife is POA for her father who is getting into the advance stages and after visiting the doctor we were told that she could be held responsible and even sued if something happen because he was not supervised as needed. If he was to walk out into the street and get run over or do something that causes harm to others then we could lose everything we own. I know this is an older video and I have no reason to believe the doctor doesn't know about these things but, I would really like to hear another opinion or someone else's advice. Thank you

another very important issue is that a durable power of attorney really does not have much effect as long as the individual who granted the POA still has the ability to say "No" when issues are being discussed. When this happens you must engage an attorney and petition the court for a general guardianship in which you ask the court to determine the individual in question is incapacitated and unable to make decisions, basically incompetent. the durable POA is incorporated into the petition and when guardianship is granted then the durable POA takes effect and the court's order will make reference to that document.

Exactly what I needed to know today! Thank you.

This is so helpful! I really appreciate these videos! I actually have a PhD in behavioral neuroscience, so while I understand a lot of the science behind the disease, navigating the legal and medical landscape has been a challenge. My mom has dementia and it's been rough on the family.

I clicked Thumbs up and Subscribe because your so clear and right to the point. Thank You

As Natali mentioned, it is important to start early! One reason that I delayed was because I was thinking “it is not yet time to do this,Mom is still competent”. This attitude overlooks what you can and SHOULD do even while your loved one is competent:research. We can start contacting banks etc pro-actively “just to find out what they will require”. In case it is awkward to ask your loved one to sign these papers because it is “too soon”... you might be able to collaborate with a doctor to counsel the loved on the importance of addressing these issues BEFOREHAND since there is seldom an objectively decisive moment. The doctor will seldom raise this issue unless you specifically ask for help on this issue

Thank you so much for this great support and help. I'm taking a crash course as a caregiver...what a shock this all is....

Thank you for sharing this important information. Your examples were clear and concise.

Great easy to understand explanation - Thank You!

Thanks, you answered lot of things I wasn't sure of.

YES!! VERY HELPFUL!!! Thank you

So very helpful. Thank you for such a clear explanation. Much appreciated. ❣

Thank you Natalie for this information. I am right in the middle of this situation now.

Thanks 😊. I needed to know what to do. U gave lots of help

I am so glad I found you, I am my mothers Durable power of attorney for medical and Financial. She has just been Officially diagnosed with dementia and its recommended that she be in a home because she is not understanding her illness and falls and has been in and out of the hospital and rehab facilities numerous times over the last year. She is unable to walk or care for herself any longer and they will not let her just go home to an unsafe environment. (she lives alone) The problem is my older brother REFUSES to acknowledge that i am her power of attorney and has taken all of her financial records, i cant get her mail to pay any of her bills, he has everything from her drivers license, social, and about $2000 in cash, etc of hers that he refuses to return anything. Refuses to even talk to any of the family. I need her information to place her in a care facility and only have a matter of 2 weeks to do so. I don't know what to do. Im so frustrated with him and his denial that there is anything wrong with her. What is within my right to do if anything?

difference between mental capacity act of law and power of attorney Dr continue with your good work You Guys doing great

My grandma is in the hospital right now for the first time for hallucinations and confusion. She literally went from fine, living alone working in the garden to thinking shes on a dirt road in an accident. Its the craziest thing ive ever seen. Has anyone else seen such a rapid onset like this before?

I happened to come across your videos, my Mom has dementia, not sure what level. She lives in Reno Nevada and we are trying to bring her home to Hawaii. With this Covid19 situation not sure when. I’ll have to figure out all of her finances with her Banks and transferring her accounts to a Bank or C.U. And yes your Videos has and will be a BIG HELP in bringing Mom home and caring for Her too. Thanks so so so much.

Even if there’s no dementia yet involved power of attorney is important. A few years ago my husband had a severe stomach bleed and at first ( due to a stomach bypass) and a holiday weekend they couldn’t find where it was. Meanwhile he went into shock due to blood loss and wasn’t aware of where he was. He thought the doctor was a vet and refused to get surgery. It was very upsetting but due to the power of attorney I had they were able to proceed. They finally did an endoscopy and found a hidden bleeding ulcer they fixed. At this hospital they also have this on their files. He lost so much blood he may have died. I’m not sure they would have proceeded if they didn’t have this.

My sister passed away from Lewy Body Dementia after 7 years of suffering. My niece was Power Of Attorney. My sister was in her house in Ridgefield, CT, with round the clock care givers for the first 4 years. The last 3, were at an Assisted Living facility, in Darien, CT, called The Residence.

Thank you, thank you for touching bases on a breakdown of how things should work. As a sibling your insight has is a eye opener.

Very informative. Thank you

Your chart at 1:40 states your Financial POA can make "Medical" decisions about your finances, whereas "Financial" decisions seems more appropriate and fits with the rest of your message. No reply necessary. Very helpful, thank you.

I am so glad I found you! So helpful

Thank you Doc....

Thank you doctor for all your videos.

Great ! I love it.

My brother is a disabled veteran in a wheelchair who has vascular dementia. He refuses to give any power of attorney to me. I had to put him in a NH at the beginning of the Corona Virus due to my being quarantined and he lived alone and I couldn’t take care of him. I’m 75 years old and he is 72. He is still legally married to a woman who hates him and they have not lived together for over:30 years!! Thank you

Very helpful very informative thanks a lot

I have recently become legal guardian (Article 81) for my sister with dementia. This covers both POA and Health Care Proxy in New York State. So much still to do!

Dr. Natali, Thank you so much for posting this information. I am about to plunge into the legal signing this week for my parents and feel very "lost" on these issues. This really helps to clarify many issues you mentioned, primarily the financial POA. Bless you!

I am a nomad with two esas. I am attempting to do caregiving for my 94 year old Grandmother who has moderate dementia but still very bright ( we just think my esas are different species, microwave dinners need to be sealed in the box and cooked that way, we knowingly put large used sanitary pads in the washer and dryer and the list goes on). I have taken over getting her mail and paper at the highway, buying 85 percent of the groceries (my uncle does the rest he is 20 minutes away), washing dishes laundry and anything else that comes up. She and my uncle asked for me to come some time ago and I got here in July and my three birds one of which is an outdoor bird and stays outdoors the other two stay outside to play and sleep with me upstairs at night) . Every two weeks she says I didn't agree to these animals usually just after I have just done all of the house work made coffee for her done her dry erase board with day of the week on it and medication check boxes and any appointments or visits on it . She seems to throw the biggest fits about me being here with Izzy and Shiloh and Finn outside when I have bought a weeks worth of groceries. She's Happy to get all of the things I took the trouble to get for her that she does really like and then within four to twelve hours later she jumps on me like a tone of bricks. Grandma has never been what you could call a "nice" person she has from what anyone who used to live with her says showed very pronounced indicators of npd. So you constantly have to figure out what you are in fact dealing with at every rough interaction and negotiate each incident. I was an ese school bus driver at one point for emotionally handicapped highschool, and I was temporarily around four other dementia patients so I'm not unfamiliar with some of this but being kicked out with 17 hours between me and Asheville NC and having to take down a ten by ten pen I hammered into hardpan that is up outside for Finn and Shiloh and Izzy during the day and takes three days to hammer in the posts is not reasonable when she says she wants us gone. How do I obtain the legal right to stay with my esas. I can just give her her space when she is mad until she calms down. But winter is coming and she can't do this herself anymore and I literally have to find a good home for Finn in the middle of nowhere if I leave. Paying her "rent" that my uncle then turns back into grocery money seems to be a good option but how do I legally do this. I know that I need to get esa paperwork on Izzy and Shiloh what we have been doing up until now is just living in the car from place to place and just going into places with companion animal policies like Lowe's and JoAnn s and parking on public lands but we cannot do below zero temps in upstate NY and our closest nomad group we are safe with is Asheville NC where we are outfitted to withstand the winter and two of the three birds would be welcome at the parks and other amenities we use. It should be noted that I also keep my animals clean and my animals are educated in everything from deep pressure to parrot and dog obedience commands and I am not one of " those" people who bring full-sized untrained and unsanitary pigs onto an airplane. I need my birds at night they make me feel safe when nothing in my life has. She has temporarily agreed to them. How do I deal with all of this. I have gotten rid of or stopped doing everything else I love. How do I get her to at least conceed that this is the end of the line for both her and me. She literally got herself kicked out of the hospital the last time she was there about 6 weeks before I got here. My uncle came to visit and they said hey can you just take her now when she was supposed to be under observation for the next day or so.we do have good moments too. The dementia sometimes actually cancels out the npd. And at least some of the time I figure out the right thing to say to where she is at ease and gives me a real smile and not a I have got control again smirk. She also has no sleep schedule so she tends to do rampages at night and sleep alot of the day. I know the sound of when she needs help and when she doesn't so I stay out of it when she doesn't. How do I do this. How do I protect myself and my birds

Very helpful!

Thanks so much!

its been a tough time my grandmother did not do a POA so I contacted a elder law firm for a guardianship. I did draw up poa papers but she was incontintent to sign it or understand it. so I have been paying for her bills for now out of my pocket and today I have to pay something on the nursing home because they need a payment im close to getting a guardianship I have signed the papers presented to the judge in NJ and have a court case next month to get it.

Thank you so much 🙏🏻

This is not my specific problem but I can envision it would be for many others. IF you did not get your loved one to prepare a DPoA when they were still of sound mind, I assume a spouse or relative could still be granted their DPoA by a court order. I would assume letters would be required by 2 physicians unrelated to the person that attest to their level of dementia. Can you perhaps add a few words about how this would work in most states?

Hopefully, you are still answering questions! Great advise and expert knowledge of POA's. Wanted to know what to do if I already had a POA and, two days after mine, another family member talked my relative into letting them have a POA on her too. But, dementia kicked in because she forgot she just signed for one 2 days before. We've asked the other relative to destroy her paperwork because she said she didn't know "I" already had mine in place before hers but, don't think she will do it. Thks for your response.

My siblings are looking into medical poa and guardianship for my mom. My brother has durable poa. We are very afraid of what one brother will do if we do not take care of this. He had visited mom and refused to leave after destroying property at moms. We were told poa was not enough to make keep him from moving in if she allowed it. We hate more than anything to declare our incompetent.

Thank You 💗

In the state of Florida...a POA can't be done meanwhile a person has dementia. Im going through this. Legal guardianship is an expensive that I would have to pay from my pockets. Its difficult to help an elderly parent who didnt fix nor discuss what to do before an illness take over them. Laws need to be amended or added to help families in these type of situations. Believe me ive knocked doors. Its not easy.

This is Cheryl A. I am learning a lot from your videos. Thank you, thank you for the wonderful answer to my question. What I type in, I read over it and it didn’t make sense so I’ll input it all over again I do not know what came up that gave you the impression that I didn’t want to subscribe to your RU-vid channel so that’s why I’m making this comment to you again please understand we enjoy your feedback.

I wish I had seen this group years ago. I've looked after my sister for the last 10 years. Within the last 6 months, I've had to put her into a nursing home. I still feel like I've failed her, but I was truly in a caregivers burn out. I feel she is in the later part now. She can hardly keep her head up, has to be fed, can't walk anymore, and is getting so skinny. I love her dearly, but think I've made the right decision for both her and I.

Thank you

Your videos are very helpful thank you ,,

Need asap. Thank you

thank you!!

Thanks

Thank you so much. Your videos are very helpful💕

I have both healthcare power of attorney and healthcare power of attorney for my 89 year old mother. Thankfully, she set both of these up about 15 years and forgot about it. It would be very difficult to have her sign this over to me today.

Thank you for this video. My mother has dementia and she argues with me a lot but i am just trying to help her. I have poa over her

I wish I had seen this BEFORE I agreed to be POA. I would never have done so, if I knew then what I know now. Ardy Hagen is SO right!

Thank you for this .

As siblings we all have enduring POA but are divided. One thinks they can buy large items without any mention and parent concerned about having to pay for them. One thinks they can arrange carers without mention to the rest of us or mum wanting it the intervention. Two of us want mum to have choices maybe reduced options but she is not a fool. Its tough trying to convince an bossy sibling they are using their wishes as choices and not your parents wishes.

Not just dementia . Any issue that ends with a loved one in care. Just sorted mine for my wife who at 46 is now in a carehome with secondary progressive multiple sclerosis both financial and health attorney got for both myself and my daughter an absolute must .

Important advice, thank you, Dr Natali. Most of your advice was "right on", but there are state differences and it's helpful to have legal advice. For instance, in CA, where I practice Elder Law, a Durable Power of Attorney (Financial) can have two personal representatives, even though that may not be a good idea, and Medical Powers of Attorney are called Advance Health Care Directives (AHCD). Although anyone can fill them out, it's helpful to have someone with experience guide you through the various choices in each document. In CA, for most people, it's important to have a Revocable Living Trust as well as an AHCD, in the event you become incapacitated. Without them, you may have to go to court to have a Conservator appointed--a painful process--and you may not get to choose your Conservator. Thanks for your ministry. You're providing a very valuable service.

My parents had all of the correct paperwork done thru an attorney, yet my siblings still were able to come in to petition the court for total guardianship, taking away decision making for my other over my dad. Can't believe that was possible.

Good information

Note that in some states both medical and financial roles can be spelled out in a single complete document (DPOA a with a medical provision). Ask a qualified attorney in your location. Also in estate planning, I’ve been told about “Directives to Physicians” so ask about those also.

My mom is already unable to make decisions now. She never got power of attorney. I’m basically screwed at this point, but I’m technically still making decisions here and I worry about how to navigate this if she’s taken advantage of, especially with medical and financial.

Hi, thanks for all your wonderful information. A question: My sister with "Alzheimers" first state, has an only son 50 yrs. and she doesn't want to sign any document to authorize her son for anything. What should he do? Thanks for your answer.

If only more people in the financial world comprehended DPOA or POA in general. My elderly mother selected me to handle things for her as did my wife. Some banks know and understand these documents and some don’t at all. One bank associate asked a manager while I was waiting “he’s not an actual attorney, can he do these things?” and they started to call someone by phone until a manager walked in and explained it to them. The process at this bank took 2 weeks and a follow up by me. I spoke to my mother about putting these funds in her regular bank where they know both of us and they handle POA without issues and she agreed. Once cleared authorization at the not so intelligent bank I asked for a cashiers check and took it to the bank that respects them and their customers time. No more issues. I’ve had issues with my wife’s credit union too using POA and she’s about ready to leave there as well. They cite they are a small bank and can’t afford losses. We aren’t rich and what more protection than a legal notarized POA do you need? One bank no problems 2 other banks problems.... something tells me if I was a lawyer they wouldn’t bat an eye but normal Joe can’t do a transaction in a reasonable time. Education!

Peter Woodcock ...im going through the same thing with my dad. He is so stubborn. All his life..its his way or the highway. Well im doing my best...but he is withering away because of his stubbornness.

Very valuable information. I am an only child and we elected to split the medical and financial POA because it is too much for one person to handle.

Thanks for taking the time to to make this video. One question: I have a mother who i literally do everything for in living including healthcare, immigration paperwork etc. recently I filled out an application on her behalf and the immigration officer was asking for a proof of legal guardianship. All I have is POA for healthcare and POA titled for financial/property. On the poa for property We did added an additional line that the agent can make decisions with the immigration. I don’t know if they will accept that. I really need the poa for property because she’s negative $. But that’s only two type of poa I could get. is there such POA for a person who you do every little thing or should those POAs work? Thank you very much

My husband clearly has some sort of dementia going on and has been for quite a while. He refuses to believe there is anything wrong and will not see a doctor for it..At his last physical his doctor told me there is nothing he can do if my husband doesn’t ask for the help. So, we have been going along hoping he doesn’t have a major car accident and just living with these symptoms. It is frustrating and worrisome. It keeps me up at night while he sleeps like a baby. He can’t preform any executive functions, he can’t be relied on for almost anything. So, I have resigned myself to just dealing with it day by day. He is extremely happy and content in this delirium but I’d like to pull my hair out and are over burdened. My husband and I are only married four years. And there is no doubt I married him not realizing he came with this disease.

Just what was needed. Thank you. What is the cost of obtaining a POA?. I learned what to expect and help my beloved wife. Thank you?

There is a difference between Durable Power of Attorney and a Health Care Power of Attorney. Do a Living Will and no one can go against your wishes.

I recently signed a ‘Health Care Proxy’ for my mom who has clear signs of dementia. A copy of the form was given to her health care provider. It this the same as POA for her medical care?

Is a medical POA the same as a health proxy?

How does one go about activating a medical power of attorney? In other words, at what point does the medical decision making get turned over to the designated POA?

If your loved one refuses to go to the neurologist (after the PCP referred) for diagnosis or to go to assisted living, can you make them go? Any ways/tips to get them to go? I have power of attorney but prefer not to force.

Im POA for my dad who has dementia. He would never allow me to have medical POA. But he did get me on a financial POA. He has been in the nursing home for a couple of months. He has cancer and refuses to do any treatment or even see a doctor. I believe he is in stage 7. So, Im taking care of all his financial affairs, but cannot force anything on the medical part.

I so agree. My son is going to be mine. But as I'm the patient we must get it done now. Just so hard to catch up to him!

My mother is 84 she named myself and my brother for both for both poa has been moved to memory care. I do not want to be poa of either. I am closer to facility and it’s hard enough to have to be there every other day. She was living in my home. Because of my medical issues she went into assisted living. She wondered from that place walked out in street 55 mph area luckily not hit but was moved to memory care immediately. Every time I go up there she has everything packed and ready to come back to my house. It’s a lot for me to handle. He rarely sees her but hopefully he will take care of poa issues cause it’s just too much for me.

Someone mentioned a charging clause in the POA but I haven't been able to find any information about it ! Any thoughts ?

What can you do if the POA for my 92 year old grandparent is making unethical financial decisions (ie using grandparents money for their personal gain), and not providing regular medical care (ie regular doctors visits/check ups)?

I just finish getting durable POA for med. and finaces for my mother oct /2021 something I have dreaded doing but necessary she has an aggressive form dementia and cancer I am retired police officer I scene and have saw a lot in my career, but this here is he most difficult matter I have ever had to encounter

In India I have fought and won a case where I got a Judgement in my clients favour by arguing before the Court that a Power of Attorney becomes void when a person becomes incapable of entering into a contractual relationship.

My grandmother has dementia and I live with and take care of her. I cook I clean I do the shopping and more. My aunt has durable POA and I'm worried she's going to kick me out. I know it's not what my grandmother would want. My grandmother is still able to communicate and stuff. She makes her own cereal in the morning and showers on her own. But I have to make her other meals. As the day goes on she gets sun downers. Is there anything I can do to stop my aunt from completely taking over? She's on a power trip. If I get my grandmothers wishes recorded on my phone would it help my cause?

Hi! Mrs a power of attorney can be revoke?someone that I know has violated the power of attorney my friend needs help

My dads wife and house repair attorney have recently convinced my dad I said something and I didn't. The wife got him convinced to change the poa which was me for over 25 years from before my Mom passed. I will be seeing an elderly law attorney as I understand the new poa is void with his history of dementia. It's never a good thing for a second wife to be jealous and hateful of you from the beginning. It's very painful to lose a parent this way.

Is the Health care surrogate document same as medical power of attorney?

In Tasmania the enduring POA is financial decisions and the enduring guardianship is for medical decisions. We had to sign both papers. The guardianship came into effect straight away. The POA will only come into play once certified that someone is 'non compus mentus' by dr. My husband is moderate dementia and we're almost at the point to get dr to activate POA. I'm already making all the decisions.

Without POA...your hands are tied.

thank you for this video

What is the next step in the case of appointing a POA if it is too late for the individual to appoint one themself? I am based in Australia.

I have a Medical and Financial POA for my parents who both have dementia, but what do I do if they don’t want my help or to do what I think is in their best interest? For example, I think they need to move in with me or into a long term care facility, but they won’t do it. So now what? If they won’t comply, do I have the legal right to override what they want?