Distance Yourself From THESE Kind of People | Mel Robbins 

Many people who are toxic know exactly what they are doing. When you try to explain it to them they turn it around on you in my experience.

One cure for not caring what other people think is getting older. I used to worry about that when I was younger but now I'm like kick rocks if you don't like it lol. Its so liberating! 😊

A real friend is like a clover; it’s hard to find , but lucky to have….

We should not be impulsive in these situations. However, sometimes you just have to distance yourself from people who are draining.

If you do it, be prepared to be accused of having mental health issues. My toxic person is telling everyone that I have Bipolar Disorder. Because I’ve become brave and am finally doing what I want to do and apologize for absolutely nothing!!!

It's really difficulty when your parents, siblings, spouse are toxic. It's like an optimist trying to survive with pessimists.

It is not always safe to have discussions with someone before leaving. At least alone with them. Sometimes people have so much toxicity they are able to gaslight you back into the relationship. Sometimes we have to set strong boundaries around ourselves in order to survive. When your life and health are challenged and /or endangered inside the relationship, sometimes you need to take drastic action like leaving all of a sudden. Because you know if you have a discussion first, you're going to leave still being embedded in the relationship.

Hi Mel ,, I recently had to unfriend someone who I knew since high school,, we had a great friendship for many years but were removed from each other through distance,, she reached out to me a while back and we connected,, right away I felt exausted and anxious around her ,, her lifestyle didn’t mesh with mine ,, I decided to just let that go ,, I’m much happier with my own circle,,,

That's why starting TODAY, I am hanging out with you, Mel Robbins A LOT!!!

This may sound weird but I got a bit emotional, when you had the distractions, because you're so authentic, so real and it shows you're just like one of use, like me and shows you're passionate about what you do and I am here for it. I have been learning to remove toxic and abusive people from my life. The first person to go was the, I don't use my, because that's a belonging statement, and he is NOT my problem to deal with anymore. I left him after 32 years of Narcissistic abuse. I've since removed two ex friends from my life for their disrespect towards me. I am not having it anymore and it starts with me. Only I have control of my life and who I have in it.

Once had a coworker who would ask for help then blow up at me for explaining the work process she wanted help with. Accused me of being a know it all, with some profanity thrown in. By then she'd cultivated a close friendship with our boss, who witnessed this and did nothing. I felt I had no choice but to put up with her horrible behavior and I actually daydreamed of throwing her against the wall and choking her. No one knew this. Was actually relieved when I was laid off.

Life saving and time saving advice! Mel Robbins is a gift to this world. Thank you so much!

I will ghost frenemies who act like “friends”, toxic work colleagues and toxic relatives real quick coz in many cases they know what they are doing and hurt you intentionally. Why must I act like a clown 🤡 not to look toxic? Some people really need to be ghosted/cut/dropped whatever you want to call it.😏 Only explain yourself to people whose intentions are clear, people make mistakes but assess that person’s character. Imagine going to a narcissist to explain how they are making you feel only for that narcissist to feel superior because they now know they control how you feel and get so much excitement from that and gaslight you… be discerning and not put yourself in compromising situations, not everyone is safe to express yourself to, you will only make yourself a target.

When you’ve had the conversations & the apologies & nothing has changed, ghosting is perfectly fine. I ghosted a close friend after numerous instances of her being horrible. It took her 6 years to notice! It was the right decision.

I think you’ve got to pick your battles. I tried to tell three friends how i felt and got no where. It was all about them and their selfish behaviour, hypocrites. I could no longer deal with the disloyalty, and disrespect. The drama and their toxicity. It was starting to affect my health, in the end for my own mental health and peace of mind I’ve cut two friends off and distanced myself from another who I would now treat as an acquaintance. I have not fought with anyone just quietly walked away.

I am ready to do this! I am going to continue to watch her and learn!!! Good vibes and good life only

I love your videos. Unfortunately the toxic person in my life is my only child. My son. It’s been very hard for 25 years. Now I hv a grandson that I love dearly. I have worked on myself. I have changed my behavior because I have no control over him. He thinks he knows everything constantly trying to talk at me to tell me things I don’t understand about him. It’s a delicate dance. Thank goodness now I go down and Snowbird in Florida and I’m completely away from him for four months a year. I believe there’s some mental illness definitely narcissistic behavior. I’ve studied that here on RU-vid for a couple years. Thank you for all of your input. Happy for you for your success. Keep up the great work.

The problem is if I truly avoided everyone who was toxic I'd have to move to a deserted island and live off fish, fruit, and rainwater because they're literally everywhere you go. Every workplace, every grocery store, every hospital, every neighborhood, every school, and even in most families and friend groups. So I think a lot of times we need to just learn how to deal with and live among toxic people because let's be practical at a certain point it's really not always very realistic to avoid or cut contact with every person who shows you deceit, contempt, and disrespect. I feel like some life coaches act like there's just one expendable inconsequential toxic person just dangling your orbit like a useless disposable electron that once dropped will change the atom's overall charge and turn it into a completely different and much happier element in the periodic table or some bullsh*t. When really you're wading through an endless swamp of trash and someone is chirping at you to throw away some of the trash floating by you in the cesspool and meditate as if that's supposed to make you feel better when your up to your elbows in scum that stretches for miles in every direction and it's getting very dark outside to top it all off.

I love the interruption, the real life candid moment, it is beautiful. And I love listening to you speak, thank you Mel for this amazing video. You are such a blessing to millions of people !

Blocked the negative and had the absolute best thanksgiving and Christmas was very peaceful

I’ve recently started really applying empathy during my healing journey, and I’ll describe it as “giving them space behind them for their backstory. For their trauma” and it basically melts away any judgement I may be holding against them.

DETECTING PATTERNS is KEY for those of us in recovery from past harming patterns. WE need to key into the specific phrases that continue to give us an un-easy gut reaction. TIPS: 1. Make an inventory of these statements. 2. Make it mandatory to combat this with WORDS TO YOURSELF that are accurate and kind. 3. Create and recite an affirmation each morning, specific to you, detailing you deserve happiness. BEST PRACTICES and WISHES to us ALL!

All your videos are beyond brilliant and so helpful!! The amount of knowledge and helpful advice you give and share with us make me so grateful for you, your youtube channel and your books. Well done Mel and thank you so much again for all your wisdom you share with us. It doesn’t go unnoticed! Thank you!

I would love for you to teach all of us negative people how to stop being negative Mel! You tell all those positive people to get rid of us out their lives but not what we should do to become a better human being! None of us want to be negative but something happened to us as kids that made us that way! It makes me so sad and I feel so hurt when those positive people walk away from me. Please Mel, we need a second chance in life!

Thanks Mel for cheering me on and spreading positive energy and habits. You are awesome in making sense of so much. One of my goals is to Meet you some day. Be blessed

On spot timing Mel! Going through much of this right now.

I have this issue with my housemate, my empathy allows them to remain in their crankiness - thank you for reminding me THIS is Their Issue. I am distancing myself and have stopped asking "How they are doing?" since they ALWAYS choose toxicity....ALWAYS traffic, bad drivers, and printer Ink to change.

So glad you uploaded a video like this because I have been struggling with this issue for a while now and I’ve been very perplex about what decision is correct and isn’t thank you so much! You’re the best

Thank you for sharing and for simplifying the information she share for those of us who need it to be broke down into a way we can understand what your teaching..

Thank you much for talking about these topics.

Unless they're really toxic like a narcissist or a psychopath, in that case you should run for the hills!

Thank you for all your information videos. I spend each morning putting out inspirational funny extreme types of videos and I love what you have to say. So I actually spent most of the evening listening to several of your videos it's a great reminder for myself as well to help others. I have my masters in life LOL and I'm just doing my best to pay it forward. I've taken myself out of a narcissistic relationship by the way that video part one and part two were fabulous! I'm totally in control of my life now. When I found out what it was I researched and learned all I could on the subject I spent hours researching. I have been at peace for years now. But still learning still healing but I find joy in doing what I do.

I had to ghost certain people because when I spoke to them and asked them to stop what they were doing that were annoying and disrespecting me they didn't so unfriended them and then ignored their messages but that was after year's

It's perfectly fine and valid to try to understand and have compassion for someone who is toxic for as long as they're prepared and willing to take responsibility for their behaviour. Reaching out to someone who keeps being verbally and emotionally abusive and manipulative is not healthy at all.

I'm anxious about the holidays too because there are toxic people in my family and my husband's. However, I'm very surprised by how well I handle these people year after year--I give short answers and ignore them as much as possible. Whew! So I need to not worry because I've already proven to myself that I can handle these people.

WOW, you touched a lot of very imperative topics. Thank you, Mel🤗👍🖐️🚀

I love this lady ❤️. I just recently started watching her! Love the content! I'm a subscriber. 👍

Mel you're great. Helpful and uplifting 🤗💞

This is eye opening. Transformative!!!

I ADORE the snow globe analogy! Mel, you are BRILLIANT!!!✨ Thank you so much!

Thanks Mel for all that wonderful advice given. This is exactly what I have started doing in my life now and I have seen how effective it is. God bless you always for coming up with these videos. 🙏🙏🙏👍👍👍

Yo Mel. Your the type of person that I know we would be friends growing up. Your madd funny and you keep it real. I feel we’re sisters from another mother. 😅Thank you!!!!!!

There's some aspects of your advice that I don't agree with, but I guess we could apply what is relevant for us and discard the rest. Having spent over 10 years giving to a friendship that was definitely toxic, I've learnt to put quite some distance between them and myself. I choose not to cut myself off entirely, but I'm very selective about how and when I have to see them or speak to them. I should have done this sooner. This is my way of setting boundaries and protecting my sanity😊

Man covert narcs the absolute worst block and go no contact ❤🎉

I learn SO much from you! Thank you!

Love this Mel Thank you x

Yes hang out with people who cheer for you, who are positive that are appreciative and not passive aggressive

Thank you Mrs Mel Robinson. This information was very helpful..

Love love this Video.. thank you🙏

Thank you for this!

Precious young man and great snow globe visual...

Yes i try to avoid toxic people..thank u for ur beautiful guidance..Godbless

Tysm Mel! Ily ❤

I had the same relationship with my mother. We were very different but we were a lot a like also. We both had a hard time relating to each other.

I loved the interuption 🤭 Nice speech also, as always🙏 You're very pleasant to listen to 😊

Thank you so much for such excellent Podcast.

Wow! Mel you too had the mom and daughter struggle! Mine is a narcissist so thanks for letting me see that even with a ‘normal’ mom, there can be issues!!

Thanks for the information on family

Sometimes we can't know what's going on with people. I thought a friend was just being cold. Turned out he had very early Alzheimer's. There was no immediate lesson except a reminder to reach out. Other times you can tell there's more going on and all you can do is either reach out or give it time. But that would be something you might not want to ignore. And sometimes another person is traumatized but they can't share it as such. If you decide they've simply become a drag and you want to get rid of their "negativity," then you really are not a friend, and also not a very caring person. Age and the passage of time (and events like Covid on those less young) can take a toll.

Great talk. Although I got burnt out giving everyone the benefit of the doubt with the endless empathy stream. Now I’m just okay being confronting if people expect to just keep things civil. Also, where is the material that helps people be more accountable for their actions that do impact others. A person can’t just go around (for example: talking peoples ear off and never reciprocating the listening ear) and then do the force field thing because people are impatient with them or at their limit but the person doesn’t listen. The people who are sometimes the least self-aware are ones that trigger others and then look for validation that everyone else is toxic and they are the victim when they are the ones triggering people. Like for instance, is it only in the workspace that you receive certain feedback? You also receive it at home and from strangers? Hmmmmm… I like the last part where you asked the person if THEY are making their family members feel seen and heard and supported. My sister always came to me with issues she was having with guys and people at work. At some point. I said, “What about our relationship? I’m here. How come you aren’t concerned with making sure I’m supported or heard? Why aren’t you concerned with the quality of our relationship?”

💯 True… couldn’t agree less.

This video was so good for me to hear today. Thank you Mel ❤️💪🏼

You are extremely helpful. Don't take the bait, and manipulation is what I am working on people using on me. People see how caring I am and that makes me a target.

Love that about the snow globe !! Going to do it thank you

❤❤❤ Mel, I’d love to use this as a teaching tool - RESOURCE. I understand these concepts, your wisdom resonates honorably with me. I am practicing your ideas often, though I often feel slow in my progress. As a resource, You articulate beautifully the potency of keen Self-Awareness without adding JABS towards self and others into the mix. Thank you for your candor and inspiration! 🎸🌟💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 - Renee

I'm helping someone with these very issues. I have shared this information. It will be just what they need.

You are awesome❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Sometimes the "why" is about us!For example, there is no reciprocity on our end i.e. we are not compassionate, available etc and this person is begging us to confront ourselves. This can show up as "annoyance"

Absolutely fabulous...❤ as always i feel refreshed

THANK YOU!!!!!! I f-ing love you Mel!

This was actually very good advice. Thank you because it’s very logical and not acting emotionally.

Spot on advice. Much appreciated visual!

Thank you for sharing this information ☘️☘️☘️☘️🐎. This will help so many of us to set boundaries with people in different environments, and how to find solutions.

Snow globe visualization I LUV it!

you are allowed to say NO and not be around toxic people, even if the toxic person is family. It is never personal, it is all about behaviour. If you don’t want this kind behaviour in your life, then choose this and follow up on that.

Preaching to my soul!!!!

Excellent information 👍🏻

Thank you so much Mel Robbins ! I needed to hear this you are so inspiring and uplifting 🥰

Thank you🎉

I am on Face Book again but I have taken on NO friends or family on there, not even my husband is on the page , I do look at pages but they are for my enjoyment not for any other reason at all. I divorced my family and none of us miss each other, NO GUILT. Parents are dead, sibs are toxic and I am FREE finally. Hot Damn, Here I am.... force fields are so very appropriate for me, More Speed Scotty......

It's really been a difficult journey for me having a narcissist parent who lives around the corner and is elderly. I think the lesson I have learned is NEVER be that kind of PERSON.

It’s always good to try to walk in someone else’s shoes just to see how they feel. But then, you need to look into yourself and see how to help and protect yourself. It can be hard to protect yourself but without empathy you aren’t doing yourself any favors either. You will feel guilty. But if you need to leave and you understand deeply why and do it right you wont have any regrets.

Great message 👍 👏🏻

Coming to the realisation that I have too many snowglobes in my life. Bring on summer 😎

Thanks for the wonderful advice. Love the snow globe analogy .

Their stuff stays with them snow globe example is fantastic ❤

Good advice Mel! However when someone’s verbally abusive or consistently disrespectful…and an energy vampire! I’m not sure they deserve a conversation. Time is precious and someone 40 and up should be more self aware!

I love the snow globe analogy!

I love this example! It’s kind of saying not my circus not my monkey.

Love you Mel but I disagree with not ignoring toxic family/friends. Sometimes it's necessary when someone won't listen and is being an asshole. It's on them. Ignoring is sometimes the mature response especially when they won't listen. There's different levels of toxic but in my case it's the only way to protect myself from certain family members who take no accountability and have no self awareness. I actually resent you saying it's cowardly. Bullies are cowards, not people who try to protect themselves. Ignoring is drastic yes but sometimes the only way a person can heal from abuse. It's called no contact and that's a personal choice depending on the level of abuse.

Hi. I"ve enjoyed your videos, Mel. It's perfectly ok that you had a few problems about 30 minutes before the end of the video. For example when a delivery person came by to drop off your lunch, that's perfectly fine that he came by at a time you didn't expect. No need to feel embarrassed, it just means you're human for not managing your schedule better. Not a problem at all. Just wanted to say I really appreciated this video and your advice in it. I will keep the advice in mind. Thank you!

Your information is top notch! I have a sister 11 &1/2 years younger. She did not come to my mother's funeral because she was so mad at me for not taking her to the hospital instead of having hospice for 2 days. It's been almost 8 yrs since my mom passed. This sister hasn't spoken to me as she has held a different view. I have sent birthday wishes on Facebook or text. Always a one sentence reply. I'm going to Idaho to visit. Do I just pretend that she didn't call the police and tried to get other siblings to charge me with "elder abuse" or do I try to clear that up. I feel in my heart, I did take good care of my mom. I don't want to pretend I was wrong. I have a sister who lives in the country next to door I'm trembling a lot to see her. She's very strong willed. What's the best way to approach her? Is it the empathy you talked about that I need to lead out with love and understanding and regret we haven't been sisters for years? Thx

The snow globe is a great analogy....

Oh my gosh Mel, this is so helpful. Ive had some mean negative people in my life and some even invite me to dinebout and just show attitude or indifference while I try to keep it from beingcawkward. This and mire that Ive dealtvwith. Thank you so much.n❤❤❤

I have a "friend" that is frequently condescending and gets angry with me in almost every conversation. The more we hang out, the worse she treats me. I do care for her but I've determined it's best to only see her at church or group events as one-on-one has become almost abusive. Some people make being a close friend too painful so it's best to just let them be.

You definitely saved my happy life from constantly encountering toxic ppl

Will Smith advising on how to avoid toxic ppl is rich.

If it's family sometimes, they have been toxic as long as you can remember. I will ghost them before I disrespect them. No matter what we all choose who to be everyday. And they are making that choice. Leave them and understand your part in being an enabler. Pray that they find their way.

Facts.

I started a new job, went to lunch with a coworker a few times. I found I didn’t like her energy. One she talks allllllll the time. She started showing up at my desk to talk 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣. The last straw was she sent me a pic of pet on Friday night after 10:30pm. I never 👎🏾 responded to her text. It’s been two months when I see her I say hello and have a great day. Sometimes you have to cut people off. I’m tired of attracting energy vampires.