I'm a full time single father - I love hearing a woman say that dad's do matter and that they can be great parents - You dont often hear it. Awesome video.
David, from someone who did not have a great dad while growing up, let me also say: Dads TOTALLY matter. Every kid needs their dad. Every kid needs their dad to love them and have their back. It makes a huge difference in that kid's life and shapes them. Kids who have dads that aren't great have a rough time. Kids who have dads that are supportive and actually love their kids, have it so much easier. Life isn't easy for anyone, but it's a whole lot easier when you KNOW your dad will be there for you.
My parents divorced when I was just 5 years old - I was an only child - and was extremely close to both of them. As a 36 year old wife and mother of two - I sit here today with complete 20/20 hindsight of it all - and can truly say that my parents divorce literally had absolutely very little to absolutely no adverse effects on me, not on my childhood, my adult life - and it didn't disrupt the relationships that I had with either of them. I was incredibly blessed with parents who were capable of being exceptionally mature. If they fought, bickered or argued - it was never done in front of me, I never saw any animosity between them - when they decided to divorce, they hired and shared the same Attorney to handle their divorce proceedings, amicably ... After the divorce was final - each of my parents got an apartment of their own, but - in the SAME complex! Since I had a room at both places - I could walk to who ever's house I wanted to stay at that night. What I loved the most - is the way that they always had the upmost of respect for one another - they always had each others backs in all of the parenting decisions that they made on their own or together. Even though they were divorced, we still did things together all the time, just the three of us as the family we always had been. Their divorce didn't stop our Sunday dinners - camping trips, and bike rides in the park on the weekends... I have had friends who weren't as lucky as I was - I have personally seen the deplorable effects that can happen to the kids who have had to suffer and survive through their parents nasty and vulgarly bitter divorce. Divorce can certainly evoke all sorts of bitter animosity - however - when divorce becomes a recourse for reckless revenge - it can blind even the best of parents from seeing how they aren't putting the wellbeing of their kids before their own disdainful anger... Mayim Bialik's kiddos - are one day going to realize the exceptional gift their parents are giving to them by the way they handled their divorce, and not only will they be utterly grateful - but they have a beautiful example (if God forbid) - they too have to end marriages of their own.... Thank you for this video Mayim - You have set such an exquisite example as to how and WHY this should be done...
Kelley Broussard Mackaig you are very lucky! Every relationship is different and ever divorce is different... I thought I was fortunate because even though my parents divorced when I was seven and still fight and bicker in front of me they were able to start a friendship when I was in my twenties. My dad has been married three times now and his last wife showed what a good divorce can look like and helped him change his ways and restore a friendship with my mother. I too am an only child and now as an adult I get to have christmas, thanksgiving, even Easter dinners with both of my parents when I'm in the country and I am grateful for that. Last year both of them came all the way out to Asia to visit me together which is something I never would have imagined possible in my teens. Just saying even if maybe someone's divorce wasn't as amicable at the start and it takes awhile to figure things out... As long as everyone's still around its never too late to try and restore a sense of family.
That makes me wonder - when I hear these wonderful stories of "successful" divorces, why did they then divorce, if ok with all these additional continuous efforts for a lifetime e.g. Live in same complex etc, why not stay in and continue married?
Because many people cant live together , politics religion ,lack of sex, bad habits, messiness ETC ETC , many people get married at 18 ,19 ,20, and its rare that it works out, so for the sake of the child its better to have a functional divorced mom and dad then a fighting mom and dad..
Beautiful words. If you loved a man enough once to make life with him, you should certainly be able to respect him (and your children) enough to be able to co-parent. Your kids are very lucky that you have this attitude, great video Mayim! Thanks for sharing!
As the little girl who had to carry her suitcase one block up the street to meet her daddy's car when it was time to visit him, I have to say BRAVO for the commitment both of you have made to your children. All those bad examples you mentioned, I experienced as a child of divorce. Did my parents love me? Yes, most definitely. Did their total hatred of each other make it impossible to put my needs first, yes. Part of the problem is that there are no classes you can take to learn how to be successfully divorced. I thank you for this wonderful lesson. Not only is life better for your children, it is also better for the divorced couple and all your extended families. Happy holidays! I just discovered your channel and was happy to subscribe!
I agree, but I also believe that parents should respond to their children's questions and comments honestly, and not make excuses for the other parent's behavior.
Mayim you were truly outstanding here. But far more importantly your kindness and respect for your former husband came through loudly and that is a great blessing to your sons!
I didn't know this about you (obviously). I have been in your shoes. It was 28 years ago. He has since passed away I wasn't quite as gracious as you are. I was angry. I was devastated. I was hurt. I slowly got over the negative feelings, and became more like what you are talking about. In looking back at my situation, your advice is spot on. I hope everyone who sees this will take your advice, and put the well-being of tbeir children first. I love you, and I love BBT. I have watched you since Blossom. I am so impressed by your talent and your determination to become a PhD. You are truly one in a million. Keep up the great work!
i have been divorced for 12 years with 2 daughters. We did holidays, birthday ect together. Even after we entered new relationships we continued to do holidays together. Our girls are grown now & have thanked us for doing this. My ex husband was a poor husband but he was and is an amazing dad. Do what makes your children better people. Cheers to you
yes but that is not reality. this is just one person vlogging. most people don't want anything to do with the other after divorce. THAT is reality. not a vlog.
Actually you are wrong - I am one of the minority I guess, where I put my child first have done since I split with my partner when I was 12wks pregnant. Always been about making sure my daughter has a relationship with her father, his parents and family and mine also. Tables have turnt in the past couple of years when she went to live with him and we entered a legal battle for custody involving court and lawyers, and I no longer see my daughter, I went a year infact without seeing her..... and stil I fight for equal rights, I could ask for full custody but I want shared as that is what is best for her...to have us equally in her life, to see us both, to see both sides of her family. End of the day you wouldnt have your children if it wasnt for the other parent. And in life its always about the children....
By Way Of Deception um, i once dated a medical doctor (not one of those bullshit PhDs who call themselves "doctor") and the lady was very rich. $500k a year in salary as she was a specialist. anyhow, she had a kid with a poor guy. she was collecting $36 in child support every month. as soon as i heard that, i ran the fuck out of her life.
That's what my ex does, from centrelink when he is earning 100 of thousands dollars oh and he borrowed $5grand from our son - our son will never see that $ again
I totally agree with everything your saying. My parents separated when I was 15 and divorced a year later. I have so much respect for my mum she did not once trash talk my dad.( we lived with mum)
I'm a child of divorced parents, and I've just had my first daughter. She's three months old. My greatest fear is that my daughter ends up experiencing the great anxiety and profound displacement that I experienced when my world fell apart. Two loving homes may be better than one dysfunctional one, but the feeling of security a child gets from a single intact loving home cannot be understated. I would urge new parents that, after the chaos and adjustment of the newborn phase, to refocus on *your* needs (sleep, sex, non-baby related interests, friends) and on your relationship. This isn't just date nights- it needs to be an every day effort to remind yourselves why you fell in love in the first place. Yes, you're a parent, but that's not all you are. When the parents are well rested, happy and in love, the child will reap a lifetime of benefits. It's not selfish to reclaim your time with your spouse from the baby; it's an essential element to create a home in which the baby can grow and thrive. Balance within the family unit, above all else, is vital to sustaining an intact family home. If you focus all your energy on the child, the relationship will wither on the vine, and that's not good for anyone- especially the child.
We have a beautiful 6 month old girl. We have grown very distant over the past few months. I tried to explain exactly this to my wife, and she called me selfish. Now we are having big trouble between us, very sad. I am going to show her your comment, and I am sure she will not react well, but o well....
See? This is the kind of judgemental path that this video carves. This video could have at least had a disclaimer about being proud of people who distances themselves from abusivo relationships, which leaving an abusive relationship is actually 7 times harder than leaving a healthy one.
@@CatholicIcing I think there's a difference between partners who should not continue to cohabitation and situations of abuse. If a partner is toxic to their ex partner in a live-in scenario, but is kind and amicable when I comes to discussing and parenting the children, then there's some wiggle room for being a "mature adult" in less than ideal circumstances. If a partner is toxic and abusive to both their ex partner and kids, then get the hell away!!! But if it's possible to do this type of thing because BOTH parties are mature and care about their kids, then okay. I do feel a little deflated like you as this video does not address abusive situations which are far more common than I ever wanted to think they were.
I dont believe in bigger govt BUT... Mayim should be named head of a new department Secretary of Families😄 What a novelty. Do whats best for the kids. Thanks for posting. Healing the nation through the family.
3:47 - helped me in a totally different matter. Here i was drinking and crying and felling really sad in Brazil and decided to watch a video - any video, just for distraction, and BOOM... that is what i needed to hear. THANK U so much. Isn't somehow marvelous how a video made years ago by some stranger in another country is just what you need to hear? I'm shocked. I know she will NEVER read this, but still, WOW.
Mayim is one rare jewel! Cannot agree more with her comments. Her children are so lucky to have such a thoughtful, considerate and loving mother. May you only know mazel for your entire life...
"Divorce isn't the end of a family." Wise words! I would have much rather avoided a divorce, but I am proud to be able to work together with my ex for the sake of our kids. No matter how our relationship changed, we are still a united front for our children.
This is more evidence of something I’ve been saying for a long time: “once you have children divorce is a fiction.” Because in many ways you are de facto still married. But you have altered my thoughts on that saying. It should be: “if you care about your children and their development and their mental health, once you have children divorce is a fiction. “ Well done, you are an outstanding person.
This is so true. I worked with my ex when my son was growing up. Just because your getting divorced doesn't mean you don't have responsibilities anymore. It takes both parents to raise a child properly. Great video Mayim.
ISOHaven I thought the same things. In an ideal world both parents are raising their children but lots of single parents, grandparents etc have taken on a solo role and done great jobs!
As the child of divorced parents, this is probably the best thing I've seen about divorce ever. I spent most of my childhood having my mother trash my father and try to erase him from our life once she got another boyfriend. My father exposing me to way too many of his negative emotions over my mother. While clearly the marriage didn't work, you both sound like amazing parents who don't hate each other and actually put your kids first. Thumbs up Mayim!
I admire that you put your children first. So many people forget how deeply divorce can effect their children. I got divorced after 23 years of marriage and it was so very hard & we did not have children together but I do have a grown stepson. My ex has since died but my stepson & I are still close and I am very grateful for that. Thank you for sharing
“We get to make the most of what we have, and in some cases, we get to make the most of what we have left. That’s what families do.” Profound. Thank you. My parents divorced when I was 9, and a lot of hell followed. I’m 39 now and these words, and this video, mean a lot to me. Thank you, Mayim - Always 🧡🙏😌✌️
Yes, I think Mayor's ideas about are right on point. My parents would argue and yell at each other while I would be in the same room. Sometimes adults, or at least those who we think are adults, act so much like children
I just wiki-ed her and found out she's 41?!?!? Damn, I wish I would look as good as her when I'm 41 too. Eloquent, classy, beautiful, and humble. Just too fine.
She's a neuroscientist. She graduated from UCLA in 2007 with a PhD in neuroscience. I wonder how much money and fame played a role in her decision to divorce. The actors on "The Big Bang theory" are the highest paid on TV, with some earning $1 million per episode. PER EPISODE. It's hard to say no to that. I bet her desire to continue on with the show caused her divorce. Speculation, of course.
She has a doctorate ! Not only a lovely lady but incredibly intelligent and of course a gifted actress ! So much talent...and a warm, gentle & loving nature to boot ! This world needs more people like Mayim !!
Melissa Ng I'm 40 loved her on blossom and adore her in these videos. Refreshing to hear positivity instead of the daily chore of listening to negativity.
I've been raising my 3 kids alone for 6 years, and took care of my dad up until his passing, for 5 years. Not an easy task, but hugely rewarding. Glad you are able to coparent. I wish that was an option in my case.
This! I really like how you and your ex-husband are parenting. What a great example of creating the best situation you can with what can be a very, very difficult change for a family. Brava!❤️
You only get one shot at life. I wish so badly that my husband and his ex could get along better for the sake of their daughter but as a step-mom I can only do so much other than support my step-daughter and my husband. I enjoy the good times and prepare myself for the bad times.
Vanessa Campa I feel you. My husband lost the right to see his children because of his ex and her issues but the eldest is getting to the age were he can come and find them again and they just can't seem to set aside the differences for a little while to figure out what to do when he comes looking. Yes, it's her fault they were taken but they got a much better life with amazing people because of it, instead of two young idiots who didn't really love each other that were just together because he did the right thing when he knocked her up. It's hard being the one stuck in the middle who can't do right for doing wrong. Say too much and "It's not your business, they aren't your kids." say too little and it's "Aren't you going to say something, they're you're step kids." Stuck between a rock and a hard place as the step mother.
Cece Cheung yep. I stepped up once and was told that I don't get to make decisions for a child that isn't mine. Ok I get it. You expect me to love and care for your child as if they were my own? No problem I do love my step-daughter but don't tell me it's not my place either. So hard. Since then I've just kept my mouth shut and my feelings to myself.
Vanessa Campa It's the hardest part. You love them and want what's best, like you would your own child but you're expected to keep out of important decisions. It's such hard work. I get more chances because I'm a stepchild myself, I understand how they feel. It's usually the ex telling me to butt out. Frustrating.
Well that is true. That is not your children, and if you get divorced yourself one day well you'll be gone. You may end up having your own kid... There will be a new step mum but the mum and the dad will still be there, they will always be there.
HereDianna No one will be there if the parents can't grow the heck up and set aside their differences for the sake of their child. People get all caught up in the fact the other person hurt them and forget that kids are not weapons, they are your responsibility, you brought them into this world.
What you describe is just beautiful. I wish all divorced couples would have this attitude. It takes both of you, just as in the marriage. Unfortunately, my ex decided to disappear, just not be a part of our daughter life even after I tracked him down (2 years later). One visit then he was gone again. I did not talk bad about him to my then 10 yo daughter but I never lied to her either. Looking back, I think it was better for daughter he left. His influence was not good, still isn't now that daughter is in her 30s. I pray you will continue to have a great relationship.
My parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember. Although they are divorced, they never talked bad about each other to my sister and I. Whenever my dad wanted to spend time with us, she let him. My stepfathers would be ok if he spent the holidays with us, even after we grew up and out of the house. My grandparents still considered him their son-in-law. They were still friends until the day they died (a month apart). So I have been blessed and your boys are too. God bless you and your family.
I couldn't agree with you more. My parents divorced when I was 8 years old and I can remember my daddy talking so badly about my mother, but my mother never said anything negative about him! She knew eventually we would figure things out for ourselves, in our own time, as we got older. I'm now 47 and I still remember this! Take the high road no matter how you feel about your ex. Saying bad things about your ex-husband/wife only makes your kid(s) feel badly about themselves (they are a part of each of you) and it makes them feel bad in general. I loved this video. Happy Holidays and blessings to all in 2017!!
So true! I'm not divorced, but a mom of 2 special needs children. I have also reached beyond the "what I pictured" and "what could have been" and count my blessings as I experience the many small joys and victories in each day.
Love seeing the personal side of you! Thanks for sharing part of your life with us. Sounds like you and your ex are doing a wonderful parenting together. My ex seems to think that when we ended our marriage, he ceased to be a father. Unfortunately, he has done that to all children from all his relationships. True definition of a deadbeat.
Ariel-Sara Gerowitz I think you probably meant "it does confuse them more", but I don't agree with you. I know a lot of children that are divorce children - and me and my sister are as well. Since our parents have split up, we still celebrated Christmas (and other festivities) together and never have we thought about them getting back together...
Ariel-Sara Gerowitz not true you don’t act romantic you act like a family you show your children that you can be friends with someone even if you’re not having sex. I don’t know what fucked up shit you’ve been through but you don’t give your kids false hope you give them reality
annette fournier Agreed---- divorce is not awesome! That's her story. You will not end up with someone who is supportive. She is lying. The kids statistically will be flawed based on the failing parent.
Clark county Nevada I wouldn't say that Mayim is lying because kids end up messed up by divorce in majority of cases. She is simply saying this is what works for her and her ex and that's what they do do give their kids the best chance to grow up and not be messed up by this. I agree with you that life isn't perfect and of course you will find very few people who can still share parental responsibilities so well after divorce but she had stressed this is how they do it to make it work for them. My best friend went through divorce recently and she can't trust her ex to look after their daughter and not bad mouth her. But at least she tried to give him an oportunity to still be a decent dad instead of just denying him any parental visits like most women do. Yes it wasn't pretty - He thought best way to make himself look better in child 's eyes was by trying to push the blame for the family falling apart on someone other than himself (even though he is the one who abandoned his family in the first place without any consideration of how will they get food and essential bills covered)... Some people can be civil with eachother and cooperate to get what's best for their kids whilst others are selfish douchebags and sadly that's just life, but it doesn't mean you have to assume that in every case you will have to deal with petty ex as some actually put kids first and stand up to the challenge.
I appreciate your honesty and your love of a family unit! I’m proud that’s it’s not a bad mouthing or never see the other spouse again. I love the level of respect both of y’all are showing to your kids!
My ex walked out on us, and went from woman to woman, I hated him, but our kids were priority, and i was also determined that they had both parents, and had as normal of a childhood as We could give them. Now our sons are 27 and 25. The eldest has two majors in college, a relationship, and a successful job, and my youngest is a manager of a restaurant and wants to move up to own his own his own restaurant someday and has a relationship. I'm not bragging on me because I can promise you I didn't do everything right, but when we put our sons first and Coparented, it eased our sons stress and gave them the freedom to relax and to worry about kid things, and now men things. I agree with her message 100%.
my mom and dad are divorced. I agree with trashtalking. Ive pretty much cut my dad out of my life because he constantly trash talks my mom. I lost all respect for him. Trust me kids will catch on to that stuff. My mom never trash talks him. i actually have respect for her because of that.
Probably your mom was really that bad of a partner. Idk your situation but what you see in your parents' relationship is different than what they actually feel individually about their own. Your father needs healing rather.
I love you so much, Mayim. You’re a true inspiration - i love stumbling across your videos and when you’re featured on panels. You better work!! THANKS FOR SHARING
What a wonderfully positive statement. Good for all of you. Life is hard enough, love is all we have to keep us going and to pass along to our children. I have three sons, married for 42 yrs. I hope that our love has taught them through our lives together enough for the future. May God bless.
I also have been divorced for 3.5 yrs, with two children. This is spot on. With the help of some very good therapist my x and I managed to do the exact same thing. It is truly the only way to handle it. Thank you for sharing!
And again, unless u find out too late that u r married to a psychopath, and your main concern is getting yourself and your kids out of there before he kills u. And this fear goes on for the rest of your life, and your kids'.
Yet again, you are so great! My husband is a divorce child, but his mom and dad did what you seem to be doing, and he turned out to be a wonderful father and a real family man. Hats off to women like you!
Thank you! Currently going through a divorce and so many people have questioned my desire to have a healthy effective coparenting relationship. “How is this different than when you were married?!” Is thrown around a lot. Kids don’t need to suffer because adults can’t get their shit together.
It only hurts the kids when parents can't work together. Unfortunately, not something my ex or his family understands. We have found that having a clear plan helps so there isn't much need for interpretation. Good luck to you on your co-parenting journey!
you talked about a painful, personal subject, from your heart and you were respectful at all times, you did more than ok Mayim... love your outlook on life..... stay strong
This is the best video. I love when she says childhood isn't a dress rehearsal and they have 1 chance to be children. I've been thinking about divorce for awhile and it really made me just chill and be in the moment
I'm so glad to see another set of parents embodying what my ex and I have always believed and lived for our kids. Our kids are grown and in college now and they're both well adjusted, thriving and happy. Bravo!
I'm 41& 7/8. Of course, I grew up watching you in everything you did which remains true to this day. You're just that good! That being said, this video is different. The honesty and realness in the videos you make is evident- always. However, this video shows much more than that. You're pain is there- all over your face, but so is your joy. That, madam, is why you are so respected. That is why you are so loved!
Thank you for making something that touches on this topic. My parents divorced when I was six years old, it has been over ten years now and my families still can't the sight of each other. I am still facing the repercussions of the event today due to it being such a messy divorce, I was stuck in the middle of it all. People need to remember if you do get divorced and if you do have kids, they come first and they shoudn't be forced to choose between parents like I was. Again thank you for shedding some much needed light on this topic.
Smart lady! I wish my brother and his ex would follow this advice. It's a shame for the rest of the family because we just want to see their daughter and continue being a family. Their personal breakup shouldn't tear grandmothers from granddaughters, aunts from nieces.
This is really admirable. My sons father and I aren't together but he stays with his dad on weekends and we try to be civil and respectful in front of our son, especially when it comes to parent teacher meetings and things like that. It's really tough but we want Noah to have the most normal childhood possible given the circumstances.
I watch this every time I feel like I am flailing in life; even though I am neither divorced nor married, this still helps me step back, and look at the situation in a different way, so thank you, Mayim ❤
Awesome 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 This is the mature way to go about things, instead of letting your emotions and anger towards your ex sabotage your children's happiness.
You and your ex-husband are amazing. My parents did their best to always be kind to each other in front of me and my brother. They grew to be better friends as I became an adult. When my father was ill in the hospital and it was time to let him go, I called my mother to sit with him because I couldn't release him. She was the last one to hold his hand and say I love you even though they had been divorced for many years. I am eternally grateful for the compassion they always showed towards each other.
I just started watching your channel and I'm so glad I did! Your children are blessed to have you as their mom. Too many divorced couples focus on their own feelings and how wrong and hurtful the other spouse was and the children get neglected in many ways especially emotionally. It's even worse when they're made to feel like they have to choose a side. They need the unconditional love from both parents to get them through the very stressful and emotional journey brought on by divorce. Thank you for sharing this!
My husband was married and divorced long before I met him and he has two fabulous daughters from that and we have a son together. He just said, "That's really good advice, except I'm assuming she wasn't married to a psycopath."
It really does depend on the dedication of both parents. Ideally, both parents are mature enough to put their kids over their own feelings (And this also assumes that one of the parents isn't emotionally or physically abusive!). My husband's ex was horrible when their daughter was little, and it's been a long road ... but she's gotten the therapy she needed, and is actually "normal" and actually quite nice now. And now, we have a great relationship between our two families. And yes, I highly recommend the book "How to Co-Parent With a Jerk". Also, "Divorce Poison" by Dr. Richard Warshak, and "Co-Parenting With a Toxic Ex" by Dr. Amy Baker and Paul R Fine.
Shelly Rourke Yes! My ex husband is a horrible human being who was abusive. We’re forced to share our child, but he continues to be a huge asshole and display psychotic behavior toward me. I CANNOT do all of this stuff with him. The advice to love them and be around them is great, but it’s just not possible. I LOVE my son, I HATE his father.
I wish my ex-wife and myself would have done this with me. It's awesome that you two can look over the issues for the kids sake. I admire both of you for doing this for the kids and both families as a whole. It's just great.
Your words touched me to tears. This is very honest and mature way of looking on relationships. There is a saying that goes: "The divorce reflects the marriage." If people truly respected eachother while being married they will most probably continue this way after divorce calms down, especially if there are kids. If not, it will only escalade the problems that already existed. In my opinion couples usually don't do everything they can to save their marriage. Sometimes the best thing they can do is to get a divorce, hovever it's often giving up too soon. Valuable thoughts, thank you.
I always say I was given eyes in the front of my head so I can look forward not backward. You did a great job. My nephew was worried his dad was going to divorce him. He was 3. I told him you can't un pick family. They are yours for life.
You hit the nail on the head. I too am divorced and when I was married lived in NYC, but I now live in Massachusetts. W e have a son who is now 24 years old. We do pretty much the things you describe, and when we're together we do have our neg moments but quickly get back on track. We love our son very much and our son loves us, this is how we raised him to be. Unconditional love is more important and stronger than any other emotion, it covers a multitude of transgressions.
Your best video yet I believe. Thank you so much for sharing. I have never been married, or had a serious long relationship for that matter. But your talking about being present and not worrying about what could have been is really something I, and many people, need to be reminded of.
Tears...Thanks for your honesty and humbleness. So few people live in harmony with their faith... I am grateful for your congruency, saying things the way they are and taking responsability. Great example.
I am late in seeing this, but I am not in the least bit surprised at how well you've explained how & why you'be chosen to "walk out" your divorce. I assume it cannot be easy and requires continual sacrifice, but that's exactly what a parent has to do, relationships status aside. You have such an amazing perspective on life and your words are powerful. Divorce becomes traumatic to children when the adults put themselves before the needs of their children or expect them to shoulder responsibilities and step into roles they were never intended to fulfill. They are not equipped to handle their parents' relationship struggles when they can barely handle their friend at school not sitting next to them at lunch! I love your wisdom and applaud your voice in this subject, as I have in so many other areas. Thank you for speaking publicly about your private life & hope that others will be encouraged to truly seek out what is best for their CHILDREN. Chag Sameach!
Your level of thought and how you communicate it is so beyond so much of the junk being made available to impressionable (and even mature) minds. I really appreciate you. Thank you.
Great video. And a very mature way of handling a bad situation. I wasn't as mature. When my non-Jewish wife informed me that if we had children and then divorced, I would NEVER see those children again. That was the end of our marriage. I haven't seen or spoken to her in over 25 years. And i don't regret it at all. Certainly not as mature as Mayim, but it's working for me. Shalom Mayim.
Thank you for sharing this. So many people need to see this. My family has a similar dynamic, and i would say its the best thing i could have hoped for. My parents are happier this way and they dont fight. I dont think it matters as much to kids to have their parents be together as much as it matters to feel like family will always be there. My parents love each other, in a different way. If my mom has a problem, my dad is the first person i would think of to help. Because ive seen them support each other. And i hear people say how its impossible. That my parents split must have been amicable and they probably still want to be together. And none of that is true. They spent years without speaking and that was so draining to me, having to decide where to go, who to go with. Im so thankful we evolved into this. Sadly it happened over illness, but it was a blessing in disguise as it brought us all together. As more and more children face divorced parents we need to make people understand it isn't the end of a family, just the end of a marriage.
If you have an opinion, share it. Because I cant find your comments. I realize every family is a different story. However if both parents want to stay in their children's lives they are going to have to be the ones who compromise for the well being of the kids. And having lived both ends of it, this is the healthiest way. and I do believe that if both parts try hard enough it's possible despite circumstances. Kids arent to blame for whatever might've caused a marriage to fail.
This is my thing pasted for you - then why bother getting divorced if you think your still obligated to be a part of his and his families lives? yea that's all howdy doody for your life more power to you, but when you have been in an abusive relationship and one parent walked away from being a parent then decides a year and half later oh he/she wants to be a part of their lives now, there is going to be some friction. I will say I still share my kids with my ex mother in law but do I feel obligated to her, no not really I just realize it benefits the kids to see there grandparent, and now their other parent has decided to have another partner (which is great) and THAT makes this person want to be part of the kids lives it has taken a LONG Road to trust this person with the kids again (to some respects) and allow him/her into their lives but it makes the kids happy that things are somewhat working out, So whatever benefits them. but a black and white you should be part of the ex's family and the ex's lives still is not always the answer. And I think people who act like it is are quite naive and full of themselves to be judging everyone else. As I say the fact that it works for you - that's great. But not everyone. oh and some ppl rather than putting an ex down to the children might just be being honest about why that parent no longer comes around or let them down.
You are the one saying it benefits the kids. Im not saying its easy. In SOME cases you might not think its possible, but it is the healthiest thing. Forgiveness isn't easy, its healthy. Of course it's not going to be easy. Its a long process where you need to figure out how it works out best for you. But it's not about YOU trusting your ex. It's about your kids relationship with their parent. If your ex decides to leave and then come back 1, 10 years later, its up to them to decide if they want them in their lives, without receiving any kind of opinion or guilt trip from you. and if they do then as a parent you need to suck it up and understand this person is a part of your family and you will be seeing them at birthdays and maybe even holidays. If you are both civil, with time it'll become easier. If your ex continues to disappoint your kids, your job is to be there for them, not prevent them from having contact or "trusting them again". This isnt judging, this is saying HONESTLY I wish everyone knew it's possible to have a family feel like a whole one with divorced parents. I dont have extended family, if I had to have Christmas with only one parent, it would only be 3 people. I have my parents, and I need them both equally. I shouldn't have to decide between them no matter who did what. And I wish more parents would put in the effort, as it really pays off. Or else, my dad or mum would have missed and ruined many memories simply because they cant stand one another.
It is about weather or not I trust him with the kids when he was physically abusive, I'm sorry but I don't understand what you can't get about that, I must make sure my kids are safe, and myself too. My ex and I are finally getting to a stage where we are getting along well enough to share the kids for the KIDS sake of coarse, but that is largely in part to his girlfriend smoothing things over and sometimes havin conversations with me INSTEAD of my ex speakin to me. He does not know how to be civil or diplomatic sometimes. But these days we work it out in the end. However I don't feel very safe around him and I WILL not be having xmas' etc with him in that way. Why should I have to feel unsafe or uncomfortable because other people feel it is best for the kids ... no I draw the line. There was a time when he was always a drinking and not using car seats for the kids etc so I had to put my foot down for their safety you can say lets get along like besties for the kids sake but not when in fact it is UNSAFE for them. Because it isn't about what he wants or what I want, it isn't even about what the kids want if they are in an unsafe situation it is safety first. Then what the kids want and need. then what the parents want last. That is how it should be. Not to say I disagree with alot you have said on the contrary I do agree with probably much of it. But to say weather or not I trust him doesnt' come into it, I'm sorry but it absolutely does because if he is goin to be drunk and violent (at the time) they aren't going simple as that. And there is nothing selfish about putting their safety first over being buddies.
Your words have moved me. My husband and I are currently going through couple’s therapy trying to decide if divorce might be the right choice. I appreciate the big picture you laid out about the children. The children have been my biggest worry. Thank you for your insight.
Immensely helpful, Mayim. Thank you for choosing to share a little about your story. There is life after divorce. It takes time, and it takes effort. Well done.
Ann M Yup. Never betray a good heart. divorce is not awesome! That's her story. Most will not end up with someone who is supportive. She is lying. The kids statistically will be flawed based on the failing parent.
Clark county Nevada What exactly is your problem? If your marriage was anything like the way you so immaturely respond to this topic, I understand why he left. Happy New Year!
Mimi Freda Happy new year Mimi. Why would you assume I am a female? Women think it'll be all sunshine and rainbows and unicorns after divorce. Look at yourself in the mirror- I am a single male. My comment was for Ann. Since you decided to share your thoughts with me, I'll retort- Just answer me this-do you really expect to have a relationship with your ex spouse's -brother, sisters, parents, nieces and nephews after you broke your husband's heart? The woman in this videos husband obviously did not set boundaries. Her ex-husband was probably a pushover. Culture has a lot to do with that. If and when you find your perfect partner Mimi. Then he betrays you. I'm confident that you will sever all ties with his entire bloodline. I really do wish you the best. Be better, don't be a cat lady.
Clark county Nevada that's a perspective, but if the adult grow apart that's their responsibility. Why should the children have to carry the emotional baggage? They are going along life's journey and then they are blindsided with a divorce and forced to hate one parent essentially 1/2 of themselve. I say grow up and work it out as far a the children are concerned even if the marriage falls apart for any reason. One person's broken heart is not license to ruin it for everyone's involved. Each of us are just trying to figure out this journey called life. Nevertheless to each his own.
Love your channel. You’re amazing. Thank you for sharing your life! Lots of love to you ❤️ PS you made me cry, but in a “I get her and respect her and appreciate her” kind of way. Thanks again.
I admire this kind of strength. I am going through the breakup of my marriage right now and it is immensely painful and most of the time I really want to just run as far as I can and never see that man again who hurt me so much. But we have a son, too and somehow I need to move beyond my own personal pain and show up as a mother. I know that. But I seriously admire your inner strength.
Jazzie Red Dude, you have lost the right to call people names the moment you wrecked that home and were arrogant enough to take their Christmas as well. Something severely wrong with you mate. Get it checked out I'd say. You're utterly disgusting from where I stand, imagine how you must look like to the mother of those innocent children. Imagine what you must look like to those innocent children. How tragic. How very, very sad.
Jazzie Red Yes, go back to wrecking their home further and comparing yourself to the woman who actually physically birthed those children like you actually mean something to anyone. We all know better, my dear. You're the only one that's stumbling around blind. People can see the truth, and honey, it ain't good.
Jazzie Red my 'drug abuse' ? xd Honey, at least I don't have to make up shit to throw at ya, your life is a mistake on its own. You've done nothing good, ever and should probably stop existing. 100% that would be better for that family.
vuelta sin retorno This is an amazing video. My parents did the exact opposite of everything you encouraged divorced parents to do. And unfortunately many of my patients whose parents are divorcing or more frequently, whose parents had divorced, had experiences similar to mine. Too often kids are left with no sense of volition or agency because either “the law” won’t permit it, or, one parent will feel very very hurt. Thank you for stating what I wish all (non-violent) divorcing parents should hear.
LOVE hearing you share this!! My former husband left me 32 years ago with 2 tiny babies. He left me for his current wife. It was not a mutual decision and as most do, I thought I would have a marriage that would last forever, I wanted her gone! It took 10-15 years for things to really begin to heal. He and I always parented well together but there was "her". About 10 years in it started to change and I attribute the change to my faith. She "her" is now one of my dearest friends, we form a unified front for our adult kids... for holidays, birthdays, moving parties, funerals, sometimes vacations, etc. The kids appreciate us so much for working at this! My in-laws are always going to be my family. Life gets messy!! It's just best to do it with love!
