Do the Unfaithful Get Away with it All?

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What about the unfaithful, do they just get away with it all? Today Samuel discusses and confronts the desire for revenge in the heart and mind of the betrayed.
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairrecovery.com/our-blog. He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.

Опубликовано:

11 авг 2015

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Комментарии : 224

@saundracohen4032 2 года назад

Your private moments of "humiliation" pale in comparison to the pain you willingly put your family through.

@Bobsutubes 3 года назад

As a betrayed spouse I can absolutely assure you wayward spouses your pain and humiliation pails in comparison to what we have to deal with. You got to have your thrill, fun, what ever, at our expense and the overall penalty is minimal at best to the damage inflicted to us.

@shellenesmith3348 2 года назад

I wholeheartedly agree!!!

@Jane-rc2rk Год назад

I completely agree. It takes years to get over the pain of betrayal. I’m not sure I ever will.

@anonmouse2809 Год назад

And I can absolutely disagree that some of us betrayers do in fact hurt to the point of ending once we realized what damage we did to the one we loved so much. I can’t roll back time to unpfukk what I did. Losing her due to my own shenanigans has made life worthless to me. I own this.

@sharisehay3927 Год назад

@@anonmouse2809 I'm sorry that you're in pain however, the pain a betrayed spouse feels is coupled with being completely blindsided and traumatised. The unfaithful are not blindsided

@delynwilliams5459 Год назад

@Anon Mouse I hope you heal. I know it hurts you too. It's the shock and questioning everything from day one, and even suddenly becoming paranoid about all Past relationships, plus insecurity issues that we weren't good enough .... that's the additional pain. Shock... that's the big one. We never knew until we did and you knew the whole time. That's incomparable. I hope you see a therapist. I wish you well

@blazerprophet 2 года назад

To me it's like the criminal/victim relationship. It isn't the criminal that suffers as they get away with maybe a few bumps and bruises and then they move on. The victim carries the physical and emotional scars for life.

@kayec4096 3 года назад

True. Forgiveness frees us. It takes away power from the affair, his actions/choices and impact. The unfaithful don’t just jeopardize losing their partner, family, life before. They lose their integrity. They compromise their character.

@Speakssoftly12 3 месяца назад

Yes, and THEY did that to THEMSELVES!!!!

@queenofwater8783 4 года назад

Wayward spouses suffer? Only when their affair partner does the same thing to them.

@dailyambientandsoothingmus687 Год назад

Exactly

@Ash.Crow.Goddess 3 месяца назад

Right? I have wished that I could do it back. A million times. But I just can't. I can barely even think about it. That's not who I am. At all. I could never do that to myself. And what's worse, I could still never even do it to him. And that pisses me off. I told him, I'm not here for your passwords on your social media. I am not going to be checking your phone. Again, that's not me. If you do it again, fine, but when you do get caught that will be the last time we speak as a couple ever again. (We have children together, so... yeah.)

@glendavis1266 3 месяца назад

Not so sure. An affair can be revenge for something else.

@kaipeterson 5 лет назад

But of course they get away with it all. They eat and have their cake. My wife cheated and I AM the one that HAS to forgive and play nice...sucks!!!!

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

i would disagree Kai. i'm sorry for the pain you're in. there is hope and there is healing for you. if she is unwilling to pursue healing and recovery, then sure, she may get away with it. IF she is serious about healing and restoration, there is a point of grief she will hit provided she gets the right help. it really depends on her heart to restore and heal or break free and give up. the fact is, she will suffer. she may never tell you about it though. the wounds that we feel upon ourselves due to our own choices are tough to process and even tougher to talk about.

@lucyfannn7863 5 лет назад

Kai Peterson I feel the same way aswell, Its unfair and it feels as if I am so stupid and humilitated for giving him another chance.. I feel that the only way he will suffer is if we divorced but not for reasons such as he will miss me but for the fact that he will miss living with our children full time and having to pay me child/spousal support. I will never be able to say I was my husband's one and only, but he is to me and I HATE IT. I have sacrificed my life for my children and my husband and I didnt get to live my life yet he took a year to go sleep around and live like a bachelor then he decided that once he was done and she dumped him for her ex boyfriend now he wants to come back and fix the marriage... I suffer EVERYDAY. Everyday I feel like I let him get away with this and everyone that knows judges me for being weak and dumb for letting someone back in that honestly was not at all worried about losing what he had.. I am humiliated, I have hatred and bitterness in my heart and I am genuinely depressed about this whole thing that I rather be alone.. I rather move far away and never let anyone close to me again..

@MegaBlueEyezz 5 лет назад

Yes. It sucks. Thats why I got a divorce.

@barbarariley3488 5 лет назад

I will tell you why you need to forgive. Because as long as you are bitter you are a prisoner and your ex wife is the jailor. Really forgiveness is more for your benefit than hers. When you forgive you are set.free to love again and be happy. My husband left me with.3 kids after 12 yrs of marriage. He had an affair with his secretary very original eh? . He lived the good life while I struggled to make ends meet. But I refused to become bitter and ugly. It took time but I forgave him the best I could with God's help. I ended remarrying a wonderful man who treated my kids like his own. Best of luck.

@sunshinepurple1043 5 лет назад

Kai it sure looks that way doesn't it. I can say it's taken 20+ years for God to get my exhubs attention. He's got nothing but time to prayerfully actual listen to God. After all these years I know God ca still save him. Is it fair? In our eyes, no. In God's eyes, yes. His ways are not our ways.

@thebeautycafewithdrnyorita 2 года назад

Betrayal is a pain like no other; it pains even more when your support system keeps pushing you ‘to move on’ from a union that suddenly broke apart. You never move on from it; you just move forward; you learn to trust a chosen few and lean on God or yourself if an atheist with the little emotional strength you have remaining.

@Jane-rc2rk Год назад

Yes I like that…not move on but move forward. It’s so very very hard.

@amontii617 10 месяцев назад

yes, move forward. I needed to hear this!

@ivannaalpizar8682 4 года назад

Yeah absolutely sufferring, and devastated until caught, before being caught everything was alright!

@okay__desi 2 года назад

Bingo. My exact words to my husband.

@ryanramsey404 4 года назад

All i can say is: do not stay with a person that has wronged you if you cannot forgive them. It is hard, but you will both be miserable if you can't do it.

@AL_FARID_23 4 года назад

Ryan Ramsey so true

@delynwilliams5459 Год назад

What does forgiveness look like to you?

@kunntakentay 4 месяца назад

@@delynwilliams5459when you see them or think about them you no longer associate them with their betrayal. Kinda like getting into a serious fight with a sibling or cousin when you were a kid but years later it’s totally wiped from your memory. Much more difficult to forgive infidelity of course. Imho it’s better and healthier to just move on asap ESPECIALLY if you’re still young and no kids are involved

@alex0000 2 года назад

Its been 15 years and i will never forgive, never!

@glendavis1266 3 месяца назад

Interesting. Is it that or the ego?

@DynamicOwl13 3 года назад

Sometimes it's hard to really believe that they don't get away without any consequences when they believe themselves that they always come out on top no matter what.

@marcellasoohoo3446 Год назад

Forgive. Yes. Move on. If you need to become independent, He should cover your college education and pay for day care if you have children.

@gregoryahl5117 Год назад

I recognize that I don't know everything about this situation, as I am still walking this out for 11 years. But, as the betrayed husband, what you call suffering and humiliation seems like a pretty good day to me. It just seems like the betrayed spouse pays a king's ransom for their faults while the merciless, life-destroying adulterer or adulteress gets just enough 'vengeance' from God to lovingly and tenderly make them sad enough to one day, maybe, say 'My bad, bro'.

@carlsaxon3385 9 месяцев назад

I think as betrayed husbands our pain is much different and much harder to work through… we are all alone

@JoshuaABrown1982 Месяц назад

I am a betrayed husband, and this fing sucks so bad. I am paying for my wrongs, but she got to have fun bc some guy was chasing her and her selfish caused some much destruction inside of me, it is sometimes unbearable

@jhn146A 5 лет назад

The one thing I have always remembered is that God is a loving Father. He will always hold us accountable for our actions. There is no escape from that. My wife will have to deal with that. I am thankful that Christ gave me His peace during my wife's infidelity . He never let me forget that I would be home with Him one day and what has happened here in this fallen world would matter no more.

@Webbgurl2000 5 лет назад

Tony Lynam yes, “if I had not seen God’s Faithfulness in the Land of the Living, I would have perished”is for me. I think the hardest thing is feeling like you’re a fool for staying. It’s like someone tried to beat you to death, you come out of the coma, and go home with them...I think that requires a self knowledge and forgiveness to stay. It most definitely requires a deep, soul searching, heart change for the Unfaithful witnessed by their daily actions to make this happen. For me, I know it will take a “Damascus Road” Experience to move past this and forgive. Everyone tells you to go on and they never tell you how.

@kristaritter5851 5 лет назад

I pray that I can get where you are one day, and feel Gods peace with me everyday.

@AL_FARID_23 4 года назад

Tony Lynam GOD BLESS YOU and your comment. VERY MUCH NEEDED!

@shueysmissus 5 лет назад

I am 18 months into recovering from betrayal and I have just discovered your videos. They have helped so much. At times the pain and hurt has taken me to some very dark and hopeless places but your videos bring hope. Thank you x

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

that's what it's all about. thank you so much for taking the time to watch and comment. gives me hope and encouragement for sure.

@efthimios 5 лет назад

Me too my wife has been having affair with a coworker and we are won verge of divorce and and we have. 12 year old girl

@ajgoose9286 5 лет назад

@@efthimios I am very sorry to hear that. After my husband of 21 years infidelity, we were going to divorce (he left me for her). After he went to counseling, our relationship is restored, even better than before. I know that it doesnt always work out that way, but I wish your family the best. I know the pain.

@LEM19284 4 года назад

I ditto the sentiments here. I’m 2+ years from D Day. Thank you for being here. Do you offer couples infidelity recovery counseling in the Atlanta area?

@ollie7193 5 лет назад

100% true no doubt what so ever ....I speak from experience dont ever doubt karma......and the eye of our creator...no one escapes ....I lost everything also most importantly my family ....I deserve and except my karma for being unfaithful...

@blueseptember2174 2 года назад

How are things now?

@adamcallaghan2135 4 года назад

The one that was unfaithful to me did get away it all. Literally.

@herbaliouscowboyparkett6045 5 лет назад

I'm so grateful to have stumbled upon this video and all the rest. Betrayed spouse here and I can without a doubt say that these videos are helping me in my recovery.

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

thank you for the kind words. so glad you're here and have found the videos.

@thenorthface4 Год назад

As a betrayed spouse, it’s extremely painful especially when my husband tells me his affair was worth it. I’m so full of anger and have cried almost every day. But I could see in his face that he feels remorse, hopefully in time he’ll be able to genuinely apologize for everything he put me through.

@shakirahstewart2593 Год назад

Damn he said that?

@blackaj69 Год назад

Wow what a horrible thing to say. I hope you are getting some professional help.

@dturner3886 11 месяцев назад

That's messed up.

@siz4sean 4 месяца назад

Don't count on a cheater suddenly growing remorse.

@kolivaboi4592 3 года назад

after being cheated on its funny how my gf wants the old me but is not doing anything to make me trust her again

@CHICKENLIFE336 7 месяцев назад

I hear ya on that one, what has happened for you in the last 3 years?

@joannthornton8584 3 года назад

They only suffer when their affair partner is taken away from then and their caught !!! Iam sorry what does any of these stories you tell have anything to do with your suffering or getting away with it.. they all ready got away with it and made your betrayed spouse look stupid while you did it.

@crcb4 3 месяца назад

As the betrayer. Although I am humiliated, terrified of the future, saddened because of my destruction, beat down from how much unforgiveness I have for myself....I know it's nothing compared to my husband's, pain, embarrassment, anxiety, destruction of his manlihood, destruction of his fatherhood, emotional torment, feelings of being unloved, unwanted, bad self esteem. The list goes. On. Although I I never slept with anyone. I still caused that much destruction. Oh how I wish I could go back in time. And deal with our issues with respect, understanding, honor, and sense of keeping my vows. Never go outside of your marriage for any reason. Even if you feel unloved, even if there are severe issues that need dealing with. It never makes anything better.

@macd6857 5 лет назад

Hey Samuel....Thank you for what you do. As a betrayed husband, of course I am humiliated and embarrassed. We are six months post D-day...the worst day of my life. It doesn’t feel as though she has lost anything. I cannot imagine what the two of you have been through, publicly. It is devastating but we have kept this to ourselves mostly. So obviously it seems as though her life, career, friendships etc have not been affected at all.

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

hi Mac. thanks for the kind words and empathy. we really do appreciate it. i know you're in pain and struggling, but you'll get through it to the other side. i hope you're able to find help and support for what you're going through.....

@glendavis1266 3 месяца назад

Maybe…..

@equisader Год назад

As i said to my husband, you ran me down, left me for dead and then blamed me for denting the car. That was 8 years ago. Things might go back for the betrayer but for me at least it will never be the same.

@spindriftbeach6082 2 года назад

Sorry but they do get away with it. They didn't care about their spouse when they started cheating and don't care about their spouse when their caught. No they only care about being caught and that's why their upset. Why would someone who is so callous as to cheat really care about the harm they've done to their spouse?. They don't. They feel sorry for themselves for getting caught. It's Narcissistic me, me, me BS

@arpansaha8769 7 месяцев назад

Trust me they don't! Each and every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Karma is a real thing and universe will surely make him pay for his deeds! Nothing goes unnoticed dear. Just trust the process and focus on your healing. You living a life happy, will be the biggest slap for the unfaithful!

@krockcock5316 3 года назад

The unfaithfull doesn t care and gets away with it. They stay with the wife. He hurts 2 woman for his own inability to choose for a life he realy wants and is happy with

@MaRiAm936 3 года назад

And the worst feeling ever when you as a child who doesn't understand what's going on between your parents,to ask them something you need and the mother is so upset and devastated that she said(from now on you are not my responsibility, go to your dad. I wish I didn't have kids with him) and go to the father who said( stay away from me,go to your mother).I was kid back then and till today(I am 35) I am not healed from that trauma

@Steveness100 5 лет назад

Thank you so much for this video. I cried like a baby all the way through and it was exactly what I needed at this difficult time in my life. I admire your courage in the way you spoke and I just can’t thank you enough for these words. 🙏

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

encourages me so much to hear those thoughts my friend. thank you for sharing such kind words with me and the team behind all this.

@tiakuhl1321 4 месяца назад

Will somebody point me in the direction of healing after 13 years of denial and gaslighting, and eventual breadcrumb disclosure? He says he was mortified and ashamed, continually denied and told me I was crazy and insecure and jealous. I’m not sure where the resources are to process the years of lies. the denial and Multi layered coverups (including other friends in his lie) and rage I received when asking over the years has hurt me so much more than the fling did.

@victoryiswon2858 5 лет назад

It appears that way.. I’m heartbroken and he’s still lying about being with her... I have to give up my home in order to have a future for myself. He will never change

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

i'm very sorry Vic.

@tns147sexy8 4 года назад

Whatever. Yes, they do get away with everything, and win. And they're always happy. My exes hurt me, and are living happy and comfortably. God doesn't punish the wicked. Whatever. I'm just a worthless, traumatized casualty. 😔

@AffairrecoveryLLC 4 года назад

Hello, please reach out to our team at info@hope-now.com if you would like one of our intake advisers to suggest additional resources.

@christinewarren8134 4 года назад

Hey there. You are not alone. Trust. But God is a faithful God and he tells is "avengeance is mine" so you just wait sister. You focus on you and heal. ❤

@LilKimster2005 7 лет назад

Amazing! Thank you for your genuine honesty, empathy, and commitment to all of us! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

@samshealingpodcast 7 лет назад

you're so kind Kimberly. thank you for your encouragement.

@CallMyDoula 4 года назад

I just found your videos and they’re already helping me a lot. I’m 4 months post D-day. My husband and I are seeking therapy and working on our marriage and the healing process is going as well as it can but it’s still a daily struggle. One of the hardest things for me is that I don’t have any close friends that I can talk to about this so when you talked about asking him to be your friend, I can relate. I started crying as I listened because that’s where I’m at. I find myself wanting to beg someone to be my friend cause this is such a lonely place to be. Thank you for sharing! It’s comforting to know I’m not alone in the struggle.

@AP-ew6kj 3 года назад

You are not alone. Many of us have been there. Like the vudeo..seek the Lord and he will be there and take your hurt. Believe and have faith in Him always.

@tslavens3092 Год назад

So sorry ❤ prayers for you.

@minniezurbano879 2 года назад

Hi Sam! I just want to say that I appreciate you a lot, Wayne and Rick! 💞 I wish I didn't have to find myself needing all your talks. But i certainly am so grateful to find you all! Your end note just confirmed in me that forgiveness and mercy can help me find the greatest freedom that shall help me heal, my husband and our marriage. May your channel be able to reach more betrayed spouses who are probably struggling to this point. Affair Recovery's contents are, for me, what spouses need to hear and be able to heal from. God bless you all! 💞

@ronaldstark8342 6 лет назад

I think the biggest consequence was the knowledge of the affair by family and the kids. My spouse has to deal with that.

@robinpiccard886 4 года назад

You're absolutely right. Kids get hurt badly

@vanessarenae5169 2 года назад

I feel like he still thinks what he did is kinda of okay.

@Rihn-ty7np 3 года назад

Thank God i was able to watched this. Recently i discovered my husband’s infidelty and we are on long distance. And i did not confront him about it that i knew already. What i’m planning is to get revenge. But after watching this video made me realized how God will work on it. That God will not let this pass. 😢

@samshealingpodcast 3 года назад

i'm so glad. thank you for posting this comment. encourages me so much. i'm sorry for the pain you're in, but you're going to get through this. revenge only makes everything worse.

@lindasimyu6414 3 года назад

Vengeance belongs to the Lord, trust the word of God, obey and follow it, you will never regret and you will always be happy in your life. Forgive and ask God for healing, he will deal with your case.

@saramendoza544 3 года назад

I've never wanted revenge, just honestly and he wont give it to me. I cant fix him. He wont help himself and I'm more heartbroken!

@landbarron1420 3 месяца назад

My wife cheated and will say nothing. No honesty at all. NOTHING. She wants me to forgive and I don't even know what I'm forgiving. I found out about it after 2.5 years............... I'm broken..

@camig8536 5 лет назад

You know I wasn't even that interested in this video because on some level I think I've always known that you don't get away with it but I had auto play on and this played. For whatever reason the story of asking for a friend and the grace he showed excepting, made me cry like a baby. I've said it before but the honesty that everyone one has shown here from Rick, Stephanie, Samantha yourself, the couples and the commentators is incredible. For the first time in many years I really believe I'm on the right path for true healing. Thank you all, I really do appreciate this community!

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

i'm so glad you're here my friend. honored to be a friend and provide hope for you. i'm sorry it's such a hard journey.

@sunshinepurple1043 5 лет назад

I wish this channel had been around when my exhub abandoned me and our two little girls. Having said that life HAS come around to him. He has so many health issues it's a wonder he's still alive. He's beginning to grasp the consequences of his actions. After 20+ years it hasn't gotten easier but I made the choice to forgive him early on. That's one decision I don't regret. I keep praying for his salvation.

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

courageous of you Tracy.

@sunshinepurple1043 5 лет назад

@@samshealingpodcast Not really but thank you.

@blueseptember2174 2 года назад

Do you think he regrets now? And are you okay with how things ended up since you are better off? I wonder if I'll ever get to that .

@ProudlyAfrican 4 года назад

How do you forgive an unrepentant cheater

@samshealingpodcast 4 года назад

forgiveness is for you. they don't sound safe to reconcile with so forgiveness is really about helping you heal. there are a ton of articles at affair recovery.com on forgiveness that will help you immensely.

@AmericanWithTheTruth 5 лет назад

I find it really hard to forgive someone when they are still living in sin at this moment and still increasing the pain against you and your family by their actions.

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

it's very tough....it's always tough . but forgiveness is for you, not them. it sets you free.....slowly but surely and forgiveness is always a process with this type of trauma and hurt.

@christinewarren8134 4 года назад

I get where you are coming from. I am currently co parenting my 2 year old....yes 2 year old with my ex who moved on with his mistress and had a baby with her. Now I send my baby over to their house to "play family"

@liapagan3134 4 года назад

Christine Warren sad 😢

@chastain2825 2 года назад

I wish that I could cheat on my husband and let him catch me so that he could feel what he’s done to me . Unfortunately I love my children too much and would never put them through that . But I wish I had it in me to that . Just to see his heart crush before my eyes the way he’s watched mine . And justify why it’s his fault that I did that . Just like he said to me

@girl472003 5 лет назад

I just discovered these videos I’m a year from D day and it still feels fresh I have so much anger I took him back but I never forgave him I can’t stop thinking how he really betrayed me I lash out on him a lot

@pemmylewis2861 4 года назад

Samuel, thank you. Great what you do

@PJHEATERMAN Год назад

My wife didn't pay a very big price for her infidelity. Really just a transitional period back into the marriage, home and being a mother again. She lacks empathy and is emotionally vapid. A very smart woman but is lacking as a human being. She just pretended that it never happened and i did all the heavy lifting. My marriage and my feelings for my wife are forever altered and at least she squirms a little all these years later when i make a little quip about her character.

@Sitzenleben 10 месяцев назад

Why do you stay?

@barbarak.2565 4 года назад

My ex was a serial cheater for 23 years and finally left me for his last mistress. He got away with it every time and never suffered any consequences. He left me three years ago for someone else and is happy and has everything he ever wanted.

@okay__desi 2 года назад

So sorry you had to go through that for that long only to end up what feels like losing.

@marceldelrosario 8 месяцев назад

❤

@gracejoel8484 5 лет назад

I have watched your blogs for 6 months now.I always forward them to my husband to listen to on his way to work.I have to admit that the pain is still so raw for me.I will listen and just pray that I will hear words that take away even a small amount of the pain.I worry because it has been 6 months already and it hurts so badly!! I had never thought that he had regret, even though he tells me that all of the time. This blog really helped me.Thank you for all of the time & honesty that you put in every blog. I just have to ask though, should the pain be letting up by this point?I cry constantly and just still cant believe he would do this to me and our family. God bless you!!

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

hi Grace. thanks for the kind words and for watching so often. encourages me big time. i feel a part of your life and that's a big deal. thank you for the encouragement as well. 6 months isn't a huge amount of time, howevr, what help have you received? have you done any recovery work? seen anyone professionally? courses etc? that will help me pinpoint some things for you.

@radhikamishra2373 5 лет назад

Ii was cheated on 28years back .I thought I could heal and forget as my husband promised to move on.But frankly the wound is still raw and I always feel as though someone is putting a knife inside me whenever I think about it.I don't know how to heal myself.

@camman6912 6 лет назад

Thank you for your video I to had people abandon me after my divorce I do have one wonderful friend who has been there for me

@psh167ify 3 года назад

One of the best videos to help me heal. Thank you. Please keep doing the work God called you to do

@ljjunzkinz979 3 года назад

I believe in God. That is very comforting reminder. Thank you.

@greglmna7578 5 лет назад

Hi Samuel, you litterally saved me from mental instability for the last 5 months. Thank you for that. Listening from someone on the other side helped me standing up. I would be very interested in your thoughts on "Hit & Run" for both sides. No disclosure has been done yet, ambivalence is there and I don't see any ressources anymore to believe in hope as I have been lately. Thank you and your story with Samantha, bless her, is very inspiring.

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

very kind words Greg. thank you for the encouragement and for posting. can you elaborate a bit more about your situation and i'll see what resources i can send you? happy to do all I can for you.

@camman6912 6 лет назад

I forgive my ex but it's been hard She basically destroyed my life I lost my home and my dogs She took all the furniture and bought a home in another state Now I'm living with my mom after my dad passed away She still asks me for money for her car as I agreed to give her 20 payments because when we bought the car I agreed to make the payments She still wants more from me I'm starting to think she's evil

@AmericanWithTheTruth 5 лет назад

Don Dressel dude... I know exactly what you’re going through. I lost everything. Even when I tried to reconcile she was seeing another man while my daughter was fighting for her life in a children’s hospital getting chemo. She refused to go to marriage counseling and give it a fair try. I gave her everything in life for 25 years and she took everything from me. She has destroyed my entire life.

@barbarak.2565 4 года назад

I'm so sorry to hear this.

@barbarak.2565 4 года назад

@@AmericanWithTheTruth I'm so sorry you are going through this.

@suhsanuk1399 4 года назад

Forgiveness is for YOU not for anyone else. You will forgive when you're ready and it can take a long time. Don't let anyone taint your heart. Forgive and get rid of resentment or jealousy. You'll be glad that you did.

@MrJrine77 4 года назад

@@AmericanWithTheTruth I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. I am not one to comment in the comment section but your story really pulled at my heart. I hope you are doing well sir

@sethbarby3891 5 лет назад

This is where I'm at. I'm exhausted by the regret I'm hauling around. I wish I could have a mistake free day. I want to be a comfort but I'm often just the thorn. I don't know how to help. I know I can't force it or actually be any help if it isn't wanted but I'm constantly feeling like I can instantly make it worse. I just want to fix it, for a single second.

@drummerjstone 4 года назад

I'm sorry for your pain. I'm so tired of messing things up too. Any update? Please pray for me and my wife.

@TheLakers242010 3 года назад

My husband one day has never been in misery he cares about no one but hisself. We are no longer together and we don’t even speak. He wants to take legal action because i refuse to take down his pictures of me and him on social media.

@carnivoreRon Год назад

You haven't blocked him? Why not?

@MrTrevorjc1 6 лет назад

This blog turned my recovery around. I realize now as a betrayed what i am supposed to do Thank you

@samshealingpodcast 6 лет назад

such great news. thank you for sharing that. take it one day at a time.

@RaneetaFailua15 6 лет назад

agreed with you trevor it has helped me too.

@niccivictorious5594 5 лет назад

Amazing

@alicewathen8446 Год назад

I was unfaithful two years ago now. I think about what I did every single day and feel so much shame and regret about it. Definitely the worst failure and embarrassment of my life. But I learned from it and want to live the rest of my life being a good, honest person. I will never make that mistake again for as long as I live.

@peaceout5191 5 лет назад

**let's say they did GET AWAY WITH IT..it won't be well to long** It's NOT OUR JOB to PUNISH even those who DID WOUND US UNFAIRLY LET'S SAY. I'D LEAVE THAT TO "WHAT YOU SEND OUT, YOU RECEIVE IN RETURN" that's how it works in this LIFETIME!! 😉

@ak-47intelligence75 5 лет назад

You only get what you give.

@biscuitham695 5 лет назад

My boyfriend confessed on cheating on me, he said that it was a drunken mistake. He stopped as soon as he realized that they kissed and told her that he has a girlfriend whom he loves very much. I know him, and he has been very loyal to me untill that night.. but with this incident it just gives me so much of confusion. He literally is crying and asking for my forgiveness, I do love him but I don't know what to do anymore..

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

i would get help for the three recoveries that need to be addressed my friend: 1. yours, 2. his and 3. the potential recovery of the relationship. it may be too early to decide anything, but getting help, working through the repair work will help restore peace and clarity and THEN you can make some decisions about what you want to do.

@biscuitham695 5 лет назад

@@samshealingpodcast thank you for your advice.. I really needed some advice that would get me though.. my mind has been all over the place and confused...

@roroo Год назад

how are you guys now

@annewalker9221 6 лет назад

Amen. Wow. Y'All are angels praise the lord!!! Thank y'all. Many prayers and blessings to you !

@samshealingpodcast 6 лет назад

thanks so much anne. so glad you're here.

@Confessions089 Год назад

It doesn't matter. Forgive and move forward.

@reneejones2627 3 года назад

What about when the partners family enables the cheating. 😠 moving a person into a family members home claiming its a co worker who lost housing. When in reality its your partners mistress whom they work with. Everyone seems to be enjoying life in that situation

@monicaingram5028 4 года назад

I sometimes wonder if my spouse is able to even be honest about it. I keep thinking if he loves me he will tell the truth. How do you speak about is known between both of us but he won't admit it. I don't know why it's so important to me.

@susanhaines3153 4 года назад

I am more angry now than ever before.......i am glad there is a God who judges. I even want to say I know there is a meeting at the judgement seat. This is not over but by the Grace of God there go I.

@mimie.2690 5 лет назад

If the cheating spouse doesn't want to discuss the infidelity, how do you get past that?

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

unfortunately, you have to usually draw boundaries, enforce them and demand they do recovery work. here are two helpful articles: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change

@tkaki6029 4 года назад

It sure feels like it

@user-rc2xs5ti2w 5 дней назад

I think they simply get away. They have the innate ethics as part of themselves and the natural high vibration that it brings.

@TrophyHunterTyler 8 месяцев назад

This video was auper helpful. I learned i am emotionally flooding her and i havent forgiven her yet i thought i did. I dont know if after 8yrs and 3 affairs that i can forgive

@watitduful 2 года назад

I agree with the forgiveness piece but here’s an equally important question… Can the unfaithful still be repentant even if the betrayed didn’t forgive them? If a person is truly sorry then it wouldn’t be contingent on whether the betrayed forgives them.

@buffuniballer Год назад

I think the real question is can the betrayed forgive if the unfaithfully will not repent or even ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness is a two part process. It has to be offered AND the offender has to acknowledge the hurt they inflicted, without excuse and ask for forgivness. It's the Biblical model Christ OFFERS forgiveness. The sinner has free will to accept or not. The forgiveness is complete when the sinner recognizes their sin and accepts the forgiveness offered.

@estherstrickland866 5 лет назад

I have listened to many of these videos... my heart is so broken... i love my husband.. he cheated on me with an ex. He got her pregnant. They hid it from me. Once the child was born dna test was confirmed it was his child. 2 weeks prior to that child being born i miscarried. I am so broken . I am trying with everything in me to move forward but hes angry i just dont get over it and leave it in the past. When we were living together he was living a double life. He wanted her and wanted me. He lusted her but i was the "better optiin" becUse i was a good mother to his children which i was raising as my own. Im dying i side day by day

@angelawilson8797 5 лет назад

My husband spent a decade in Facebook resentment stalking his ex. I found out through Facebook history. This decade is when my daughter was 8 to 18. We became Grandparents in this decade. I bought my husband a motorcycle and a camper and cooked and cleaned loved him and believed in him totally for this decade. I now know his betrayal behavior took 30 years of my life and it's all been deciet

@jaschadaniels9688 4 года назад

Esther Strickland You will get through this. Your blessing is on the way.

@ivannaalpizar8682 4 года назад

esther strickland I am so sorry for your situation.

@libertymethod3281 4 года назад

Sounds he has more to lose then you do

@christinegleason5791 2 года назад

Yes they do!

@aasthajain4423 4 года назад

When my long term partner told me about him cheating on me on my bday I still gave him time to make sense of things On his end..I had been going for therapy and I suggested he do too..finally one day we had a fight where he said he was too tired to talk about issues,that I’m not making up my mind and that we should try and be normal and discuss our issues later.i broke off with him, telling him not to contact me again and I learned recently that he is back with that girl again.that girl is also cheating on her bf with him. He doesn’t know that i know about this and knowing this has only made things worse..I keep thinking why didn’t he choose me,why her, she is very pretty so that adds to my agony, our seven yr long relationship had ended with him cheating on me for 2 months apparently and then going back to her..I feel that while I’m trying to pick myself up he is out there having sex..I don’t know how to move on,,we were about to get married if it weren’t for all this..I wonder if he would ever realise how much he hurt me,how he just abandoned me..I don’t know what to do

@JoachimderZweite 5 лет назад

Once my long term girlfriend cheated on me and she told me. I was stunned but I forgave her and we were together two more years until I met someone really nice and I dumped my girlfriend without a moments hesitation. That was all decades ago and everyone except me is dead. Strange to say I now remember my girlfriend fondly and with love and I think and dream about her. I must have loved her more than I realized.

@blueseptember2174 2 года назад

How does this factor in to the topic? Not being rude, just curious.

@The8th1 7 лет назад

Thank you for answering a question that lingers on so many people's minds. I know I wasn't perfect either and I don't want her to hurt, but it all seems unjust at times. I worry most how this will affect our kids in the long run. What they see right now is immoral and confusing. AF partner is not yet divorced and living there. While I just stand aside and don't say much, looking like a chump. I'm confused as well, I don't want confrontation - because I wanted reconciliation for so long.

@samshealingpodcast 7 лет назад

confrontation doesn't mean you void reconciliation efforts my friend. if you don't stand up for yourself, I'm not sure you'll see much change. this article may help you in terms of empowering yourself: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/healing-infidelity-alone someone has to change the dance that you're stuck in. there are things you can do, without having to have this demonstrative confrontation ya know? perhaps you need to empower yourself and take some of the power back and no longer continue in the cycle. here is another article that may help: www.affairrecovery.com/dealing-infidelity-how-get-your-mate-cooperate-without-being-controlling thanks so much for watching and commenting.

@The8th1 7 лет назад

Thank you. I've read both (a few times) and wish I'd known some of that info years ago. We have been divorced for 2 years and now there is a constant inability to communicate effectively. In the past, we both had the whole stable of horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness & stonewalling). I miss what we had, I need to heal and move on, but I'm stuck. If possible, I need resolution on dealing with these emotions- without her input.

@indym375 5 лет назад

Always 😒

@DynamiteKid1224 4 года назад

Thanks for sharing. I'm so blessed I found your video! My wife cheated on me. Her Coach at the gym stole my wife's heart & mind from me. They had an emotional affair. I need to get back to God for healing. I nearly wanted to end my life last June 2019. Again just want you to know that it's not easy to forgive. I need God's grace. I can forgive my wife but not coach. I'm still hurt up to now.

@secretsquirrel9601 4 года назад

You are going thru a time that will take you from one emotion to another, sometimes two or three different emotions in a couple minutes. It is normal for a man to want to shift blame to the guy. But the sooner you can see it was her choice the sooner you can see things clearly. He shouldn't have had anything to do with a married woman. But the burden to make the right choice was on her. Im not sure how long its been since your discovery. But you have to take the time to sort things out. As much time as you need. And you will have to accept that you will never be the same. I wish i would have taken the time to sort things and improved myself instead i blamed everyone and let ot feed my hatred. It gets easier with time but it never goes away. You either let it weigh you down or you learn to carry it. Short of faith in Jesus you will not be able to carry this.(carry it to the cross).

@blackknight1037 3 года назад

How are you doing bro?

@margaretwangeshi7054 4 года назад

Somebody help me. Am going thru a very painful moment. Am feeling totally used and dumped by my husband.

@samshealingpodcast 4 года назад

i'm sorry margaret. i know the pain is awful. do you have any other support around you or have you found help on our site?

@jackiline3147 4 года назад

My husband left 9 months ago moved out without warning from one day to the other no closure . 2 nights ago he send me a txt that he has met someone . The msg was so cold . For 9 months i prayed he would come back . What do i do now ? Leave him alone ? Keep waiting ?

@bethanyharrington1747 4 года назад

You grab onto God with all of your might!!! You pray for your husband. God’s promise... I will never leave you❤️ don’t ever forget that❤️

@Chinadoll698 4 года назад

Overcoming infidelity, This is very interesting video because I never an unfaithful spouse could feel shame and suffering on his or her end. I wonder if the one the unfaithful spouse cheats on you with and she knows he is married and she mocks the wife and lashes out at her love's wife does the homewrecker who is having an affair with your spouse will she ever reap what she sows or get away with and is she suffering in pain by being the other woman?

@majordanger8348 4 года назад

Yes they do she shows nothing just wants out like im the bad guy never cheated on her in the hole 15 years found out she was a Social Affair with a guy in England but now that I found out and she got cought she says she wants to be alone like really im the bad guy two Beautiful daughters and just leave after 15 years 🤦🏽‍♂️

@juliagoolia5604 4 года назад

What if your significant other is a narcissist and you're scared to leave?

@samshealingpodcast 4 года назад

it takes strategy. consulting an attorney....asking for close friends to support you and even protect you....consulting a therapist to help you draw up a recovery plan for yourself once you do leave. you'll need outside expert help and support as well as community.

@c.j.9248 5 лет назад

My wife was more remorseful to her friends about her emotional infidelity than she ever was to me. Three years after the affair was exposed and I still have e tremendous amount of anger and bitterness over this fact and why it has been so extremely hard to process forgiveness. I know in my head that I need to forgive, but I just can't get past her lack of trying to reconnect and make things right. What to do, what to do? She pretty much got.off scott free and got her cake and ate it too. Any advice for.a shattered heart that is nowhere near healed and feels like it keeps getting broken daily?

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

are you all still together? are you trying to recover and heal or ? it's normal to have the anger and bitterness. what help have you received?

@kaipeterson 5 лет назад

I hear you, brother!!!

@buffuniballer Год назад

Yes - they get paid to take care of your child. A woman can betray her faithful, not abusive nor addicted husband and still be the primary custodian of the children. So a betrayed spouse can also be made a visitor to his child as her affair has no bearing in a custody case. The only thing that matters is precedence. So if an unfaithful spouse is allowed to take the children from her betrayed husband, while perhaps not all, it's a pretty steep cost to someone whose worse marital sin was ignorance. I don't want vengeance. I don't wish any bad on my ex-wife. I would like an apology. I would like some sort of acknowledgement of the hurt her actions caused. I would like to see some real remorse. Perhaps that's selfish, I won't deny that. But it would also demonstrate she's a caring human being and not a sociopath who would just use someone and then escape. It really would improve my image of her post divorce. I am not holding my breath it would happen a generation later.

@georgettecross4149 5 лет назад

My husband was having an affair and he even cheated on the affair will he suffer.Do they feel Shame or do they see the hurt that they have caused in the person the betrayed?

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

in his situation, they often times keep running and keep acting out to hide from the shame and to stay in denial and distracted from owning what they've done or coming to grips with the impact of their choices.

@ZooomaCW 5 лет назад

Honesty: this story tore me to piecea but I'm not sure why. My wife left me 4 months ago, today actually. In the days before she cheated but claimed my heart wasn't hers anymore . . . that was her way of justifying it. She decided that rather than deal with flaws in me she'd rather find something new. She quit after promising she never would. I've asked her for at least one conversation but in 4 months she's said to just stop trying. She's moving on with her life already while I am BEYOND suffering, I'm broken and not sure how to live without my soulmate. Yes, we were and it's funny that she KNEW that yet now she's dismissing/ignoring that fact. So while I'm close to putting a rope around my neck to end this pain, she's getting away with it. Why would a life without joy and love be worth living? Get help, people say. Really?!?! Will any help I seek bring her back to me???????????? No.

@blueberry9737 5 лет назад

Chris Win , time is a great healer, please don't take your life. There are great things ahead coming your way in life. Please accept she's not your soul mate, it was all a mirage. She was married to you but lived single.The reality is you loved her deeply, but love has to be both ways. I pray to God to bless you with a soulmate who would love you unconditionally, someone who will bring you joy once again.In the meantime please try to focus and make yourself better; career wise, spiritually...you can be single and happy.

@trey-frey3963 5 лет назад

Chris, if you need a listening ear message me, okay? There is hope.

@tshegofalosiele7695 3 года назад

I'm sorry and I hope you are still alive and happy

@robertdalemccollom6250 2 года назад

Pray to GOD let him handle the things you can't I lost what I thought was my soulmate 25 years ago, I did have kids and did manage to get full custody of both, but one thing I've learned and it was GOD who taught me is to forgive her for she not know what she do and once you truly forgive her that's when you take the power away and find peace. Remember we are not fighting flesh and blood, know who You're true enemy is. I'll keep you in my prayers as well.

@joshuacarroll1758 2 года назад

Bro I'm going through the same thing rn

@jmoss4838 Год назад

It will never happen in my case I don’t deserve it

@fdoordash4093 3 года назад

Yea they do then they play victim.

@ronaldstark8342 7 лет назад

What about restitution?

@samshealingpodcast 7 лет назад

it's a good question. every situation is different and sometimes restitution if almost impossible to do. some times though, it is possible. it's extremely situational.

@brianhemmert9394 4 года назад

Gods heart is for restoration. Read the book of Hosea. God doesn't abandon us when we commit spiritual adultery.

@saundracohen4032 2 года назад

@@brianhemmert9394 Right BUT there is Always a price to pay. Scripture absolutely talk about restitution.

@cesarportillo2330 10 месяцев назад

I agree to disagree, unfaithful can and do get away with it. The saying that unfaithful are not covert narcissist or even sociopath is a a false. Some are not ... However most are narcissist special today due to social media ... A position for relationships unless it is business. Some here will disagree with me which is fine. Still my experience has shown that most of those who are unfaithful are narcissist of the worst kind and some are sociopath who at the moment you put your foot down all hell breaks lose. The only way they learn something is to get revenge by leaving and cutting them of your life. If you have kids with such a piece of human trash then just keep the conversation only about the kids until they graduate. It is never worth it to stay with a cheater since the betray have to carry the pain for their poor calculate choices.

@ronaldstark8342 7 лет назад

judaism seems to stress the importance of restitution as a prerequisite for forgiveness.

@samshealingpodcast 7 лет назад

Ronald, i get it. i don't see it as a prerequisite though....we forgive as it's the right thing to do. forgiveness does NOT mean assume or require reconciliation though my friend. i can forgive someone but still refuse to be close to them or even friends. you can forgive as it's what you're going to need to do to set yourself free, but restitution is going to play out differently for every situation, should it need to be done. sometimes there isn't much restitution you can do. i mean, you may not be able to provide the needed restitution. in my case, i couldn't pay back the money we lost, or get our house back, or restore relationships. i was unable to do much if anything to 'pay back' if you see my drift. hope that helps some for you.

@notbill08 4 года назад

Ronald Stark: maybe in biblical times but not today!

@De-tw7by Год назад

Research has revealed women cheat more than men and this happens when men ignore the emotional and physical need of women. So in reality both the partners are responsible for a failed relationship. Ignoring and depriving a partner's needs are more serious crime than actual cheating.

@buffuniballer Год назад

Nope, my ex-wife both ignored and denied my needs AND chose to have an affair. Believe me, her affair was far more hurtful than her simply ignoring and marginalizing my needs and desires. She actually tried to claim I ignored her. I reminded her that I changed jobs to be at home more when she asked and that I'd been asking her both how we were and what I could do to better meet her needs. Finally, a couple of years before her affair, I asked for just an hour a day where it was the two of us, no TV, no kids, no distractions, just time spent together like we did before we married. She couldn't even do that. But she could go out a few years later and have the affair. And then claim it was because I didn't know how to love her. Sorry, having been on the receiving end of both having my needs marginalized AND being betrayed, only being betrayed left me wanting to end my own life. It's far worse than simply being ignored.

@landbarron1420 3 месяца назад

@@buffuniballer This is what happened to me .....D Day 5 months ago.

@JoshuaABrown1982 Месяц назад

@@buffuniballersame thing happened to me. She said she didn’t know how to accept my love and than chose to tell herself that I don’t love her bc I didn’t love her they way she shows love