This is so sad. But I promise you there is someone better out there for you. Someone who wants to govern you as much as you give them. Someone who stays fully present in the relationship thru all the ups and downs. Best thing you can do is 100% focus on yourself. Your own changes and growth. Not for her. Not to get her back, just for you. Then one day out of nowhere someone new will show up and all that work you’ve done on yourself will be worth it. Love yourself as much as you loved her.
The content you're releasing is killing me, but so, so needed. I'm suddenly reflecting on a past relationship with a DA as an FA, and I am experiencing the regret/pain/guilt cycle. It's so so painful. I had no idea how to proactively communicated my needs, and was so anxious that my partner wouldn't comply unless I was people-pleasing.
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool I triggered a DA by soflty expressing needs... then got severe breadcrumbing... then I came to a hard stop. ie I stopped bonding for two. I find myself loathing her now but also feeling miserable, which means my subconscious clearly does not consider her worthless. Thank you for all you do
I'm sorry you're going through this. I can relate. It hasn't been easy for me but allowing myself to heal and show compassion to me has help me. Wish you the best 🙏🏻
My wife (Pretty sure she is FA) had an affair, fell in love with the guy, and asked for a divorce. It completely hit me out of the blue, and I absolutely felt like the rug was pulled out from under me (anxious attachment style here) After a month of trying everything in power to offer ways to fix the relationship, to do self work to meet her unaddressed needs, to work on the relationship together, she remained unconvinced and was actively dating her new lover while I was trying to win her back. These videos help me understand her perspective, and I mourn the loss of our relationship deeply. I am wrong for giving up on trying to prove myself, and moving forward with the divorce. I know she is going to regret this, but I feel there is nothing to divert this path at this point.
My ex, the FA claims i did nothing. In my opinion she mentally checked out the relationship about a month more or less before we officially broke up. Throughout the relationship she pulled away regularly. I didn't chase or bug her ever i gave her the space she needed. When she broke up wirh me she told me that she is married to her job and she can't be the girlfriend i deserve. This relationship was a learning experience that I will never forget.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. You can't win with an FA, ever - except the day you walk away, grit your teeth and refuse to allow yourself to look back, and you'll have to do that day after day after day until the drug finally leaves your system., which can take months
For a little while yes. After the break up in my previous relationship I did whatever I could to not think about it. This was for the first 6 months or so. Partying, going to the gym, whatever helped with the emotions. I think I was being emotionally needy and clinged to some people because I was upset and didn’t want to be alone. Then I started becoming self aware and realized the relationship was unhealthy and had attachment issues.
Over a month ago I was discarded by a fearful avoidant or at least they acted very closely to what was described here. I'm not a party person and they were but he broke up with me because he said how he thought our personalities would clash. I haven't talked with him for a month or so and saw on Instagram he liked a video about "leaving them first" and it was about how they were so anxious they needed to leave. I've given up trying to chase him right when I felt it was unsalvageable so about a month ago and I think he entered that regretting phase but I'm not going to reach out and ask for anything since he was the one who broke the relationship and he should be the one to fix it if it can be fixed. I feel better now with going on dates with other people.
So glad to hear you are taking care of yourself and seeing the patterns. I'm 12 months into No Contact, and I can assure you that it gets better and there are many growth and learning opportunities for you on this grief+recovery path. I have learned so much about myself, what I want, and what I have to offer. And other people are seeing the difference. I'm getting a lot more attention and affection from the opposite sex than before. Not just because I have improved my health and appearance (lost 20 lbs, stronger) but also worked on my core wounds. Don't hesitate to find good professional help and support, beyond RU-vid videos. Best wishes!
Her not communicating her needs is the crux of our communication. Both of us are FA. I have been working on my attachment for most of the year. I became transparent with her and she started to as well. However, she would still break up only to come back. Most of the time it came back to me asking if she broke up with me due to not communicating needs and her response was typically yes. I could tell when she was falling behind on her personal needs and would make a point to address it when noticed so that she didn’t feel unloved or as though her needs were too much. This video is nearly spot on. 6 break ups together. I feel like I’m starting to become an expert on FAs as an FA doing the work. I noticed as I started working on how to communicate boundaries and needs better it scared her away. We would get closer through therapy and then an instant pull of the plug. At this point I just smile because I know she will be back and she knows that I fell in love with her soul and the person inside that craves to be loved.
I don't even know what is going on with this life,but for whatever reason, i feel like i get some sort of healing energy from watching and hearing you . Like your mind,heart ,& voice eminate or something. 🙏🏼
I'm FA and I always like looking at these videos, not just because of the good advice, but also because I want to see how much of it rings true and Yeah. All of this.
I stumbled upon this channel after being ignored by a DA. Then slowly realizing I'm a FA. I may be *aware* of the whole warehouse thing - even though it's mostly stuff that happened in recent years in there, but so much, too much - and I may be aware that I feel miserable and can't thin of anything good, however I very much loathe that DA right now and can't even see her picture without getting angry. So, this has given me a good (and strange) headache but much to ponder. Thank you.
As a FA its hard to know if they miss you or not. I once ended a relationship with someone i loved out of fear. I was in high school, and it was truning into a long-distance relationship. I never ever told him things that were bothering me, and i left him for another guy without an explanation. I still loved the guy i was with but i felt i had to exit the relationship. Do i regret it? Yes. Do i miss him?yes do i have guilt? Yes
@musicandart9711 the timing. Him going to the military. I saw him once a few years ago. He had a big reaction too, but unfortunately, I just ignored him.
now more than 4 months... she was FA and a bit more avoidant she always "used" breakup as a tool and I always make it up and gave her what she wanted so she stay, and the last time after 2 years I stand out and just stayed on my side not being over-responsible not assuming her as a child that doesnt understand so I should give up on my rights, she is gone saying she is not gonna forgive me for my mistakes and shortcomings anymore and it is done,4 months not contact and no reach out from her, thats it
With my FA, I went from being “the healthiest relationship” she’s ever been in to having to move out after 3 1/2 years of togetherness because she didn’t feel that she loved me anymore if ever. I still don’t know if there’s anything after that after 1 3/4 months away and not talking except for the casual text. Breadcrumbing is no way to tell anything, especially if I’ve been feeling breadcrumbed throughout our relationship. Wish there was a video that was more specific.
@@michellegirau8136 You aren’t kidding. I really hate this full heartedly. I am so glad that you were able to heal. She has a lot on her plate for healing too, and I would have been with her through it all 1000%. Cohesion is so early labeled as codependency, and that is one of the issues; another is the lie of “I’m better off alone” while looking for someone to take the place of that someone that loved them. Walking away is the only option, and I dislike it.
It was too hard for me to just accept that I'm being broken up with over a badly timed joke (that triggered her self esteem issues). She didn't want to discuss it, took 4 days to type up a break up text mischaracterizing me, then when we actually talked on the phone, I finally got the real answer. It triggered her self esteem issues and she came to the decision given her anxiety about future commitment, so she just left, AGAIN... I want this to work, but it's almost too difficult. I know she's worthy of a loving relationship (like the one we had), but when is it too much on me?
@@Slaughterproof Me and my ex went through the same things the last year and a half. We just finally broke up for good 3 days ago. I feel like he felt like you. I think it's too much on you when you decide it's too much on you. I told my ex, ignore me, don't listen to me, don't react, don't say anything when I get 'crazy'. I'll be back apologizing. He handled it well for a long time like that. We switched to long distance recently so that's why it's over. Depends on how strong you are, how much you love her, and if she is willing to put in the effort to change over time (which is the point of you dealing with this for her) if she is not changing, you shouldn't be waiting.
@@kimberlyhumphrey4408 I definitely noticed changes between the first and second breakups, but I don't even know if she's coming back or what progress would look like so soon.
@@Slaughterproof how long has it been since you broke up? And if she didn't come back apologizing the first time, then I'm not really sure of her intentions. The best thing to do is distract yourself and fake moving on until it happens. It's the most likely way to bring someone back, but also you have something rather than nothing if she doesn't. Have you been texting her since she broke up with you?
@@kimberlyhumphrey4408 she initiated it the Friday before last week. We texted that weekend back and forth, then some the following Wednesday. Then Sunday she texted me about returning some of my things via an Uber, so I called her to get a real reason on the breakup. I ended the call with (summed up) "well, last time you realized this was real love, everyone else told you it was real and to not throw it away, and you'll reach out in 2-3 weeks just like last time. I hope by then it won't be too late. I have a whole life to live and I can't just sit and wait by the phone, and I definitely wasn't waiting last time. Without going into too many details, you had REALLY good timing when you texted me that Sunday night to end the first breakup. There's nothing more I can do to fix the pain you've caused yourself, only you can. Figure it out. Bye." I waited for her to say bye then I hung up.
What about when they've deactivated? Meaning if they have suppressed their feelings for their partner wouldn't they naturally feel like this isn't the right relationship for me all day. My FA did the slow fade and discarded me then said I'm sorry things are the way they are. Recently she blocked me and I have no idea why because I haven't been told.
If you betrayed me I won't take you back. Once an FA avoids, they already have fallen out of love so to speak... it means you messed something up. Or they never really cared like that...
My female fa and I were together for 6 years. I tried to get her back for about 3,4 months and I've been mostly in no contact for 2 months. How should I try to reconnect? One RU-vidr says to never reach out.
Stay in no contact. It's better for you because you can focus on the things you can control and what will benefit you the most. What she does is up to her and her growth (or not).
Don't reconnect. You're on a hiding to nothing unless she contacts you and apologises, recognises her problem and promises to work with you to fix herself. BUT if she does do that, do the bare minimum and do not think that everything will be roses. It won't be.
does timeframe of the relationship play a role in the chances of them coming back?? because i think emotional depth plays a bigger role than the timeframe? its just been 4 months seeing each other before she ghosted me. but on the other hand, i had a relationship breakup after 3 years and didnt feel the same pain at all.
Thank you for making all the helpful content 🙏 🤍 I'm wondering what if the connection was really good and you got broken up with by a fearful avoidant? It has been a month and I'm wondering when is a good time to reach out?
