How to Get Back Together with Your Fearful Avoidant Ex (In A Healthy Way!)

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In today's video, Thais Gibson shares how to reconnect to the fearful avoidant attachment style (disorganized attachment style) after a break up. Watch now to learn about how you can reconnect with your fearful avoidant ex as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "How to Heal From a Break Up & Transform Grief", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:52 - Repression of Feelings and Emotions After a Break Up
00:02:08 - 4 Weeks of No Contact
00:02:23 - Course: How To Heal From A Breakup
00:03:01 - Process of Prequalifying
00:06:55 - 14-day Free Trial
00:07:45 - Conclusion
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6 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 55

@Luis913Barroeta Месяц назад

Real life example, my FA leaning DA reached out 6 weeks post break up (anxious side) we reconnected, she expressed her fears then 4 weeks into reconnecting she finally admitted she loved me, then IMMEDEDIATLEY deactivated for months (vulnerability hangover). That fine line one has to deal with with an FA's is craaaaazy 💯

@brianburris Месяц назад

Yep just did this. But 1st break up was 3 months

@datshoehead23 Месяц назад

It's a wild ride man. My FA reached back out to me a few months ago (we had dated for a couple months a year earlier, which i ended when she started being distant). We had a nice date together last month, she was acting very "couple-ish", texted me after saying she wish the night didn't have to end. 3 days later, starts acting distant. Pretty much ghosted me, only talking to me if I initiated over the last few weeks. I've just stopped reaching out, she's told me she's scared but that's nothing I can figure out for her.

@brianburris Месяц назад

@@datshoehead23 ya this shit is weird, I was in a narcissist relationship before this one , this one was great. Then Every time I get closer to her or really need her for something it's like she runs away. I know she really loves me Iv been with enough relationship I believe that much but idk what happened, she stayed at my house 4 nights in a row , then asked me to stay with her at her house, so I did . She wakes up at 5 to work from home , I wake up at 6 to leave for work. Things were actually well. She wakes me up right at 6am and says I don't trust you. Then asks me to leave . I haven't seen her all week now..things were good she had a hard mother's day I had her meet me at the park with her favorite flowers and other things, she cried and thanked me. The next day at work she wanted me to give her a list of what I needed so I could finish building my race car. She's been in the garage with me building it. I told her I didn't need her to buy me anything that I just needed her. We went to the gym together, I made some money selling some things and then talking to a guy about a part I needed, we had dinner at her house,.I took my kid home and came back , we both are buying our own homes only 5 mins away from each other, we are frecking perfect for each other and then I wake up to that in the morning. I have surgery in 2 days and I told her I needed her as we had planned and no response. If she isn't there from me again I'm moving on.

@karltan9461 23 дня назад

FAs are without a doubt the most confusing of them all and hardest to deal with. At least the DAs are consistently distant. A severe FA will have you questioning your sanity, wondering if you are insecure or unworthy. They will drive even secure people into anxiety. Speaking from experience.

@Kavilion Месяц назад

Dating a person like this will absolutely destroy you. You do 100% of the work, 100% of the suffering and it will never be enough.

@marguskiis7711 Месяц назад

I disagree. I have a FA gf. Yes, it was a rocky journey. But it was worth it. I am happier than ever.

@hscheidecker Месяц назад

I think it is very dependent on whether the FA is willing to learn, grow, and accept that they are a fearfal avoidant. Without that, there will be no change by the FA and the other partner will likely outgrow the FA.

@chrisharris6462 Месяц назад

I show stability and commitment as a FA. If you show untrustworthiness, goodbye forever

@seanfrance3182 3 дня назад

@@chrisharris6462if you recognize your FA style, and can be honest with yourself. Then you can be confident in breaking connections with ppl that break your trust (repeatedly). It’s sometimes hard to discern between you being triggered and really needing to enforce your boundaries and self respect.

@chrisharris6462 3 дня назад

@@seanfrance3182 agreed. But boundaries are demonstrated, not discussed. That's why I remove myself with no words spoken.

@sifublack192 Месяц назад

I've learned it's best to go no contact unless they reach out first after a breakup. No sense in trying to determine when the best time is to reach out to someone as they'll make that decision themselves. Regardless of attachment style, it's best to go about your life after a breakup (which may include seeing other people) even if you want to reconnect.

@russellcameronthomas2116 23 дня назад

Agree 100%. This "4 week NC then contact" plan can only work if the FA is already on a growth and healing path, and has sufficient self-awareness to recognize their patterns and take corrective action. Even then, 4 weeks may not be enough. They may need 4 months or more. Best thing is to leave them alone completely, don't monitor any of their social media, and let them reach out to you if they have grown and changed, and are interested in restarting the relationship.

@sifublack192 23 дня назад

@@russellcameronthomas2116 agreed.

@MrChachiyo Месяц назад

Run.

@MrChachiyo Месяц назад

Unless they heal.

@harry-james-books Месяц назад

@@MrChachiyo You have more chance of getting a whale up the Pope's arse than healing an FA

@sadiqua7 Месяц назад

Yep, I did the grey area for months, intimacy included until I snapped and pulled the cord. Did the course and no contact for 4 weeks and everything. I don’t know if he went anxious but he did keep up communication unsolicited. i never saw an opening to initiate a talk so I got fed up. I just don’t have the time to walk on eggshells with someone unsure of me after a year of dating and 2yrs of pursuing me. We’re both FA, I put myself out there and opened up to him and he left me on read. I won’t internalize his behavior and will continue being open with new partners earlier on so as to not waste my time again. I peak anonymously at his stories and he’s doing everything you say, first isolating and posting a lot of selfies, then over partying to numb, one post of a sentimental song of an artist that looks similar to me, now he’s spending a lot of time with family and old friends as well posting a lot of political vids. I doubt he’ll ever engage me since my last message was very vulnerable and I can’t see how he can get around ignoring me. It’s been maybe 2-3weeks. I refuse to reach out to him again EVERRRRRRR.

@karltan9461 Месяц назад

Jesus christ, yes, FAs and their external validation selfie seeking behaviour. Mine had an instagram that was a giant red flag. Same behaviour, intense selfie behaviour for a few days right after ending it. Im secure and being with her sent me into anxious side and almost destroyed me.

@russellcameronthomas2116 23 дня назад

You might also stop monitoring his social media, for your own sake. It keeps you activated consciously and subconsciously, and reactive to his changes. Better to cut the cord completely and move on with your life.

@johnnyfog8134 Месяц назад

So good!!!

@marguskiis7711 Месяц назад

Amazing. You are totally right.

@UnicornsAreReal1 Месяц назад

I'm saying this as a healing FA, no one should have to put up with our behavior if it's inconsistent. Trying to figure out the right temperature with us is ridiculous. I used to half jokingly tell my friends that I would never date me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a loving woman who's had a life of people pleasing, empathy and kindness. When I'm triggered is when the hot and cold begins. The thing is, I've never been triggered from a man with a secure attachment. It was nice and smooth sailing. It's only those with insecure attachment styles I'm triggered with. In that case, it's not just me who needs works it's both of us.

@aaronsinspirationdaily4896 Месяц назад

My experience an SA was the FA triggered herself and created emotional chaos through her own behaviours and actions. Then projected that out onto me. Any action that involved me setting boundaries, saying no, expressing my emotions or holding her accountable resulted in her becoming even more triggered and dysregulated. Then it was all my fault apparently. I’m with another SA now and it’s very calm and joyful. Zero drama or chaos. This has been my experience with other SA’s before too.

@UnicornsAreReal1 Месяц назад

@@aaronsinspirationdaily4896 I understand. Maybe because the secure man I dated never asserted boundaries or vice versa and that resulted in the smooth sailing? We just had a calm year long relationship. I don't think we loved each other though. I never let him in enough to do that. I was also very young. It was a nice relationship for what it was. Anyone I dated before and after had some sort of insecure attachment. Oddly enough, I felt more comfortable with them because they were flawed too which took the focus off of my own flaws. I'm glad you found someone secure. Getting away from the tumultuous storm a FA can bring is a good call. I have a few FA friends and I'd say we're all good women who are loving moms and will give the shirt off our backs for the people we love. Dating though? 😳 It's not easy. I try and stay single. I test secure now, but I feel the FA lurking inside of me so I'm not ready to date.

@cx0987 Месяц назад

i feel i am a SA and im trying to be patient and get back with ma FA ex but shes triggered when we get close and i just pull away when she does i dont know much to do but maybe mirror her actions but im gonna take a 4 week NC cuz im not sure what to do she pulls hard when we get close

@johnnyfog8134 Месяц назад

Would you do a video about Empathy capacites of the different attachement style? :)

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Месяц назад

Thank you for your suggestion Johnny. Will forward this to Thais :)

@jacobbaradaeus6250 Месяц назад

Will you do a video for what to do if the FA breaks up with you and blocks you everywhere? Is there any hope of reconnection? I know she’s going to feel regret but I think she’s done this so that she won’t be able to reconnect. I could write her a letter in 6-8 weeks but what would I even say?

@aristark559 Месяц назад

does timeframe of the relationship play a role in the chances of them coming back?? because i think emotional depth plays a bigger role than the timeframe? its just been 4 months seeing each other before she ghosted me. but on the other hand, i had a relationship breakup after 3 years and didnt feel the same pain at all.

@hscheidecker Месяц назад

As it relates to a FA/AA muddled friendship/situationship/undefined relationship: is it healthy/okay for both people to dive into PDS and try to heal simultaneously without breaking contact or is that not possible? Both recognize that the current relationship and codependency is not healthy.

@Killer-ct4vt Месяц назад

Almost a year . All I wish is this panic attacks to leave me the fuck alone

@Rraide3r 8 дней назад

My Ex (dated 6 years) is showing all the signs of a fearful avoidant in our breakup and has refused to talk to me until recently (2 weeks after our breakup and only after her friends told her she had to). Upon speaking to her, I realized that she would need time to get out of this “relief” stage before we could even consider making things work. So my question is: Should I consider the processing timeline to start from the actual breakup or from the discussion we had? I’m not sure if her feeling forced into a conversation by her friends might have reset or delayed the process for her. Since the breakup have really done a lot of self discovery about myself and the relationship. I have been focusing on growing into a better individual, and have started going to therapy but I am also not ready to prove her right and give up on her like people have done to her in the past. Any insight/guidance would be appreciated! 😊

@Rraide3r 8 дней назад

A bit of Background: I have been no contact with her over the 2.5 weeks except for to coordinate the meeting and then sent a text after we talked saying that I would respect her request for space. Before the breakup she was always a warm/bubbly, empathetic and loving person, but did struggle with anxious tendencies and fear of abandonment (after her mother abandoned her) but post breakup she feels cold, and erratic and like a completely different person. I strongly believe she broke up with me because she was scared of being abandoned by me that she decided to leave before that could happen. She mentioned that she was afraid of losing me 2 days before our breakup, after I had gotten mad at her for something totally stupid. This is the second time she had ever reacted like this after a simple argument but I really had no intentions of leaving her and thought I had reassured her… but I guess not. I know it should have been a larger red flag to me but I was naive and so caught up in planning to propose, that I thought it would have been the reassurance she needed.

@koala01111986 Месяц назад

Being on the receiving end as an adult is so painful and sad. I did this, the break up because of fears and shut down for 1 month at secondary school (I didn't talk to that guy for 1 month and we were in the same class 😅 and then started to reconnect and went back together and then again fears and I broke up, but at that time I wasn't aware and we were just kids). Now I'm much more secure and I'm experiencing this with my FA ex and don't know what to do😢 apart from working on myself because of some wounds that are still there

@harry-james-books Месяц назад

"working on myself because of some wounds that are still there" Get out and stay out. Trust me, you're on a hiding to nothing

@koala01111986 Месяц назад

@@harry-james-books my fears are still there anyway, so I still want to get rid of them. I'm not someone that goes around searching for a relationship, I really need to feel that is worth my time and space, I'm FA too after all and used to be alone since ever, so I find really hard to accept someone into my life, space and time. And I really care for this guy after all, he is a good person, yes with lots of wounds, but still a good person.

@salvomig2368 Месяц назад

If he broke up with you, then you go no contact. During this time, work on yourself. Sign up for the PDS classes. Some advocate not reaching out all and let the dumper reach out. If you’re too anxious, then reach out at about 4-6 weeks. You may see as you heal, you may not want to reach out and it’s not worth it, especially if they’re not working on themselves. Good luck.

@harry-james-books Месяц назад

@@salvomig2368 Why sign up for a "course" instead of walk away and date someone who isn't at best an emotional vampire, or at worst QBPD or a narcisist?

@salvomig2368 Месяц назад

@@harry-james-books Great question. I’m a fan of working on yourself and then meeting secure people. The more secure we are, the less likely we’ll keep or chase those narcissistic people in our lives.