Teddy bears, balloons, and jewelry were all popular valentines day gifts when I was growing up in the southern US. But if you're going to have particular wishes on what you want for anniversary, Valentines, Christmas, etc you need to communicate that to your partner in advance. You can't get mad after the fact. Uncommunicated expectations are so detrimental. Full disclosure I did get mad at my high school boyfriend for getting me a glass flower instead of a real one for Valentines. I was 15 and a dumbass though. I'm still cringing decades later.
OP brought his girlfriend sneakers she had been eyeing for a long time, I really don’t understand what her problem is?! Clearly he wanted to make her happy by buying her something he knew she really wanted and she had been saving for, which is really sweet and shows he pays attention. And they have only been dating for a few months, which I think is way too early to have high gift expectations. The girlfriend sounds needy and bratty.
This. I hate saying "we are just friends" because there is no "just" about it. I have chosen to be single for years now and love my friends and family and do not feel like I'm lacking. :)
It's not about that. I've been in a very similar situation to OP's friend (my ex-fiancé left me a couple of weeks before our wedding, we'd been together for 5.5 years, lived together, everything) and in the first few months, _everything_ triggered me or at least had the potential to trigger me. I deeply love my friends, value my friendships incredibly highly, and especially at the time was so grateful for how they were there for me in this very difficult time. But the smallest things set me off. Celebrating friendships and the love you share among friends is a beautiful thing, and OP's friend is probably aware of that; it's just likely that she doesn't have the emotional capacity for that right now
@@Casutama It seemed to me like the OP was just trying to remind the friend that there's someone who's there for her - and this would have meant the world to me during a serious breakup. I was so lonely, heartbroken and miserable.
as an asexual person (possibly aromantic too) I think it's so beautiful to celebrate platonic love especially in such a cute way with those cookies 🥹 I hate that platonic love is so overlooked all the time especially on valentine's day :(
I don't celebrate Valentine's Day because it's the anniversary of my father's death. If a coworker or friend gives me something, I just say thank you and enjoy my gift. I don't understand making someone feel bad for a gesture that came from a place of love. I would savor those cookies. Yum!
So sorry for your loss and totally understandable. While it’s not quite the same thing, Valentine’s Day was the last day I ever saw my grandma alive before she passed away three months later and on the way to visit her that day we got stuck in traffic from a fatal accident on the highway. I’ll never get the image of a person lying under a white sheet in the middle of the road out of my head nor the end of our visit when I knew in my heart that I was saying goodbye to my grandma for the last time and was silently crying in the back of the car because I didn’t want it to be true. So I totally understand the holiday being tainted by bad memories and not celebrating it as a result, but also respecting people’s kind gestures should they do something nice on that day. Thoughts with you on the anniversary of your father’s death ❤.
OMG I came here to say this.. it definitely reads like highschool drama, esp since she has a curfew. OP needs to let her know that if she had communicated her expectations prior to the holiday, he absolutely would have been able to meet them, but she's not willing to compromise with him after the fact and that's really hurtful. My partner and I have been together for decades and we still run into things where we have a fundamental difference in our expectations, because of the cultures/family situations we were raised in. We take it in stride NOW, but it was most definitely a source of tension in our early relationship. I hope they get through this hiccup and use it as an opportunity to open discussions and learn about each other.
yes AND intensified by some tik-tok trend or another I'm sure. Like she wanted to post her Valentine's gift on social media - shoes weren't instagrammable enough for the theme
@@faithpearlgenied-a5517 not neccessarily, I think some college dorms and etc have curfews as well and some parents might still put them on their adult children. But judging by her behavior, she probably is lol
I feel the same way about people that go to thrift stores, buy up all the nice things then turn around and sell them online for more than retail prices. The whole point of thrift shops is to give people who don't have a lot of money the chance to have some nice things at a price they can afford. To me the resellers are just greedy.
Right! The worst is when they hope that goodwill doesn't notice they are selling an expensive brand for cheap. I saw a cringey tik Tok of a reseller's biggest fear: the check out attendant knowing the brand. Bc if you can't buy it for 4 bucks and sell it for well over 100% of the price you paid, then is it even profitable? Like using goodwill for profit is so strange. At least by in bulk from liquidators or something if you want a resell business. Goodwill is just a third party supplier to them, resellers don't want to spend money for their buisness but still think they are entitled for money. Goodwill as a company isn't the greatest one ever, but at least they did a net good in concept. But no.
I have a different opinion. Second hand shops still throw away far too much clothing, so I have no problem with people making money by finding desired items in those shops and reselling them in a curated manner.
Curiously, I think that resellers are what made thrift stores rethink what they were charging for donated items and crank up their prices. An unholy spiral.
11:25 In Swedish valentines-day is called friend-day and/or all-the-hearts-day. it translates a bit awkwardly, but it puts love of all sorts in spotlight, I think it's sweet
@Ozeloten i think Vändagen is used in Sweden along the border to Finland. Maybe even in areas where people speak Finish as well (although I am not sure, considering Finish is their first language, not Finlandssvenska).
Yep, as a Finn I've always thought of Valentine's day as a day to celebrate both friendship and love, and I prefer it that way. Much more inclusive than restricting it to romantic love only.
I disagree about the event one. I'd say NDH. Yeah, Sarah was hurt, and she's not wrong for feeling a bit hurt, but the event might be very important for some of the people, and that includes the spirit of everyone being single. Some of the other guests might feel hurt and/or betrayed for people being allowed when they're not single. Sometimes people get hurt even when nobody is doing anything actually wrong. What's important is to respect their feelings and give them the space they need, even if that drives you apart a little. You can always try to reconnect or reconciliate.
Agreed. I think that there’s an element of solace in something like that event. It doesn’t necessarily mean « people in relationships suck » just being together with people who are in the same boat
Yes! Exactly. It doesn't mean that they hate those who are in relationships, but rather that they find community and understanding in those who are single. Also, being at a single event while in a relationship would MAKE her the outcast. If most of the conversations revolve around the frustration of not finding anyone, the journey of coming to terms with not having that kind of love in your life, and other similar things, then she will just stand there in silence not being able to contribute to the conversation. She doesn't NEED to come and is already invited to other events. She can arrange a video call or text her boyfriend for company, but that's not even listed as an option she explored. Unless there is something else going on, she is going out of her way to go to a safe space she doesn't fit into.
Agreed! NDH! I'm wondering if the singles event might also be for the purpose of hooking up with other singles. In which case having one person who'd ultimately be left alone any way would make things awkward.
I'm wondering, if she is so adamant on joining because she will feel sad otherwise, what are the odds that it will actually come up on the event? I would not even have asked to join, it's bound to be awkward.
For the scalpers one, I'd say everyone sucks. OP sucks for buying from scalpers, but her husband also sucks for giving her the silent treatment over something that at the end of the day was meant as a nice gesture. I also just think giving someone the silent treatment in general is ridiculously childish and petty no matter the situation. It's fine to say you need space to process your emotions, but you can't just ignore someone and expect them to read your mind about it. I know people online are always way too quick to jump to harsh conclusions, but if these two can't talk to each other like mature adults I really don't see their relationship lasting.
The wife did something kind coming from a good place, maybe a bit naive, but husband is absolutely being childish. A bit upset and having a talk about why buying from a scalper is a bad choice. But silent treatment or one word responses for DAYS?!?!?!? Her mistake came from a good place, wanting to get him something he wanted so much. His behavior is cruel.
It sounds like OP made the post the same day that it all happened. So while I agree that the silent treatment is not good, he's been working so he's had to compartmentalize his feelings and hasn't had the chance to fully process.
As someone who's been single for years I have mixed feelings about allowing "dating person" to a singles' event. On one hand, sure, I don't mind other people having partners around me. On the other hand I get extremely sad on Valentine's and want to feel a kinship with others in similar position instead of having a reminder that I'm an odd-one-out. Furthermore, if you make an exception once, then you'll prone to making more exceptions in the future. I remember going to "dating" karaoke night, which supposed to be for singles only to find out later that half of the crowd was people dating or even married. It turned out that organizers made a few exceptions for their former patrons (ex-single who went to those events). Not a big problem if it was advertised differently and didn't limit the number of participants. So yeah, annoying. Of course, I understand that it sounds petty, but I wish people understood that sometimes they need to consider other people's feeling. Why should I as single be always the one understanding and accepting of couples and family people, their demands, wishes and reasons? It can be the other way round for once. And in this story it's not like they excluded her completely (from all the other events) or unfairly. Sorry for venting.
I agree with you. Even when I was in a long distance relationship and alone on Valentine’s Day, I wouldn’t have expected my friends to include me in an event for single people. Not everyone needs to be invited to everything and it is okay for a subgroup to want to do something together that is about that subgroup. I also find it a bit strange that Sarah, knowing it is a singles’ event, just expected to sneak her way in. Yes she may be alone on Valentine’s Day, but she is not single. She can still call her boyfriend or do an online date, plan a date for a weekend after, and even just know she has that connection with a partner, which the single friends do not have.
I think it all depends on if it’s meant to be for singles to bond over being single, or if it’s simply an event to spend time with those who would otherwise be lonely. I do galantines each year, and friends regardless of dating status are allowed if they want to spend the night with friends. The expectation is to have fun with friends, not to think about how miserable you are being single. But if you need that space to mourn, I may not understand it, but I can accept it. I find it a bit unhealthy, and think a night enjoying friendship is better than lamenting over not having romantic love, but I’m also on the Ace spectrum and I find platonic love to be so so so valuable and delightful. I’m very close and platonically intimate (hugs and platonic touch, vulnerable conversations, close knit support, etc) with my friends and so being single doesn’t feel lonely.
Yeah! Exactly. It doesn't mean that they hate those who are in relationships, but rather that they find community and understanding in those who are single. Also, being at a single event while in a relationship would MAKE her the outcast. If most of the conversations revolve around the frustration of not finding anyone, the journey of coming to terms with not having that kind of love in your life, and other similar things, then she will just stand there in silence not being able to contribute to the conversation. She doesn't NEED to come and is already invited to other events. She can arrange a video call or text her boyfriend for company, but that's not even listed as an option she explored. Unless there is something else going on, she is going out of her way to go to a safe space she doesn't fit into.
@@thecolorjuneI want to expend a little bit on my "unhealthy" desire for occasional pity party. I'm not lonely in my life per see: I have numerous good friends, I work with people, so sometimes I even get an overdose on communication and prefer to spend time as a recluse. Yet I haven't had romantic connection, skinship and courting for years. It's different type of lonely for me: not lonely, but lacking. When I talk about my experience with "paired up" friends they usually dismiss or doubt my experience: "there are other things in life", "but you have so much more than some partner", "you're like a teenager", "you should think about other stuff", "you'll find someone when you give up trying", "you paint it harder than it actually is", "it's the same problem over and over again" etc. So in the end I feel guilty and ashamed for even bringing my "stupid little problems" up and do it less and less, because I understand that my struggles seem insignificant to those in relationships, because they're already past that point. They are not mean on purpose, they can just forget what it feels like. What's even worse is when they try to fix you based on their experience and encourage to stay positive, because no one likes "desperate/sad". Yet, what is actually not healthy is to bottle up negative emotions such as anger, frustration, envy and so on. With my single friends we usually just vent and support each other without giving out advice or dismissing one's experience. "It's so fucking hard to meet someone this days!", "You're so cool, are all men blind?", "That f*cking couple was almost eating each other in the elevator! I want that too!", "So you thought she looked at you that way, but it turned out she was straight? Poor you" and so on. I'm sorry, but it's a different vibe from talking it out with people in a relationship. And I do think that friends don't have to spend every moment with each other or they do not value friendship or are not friends. For example, my friend thinks that I'm too competitive and she doesn't like going to quiz night with me, so we go separately with different groups of friends. But otherwise we have lovely relationship and have been supporting each other for 20+ years.
I agree!! We live in such a romance-focused society, and if we have to be forced into events like attending weddings and celebrating Valentine's Day (usually being told it's "polite", even though people often are quite invasive about my relationships during those scenarios) when that stuff can feel quite othering, then we should be allowed a space just for us to be single in. I hate that we are always expected to go out of our way to appear polite and put ourselves in the way of questions like "so when are YOU getting married?" and "who are you going on a date with for valentine's?" and phrases like "you need to catch the bouquet, then you can get married!!". We get told we're impolite or disrespecting relationships by choosing not to subject ourselves to that. Then it isn't considered impolite for others to come into spaces where romance isn't a talking point and almost intrude on a space that isn't intended for them. Because being single is different to just not having your partner around - because you dont HAVE a partner. Unlike the girl in the post who could always video call or have a valentine's celebration a bit later. I feel like people dont realise how different being single can be. Especially when you have someone like me whose singleness comes from being autistic and not feeling comfortable doing romantic things due to sensory and communication issues, and partially because I'm on the aroace spectrum. Because when we say "single", we usually think about people who are "ready to mingle" as well. Which can be stressful in and of itself because "mingling" isn't as easy as people in relationships seem to remember, however i havent had much experience so I'll be talking more from a not WANTING to date front (read the above reply for a good perspective from the other side!!). But what about the rest of us as well?? A lot of singles nights are made for people who don't want to date (whether it's current or permanent) and feel rejected for that. Maybe it's the same with OP as well and she isn't actually "jelly", she just doesn't want to date and feels like she isn't seen by her friends who do date others.
With the PS5 one, I think the wife isn’t the drama for buying it, the husband isn’t the drama for being upset, but the husband IS the drama for continuing to basically give the wife the silent treatment after the fact. This seems to me like a genuine misunderstanding. I think it’s entirely possible that the wife thought that the husband didn’t want to buy from scalpers purely because he didn’t want to spend that much and didn’t even consider and possible moral implications Edited for grammar and clarity
Regarding the single's event: I'm a bit surprised that for the themes of the event you went for either not-being-alone or shitting-on-people-in-relationships. How about the option: we go out and try to find other single people who don't want to sit alone at home on Valentine's and maybe a new romance will blossom (or just let it be a consentual hook-up). I can totally see how in-relationship-friend would not belong in a group like that. It could even make her uncomfortable.
I got my girlfriend a stuffed animal for Valentines Day--because she loves Squishmallows and typically can't justify the price! If it weren't something I know she loves and doesn't usually buy, I would have felt kind of derivative for picking up a stuffed animal for her lol. Imo, traditional gifts are fun, but a gift that was tailored to suit the giftee's interests beats a traditional gift every time. It shows special thought and care and is, dare I say, more romantic
This is great. My husband only gets me stuffed toys if he thinks that I would really enjoy it. So he bought me a plague doctor and plague nurse squshmallow set and he bought me a mimikyu and a Pikachu dressed as a mimikyu and he got me a giant Stitch at Euro Disney. That's it. Those are the only stuffed toys he's bought me in 8 years.
For the last one im in the croteria camp. It is okay to create safe spaces for people with specific identies and experiences. Those people should not feel pressured to disrupt that space for someone else's comfort.
What I don't get tho is that how would it "disrupt the space" like no-one would even know she's not single. Who's gonna feel more uncomfortable: Sara who now has to spend Valentine's Day alone, missing her partner and missing her friends who are all having fun without her and specifically excluded her. Or the people partying with someone who is not technically in the same category as them, most of whom won't even know.
I'd bet DV/homeless/refugee shelters would love to have some electronics that they can let teens use while staying there. Lots of people donate little-kid toys and adult items to shelters, but they sort of forget the teens.
2nd story: friend was just hurting and is probably jealous of op for having a stable relationship. She will probably appreciate the gesture in a better headspace and apologies.
I feel like the last one needs more info. If the friend was already in a relationship before agreeing to the event, that seems dishonest on her part. If the relationship is a more recent development, then it's not an issue from that angle. But then the fact she neither told them about her boyfriend nor actively tried to hide that fact doesn't make much sense in either scenario.
Regarding the singles only event: I feel like even if the event is not about putting single people down, it still might be about getting a sense of community with other single people - ones who recently broke up, ones who haven't met their other half yet, and ones who don't intend on getting into a relationship in the foreseeable future - because the society oftentimes makes all of these cathegories of singles feel like there's something wrong with them for not having a partner. We don't have to put the people in relationships down to feel better, but we could sometimes use this feeling of belonging and hanging out with people who 100% understand us.
I’m aromantic and I LOVE Valentine’s Day! I love the aesthetic with hearts and everything and I even love those chalky heart candies. I take it as a great time to celebrate the love I have for my family and friends. And I’m definitely having way more fun than the people who take it super serious and don’t have a partner. I sympathize with their sadness or bitterness but it’s just a day and there so much more to love.
Most definitely ~ I sympathize with the people frustrated by it, because before I came to understand my aroace-ness I struggled hard to find happiness in something that felt restrictive and an unavoidable reminder of my failures (since a big part of coming out for me was pushing away the traditional expectation ingrained that at x age I was supposed to be married and have 2.5 kids and shit). Nowadays, there’s nothing more freeing than just goofing off, having fun and enjoying the aesthetic. Getting all dolled up for shits and giggles, having mimosas and playing video games with friends, things like that. I have rehearsal for a musical I’m in on Valentine’s Day this year, and so I’m buying some cute valentines cards and candy to give to everyone at rehearsal because, fuck it, I can. (I’m undecided on which ones, but I’m tempting to get the cute Bluey ones I saw at the grocery store haha).
@@Silentgrace11 I’m happy for you that you’ve discovered your place in the aroace community! It really can be so hard when society tells you there’s one way to be and that way is not how you are. But I’m glad you feel free enough to have fun on valentines. And I hope your play goes well!
I totally agree! I’m aromantic too and I celebrate a holiday in May similar to Valentine’s Day, and it’s one of my favourite days of the year. There are so many different kinds of love to celebrate and being with people you care about in any sense is a beautiful way to honour the day! ^^
I think it depends on the other people coming to the Valentine's event. If having someone who isn't single there would make them uncomfortable, then yeah keep it separate. She can celebrate Valentine's on the weekend with her boyfriend, though.
Jesus are people so immature that they can't even look at someone who is in a relationship. It's not going to burn their eyes out. They should apologise for having sticks up their asses and just let their FRIEND who is going to feel lonely on Valentine's Day come to their little party.
My husband and I have never liked the commercialism of valentine's day or the pressure the expectations put on us. So for valentine's day we go out in the yard, pick a pretty pebble and exchange those. We just celebrated 21 years married (22 together) and are still going strong.
Same (except I'm aspec) my mother hated it too and I remember she said that her dad used to get flowers from their garden and her mum would put them in a vase (and ironically I actually made an internal comment about the fact I'd be happy if someone I cared about gave me a cool rock during that first story)
Also, Supernatural has had me calling Valentine's Day 'Unattached Drifter Christmas' for ages. I will now be alternating between that and Vampire Day. (B.c to be fair, it *can* be emotionally draining.)
For the PS5 story, I have to disagree a little, specifically with the Veganuary metaphor. In your metaphor, the boundaries of the person doing Veganuary had been clearly communicated, something that does not seem to have happened in the original story. Yes, scalping is a huge issue, especially within gaming spheres, and I really love your solution to the problem. However, it is not necessarily a very well known issue outside the gaming sphere. The OP probably assumed that the reason why their husband hadn’t bought it from a reseller, was the increased price, at which point, I can understand their instinct to treat their husband to something he wouldn’t ordinarily get himself. Ignorant, yes, but not malicious. I can totally still get the YTD badge, cause ignorance isn’t an excuse, but I would rather give it a small ESH badge. The husband is understandably upset, and I agree that he’s got very good morals in not playing it, but getting so mad at his partner that he’s giving them the silent treatment several days after, is unfair. Communicate why that was a boundary crossed, that the price was not the problem, it was the principle, and talk out a solution. It’s either a NDH or a ESH for me.
i mostly agree but also op says her husband did complain about scalpers and in that complaining he must have explained his reasons why he didn't like them, yes maybe he didn't use the specific words "i don't want a ps5 from a scalper" (he might have, tho, we don't know) but what he did say gave op information on how he felt about that. i don't fully blame her, in the end she just wanted to do a nice gesture, but maybe she should have asked him instead of asuming and surprising him. i think no drama here honestly
Yeah! As someone who has never bought a gaming console, I had no idea scalping was an issue! I don’t go to concerts much either (2-3 in my life) so I didn’t know of the issue there either, except for the Eras tour bc of a friend. I would have thought his reasoning was about the increased cost, not the ethics, as I didn’t know the greater context of reselling.
@@esf34147 but still, she could have thought his complaints were about the price being inaccessible to HIM. Not an ethical qualm. We don’t know the contents of his complaints, so it’s still very likely to be a honest misunderstanding.
I agree that it sounds like a misunderstanding and since OP seems not to have been aware of the issue, it could have been a teaching moment from the husband. The origin was a nice gesture and now everyone’s feelings are hurt and no solution is in sight. The communication before, during, and after seems to be the real issue there
I would either give it a very small EDH or NDH. Obviously the problem was caused by the wife's ignorance, but it can be somewhat excused by her lack of knowledge. I think where the drama comes in is how they reacted to this. Giving your wife a cold shoulder is kinda dickish, tho I do understand how maddening it is being so close to having something you want, but be unable to use it because it would go against your morals. On the other hand it seems like the wife thinks that the husband should be thankful to her and abandon his morals, because she did something nice for him. But I do agree, whatever badge they get, they should still try to communicate with one another and explain what went wrong and how to fix it
On the last one, I feel like the single people aren't planning to have a 'hate on couples' night, but depending on the group it could end in jokes about being single or similar, that it would then be uncomfortable on both sides for Sarah to join in with.
For the ps5 story, yes, it was a little AHish to buy it from a scalper if the husband has expressed his distaste for scalpers, but I also think his reaction was over the top and kind of AHish. The damage is done, the money was spent, you have the ps5, why refuse to use it or even look at it? At that point, buying another ps5 "ethically" would technically be taking the opportunity away from someone else who doesn't have one stashed in their closet. Be mad for a bit, talk about why you didn't like your wife's actions, then move on and use the extremely expensive game console. They're both a bit of the AH in my mind.
Yeah, this was my take as well. It's not like she can return it to the scalper and get her money back. And if she tries to sell it for the price she paid, she's part of the problem. While I do understand his frustration, he's definitely not helping the issue by shoving a perfectly functional console into the closet and leaving it untouched while he continues to search for another to buy like it doesn't exist in there. The damage is indeed already done. Definitely have a talk about why it was not a good idea, and make it clear that you never want her to do it again- and then use the damn thing! You're letting one go to waste in a massive shortage! That's really unethical in itself!
He's actually making it worse by wasting the product and money spent. For example, I'm anti-leather/fur/suede but I'm okay with using it second hand. Why? Because otherwise, that product was wasted and everything that was put into it (the animal's life, the labor, the cost) was squandered for nothing. Instead, you respect the product and you use it to get every last penny's worth out of it.
In my opinion, buying from a scalper was a bad move for two reasons. 1. It supports scalpers. 2. It put the boyfriend in a difficult and conflicted position where something he wants has turned into something unpleasant. I get where he’s coming from, as I once got a gift from a loved one that I once would have adored, but now do not want for moral reasons that really matter to me. It hurt getting that gift, and left me feeling really miserable, because the gift came from a good thought, and I didn’t want to tell my loved one that I didn’t want it. Luckily, that loved one wasn’t about when I opened the gift, and I’m honestly not sure what kind of rift it might have caused had that person witnessed my initial unhappy reaction. I think the op should make sure she apologising, but after that, I think it’s up the the boyfriend to take a step back, consider the kind intentions behind the gift, and realise that a lot of the anger he’s putting onto her is a deflection of the frustration with the position he has found himself in. I’m not sure I’d be able to separate the gift from the source though, and would probably (finances permitting and to rid the shadow from the item) regift the ps5 to someone who also really wants one (who doesn’t have the same moral hatred of scalpers, or perhaps a kid too young to think to ask about the source) then buy another from a legit source and decide to forever think of it as the thoughtful gift my girlfriend bought me.
@@tilltab That is extremely disrespectful. To basically tell this person who had nothing but intentions to APOLOGIZE for trying to do something thoughtful and kind?? Are you serious?? No way in hell would I apologize to someone for buying them a gift when this is the kind of reaction I would've gotten. If anything, HE should apologize for acting like a toddler. Look, selling an item second hand isn't scalping. It's only such if you're overpricing the object in order to make a bigger profit. I'm other words, scamming people. Reselling an item because it was an accidental purchase, a gift that you didn't want, an item you couldn't get a refund on, that is normal. If he was acting like an adult, he would just sell it and buy a new one since it matters that much.
@@FoxxyFire-HellFrost To me, the apology is necessary to make it clear that while her intentions were good, her actions caused harm. After that, he needs to take the next step, because although his reaction was, in my mind, understandable, to keep the rift going and continue acting hostile only makes everything worse. I think they both need to work to resolve the damage. Obviously, these are just my thoughts on the situation, based on my views and experiences, and it’s totally fine if you disagree. No anger or aggression was intended. Just sharing my thoughts.
The last story: it's a singles event and there's no guarantee that she won't bring up her boyfriend. Someone could ask about plans for a specific weekend and "That's the weekend I can see my boyfriend" can pop out. If everyone is presumed single and fringe friends start to make connections/become interested in her but then find out she isn't available like everyone else there that doesn't seem fair. If it becomes a yearly thing, what happens when someone else asks for an exception because they made an exception last time. We always say how boundaries are important and this is one of them
For the singles event story, should also consider if they allow Sarah that other friends who wanted to go but are in relationships would ask why they couldn't come too. Can't have one rule for everyone and not for the other
Last event I say not the drama. I'm married. I wouldn't attempt to join an outing for singles in general and especially not by lying by omission about my relationship status. Pretending you're single to go to a singles event while you have a relationship is weird to me. Sure it hurts to be left out, but not every event has to include every person in a friend group. She should have communicated with the group about wanting to participate despite having a partner instead of not mentioning her relationship and hoping no one would notice.
If everyone agreed that it would be an event only for singles, then the point is to have an event for singles. Its not childish to exclude someone in a relationship, it is respectful of the other participants. To invite Sarah but expect her to lie by omission is deceitful.
Personally I think for the last one the intent of the event really needs to be defined. When I hear you're going on a bar crawl, especially on Valentine's, even if it's with friends and there's trivia, I presume you're intending on hooking up. Therefore no singles. BUT if it's just to hang with your other lonely friends then she should totally come.
For the PS5 scalpers thing, it depends on if OP knew *why* he wasn’t buying it from scalpers. Like, did they think it was bc the husband(?) didn’t want to buy it bc there was a mark up so he didn’t want to spend the extra money? Or did OP know it was bc he didn’t want to support that secondary economy and not about the money itself?? If it was the former, NTA bc given the info OP had, they did a nice thing, but the partner is TA bc, while his feelings are justified, he reacted poorly with the whole silent treatment and everything. If it was the latter tho, it’s ESH (tho more OP than partner) bc OP deliberately ignored what their partner wanted but the partner still reacted poorly (tho I don’t exactly blame him for that). Whatever the case, at this point they already have it so it sitting in a closet is just taking it out of circulation, so they should do *something* with it (like just accept that there was a mistake and use it anyway, or sell it at retail price and just eat the mark up cost, or donate the markup cost and keep the PS5, or something like that). I do want to say tho, I think there’s a significant difference between buying that burger and that PS5. The problem with the PS5 isn’t the product itself but how they came to possess it, while the issue with the burger is, in fact, about how it came into being. Edit: I want to add tho, for me personally, I don’t usually eat any meat other than chicken, but I’ve had people buy me sandwiches and stuff before that does have other meat, and I usually either eat it anyway (bc I’m hungry) or I give it to someone that does eat it (so it doesn’t go to waste), but that’s a me thing lol.
We don’t do Valentines Day. We do sea creatures day we give fishy candy and go to the aquarium. It keeps you out of the must haves and expensive nonsense.
For the scalped PS5, I think it kind of sounds like OP bought it to stop her husband from being so obsessed with the notifications, and I dislike the sentiment "money buys convenience" which, while true, is a huge problem with the world. The fact that people take away access because they've been fortunate in life is drama behaviour to me.
The last few years I did a lot of soul-searching, I used to be miserable with not having a boyfriend, people around me and society always seemed to think that being in a romantic relationship is the ultimate goal in life and when I was young I was so lonely (due to emotional neglected by parents, bullying, depression, anxiety etc) and thought a boyfriend would fix me. I was so fixated on the thought of finding a boyfriend that I made myself more miserable than I would've been otherwise. In my mid-twenties I finally got a boyfriend, but that relationship was a whole can of worms.. it lasted five years and only afterwards I realized some things about myself and the relationship. One of those things is, that romantic relationships aren't everything, especially if you enter it for the wrong reasons. (in my case mistaking platonic affection and desperation for love) After the first waves of sadness and grief over the relationship had passed, I suddenly felt so much better. I like being single now (the relationship ended three years ago) and I'd rather just spend time with friends - if I had some, haha. :') Everyone is so fixated on romance - pretty much every movie or show has completely unnecessary romance subplots that add nothing to the story - that they don't realize that being with friends, feeling their love, is just as fulfilling. People are so miserable and bitter, because they think they need a partner to be happy.. bad news, if you aren't happy on your own, a partner won't fix that. Go and live your life first, do the things you want to do and in the end, a happy confident person is so much more likely to find love as well. No one wants to be with a bitter, jealous person in the long run.
To be fair, with the singles party doing a trivia night, they might be theming their team name and all that around being single. It’s still pretty immature to exclude the friend like that. I don’t think they’d necessarily be hating on couples but they might be saying “Who needs a relationship to have a good time? Woo!” so maybe OP thinks it would make things awkward to have Sarah there, but… As a friend it shouldn’t sit right to organize an event designed to combat being alone on a holiday, then leave one person stuck at home feeling miserable.
PS5 guy please just use it. She went way above and beyond to get it for you. It’s a gift. It’s a gift you really wanted. Accept appreciate and find a way to make it better by donating or helping someone somehow.
I used to be married to a gamer who was obsessed with systems. We were together for the ps2 and ps3 releases. There was a ticket system back then. In all our conversations about scalpers and ebay resellers, he never mentioned his moral compass, just that they’re jackholes for taking the systems. People assuming he went into detail about the morality behind his disdain are being obtuse. Most people don’t go into that type of detail unless asked.
I think for the reseller one, the husband is the drama a little bit. I understand his point, but it seems like OP didn't realise he felt so strongly about scalpers and he's being the drama for saying he's 'disappointed' in her and she said at the end he's barely speaking to her too.
I think I would stand my ground on the singles' night one. It is really hard, but the thing is... sometimes, I hate being single. It makes me so miserable wondering 'will I ever find someone?' and 'am I setting the bar too high?' and 'how much longer am I going to have to wait to meet the right person?' Singles Valentine's Day is for those people. Even if Sara's boyfriend is long distance - she still has one. She still has somebody that loves her and she doesn't have to go through the wondering and the hypotheticals. She has found her person. I don't hate people in relationships and I am so happy for them that they found their person - but on Valentine's Day, we're not really in the same boat.
In the US, the most common VD gifts are chocolates, stuffed animals, and jewelry. Jewelry in particular is advertised a lot here for Valentines. And there’s always a selection of Valentine plushies at every store. Not saying this are “musts”, but it’s super common and heavily advertised that these are what you give. I’m always of the mind that if there is gift giving involved, just ask what your partner wants. But definitely do not be ungrateful for what you do receive, regardless.
I kinda love valentines day BUT I don't really have anyone special this year so it's a bit different... I'm thinking about giving flowers to stranger. :)
At the place I used to work, we had a customer who brought in a big bouquet and told us all to take a flower or two home. Was a really sweet gesture that none of us expected, and we were all really touched, including the dudes. We even saved some in a cup of water in the break room for those who didn't work on V-Day itself.
I think ESH for the second story. I agree that OP could probably have figured out that her boyfriend would have bought from a scalper if he wanted to. But equally she might just have thought he didn’t have the money. Her boyfriend would be NTD if he was just upset, communicated that and didn’t use the console. But him giving her the silent treatment is what makes him the drama too. That’s not a healthy way to treat a loved one. The last story I think YTD, I feel so bad for Sara. It sounds like she’s lonely just like the rest of the people there. I used to be in a LDR and I can’t imagine my friends excluding me from a Valentine’s Day outing during that time.
For the event one, I think I need a little more information. On one hand, I think op and Jamie are being unfair to Sarah if the point of the event is just to do something fun together as an alternative to feeling/being alone, and get away from all talk of romance-- or even if the point is to go looking for dates/hookups and be each other's wingpeople (though in that case it might be a good idea for Sara to communicate about it with the bf); she could still wingwoman and hang out. But if part of the point is to commiserate... I don't think it's accurate to say that the only form of that is to make fun of people in relationships. They could be trying to comfort each other by celebrating the upsides of singledom, or they could be sharing their pain about being unattached, either one of which could easily be made awkward or even more painful by the presence of someone in a happy relationship. Is it self-indulgent? Yeah, maybe. But the event was conceived and described as being for singles only (I went back to check on the phrasing, in case it was for "those of us who are going to be alone"). It sucks that Sara is bummed and that she was looking forward to it; but she's still going to get to celebrate the occasion with a partner, though it won't be on the actual day, and they did say they'd be happy to do another one where she'd be welcome to bring the boyfriend. I appreciate that that doesn't solve her problem of not having plans on Valentine's Day. But to be honest, I'm not sure I've seen compelling evidence that Sara is considering what this event is for outside of what it could do for her.
I understand hating resellers, I do too - but like...the console has been bought. the fiance putting it in a closet isn't helping anything. What, he's going to buy another one while he has one sitting in the closet? then he's just taking one someone else could buy. It could be a conversation but he's being unreasonable about it.
Exactly my thoughts. It's not like she can return it and get the money back. He's contributing to the shortage by insisting on buying one when there's a perfectly functional console right there in his house already. Sure, have a talk about why he's upset and have her promise not to do it again- but then use the damn thing!
Hm idk about that, I do get that it feels tainted for him now. Remember that he had been trying to get the console for so long and got so worked up over it already, while that entire time he could have gone to a scalper himself. The fact he went through all that trouble to avoid scalpers says a lot, and I'm confused the partner didn't pick up on that. Then again when you're someone that doesn't care at all, I guess I can see why she never gave it much thought. Then again I do think it comes to the point of being unreasonable when he's pissed about it for several days- it was meant to be a nice gesture after all. And I'd also be thinking about solutions like Shaaba did, he could donate the money that GF paid extra to help the community out in some way so it can balance out the harm done and they can both move on happily.
Sweet baby Jose, the girlfriend in the first story lives in a world of her own imagination and expectations. She's going to crash hard when she fully enters the Real World and adult relationships (deducing by curfew she's probably a teenager).
For the gaming console one... IMO *maybe* small or no drama for the initial purchase, depending on how much they knew about his feelings on scalpers. But how OP acts now that husband explained his position decides how much of a drama they're being overall. Shaaba mentioned selling it on to someone else at regular retail price "wouldn't make sense", but IMO it's the cleanest way to help the husband feel better about things. Refusing to do it is putting OP's pride and a few hundred dollars above their partner's emotional well-being. Continuing to insist he should be grateful would absolutely be a drama move, better to accept his feelings and work with him on finding a solution. IMO though just sell the dang thing (and since he won't use it anyway it's just a very expensive brick if you keep it), eat the loss, and take the lesson to heart when planning future gifts. This way it's out of the house and not bothering anyone directly anymore, and it can make someone else happy to get a great deal. And at least SOME of the money would get recouped to spend on some other gift, without perpetuating the scalping problem more than has already been done.
The husband so against scalpers that he wont touch the PS5 has a strong moral code, but he can also be hurt bc it could seem like OP didnt listen to his anger about scalpers. Its like the thought that counts, but in reverse. You didn't think before you spent all that money, and, yea, for someone morally opposed to something, the thought wiill matter a whole lot more. He may be happy enough with an apology and some way to fix the wrong so that he could play it. I personally think he should have played it bc the wrong deed happening and it not being used is worse than the bad deed happening and it being enjoyed. But its also better to not touch it while still upset with the gift giver, bc that would be petty, so he is standing firm on his convictions, which I can respect bc it only impacts himself in this context. Id really like an update to that one.
The post is made the same day of the gift being given, so he hasn't been mad for very long. Just because OP had good intentions, it didn't make it a nice gesture and the action shows that she doesn't care what is important to her husband. If he feels so strongly about scalpers, I find it really hard to believe he has never shared that with his spouse. I would give the PS5 to charity or something and buy another on from a legitimate source. Can't imagine him ever enjoying the console like he should be able to.
@@soundlessbee Yea, that's a good idea. Or just give it to someone he knows is in need. I'd be suspicious of charities trying to make money off the PS5, during those days it was worth a whole lot and hard to find. In spirit I agree, just the likes of scalpers is what makes me suspicious of humans lol
The sneaker story: In many parts of the world its actually considered BAD LUCK or a BAD OMEN to give your partner shoes. The old adage goes that if you give them shoes they will eventually use them to walk away from the relationship.
My friend freaked out when he heard my parents bought me kitchen knives for Christmas because it means that they want to cut me out, despite the fact that I straight up asked for them
Oh interesting! I love learning a lot different cultures and beliefs. I don’t think OP or the girlfriend are concerned about bad omens though. If the girlfriend had that belief and expressed it to OP, I would understand, but saying sneakers she has been eying for months are not a nice gift is not nice. Everyone can go buy a teddy bear for Valentine’s Day, they are all over the place, but OP paid attention to what his girlfriend likes and wanted to buy something personal to her.
I also have mixed feelings about the last one. When I was in collage, I had a set of roommates were only one of us were dating anyone. The roommate in a relationship made plans for the evening with her SO, and us single peeps decided to have a singles party. We got treats and made plans to do a spa night I think? We planned to do it while the dating roommate was on her date. And I remember her getting jealous and feeling left out. Granted, if something happened to her plans, we wouldn't have excluded her. It was more of a we don't have anything to do for this evening party. Now that I'm married, if I had single friends having a party that I wasn't invited to, I wouldn't feel left out. I guess I spent much of my dating age life single, so I understand the feelings. I'd rather they have a party I'm not invited to then feel bad about the day. And if my spouse and I didn't have plans, I still wouldn't impose. I just don't like being places where I technically don't belong. I'd feel weird going to a single party now. I think it's fine for single people to have a safe place on valentines day to rant about being single, and even celebrate it. Nothing wrong with being single. Being single is a great time in your life to really figure out who you are. So I don't see the issue with celebrating it. And if you are jealous of your single friends for being single, maybe you're not ready to be in a relationship. So I guess with this thought process, the girl who still wants to be invited is in the wrong. Granted, there's a lot of missing info to really say. Like, is the relationship serious? Or just a few dates with interest? That's not being in a relationship yet. IDK I'm just ranting.
The first one is unbelievable. How entitled can anyone be? She sounds like someone to stay away from. Also, can you imagine always gettuing a giant cuddly bear for Valentine's? You will eventually need an entire house for them! ETA: Oh God, the second one, too. What is it with people? That was not inconsiderate, that was the height of consideration. And even though that made her cry, it is not the OP'S fault. And there was no reason of the single woman to berate her friend for that. So the single woman is TAH here. She can appreciate the kind gesture for what it is, even while crying.
I despise the sentiment that one can't feel sorry for oneself with fellow people in the same situation. I have friend group from therapy where we all have bipolar disease. The few times we hang out, I don't want people there who doesn't and don't know the hardships one goes through as bipolar. As a single person on valentines for many years, it sucks and hurts to be alone in a society that focuses more on couples. Sara in this last story can be with her boyfriend on the phone/webcam etc. The singles do not have that option. Let people feel sorry for themselves for one night, it's not childish, it's healthy. People need to feel sorry for themselves sometimes, let them ❤️
I think the second one, no one is the drama. OP didnt do anything wrong, but you cant expect a freshly broken up person to just shift valentines day to a friendship day. Maybe she could have asked ahead of time? I do default that its inconsiderate, bc not all people approach valentines day without an ex the same way, but OP's heart was in the right place so they are a good friend and person for trying. Even if valentines day can be a friendship day, it's culturally coded as a romantic day, romantic people will default to love of a romantic partner.
The last one about the singles event, I wonder on the relationship status of the people saying YTA and NTA. I wouldn't be surprised if some chronically single people might feel some type of way spending time with a person who was in a relationship even if alone on the actual day, for this particular event. Some people really struggle to find relationships, and might want to have a little bit of a pity party for themselves, and someone in a relationship, even if alone on the actual day isn't really in the same position. Also, even though that person may demonstrably have been able to keep the relationship quiet for a time, it's out now, and I can see how single people might be concerned that a person in a new relationship may want to talk about the relationship, or even just bring up something about their person casually (and not relationship-y) but also in a way that is not welcome at a singles event.
The one about a singles night seems like something that should not be a big deal. Unless this was a "singles event" in that you're searching for partners OR she was bringing the partner/talking about them, I would personally not care at all. Especially given the circumstances. It's a new relationship, they're long distance, she said she wouldn't bring them or talk about them, she's your friend, and she's lonely too! It just seems to me if they were my friend, them not being lonely on Valentine's is way more important than some silly event. Like... I'm 30 years old. I have better things to worry about than protecting the sanctity of my singles night. Like making my friends happy. Just doesn't seem that deep or complicated. I love my friends dearly. I don't want them to feel sad. Simple.
I’m aromantic and I used to find Valentine’s Day very annoying, but now I just use it as an excuse to send notes to friends and family members telling them how much I care about them. I can’t imagine excluding any of them just because they have a romantic partner. So I think the last one is definitely the drama and I hope the person with the long-distance boyfriend finds some better friends
Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. My favorite color is also pink, which is also the name I go by online now. lol I read and write basically exclusively queer romance. People generally look confused when I tell them Valentine's is my favorite holiday, or how excited I get on it, because I 500% do not want to have a relationship myself. I'm not aro or ace. People are just annoying and I like having control over my time and space. But I love the love of fictional people. XD Shopper's Drug Mart also had the CUTEST, fat axolotl. And it is now MY cutest, fat axolotl.
I love Valentine's Day for similar reasons! I do want to be in a relationship- or rather, in previous years I had wanted to be in one, then I was for several years and now I'm still kinda getting over it- but somehow the holiday doesn't make me feel bad even with that being the case. I just love pink and hearts and also tend to use it to think about and/or make art about my favorite fictional couples!
#1 is so weird! For one thing...can you imagine how packed your house would get if you got a stuffed animal (especially a human-sized one) EVERY Valentines' day?!! At least with flowers and chocolate (which I'd have thought were the "expected" gift as much as there is one) the flowers eventually die and you can eat the chocolate.
The PS5 one is actually one of the few of these where I understand both sides (most times OP is either: trying to convince you that they're right when they're not - OR- they're a genuinely sweet person who gets taken advantage of that is trying to figure out if they're being gaslighted because they can't tell (yes, obvi, there are other categories, but be honest, those are the main 2)). I get the husband not wanting to play it after all of the trouble he went through AVOIDING scammers when that option was always available to him. I also understand the wife caring enough that her significant other wanted something so much that she didn't care about the cost. It's not often in these AITA posts that both people ACTUALLY had good intentions. Can admit that while I'd never buy from a scammer, my morals are not bulletproof enough to not play one already in my posession. I think this is a case where they need a good discussion about why they both did what they did and then work out a compromise, for once they aren't unreasonable people, just misguided, very rare in these.
I think the last one, with the singles pub crawl has "ulterior," motives. IF, it was really about friends just hanging out and having fun there'd be no issue with ONE partnered person coming (whose partner won't be there and they promised not to discuss). This screams we're trying to have a guilt free hook up/swinger/open night amongst friends. If she comes it'll be awkward because she won't hook up with anyone and we'll see each other. Whereas everyone else that does hook up will keep it on the DL. I've had some gay (male) friends do this on Valentine's day. It was a singles night, but it was really "an excuse" for them to hook up for one night and then go back to being friends sans benefits the rest of the time.
Story 1 and Story 2 is why I changed the way I looked at Valentines. My ex apologized on our first Valentines because all he got me was roses, chocolates, and a gift card to my favorite store. He apologized that it wasn't more. I was like, dude this is more than I've ever got. So people need to stop pressuring their partners to uphold these ridiculous capitalistic standards of Valentines. Around this time I realized guys liked any thoughtful gift, but girls understood the effort behind the gift. Making my boyfriend his favorite dessert - thanks, babe. Making my best friend her favorite dessert - ohmygod, you spent so much time on this; thank you; you're so sweet!
Traditional gifts should never be prescriptive. The shoes are more thoughtful than a stuffed animal or generic jewelry bc it's something he specifically chose based on her interests.
the second story is so funny to me as a Finnish person because in Finland Valentine's Day is more about friends than lovers anyway. it's even called 'ystävänpäivä', which literally translates to 'friend's day'
For the Playstation story I will argue that the damage is done. You could argue that OP could have inferred their husband's ethical concerns, but I can't fault someone for not thinking about the ethics of consumption. Or for not reading their partner's mind. Sure, shame on OP, and now they know, but their action wasn't out of malice, just ignorance. Play the PS5. OP can't get their money back. It's already done and you've freed a unit for someone else.
I had the boycotting problem with my husband. See. I LOOOOOVE Harry Potter, I have all the audiobooks, and listen to them more or less on loop since they came out on tape. Still have them even though I now listen to the mp3 , which I also physically own. For reasons known I haven't bought HP-stuff in a long time, also not planning to do so ever again. My husband however doesn't get that. It does not make it into his long time memory. And every time he gets me something HP-related and I don't really like it, he's sad.
Oof same with me and my brother/SIL. I still appreciate that they're picking something they think I'll like, and I do like it, I just have some guilt about it.
The cookie story is why I hate the social convention that the word love is reserved for romance and kin. My best friend and I regularly tell one another that we love each other.
When I was younger I've been vegan for many years. For our first Valentine's day, my then bf, gave me a figurine of a furry bunny. It was cute, and I loved it at first. When I looked at it more closely, I noticed that there was a label underneath that said "real fur". I tried to hide my feelings because I didn't want to hurt him, but he must have noticed that I wasn't comfortable because he got rid of it without telling me. Some time later I told him I couldn't find it anywhere, and he confessed what he's done. He said he knew I was only keeping it for him but that I really hated it and so he's done what I secretary wanted to do but couldn't. That was very thoughtful, and I loved him more for that.
i lowkey think personal valentines gifts (like the sneakers OP knows his gf really really wants) are much sweeter and more romantic because it’s more personal. it means the person went out of their way and had to plan in advance and really think about the gift, rather than just walking down the valentine’s day aisle at the grocery store. the generic gifts are nice, but a more personal gift that shows your partner cares about you and has been listening to your wants and interests is better imo. i def wouldn’t get upset at either gift (cuz it’s still a gift, your partner went out of their way to do something nice for you and thought of you), but i think it’s especially weird to get mad at a less generic gift that shows they really listen to you and know you. what i’ve always done for valentine’s day is get a personal gift (like the sneakers in this post), a box of chocolates/candy, and a small stuffed animal cuz you get the best of all worlds, but OP was def NTA at all, his gf sounds kinda bratty and entitled ngl.
For the PS5 I'm torn between "more info needed" and "NTD". Did OP *know* that their husband had that strong opinion? If so, and OP chose to do it knowingly regardless, it might be reasonable for their husband to be so confused and upset. However, if they didn't (or if they made a genuine mistake in not noticing it was important for their husband), they're NTD. I agree with you that the husband has an admirable moral compass. However, his reaction is immature and causing further, unnecessary hurt. He has to grieve his upset. Edit: I just saw that INFO reply. I'm still a bit torn, I feel like that's not a clear enough response. OP may have made the wrong assumption, which is upsetting and annoying, but not something they did on purpose. Regardless my conclusion is that I understand the husband's frustration, but he's dealing with it very immaturely.
As an Australian aroacespec who's never had a partner I've never really cared much for Valentine's Day though that also might be tied to the fact my mother was always in the camp of "Why do you need a specific holiday to express love for someone? It'd mean more if it was done just because the person wanted to do it rather than because there's a societal expectation to do it based to the date. It's also just a huge money grab where stores get to sell expensive chocolate, jewellery and soft toys."
Omg. The only “wrong” gifts I can think off the top of my head for valentines (or most occasions: - something you want that you’re pawning as a gift for them - something you outright know they don’t even like or want (this includes v-day gifts like lingerie etc) - offering a “do a chore” or “watch the kids” coupon or something where you really should be splitting that anyways. -
I may be perpetually and chronically single but I do still love Valentine's Day. I just always love celebrating love and happiness and with the world being as depressing as it is right now Valentine's Day is one of those little beacons of light you can cling on to
I am no gamer but my partner is. I am mostly clueluess to those things. If I knew he was waiting for a PS5 or sth similar and I found one online I would ask him "Babe, why don't you just get this one?" And then he would explain scalpers to me. I would never just buy sth I am not in the loop about.
I'm a florist, so valentine's day means working overtime for me. As a gift my husband makes it so, that I don't have to do anything at home that day. He takes the day off, brings the kids to daycare, tidies and cleans as much of the flat as he can, takes the kids home from daycare, orders my favorite food and gives me his card in the morning, so I can get myself whatever snack or drink I want as a pick me up after work. When I get home from work, we eat and cuddle up with the kids.
I agree that scalpers are awful and OP should probably have known better. However now that the play station is bought, you might as well use it. I liked Shaaba's idea of donating to charity or donating the old play station.
The lady who thinks a Valentine's gift has to be jewelry or plushies is expressing her own opinion, not a rule. OP did awesome. I suspect his lady may be the toxic type who is always looking for a way to make her partner constantly jump through hoops.
Second story is so sad. Platonic love is real and it's so shitty to assume your friend telling you they love you and giving you a gift to show it is them trying to rub their relationship in their face. In college my roomies (my best friends at the time) and i would always do a wine, donuts, and romcom night for Valentine's every year since none of us dated. And I always loved that when i was little my dad would buy me chocolate and flowers for Valentine's when he was getting my mom's. Always made me feel very loved and i also really liked getting to be like my momma 🥰
OP has the right idea in story 1 and if she had other ideas, she should’ve communicated that. The fact that she loves the sneakers, but they don’t count as a valentine’s gift, wants a bear, but won’t let OP return the shoes for the bear or jewelry or something My only issue with shoes as a gift is that I grew up on this saying that was something like giving shoes means someone will run from you lol
Single bar crawl, OP is not the drama. Sara is gonna celebrate valentines day with her bf, and the friends said they could do another bar trivia thing later that would include her and her boyfriend, she just doesnt get to celebrate it on the 14th Which really shouldn't matter, bc its not like workplaces give paid holidays on valentines day, so she would have the same availability as the others. Like there is nothing to loose. The singles thing makes sense bc OP is single and wasnt single before. It just kinda selfish of OP, and she's being a brat about it. This is her chance to integrate her boyfriend into her friend group, not a good start. Shes literally being offered more opportunities to celebrate and shes mad she cant have the 14th. I dont get this, does valentines day have less fervor on days other than the 14th of February?
My take on Valentine's day is, if you're single, do something extra nice for yourself! If you have pets, do something extra nice for them. If you have a partner, take their preferences/needs/wants into consideration. My Valentine's day gift to my partner is to let him have the day off to himself so he can play games, sleep or whatever he so chooses to do. My Valentine's day gift to myself is not hanging out with my toxic friends for our usually scheduled laundry day that happened to fall on the 14th this year 😁 My gift to my cat is to give him some extra love and treats and cuddle time for the day 😸🥰
My father usually buys my mother jewelry for valentine's day because that's what she likes, not because it's "tradition" or whatever. They're both loves meaningful gifts. He once bought her things for her bike for Christmas and she was happy. Meaningful gifts are better that gifts dictated by "tradition" in my mind.
For the last story, I agree that it really depends on the vibe/intent of the event. I doubt it's a 'hating on couples' thing, but if it's like many singles events where the intent is for available people to get together to potentially meet/hook up, being in a relationship she wouldn't fit in and it might get uncomfortable for all involved. BUT, if it's just friends getting together to celebrate friendship, leaving a friend out to stay home alone makes them the drama.
I think that with the PS5 situation, the budgeting factor should be considered. I read the situation as OP saw SO being budget conscious with the PS5 purchase, decided to splurge for a holiday/gift, was blissfully unaware of the broader moral context around the scalping. We can ask why OP thought SO hadn't bought a PS5 from a reseller by then, and I fully expect OP answer would be budgetary (which if it weren't for the context would absolutely be good motivation for a thoughtful gift).
For the PS5 one: Once it was purchased, it creates a lot more waste to purchase another one again. If she knew his thoughts on the topic, no she shouldn’t have bought a resold console but to buy another one also adds to issues of sustainability especially when it comes to tech waste and also overconsumption. I get both of their points of view in the situation, but to refuse to use the console doesn’t harm or benefit the scalper at all, they already got their money. It only harms the husband who is now refusing to use it and putting a wedge into the relationship when she was trying to do something thoughtful
OP who bought PS5 is an A. First, she absolutely did not respect the important principles of her partner. It's not all about the money. And then she put him in a position like "oh, I wanted to do something good and you should be grateful." For example, it is very important for me to be ethical and sustainable in my consumption - I don't buy fast fashion and I try not to buy new clothes, I try to minimize plastic, I do research on the products I use, etc. It can take a long time and sometimes it takes longer to find clothes, which I want. And if someone (especially my partner) brought me a brand new piece of clothing that I was looking for from some fast fashion chain, I would also be angry. I can afford it, I just don't want to support it
1: run, you're not appreciated like you should be. 2: you did a super sweet thing! I understand why it made the friend sad, that FEELING is valid, but friend IS the drama for calling OP inconsiderate, boss is next level drama for inserting themselves and calling OP cruel! 3: YTD for having heard your partner talking about scalpers and still getting him something from one. 4: I truly can't make a judgement here. I see both sides so well, I can't pick one.
My petty ass would take back the sneakers (which are probably fairly expensive) and return them and buy a cheaper generic stuffed bear to give her. "You said sneakers weren't a Valentine's gift and that cuddly toys were. Here you go." ETA: And, honestly same goes for the PS5 story. If he's gonna ignore the gift, I would resell it (morally at the retail price and lose money) and he can get his own system.
Regarding the cookies story: in my language, Valentine's day is called Friend's day and it is very common to gift your friends heart-shaped cookies, cards, flowers etc. So it is all about what Shaaba explained it could be 🥰 (Although yes, recently it has become way more like Valentine's in the west.)
as someone who doesn’t know much about gaming systems and just learned about scalpers, i’m honestly shocked at the reactions to the playstation post. if i bought a terribly expensive gift to my partner that i knew he wanted, and he then accused me of being part of some fucked up capitalist system, refused to use it and behaved like a child instead of thanking me and explaining to me why it’s better not buying from scalpers, i would be royally pissed. now that OP knows they won’t do it again, but throwing them under the bus as though they’re a scalper themselves is astounding to me😵💫😵💫
I agree with what you were saying with the PS5 thing. if the husband isn't gonna use it and selling it makes you also a scalper then donate the price difference to charity and then donate the PS5 to like a youth group or something. my flat I live in is owned by the YMCA and they are youth campuses with loads of young people and like they would get a lot of usage out of something like that and like they are kind of a charity so donate the PS5 to somewhere like that where it is still gonna get lots of usage.
For the singles one, I would imagine that it's a bit of a meet up for people who might want to mingle too, which if she's in a relationship then that messes with the vibe. I don't know, people are allowed to have spaces just for them.
10:18 I’m literally Pikachu shocked face! 10:30 even more confused now! What do they mean OP inconsiderate and rubbing their love in OPs face. TF just happened?!
If someone had baked me biscuits on the Valentine's Day around the time I'd been going through a serious breakup, I would have cried. Partially because I was crying all the time anyway, but partially because I would have just been so touched by the gesture and because I've never had a friend like that. I instead spent that Valentine's Day running around trying to help other people (the kind of people that continually take advantage of you and you keep trying to help them even though they can't really be helped because they won't help themselves) and ignoring my own heartbreak in order to do so, and then buying myself an ice cream. I _wish_ I had the kind of friend that would do this.
