my parents are using me for my money r/AITA 

I can understand wanting to have one photo with you, your mom, and your dad. Placed on opposite sides, no need for any love to be expressed towards each other, but the symbol of both of the parents who are tied to you by blood (and the ones who can't leave you, might be the unspoken thing especially with multiple marriages on one side) supporting you, might be what they need. Not that they want to look like a happy family, but like they are important enough for the parents to take the photo because it's important to OP.

It meant alot to me as a child of divorced parents to have a pic of both parents with me when I graduated. Both sides of my extended family weaponised the time each parent spent with me, I wanted one memory that I didn't have to defend why only my mum or dad were present

For the first story, the dad is in the wrong. If you go snooping on a 16 year old's laptop, you might see things you didn't want to see. It's not wrong for her to want the photos, and it wasn't even her idea, she was letting her friend practice as a favour. I can see why the dad is hurt. It would be wrong for her to try to put pictures like that up on the mantlepiece where the dad has to look at them, but having them on her private computer is fine. She's allowed to have her own feelings about the divorce and her own posessions of sentimental value. Her feelings about the divorce are different to her dad's and her dad finds that emotionally difficult, but she wasn't pushing it on him to hurt him. NTA

I am struggling with the "fake family" charaterization about the parents and OP photo. What is fake about it? They are literally the OP's parents. Unless there is a current risk of harm to someone by them being in the same room, I don't see why OP can't have one photo with just their parents. Why is everyone's feelings so hurt that they want that?

I understand OP in story one. It's actually really painful when you see other people with photos of their parents supporting them & smiling (no matter their marital status) & your parents can't put their own sh*t aside for five seconds to showcase their love & support for you. It's basically a statement that they hate each other more than they love you. It's not asking them to pretend their together or even say anything to each other, all they have to do is stand next to their child & smile, but they can't even manage that. Wanting just one singular photo that shows both your parents being loving & supportive of you is really not a huge ask; unless there was abuse, in which case I'd assume they wouldn't even be at the same event.

As someone with divorced parents, the one recent picture of me, my mom, my dad, and my brother at his graduation is honestly one I will treasure forever. They had forgiven each other and whatnot by then, there was no animosity towards each other, etc. My dad passed away a couple years ago so I'll never get a wedding picture with both my parents and that's the closest thing I qill ever have. I do not believe OP is an asshole for wanting a picture like that, nor do I think using photoshop was wrong since OP got their picture without the uncomfortability of having to actually have just the two parents in the photo. As long as they weren't shared and were just for OP, I really don't see how it's bad 😕

1. I can say as a 33 year old of divorced parents that I would love a picture with just my parents during my wedding next year. It is a huge occasion in my life and I would definitely display the whole family, step family included, I would love to have one of just them and me. It sounds like OP asked, they said no and OP respected that it would make them uncomfortable. There is not wrong with having a secret photo, just for OP that would bring her happiness. Italso sounds like the step mother does not respect OPs opinions or boundaries... I've had 3 step fathers and 2 step mothers, but only 1 constant mom and dad, that's important too.

it can feel nice to see your parents come together for once to take a picture just for you, especially since they aren't both around all the time. it can make you feel special and loved just at the cost of one picture

As someone with divorced parents who I know would never be happy together it’s not about the family photo. Especially cause they’re willing to do photos with each other so long as it includes their spouses. It’s more about the people who at one point loved the idea of you enough to bring you into the world standing with you more than it is about the perfect family photo. I treasure the times when both my parents a) both can show up to milestone events and b) take a photo with me together because I want them to. EDIT: also op is keeping the originals so like no harm done? It’s essentially just more photos and it doesn’t seem like they don’t want the ones with everyone, just that they’d ALSO like the ones with the two parents.

At any family celebration or occasion my family makes photos in ALL possible combinations. This means marriages together, siblings together, cousins together, parents with children together, one parent with all of their children etc. That's why I think it's INSANE that OP's parents wouldn't want to have a photo with their only mutual biological child. Yes, they are all a patchwork family now, but there are still inside combinations in that big family and there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that. They're no longer each other's spouses, but they will always remain their child's only parents. I don't see it as OP wanting to have a 'fake' family on her photos. My godfather and my godmother don't really like each other, and they still posed with me together because both are my godparents! I don't think they faked anything while doing so, they weren't posing as best friends, they were posing as my godparents.

1. I think it bothers OP that their bio parents are trying to act like they were never together. Op's bio parents were in a relationship at one point, and all three of them (OP and their bio parents) were a family. I think OP just wants to have a memento of that time to cherish. Call it a "fantasy" if you want.

My parents are still married so I don't know divorce life, but I can imagine OP, 16, always feeling like the odd one out of both families, wanting a family picture of mom and dad and op. OP reads to me as someone who feels like they don't belong in their family

Usually I'm on board with your takes, Shaaba, but hard disagree on story 1. This kid is 16 and asking for their parents to be uncomfortable for the max 2 minutes it takes to pose for a photo together and affirm they can totally set aside their differences for a few shutter clicks and literally center their kid's wishes above their own on an important occasion that is centered around them. That's their parents job, its their responsibility to this little person they made.

I can't think of any reason why the 16yo would be TA. Not for wanting the photo and not for having the photoshoped version of it. She wants a picture with only her and the two people who love her most in the world. As a parent I cannot imagine denying my kids this. And if the hate between me and my partner would be so big that I could not put myself close enough to them to make the picture, the photoshoped version would sound like a great solution for me. What if she drew a picture of her with her parents? Or she made a collage? Is this any different? And she did not even put them anywhere it would have been reasonable to assume someone who might have been hurt by them should even have seen them. Even if she did she would not be TA imo though.

4:20 shaaba OP wanting the two most important people in his life that he’s known since birth in a photo with just him is completely fine. Especially because he’s 16! He is including his step parents and siblings in some photos so what’s the harm in just him and his biological parents. For some step children they don’t see their parents partners as their parents. I knew a girl like that who lived with her mother and step father but didn’t really see the step father as a parent going as far as to refuse adoption from him. Maybe op feels that way?

I think a lot of parents don’t realise that they choose their families, but their children don’t. As a parent, when you get into a relationship with someone, YOU chose this person because you love them and you want them to be your family. Your child didn’t chose this person and you can’t force them to view them as their family. And for a stepparent, you chose to be in a relationship with someone who has a child and you chose to accept that child as a part of your family - that child didn’t choose you. And OP’s biological parents chose to divorce. They chose not to be each other’s family anymore. OP didn’t choose that. Children don’t have the same choice in their families, especially blended families, as parents do and I think a lot of parents forget that. Family is something that happens to a child, not something they actively choose like their parents do. I think it’s totally natural that OP would want a photo of the family they came from and that they feel they’re a part of. That doesn’t mean they don’t love their stepparents and stepsiblings, but they want to acknowledge and feel connected to their origins and roots. OP’s parents may not see each other as family anymore, but to OP they are still their family. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want that photo and to want to feel belonging. However, I do understand that it’s uncomfortable for the parents. OP can’t force them to take that photo if they’re not comfortable with it. I don’t think the parents are TA for not wanting to take a photo like that together, because to them they don’t see that unit as a family anymore, even though OP does. But I do think the parents are TA for not talking to their child about why this is so important to them and for treating OP so harshly when they found the photo that OP was keeping private.

Weighing in on the first one as someone with separated parents that has siblings from the respective step parent and parent on both sides. OPs siblings get to live in a house with both of their parents who are in happy marriages, whilst OP does not. OP is torn in a way that the others aren't, in that they do not get to see both of their parents and have both of their parents in one home. This can feel SUPER isolating when you're the only one in this situation and maybe they just want a picture of both of their parents to have something tangible that represents their connection? My parents don't necessarily get along, but they can coexist peacefully and have come together at events and such for my sake many times in the past.

I really don't see what the big deal with the first one is. Like she doesn't sound like she's fantasysing that her parents are back together or dislikes the rest of her family. She just wants ONE photo with both her biological parents in it. I totally get that, its a nice memento to have. I actually think her parents are the assholes for refusing to stand with her in a picture for one minute. They don't have to act lovey towards each other but show their love for their child.

About the photoshop one, I do think the new family was "forced on OP" in the sense that they force themselves onto pictures. It's one thing to accept that, of course, your parent can fall in love and have a new life, but if you read carefully: "they say no to getting into photos without their spouses". Not only won't both parents pose together - which, fair, that can be uncomfortable - but they won't even pose alone with OP, and will insist on bringing in the stepparent. OP might be asking a bit too much to have *both* their bio parents pose together as if they were still a couple or something, but they shouldn't be denied a photo with either of their bio-parents alone, without new spouses insisting on being included on every single pic.

That 16 year old seems to be still grieving having both their parents as their family. I see their need for this photo in the same way people want photoshopped pictures with a deceased parent to help with the grief. Op seems to be heartbroken/traumatized by never having a stable nuclear family. If a picture helps them cope, where is the harm? I wish the adults would be more mature about this. They should help op cope instead of shaming them and putting their spouses feelings over op‘s mental health.

Story #1: before I get too far in, my parents had a HORRIBLE marriage. I begged them to get divorced when I was 10 and probably other times. They finally divorced when I was 19, after I was out of the house and away from the horrible fighting and silent treatments. Then, I got married at 21, and I got a picture of me with my parents, one on either side. I'm glad I have that photo and that they didn't decline. But, it is also a little odd having it after knowing how awful they were together...but I'm still a result of them being together so part of me is still glad I have that photo.

I think with the first story, the reason that the op is so hung up on the idea of having a picture with their mother and father all together is they want this confirmation that at least at some point there was love there and that it's kind of a validating thing for their existence, because right now they probably feel like their birth was a mistake in much the way that the marriage between their bio parents was probably framed, based on the volatility that still seems to exist in all of those dynamics snooping and then all of the parents' reactions

With the first 1, it’s like they say about eavesdroppers “Eavesdroppers hear no good of themselves”. Dad should not have been snooping in the bedroom

I had never considered the scenario of my dad and mom in a photo together since their separation, but he was abusive and I would never consider asking her to do anything that. In the absence of abuse, I could see myself wanting a photo of me with them on either side of me. It would probably bother me a lot if they refused to do so when otherwise capable of polite interaction.

My parents split while I was in college, so it's definitely different. But at my wedding, I wanted pics with just them. And I absolutely got them. They stood apart around me and around my husband and smiled and made awkward small talk and it was fine because they were adults. I also got one with my stepmom and dad and mom. And each of them separately. I can absolutely see why they want it and I don't understand why they need to explain. They want to see themselves with their parents. They aren't seeking them to get back together, or wanting to disrespect their other families - I think the adults are being ridiculous. At a special event for the OP? Just stand there and smile. It's one photo. If they refused to ever acknowledge the stepfamilies or whatever, that's different.

I’m 16, and my parents aren’t divorced but I have a few friends with divorced parents. I understand where OP is coming from because I think there’s a need to fit in and seem as normal as possible as a family. Having all of your family photos with 4 parental figures means that whenever you look back on those milestones you’re reminded of their divorce, rather than you birthday or graduation or whatever it is. and a lot of kids don’t have the same parental connection to step parents, and feel resentful towards them so they don’t want to share all their milestones with these “intruders” into their life. It also depends on how much OP knows about the nature of the divorce, ie how difficult it is for both parents to be alone together or do something like a photo, OP might think its just a simple photo but it’s a much bigger issue for the parents

For the first story about the parent picture, I agree with the comments that OP is NTA. As a mother and father who brought this child into this world, they will always be connected. All that child wants is a picture together with their bio parents. It’s not about “a fairytale family lie”, but 2 people that OP holds dear in just 1 photo together for a special occasion. OP just wanted their parents to love their child enough to do take one picture together. Bc there are PLENTY of divorced parents that do that as well because it’s not about them, it’s about their children. You said “the family wasn’t forced on her” but for a stepmom to say that SHE is just as important to OP sounds like that??? I like seeing others side of the story, but I don’t really get your conclusion.

Having a picture with the two people who made you is not unreasonable. It is the very least they could do for OP since it was their decision to make them, not OP's decision to be born into this mess. I can totally understand why OP would want this and if they have to photo shop it to get it, I think they should do it and have the photo they want. OP is NOT creating a "false narrative", these ARE the two people who made this person and that person deserves a picture of themselves and their parents.

Child of divorce here 🙋‍♂️ My parents have been awesome to put their own differences aside for a moment to let me have photos with both of them (without partners) at important milestones. I have two amazing photos with them at my wall: one at my graduation and one with my newborn baby (They is now 11). Those pictures mean alot for me but especially for my kiddo who never met "grandma and grandpa", just grandma and grandpa with B. We also have pictures with all of the family but those two pictures are special. NTA according to me!

For the first story: OP doesn't want them to get back together. She's upset that she's forced to treat her stepparents as parents when she doesn't feel that way about them. She wants pictures with just the people she's accepted as her parents. Because her parents refuse to take any pictures without their spouses. And while yes they have a right to remarry, They are trying to make op treat the people they married in ways she's uncomfortable with. And her pushing back is manifesting in wanting pictures with just those she sees as family.

i feel like the parents could stand on either side of their bio kid, as a "i'm proud of my kid" moment. the parents don't need to talk or even acknowledge each other to show that they still love their kid even tho they're no longer together.

I think for the 1st story your lived experience is weighing too deeply here. It seems to me like they just want an opportunity to have a photo of their biological family. They're not vetoing any other versions of their family, but want to have one picture of this one configuration, for themselves. The hints I am picking up on from is that they feel like outsiders in dad and stepmom's family, and just want a photo of where they imagine they would fully fit. I don't think the photo will solve these problems, but I also think allowing OP to have one photo that meets their wants as the only child from these two seems like a pretty small ask.

Story 1: NTA. She asked her friend to make her a picture of a fantasy, and she kept it to herself, on her own turf, and deliberately did not inflict it on anyone who had differing views. Not only did her father nose into her private business, but then he immediately got butthurt instead of trying to think of things from his daughter's POV, and not only all that but then he blabbed to everyone else to spread the pain! She's 16. She is a child who is working through her issues with family dysfunction, and just because 5 years is enough for some does not mean it's enough for others. She did something *privately* for herself, and it was directly the intrusion of others that resulted in anyone feeling hurt. If she goes to therapy, her therapist would NOT tell her parents if she vocalized a fantasy life or a situation that made her feel some kind of way, and it would be actually against the law for that therapist to tell her parents because *that is counterproductive to working through issues*. Her trying to work through things on her own is not automatically of less value than her seeking therapy; she may not have thought of therapy, they may not be insured or be able to afford it, her family may not believe in therapy, lots of potential reasons she's working through these things on her own. But she is attempting to, and it's about *her*, and *her alone*. Her father barged in and made it about him and others and they are actively putting stress on her, which will make whatever issue she was working on a lot more complicated and just basically does NOT help. She is 1000% NTA here. She used the maximum privacy she has access to, which is limited for children due to circumstance and lack of knowledge/experience, and it's not her fault that her father snooped into what is for all intents and purposes her private thoughts and then started a gang-shaming of them.

Hard disagree on the first story. It’s very normal to want photos with different subgroups of your family, especially if they are your OG parents. It’s not about the parents liking each other, it’s about the parents both liking their kid at the same time. The parents don’t have to touch or anything. They are already comfortable taking photos together, they just want their spouses and other kids. But OP deserves occasional photos where they are the center of attention, especially for their birthdays or graduation. And even if the parents are too uncomfortable standing together, using photoshop to highlight only OP and their OG parents is a way to accomplish creating a subgroup photo without having the parents stand for an awkward photo. OP never says that they don’t like or want group photos, they just want both. I see it as wanting something for yourself to have, and nothing else.

With the air bnb one, I totally get it. If there’s a shared bathroom then there will be times when you are in pyjamas or what not in front of your boss, it would feel weird. Or you have to get dressed first thing in the morning before you leave your room. It makes things awkward and I would be overthinking like crazy. It would be hard to keep that professional vibe.

As someone who is looking at a future divorced from their spouse (amicably, she came out as a trans woman 5 years into our marriage and I found I'm too heterosexual to stay married to a woman), I cannot imagine for a second denying either of our children pictures with both of their biological parents in the same photo. Regardless of future partners, step-parents, etc, we will always be a family- we brought these two children into the world from a loving marriage and they should know they will always have out love, regardless of the configuration of our family now. The OP from the first story is definitely NTA in my books.

1. I think you’re forgetting how young sixteen can be, it may be selfish, but I think that’s totally okay, it’s okay to just want your parents, many people who have their parents together have just them and their parents. (In pictures)

S1: As a child of divorce, I totally understand OP. Sometimes you just want your parents to put aside their dislike for each other, and support you. Kids want one-on-one time with parents without their siblings; it's how it is. It doesn't stop because they've divorced. There's no reason they should feel bad for wanting a photo with just their parents (especially if they aren't close with their step parents). If it was a special occasion, say a wedding, no one would object. Why is it strange on an ordinary basis? Also, the stepmother is approaching this incorrectly - she married into a family, so she is OBLIGATED to include OP. She would be a crappy step parent if she excluded them, as that's what they signed up for... OP had no say in the matter. OP, however, was part of a family that pre-existed her, so they do not need to include the stepmom in those moments. Just like how OP would not likely be involved in events with stepmom's kid's paternal family if they had been born to a different man. Forcing her way into OP's life is going to backfire in a dramatic way. PS: Shaba, please listen- kids don't have to always perceive and bend to their parents emotions! A momentary discomfort (how silly that they'd treat it as such!) to make your child feel secure and loved is not a huge sacrifice. If their marriages are threatened by taking an entirely platonic photo with their shared child, they need couples counseling. This is not OP's burden to bear!

as a child of divorce i think it makes perfect sense why she would want a picture with both parents. it just feels good having a picture with you and the 2 most important people in your life all together. but even if its not rational, i think its perfectly fine to just have the photoshopped picture if youre not going to do anything with it. i think its wrong to automatically assume they would post it and whats wrong with having it just for your own peace of mind?

My situation is very different from the first OP, but I can definitely relate to them. My dad died when I was fairly young and my mom remarried when I was 11/12. My family is Chinese and my step family is an upper-middle class White family that grew up in the Midwest. While I never had to live with my mom and step-dad, I noticed so many weird dynamics in this relationship. My step sister hated my mom so they spread a "bad reputation" about my mom to step family members. Of course they sided with the step-daughter who they've seen grow up and know for 15+ years. Stepdad never stood up for my mom. We were expected to go to all day (sometimes multiple day) Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings, but no one ever texted my family Happy Chinese New Year. When mom and SD were dating, SD tried to learn Chinese; after getting married, the only time SD talked about Chinese to other people was to make a joke about how he only remembers how to say wine and vodka in Chinese (excuse me, my family's language should not be just a joke?!). Etc., etc. There's so much more (they're now divorced anyways). I just wanted to share my personal experience because not all step families try to be accommodating or want to become "one big happy family". Personally, I preferred that my family was family, and that there's a separate step-family. Step family never tried to connect with my culture, I could never connect with theirs or get the time to know them, or ever be as close to step family as they are to each other (I understand this goes both ways and that maybe I also didn't try hard enough to accept my step family, but that's beyond the point of this comment). In all my life milestones, I always take photos with just my family and then photos that included SD or step family. Maybe OP just wanted a photo with the parents that they connected most with (of course parents have a right to say no). Especially since the OP is only 16, I think it's reasonable that they would want this. Again, we don't know OP's dynamics with the step families. Also, if it's just a photo for themselves I don't see the harm in having it as a keepsakes (just for themselves of course, not posting it online for everyone to see). Hopefully, OP eventually matures and no longer needs the keepsake. I secretly keep a photo of my dad despite knowing that talking about my dad makes my mom sad.

I had pictures of my mom & dad after their divorce with me. They stood on either side of me. They weren’t together, but they were both with me. It was very special & understand why OP might want a pic with their parents. There were other pics with step parents as well. I think it’s weird that some think it’s weird.

My parents divorced when I was 16, so I have a lot of photos with just the three of us together from before that. I also have photos of just the three of us throughout the time after because my mom has never remarried and my dad only did so after I graduated college. I think the way I feel about that first one might be different due to the age I was when my parents separated, and also when my dad remarried. I love my step-mother, but I have never really had the mother daughter relationship with her that I have with my mom because of the age I was when she and my dad started dating. I was basically already an adult. I don't really think of her as a parent to me, but rather as someone who I care about who makes my dad happy. My parents had an amicable divorce, so they haven't objected to taking pictures just the three of us, and to me, those photos are for me and represent the people I think of as parents. I also have photos with my step-mother and everyone else, but I don't think of her as a parent so those photos feel different to me.

I think I can understand the first one. The picture would be about OP and the people who created and raised them. It's not about the parents' relationship with each other, it's about their relationship with the kid.

As with so many others in this comment section, I too have divorced parents. I'm a geown adult now and open my mind to the fact that my parents deserve to find love and have more children. But, they also need to remember that I'm their child. I feel a lot of isolation and jealousy when it comes to the extended family. I get treated as the odd one out and don't get to have the same things as the extended spouces and siblings get. I too wemt through the phase of just wanted a picture with my bio parents because all my siblings had one. Why do they get to have one and not me?

As a child of divorce, the photos I have of me and my folks mean a lot to me. And it goes both ways! My dad likes to have photos of me and his partner - they met long after I was too old to have any parental relationship with her, and honestly I find the photos of us together super staged and weird, but I know he gets a lot of joy from those pictures. I also don’t speak to my sister ever, but when I see her and a parent wants a photo of the two of us, I take it because it’s a minute of awkwardness for me for something that they will treasure

I will say, for the first story, my brother's family had a similar situation for my niece's birthday a few years ago (niece is technically brother's stepdaughter, has been part of our family for a similar timeframe as OP). My niece wanted to celebrate her birthday with both parents (and some other family) present, and while it was a bit uncomfortable for my sister-in-law, they did it. It was one occasion, and it made their daughter happy. And they did come out of it with a picture of just the three of them. From my perspective, you move past your differences for one day to make your kid happy, and if the parents don't want the public family image, just emphasize to the kid that the photo is for personal memories.

my parents separated when i was 16 so 3 years ago, and my situation is very different than op’s (neither of them have remarried and they still have somewhat friendly contact, always come together for my bday and any important festivities) so to me a family pic has always been a given. like at every bday we’ve always taken the picture with the whole family (aunts/uncles/grandparents/...) and a picture of just the 3 of us, just the parents. so coming from my experience it’s very normal that op would want a picture just with her biological parents, like it’s just sth you do at family events to me yk

I have to staunchly disagree that kids shouldn't get a say in who their divorced parents get to remarry, especially if they're still a minor and live in their home. As someone who experienced both situations (mom asked for approval, dad rejected my disapproval), the days were a lot better when I was at my mom's house than my dad's. If the situation is healthy like Shaaba stipulates, the child in question likely won't have a problem anyway

For the AirBnB one, I can't help thinking that if instead of Cathy we had Carl, almost everyone would think of it as an unprofessional suggestion and immediately jump to conclusions. It shouldn't really matter though, a boss of any gender comes with a certain power dynamic, and I'd not feel comfortable sharing. Same hotel for sure, but separate rooms and bathrooms please. Even if I got along really well with the boss, since I'd be afraid that might change by spending too much time together outside of work settings. Then again I'm not the most social person anyways, and I'd run out of spoons if I had to mask all day, not just during the work ours.

As someone who has been a step-parent, the dad was the biggest A in that first story, and step-mom was also a bit of an A, too. OP may have had an image created without consent, but it’s not like OP consented to the divorce, at the same time. Having a photo you can look at without feeling guilty that only one parent is in it - or not having to hang up two separate photos of the same event - is completely valid. Going into your teenager’s room, logging in to their computer, then putting them on blast for what you found is SUCH an a-hole move, and the step-parents were hurt unnecessarily. The parents knew OP wanted this, and it sounds like instead of discussing why OP wants it or why they continue to refuse is a failure of co-parenting.

Shaaba, you spent way too much time projecting on the first story. OP's issue is that their family has been fractured and haphazardly put back together multiple times. OP just wants to IMAGINE having a simple upbringing witth just their bio parents, and everyone's denying them even the slightest bit of peace of mind.

With the photo one. The kid is NTA. They're a sixteen year old that wants a photo with the two people most consistently in their life. The dad has been divorced and remarried multiple times so I'd imagine op doesn't have all that much attachment to their step parents. And yes the family's were forced on them a 9 year doesn't tend to have much say in a parent getting married. The adults are all so immature they can't set their own bs aside for a two second photo.

the parents who had 'a string of bad luck' (bad luck or... bad decisions because they were trying to make more decisions for quick wealth gain? hmm) definitely sound like they're coming at it from a rich person's perspective of "It's not about living comfortably, it's about getting back to my status of wealth". They aren't reasoning in the way most of us would where we make the sacrifice to put ourselves back into a safe standing- they're choosing to protect their assets (well, now they are- after risky decisions they made in hopes of a quick pay day) in the hopes it puts them back on their pedestal, while putting their child out (who IS the one saving for their future). Just

I think it's totally reasonable to want a picture with just you and your parents. It takes almost no time, it's not actually inconveniencing anyone, and you'll have that picture of support and love from your parents. No one is pretending they're all one happy family, and the parents partners don't matter or exist. I think it's more crazy to have to go through the lengths of Photoshoping a picture because people can't put aside feelings and just let the teen have a a moment alone with their parents for a picture! I would think finding that picture while snooping would make someone feel like they had taken away a moment from their kid that they really felt they needed. Not inspire anger.

The first one is hard. Sixteen is young and reason hasn't been developed fully, but it’s still old enough to sit down and have good conversations. I wonder if when everyone is giving their reasons they aren’t going deep enough, not really expressing their feelings and aren’t asking the OP the right questions to truly figure out how they are feeling and why. Like you mentioned, Shaaba, it doesn't really feel like the OP even has outlined why they want it. There doesn't feel like a solid plan, just this "need" that's built up into maybe something they don't even fully understand themselves. Clearly the parents all communicate enough to tell each other about the photos and plan events so it seems like there are ways to have good conversations. Now, whether those are possible or not with Mr. Snoops and Mrs. I Am Just As Much Your Mother, I don't know. I could see so many cool ways to do themed pictures with OP with Mom and OP with Dad, but place them together in a single frame or side-by-side. Casual vs Formal. Day vs Night. Dawn vs Dusk. And do each shot with both parents. The themes are linked, but different. But you’d also have each theme to play with. And you could even do a really cool "domino" thing where you could "attach" images OP to OP, Dad to Dad, Mom to Mom. I think there is a lot of ways to get everyone what they truly want. But I'm not sure they all know what that is, and definitely haven't shared it effectively. I do think it's wrong to implicitly side with the child and just take the picture. There are 5 people's feelings involved here, not just one. And everyone's feelings should be respected. The thing is, this photo feels more like a fixation than what they may truly want, and in that case getting the photo won't actually fill the hole the OP is experiencing. (Insert ad for therapy sponsorship here.) With the last one I definitely think it's odd to share a room with a boss. Co-workers at the same peer level are a bit less odd, but "Boss" feels a bit different. I would have the excuse that I don't book full apartments/houses with AirBnB because I don't agree with their business model in terms of contributing to the housing crisis, insane things like bigots suing for being "exposed to a disabled person", the plethora of hidden camera issues, etc. Making it a company choice vs a personal choice against the boss could also smooth over that aspect (buuut could also feel like a judgement if the boss did the booking). Overall, I would always choose a regulated industry with well established standards than AirBnB. I have stayed in a room with ensuite in a home before, with the owners present, and it wasn't actually through AirBnB. That doesn't remove some of the concerns, but at least in that sort of instance the people aren’t contributing to the housing crisis since they are living there. Now, if it was in a location where housing wasn't an issue, I could be persuaded. But I'd be spending hours researching before agreeing, which would probably piss anyone off I was traveling with. XD

Story 1: definitely NTA. It sounds like OP has some feelings to work through that her family isn't letting her process. My maternal grandparents divorced when my mother was in her early teens, and she carries bitterness about it to this day. Her parents were also not big on photos, so she cherishes the few that she has. If I were in OP's position, I would imagine wanting to have at least one photo of the family that was ripped apart in front of me. Plus, in my opinion, if you can't suck it up and be in one photo with someone you don't like _for the sake of your child,_ you're just not a good parent.

Story number 1 makes me feel for the OP. Parents who can't reasonably get along for their children is ridiculous. My parents divorced when I was 6. They had a bit of strain between each other in the first 2 years (the divorce proceedings), but they are now very close friends. I have several pictures of myself with both my parents, and only my parents. I can't imagine having to fight for that. And when I say my parents are friends: they invite each other for the holidays and go to each others' birthdays... I know I'm insanely lucky that my parents had yhe emotional maturity to see past their differences and the initial hurt of the divorce. But it makes me feel for those who aren't as lucky.

You’re cheering me up with this video, I just relapsed and been feeling really down… Your bubbly, happy attitude is just what I need

You asked why the person in the first question would even want the photo. She wanted evidence that her parents loved her more than they hate eachother. She wasn't looking for them to pretend to be together, just to both acknowledge that they were important to her at the same time.

I feel sorry for the kid in the first one. My parents divorced when I was 8, I think they'd understand and pose for the picture. Especially if I also had ones of me and the rest of the two families as well. It's completely understandable to just want a picture of them and their parents. Not knowing the context for the separation, it does seem like it's a bit of a dick move to not just, stand still and be polite for one picture. Especially as they mention milestones. There are a lot of pictures that are traditional, depending on where OP is. Birthdays, graduations, anything like that. They apparently just have no memory based pictures? They're a kid. Their parents are adults and can suck it up for two minutes to take one pictures for their dang kid. It's not a fake memory or fake family' they're trying to hold onto. It's supposed to be the two people who will do anything for them and love them unconditionally. And a picture is proof they can do one small uncomfortable thing to give them that.

I think the parents in the first story are the AHs (as well as at least one of the step parents). Having a picture with the parents who raised you isn't about making it look like they're still a couple. It's just about having a picture with your parents, your family. Honestly it's sounding like at least one of the step parents is a crappy person. That's reason enough to not want to have them in every single family photo you have. I think the real issue here is that the biological parents are forcing the step parents on OPs photos and prioritising the step parents feelings (which should not be hurt by this if they're mature, logical adults) over OPs. At the end of the day, in a divorce, your child comes first no matter your feelings for each other. Your child comes before your partners. Your child is always your priority. The picture isn't about parents being in love, it's about the symbol of your parents being with you, being there for you, if that makes sense? If the parents have an issue with it and OP keeps asking, the parents need to be sitting down with OP and talking about why they don't want to take the photo and discussing with OP why OP wants the photo.

Honestly it feel selfish of the parents to voer hte course of 14 years not taken at least ONE photo with their kid, especailly if OP has been asking for it. It's not for anyone else or themselves, it's for their child too look back at one day and be like "here is me with the parents I adore that brought me into this world." There are plenty of different types of families, and plenty of people that wouldn't want that picture of their birth parents, but OP does and I think it's sad the parents fought so hard against it.

My parens were never even married & hated each other for as long as I can remember, but I have pictures of the 3 of us at graduations, recitals, my wedding... It isn't about some fake family, but the people who brought me into this world coming together for me. No step-parents cared, the smiles were for me & those pictures make me feel loved.

I'm personally of the mindset, that GENERALLY you do not need consent to create an image with other people, but you always need consent to share it

All right I have to say the first one is NTA; everyone's trying to figure out why the kid would want pictures like that, but I don't think it's about that. It's about the kid asking for smth, not getting it, and then not even find a roundabout way but having a friend offer to do it as their practice, and then keeping the pictures to themselves! If OP had walked up to parents and said "HEY i PHOTOSHOPPED OUT MY STEPFAMILY BC I HATE THEM" that would be another thing, but they literally just wanted a couple pictures and got them in their own way (while keeping the originals!!!) without making anyone uncomfortable, until their father literally went into their computer to snoop around which is a huge privacy violation and then shared it with their whole parental group in a huge breach of trust. The parent is acting like a child in this situation and the child is just acting like a child, which I think they're entitled to. Not everyone's gonna be mature enough at 16 to know whats right at all times, and tbh if someone photoshopped me out of their picture and I found it I would be chill with it. It's not my picture, I don't care. I might ask them why they did that, but if they wanted a picture to look a certain way and I was somehow ruining it, whatever glad they figured it out. Knowing OP still has the originals is part of why I'm saying NTA. The dad tho is a huge Ahole as well as the rest of the parents for treating this like a huge deal without asking at all what was going on in OP's head.

For the first one i would want it for genealogy but i would not force it or ask it for every event. Shooting in raw is a big help if you are going to photoshop. Photoshop is a help if you do individual pictures you can photoshop them together. It is a tricky situation. I do agree with tour verdict Shaaba. This i think can be solved with clear communication.

i understand op in the first post... my parents also divorced when i was a kid and it was really REALLY bad, but i think they've grown really mature about their ending and about having a kid together. i have multiple photos with only both of them in my birthdays and graduation and i really cherish these photos... i understand op because having both people who brought you to this world in one photo doesnt need to mean that they're a happy family, just symbolize the ties they have with each other and this is beside the fact that op's parents had a bad marriage

My parents divorced before i was born and i very much understand the first ops need for that photo. I myself have no photos of me and my parents, and it honestly messes me up a little. It hurts to not be able to just whip out a picture and be like "thats my parents!" It also just feels weird to have no view of your parents together, like i was born into two separate families at once. It feels very...torn? Oh dear this got long but, i understand op very much

I was 15 when my parents separated and 17 when they divorced and both my parents have remarried since and they don't speak to each other and don't interact with each other even for events for my brother and me. I don't mind not having picture of like me with just them together because I would rather have a picture where everyone in the picture is actually happy in the moment and not just faking a smile for the sake of the picture. My relationship with my mother has since broken down and I have gone no contact but even now when I am at family events I make sure to include my step mum Becks in pictures because she is part of my family now and makes my dad happy.

It seems the issue for the parents in story 1 is more that the spouses were shopped out, than anything else. And like another comment says, they are giving the impression that they hate each other more than they love their kid.

I think nta for the first one because it seems like a good compromise since the parents didnt want to create that picture but the kid wanted to have that picture, so their friend made the picture. If they were showing it to other people or lying that their parents were still together that would be bad but that didnt happen Parents wouldnt be uncomfortable if the dad didnt snoop and share the private contents of their kids laptop

In the first story, OP is NTA. The inability of my uncle and his ex-wife to get along enough to show love and support to their son was a significant factor in his death a few years ago. So I firmly believe that if OP's parents cannot demonstrate that their love for their child is stronger than their (at this point almost 15-year-old) grievances for just one picture, or even one photoshopped picture, that definitely sends a negative message to the child about where they fall on mum and dads list of priorities.

In the first story, I do understand why OP would want a photo without the step-parents in it. However, I also see that the parents don't want a photo that makes it look like they are together. So OP should instead ask for a photo with each parent individually, IMO. I think that as long as the goal was not to fantasize about her parents still being together, then OP is not the asshole.

Concert AITA: I have invited friends where *I've* paid for the tickets at a latge cost to me. If this happened to me, where it was *clearly* explained *multiple* times and that OP paid for *and* they drove seperately.... NTA in any way shape or form. I would have done the exact same thing and would've been quite annoyed at my "friend". I do it in air quotes as what friend would want to ruin a very important moment to OP and then get mad at OP? Not ok! Too bad. So sad.

Second one, I think what the friend is upset about isn't that OP didn't leave with her. It's that she denied knowing her at all. Unless her friend was trying to use her as a shield, saying *you don't know them* is a shite thing to do. "Yeah, we came together, but I wasn't part of her filming" would have put OP firmly on the NTA. The total denial of even knowing her is ice cold.

My parents are divorced. They struggle to get along. I’m a late 20s adult. When the three of us are in one place, I often get pictures of the 3 of us. It has literally nothing to do with wanting them to express love towards each other or wanting them to be together or imagining us as a happy family. The last thing I want in the world would be for them to try getting back together. The idea horrifies me. Other commenters have said similar, but it’s about having momentos of the two people who created you and who you love dearly and deeply. If I had step parents, I absolutely would not want them in every single picture of me and my parents. When I am older and my parents have passed, I want to be able to look at me and them together and remember the people who birthed and raised me from day 1. And nothing will erase the memories of them not being good together, of them arguing or struggling to have positive conversations. That will also be attached to those photos. But it means a lot to me that my parents can put that aside for the 30 seconds that it takes to snap a photo.

The first one is a NTA in my book. The girls feelings are completely valid. She clearly feels quite strongly about having a picture like that. The photoshop gives her that picture without forcing her parents into close proximity in real life. As long as she keeps the picture private and not on some social media platform no persons are harmed by the photoshopped picture.

I think OP just wants a photo of them and both of their bio-parents. not so much in a “please get married again and be a couple!!” kind of way but more so in a “these are my parents so I want a picture together” kind of way. maybe this is just a my family thing but whenever we take photos, we mix and match different groups or duos for different shots and I feel like this is one of those things? like my older siblings having a picture taken with our parents without me and vise versa. I’m not sure if I’m explaining well but I just feel like OP wants that connection to both their parents in 1 picture with them still just being platonic? it’s more about the parents showing love to their child instead of showing each other love. it’s about the kid not so much the parents, I don’t believe it’s creating this fake narrative like you might feel. I feel like it might feel this way for people whose divorced parents aren’t on good terms. it’s okay to te think differently so both situations are fine in my opinion.

Op in story one was having the family forced on them through comments from the step mother such as "I am as much your parent as your mother and father" it's not about consenting to their father getting remarried. Also i can understand wanting the photo to feel like she actually had a family. Somtimes in situations like that a kid can feel placed off to the side for the sake of the parents new relationships and family and even if it's just an illusion the photo could be a way of coping.

The lady not wanting to share a room with her boss literally just needs to explain what she told us. "You know I love you, but you're like my work mom and I plan on getting a little twisted." She'll understand.

That first one makes a strange mix of feelings for me… my parents separated when I was about 12/13, and knowing how crappy and unhealthy their marriage was, it never even occurred to me to want to ask them to be in pictures together with me for milestone events… like I wanted pictures with both of them at these moments, but me with each of them, not forcing this “family” picture, when two of the main people in that picture were definitely NOT each other’s family any more and really didn’t want to be… it strikes me that OP had this idea in her head as a young girl when her parents first separated, and just never grew out of it like she maybe should’ve. Parents and stepparents definitely suck for snooping them ganging up on OP about it though, instead of sitting down their daughter who’s old enough by then for a grown up conversation like this one, and discussing why what she wants isn’t possible, and why making the illusion of a happy original family is not okay with them personally, and kind of not healthy for her to be hung up on either. Just TALK to each other people! 😅 sheesh

For the first story I never had to worry about that, because my family just did a bunch of photos with various different combos of people. Aunts/uncles, siblings, parents, step parents, etc.

The 16 yr old has been told that 3 different women were her mother and 2 men were her father and that all were just as important as each other despite them eventually divorcing each other and finding new love. Maybe she thinks her biological parents are the most important to her. I don't see why a singular photo at an important event like high school or college graduation can't have a photo of the 3 of them. It's not a sign that the parents are hot for one another or that the OP believes they are still a couple. She would just like a photo of the 3 of them. I don't think she plans to share it with the world, I'm guessing it's just something special for her.

With the last one, the work conference trip, I have two major thoughts: 1. OP doesn't need to have a reason to not want to share accommodations with her boss. Even though it's a work trip, there should still be some expectation of "off" time, when you're not expected to be working - and coming "home" to where you know your boss will be, doesn't allow a person to actually turn off / clock out like that. Of course not every work place or relationship is the same, and I get that, but if there's a more familial or friendly relationship between an employee and boss, that's optional, not to be expected. 2. I wouldn't label the boss TA for "acting cold," at least not without additional information. If she's said mean things or done something overtly rude, then yes, give her a little asshole badge. But if she's just... backed off? Maybe not smiling as much or not as talkative? That could just be her taking some space to process her own feelings, or perhaps feeling like OP asking for separate accommodations means OP wants more space from her, so she's trying to give it. Or she's been reminded of the boundaries, as you said, the professional line has been redrawn, and she's trying to re-calibrate and respect that. So yeah, I would go with a NAH, unless more information is provided to say otherwise.

I think someone who is entitled enough to think rules dont apply to them (taking pictures at a gig when explicitly told not to) is entitled enough to think their innocent friend should lose out for their entitled actions. So OP's friends actions in that one although shitty are at least consistent. Free gig, disobeying rules, arguing with a security guard and expecting their friend to lose out because of their bad actions. Im guessing that friend thinks they're the victim in every situation.

Your new songs are absolutely lovely!!!! Little Doll Shoes honestly made me a tad emotional, and the beat is great. I love singing along with your gorgeous voice. 😊

For the first one, I think she is valid for wanting her parents with her in a picture. They are her parents regardless of them being divorced . They are the adults and should be able to put their personal issues aside for their child , she just wanted a pic

Unpopular Opinion: Children of parents who are no longer together for whatever reason (death, divorce, etc.) SHOULD have a say in their parents' new long term partners. It's not fair that the child suddenly has to acknowledge a stranger as a parent and treat them as such. A child SHOULD have a say about who comes into their lives and enters their home. "What if the child doesn't want you (the parent) to marry anyone?" Then you don't. You date casually on your own time, and don't bring your partners around your children, until your children are capable of moving out and won't have to deal with your new partner. I admit, I am heavily biased. My parents split before I was born, and my step dad was abusive. My mom never listened to me when I asked her to leave him.

For the last story, I think it's totally normal to share an accomodation with your boss for a work conference (I'm coming from an academic science background). Especially if there are limited accommodations available and you each have your own room (shared Airbnb as mentioned). I think that if your boss frequents these conferences too, they are probably well aware of the party atmosphere. Staying with your boss might be a good opportunity to show them that you take the privilege of going to conference on the company dime seriously and can be professional by only going out for a couple drinks after and returning at a reasonable time.

I’m really looking forward to reading what everyone has to say about the first one since it’s such a foreign concept to me. I’m an only child and my parents are still together and I couldn’t think of a verdict for the first one for those reasons. Always in the mood to learn 💜

I have divorced parents and I've never felt the need to have them in one picture (I treat both sides of family pretty separately) but I can understand the sentiment- you just want to have two most important people to you together with you in your memories, which are commemorated by pictures. If it helped op to cope with the situation, why not. It also weirds me out that the parents were comfortable enough in each others presence to spend at least half a day with each other but not be okay with 10 seconds posing for a picture. It feels like a move just to show power and try to force a close relationship with step-family when op does not feel it. Guilt tripping them by saying stuff about disrespect is sooo disgusting. It's okay and normal not to feel as close connection to step-family as to your real parents. And it's up to the child to decide the type and strenght of such relationship.

My parents divorced when I was six. I have never personally wanted a photo with just myself and bio parents, HOWEVER, I can understand if someone else wants that. I have two children with an ex and we've been apart for 13 years now. We both remarried and we are active co-parent with the step parents all supportive. My children have not expressed a desire to be in photos with just us (bio parents) but if they did ask, I would ABSOLUTELY honor that request. It's a photo and it means something to them, that's what matters.

In story one I totally understand were op is coming from. I've only ever had one parent in my life and having 2 parents was something I wanted for a very long time. Having photos with my 2 parents would have given me a sense of normalcy. It also says we love you, our child, more than we dislike each other. What I don't understand is if they're willing to get together for events and milestones, why can't they stand together for 1 photo?

I don't have a divorced family, but I still get wanting a particular pic with your fav set of people to treasure. So you can have just the one pic, not 2 pics, just one. It has nothing to do with being a happy family, it's just having a pic with the two people that mean the most to you.

As a child of separated parents myself, it is nice to have them both in the pictures My parents have gotten to a point where they tolerate eachother, they even joke around They're just not together anymore, and even tho our family dynamics aren't healthy at all, that little part is good Both parents have to realise that their child views them as their set of parents, and they can't force the kid not to view the other parent like that So one little picture with just the two of them and their kid shouldn't be such a big deal to them, especially because it's a big deal to the child ((Talking about scenarios where there wasn't abuse, that changes things))

As a child of divorce, we always did everything twice. Sometimes this was great, but more often there was fighting involved over whose turn it was, etc. I often just wanted to have one celebration, or whatever the event was with both my parents present. I didn't have this until my high school graduation when we had one party. I got my first picture since I was a baby with both parents. It wasn't about them or their lack of a relationship, it was a gift to me that they could set that aside and put me first. I understand better now as an adult what you are saying, and I agree. But as a child, that photo meant a lot to me.

For Story 1, I had an interpretation completely different to yours. I felt like OP wanted a picture of themselves with the two parents that matter the most to them, more like a visual representation of a direct family tree, than a manufacturing of a fake family that never existed

OP #1 isn't an ah, they just want what they've never had. And that pic wasn't plastered everywhere as a eff you, it was a private, like a dream. And it's a parent's job to snoop. Their kids' rooms & their media. I HATED DOING THAT TO MY SON! But, there's too many dangers facing kids now not to do it. BUT the dad was a big AH for run and telling everybody.

Mt parent divorced when i was 3, and i have plenty of photoes with just the 3 of us. My parent do abseloutly not get along, but they did when i was younger. There is MAJOR trauma between them, that i have only found out recently YEARS later, and i understand them both. I understand being 16, and wanting both your parents to at least get along for a "stupid family photo" and i think this is a good example on why clear and honest comunication is key in a divorced family. Ibtgink the parents are in their right but they shouod set their feude aside for their child too..

I put my foot down and told my parents to act like adults for my graduation/eighteenth birthday. They had at that point not been together for sixteen years so nothing inflamed. They managed. Me proud.