All my life I have been desperate for everyone's approval because any time someone looked down on me or judged me or didn't like me it triggered a feeling of being worthless. I'm starting to break the spell now.
Thank you Barbara. I love to listen to you. At times I suffer from toxic shame, that hunts me about events from the past. I am my own worse judge. I want to get rid of it and self help myself and forgive myself.
Thank you Ms. B, as always I feel you say the things that I need to hear directly to me. You help me to make this journey more magical, interesting and worth living!
Many thanks Barbara, I stumbled across some of your videos earlier this evening bc I was looking for self limiting beliefs. Your above video is so informative. I will take the info to my therapist next week. I think I have two negative core beliefs that are seriously hindering my professional & personal life. I so want to heal them so I can succeed ❤ Many thanks again ❤
When you’re beaten, yelled at, told how ugly stupid and worthless you are, and have rumors spread about you to ruin every friendship relationship and goal you pursue.. and this happens on a daily basis from age 0 to 18.. is it possible to ever recover?
i think you have opened up my thoughts about what to look for to help get a better understanding of why i feel the way i do . Empath is what im am and some selfishness also. so thank you for that and explaining in a better way than i thought.
Thank you for helping me identifying the root cause of my problems uncovering my negative core beliefs. It now makes sense why I have been stuck in the same mode of thinking for over 20 years. Thank you Barbara. Much appreciated
Very interesting! Thank you. I was married to a narcissist whose siblings were borderline personalities. I was dissappointed of myself because I learned that I could not be a saint because I felt like I wanted to reject them. I was raised in the Catholic Church and I thought I had to suffer with patience and love all their abuses. I learned better later. Rejected them and divorced my ex. Thank God!
Thank you, that's extremely helpful. If it always a fear that starts the chain of question? Or could it be that someone said this and that to me, and going downwards from there?
Hello, Barbara. It's been a while since I last wandered around here and to be honest I've missed your videos! Well, I'm gonna try to be bravely vulnerable saying what's to come because it's not the easiest thing to openly share but I hope it will help people who may share my experience somehow. I've been working on my core negative beliefs for a long time now and now I'm actually faced with one of the hardest of them to alter: the belief that mistakes should be punished (whether mine or others'!). I know it's a dangerous, scary belief to have (even if subconsciously) but I’m honest with myself because I do want to get rid of it because logically I know it's wrong and that it's not my place to pass judgement on others' behaviors as "mistakes" nor is it my place to excute punishment (and by punishment I mean psychological punishment like through blame or shaming etc). SO! My question is could you please make a video to shed some light on this: how to heal the core negative belief that mistakes (yours and others') deserve punishment? ... it's so destructive to my relationships and to many aspects of my life cause the minute I perseve someone's behavior as hurtful to me (or even as a threat to hurt me) whether they're acting this way intentionally or unintentionally, I get defensive and start the manipulative punishment as a way of intimidating them into staying away and not hurting me. Please, I really need your help on this and I think it will help lots of people suffering from the same issue if you generously decide to do a video on the topic. Thank you so much ❤
Dear Ms. Barbara, Thank you for such an awesome video. This is exactly what I was looking for. You have explained the technique in a beautiful way with quite relatable examples. The common most dysfunctional core beliefs that clients often come with and how to get around to that root are indeed put together brilliantly. Thank you again :)
As always, super smart and compassionate. But it raises a problem I have with CBT in general: why do we assume core beliefs are accessible to this rational process. What about the preverbal or traumatic memory? Will having "better thoughts" repair the structures of feeling that drive so much maladaptive behavior?
My negative core belief: as a queer darker hue black woman, I won't be taken as seriously by certain networks if I don't achieve the credentials required for my expertise to be honored as merit. Especially, for promotional opportunities that have strong expectations for professional performance to be observed and considered. So I have to work twice as hard, to be seen as valuable in the career field for even an eyebrow raise of piqued interest and not overlooked
Yes, the PDF I offer (link in notes under video) goes through three options for rewiring your negative core belief. I also have a couple of videos that address this, including this one : ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-G9_InVHe4sc.html. And I offer a free webinar on "Rewiring Your Brain" which talks about healing these beliefs!
Thanks for your video! If you get to your core belief or beliefs with this exercise but you’re still having a hard time and experiencing anxiety stuck in the fight or flight, are there any video recommendations? I’ll definitely mention this to my counselor but I’m curious if you had any other videos on that?
Yes, absolutely. Usually if we drill down into the negative ones, the ones that keep us stuck, there will usually be 2 or 3 overarching themes - that is what I call the "core." But we all have multiple beliefs, some positive, some neutral...
Barbara, thank you for your incredibly helpful videos. My wife and I have been going through your pdf on Transform Your Negative Core Beliefs" and it is very helpful. I have two questions: In Part One, Step 5, I think there's a typo in the fill-in part. Maybe better as "How True it Feels"? On Part Two, Step One, should not the second sentence end with "do this for each Negative Cognition?
Thank u Barbara 💓 I can relate so much to ur content. I am from South Asia and taking CBT therapy but usually fails in completing the tasks my therapist assign me. I would really appreciate if u can plz suggest the best way to watch ur videos. I mean the sequence of watching ur content. Stay blessed
@@BarbaraHeffernan Sure. Many thanks. Yesterday I watched ur vlog 'finding core beliefs through downward arrow technique' as my first self help session. Today I will watch 'transforming ur negative core beliefs'. I am hopeful it will work. Let me thank u again for the valuable contribution. ❤️
Hi Barbara, I’ve been enjoying your videos for a few months and using many of the techniques you teach. You mentioned sublimating on a video and I am unclear what that actually means in psychology terms. Can you define for me?
Hi Cindy: Sublimating is when an emotion is denied and pushed down, and it often comes out sideways.... I don't actually remember which video I mentioned that in, so can't really provide context unless you let me know. All the best! And so glad the videos are helpful!
So, I feel worthless because I think everybody thinks I'm worthless. What now? How do I reprogram myself, deal with the brainwashing and the bullying and the abuse during my formative years that made a big chunk of who I am? My computer knows it's garbage, my human kind of gets it but he's constantly being hit over the head by my angry chimp.
