This was so helpful! I'm going to download your worksheet and start working on it. Taking things too personally often leads to feeling like a victim all the time and makes you feel the need to explain and defend yourself to get affirmations, comfort and guidance most likely from the authority figure in the situation. I totally agree with you that it's closely linked to your childhood experiences. Looking forward to your next video. Thank you so much.
The point is how you handle the situations and not trying to figure out if you should take it personally or not. This is nothing more than a thing most people say when they’re trying to cover their ass.
I am here watching this video because my 14 year old daughter and I got into a huge fight the other night and one of her comments to me was "you always take everything personally!". So, in effort to better connect with her, I am trying to absorb everything that I can in order to stop taking things personally!!
I tell myself I take things too personally but when people are constantly making personal attacks and gaslighting is is hard to imagine how else to take it, lol.
@@DR-nh6ooThat's exactly right and it does seem personal when I tend to get spoken to rudely or even abused more than others, which means that I'm an easy target, or my behaviour is annoying. 🥺
If I had gotten at all angry witj my Mom, she would have screamed at me & slapped me in the face. Why are you allowing your daughter to talk back to you?
It’s difficult to not take things personally. I think the reason why, sometimes, is because when people are trying to be hurtful, sometimes they actually do want you to take it personally, to put you on the defense and to make sweat bead up on your forehead. But, oddly, one of the things that helps me to understand that I shouldn’t take it personally, is because people really don’t care about each other. Just saw a video on that. But, it was something I realized a long time ago. People may notice things about you, when they’re in competition with you other need something from you, for themselves. But, other than that, they may not notice you. I know I could go to work for a week, with one eye having eyeliner and the other not and maybe no one would notice. They “may” notice something is “different”, but maybe not be sure if what it is and they’re not going to try to find out. Sure wish they wouldn’t notice, if I played hooky. Also, this is, perhaps, because things are more complex now, some people are busier than they would’ve been a decade ago, there’s more people and competition in the world so maybe people’s energies and concentration is more inwardly- focused, for their own protection. For me, maybe I’m a bit strange because I do tend to notice a lot, but I’m more internally-referenced than some people I know. So, I may notice things, but I don’t have a lot of concern about the opinions of others, especially, if I know they’re not equipped to advise me. Maybe a lot of people are like that. I don’t know. Lastly, although I was my narcissistic mother’s target, I learned to not take things personally from her and just go no contact, because her behavior was a personal problem, having nothing to do with me.
@@sll110 you learn a lot on these YT channels and through life experience. You even learn that, while one person might really like your makeup and outfit today, another person wouldn’t know if you came in, in a wheelchair. Goes to show how different we all are, but also that people are going through different things in their own life, so what they notice or don’t notice, may change with that, as well.
#1 really resonates with me. I will intensely personalize everything. I'm doing CBT work to try and overcome that. Your videos have been extremely helpful to me, and I truly appreciate you.
#1. Yeap, and only to find out later, they hated the fact I wasn't chasing them #2. I prefer some constructive critique, because I want to perform better. And I am accused, of being a "perfectionist" #3. I have been guilty of this, only to show up around that group and all of a sudden they get quiet and roll their eyes at me. #4. I have over reacted, until that person starts gaslighting me when I ask questions instead of reacting in a big way. #5. I would get defensive, especially when my point was not acknowledged how I validated them and they would tell me I'm defensive shortly after they blatantly and underhandedly insulted me under their breath. And when I ask questions, and people assume I am looking for something wrong rather than see that I am trying to meet them where they are at so we can work out a solution. Their resentment towards me, becomes more pronounced. *I now just remove myself from other people's bad days, and let them say whatever they want. So what I do now, is I will ask" did you say that to hurt me or were you trying to help me understand something?" And they trip up on their words, and I leave the be so I can find peace and they can reflect
I can never tell if I take anything too personally or not. It's just that whenever I've got nothing better to do, I text anyone if they are ever available, and they say, "I can't. I'm busy", especially the one's who literally make no time for you at all So for me, it's hard to tell if I am or not
Interesting due to a recent situation and although I didn't take it personally, I interpreted it as that person may not be in alignment with my values...kind of a caution sign. When I was younger, this topic definitely applied a lot but I will use this information to reference if future situations occur and trigger those feelings. Thanks.
Sting sang “There’s a little black spot on the sun today; the same old thing as yesterday (it’s my soul up there)…” which I believe is about how we see the world through our lens.
GOOD INFORMATION.STAY AWAY FROM TRIGGERS.INCLUDING PAST PEOPLE WHO MANAGE TO MAKE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM.DON'T RESPOND.AVOIDING IS BEST.TOO MANY KNOW IT ALLS & THOSE WHO THINK THEY CAN INTERFERE IN LIVES THEY HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING IN.BOUNDARIES.& INTRUSIVE.BYE.BYE.
All those signs, are me to a T, and those are qualities I don't like about myself and that I really want to learn to fix. No idea how I got this way...
Thankyou ma'am for explaining , it's absolutely fact what you described , personally I used to take to personal if some adverse reactions take place for days I used to brooding over the issue which is not necessary ,later I realise because I am suffering from Bipolar mental illness , as well lack of friends , however you explained accurately . ❤️
Ohhh God... this is exactly what I go through for years... and I dint know how to help myself... thank u for this video... pls also share how to overcome this.
Hi: Stay tuned for Tuesday next week - the first of two videos on how to get over this. So sorry you have suffered so much with it, and I hope these videos help!
There are not enough videos altogether on this subject. Another person treating you dismissively because you may have overreacted adds to hurt of the perceived slight.
That is a great point. I do address this a little in my next two videos on this topic. Yet, even there - we need to not take it personally that they are dismissive! That is more about them than us... but, yes, it hurts.
@@parasite674 Yes for sure, but I do believe that it is your personal core belief that sits in the way and that another never has the permission to hurt you unless you let them, but it comes down to a belief you hold about yourself I think, and that you have to unravel so you stop taking the actions of others as a threat toward yourself and leave their behaviour with them because it is their way of seeing the world and human relations even how disrespectful, also trying to learn this
I have all those signs.... and im in a glut now because of them... ( i.e) my email wasn't responded to and the person slightly snapped at me the other day in a conversation.... it terrible as i feel so down and depressed because of it...
Can you cover when somebody constantly criticizes you or makes demeaning remarks then are you taking it too personally I guess you are I guess the answer is why am I with this person or how can I not give a flip what they say. I found it stems from childhood trauma being raised by narcissist parent. which leads to codependency in my situation, anyway. Only speaking for myself.
Katherine, I have a similar issue as you. My mother was constantly criticizing me, and my anxiety is (falsely) based on that spotlight she put on me. In my mind, any attention people give me is uncomfortable. That's why I cannot take a compliment. That's why I blank out in conversations with people. I just figured out why I have social anxiety. Wow! This therapist is good.
If someone patronizes you, it is still about them, not you!! But even if it is not "personalized" - that does not mean you don't stand up to them or take action. I feel the action grounded in knowing it is their ignorance, not you, will be more impactful and "skillful" than otherwise. Hope this helps.
Most people are nice, but some have their own problems. The critics are usually jealous. If you are sincere with people, don't worry about some grumpy a-hole.
Hi Barbara, thank you so much. I just stumbled upon your channel and I’m so glad I did. Your explanation of reframing, core beliefs and personalization was extremely clear and easy to understand. I look forward to follow. Also, I never thought of how personalization was connected to negative core beliefs. So, would you say personalization could be triggered by a negative core belief?
# 4 would it be my lack of self-esteem that i make it about me given that there is not real reason for it objectively speaking? Is it related to getting upset all the time with circumstances and I'm always complaining about how the things or people are or behave? (There I feel i touch some of the resentment part inside). THANKS:::
I think I do ruminate with my husband. I can't say anything in any tone that he does not get angery and act out. I go off on him because this is not meant to criticize but just saying or asking him something that he could just say no or that he does.nt want to do it. So we don't talk at all and it is sad but I don't know how to fix it. I just avoid conversations with him. What should I be doing or saying that does not send me down the rabbit hole?
What would happen if you simply expected that response and knew it wasn't related to you? Still frustrating, I imagine, but perhaps different... This is complicated and can take a fair amount of work. The independent study program I offer does help people in these situations a lot - if that is of interest to you:awakenjoy.thinkific.com/courses/roadmap-to-joy-and-authentic-confidence
Hi Jane: I have a number of videos on EMDR: includingL ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-eEVXhPKGLf0.html (You can also check my playlists). And thanks for the heads up about the webinar link! I need to fix that :)
Hi: All links are in description to the video (under video if on computer, three little dots to click if on phone... but here it is!awakenjoy.lpages.co/negative-core-beliefs-pdf/
Personally I think it's helpful, as being a sensitive person I suffer a lot ,especially living in a joint family with bunch of narcissists .I actually fall in depression and anxiety time to time just ruminating what they say to me. I want to become a bit stronger and ignore them to make my life peaceful.
It helps to look at family members as just people. In other words, take away the loaded familial word -- mother, father, uncle, brother etc.. See them objectively as people. Do you let people's comments bring you down? Think of their comments as opinions. Everyone has them. Doesn't mean it's true.
