Elf Bowling: The Movie (Musical Hell Review #87) 

Fun fact: Tom Kenny said at a convention that when he got a call to do Elf Bowling, he'd never heard of the recording location. He drove around LA and wound up in a sketchy neighborhood. The "recording studio" turned out to be some rundown apartment building.

Looks like this movie didn’t go to Elf Practice

Isn’t this the one where Tom Kenny sings ‘Slavery makes the world go round’?

You realize the producers of this movie are likely someone's racist uncles, right?

List of ten-sin musicals: 2012: From Justin to Kelly 2013: Love Never Dies 2014: Spice World 2016: Glitter 2017: Beauty and the Beast the Enchanted Christmas 2019: The Mighty Kong 2019: Z-O-M-B-I-E-S 2019: Elf Bowling: The Movie

So here's a timeline of all of Diva's 9-10-sin reviews 2012: From Justin to Kelly 2013: Love Never Dies 2013: The King and I 2014: Spice World 2015: Tentacolino 2015: Walking on Sunshine 2015: Burlesque 2016: Glitter 2016: Christmas is Here Again 2017: Strange Magic 2017: Sci-fi High: The Movie Musical 2017: Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Chrismas 2018: Sextette 2019: The Mighty Kong 2019: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming Out of Their Shells 2019: Z-O-M-B-I-E-S 2019: Elf Bowling: The Movie In total, that's 17 reviews. That's 20% of films she has reviewed that she has qualified as "unusually awful" or anger-inducing terrible.

"WHO POOPED IN THE PEANUT BARREL " - Santa

Lucifer: Just to be clear I had nothing to do with this.

Of all the reviews of this movie I've seen, this is the only that made me realize this abomination is a musical

Even Tom (one of the VAs) noted how dodgy this was when he got called into voice act. He literally ended up in someone's basement.

Should've had 11 sins. You forgot the infamous "Slavery" song.

You know what’s funny Grizelda and Veronica Kim were voiced by “Jill Talley” who voiced Karen in Spongebob, and Dingle was voiced by “Tom Kenny” who is the voice of Spongebob. I’m guessing that this movie was so bad for Tom Kenny that he actually needed his wife to help him with this!!

I was hoping you'd do "Grandma got run over by a Reindeer" but this is just as irritating.

You know what’s funny? When the elves were demanding to have fun at work, they were behind by six billion units (or the entire human population at the time). But under hypnosis, they were on schedule.

Sorry. I'm going to watch something with dignity to calm my nerves. "STIR WHIP! STIR WHIP! WHIP WHIP STIR! WHOAAA!"

Why is Santa married to a disney-esque 16 looking girl?

I like how there's many scenes in this where our characters look like rendered action figures, especially the girl and her hair.

I can only imagine that Tom Kenny (voice of Dingle) only did this movie because he made a bet with Bill Faderbakke over whether he can star in something worse than Atlantis Squarepantis

Likes bowling in his 'spare' time? I see what you did there.

Now prepare for Elf Bowling: The Game: The Movie: The Game.

You know what I've realized? They were trying to be Shrek with a holiday theme. The crass jokes, the modern ideas, the music, it all makes sense. This was a rip off of Shrek.

The penguins failing at dancing during the villain “song” hard me snickerimg

You know what would be cool for next Christmas? Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa. Hope you give that a good burning. 😈

I'm shocked you didn't give this 11 sins.

No matter how many times I see someone on RU-vid review this movie, I keep finding something bad about this movie I hadn't noticed before.

"A white beard to deliver them to the promised land." So The Land of Milk and Cookies? XD

As someone who grew up as an avid Elf Bowler, I am both gleeful and horrified that this was turned into a bad animated movie musical. Thank you, Diva.

6:41 Worst furry porn I've ever seen

Well, "this one involves pirates!" is now a phrase I'm gonna be saying all too often. Whoops!

"Oh look! It's reviewing itself in song!" I goddamn lost it xD xD xD

I didn’t know hell allowed their bowlers to not wear bowling shoes. Granted, the shoes probably don’t fit hoofed feet.

This film is such a waste of Tom Kenny, Jess Harnell and Martin Olson... the latter did writing for Rocko's Modern Life! How did he stoop this low?

As for Dingle (*shudder* the name alone sickens me to my flu-ridden core), you know a villain played by Tom Kenny's bad when the Ice King, Mumbo and Common frigging COLD look more dignified!

The piece de resistance as it were: that elf picket sign is in comic sans

Never knew this was a musical. Can't wait for that Doctor Dolittle burning in 2020!!!

Diva: "This is the bottom of the barrel of Christmas movies." Rapsittie Street Kids: "Hold my beer."

11:51 Moses from "Joshua and the Promised Land" approves of your scenery chewing there, Santa.

I think The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus is the definitive backstory to the jolly old elf.

....they made a movie of that floppy disk game? why? in CG no less. WHY? WHO ASKED FOR THIS? NOBODY WHO PLAYED IT WOULD HAVE ASKED FOR THIS!

9:01 "Get his hands on her strudel" I have some... very uncomfortable images drifting through my mind right about now.

As someone who's a huge fan of One Piece, hearing the elves refer to this version of Santa as "Whitebeard" just feels really wrong on multiple levels.

Oh Tom Kenny what in the world are you doing in this

Mrenter’s review of this was nothing but him screaming at it with forced anger ahoy

I wonder if she'll ever do Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. That movie not only has bad songs but the story and animation are also horrible

Did Tom Kenny really have to take this part? Was Spongebob really not enough money?

13:56 As someone who used to work as a cart handler for that store, I remember those videos they had me watch and they were cringy (say for the intense Avoid, Deny, Defend video).

"Klaus" did the origins of Santa thing way better.

Just when I think you would cover Grandma got run over by a reindeer, or the live-action year without a Santa Claus adaptation, you always find a Christmas musical that’s way worse.

Elves need to be happy Their hearts must fill with joy For only a happy elf Is contractually obligated to make toys

17:40 Wait, all the slavery jokes and toilet humor was ok but not a former pirate saying "yo ho ho and a bottle of rum"?

Also, to quote the Isle of Rangoon: "For a movie called Elf Bowling, it has, and I apologize in advance, NO BALLS!"

Diva... Are You Sure This Movie Wasn't MADE in Hell? Because it sure feels like it....

So the makers of this..."film", decided that it was appropriate to have (among other things) gratuitous amounts of fart jokes, poop jokes, an implied rape, a thinly veiled reference to STDs, a scene of a penguin posing for an adult magazine, the word "sucks", and abundant amounts of cringe-worthy stereotypes, but drew the line at a character mentioning a type of alcohol?

Loved this, haha. What a bizarre mess that is as cringe-inducing as it is disturbing. You should do Rapsittie Street Kids next, haha. And yes, there is a sic in there.

Doctor Dolittle?! YES YES YES YES!!! I was wondering when you were gonna be doing that one!! Oh yes, best way to ring in the New Year!

Absolutely the most how did this get made thing you've ever covered. I'm speechless

15:17 It's likely the elf(not bothering to check his name) used the magic ball so much that some of its magic transferred into him

Honestly, I think saying that 8-year-olds wrote this movie is an insult! 8-year-olds could write MUCH better than this shit! All joking aside though, while this whole thing about crude and vulgar humor does tend to be a preliminary problem with kids' media, I find it's just as (if not more) abundant in adult-oriented media (particularly with a lot of Adult Swim "comedies")! 13:45 Also, did it not occur to Dingle that he might want to make sure that Lex was INSIDE the building, and not want to slam the door to let the curtain go down and reveal that the building is a sweat shop, that way no one would be onto his plans and...I've already put a lot more thought into this movie than any of the writers have just on that one detail alone! And not to go off on any tangents regarding this being another 10-sins case, but I certainly would have found that 10th sin justifiable, not only because it just draws out this painful movie by completely repeating a sequence that already happened, but also because these two idiots pretty much just wasted their last minutes of Christmas-delivery on this one game AFTER THE F*CKING ELVES HAVE ALREADY MASSIVELY PROCRASTINATED ON MAKING TOYS!!!

7:45 The Land Before Time XIII: The Wisdom of Friends in a nutshell.

*spits out eggnog* *IT'S A MUSICAL? THAT MAKES IT WORSE!* Also, might I add that the villain is a deadbeat guy named Dingle? Honestly, you could have just given me Elves Bowling and it'd be better than this.

Should have gotten an extra sin for the incredibly annoying voice acting and how they gave songs to only the raspiest vocals.

would love to see you review the Magic Riddle. it´s a strange animated movie with 16 tracks in it but it has alot of heart in it, even with all the flaws.

8:23 huh, I wasn't expecting the Spanish inquisition

Oh my god... Of all the things to be turned into musicals... Never... Never would have guessed...

Has The Boss forced you to do any of the Care Bear movies yet? Because boy howdy are they a bastion of musical treasures

I agree with you Diva on just about everything on Elf Bowling:The Movie,IT'S SO COMPLETELY UNGODLY HORRIBLE!! Also while I'm commenting I wanna ask you Diva. Have you ever thought of bringing up a sub-series of this called Musical Heaven where you review all the good musical films and highlight the 'Wins' in those movies? Because I was thinking about that to myself for sometime,so what do you think about that idea of mine?

If they're supposed to be in Fiji, why are they still in long pants and coats?! They'll die of heat stroke!

I feel so bad for every animator forced to look at these hideous models for hours on end. And dear god, Tom Kenny didn't deserve this.

Apparently Santa likes them young. His wife looks 30 at the most.

5:47 words cannot accurately describe the pain I feel watching this

I remember playing the Flash game and liking it. There is one little secret in the game that is hard to do and I don’t think I’ve ever seen any RU-vid videos of people playing the game ever do and that is if you throw the ball a certain way so that it goes flying off the side and into the air while the deer is on screen, the ball will come crashing down on the deers’s head and kills it and it’s body just lies there until the game is over

Saint Nicholas wasn’t Turkish. He was Greek. The Turks weren’t in that area yet.

I knew this movie had a few songs, but I had no idea it'd make it on this show.

Three ten sin cases in one year. That has to be a record.

at 8:22, I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition!

I have a suggestion for an upcoming court case: an Australian animated movie from 1991 called "The Magic Riddle." It blends a bunch of fairy tales together and it goes horribly wrong. Nothing makes sense. Quest for Camelot makes more sense. I don't know if it could be considered the Aussie counterpart to Tentacolino though.

Maybe I should also nominate 2017's A Christmas Story Live musical from Fox, because it's such a missed opportunity. The original cast album is one of my favorite Broadway scores of recent years, but they made too many songs overblown production numbers ("The Genius On Cleveland Street" works better as a solo number and character establishing song for the Old Man, not as some roided-up fantasy sequence), replaced a good song with a so-so one, and shortened other good ones. Then again, not having seen the stage production as yet, I'm not sure how many of its faults come from the TV version's writers and how many come from the revisions to the show. I understand they released the cast album too soon, and the show underwent some serious revisions after its release, changing several lyrics (including the entire opening number's) and adding at least one song which was spotlighted on the Tonys, but isn't on the album.

Sheesh...Diva...you really deserve the Medal of Honor

10:42 Geez, only a little more than halfway through the review and we've already got seven sins here. How bad do you have to be that all your problems are apparent this early on?

This isn't the movie you'd find at the bottom of the barrel, this is the movie you'd find stained into the bottom of the barrel.

0:15 A demon reviews ELF BOWLING? Perfect!

this years christmas musical hell: Santa Claus Is Going To High School

Aww man, they dragged Tom Kenny into this, didn't they? :( No really, the voice of Spongebob Squarepants (among other voices) that got stuck with the role of Dingle

Santa is CLEARLY a White Beard Savior.

Now it's my turn for one of YOUR reviews to give ME PTSD...lol

I just got the notification for your roasting of "Elf Bowling: The Movie" a minute ago. EDIT- 2:44 P.M.: *finishes episode 20 minutes later* I haven't watched this movie in full and yet it made me regret some of my life choices!

Holy crap this was an musical?

A Diva upload takes all the suck out of a Monday.

This reminded me of the Barbie animated movies that came out in the early 2000's. I don't know if it was the poor animation or awkward musical numbers, but all I can think of is Barbie in the Nutcracker lol.

"Vulgarity can be USED in humor, but it shouldn't be the beginning and ending of the joke." THANK YOU. God. This is why I hate shows like family guy and south park, all their humor is 'lol people swearing and being assholes'. Also why I don't have high hopes for hazbin hotel or similar.

I just happened to be bingewatching a load of episodes. What perfect timing!

You should review Rapsittie Steet Kids: Believe in Santa next. That movie has worse animation somehow and is technically a musical.

This was painful, even with the Musical Hell format.

I've a proposal for you, Diva! The 1955 film adaptation of Guys and Dolls. Not a bad production by any means, but it's a case I think worthy of review. (Marlon Brando can't sing.)

'' she meets up with this internet geek and badda boom she's off for body shots'' ''but i don't date without medical records'' ''huh how did my underwear get on backwards?'' HOW IS THIS MOVIE RATED PG

6:21 Hey!!! It’s one of my favorite Thomas narrators!!!

Here's A List Of My Favorite Tom Kenny Characters Going For A Lynch Mob On Killing Dingle: Valhallen (Dexter's Laboratory) Dog (Catdog) Ratbert (Dilbert) Spyro The Dragon (Spyro The Video Game) Spongebob Squarepants (Spongebob Squarepants) Scaramouche (Samurai Jack) Mumbo Jumbo (Teen Titans) Fixit (Teen Titains) Klofange (Xiaolin Showdown) Eduardo (Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends) Commander Peepers (Wander Over Yander) Oswald Cobblepot "The Penguin" (The Batman) Clayface's Hand (Harley Quinn) Simon Petrikov "Ice King" (Adventure Time) Rabbit (Winnie The Pooh)

This movie does get one thing right about pirates-some of them really did resell the more valuable things they stole.

I've watched many reviews for this movie, yet the only person whose mentioned the slavery villain song is Saberspark. Does anyone know if the song was cut out of the movie after some sort of controversy?

Hey musical fans, just an FYI that the Spongebob Bway musical is going to be broadcast on cable sometime this winter (I would love your honest opinion!)