England: A Beginner's Guide 

What I learned while in England is that you guys can drink enough alcohol to kill an elephant and call it a regular night.

Someone, somewhere will believe every word of this....

How I sum up England, as an English person. Tea Tea Fish an chips Roadmen Chavs More tea Posh people FOOTBALL, FOOTBALL even more tea Pie Pasties Schools forcing you to wear uniforms Did I mention the tea yet Castles Patriotism The queen A tiny bit more tea Biscuits Old people Eternal rain And finally, Brexit

“It is permitted to use siblings and pets as weaponry” Me: *Looks at my obese cat*

You forgot to mention the fact that everyone starts melting after the temperature goes over 20°C.

When i have to describe my culture to someone: - fish and chips - alcoholism - knife crime - rain

The only thing we Brits hate more than other people is ourselves. This is accurate

never have i been so offended by something i 100% agree with.

Also, we have a silly amount of accents for how small we are

No one can make fun of the English..... .....quite as well as the English

America: This seems legit Everywhere else: This seems legit England: This seems legit

I like how this absolute bollocks still made me feel very patriotic

I love how this was uploaded on the 4th of July

England: A beginners guide 1. It's not a fucking city

„The national dish of england is called beer.“ germany: Bin ich ein Witz für dich?

I think you forgot about how if you fo anything even slightly out there in public, then all the people in the surrounding area will force you to feel great shame by looking away from you and muttering the words "Tut tut". And the part about how the north and south are at war and how the east and west of the north are also at war, and the only things preventing total bloodbath is an area called the Midlands and a mountain range called the Pennines. And cornwall doesn't really get involved and just does it's own thing, and is part of England in name only. And the town that worships Dracula: Whitby. British people aren't controlled by demons, or demon worshippers, we are the demons.

Came here expecting to learn a few facts about England. Left with a burning desire to move there.

You know you're British When you don't know if Little Arsington is a real place or not Because it actually sounds like a name England would have

i give my own english consent for this to be shown on any flights to england. any other englishpeople (we do many things but we do not assume gender) may add their consent below if they feel the need

Instructions unclear: everyone is fighting France now tf

As a Brit I can confirm this is 100% true

I imagine an elderly Englishwoman walking her dog on a Sunday like "Shame, shame, shame".

as a pure bred englishman, I can say this is 100% true and accurate. however knife crime is our #1 pass-time, especially if you live in South london, birmingham, essex, and many other areas.

The most accurately English thing about this is the overall sarcasm. Great vid :D

I thought he’d be joking and telling lies, but he showed us a documentary

I’m British and this all true. There’s also an island called “egg” near Scotland.

As an English citizen, I can confirm every word of this. This would be especially great advice for people likely to semi-permanently move to England.

I think you'll find that Sundays are actually for dog walking and dogging (ideally not at the same time, that would be weird)

*are other countries not like this......?*

Compared to American attempts this is quite possibly the most accurate thing I've ever seen however you did miss out the fact that the household guard don't wear bearskins as we can no longer afford them, they are expected to grow their hair into position before guard duty or parade

just remember England can go from bright sun to a thunderstorm in a matter of seconds and change back just as quick

Entirely true, The soundtrack to a British person's life, like me, is a bit of good old Elgar. We blast it out of the car windows.

As a tribute to the town names, may I mention that my parents got married in a town called six mile bottom. Its near Cambridge.

I'm a little disconcerted that you failed to mention the 'curfew of silence' that many households impose specifically on the youngest individuals living within it. For those who don't know; essentially, when your parents go to bed, you cannot, and I mean **cannot** legally utter a whisper or flick on a lightswitch, otherwise you'll somehow wake your parents, be swiftly beaten with your own curtain pole and promptly crucified atop a lamp-post. Of course, at 6am in the morning when your parents get up and show zero consideration for the fact that the rest of the house is still asleep as they begin mowing the lawn or turning the TV up to deafening volumes - you aren't allowed to complain. As I'm writing this I'm preparing to escape from this horrific country and their barbaric practices. Wish me luck.

As someone who's had to endure living with the Irish for the past 14 years, this brought tears of joy and yearning to my English eyes. Compliments to the chef indeed

Anyone notice the background is the same as the paper we used for handwriting 😂😂

As an Englishman, I can confirm every single word of this is entirely true, a few weeks ago my eldest brother Edmund had his Eighteenth birthday, he fought my father to the death using our pet bulldog, Winston and my Five year old Sister, Elizabeth. He won and we proceded to celebrate by eating Tea Pie and looking very intensely at pictures of Rachel Weisz. On Tuesday me and my acquaintance Charles Middlehurst The Seventy Third are attending a local jousting competition, I have placed a bet of three shillings on my favourite cat, Destructive Pessimism.

As a British person this dry arse humour is perfection

As a brit, I can confirm this video explains everything correctly.

The americans be like: WE GOT IT ALL WRONG BOYS

As an Irishman, I’ll take this as a “know your enemy” video. Cheers.

As an Aussie, I see nothing strange about this at all. Also, not going to lie, I want to watch spider fighting.

I feel represented and insulted all at the same time

Maths is actually correct as opposed to “math” as it is a shortening of the word mathematics- and when you shorten a word you carry over the plural thingy...

I would like to inform you all that, in compelete honesty that in England​ we never changed the law that says all boys of 14years and older must have long bow lessons

People think he's joking about the knife crime thing but it's actually true, there have been several stabbings at my local McDonald's At least we don't shoot each other

Americans be like “cAn I gEt A bOdDle Of WaDdEr DuUuUdE”

To my knowledge, Little Arsington is now called Garsington.

I live in England and I can say that this is perfectly accurate.

100 percent accuRAT if u know u know

I love how he sprinkles some facts with all the bullshit confusing people even more

As a British person I can completely confirm all of this.

That moment when someone posts your video on facebook and in mere hours it gets 4 million views when the original hasnt passed half a million yet. Thanks, Unilad.

We don’t drink tea 24/7 We drink it 25/7

As a British person I can confirm this is 100% accurate

As a brit, I can confirm that we are all arsonists.

he didn't even mention chavs

when your surprised "England is my city" is not top comment.

As a British person I often revisit this, just to marvel again at its accuracy. Marvellous.

As a resident of England neighbouough, Wales I can confirm all of this.

3:06 England: National dish is Beer German: Hold my Krombacher

You don't live here anymore? How did you manage that? Did you drug the guards?

The funny thing is 'Leg Over Day' is the same day as New Zealand's Waitangi Day, where on February 6th 1840 New Zealand signed a peace treaty with England and became a territory, and I can't stop wondering whether it was on purpose

I had a history of England project to complete so I printed off this video, handed it in and scored an A+ thank you!

Americans be like That seems legit English people be like Seems perfect to me

As a British human being I can clarify that this is all correct

stop it you're making us sound a lot more fun and interesting than we actually are

The implied restaurant conundrum made me belly laugh ...I needed that.

We also have a rare species of vicious creatures called "year 7s" that hide in McDonald's and other popular food chains on bikes. 3.2k wtf Edit: can't believe I have to say this but don't use this an excuse to be classist in the replies, I am working class myself and don't appreciate any of that

I'm English and I can confirm this is true.

I came here looking for a travel guide as I'm thinking of vacationing there soon. Left with something better.

Canada: Everyone is really nice England: Everyone is really nice, just don’t notice the bomb there planting in your apartment

I thought this would be funny, not a documentary

You forgot the part when we all go to Hogwarts.

Oooohhh thank you very much for the advice! I was looking for some infos about England since I'm planning on visiting as soon as that nasty little pandemic is over. Very helpful indeed! 👍

I was supposed to live in England but my mother is allergic to cats and awkardness so we had to move back to our country

Guide 1 : It's not a City

I want to create a game where you get 2 Americans give them nothing but £100 and drop one in Newcastle and the other in Liverpool where they have to talk to the locals to aid them in finding their hotel...the first one to arrive gets to go to London and take pictures of the landmarks.

You forgot the fact that we have regular tea breaks throughout the day. A clock will ring and everyone must stop what they are doing, and make a mug of PgTips

As someone from England I can confirm this is all true I love my jumbo cat ryuji

I have never been so insulted by something so true. Also you forgot to add the part where everyone hates the other towns nearby but everyone hates the local city

National dish in England is called Beer

you forgot the fact that a average british lad will pummel you over football

Much love from Little Arsington

man, Iceland really Earl Greyed you brits.

As a Brit I can confirm this is all very accurate.

Depending on where abouts you live in England depends on wether it is socially acceptable to speak to locals in a polite way

I though this video was serious for like 10 seconds lol

As a british girl living in New Zealand Thanks for teaching me the ways of my home country

One true thing to take away from this video is our sense of humour and our sarcasm

I'm less than a minute in and already crying with laughter this is the funniest thing ive come across all year holy shit how is this so accurate

You know, self isolation in the pandemic was going fine till we ran out of tea.

"It rains a lot, but the people are alright- I don't even live there anymore."

Please keep in mind that this is beginners guide, and there are many more complex facets of the English country, including accents, political systems, and how to figure out which middle name to use for your fourth child. If you wish to fully understand England, you will have to go through a training process that may last up to 50 years.

I thought the walking the dogs thing would lead to a dogging joke.

You think english town names are weird? In Australia we literally have towns called Iron knob and Wagga Wagga. And those are some of the more normal names.

We are also excepted to join the royal guard to protect the old lady in the bigger white house at the age of 4.

This is by far my favourite video on RU-vid

I declare this utter codswallop, you may expect a full codex of my objections by carrier pheasant no later than eleven bong on Tuesday.

As an English person I believe this is the best possible guide to England.