Enneagram: Intro To Type 9 

A whole video just for me? :D

I’m a 9w8 and I’ve noticed with myself when it comes to other people being bullied, suffering etc... I don’t tolerate that nonsense and will speak up. But when it’s directed towards me personally, I tend to tolerate a lot more.

I’m a type 9. My family describe me as very angry and my friends as very calm. I don’t know how that works

9w1 here..... anger/resentment leaks out in exhaustion and illness, oh yes I definitely move to a 6....I feel very unwell when I point out issues. Absolutely Winnie the Pooh....just leave me alone so I can eat hunny

Did you just call me Winnie the Pooh?! That is hilarious! How you described how 9’s view relationships is very accurate for me. It’s how I view my evenings when I come home. I just got done avoiding all this conflict at work. 😂. I want to come home and not have to worry about conflict. All I want is peace and quiet as I get ready for bed and the next day

Thanks Dr Tom. Anger for me as a 9 is somehow suppressed into sadness. I’ve heard it described as anger gone to sleep. So to avoid melancholy I need to speak up in the moment....eek!

Your point about "I see both sides" being a valid opinion and response was such a relief. I am so easily overwhelmed by the "well, what do YOU believe?" question and my immediate response is to go blank or to try to find the easiest way out of the conversation, as you also mentioned. To truly take the stance of the referee, with conviction, feels very liberating. I often feel like I'm not very "opinionated" and never push my stance on people, and have always seen this as a major flaw of mine. But I really enjoy having the bird's eye view-sincerely feeling like I can grasp the needs of everyone in a conversation. Thank you for your videos Dr. Tom!

I wasn't 100% sure I was a 9 but after watching a few of your Intro videos, all the stuff you said about 9s resonates so well, including the "see both sides" and tendency to back away from uncomfortable relationships and drama. I kinda recognized 9 flaws I saw in myself even before I knew what Enneagram was. This vid def gave me some good ideas to improve on, mostly in the "accept some conflict to potentially improve relationships" and "be a good mediator when the time comes". Also I've been liking doing the 9 advice of "take neutrality as your hard stance" and "challenging the people firmly on one side". I kinda started to do that naturally but now I want to try proactively doing it more. Thanks a lot for these vids.

This guy triggers me more than anyone on youtube. So he must be onto something! I feel like being a type nine is being in a recovery group!

This was great, thank you!! I think a big part people don't understand, or believe, about me as a 9 is that so many times...I JUST DON'T CARE. It's not that I can't decide, it's that I don't think many things are important enough to care so much about. I genuinely don't care where we go eat, what movie we watch, what color shirt you wear, etc. It's not that I don't care about the people in my life, I just don't usually see things as enough of a big deal to really care to exert the energy necessary to decide trivial things.

Its so great how seen your 9 daughter must feel with you knowing all this about her! what an amazing bond- from a 9 myself who rarely feels seen!! also as a 9w8 i actually enjoy challenging the status quo as long as it doesn’t involve conflict with people!! i love to travel, have lived abroad, and now own my own successful business having had multiple different jobs in the past. thanks so much for these videos

Wow, how insightful! I took a sociology class and we had a segment about enneagrams, but I didn't read too much into it....here I am like 3 years later, just in awe. So much of what you said makes sense! Can't wait to do some more research and put it into practice.

I believe I'm a 9w8. I like to keep the peace if possible but I do know exactly what I want and what I like and can make choices for myself. For important things I will speak up but otherwise go with the flow and to answer your question. Is it ok for others to get frustrated, irritated, ect? Imo yes feel it but don't be a chronic complainer, do something about it and move on. I don't like it when people show so much emotion but when they challenge me I will challenge back. If I can keep the peace too then I expect them to keep the peace as well.

I really want to send a sincere thank you to you for these valuable videos. You help make the understanding of ourselves and others so much more fun and meaningful. Thank you especially for your help with giving us nine enneagram types a feeling that our voices matter, our opinions - even if middle ground - are still opinions, and that our boundaries need to be adhered to with courage. Thank you for helping us feel listened to.

Being at peace is on my bucket list!

When I withdraw I absolutely believe the other person doesn't really care after all if what I am feeling or thinking matters won't you ask?

I am very important to quite a few people. People are drawn to me because I Understand. I don't condemn them for being themselves. BUT I have boundaries.

Thank you for another information packed video! It's almost like having a personal conversation. Your videos have helped me so much. I am a 9w1 so motivation and being present with MY opinions/feelings are the two things I've really been trying to grow in. The video you talk about saying no to the things you dont want in your yard was a huge eye opener! So was the leaning on 3 to get stuff done. Just those 2 concepts have had a practical impact on how I live.... Thank you 😊

Do any other 9s feel like part of being uncomfortable with conflict has to do with fear of being vulnerable? It is one of my biggest fears and I feel like he got so close to describing this exact thing without actually mentioning vulnerability.

i will never get over how helpful your videos are!! thank u so much :3 esp that part of being able to firmly state that i don't have to choose a side/opinion. it felt like a huge weight off of my shoulders like a big validation hug

Thanks for another great video! Of all the Enneagram explanations out there, yours are the ones that helped me discovery my Type 9 and I love all of your real life application advice! I remember once in college, my dorm floor mates and I went out for pizza. We had a fairly sized group so we ordered two. I made a suggestion (already out of my 9 character!) and we ordered it as one of the options. Later I realized I was the only one who ate the one I suggested because no one else liked the toppings, and I felt HORRIBLE that we didn't order one everyone could share. Also I realized I do tend to do the gradual retreat from relationships. I never thought of how it is perceived by the other person before, you made a great point that I will definitely think about and work on. It's funny how the 9's decisions to avoid conflict can ultimately end up creating more conflict.

Great video as always, Dr. Tom! The distinction at the very beginning between peace "keeper" versus peace "maker" struck a cord with me. Love your videos!

This is 🤯🤯. I have never had anyone so in my head. Thanks for this video it helped me understand me a lot!

This really helps me see myself more clearly. Introspection is not the easiest for us 9s. Thank you, Dr. Tom!

9 here...👋🙋‍♀️ My husband - 8 My sister - 6 My mom - 1 😆😜 Great video! Thank you! And, yes, I agree... Sometimes I just don't really care about things and everyone around me has all of these strong opinions and I'm just like, yeah, I can see that and that and that and don't really care much about any of it and everyone just needs to chill out 🥴

How informative. 6 married to 9. We’ve been accused of becoming each other during extremely stressful situation (grief for example). Thank you. Just finding your channel. Easier to “yeah” the info on 9 easier than 6. It was great when you said ouch as your narrative moved into your 7 self. At the beginning of my enneagram journey I preferred to see myself as a 7. But the sin and the center motive made it so clear.

I did a Truity test and my high score was a 9 but my second highest is 4. Very interested to look at the 4 video next.

Thank you!! We're a special number to get our own video.

this is totally perfect for what I'm going through right now... thank you!

I am 4w5 but ..was almost a tie with 9. I do see both sides. Also a infp mediater. Understanding and tolerant. But can be angry when I see unfairness. Tend to be oppositional defiant against people with corrupt power and authority. I am not a troublemaker. Had to work on and develop emotional maturity and intelligence. Highly sensitive empath problems. Myself. True on listening to your own inner voice. Navigating conflict was spot on.

I'm an INFP - the mediator

“Going to sleep to anger” yes yes. If I’m frustrated about something it just makes me tired. And more frustrated. Self defeating.

I’m actually laughing throughput ❤️

enfp 9w1 sx/sp and i am truly amazed with the way u explain things the way u described the referee and the two teams perfection. u helped me so much I'm thankful at first i thought i was a 7w6 then 7w8 then 2w1 then 4 and honestly its so hard at nine cause u base it off ur actions and when u merge with others yeah u did those actions but its not really you but yeah idk if I could've one it without u truly grateful ;)

I just took the enneagram for the 1st time and my results are 5,2 & 9 and after listening to your videos I definitely see 5 & 9 more than 2 (that comes in with my role as spouse/mother maybe) but anyways- I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful videos!!! 🙏🏻❤️

Good advice!

omfg the back out thing on realtionship without saying anything it's totally me

I feel like us 9s need a whole video to ourselves.

Conflicts normal, right, but have you understood, on the other hand, that unresolved conflict is also part of life? And that, if Marty wants to know why I disappeared from his life, he could also choose the courageous stance and reach out? Not saying this to justify the 9 position, just objecting about your term "the normal person point of view" or what it was that you called it. Oh - and in the situation where team red and team green just don't accept why the other sees it like they do, I'd probably just respond with a "perhaps what you perceive as green is what they perceive as red, so in fact you like the same thing, it just doesn't look that way." And if they then tell me that I can't see it that way, I'll say that then a miracle must have happened because I am then somehow doing the impossible." They probably won't like that answer and even feel like I'm not taking them seriously, so they'll confront me again, and if I feel so inclined, I will then tell them that "I know. But the problem is not my opinion, the problem is that when you say 'you can't, you actually mean 'I don't like the fact that you won't take sides. And that is fair. I understand how frustrating that is. But it's not on me. People aren't always as we want them to be, and that's a fact. You may think that I'm hiding something from you because that's the only way for you to make sense of this. I'm not, unless I'm also hiding it from myself but even if I were, that's also something which people do from time to time. We may not like it, so we get frustrated. And I'm sorry to have caused you to get frustrated, but there's no way that you can make me agree with you. Can you own that? I hope so, because you are fully entitled to have your opinion and even be mad at me for not sharing it." And then I might withdraw and they won't hear from me for a long time because I'm so exhausted by standing firm and not just going with the flow that I fear that if I engage with "Marty" again anytime soon, I will not have the strength to hold down my inner rage and then fire and brimstone will hail from the heavens and not just cause frustration but serious harm. "Wow, that can't be a 9 saying that, 9's are so accomodating and easygoing, they don't hold the capacity for thoughts and feelings like that!" Well, again - if you choose to stand firm on that belief, so be it. I know that I don't own other people's impression of me, and I am just not inclined to pick a fight over how you see me. Peace and out!"

Still rolling in laughter so glad I watched call this s n l do mime 🤔🤪from 8 s of world

Oh nice!

Sigma 1-5-1-4-5 INFJ-T_9 Aquarian II. When I was turned on to numerology the numbers seemed quite fitting. More so than my rather fitting astrological sign. Shortly after that I was informed about personality typing at 38 years old. Once I was typed I started researching and felt like I was reading a user manual for my mind. Some said that I may want to back up that information with enneagram typing. That was really the cherry on top. Combined, each of these methods of “grouping” or “typing” was like reading my something I could have written about myself. If I was able to explain things as clearly as came across in my mind. It’s been one of the most satisfying feelings to find out I’m not weird or defective just a rare breed. Thank you for sharing your knowledge on the light and dark or healthy/ unhealthy enneagram 9, in one video. It helped me understand myself in a lifetime where I’ve felt almost deficient because on a planet of 7 plus billion I’d never met anyone like myself to confer about these things. Sure wish I would have understood all of this information earlier in life, but better late than never!!! Thank you.

Nice "intro" video, haha. You do have a lot of great information though! Not that I'm guilty of any of it :P

Hahah. "I am a 7. I got distracted. You are lucky that I can even do this much, aren't you?" :*

I think I’ve let myself be run over in order to keep peace for years and I’m angry about it now.

Hi Dr Tom, just wondering about thoughts on what enneagram may fit Naomi Osaka? I'm watching her newly released documentary and can identify with her in some ways. I'm a 9w1 and wonder if she would be similar. Thoughts?

I seem to be a solid 9 with a strong 5

Im stuck in a job that i dont like, Ive procastinated on finding a new one and Im afraid that quiting will create conflict.

In some serious help for career advice for a 9… getting out of sales (thankGodness) struggling hard to find a new career and job. THANKS IN ADVANCE

the way you describe type 9 seems like type 5??? "The name given to this subtype is "Castle," which communicates this person's need to be encastled - to be able to hide behind or be protected by walls. Psychologically (and sometimes physically), Self-Preservation Fives build thick walls to protect themselves from the world and from other people."

18:00 So you're saying I have to spy on myself. lol

21:12, 28:21 *looks at the others* "what's the right answer?"

Im a 6w7 but 9w8 sounds too familiar as well

This is my son ... So hurtful ...

okay, so can one be a 9w1 but still speak up for others when they feel injustice happening?? ´cause im still not sure about my wing and usually either do that or try to change the topic as fast as possible, depending on who im speaking with and who im defending.

Trying to schedule appointments with anyone is not as easy as you illustrate

After watching this I am 100% sure that I am a 9w8 and not a 8w9. Though, idk because I can't find anything about ENTJs being a 9. I've seen them being 8 and that's why I thought I was an 8 as an Entj. Now I'm questioning if I'm actually an ENTJ, but everytime I take the test I get ENTJ. Anyone have any info on this or ideas?

How am I suppose to blend in when there is a whole video about my type??? 😅

I really don’t wanna watch this...I don’t like 9 at all but I’m stuck 40 years..torture with this man 👨

I am very surprised that you didn’t go in to the nine being the head of the Instagram and all the great points about the nine I mean you should’ve started with that if you’re going to do a video let them really know they’re the most Christ like there’s a head there really the only one with any sense between threes in the sixes

Stitches literally stitches that these people exist...

Nah, this guy understands very little about Enneagram types.