Can’t believe I’m getting back to this one year later, don’t know how it slipped by me. But I love that appreciation and openness. As a four, who is leaning more and more into the five over the years, I relate. Thanks for diving in and engaging with the material. So so sorry for the delay. Drew
Thanks for this, Drew. I'm a social 5w6, and I really appreciated what you said about finding a place for your head and your heart to meet. For me that was doing theatre and studying acting. It allows you to nerd out in studying the text, using a character's words and actions to decipher their motivations, but also requires you to throw all that work away on stage in favor of trusting your impulses, knowing that the work you've done is informing those impulses. It also requires you to trust and work with others, and to make yourself vulnerable enough to let them affect you and not to stifle your emotional response. For me, that was beautiful therapy that I didn't realize I needed, and it's helped me enormously throughout my twenties. Thanks again for the video. And, yes, the scenery is unbelievable; hope you didn't work too much on your trip haha.
Sorry for the delay on this, Joshua, I’m actually back in Switzerland now a year later and working just as hard as I did then. I actually am not taking too much break for relaxing when I’m here, they are kind of work trips. I love that acting helped you Continue to grow. I remember when I took improv classes to stretch my ego stuckness. It was so healing for me to let go in that way as well. So many unique paths to growth when we start searching for them well. Thanks for watching and engaging with the material, pretty powerful to read a year later as I sit back here in Switzerland, preparing to do more work. Keep it up, Drew
I'm a 5 that would live in a box if it meant I got to travel the world. Us 5s that are INTPs especially love to travel. Other 5s like Carl Jung and Charles Darwin discovered a ton while traveling.
I’m an INTP, 5w4 and recall being that kid that was with travelling, but had unfortunately little opportunity to travel due to the fact that my parents made little money. Once I did get to travel, I greatly enjoyed it as it gave me a great sense of exploration.
Normally, It is hard for me to watch videos on the Enneagram because a lot of “Teachers “ are simply regurgitating either Riso/Hudson or Beatrice Chestnut’s take on the Enneagram with very little authenticity or originality to their approach. I “discovered” this video today and I was pleasantly surprised and impressed with the thoroughness and genuineness of this video. Social 5 here and new subscriber.
That’s awesome! Thanks Totem, I too was a bit uninspired by what was out there so wanted to add some layers to the conversation and some personality. Hope you stay along for the journey Did you watch the enneagram 5 subtypes video?
Thank you for sharing the video❤ I am 5. I believe that my life needs to be organized to feel good. I like learning and improving things. I need to find the balance between learning and rest. When I do too many things and I am not relaxed I could be at my worst time. What makes me happy is working with my clients as a coach and spending the morning with my favorite drink. I am a good listener and I connect dots pretty fast. I can read people like a book. I have a good intuition. I have boundaries and when something is off I am ok to say NO. The most important to me is to be honest with myself. In my free time, I like exploring a new place, and love nature. I also meditate and it helps me feel connected.
Thanks for watching and for sharing - you got a good grip on you! If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Either way, I appreciate you Drew
1. I just bought The Art of Travel at a library book sale! 2. On the Braveheart quote: “you can take my life but you can never take my freedom!” - I’ve said before that your mind is one of the very few things that no one can take away from you (try though some may), so it’s well worth nourishing. Job loss, war, troubled relationships, even old age may take all else, may even wear at your mind’s function a bit, but probably won’t take all of it. 3. I didn’t even notice the lighting. Thank God for loved ones who have a sense of aesthetics and look out for me. 4. Thank you for referencing the internal personal library! I say that I retreat there and put conversations on the loudspeaker while I peruse the books that might be relevant. It’s good when I find something to share that is welcome in the conversation, bad when it leads to that flat affect and delayed responses. I’m very sorry for the damper that puts on normal conversation. 5. Therapy’s wonderful. You get to learn about yourself, the one person you can’t get away from. And you out there, with all of your rabbit holes of thought, undiscovered emotions, life circumstances, proclivities, and more, are very interesting and worth understanding. Like everyone else, I have a bit of work to do on me, but I’m very thankful for the Enneagram community to help articulate, understand, and take in the emotions of that work. Thanks!
I enjoyed the content of your comment, but specifically want to thank you for the numeration… clear thinking and clearly formatted for the reader! Well done. 😊
i related to everything apart from the fashion thing - i love fashion esp winter and fall fashion. i do have trouble expressing myself out of that fear of rejection (the smothering, too) so i don’t really show it so 50/50 on that one in particular ig. great video tho! i loved it.
" Will be to take a hole in for at least a week, and spend it in entirely in beer and in talk, without any reference to clock". I was smiling from ear to ear as I hear that.
Sorry for the delay on this, I’m just seeing it now as I sit here, and Switzerland, ready to do some more work. But yes, what a amazing thing to spend your time doing with friends. No references to the clock given, I love it. Drew
Thanks Benjamin. So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks again Drew
I would say that I definitely have strong emotions as a 5w4 in fact they can be so strong that they are incapacitating and I have to take antidepressants just to function. I'm frightened of them if I'm honest, and prefer my analyzing functions and detachment just to survive. But it comes at a steep cost.
Based on the 5’s I’ve worked with you are not alone my friend. Thanks for expressing yourself here! Appreciate you watching If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Either way, I appreciate you Drew
I don’t know how often you come across this, but I almost equally identify with traits of the four and five. Years back my therapist suggested I take the test and when my highest score was five (with four being just a point lower) she said she had been secretly convinced I was a five. Though I later discovered the deep need to be unique rings more true. As it has revealed itself by coming off a bit arrogant by feeling unique for the way I think. Anyway, my reason for bringing this up is I have found that I have to study both (in truth I study all the numbers) to capture how I evade the present moment. In the four space it happens by being in constant search of an identity. As I am taking on the feelings of the environment, which brings on the fear of “wait, who am I?” Then the pendulum swings as I go into deep, isolated research to discover ‘truth’. This can be a gift when healthy. Yet the opposite when it is overdone. What I have noticed is by seeing these habitual thoughts (trained awareness) and not react, I immediately plunge into a portal of the present moment. A place where I don’t just have access to my other wing (three) but all numbers and experience a more holistic existence. The five in me was reluctant to share this, but I would be remiss to keep it all for myself. Appreciate the work you do.
I was really confused if I was a 4 or a 5 for a long time and I would type as both almost equally. If you feel a lot and often you are probably a 4w5. I realized I had a very pronounced w4 when I was a teenager but as I grew into my late 20s and 30s I have come to find that I think more than I feel. It was difficult for me to accept that I am a 5w4 because I still have that need to be unique and have a purpose. As I lean into this I realize that I am and it doesn’t matter anyways.
Yeah. I’ve found this experience with a number of clients and friends. Sometimes it just takes time and sometimes it remains difficult to choose. You seem to have a great beat on the process. Taking the pressure off yourself to find out is always my goal. Just learn learn learn. Thanks for sharing, think a lot of people probably relate Drew
@@drewnewkirk Oh, I am most definitely a four (SP). I realize could have been more clear haha. I was just highlighting how heavy my five wing is and how much I relate to your latest video. Also, how I observe my five tendencies along with my four to catch myself in old patterns.
Yes I took a more long in depth test and I score evenly it took me couple years to settle on me being a 5w4 sx/SP sometimes I still like man but that 4 is sooooo strong but it’s super hard to find 5w4 sx info sexual info is hard to find period. But there was a few things that finally clicked but I def relate almost equally with my 4 but my 5 edged out on just a few minute details. The stress and growth was a huge thing for me and this video we’re what clinched that I was a 5w4 but it took few years. Glad I am not alone
Right in about the emotions. I have a very hard time discerning emoji when texting. I am a hetero 65 male 5s. I wear hot pink toenail polish to remind me to not take myself too seriously.
Love this! Pink is an underrated accent for men… and the not taking yourself too seriously is an amazing use of toenail polish - I may try that 🙌🏼 Drew If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop me your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR AT drew@drewnewkirk.com - hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
I like them all 😉 So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks again Drew
Social 5w4. I describe myself as “imagine if Spock & Tim Burton had a baby”. I love nature, but pictures don’t do it for me. It’s the moment. It’s putting my hand in the dirt, the chinook in my face, the smell of the grasslands after a rain, and the cold of the snow on my skin. It’s the immersion of the experience I connect to 😊 It’s spiritual. 5w4 types are insanely creative but I swear that just because 5’s enjoy their secret and rich inner worlds that somehow people think we’ve stepped out of Equilibrium with a lifetime supply of Prozium II. Also, we experience emotion rather epically… but it’s different that how other’s experience it. It’s like watching our lives as a movie reel and we are watching it alone. That’s why it sounds cold when we explain how we are feeling. We are more likely describing an experience of that feeling rather than the feeling itself. We don’t like explaining the plot lines, so we just don’t 😂 Just know we generally WILL NOT connect to you emotionally… I’m sorry 4’s. You are barking up the wrong tree. We will connect to you spiritually and logically, but emotionally is not a place we like… like, at all. Most emotions literally “feel” icky, disturbing, and unwelcome, even some of the good ones.
I’m about 13 minutes in, and what you are saying resonates deeply. I’ve literally been going through some interview processes, and wondering why I am just not good at remembering stories and situations. I never realized my childhood could have caused this inability. I was literally just telling one of my managers that I remember the solutions to the problems that each situation provided, but the situations are vary vague.
I see this all the time in my work with clients. Keep digging in the past, you’ll have to work doubly hard to remember but it’s there. But, yeah, it’s hard to bring them to the surface without so many memories attached
Very relatable. I am a female 5 and I thought I was a 4 or a 6 at first (because I act more effeminate and histrionic due to socialization and for comedic effect) but this set it in stone because I related to most everything in here (though I'm sure I will overthink it again). I agree that my sense of power and enlightenment is ultimately from a sense of knowing, making sense of everything, and quasi-omniscience. That's what helped a lot, and I think the question of power would help others with their numbers more. Not "what is your fear?" but "what gives you a feeling of power?"
Wow!!! Amazing. I usually don't comment, but I have been working on expanding my consciousness, and your words really ring true about me as a 5. I love knowledge, travel and beauty. I enjoy solitude, my happy place. Balancing my head and heart resonates. Many many thanks for this content!
So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching and sending along that affirmation! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks again Drew
Fantastic video! Thank you so much for making this! You are very insightful and spot on. I feel so seen, and it is very reassuring to me. I love Switzerland, and your time lapses are incredible! I am a 5w4 and my wife is a 4w3. We have a great relationship, however when juxtaposed to a very deeply feeling 4 I recognize that my life lacks the emotional depth and color that I could experience. Your channel has been a blessing to us because we are able to better understand each other through the enneagram. I look forward to hearing an instinct video for 5s when you make one 🙏
I love when couples watch together. So smart. And thanks for the affirmation. The 5 subtypes are done just gotta post produce it but it’s coming Aaron! Drew
I appreciate the length you went to, to go in depth with all of your Enneagram videos. These videos not only help me better understand myself personally, but they also help me with characters in a book that I'm currently working on. MBTI & Enneagram were suggested to help get a better feel/understanding of the type of character and the role they'll play overall in the story.
That’s f…ing awaesome. Please send it along when you’re done. I decided to do long form because I wanted to honor each number and not slack on this content or make it enneagram lite. Your words help me keep going knowing there are deep souls out there using it well. Thank you Zac! I’m humbled Drew
Thanks! One of the best 5's videos I've ever seen. Very differentiated and deep, with a lot of understanding, empathy and challenges. As a sexual 4, I would have liked a little more about partnering with 5s. This has been brought up, i know, but as always i'm voracious in my relationship learning. I have been researching the 5 for a long time and am trying to understand them more and more deeply. What she needs, what helps her, what helps the other... I found the part with the emotional acting out very exciting for the 5. I would like to know more about this, because I have never heard of it like this, although I have experienced it myself. Drew, I am very glad that I discovered your work and am now unwrapping it piece by piece as a gift. It's just different hearing all this from a 4, with all their own experience and passion. Great. Unfortunately English is not my main language, but I really want to understand what you are saying. So practice practice practice - could activate my 3-wing 😁🦋
I guess I didn't understand everything in the smallest detail 🤭.. the 4 is always in self-optimization anyway, I can continue right away 🤪. For me it is incredibly comforting that I am not alone on the path and of course it is great to hear the Enneagram from a 4th perspective. Although I have done the Enneagram Practitioner and have been doing it for a number of years, there is still so much to discover. At some point I will also become visible with the 4 talents you mentioned and then, yes then.. veremos que pasa 🤓. Thanks for your reaction, my friend 🦋
God bless you, DREW, for these beautiful and smart deep descriptions of what an ENNEAGRAM 5 represents inside out. Amazing views inside out (character traits and awesome Swiss landscapes)! - I decided to share this fabulous video with someone, who might find out, that he is a 5 - thanks so much, dear Drew.
@@drewnewkirk I just did it intuitively, as it is a very retreated person - and whatever I share with people, I never expect anything, yet hope it works for good .... thanks again, nice to feel welcome - Pat with a smile :-)
As a social/sexual 5 I relate alot to 4 as well. Definitely am in the head/fear triad. I LOVE to travel also! I went to Europe by myself for 6 weeks when I was 22.
Wow ty, definitely I have no desire to make you feel small with my intellect I certainly didn't admire and respect your emotional intelligence but you're right it does have that effect but thank you for this this was a very good to hear I'm going to have to watch it a couple times. Sincerely a five-wing four ty
@@davidpapojr8531 thank you so much my David. And thanks so much for watching! Glad it helped - the 5’s keep getting better with time for me 😉 If interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks again for reaching out Drew
@@davidpapojr8531 thank you so much my David. And thanks so much for watching! Glad it helped - the 5’s keep getting better with time for me 😉 If interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks again for reaching out Drew
Thank you for your videos. Love to listen as I work. Good quality, and understanding. Just pointing out.. as a 5w4, I couldn't actually listen to the church bells, and let myself go back into beautiful memories of mine in peace. You told us to listen, then spoke the whole way 😅 It felt unfortunate, but I loved the accidental irony. Still love your content!
As I’m back in Switzerland now, and listening to the church bells, I both appreciate your comment, but also know that I wasn’t making RU-vid’s on church bells. I hope was that you could do both at the same time, but I know this is difficult. so let’s just have a laugh about it and move on 😂 But ultimately, thanks for watching and listening and engaging. It’s always cool to know. People are out there taking it in, even if it isn’t perfect. So sorry for the delay, the last few months have gotten away with me with work. And, of course, I’m back in Switzerland to do even more work. But I think you for checking in and letting me know you were watching, appreciate you. Drew
@@CapriVibess I took it mostly as a joke but the written word can be tricky to read in to. Either way, thanks for watching Ugh, there go those church bells again 😂
I have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style as a sexual 5. It may be fearful avoidant. My I was definitely more anxious and my ex-partners more avoidant. I think the other 2 types of 5s are nearly all dismissive avoidants. It is possible ALL the sexual subtypes lean anxious. All the social types lean avoidant. And the self preservation types are in the middle as fearful avoidants.
This is true. I used to journal a TON and it was very cathartic but when I reviewed my writings it felt vulnerable and lacked revelation. So I quit lol, I should take it back up for its own sake and not for fear of exposure or lacking some expository genius.
Hey Drew, thanks so much for these videos. I'm an unhealthy self pres 5w4 who has only just discovered the enneagram (4 days), was immediately blown away by it and have hardly been able to think of anything else since (predictably I'm devouring all this new information). I have just found your channel tonight and as I'm a bit spiritual and like the mystical/ esoteric think I probably found the enneagram because I'm now ready to start trying to get healthier. But I think I've probably found your channel because I have an unhealthy sx 4w5 little brother who is really not in a good place right now, hasn't been for over 2 years now and I want to help him get healthy too. Problem is I'm struggling with his emotional way of being (I loved the analogy about the the emotions at the last compartment of the train compared to the engine room 😂) and he's taking too much of my precious energy. I can't get my brother to even look at the types cos he's far too much of an individual to fit a type and he's too busy wallowing in his self-pity and despair. I'm gonna spend time and learn more (of course I am) about this and about me but, cheeky question, as a cool, intelligent 4, and therapist to boot, could you please pass on any tips on how I can help my little brother?
I hate that I’m reading this now. Months later David. These last few months have been crazy busy and I have been really shitty at getting back to people on this platform. So so sorry for the delay. I like where you’re at with your brother, you have to prioritize you right now. People often have to fall far enough down to get help and when their family and friends are trying to do the work for them, they sometimes get in the way of this fall. Of course, the fall could be even more extreme, and sometimes lead to disaster, but I wonder if it’s not worth taking that risk so that you don’t fall with them, trying to fix them as they don’t want to fix themselves. I’m hoping the last three months have been a continual growth process for you and working on your stuff, not others. as a five, and a deep dive kind of guy, you might find all the ways that you could help your brother. But he hast to do that on his own. All you have to do is be there for him when he is ready to go to the next level. I do love that you love him well and you are worried about him. That sometimes is the most important thing. Thanks for engaging with this continent and again, sorry for the delay, I hope to be more on top of that these days. Drew
@@drewnewkirkthanks for the reply, don't feel bad about the delay. I'm doing alright and I've kinda lost patience with my little brother so I have left him to get on with it. He's got a job and his vindictive ex wife has eventually agreed to the divorce which should hopefully allow him to start to get out of the limbo he's been stuck in. Anyway, thanks again for the time and effort you put into your videos, much appreciated. Peace and love to you 👍
PS I've been busy / distracted /from my little brother's issues partially cos I've started seeing another classic unhealthy type 4 who reminds me of my brother and has totally fallen for me (as seems to be the way for hppelessly romantic type 4's). I'm very conflicted as to whether to try to help (or is it save) her from her self loathing/ anxiety or whether to try to fix myself first. I like using the knowledge i have learned while hoovering up ideas to help good people and it's great to feel so loved but I really don't know if I'm doing the right thing by continuing the relationship as I can't see it lasting long term unless maybe she becomes "healthier" 😬 I see you have responded to countless comments on here so please don't feel the need to respond unless you instinctively feel you have any advice from the little information I have provided. Cheers
@@davidmcarthur8843 no problem, David, hope things continue to work out for good. Ain’t an easy life is it. Keep fighting the good fight and I will too. Drew
@@davidmcarthur8843 here’s the advice I would give man, as I get older I have less time to waste on bullshit. If I find that a person is considerably less healthy than me I’m just not going to waste my time. That gap might be too big and I’m not gonna stop continuing to grow so even if we grew at the same pace, I’ll still be way ahead of them. So I think the question you have to ask yourself is, how old does this person feel, how old are they emotionally, and then ask yourself how old are you emotionally. if it matches up, fine, then you can grow together. But if you’re ahead of them, buy a good lap or two, then they might never be able to catch up. So not knowing the exact circumstances I’d say, yes, if it’s not a waste of your time, then keep going, but if it is, you don’t have much time left in life, so use it wisely. All of this was done with voice recognition so if there’s lots of grammar mistakes, that’s why, 😂 Drew
When 5s are in stress we go to both lines of connections equally. And we go to the high side of 7 and 8 equally. Just as we go to our wings equally and we have 3 Tritypes. Enneagram is about 3s. Naranjo stated he was misquoted regarding so called "disintegration" and "integration." That we go to both the high and low side of the arrows equally. Don't keep passing along this error. Those that know the most about the origins of the Enneagram tend to not pass it along. Be one of those now is my suggestion.
I love how certain you are about everything. I’m not and Naranjo is definitely not my only authority nor do I worship at his feet. Jung was the best example of being an original but suggesting that others would refine and work with his great insight and play with it. Must play with it actually. Freud’s fatal flaw was that he didn’t do this. You’ve claimed you know this person and that person’s enneagram type which I hope you do, those assertions if correct will give you a guide, but I find it a bit odd that you’re doing that when Naranjo and Chestnut teach against typing others. Seems to be a contradiction While enneagram works in 3’s it also works with imbalances - I personally and in my work have seen these imbalances actually be closer to this error Naranjo corrected. So have many others. I play with the wording at times and perhaps high and low are too loose or don’t get at the gradients but they are a place holder as much of the work being done on this relatively new tool are.
@@drewnewkirk Naranjo typed himself as a social 5. I did not type him. If that is what you are referring to. Katherine Fauvre, who created tritype, has also emphasized numerous times that Naranjo directly told her and others he was misquoted about "Disintegration" and "Integration." Basically one night in the early 70s Naranjo raised the possibility to his class while he was teaching that going to one arrow is better than the other. But THAT SAME NIGHT he told his class to discard the idea. Unfortunately, Robert Oaks (or one of his associates I can't remember), who was in that class, wrote it down and disseminated it through the Catholic pipeline. Unfortunately Naranjo did not get back into teaching the Enneagram until the 1990s. And when he did he rejected the "disintegration" and "integration" nonsense and then added the 3 subtypes. Once again, the Enneagram works in 3s. Neither one of the subtypes are better than each other. Neither of the wings is better than each other. And neither of the 2 arrows are better than each other. Those that know the most of the Enneagram discard the "Disintegration" and "Integration" nonsense that was incorrectly attributed to Naranjo. Beatrice Chestnut and Katherine Fauvre disregard it. Naranjo discards it and rejects authorship of it. And Ichazo never touched it. Riso/Hudson's book propagated it. But they only went on the notes from Naranjo's students. And wrote a wonderful book. Unfortunately the "Integration" and "disintegration" error went with it. I think if Riso was still around and Naranjo told him the error that he would likely have rejected it. I am giving you an opportunity to as well. As I like your channel. And I want you to be as accurate as you can as you grow. Fauvre is coming out with a new book soon that I think will document the "integration" and "disintegration" error. Unfortunately it is the one stain on the Enneagram. And more and more authors who know the actual teachings of Naranjo and Ichazo are rejecting it.
im a 5 but also a infj. my question is... do all 5 have not connect to their heart despite what mbti they are ? since most infj are empath and it will always include feelings...?? Thanks before~
Great question Eric, and my answer is that many fives are very empathic and in touch with their emotions. But I would say many of those types of fives have a strong four wing, might even be a “hard” four which means that’s their second highest score when testing. But in general it’s hard for many fives to get in touch with their emotions, but then there are always going to be a percentage that have a good connection to it but they might have a unique way of expressing it. Does that make sense?
@@drewnewkirk yes, in that case i agreed. i start to learn about my religious when i was around 27, and since that i never believe the concept that "i am smart" because fives are people who were thirst for knowledge. it is god that make me smart despite all the flaws and i accept that, like it or not haha.. Thanks Drew.
@@ericdsid3718 I like your inquisitiveness Eric. And, I think while God made you smart God also is very ok with you getting smarter and smarter 😉 Keep up the hunt for the soul Drew
Ugh. It was finished quite a while back but having a difficult time getting one clip to my post producer Hopefully I can get him it tomorrow It’s been a weird anomaly Be patient with me andrew 🤦♂️ Drew
