Tears are at least partially my goal Justin. Thanks for watching and getting it. It was a labor of love and I had folks like you in mind when I put it together, Drew
Man, this resonates so well with me it's uncanny. The late bloomer topic was on point too. I'm in my late 20s and I just now feel like I'm starting to get a handle on my path in life. Up until a couple years ago I kept running away from my creative desire to express how I feel for fear of being rejected by my often dramatic taste in things. It's comforting to know that this is a characteristic of the 4 nature. Thanks for the inspiration Drew :)
No doubt E. Keep refining that taste and creative desire and it will continue to find roots. You’re already doing the hard work of confronting your shadow. I’m excited to see how this will play out for you Drew
When I saw how long this video is, I knew I came to the right place. So tired of all the sites that just read the standard type 4 description over and over. Thanks for taking the time to do a really deep dive on Type 4.
Trust me, I’m with you. I want all the juicy stuff so I treat these the same way. Try to respect the viewers intelligence and resilience Thanks for getting it! Drew
Yeah, to understand and 4, I think it's necessary to go to a redeemed 4. We are so introspective that it would take a special non-4 to understand. Richard Rohr comes close.
There's a saying at least in Spanish, don't know if there's the same in English, that we believe we are thinkers beings with emotions, but in reality we are emotional beings that think. I believe this too. So I can tell there's nothing more energy demanding than being an emotional rationalizer. A 4; the people whom rationalize, think, analyze emotions. Emotions are the haviest thing, the more energy requiring
Hilarious. I was always told in writing assignments growing up that “saying ENOUGH is never the issue” 😅 but getting to the point (I like details!) lol. And people telling me in college I text like I talk 🙈. To this day my type 8 husband tells me I don’t have to put so much emotion into my texts (because it drains me at times - and he sees that). I never knew that was a 4 thing but makes sense! Feeling deeply validated by your videos and I am so grateful! Thank you for all your time, thought and compassion going into these!!
Your videos are amazing - so thoughtful and spot on. Being a 4 and listening to your 4 series, your content has really helped me in my journey of understanding myself, accepting myself and, most importantly, being more aware of my actions/reactions so I can keep evolving to a more balanced state of being. Thank you for sharing your knowledge...and in such a cool, light-hearted (and, at times, very humorous) way : )
Always the goal Monica. As someone on the journey as well, trying hard to find balance, it’s nice to know you’re on the ride as well 🙌🏼 Thanks for the inspiration and for watching, Drew
Wow such a deep understanding. I have never felt so seen and part of a group of others like me ( sadly I’m alone on the day to day but at least is good to know there are others in similar position)
So sorry for the delay. Ha! We have to laugh at ourselves. I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out Drew
Thanks Drew. I was listening to this on the road after some exhauting days caring for my old mom. .Yes, this is a good image: We (4w3) need to learn to dance between our longing to be seen and accepted by others and our need to be alone .I agree that after 40 it is getting easier to dance on this tightrope of a 4-life...not less intensive but less compulsive...and certainly: a retreat in the Swiss mountains from time to time helps a lot. Have a good time! Gruezi! And I love Rilke too, therefore: "“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue.”
I’m trying to be a little more fun as I do more of these. Know that I know so many folks who watch I kinda think about the folks watching a bit more and feel like I’m interacting more acutely with you guys. It’s pretty rewarding Thanks for watching Kristi
Painfully accurate, Drew! Thanks for this video, full of deep insights... I'm a 459 self-preservation who turned 44 yesterday...I appreciate your work...
Welcome to the 44 club. I’ve only been in this club since April, have no idea who runs the club or where the meetings are but I know I’m not alone in being 44 😂 It’s a great Ava to start leaning in to more and more hard work of the soul. Appreciate you! Drew
Hot damn. 🔥 🔥 🔥 Why does this sound like myself talking to myself? Unreal! I’ve had to watch in 12-15 min increments, to pause and breath it in, bit by bit. What a gift 💝 🙏🏼
I’m 5 minutes in and stopping already to comment (and I never comment). You have been such a gift to me lately. It’s hard to find material on 4’s that resonates. Thank you for this. Can’t wait to listen to the rest.
I’m not a commenter either Andrew so I appreciate this. Hope the rest of this served you. As someone who was to keen on what was out there for us 4’s either it’s cool to know this is resonating Appreciate you Drew
Thanks Drew. I was listening to this on the road after some exhauting days caring for my old mom. .Yes, this is a good image: We (4w3) need to learn to dance between our longing to be seen and accepted by others and our need to be alone .I agree that after 40 it is getting easier to dance on this tightrope of a 4-life...not less intensive but less compulsive...and certainly: a retreat in the Swiss mountains from time to time helps a lot. Have a good time! Gruezi!
Drew! Hopped in late, gotta go back and catch up. I hoped in at feeling alone, but also choosing to be. As a 4 and INFP, I've realized I feel like I want to think like everyone else to feel more normal, but my mind goes to a place so individual unique, I understand how you say we choose to go there. So definitely feel a constant internal battle of what you're saying! 👍🏻 great stuff, always enjoy the 4 videos
You always will feel that a bit, sticking out is both courageous and lonely and filled with doubt. I hear you and relate Watch till the end, I hopefully give a hopeful conclusion that will motivate Drew
That was amazing... thank you Drew. As a type 4, I beat myself for standing out creatively and emotionally when it made me a target for ridicule at times. Especially around other men. This video has inspired me to reframe my thinking. I also did a TED talk recently and spoke about a hugely painful event in my life. I was scared of looking like I was playing victim but it has been received as art. Viewers have said it was like a gift that let them see life in a new way. And now I know why. Embracing my gift!
You doing a TED talk has my envy up 😂 But seriously, that’s awesome. You went with boldness and I’m sure you’ll continue to. It’s inspiring to stand in your truth which I’m sure the viewers experienced at a very deep level. Thanks for watching man, but mostly thanks for being inspired to keep in your boldness Drew
Wow amazing !! I'd love it if you shared the link of your Ted talk please 🙏 I love Drew's work and about to get into listening to this episode. I also love how people engage , share so deeply in these comments , but that's how we 4s are !!
@@blanchemackinder4764 hey Blanche, drop a line to tell me how you’re doing, always appreciate you engaging on here. And, shit, I forgot to ask Clive that 🤦♂️ It was in my head but it slipped
Hi Drew, what a wonderful, eye opening overview on us 4s. Im 34 years old and 4w5 myself, i figured that out a year ago. I have a hard time looking constantly for the meaning of (my) life, the sense of life in general and searching for the "missing piece" which is the most exhausting for me. I was not yet able to figure out how to deal with that. Ive read a ton of self help books, binged watched everything i could find about 4s for sure :) and im still not able to find a way to deal with many things. With finding out that im a 4 i found a way back to my creativity which was hidden for such a long time. My creativity is helping me get out of my head, out of myself in general, to get in touch with everything around me like nature etc, but still i would say its a daily struggle im working on. Im so often looking through that romanticizing lense and having issues with the (mundane) everyday life. Hopefully im not alone with of all that :) thank you for your great work and btw - i love the beautiful, breathtaking mountains in your background. If there is one thing in nature i could totally lost myself, its them :) I wish you all the best, Eva
Beautiful introspection Eva. And thanks for reaching out. The thing is, as you know, you’ll never be satisfied enough. Once we realize we won’t ever be satisfied and we’ll see the missing stuff everywhere, once we realize that then we are able to rest and have a bit of peace. Not entire freedom but just some ease. This is a huge part of the answer. So glad you are on the journey and you’re definitely not alone, we out here with ya 😂 Appreciate you, Drew
@@drewnewkirk thank you so much for your reply, Drew. I really appreciate your words, you are helping me a lot with your videos :) Its good to know that you're all with me :)
Hey Eva, I really enjoyed your comments and share many of the same sentiments as you. How did you find your way back to your creativity and what do you do with it?
@@KT-sl4js Hello K T, thank you so much for your message ☺️ With figuring out that i am a type 4, i found out that It might be helpful to check what is important for me in life. So i started to search for my values. Ive searched for the 10 most important values and then ranked them with priorities (1 to 10) and defined each value with what this value is all about. The values should bring more orientation, excitement and connection to myself and to my life. Having that in mind it makes it possible for me to create life actively with focusing on my top values. To give you a bit of a background to understand my situation better. I feel often like having no meaning in life and time flies by without me finding out what the sense of my existence in this world is. Finding and defining my values has helped me to connect back to myself. To what i love, what i need, what i value the most and what i enjoy. What was really eye opening for me was, that creativity ranked as my first, most important value. And whats even more interesting is, that i have absolutely lost my creativity when i was about 15/16. As a young child i was super creative all day, so imaginative and energetic but then it happened, that i really disconnected from my creativity. In childhood i painted a lot, i crocheted, sewed, built pearl animals, played piano, i kneaded and built what was in my imagination. I remember being so fulfilled in doing all of that for my own and then, i stopped from one day to another and didnt realize that at all. Finding creativity as my number 1 value has shocked me in the first place. I had no idea that i have cut myself off of it for more than half of my life. Sure, i have now and then done something creative but i did not live a creative life at all. I was so outside of myself that i didnt realize it was missing. As i have defined what creativity and living a creative life is for me, i have asked myself how to add it back to my daily life. So it came that i am now painting on canvas with acrylic paints as often as i can. I bought many drawing and painting materials like watercolours, pencils, paper, sketchbooks etc and i am using my art supplies whenever i can. I have reminded me of what i loved as a child, and the most things i do now again as an adult in my freetime, which is so great. I watch a lot of artists content on youtube and i am super interested researching other artists. I play piano again and started to play handpan. I found a passion for photography and being out in nature. I enjoy being alone in nature, photograping landscapes, flowers, trees what is so inspiring for my art that i do. I try as good and as often as i can to do something creative that nurtures my creative side. And with doing that i am more grounded and i feel so excited to create new things. It helps me to get out of analyzing my thoughts & feelings, being present in the moment and enjoy creating. I hope that this was helpful for you & please let me know if you have any questions about that 🙏🏼💫☺️😊
I have 21 pages of notes and responses to the ideas presented here and I still have an hour to go. Epic, Indeed. Thank you so much for your thoughtful explanations. I have worked through A LOT thanks to your videos. ps “Paragraph Drew” made me cackle. Bet you can’t guess why! Ha!
If you aren’t a paragrapher have you really lived? That’s the question. Thanks Meg, I believe at this point you may have more notes than I used for the actual video 😂 It’s so cool to know people are engaging with this content in the way you are, makes it all worth it.
Dankie Drew! I really enjoyed this episode. I'm 4 with a 5 Wing. I went through the darkness with ME/CFS for 10yrs and went back to painting - 5yrs ago. That's where the healing happened. I'm with a few galleries here in SA. Currently stuck and have gone into 'freeze'. Too scared to create something... I wonder why? I've saved this video and will revisit it as often as I can, beautiful soul.
I think this is the best Enneagram 4 I have ever watched. I have an 4wing 5 / INFP friend, and I am a 3 wing 2 ESFJ, this really helped me understand them better. You go so much deeper than other youtube channels I have watched. I hope you keep making them. Thanks Drew. 💕
Thanks for noticing pianolady. It’s always my goal to be the most thorough I can and dig as deep as I can, so I appreciate you noticing. I’ll keep the work up for sure as long as people like you are out there watching Drew
OMG I literally said to someone the other day that I feel like I have spent 45 years gathering information for a research project and I'm now at the stage where I am assessing the data. I started a degree at 40 and I'm now only 5 subjects from finishing! I'm also an INFP-T and have finally worked out why I just do things like quit a job and live overseas for a year, or job hop then get frustrated that I always feel like I'm starting over. I've finally decided that I'm going to lean into the creativity and emotional overwhelm. I just need to work out how to make sure I can still pay the mortgage!
@@amethyst2150 unfortunately, because I am such a slacker, I have not taken the test since grad school and I don’t remember what I was then. But it is absolutely the most asked question I get, and I should just have a cut and paste answer. Or I should just take the test sooner than later, but in two years, I haven’t, so I wouldn’t hold my breath 😂
Love it! I’m feeling it over here. It truly keeps me going knowing people get me too. Because I love to be gotten. We are on the right track I think hot chicken 🙌🏼
You’ve done such an amazing job that I didn’t even realize this overview was missing, but now that it’s here…holy shit. Well done. Again. Convicting and comforting.
Ha! I too had not realized it till I did all the other numbers and was like, wait, no overview for my people. This is not ok. Appreciate you as always and keep making your friends watch 😂 Drew
Holy Sheezuz! Can I say thank you for being a 4 and doing your own inner work because you’ve really nailed this one. Yes, I am a self-preservation 4, and I laughed out loud several times hearing this. So here’s my paragraph, lol… Thank you for allowing me to take a deep dive into the uncomfortable crevices of my being with this one & illuminating our strengths. I’m so glad I found your videos! I was just looking for one about the enneagram 4, to learn more about my type without the Christian perspective which I keep finding when looking into this subject. Anyhow, I am listening this this as I work outside. Can I be bold to suggest you make a podcast, maybe not now, but in the future perhaps? I appreciate you being in front of the camera, but I find I get a lot out, if not more, without the distraction of the visual. Ive done both, but today it seems as though I’m able to absorb this information better than seeing you.
I hear you. And thanks for writing by the way, it helps me keep going. I was in Switzerland to kind of dream up what’s next. So all things are on the table, including a podcast version. I’m swimming in all the options and really trying to make sure I don’t veer off track but it’s on the list. For now, keep watching these and stay tuned for what may come next 🙌🏼 Love that you reached out and that you started this with “Holy Sheezuz!” Hilariously well executed Drew
Wow. I really resonate with the "second half of life" bit. I am 38 and on bad days feel as if ive wasted my life, and on good days realize that my life is just about to begin. Ive been having a really hard time letting go of the past to allow that to happen.
38 is the major transition age in my opinion, hang in there. And… So sorry for the delay. Glad this helped and thanks so much for watching and digging deep! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out Drew
TODAY YOU ARE MY ANGEL....BLESS YOU .....I STARTED THIS JOURNEY IN 1978. NOW PUSHING 80 YEARS OLD IT JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER. ENEOGRAM....MEYERS BRIGGS....SUCH A FACINATING PUZZLE. I HAVE TEN YEARS OF JOURNALS OF SELF INVESTIGATION. WE ARE SO VERY SIMPLE AND COMPLEX AT THE SAME TIME. NAMASSTE!!!!!!!
Four weeks late, but it was my pleasure, thanks for watching. Sorry for the delay, I’ve been writing a book and hiding away in the Swiss Alps to do so, haven’t been keeping up. Hope you’re following along on Instagram to, @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy
It's amazing how many similarities we have. I started getting into Freud originally, I've been following Jung in terms of Shadow Work/Archetypes and just started diving into Enneagram. I've been struggling for a while and have been super hard on myself. Regardless of the time spent on inner work more still needs to be done. Now that I've been looking into Enneagram and Type 4 it makes complete sense what I do and why I do it. Thank you for taking the time to create all of this content.
I actually printed the manuscript from this video and followed along with a marker as the video played in the background. I have never done bible study or such, but I "studied" the manuscript like it was scripture and so I guess that makes you my preacher (?). I too am a sexual four and I have just turned 30 and feeling a bit lost in myself, doing soul searching like my life depended on it - tiring out my husband and kids. You have helped me so much, and I just want to say thank you, and keep going. Greetings from Sweden
Welp, this is about the best way I can start my morning. This feedback is pretty damn inspirational. That’s all I’m gonna say about that…. Love me the Swedes 🙌🏼 Drew
Amen! This is incredible Drew! I have been slowly working my way through and replaying and still going! Too much to say in a comment. Makes.so.much.sense. Blanche
OMG you are such a 4!!!! It's like looking in a mirror, albeit a Bazaar mirrot. How comforting to know that there are more of me. The good news is that in the autumn of my life my wings are balanced, I am at peace but haven't lost any of my ....me.
I’m off writing another book but this will definitely likely turn in to one someday. Thanks for the encouragement If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Drew
How to say this succinctly? How I appreciate your work-and your generosity in helping us 4s to understand, accept, and love ourselves! You’re truly an earth angel.
Cara, what a gift you’re giving me. When somebody appreciates my work and shares it I get a bit of a boost that makes me want to keep creating. So know that it helps me keep going. This weekend I’m hoping to finish up a piece and will take this with me, Thanks for that Drew
4w5 here. This was beautiful. Thank you. So many times all i hear are the negatives about 4s and naturally I focus on them. But we have the strength to be who we need to be. Thank you.
I just got on to your channel a month ago and it's helped very much, I'm an 4w5 sx infp going through it ATM. Stagnancy is killing me and your knowledge has been a life saver
Glad to hear this, Justin! I hope that the stagnancy is starting to diminish as you are working on yourself, so intentionally? It’s hard to just put our asses to work and deal with the consequences. So get to it. 😉 Drew
Do to all the circumstances and my environment as stay at home father without a license, while (mom) tries to prevent every possible way for me to grow and succed is why i am stagnate. I prayed i would be a stay at home dad again after my first child passed and went separate ways. I didnt know i would be mentally abused in my current family though. I have a fire so huge under me i want to utilize it the best way i possibly can. Ive been researching ways to raise the human consiousness and help people act on kood karma. And one day in the future i plan to see it in action. Im in the process of gathering information about fundraising at the moment, My words and brief background are all compacted a bit because i know your busy. Your words have inspired more and hope to hear your advice on if you have to to be stagnate for a period of time and how to best utilize that time Thank you Drew 🤘
@@justinsilvis6276 damn man, that sucks. But, as Rilke says, “everything is gestation and bringing forth.” Keep incubating my friend, and getting ready for more freedom, I hope it comes sooner than later. Drew
@@drewnewkirk thank you n i hope so. I feel as a 4w5 ive stretched to far into my five i cant get a grasp of my three wing as well as id like. Its like the abyss has grabbed me. I will check out Rilke and gestate much more for only about a month or two more. Lol hopefully one day youll see my name and be hey i helped inspire that guy 🫡
I think, the greates help for 4's, at least for me, is not to imagine the future and not to expect to break atoms apart and receive the Nobel prize for that.
Ha! We are in the same boat Shannon! And… So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out Drew
Oh wow, how do you do it? You're in my head ..........the missingness, the shame, the late blooming. the mood swings, the esthetic search! The redwood metaphor is just about perfect :-)
Ha! Lots of pain and suffering mixed with joy and hope, oh, and a deep desire to help people understand them better because I geek out on that on a freakish level. Appreciate you Chrissie, Drew
There is so much of this video that resonates with me that I could leave a crazy long comment, but I don’t want to. So I’ll just say that I want to see your tattoo when you get it. It’s ironic that I also had planned to get a new one this upcoming weekend. Mine will be very different of course. But it’ll be my first one that I can’t hide with clothes, so I’m super excited about that! Thanks for the awesome content.
@@sunshineandrain869 thought I gave my guy the tattoo photo for this video but I guess he didn’t get it in there. I posted them on my instagram stories but will likely post them as a regular post down the road on @thedrewdawg or @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy - follow along on the tattoo journey 😂 Great that you are doing an exposed tattoo, time to be out there expressing the “sunshine and rain” 😉
From a random post on a Facebook group that happened to mention the word 'enneagram' (which I had never heard of before) to taking the test, to arriving here. I feel some clarity! what a rabbit hole! thanks :)
Damn! I’ll take that compliment to the grave. Thanks Karo, it was a massive labor of love that had way too many notes and organization preparation. I’m so glad it was worth it. Drew
About 1/3 through this and already feeling a little better and more hopeful about late blooming. 4w5, just turned 44, and only in the past two years have I found my true north. But, that doubt constantly seeps in around it being too late 🙏🏻
44 also and there’s days I feel so behind as well. Just posted a instagram reel on this today. @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy It may help. But, you’re not alone Definitely not alone Drew
1h11mn So true... while many of the other types move upwards as they mature...up to the mountaintop... to transcendence and to the spirit, the movement of the four is often down into the Vales and the valleys of "ensoulment" (Hillman) and "embodiment." The path of the Boddhisattva... Often the four dreams of things that go downward.... the decent down the stairs, to the basement, to the valley.... down the ladder... the ski lift goes down the mountain. I think that this comes mostly from the fact that the four personality is formed through exposure to trauma. That trauma tends to push the four to dissociate early in life and often times upward into their heads...their intellect, their spirtual side. So they tend to be disembodied early and out of touch with their bodies. As teens they can feel a pull towards notions of purity and righteousness... religiosity. So the maturation process is coming to terms with their "clod of earth" ....their "hairy jiggly meatedness" ...always down, down, down in the earth, the body... the moistness. That's probably why so many fours become therapists as.they become more and more ensouled....the Chiron archetype is very active here....like Chiron in his cave..we are at home in the realms of suffering and helping others make meaning in their suffering.
When you talked about practicality and dream and working them together like that’s so true I just want to be #1 now. I don’t want to start at the bottom and sometimes I’m like okay well that’s okay let’s grind it out and then most of the time I’m not doing I’m always constantly just consuming and learning and not taking action.
Kintsugi And if I asked myself too whatever the pain, rabies, and madness from pain took from my battered heart for whatever reason And if I asked myself too how deep can my own puny being pull me into the abysses between madness and awareness And if I asked myself too what this wretched existence wants to say to me and broke me and broke me and I left my penultimate sighs broken on the not entirely dust-free flokati Then to all these questions, was the answer that I was cast again and again, patched up with gold droplets that burned so hot on my soul that the scars will be visible in two more reincarnations I've pieced together all the shards I've become over the course of this one lunar cycle and this seemingly flawed patchwork has become my greatest asset the bright walls of my fragility grew stronger and my tendency to break faded with the realization that I will always be whole again Kintsugi Thanks, Drew 🍀 Live in an expected loss. That resonates with me a lot. Already imagining myself being abandoned for being so imperfect and dependable. Getting caught up in insecurities. The paralysis as a result, until I am redeemed by a better reality that then grounds me again. This is my biggest fight i guess. Rivalry and having nothing under control coupled with the feeling of not being enough. I can be so incredibly confident in other aspects of life, but not in relationships. And then I get needy and sticky and want to hear and feel very specific things. I've known for a long time that this should all come from within me and yet I fall into this trap again and again. Sometimes also with a feeling of hate. It's done in a blink of an eye. Nevertheless, it's nice that I now usually notice when my pattern starts. Eli says: this is projected self-loathing. I think that's strong. I can work with that. Having to write or talk about all this, as a valve, like right now. This can be really distressing for others, or annoying. Especially when the other person neither has these wild emotions nor can they understand them well. So sorry for all the words, but it just feels good to direct them to people who are also coming from this point. But of course there is also shame. Oh dear, I was too much, I should hold back, I'm a nuisance and I'm also afraid it might go wrong. Especially when I don't know how other people take it. It's a ride and I'm posting it anyway, even if you might find me pushy, or you give in to your natural urge of the 4 to back off first when the other one gets too close to you.
Hi just learning the enneagram I’m a sexual 4 with pretty balanced 3/5 wings slightly heavier on the 5 wing. Pisces with Taurus rising and moon in Gemini
I'm a 4w5 and related more to the video Drew did on that type. This 4 video was too much for me to watch in one sitting. I could relate to some of it, and the insights he shared I learned a long the way in my life through trial, error and experience.
I’m not for everyone. Totally understand that. I do long form and thorough, so for those who’ve learned most of this before and want smaller bites I totally recommend some of the shorter form content out there.
Drew, I really thought for a sec that you were going to say, regarding emotions "We are 4s. Welcome... to the Thunderdome." That seems pretty appropriate, haha.
Oh shit! I’m gonna use that moving forward. I was in the alps with Alpine Ibex today which felt like a European Alps version of thunderdome but you are so right Keep the gold coming so I can steal it
All my dear fellow type 4's, i wanna recommend somethings; transcendentalism writers from United States Thoreau and Emerson, these guys have a lot to say on individualism. and Hermann Hesse, you should definitely read him, type 4 in deep. You will find a lot in his books. And Drew, of course i wonder what you would have to say about these writers and you're my new kind a hero(vicarious mentor) :), thanks for everything Take care everyone!
I’ll take the vicarious mentor moniker 😉 I’ve read Thoreau and a little Emerson Have dabbled in Hesse but want to read more. I’m working on a book now so not reading much except my own work but am obviously a big reader I wish I could read it all 🤦♂️ Love that you’re watching along. It keeps me motivated If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy or drew@drewnewkirk.com hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
No problem. So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks again Drew
Enjoy returning to your videos from time to time to receive both reminders and new perspective on being a 4 to celebrate it and allow myself grace to just be me. Enjoyed the comment about people wanting to go deep. Feel that is such an overused comment by people and feel so many people are not able to even if they claim to prefer it.
I hear you Brian. Then I want to be judgmental of them and there goes the cycle 🤦♂️ But, today for some reason I need particular grace as I’m feeling kinda like I can be ugly and just trying to be easy on myself. I’m with you man, as always, thanks for coming back every once in awhile. Drew
What a blessing you are to us! Thank you🤩for all this teaching, sharing 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 stuff that make us feel truly💯 understood, known! So grateful beyond words~!🙌🏾
Hearing you speak about fours makes me feel less alone. I'm a tritype 459. I constantly ask myself why I'm so engulfed in understanding myself along with why people act the way the do. I stay studying psychology, philosophy, astrology, as well as other spiritual material.
@@drewnewkirk I'm getting better at sharing my perspective and insight on areas that I feel like I have personal experience as well as knowledge. I have to admit though that I do have that longing for someone that I feel like I genuinely connect with. I'm an Aquarius and INFP so all those factors seem to make it hard for me to get out of my own comfortable bubble to interact with unknown factors. I know what I'm bringing to the table but the possibility that I waste energy on something just to come to the realization that I would have been better off just staying home. I think it's both a blessing as well as a curse to enjoy being in your own company but sucks when those times arise, where you long for companionship. The notorious fear factor that I keep hearing that fours have.
@@Individually_Authentic111 I’m currently in Mexico working on an enneagram video on dating while I’m sitting at a pool. Hold tight friend, I’ll have some help on the way for you
@@drewnewkirk All forms of relationships. I get along with most people and can talk to anyone. The problem is that I don't ever feel like that is someone that I can grow with and learn from.
Watched hours of your content in last couple of weeks. I have had the hardest time figuring out my type. Two years ago i had a coaching session and the guy told me i was a social type 7 bc i kept getting 9,2,3,7 on tests. I started watching your 9s and 7s videos and both clicked but felt off. I guess i felt too special and original for them. The part that hung me up is that I'm not avoiding pain like a 7 does and I'm too confrontational for a 9. I'm not sure if this means anything but i was prejudiced against being a 4. I totally overlooked it as beneath me, 😂. It felt like I would be admitting something terrible about myself, that i was too emotional for others, a wreck. Which is exactly how i am at times. I've just channeled it into motivating others to get better. You're self-preservation video about your brother convinced me that I'm a type 4 who is the long sufferer. It feels like I'm finally seen and known. It all fits me and I've never had that with any other types. I'm a very enthusiastic person and hard to type because I'm a helper, life long learner, and an authentic person. I dive deep into the emotions and squeeze every moment to maximize it's meaning. Yet i never thought of myself as envious. This video showed me a lot more about myself than I saw before. Envy is all about wanting what you do not have, and noticing what's missing in your experience. I guess i need to sort that out a bit more on my end. This enneagram stuff really messes with me. Side note, love William James content.
@@shaunhardie this stuff is tough to nail sometimes so I commend you for keeping on with the exploration of yourself thank you so much for sharing my friend. And thanks so much for watching the long form content 😂! Glad it helped If interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks again for reaching out Drew
Such a genius idea to do a retreat for 4s who love learning about and talking about themselves ⭐ so many symbols rang true for me... I've just finished a tattoo design of a flower with a crystal in the centre and a dragon coming out consciously eating it's own tail. I have a snake ring on my wedding ring finger to symbolise the importance of aligning with myself often through creative expression and spiritual practice. I've been consciously moving towards 3wing to achieve my goals, feel less shame about being seen and having others know I like to be seen. It feels like such a long journey but knowing the pain will always exist for me it's thrilling (I think I have 7 head also) to choose the states I want to feel and challenge my own self consciousness by becoming more of my ideal Self. This idealism is branded as creative so as to not feel disappointment..... I don't expect all and everything in physical reality anymore but to feel worthy enough to know I can have, be and feel how I desire. Leaning into my 5 wing for a while definitely helped with self knowledge and finding clarity around what is most meaningful to me....but it's not satisfying there. Now I'm fuelled by exploring the ⭐ nature of a 4 wing 3 almost like I've been making up for my whole life of being scared of being seen. Keep up the amazing work Drew! I was rambling about myself to a friend lastnight and used many of your references with credit 😉
Great to hear from you Dee! This is such a good reflection on your journey and it brings me joy. Did you see my post on instagram about the Ouroboros Effect? Just posted it this week, but it is that dragon eating it’s tail concept, it’s becoming one of my favorite metaphors for our journey
@@drewnewkirk I just watched it a few times! I'm currently wanting to explore solo polyamory ...I feel ok I'm relationship but once it hurts a certain point it feels too intense. The idea of going back to myself knowing I have the tools to do the work keeps me going. I feel strengthened when I regain my own emotional control through practices. That requires space from a partner and something I can't do without.
@@deedesertrose1829 keep twisting it and turning it around Dee, it’s all we can do. Continuing to address and readdress the hardest stuff to work on. You’re resilience is inspiring
lol I really relate to the idea at 16:23 that we are experts and going deep and other people are deeply afraid of it. I'm BEWILDERED when people tell me I'm "so brave" for sharing my difficulty with depression and stuff on a facebook post. I'm like, no man bravery would be doing the thing everyone else tells me to to do and act like a Manic Pixie to get the positive feed back the world wants to see. (and it would be WAY too much work, and Frankly I'm not capable of pulling off that level of inauthenticity) But yeah that's why people are confused and think 4s are all sad too, cuz they confuse sharing stuff like being sad easily with "wow you must be so sad all the time that you have nothing happy to share." But the truth is that I didn't realize, or refuse to accept cuz it doesn't make any sense to me, that sharing depression / sadness/ negative feelings is a shameful act. But I'm pretty great at small talk. :-) But what I loved about burningman this year was all the deep conversations I unintentionally got into.
Sorry for the delay in responding Sarah, it’s been a bit of a crazy past few months, and this one slipped past me. We are definitely a heavy bunch and like to go deep, it really serves us. I think when we get really busy and in our purpose, we actually start to enjoy some lighter things, because we need the rest. But, of course, for us, it is restful to be deep as well, which is the paradox. Love that you have found your spaces to get fed, Drew
Well, there's so much helpful advice in this, I think I have to watch it again from the beginning to take a few notes. There are some strong points that I feel I have to contemplate in order to let them sink in. Thank you 🙏 Something I wanted to ask you is a thing I picked up about the Enneagram a while ago. I don't remember where I heard or read this, but it said, that there are people who developed into a type different from the one they were born with. I'm pretty sure I have been a 4 all my life, but I'm still curious if a change of type is really possible. My sister for example has a really hard time finding her type, and I thought maybe she has more than one.
Loaded question. I plan to do a whole episode on this so I won’t spoil it here. But I’d say there’s a window for nature (genes) to hit nurture (nurture) at which point by 5 years old something is starting to take place.
I dont want to choose this withdrawn function. Thats why I came here I feel it- to connect. Its so stupid I feel very demotivated to be this certain way. Yes I do want my time but in a moderate time because I have the need for physical connection as well as emotional with others. It sucks both ways. I cant just stay in the corner and accept = well yeah Im just this way. NO. If I want something I will get it. Even if it hurts me how easily others seem to carry themselves. I am desperate- its a feeling state. I dont know. I hate this tbh. I dont enjoy it. I dont want it. I just want to be human. Yet its all this mess. Feels inadequate.
That’s the acceptance part, is to know that we’ll probably suffer with this in the long run and if we know that then we can chip away. I relate, it’s super hard, but I just keep practicing and hope you do too. With you in spirit.
Can we replace all the four descriptions in the enneagram books with yours? Reading them from experts who clearly are not a four often feels like reading about yourself from someone who doesn’t truly understand you - or hasn’t figured you out, but you are singing the song of the four!
Ha, I’m just reading this for the first time as this slipped past me. If I wasn’t writing a book now already, I would write one on fours. But I guess that’s essentially what I’ve done with these, RU-vid’s. Thank you for the affirmation and for joining along. Hope you are following my Instagram if you’re on it, @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy Appreciate the affirmation, Drew
What a perfect, beautiful place for type 4s to come to. I resonate with so much and felt so relieved listening to his (your, hi Drew, you juicy amazing soul) words. I have never commented on a youtube post ever but i felt drawn to CONNECT to type 4’s here. (im an SP 4w5, with healthy type 1 characteristics). As we all have sensed whats missing in the world and our lives and feel so much better once we are connected with like-hearted people, what better place than here to offer some kind of (olive branch) way that we all can connect if anyone needs a 4 friend in their lives. I don’t use social media much and aren’t up to date with the latest (easiest) way of connecting but maybe WhatsApp would work! So if anyone desires a type 4 friend to be fully heard and seen and related to then perhaps some of us that read this message can do this. Maybe there is already a forum or way for 4s to connect but after reading some of the beautiful comments on this video and Drew's others, i can see there is a need there for us 4s to connect. if anyone is interested or knows of a safe way to become connected friends across the oceans, dimensions and live paths feel free to comment.
I love this Richard. I’m still trying to find ways to get 4’s connected as well. Still sifting through that. Fortunately many have become clients or follow me on socials. It may help to follow me on instagram if you have it as that is a way I might be able to bring people together in the future. Not sure how yet but one thing at a time If you have instagram or Tik tok I’m starting to share more reels and videos there as well that are short and sweet to help us as. Glad you are on the journey with me either way Drew
@@drewnewkirk watching you right now as you was reading your response ( kind of poetic). I will join Instagram just for the satisfaction of your words. You are incredible to respond to so many comments, and deserve every peice that you feel is missing. I while back I heard byron Katie say something like, "flip everything you are thinking, often it is the opposite that is true", that has helped me see the illusion on my emotional thoughts - I am the missing peice, so many people are like me etc. But as you say so well, we are still full of contradictions. Everything and nothing. See you on IG 💛
@@richardbrennan1980 always my pleasure Richard! Love that flip-it hack too 😉 Just a heads up, I have 2 instagrams. Sometimes I post enneagram stuff on @thedrewdawg but moving forward will be posting almost daily on @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy (that’s where I’ll be posting short clips, just a heads up 😉)
@@drewnewkirkthanks. That sounds like a better option for me, just followed you on IG and wasn't much there compared to RU-vid so I just went back to your 4. 1, integration video. Its amazing that you can put out good energy and receive the the energy back years later ( regarding your videos) I know if I made the videos I'd want the reclamation straight away. I imagine its taught you the gift and flow of the universal energy and the divine timing of all things. But exercising my type 7, "that's fucking cool". I'm glad you have been getting some validation through the views and comments, total shit gets millions sometimes and the beauty of being human gets nothing. But just like nature, some places and scenery are completely ignored by humans and other man made attractions like theme parks are idolized, so if something as beautiful as nature is ignored, we cant be too shocked that our beauty is ignored ( total 4 response I know) 💛
Oh Nice! Unfortunately I’m leaving Thursday and pretty sad about it. But will definitely be back. What are you doing here, work? Anyway, thanks for watching 🙏🏼 It’s nice to know some folks are getting something out of it Drew
@@drewnewkirk My partner is from here, so I moved in with him. It's been a pretty crazy year with work changes as well as relocations, but now I think we found a spot where we'll be comfortable for a while :-) Even though I could list a few things that are missing, haha.. I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay!
@@yarayara5694 that’s great, it’s a nice hub to see Europe from for sure. And, glad your “missing” register isn’t totally gone, that’d give me envy 😂 Enjoy Switzerland friend and take it easy on the cheese 😉
“I said: what about my eyes? He said: Keep them on the road. I said: What about my passion? He said: Keep it burning. I said: What about my heart? He said: Tell me what you hold inside it? I said: Pain and sorrow. He said: Stay with it. The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi
Could a 4 hide in an 8 personality? I think I did. The 4 was my inner child and my 8 part was the teenager/warrior personality that protected my child but when I got sick and woke up, I found this beautiful child and now she's my heart. I was raised by a Borderline mother and Narcissist father but they were each other's shadow. I remember choosing my father's path at 9 bc I didn't want to be so disempowered like my martyr mother. I joined the military at 19 looking for power but that was stupid. :) I'm a therapist now learning to be a human again, so confusing!
Wow, great that you are helping people now work through some of this hard stuff. I did do a video on eighths and fours, did you see it? I know I definitely use lots of eighth energy to protect myself over the years. Very aggressive and a bit power-hungry. The difference is that there is a lot more shame for the fours when they are doing this. It seems to come pretty natural for eights, and sometimes, actually almost always doesn’t come with the same guilt or shame attached.
@@drewnewkirk I've loved all your videos, thank you! I'm still confused about my type cus I can relate to them all - 9? so I might need some help :) I'm pretty sure I'm a INTP so 5 is involved - thank god for tritypes! - I love the challenge. Peace.
@@terryfrancis10 hang in there my friend. Some people have a terribly hard time finding out their number. Keep digging. Appreciate your support 👊🏼 Drew
I don't know how accurate this statement is but I don't get to see many other 4s around me. Is it a rather rare anneagram? I have theorized that most 4s were sent to wars and were killed or executed due to their intrinsic bravery and high moral standards, it's as if the societal structure rejects 4s by design, because they are the potential danger to maintaining the status quo. I was the only kid among 30 kids in my class who stood up to abusive teachers or school staff. It continued to happen over and over again in groups I was part of. I always wondered how come no one else is objecting this BS? I was singled out and labeled as a rebel or wanna be different. We are different not that we want, we freakin Are.
@@asanabahrami2735 Seattle should have a lot of 4’s. They are probably in cafes and book shops. And artist collectives. I’ve been to Seattle and have clients who are 4’s from Seattle who found me on RU-vid They are there
Damn! Learn to use different fucking tools! That hit me regarding the small talk, it’s helped me to open up and accept other people so much easier to LEARN small talk, learn to use it, learn to tolerate it and actually learn from it!
I'm so offended by how social fours are typed as "needing sympathy". I don't share my pain to garner sympathy. I do it to be understood, yes, but also to try to get understanding of myself, and also to say "look, humaness. You are human and feel things like this too, yes?" I hate sympathy, (like a little "oh I'm sorry you're sick, or it sucks that you got fired is nice, but I don't generally get energy from people feelings sorry for me all the time, it doesn't feel good, it just makes me feel like others think I'm weak). But it does help to get negative feelings off my chest, and to hear about how others relate.
1:42 Hey Drew you're talking about bipolar. What do you think is this more bipolar or more like borderline? I think 4's are so simillar in their way of thinking, feeling and behaving to borderline mental construct. I mean the spectrum of bordeline.
I would agree but, yes, it’s a spectrum and most 4’s don’t fit the criteria for diagnosable borderline. But I definitely feel like we can show some serious tendencies towards it. SP 4’s might show a bit more bipolar. As a 4w3 (heavy 3) I can have some inclination towards subtle bipolar
Interesting, bc 4s I read don’t want to be fully understood, bc they’re too unique for that. It’s like their identity will be lost if they’re understood.
I worry about anyone who admits to be a narcisist and you definitely have that skilled narcicist tallent at seeming charming, but as a therapist I imagine you must have that under control in order to actually help other people and make therapy about your patients.
Sarah, he didn't say he was a narcissist. I believe his therapist was making a joke by calling him an "an other centered narcissist ". That's a 4. It's can be all about others' healing using us, not as sacrifice but as fuel. Just the opposite of narcissm where a person needs the other as fuel, a healthy 4 offers themselves as fuel but with the boundaries and self- love to not have it be a sacrifice. We can understand, empathize, and sit with another's pain like none of the other numbers because we are so open and clear about our own. We can do the same about joy. We can celebrate with and for others because we know and understand joy so completely .
@@GrannyBeth2 I’m just seeing this dialogue as it passed me by Beth, but yes, you hit it right on the head. People hear what they want to sometimes, but I’m glad you got it. Drew
Thanks Drew. I was listening to this on the road after some exhauting days caring for my old mom. .Yes, this is a good image: We (4w3) need to learn to dance between our longing to be seen and accepted by others and our need to be alone .I agree that after 40 it is getting easier to dance on this tightrope of a 4-life...not less intensive but less compulsive...and certainly: a retreat in the Swiss mountains from time to time helps a lot. Have a good time! Gruezi! And I love Rilke too, therefore: "“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue.”
That Rilke quote also requires patience, I’ve read it numerous times and it still needs rereading and reflecting on. As for exhausting days, I’m with you. Been fried since finishing these episodes and a bit worn out. It’s in these times the “unsolved” and “questions” get loud and patience is required. And, with difficulty, trying to love both. Thanks for watching Karin Appreciative Drew
