Story 1: How much of this is nervous jitters, and how much is her just being someone who avoids things? I dont know if shes a jerk overall, but she definitely did not handle this well at all. Also, both families shouldn't have insisted on such a large wedding. That sure didn't help. Story 2: I'd dump this guy and yesterday. It's one thing to be friendly with an ex, but thats going way overboard. Story 3: Your colleague has some serious issues. I wouldn't be sitting next or near them anymore. Also, avoid any and all personal questions and conversations... you never know what could be used against you.
Shes a jerk 100%. No matter how bad your nervous jitters are, you just dont do that at all if you intend in staying with the person you were going to marry
I say more 50/50 for story 1. I think she should of spoke about her feelings about the wedding. Personally I'd probably react the same to a big wedding. I have really bad anxiety near a lot of people. But I will say this there is more ways of getting married. You guys could of eloped and have a smaller wedding with close family/friends. Even if the family gets mad it's not really their choice of how their wedding should be. If OP and their partner is paying for the wedding why does the family care so much about their wedding?
the fiance is nervous about getting married like everyone gets nervous of getting married, if i was op's fiance, i will say that i'm ready to get married instead of leaving him there at the alter.
Story 1: I feel like the wife Definitely has some kind of anxiety, and i feel like she's not a complete jerk. OP stated earlier in the post that she would try to tell him about her nervousness and he just brushed it off multiple times. I feel like if he actually tried to listen she would probably tell OP how she felt. I also feel like the families shouldn't be pressuring such a huge wedding and trying to plan it when OP and his girlfriend are using their own money.
Office drama. This is the reason why I out very little emotional effort into the people I work with. I'm here to do a job, not be your friend. I'm here to work not socialize. I don't care about your vacation plans. Don't care about office gossip. Don't really care about what the upper management does unless it realated to how to do my job.
First story: although her choice to ghost is wrong, i do understand how she got there. they way she is described to me is as a person with some anxiety and/or insecurity issues. My personal experience with those traits is simpel, when a confronting situation presents itself and you're not capable of solving it in a good healthy way, the building pressure wil make you choice the flight route of the fight or flight response. the confronting situation mentioned is the grandiose wedding, while she preffers a smaller one, combined most likely with the general stress comming with weddings/marriage and she wasn't able to properly communicate both her issues and whishes with her fiance and parrents in order to prevent this bad outcome. flight choices tend to turn out poorly as you're fleeing from the problem instead of solving it. without further descriptions of her personality i find her beeing called toxic rather harsh and find calling her choice unhealthy more apropriate. i think they both could have handled the situation better, but more responsibility lies whith her for handling her issues so poorly. there also lies some responsibility whith the parrents putting tradition above the wishes of the bride and groom. so not the jurk, i just think you guys were not ready yet as a couple based on the info given
@@hunter.5625 well she did mention it many times that she was anxious Rather than consoling her, he just brushed those off Yeah she did not do the right thing by ghosting him but he should have seen that coming if he knows her for a long time
Story 2... I have my suspicions everyone sucks there... She said she told him she didn't want to go to his family holiday party and he didn't "fight" for her to go the idea he would ever need to unless your treated like crap by them and in her words "they love me to pieces" so not the case that's toxic and she said fight for her to go like he usually does implies it has happened enough to be a normality and that's toxic as all hell. I have a feeling their relationship was toxic af but he still sucks for obvious reasons just op probably sucks too.
Story #2: I will admit that what the boyfriend did is terrible, and he is a cheater. No excuses tho OP sounds like a handful. What adult pulls the " I was still angry at him and told him I didn't want to go to his family's house, and he left without trying to talk me into going..." Sheesh that is not a mature relationship.
For story 3: maybe the husband got overprotective once he learned about their close work relationship and manipulated her into becoming distant with him, because this is very weird and very sudden.
Story #2: The O.P. at least sounds sweet. So I'll go easy on her. Don't buy it! Trust me! I know punks like that. They don't change. I know it's not the exact same. But it's kinda like having an abusive boyfriend or an abusive girlfriend. They don't wake up one day and magically see the error in their ways! They just keep making life miserable for everyone around them!
Story 1 x you need a break from her. There must be no grand weddding - at best that pressure caused the failure.once you have had a few months apart you’ll know whether the wait was worth it. I doubt that marriage between you will succeed.
2nd story: I flip through my apps quickly when my wife walks near. Is it something like cheating or talking to other women? Nope. It’s so much more stupid. She doesn’t like me on my mobile game apps so much lol
First story : you are not the jerk If she has been breaking up with you trying to get away that is a huge red flag and leaving like that and humiliating you in the process and then trying to get back and apologizing when she clearly doesn’t mean it is just so toxic
This dude needs someone better. Now I have anxiety, but I wouldn't pull this stunt. Yes I'd be nervous but excited at the same time since I'd be marrying the man I love.
@@erinthedemonhog2090 exactly. Sounds like they were planning the wedding for a year so she had an entire year to postpone/ cancel it if she really wasn't sure
You guys are not the type to have faced extreme social anxiety. She wasn't being toxic, she was terrified beyond belief. It's like expecting a fawn to just not terrified when a human they have never seen before suddenly approach them just to take pictures. This is not the her or the op's fault as the core issue here is the wedding itself and how they're being pressured about having to make it grand.
Especially love clean language. I also love it when they read several responses and especially updates! This a great channel to learn about to spot red flags/toxic behavior but also flexible thinking, empathy and creative solutions.
First story: The girlfriend tried to tell the op multiple times that she was anxious. He knew that when she gets anxious she runs away. Yes, she cost him a lot of money and humiliated him and broke his heart, but it's kind of his own fault. Not completely, the girlfriend could have handled it better, but still
Love this channel & especially great set of stories! Thank you ❤️ keep them coming.. Especially love clean language. I also love it when narrator reads several responses and especially updates! This a great channel to learn about potential spot red flags/toxic behavior but also flexible thinking, empathy and creative solutions.
If they want a massive wedding they can pay for it, also it's YOUR wedding not theirs if your significant other is uncomfortable with grand events you meed to explain that your family and stand your ground
I will say though if you just take her back like nothing happened she'd probably loss respect for you so you'd have to include heavy stipulations, like bedroom fun, chores, or whatever you think best for the situation at hand
it's his fault for consistently ignoring her. He should beg her forgiveness for being such a jerk to her and only caring about what HE wants and not even listing to what she needs
When the going got tough for her, rather than stand by OP's side and work through it with OP, she ditched and left him to deal with the aftermath. Yeah, I don't think I'd be preparing to face any hardships with that one. Marriage and adult life can be full of hardships. What if OP gets deathly ill? Where will she be? Will she also ditch and run then?
First story: I read that she did try to tell OP numerous times, and even said she wanted a destination wedding instead of a grandiose one and have the huge party afterwards. It's her day as well, and to cave to the request of family members, imo, is where this started going downhill, then playing off her nerves as normal wedding nerves and not booking a therapy session prior to the wedding [which plenty of ministers or officiators of weddings recommend for couples] would have opened up a more serious talk.
It’s their culture for grand weddings and if they didn’t have one they most likely were going to be disowned or at least disliked by their parents the op isn’t in the wrong he tried to help her by telling her it’s fine and that it’s going to be okay and that shit how else was he supposed to help? You aren’t looking at the full picture of the first story and also she fucking ghosted him on their wedding that they spent so much on and it’s hard to have someone walk out or ghost you during special times especially the woman you want to marry, it’s the girl that is in the wrong. Imagine what else she would run from after they got married so please try to understand what would happen in the family because it’s their culture before choosing who the jerk is.
@@droopyjaguar I feel like being told: it's going to be okay. Isn't really helpful in her case. She seemed to be struggling a lot and marriage is a big step. Not only that but their families forced them into a HUGE wedding which she clearly didn't want. She tried to tell him how she was feeling but he kept telling her "it's okay" when he should have gotten her a therapy appointment. She should not have ghosted him but I cannot really fault her at the same time. She was struggling and he clearly wasn't helping her.
Wife-to-be needs therapy, may have anxious/avoidant or social anxiety. If fiance can forgive hurt, humiliation, resources she burned through, both need separate (trauma) therapy first, then small wedding.
To be fair the bride did keep telling him that she was nervous and he wasn’t listening to her. Yes, she could’ve handled it better but I think they both were jerks
I mean he knew the entire time she didn't want a big wedding and admits that he let her get bullied into it. I would have run from that wedding too HUGE red flag on him that he forced her into the wedding she didn't want and ignored her the entire time that she was clearly not happy. It's her day too and it seems like the OP just didn't care about how she felt.
Left at the altar. Running away is a pattern of behavior with her How long does OP want to put up with that? What happens when she runs from your children? Sounds like the OP dodged a bullet. OP deserves a stable SO.
story 1 sounds llike the girl has anxiety , commitment and abandonment issues.... honestly given she tried running away and breaking up when they first started datting and running away now just shows she possibly needs a psychiatrist about this... cause to me at least it looks like she always loved hi just has some issues of her own an d the grand wedding thing made this impossible to handle for her.i would accept her for who she is and try to get her some help if needed
At 4:33 I said this "oh hell no u didn't I would have run if I was having a big wedding and the person who is reading this u don't know what is like to have such bad anxiety so shut up"
Story 1: I’m really disappointed in “I’m I A Jerk” for calling the wife toxic. Because first of all I would feel really scared if I had really bad anxiety but I do think the OP should have been more concerned for his soon to be wife. No one is the jerk but they could have done it in a better way. I’m really upset at “I’m I The Jerk” right now though. I think I’m going to take a break from RU-vid and play some games for a bit.
Yea I don't feel sorry for OP in the first one. Shouldn't of stayed with someone who actively tried to run away all the time. Op has no one to really blame but themselves for the situation.
Story 1: in all honesty, the fiance had been trying to talk about her anxiety regarding the wedding for a while before the event, and the OP wouldn't listen, chalking it all up to nervous jitters and such. It was wrong for the fiance to ghost on such an important day, but also the OP should have been more available for her. Its one of the most important days for both of them, not just the OP, and i feel like he neglected her feelings for most of the process
Wife-to-be needs therapy, may have anxious/avoidant or social anxiety. If fiance can forgive hurt, humiliation, resources she burned through, both need separate (trauma) therapy 1st then small wedding
@@CatCheshire yeah because what he thought was that it was just cold feet. He was also busy with the planning and budgetting. Hed be nervous too. I dont think it would cross his mind that hed be abandoned in his wedding. Would you really blame him?
With the first story, as soon as she got back. I'd tell her to pack a bag & get out. The relationship is over & there'd be no wedding again with her. Call me cruel but this woman is just refusing to grow up & act like a adult. Instead pulling this childish thing on her fiance.
Story 3: I would say both are the jerks. He for obvious reasons ans she for behaving like a child. She is angry and expects him to come to her when she didn't want to go to the family, instead of letting it go, because it was HER descision to not come with him. Believe me or not: it is possible to realize in a relationship, that you would work better out as friends. He should have talked to her more open and be more distant to his ex, but she also acts toxic as hell
In the first story I feel like it's both of them because he more interested in the wedding and she is a red flag also he's really stupid for love because she the love of his life in reality he needs to wake up to see the red flags and I don't feel bad about the unfortunate event because it shows him that it's not worth it yet he stays with her that's bs in my opinion
Story 2: I think him wanting closure is valid. but I do not validate his actions going behind your back to get it. But your setting him up to fall somewhere too deep to recover from. No one deserves that
Exactly what I thought. He is wrong for what he did but she hadn't had the right to do what she did. What she was planning is completely against the law of a lot of countries and she could have ended paying a lot
First story I would not trust her after that. There’s a difference between anxiety and cold feet and ghosting If she couldn’t talk to OP about it then why not a family member or friend to at least get it out there. “I’m so sorry, but I’m ready for the wedding now” Like hell you’re not! They went over budget on this wedding and you want them to do it again!? Gotta replan everything and repay for everything. You get the one shot on that day, no do-overs with the same stuff. Absolutely not the jerk!
She didn't want that wedding. She told him multiple times she wasn't okay with a big wedding. He forced the big wedding on her. That's his fault. Should have just done the small wedding
@@lolarichter9415had to listen to it again since it’s been months since I heard it. She tried to push for a small wedding but gave in under the pressure while OP wasn’t helping. He admits that he over looked, hindsight 20/20, saying that she didn’t try is far from true. Running was the absolute last resort since she tried to handle this in a better fashion. Sounds like she’s not used to pushing her feelings out more. Like press her concerns and say “no this is how I feel”. Cold feet plus her anxiety and running away tactic ultimately caused it. Doesn’t sound like he tried talking to her about what happened and shamed her for doing it when the possibility was still there. Don’t know what I was one to be so aggressive towards her the first time
Story 1 - Does she plan on running away from everything when something bad happens or something happens that's "difficult" or that she doesn't like? That's insane! And if you already don't trust her then I wouldn't waste any more of my time or my life on her.
Story 1: You admitted she freaks out when stressed. You brushed off her anxiety WHEN SHE GAVE YOU SIGNS. You didn't notice the signs and now you're upset for a knee-jerk reaction she had due to stress overload? You my un-aquaintaince are the A.
How is anxiety and not wanting to get married the same thing lmao. There was no signs, he was also anxious, everyone is anxious before a wedding, but hardly anyone runs away because of that, it’s not the OPs fault that he somehow trusted his future wife enough to not ruin the most important day of their lives, but instead she left him at the altar, wasted his time and his money, all because she was “anxious” that’s not a good enough justification. She’s running from every problem in her life leaving the OP to clean up all the mess himself, he deserves someone better. It is pathetic u can justify leaving someone at the altar over anxiety
Story #1: Dude...she tried telling you that she was nervous and jittery ans you just brushed her off. You should have listened to her. You should have let her say her peace. I think that would have helped a little. Yes I know it was heartbreaking to you that she didn't show up for the wedding, but you ignored her feelings. You can't do that and expect something good to come out of that. Sorry dude, but she tried.
I was listening to this podcast and the reply to story 1 got me a bit heated. The way the op described how the wedding was stressful to both of them, the expectations of the family to have a big wedding, the fact that he was told many times by her the affect it had on her mentally only for him to downplay it constantly, the fact that he referred to it as "my wedding" (wedding includes 2 people)--- rubbed me off so wrong. Tbh, I'm not surprised that she didn't show up, becausewhen the inevitable came up, I think that's when she finally broke. It's like stage fright. Seems like she tried to go along with it and her nerves really hit its peak. So what if the bride is 26 years old? That doesn't matter. He also kept taking her back KNOWING this is how she is so I don't know how she's completely at fault here. What this story tells me is that she may have some major anxiety issues that's not being met and could need a mental health intervention. It also seems like no one knew how to address it, so I wonder if the family is the type to pretend that mental healthcare doesn't exist. Additionally, I really wish that they both weren't pressured to have an extravagant wedding. It's more grandstanding and she probably hated the idea of being in the spotlight like that. Marriage is part of a new life, and how one chooses to celebrate it can be small. If anything, I think that if he wants to continue with her, he should listen to her feelings more and come up with a compromise. I don't mind big weddings, but I know quite a few couples who either had small ones or just had it done at a courthouse. I don't know how she can be called entitled after this. I hope that wasn't OP's description of her. Lastly: People in comments, stop comparing your experience with anxiety to the fiancee's. I can't begin to tell you how disingenuous it is to believe that you can equate yours to hers. Just don't.
Story #1: Why tf aren't the families helping with the cost of the wedding when they're the ones that insisted on having this big grand event with tons of guests instead of the small, intimate one that the OP and his fiancé preferred to have? 🤨 Not to excuse the fiancé for leaving him at the altar, but maybe things would have turned out differently if there wasn't all this unnecessary stress and pressure attached to the wedding. And the families might feel left out and it may not be the most romantic option, but you don't owe anything to anybody if you decide to just go down to the courthouse together to get hitched and forego a wedding ceremony altogether. 🤷♂️ The marriage and life that you share with your spouse is what matters at the end of the day. Not one big stupid overpriced day that most people just use to stroke their ego and sense of self-importance 🙄
Very much so, that's what it seems to go down to "she ruined my day at the alter" ....I bet she wouldn't if they found a different way to get married. They don't seem to be in sync with each other if that's the case, honestly.
First story: He coulda listened to her wen she tried to tell him but at the same time they are not kids anymore and she’s acting like one so both sides playing a part here she has to learn to face up to her fear of commitment and stop running away from her problems if she wants to solve them if she wants to be with him as she claims and he has to learn to listen to her wen she’s trying to communicate something to him maybe a big wedding is not wats needed some people just don’t like being around too many people in big places she needs therapy for her commitment issue and he need therapy for his communication
Story one is kind of his fault. She said over and over that she didn't want a big wedding and you let her get bullied into something you KNEW she didn't want. Her family us the ass his family is the ass and he is the ass. Yall bullied this poor girl until you got what you wanted and this was the consequences
2nd story... When my husband took a call from his toxic ex I lost it, I stood up in front of him and told him it's me or her then went to pack my clothes, needless to say that call ended before it started. Shortly afterwards I changed the house number to avoid any other calls. Ps that was 25 yrs ago and before cellphones
first story girl said she doesn't want big wedding long ago guy uses big wedding as a way to mentally abuse her, power move 'n stuff guy asks if he is jerk that she escaped the abuse lol
@@czlek1707 the only thing she said was that she was nervous about getting married which is what most people are about their big day. It is not as if he wasn't having problems as well as he had to work overtime to pay for the wedding
I’d say please seek further education but no degree can teach you how to mentally act and react to scenarios like this. Seek therapy instead. Imagine defending someone who leaves a wedding and no yelling or cursing is involved. Where even the woman’s parents are left in the dust. In a literal different culture where weddings happen. And then having the audacity to say the man is mentally abusing the woman. Seek. Therapy.
First story OP should not forgive the fiancée and sue the hell out of her for skipping out on the wedding like that. Very selfish of her, no excuses. She had plenty of time to call it off.
Boyfriend that had emotional affair, leave that idiot, red flags, he doesn't deserve you and doesn't love you. Give yourself some time and take care of yourself. Once trust is broken crazy glue doesn't always work.
Story #1: op should just leave her. If a wedding anxiety is all it takes for her to run away, what about when they have a child together? 26 years old with a teenager mentality is not a healthy partner if you asked me. No amount of therapy can change a selfish coward, so the best course of action is just to end the pointless relationship with her and move on.
Story 1: IF she splits for a wedding, what is she going to do when she gets pregnant? By the sounds of it, she'd be fine for the first couple of trimesters, but then it'll be too late to do anything about the pregnancy. So what then? Ya can't quite just 'split' on that scenario! Grow up, woman! Story 2: Run. Run away screaming. Live the best you that you can and forget about him. Story 3: Your co-worker sounds like she doesn't have much in the way of issues, but full on subscriptions. Move locations as soon as it's possible, and follow this mantra: "Not my circus, not my monkeys."
Story 1 I think both of them are jerks. The gf obviously for ghosting. Op on the other hand is that person that dismisses his partners feelings because "don't worry about it" She probably did talk to him many times and he probably dismissed her many times. Take note of the fact he chose to have the wedding his parents wanted him to have, not the wedding his wife wanted to have. I honestly hate people who are so codependent of their family that can't cut the umbilical cord long enough to listen to their partners
i don't think op here was the jerk, but his girlfriend was, he got left at the alter by his soon to be wife and she came in after a few minutes at their house by saying i'm ready to get married now like listen to the story more clearly
You know the op has to cope 3 things at once? Work schedule, wedding planning and a selfish fiancee all at once? His fiancee did nothing but thinking about herself instead of op. It's good enough he tried his best to reassure her that everything is fine while dealing with his own stress and anxiety from all the 3 things his doing. I don't know why you hate people who are codependent towards their family members but that doesn't warrant you to make fun of people who value their families or traditions.
@@jm.sonomaki60 but his finacee backed out of the wedding, instead of telling him that I'm not ready to get married, they were supposed to have a Private wedding with their families but it turned into a public wedding.
For the first story she's 26 not 6 and she's had this problem her entire life without properly addressing it so I call bs on any excuse she comes up with. Frankly I would be reconsidering the relationship entirely. Like is she just going to run away from random stuff the rest of her life? I'm not up for that kind of nonsense. What's she going to do when they have kids? This is a lot more serious of a problem than just a ton of money wasted on a wedding.
You were very unfair to the lady in the first story. OP Admits that he kept brushing her off when she tried to bring it up to him. The entire story reads like it's told by a incredibly selfish person. At no point is he considering her, and that he brushed her off over and over. You kind of tend to have a bias in believing the
No that’s just wrong it’s not unfair. Ur joking eifht, the girl is the selfish one lmao. She ran away from her wedding cuz she was “nervous” and didn’t think for how the OP felt or how it affected him. He’s not selfish and honestly he’s not selfish at all, if it were me I would have ended it when she tried to regularly break up with me because she was “nervous” they planned the wedding, she said she was fine with it, and she only talked abt being anxious and the OP was anxious too so he brushed it off feeling like she felt the same, then she leaves him at the altar not talking once to him abt how she doesn’t wanna get married, she’s the jerk and I hope the OP can find someone better in the future..
At which point is she considering him? Yeah ur right she definitely considered him when she decided to run away humiliate the OP, waste all his time and money that he put into the wedding waste both their families time that traveled overseas, but that’s not selfish at all right! Pathetic u can justify this behavior
Story 2:just because he talks to his ex, doesn't mean its an affair. The fact his exes partner knows about this, it isn't an affair. They are friends. Not having an affair. So yes, the OP is the jerk.
Exactly. They both are jerks. He should have be honest with OP and tell her, that he talks to his ex. She needs to get over her issues. He is not her ex who did cheat on her. And she didn't talk to OP about their problems either.
Not that I know for sure but being that she was abusive imo the guy may have an unhealthy attachment due to being abused by her, I'm no therapist but I've seen it through friends enough.
Story 2: Bish is nuts. If there was never a rule "no talking to his Ex" then he can. SHE is crazy. Edit: 5, did anyone listen to the end FIVE YEAR RELATIONSHIP, This is an ex from 5 yrs ago that she's crying over. 🙄
First story: genders swapped in that story? Men don't really care about wedding, we care only about that woman we might marry but not actual wedding. Weird story.
@@koteiryuu-sensei Yes, and even less these days. For men wedding have always been about the woman and taking her as a wife, not really about the wedding itself. Men don't dream about wedding, men dream about women. Women dream about wedding. Everything in that story was screaming to me that it was a woman's story. So yeah, i think genders were swapped in that story and it was a dude who skipped.
I think the girl is better off if she stays single. The guy not listening to how unhappy she feels is a red flag. Sure what she did was wrong but the relationship is doomed. Not sure what culture this is but I met someone in the US who was just expected to marry someone in India as an arranged marriage and she was just going along for the ride. This whole thing with childhood sweethearts sounds very arranged to me and I doubt she has been given much chance for independence. Has she dated anyone else in her life? He mentions the running away when she was younger. I guess she just gave up running for awhile. The cultural pressure she is under is not going to be understood by an American. Somehow I doubt it was just the size of the wedding.
Damn I pity who u married because if u can justify leaving someone at the altar and the justification being the OP assuming that she had the same type of anxiety he had instead of telling him that she didn’t want to get married, then idk what to tell you. It seems the OP could do so much better putting up with all her bs running away every time a problem happens leaving him to just clean up the mess himself. Everyone is nervous before a wedding, but being nervous and not wanting to get married is different it is pathetic that u can justify someone getting left at the altar on their wedding day, she never told him that she didn’t want to get married and left him there, I pray the OP manages to find it within himself to leave her and find someone that appreciates him and doesn’t leave him to clean every mess up.
