Watching Burt is like watching a fire consume a small village. It’s beautiful from a distance, but when it gets close, all you can hear is the screaming.
Bert: I haven't been to the grocery store in 138 days. Also Bert: Releases tour vlog of him shopping at target and buying pizzas and food for his tour bus
The family of the woman who died during free dive: That analogy of Bert forgetting his shitting sequence has really helped the grieving of our daughter
@@smashin After doing all the math, that's gotta be at least 12 germs that are all up in his mouth. Good thing he has all that low cal kool-aid to help clean out that mess
Its ocd type shit, its about managing anxiety. People with high anxiety tend to try to control their enviornment in certain ways to keep themselves from feeling overwhelmed. Its about control, not cleanliness in general, cleanliness is just the variable to control in certain context
According to the "science" of the Body Mass Index, Joe Rogan is obese. Obviously, the "science" is wrong, yet these two idiots think Boogey Germs are lying in wait to jump and "infect" them their killer Boogies. They question the one science, then line up to let the other science f*ck them up the ass like mindless fatties. The least corrupt countries who held their citizens hostage for the shortest amount of time had the lowest Boogey Virus rates. Of course.... because people don’t get sick from germs, they get sick from being scared and upset about something that happened in their lives. Enter the worldwide FEAR CAMPAIGN. The Germ Theory was never actually proven to be 100% accurate, yet the trillion dollar medical industry is entirely based on that theory. What's the CAUSE of death in people with this "virus"? Does their brain explode? Does their heart stop beating? The CAUSE of death is still pneumonia. Pneumonia is not something you can "catch". It's a biological result of being "scared to death" of something which is exactly what the media has done to people dumb enough to watch them. You've heard the term "Worried sick". That's because your BRAIN causes you to become sick due to the stress it is perceiving! Why do you think young kids aren't getting the Boogey Virus? Because they aren't sitting in front of the news being scared to death because they're too young to understand a Fear Campaign. These pathetic "experts" just make shit it up to explain their narrative as they go. First they tell you kids bring home every illness from school because they're not "exposed" to enough things, then they say somehow they're immune to a Boogey Virus? Does anyone have common sense?! You don't show the symptoms of "disease" until you stop being panicked and afraid. These symptoms usually show up 1-2 weeks after you've relaxed and resolved the upsetting event. There's no such thing that some diseases you can "catch", but not all. It's not that complex! If you can't "catch" cancer, diabetes, MS, arthritis, etc., from other people, then you can't "catch" colds, flu and Boogey Viruses. So governments around the world are CAUSING fear frights in everyone based on an unproven THEORY by one man, Louis Pastaur, who redacted his claim of the germ theory on his death bed, yet no one listened. So of course, when everyone is allowed to escape the hostage situation the governments have put their people into, and they start relaxing about the Boogey Virus, that's not in any way transmissible, they will begin their healing phase (get sick), and believe they then have it, and more panic will ensue as well as martial law. The longer people allow this government to hold them hostage in their homes, the more severe the "sickness" will be. Can anyone put 2 and 2 together to figure out what I'm saying?? Western Medicine is pure fraud, and people's lives are destroyed because of it. There's no critical thinking anymore. People think they're educated because they've memorized the lies they've been told for 100 years.
Even when bert is pretending to be jennifer aniston's ASSISTANT he can't stop interrupting Tom (jennifer aniston)... Also, how many times does burnt krustybrain need to be wrong about pronunciations of words/names before he stops arguing?
bert is a total tik tok... he added a single extra step in his life and he can't even function. anyone older than about 6 should be able to manage. I bet not even 1% of people start forgetting to flush the toilet after getting a bidet... let alone 50%. i feel really bad for anyone he employs... imagine dealing with that tik tok logic all day when he gets frustrated.
I got a bidet and I forgot to pick up my kids from school. It’s been 3 months and I’m still sitting on the shitter. I just came across this video of Bart Crysharts and it literally snapped me out of this shit bidet hypnosis. Thanks BORT for reminding me to take the time to remember the important things and NOT fall victim to the toxic toilet water butt spraying delights of our communist allies.
Tom: "You talk about Whitney a LOT." Bert: "No, it's just today cause...." Literally, every single other episode: Bert: "Let's call Whitney Cummings!" "Whitney is so hot" "Whitney! You looked really hot in that bathing suit pic on Instagram."
Disclaimer: I'm NOT jealous at all, I'm pretty confident myself. Ok, now, I don't think Whitney is THAT beautiful, he needs to calm down lol. Altho I agree she's cool lol. Idk how Leann isn't offended by this.
Obviously everyone knows politicians break the rules, but Nixon got caught, so like obviously if people see me brush they'd say I was doing it wrong, so if I don't brush I cant get caught doing it wrong ---Bert probably
Ari tells Tom his breath stinks just when Tom has been roasting Bert for being a gross pig and he just plays it off and moves on very quickly. Seriously, this podcast will improve when Tom learns to take some jokes and starts joking about his flaws just like most comedians do. I know Bert is more prone to be the butt of the joke but man, the dynamic is so unbalanced. Joke about yourself Tom, its ok
Rodrigo yes and Bert didn’t even grab on to that and run with it because it’s not about him. Such a missed opportunity. And he said they all talk about it. 😂
Thanks dude. I actually forgot to adjust that story for Bertness when he told it. 😝 Doesn't help that Nadav is so incredibly bad at googling and can't fact-check his stuff in real-time
If Bert said that he woke up at exactly 2:30am and ate a half ounce of mushrooms every single day since kindergarten, as if that's the normal thing to do and that Tom is weird for not doing it, I would legitimately not be surprised. At this point it's the only theory that makes sense of his behavior.
Bert: "I haven't been to the grocery store in 138 days. I'm so scared!" - But has been in a ton of Wal-Mart Supercenters, gas stations, and toured during a pandemic. 🤔👌👍
Joey's a great hang, but he'd totally dose 60%-65% of anyone chilling with him. "Joey, what's in this popcorn??" "Ha, Ha, Ha, HAAAAA!!! The devil's asshole, BITCH!!!!"
They are very close friends and have been for a long time. He isnt pegging Bert on, Bert is just way too open about his life and his flaws and Tom lets him be that way.
dude, when bert answers tom's question "so you don't flush your turds?" with "there's a woman who died freediving" i legit froze for 20 seconds trying to process the exchange i'd just witnessed lol "there's a woman who died freediving i always used to flush my turds there's a woman who died freediving" *HAHAHAHAHAHA*
What are you mommies talking about? While your lordship is putting on his mackweldons after a fresh manscape, and preparing to ship a package of new shadyrays to my policygenius rep, I listen to this wonderful show and never hear any ads!
Deciphering Bert's logic on why he forgets to flush: - A female Free-Diver blew a kiss before unlatching to reach the surface and drowned. - Typically a Free-Diver would give a thumbs up and unlatch, but due to the addition of blowing a kiss this diver's usual routine was interrupted and she forgot to unlatch in time. So to Bert, the addition of pressing the bidet button to wash his asshole throws off his usual shit routine, therefore causing him to forget to flush. Bidet Button=Blowing a kiss In short, Bert is dumb.
I was listening to this at work and I'm slowly realizing that I don't enjoy Brent Krissel talking very much. I took my phone out and was like "how long is this going on for?". Maybe I'm just lame.
Hahahaha I just realized I think that’s the only reason I watch it and lately haven’t finished an episode cuz Bert is too much. He can be funny but too much of him is like when the douchey kid at a college party starts dominating the convo...
Bert thinks he’s way better at impressions than he really is. His English accent sounds like someone having a stroke on ketamine, and his Denzel bit sounded like an R worded stage production of the boondocks.
I feel like after a point it’s not even funny and just concerning lol. Nothing will ever top him scraping shit out of his ass with his hands to wipe though
@@stephen32frazier no no. You were blindsided by Bart's disgusting mouth. I understand why you'd want someone to bring him a toothbrush and toothpaste. I just think they could knock out two archetypes in one. An old, wise man; as well as the guy fatter than Brett & Tony.
@@Devin_Cook_For_Hire Maybe instead of Ed Asner, they could take his boyfriend Mark. Mark is fat but in a fit way and he is known to have a BEAUTIFUL mouth, and that's all I gotta say about that, I just know it.
My prediction before watching this episode: Tom - "You know, I read something very interesting today, it seems-" Bert - "OH MY GOD WE SHOULD GET SUPER INTO DIRT BIKES AND BECOME DIRT BIKE RACERS"
"...yeah, and we could get a big ranch in Montana with a bunch of other guys and we could have horses and shoot rifles, and, and, and, ...blah, blah, blah." Another typical Brent 10 yr old boy fantasy...
I’ve tried watching this episode 3 times while I’m blasted but only remember 10 minutes at a time and it’s like a new episode every time I put it back on which is amazing
A few episodes ago he did a rapid fire of asking questions that he either immediately answered himself or sped past with another question and I legitimately had to pause the video due to how overwhelming his thought process was. I usually listen to podcasts while having lunch or a late dinner, and I've had to stop this podcast more than any other because of the sheer amount of shit Bert will say that makes me feel like I'm listening to an insane person.
I understand where your coming from but after watching him make an ass of himself with adam sandler that time I don’t really know if he can control it. I mean he may just be fully tok’d
That's because Bill calls Bert out on his bullshit. Just watch any episode of the Bill Bert podcast, and you see why Bert comes with a totally different energy around Bill.
Bill is technically Bert's boss on that channel and he isn't exactly known for silly fuck around comedy. Bert says plenty of gross stupid shit on other podcasts hes just more comfortable saying crazy shit when its just him with his best friend.
