Episode 45: Why Self Compassion Is The Secret Ingredient In Healing 

Such a beautifully open, vulnerable and enlightening episode . I’m so thankful for you both for taking the time to share your experience and for making space for each other and for others to seek authenticity and compassion beginning with ourselves. So much suffering seems to be associated with toxic shame, denial, running away from ourselves compounded by internalized judgement. Your message needs to be whispered in every ear.

Jenna, the way you bared your soul today about your brother's death sounded so healing. I have heard you speak of him often, but there was something so different today. I pray speaking about him on this episode gave you fresh peace. I had not realized I do the same with my compassion. When I am depressed or can't deal with my own feelings I push and push to do for others. Thank you both for helping me on my journey to healing.

Thank you for this episode. I relate to Jenna's deeply held belief that she is not lovable. I have felt this for so many years. I have worked hard to love myself. When family and or friends exclude me from events, etc., it still hurts. I feel not seen and heard, like I'm not important or lovable. I feel like I move 3 steps forward and 5 steps back. I find it extremely difficult then to have compassion for myself. I also volunteer a lot and am seriously wondering 'why' today. I am struggling to let those close to me know how I feel, so I withdraw within myself. I long for a life where I am included without thought, but it is like my 'supposed' loved ones can't see me.

Wow. The someone always has it worse. I resonate. I have struggled with loving myself. I remember seeing all figures around me being soooooo mean to themselves, even my mother to this day. Thank you for this conversation

So profound brought me to tears Jenna speaking about seeing the application about learning to love herself and after the voice of the ego, took it on board. We all have so much to learn from that way of being ♥️

I’m crying so much right now and I’m so happy this episode triggered the release. I’ve learned through your work I was in fawn mode a lot growing up, interchanging with fight, flight, and freeze of course. This conversation has opened up the self dialogue of why I go into ice mode, simply for self preservation. Unable to voice my needs still, at almost 48 years old. I’m just thankful I know what’s going on with me now. Thank you for the work you all do 🫶

Love all your episodes! I especially loved that you opened up about anger and difficulty expressing it due to not learning it at home. Would absolutely love an episode about anger :-) ! All love and light! Xxx

Jenna - your vulnerability and rawness is captivating and hits me in the feels every time. It’s just so refreshing to hear and see. Just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate it.

Thank you for another great episode:) I appreciate you both for sharing your thoughts and vulnerability. I resonate with both of you deeply. As I’m watching this what came up for me is the saying “treat people how you want to be treated” we all know this saying. This saying was instilled in me growing up, but now that we are speaking about self compassion. I realize now that this saying is toxic and triggering. This statement taught me to show up for other people needs, and wants instead of my own. It taught me to really neglect my own needs, wants, and to have compassion for others instead for myself. It taught me that I was not worthy or good enough to have compassion for myself, instead serve others. I now know that loving me, having compassion for me comes first before anything else. I am worthy and good enough of compassion for myself. I just wanted to share this. I too, as Jenna said, “others have it worse off then me” to be grateful. This was said in my house frequently!

I want to like but it's at 111 and what a powerful number. Thank you for being so open and honest - this podcast contributed to my healing. Thank you so much!!

Infinite ♾️ gratitude 🙏 This entire dialouge resonates deeply with me. Self love is key to freedom

Another beautiful, resonating episode for us to explore ourselves. Thank you both 💓 Without compassion, the pattern of self-loathing and suppression continues and recycles. Compassion is the key that unlocks the heart - and that us the place where healing happens. To allow ourselves to " feel" is such an embodiment of compassion. This is where healing begins. 💜

So transparent and honest both of you ❤👑 Thank you 2 for making all of us so human , I love you! ❤

I absolutely love all of your episodes but today was so beautiful. Thank you Jenna for sharing about your brother Jake and his life and struggles. When you shared about what he wrote on the resume I had tears running down my face. Although he had so many internal struggles he could still see the areas you and your twin brother needed to work on in yourselves isn’t it funny how the ones we love can see things in ourselves that we don’t always recognise. Having a brother with addiction who I’m not sure will ever do the work on himself I resonate with your stories and examples you give. Thank you for sharing your heart and being vulnerable I can hear the pain and joy every time you talk about him. Keep up the amazing work ladies.

Hello and Thankyou! A big cry listening to this episode. Ahhhh, I’ve been seeing that the only way through what I’m going through is self compassion and have been practising it with EFT. And already noticing how I can have more compassion for others. Quite amazing. A trigger in this episode was a comment about being a spiritual connected being and I’m seeing how I judge others in that but simply what’s under is my yearning to meet source and be connected to all parts of myself.

This is so spot on. Self-compassion really does seem like the secret ingredient. It is inspiring and motivating to have a realisation that I can extend genuine loving acceptance towards myself when I feel defective, unlovable, full of shame, etc. When I notice these feelings in myself, I've had times (recently!) when I realised I had a choice to be gentle with myself. This is very early beginnings and very small, seemingly inconsequential everyday feelings/ examples, but it's hopeful for me nonetheless. I really like to ground this stuff in somatic body awareness. One way that I show self-compassion towards myself is by gently caressing my hand with my other hand. I vary the pressure and way I caress/hold my hand. I feel it. I experiment. I am here, I embodied, and I can love myself without words. That always feels more powerful and effective for me personally because a lot of this pain is pre-verbal and I have a tendency to stay in the cerebral/thoughts which is a defense mechanism that disconnects me from myself. Big love to you both.

Thank you for this episode. This is something I struggle with.

Hey guys ❤️ thank you 🙏So I've only listened to 3 minutes so far and taken in the definition of Compassion and the first word that came into my head for the opposite, was JUDGEMENT...wow it was instant! I had to write it ... I'll had to write it down ... ok back to listening now. 🙏

Such a necessary conversation. The topics i wish could be expanded on are: 1) learning to move on from hurt . I learned the same exact thing from my single mom as nicole did. When you are angry respond with passive aggression, silent treatment and u never really move on. I find my self now wanting to choose a different response in my marriage but not knowing how.

Jan I was born - and I live - in Holland and this is the first podcast I hear/see in English It touches me deeply. Thank you!

Thank you so much Nicole, your book literally changed my entire mental state of mind. It gave me a map on what I needed to do to make myself happy. I've come to learn so much about myself, good and bad. I laughed, I cried. Today I finally caught up on all your podcasts. (I've been listening since Feb 2022) I can't wait for you new book to come out! Thank you both Nicole and Jenna for helping me understand myself and validating what I feel. Confirming choices I've made for myself and well being, It's hard being the oldest of 14 kids to not be a "care taker" these episodes remind me what I'm doing and who I'm doing this for. Me, I've never focused on myself so much in my life and it's strange but beautiful.

I give more compassion to other more then I do to my self I am learing to give me my self compassion.

Wow I needed this to say. So eloquently spoken! I’m experiencing a major life shift at 26 years old moving back into my parents after a failed long term relationship, getting my physical/mental health. Having this moment to reset and take care of myself, boundaries and finances will help me on my journey of self compassion 💗Thank you for this today 🌸

Brought me to tears so resonate with all if this ❤

this podcast has helped so much with being gentle with myself, id love to hear both of your opinions on dealing with waves of motivation and how to feel motivated when you're also not feeling the most present or low on resources. thank you for all that you both do💞

Thanks you for the class.. I am wondering though about the balance of self compassion 🤔. Can it make us more self centered or more selfish.. ?

I have a question about compassion/genuineness. I am a person struggling to make ends meet but I'm always willing to give. I know there's a component that makes me "feel better" about myself but there's also a huge part of my willingness to give is a genuine desire to make the world a better place for anyone and everyone. I know I used to give too much of myself to prove I wasnt a "selfish spoiled brat" and then when I became so convinced my existence was a burden on society I found that helping others have me "proof" that I'm not a burden and my existence makes the world a brighter place. I think my intentions in helping are genuine but I give more than I can afford (financially, emotionally, and physically). I need to find balance but I'm struggling with that. Thoughts on insights I may not have had to help find this balance?