Hey Nate, so is number 2, challenging thoughts, NOT good with OCD sufferers? Or is it ok in the regard you're discussing? Sorry I was a little confused. In the last ive thought "this person/people didn't really care or judge me like I think (ex a school/work presentation)"....but that hasn't worked. I feel like I should think "maybe they did, maybe they didn't" instead, which you also talked about. See my OCD making me confused! Happens to me in therapy too
I definitely am a people pleaser, I have struggled with this a lot in my life. But as you mentioned in your video, deliberately doing the opposite (making mistakes, doing things that I'm not sure people will like) has helped me so much in my recovery!! Thanks ERP :)
yes, it hurts me bad at work and lately i have been standing up for myself. im in a high position in my company and never really felt that the title fit me but i am making it fit and just being me. needed this video right now, thank you
Oh my God i m extremly shocked this is the most needed video for me right now. Because i m a people pleaser and i wanted to change it badly i messaged u several time to make video on this topic but at last my request is accepted by you thank u so much for your support. Want more videos on this topic
I used to have this but now I'm older and wiser I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. It's none of my business unless they tell me then I will never know. Its impossible to figure out how other people's minds work
I used to care what people thought, i was horribly co-dependant. I had all the social media platforms and would always hope nobody had anything bad to say about me. I deleted all social media(except youtube of course) and the feeling of not caring is so liberating, whew! Thanks for this video :)
Thank you for the video! It really helped me! I am always a people pleaser as long as i remember. If i THINK i hurt someone, i can only think about what i THINK what went wrong, there are moments that i could not think of anything else while playing games, eating, sleeping, i could not distract myself it felt 99% impossible in my mind, i am also someone with a very low self esteem, ive learned that loving myself helps to overcome negative thinking. I am just starting and i am seeing my life differently before i started, im hoping to find more ways to cope with negative thoughts, self love is one great thing ❤
Learning boundaries helped me a lot. It took some therapy and reading about how to set boundaries, but it was a game changer. Also mindfulness meditation helped me not judge my thoughts too harshly, books like 30 Days to Reduce Stress by Harper Daniels were beneficial.
My goodness I think god is putting these videos on my feed I’m a 100% people pleaser and don’t know how to stop , sometimes it’s difficult to be yourself and not care what others think😢
Yes I have been a people pleaser. I don't want to cause anger in other people. I want to be a peacekeeper. But, as I get older I have found that I can't please people to the detriment of my own emotions. If I determine it is something important then I stand up for myself. I guess that makes me passive and then aggressive. Oh well.
I had to make a hard decision not to enable a friend to keep drinking alcohol. I didnt want to make her angry but i felt it was wring and im actually better off without this person using me for their own selfish reasons.
I care for people, I hate to see people feeling bad, but if it is what I cannot handle I'll wave it out my mind. Sometimes when I'm happy or excited about my achievements, I just do some giveaways even though it's not much although not everytime because I got problems to, so I also have to take care of family, team and myself.
I read a theory that in older societies we had to fit in to a certain degree because if our group rejected us wed either be cast out to die, or maybe killed or at the very least ostracized. Our life depended on fitting in. This is not going to happen in a modern world he worst that happens is people might not like you but in many ways that might be a blessing. The happiest people I know dont caremuch about petty opinions,only what their loved ones think.
Thank you Nathan❤ I have Complex PTSD. Sometimes it shows up as an anxiety. Sometimes it shows up as OCD .I am always thinking about what other people are thinking of me. Your videos help me a lot. Maybe maybe not helps with my health anxiety. I have taken a lot of notes from your videos and keep them in a notebook for when I need help. I am also taking your OCD course. I hope you have a wonderful week.❤
Thank you for this video. Can you do a video on how to explain OCD to friends and family? I am constantly struggling with their inability to understand anything but pure rational thinking. Thank you.
This one is really difficult for me. I agree that people liking or disliking me is not a life-or-death problem. Nonetheless, these same people often act as 'gatekeepers' to something I would want or value (a job, membership of a certain group, opinion of in-laws in case of a relationship, etc.). It is the huge impact of people on my quality of life that makes me so anxious of their disapproval.
Hiya i recently finished my OCD support group, i think the main things i learnt was about trying to tolerate the anxiety through not checking or seeking reassurance, mindfulness (leaves on a stream), trying to notice or observe thoughts, a little anti-OCD, generally trying to tolerate the anxiety through not seeking reassurance, and to try distance myself from my thoughts i aware on self reflection that i think im very emotionally sensitive, i think i can be triggered easily; though emotional detachment in its positive and compassionate sense helps me cope, though being sensitive can make coping with OCD thoughts harder at times, possibly i think i may care to much i not sure, OCD seems to attack what i care about i think at times i have are violent thoughts and they feel so real, i think i react emotionally and over-emotionally at times to them because they feel so real and upsetting, and thoughts can make it difficult to tell what is and what isnt real, i also get thoughts (little like tourettes) where i feel i want to blurt out obscenities, or feel i want to write down obscenities, though i try resist, it can feel very tiring at times i think i still really struggle with being able to accept reassurance at times, esp when i feel anxious i think what reinforces OCD, or makes it worse, is something bad could happen and i could not tolerate it if it did in my mind i think i was wondering (hope this doesn't sound a silly Q), how would i try disengage with the violent thoughts and thoughts i want to blurt out/write down obscenities? would emotional detachment in a compassionate sense and mindfulness help possible, or roll my eyes at myself, when i noticing i having a upsetting thought could i try saying something like to myself "im noticing im having a thought that eg i blurted out the word "f**k" if possible or "im noticing i had a thought that i knocked over a computer screen", to try to distance myself from the thoughts even if they feel real? when my mind wont accept reassurance, could i try in the very nicest way "purposely not worry", walk away or not seek reassurance even from myself (even if it feel very hard to do)? kind regards thanx richy :)
Great video❤ so insightful and encouragingg😊 now I know I’m such a people please which actually made me feeling so discomfort all the time having to do things and say things that I don’t want to. I should regain the power and control and be authentic to myself instead of trying to gain recognition from outside 😊
It’s so hard sometimes. I have visual Tourette’s (staring ocd) and it effects everyone around me. I’m constantly mocked for it and my manager at work even stared back for obviously noticing; and engaged another coworkers about it. Is this condition something I could get in trouble/fired for? I just want to feel normal.
I don't always think it's built in from birth, sometimes it's because of parents turning you into a lamb for the slaughter, It parent/gardians maybe other people taking care of child, (not always parents, people may have great parents and someone else could cause it)making the child feel over response able,an need for approval ,that never gets met and grows into adulthood, One of the better therapists I've had helped me with that information, Although your information on how to manage people pleasing really helped me, Love alot of your videos, And thank you for sharing nathan, keep them comming💚🌸💫
This definitely helps... but i think what i am afraid of is people abandoning me.... What if my thoughts are not same as the other person and that person ends up hating me and leaving me? i hate the thought of being alone... although i keep saying that im not afraid of being alone deep down i know its one of my biggest fears... but thank you so much for this.... im surely gonna try these
Thank you so much, Nathan. I've watched your videos for a few years now and you've helped me with OCD and anxiety so much. I am definitely a people pleaser, to the point where it often feels debilitating. I say yes to everyone, and I never speak up for myself. I'm going to try really hard to be more authentic and know that I'm not a bad person for taking up space and letting my needs be known. I'm always so scared of coming across as a nasty person. Even with strangers. I'm constantly smiling and trying to make sure the tone of my voice is friendly and makes people feel at ease. Stuff like that. But then no one ever really gets to know me properly. Even people I'm friends with. Maybe somehow I picked up the belief that I'm unloveable if I do speak up for myself. This needs to change. Thank you for sharing this. You're such a great human being.
Love this video! I don't know that I struggle too much with people pleasing. but I like the concepts here. They can help me in my "just right" thinking. How can you tell the difference between an anxious thought and an OCD thought? To me, they feel the same and it sounds like you treat them differently.
Thanks for the video! I can absolutely relate. There is so much power in trusting ourselves, doing and being the best we can, and letting the rest of it go. Us people pleasers always seem to think others are doing something ‘better’ than us, that’s why we have to please them. But eff that, we may have different experiences/ insights than them, so we might as well just believe they are trying their best, as are we, so woopdee do. “Try your best, forget the rest” said a 6th grade teacher
I love this video! Thank you! I’m a total people pleaser and am constantly rethinking things I said or did I’m front of others. It’s exhausting honestly. I need to try these; thank you again!!
I struggle so much with this. Embracing my uniqueness and building confidence were especially helpful tips for me. Thank you so much for the amazing content!
Wow- I was just obsessing over this specific topic last night while trying to recover from Harm OCD and next day, you upload this- Perfect timing You're amazing man, thank you
Look into stoicism. Its not what i thought it was( being robot like or Mr Spock) its about not showing weakness, keeping dignity snd privacy and its all to your benefit.
