Evolutionary Psychologist Shares How Women Select Men 

In a women's studies class that I took back in college, I remember the day when the TA brought up the 'double standard' when it came to sex. The double standard stated that if men and women both slept with lots of partners, that meant that the men were pimps and the women were sluts. I remember pointing out that 'its easy for women to sleep with lots of men, where it takes skill for a man to bed a lot of women'. The TA absolutely exploded that day. It was priceless.

Lmao, a man's expectations on intellectual capacity. "If they can mumble a little bit, that's fine". That got me.

Men need to understand their value. This value is extremely important. Being well developed mentally and respecting your body and abilities will help you filter out the BS with modern women. Not every woman is a prize.

As a clinical psychologist, I appreciate the valuable insights shared in this video. The discussion on sexual selection theory highlights that women tend to be choosier than men in selecting sexual partners, especially in casual encounters. This selectivity is linked to qualities associated with mating success. Moreover, women prioritize intelligence in both short-term and long-term partners, while men exhibit a greater desire for sexual variety. These findings shed light on the complexities of human attraction and provide a foundation for further exploration. Thank you, Dr. Peterson and Dr Buss, for your insightful analysis.

Here’s a bit on mate selection: There is a building where women can go in and select a husband. The rules are that you are allowed to go in and select a husband and leave, go up floors but you are not allowed to go back down floors. A woman goes in and finds the men on the first floor have jobs. She decides to see what the second floor has. She goes up and finds the men on the second floor have jobs and are quite handsome. She goes to the third floor, there the men have jobs, are handsome and love kids. Things are getting better so she proceeds to the 4th floor. The men there have high income jobs, are very handsome, love kids and are quite the romantic. Well, golly! I have to see what the 5th floor has, she says and heads on up. The fifth floor is empty with only a sign that reads “there are no men here, this floor proves that women are never satisfied, please take the lift to the ground floor and exit the building.” Across the road is a building where men can go and select a wife. Same rules apply. First floor has women who are quite pretty. Second floor has women who are quite pretty and love sex. Floors three, four and five have never been visited.

I’m an old man now, but when I was young I was always told to be nice to women - to go above and beyond to make them feel valued, cared for, and appreciated. All that brought was a lot of heartbreak. I eventually got married to an “adult infant” (as Jordan would refer to her) and ended up losing about $300k and equal access to my son in the process. I was and continue to be terribly abused, but that doesn’t matter because I’m a man. The lesson learned? Don’t ever be a “nice guy”. Instead, be kind and always focus on becoming the best version of yourself while being considerate of others’ needs (I.e., don’t place the needs of others above your own). Never, ever chase women. Chase your dreams and women will naturally come to you because of your confidence and success. Then the trick becomes how to screen out those who want you for the wrong reasons (and that will be most of them). For you younger guys, once you understand that you have little-to-no inherent value as a man, and that what really matters instead is what you provide, life will make much more sense to you

I'm a woman and I've always been attracted to men who didn't have 'game'. I always thought that I needed to make a good living so that if I was with a man, I'd be with him for what kind of a person he was, not for what he could give me financially - I'm not for sale. I wasn't looking for 'rich' - accomplishment comes in many forms and those that are the most accomplished are not necessarily affluent. What I found strange was that the best looking, successful men seemed to be the most insecure. Basically these men weren't looking for someone who was accomplished, they just wanted what I call a 'nick-nack'. In all honesty, I was looking for good company, mutual admiration, someone capable of a deep connection. I was luck enough to find that man we've been together for a number of years. That said, I don't think that making a fool out of yourself over the opposite sex or falling for the wrong person is the province of any particular gender. Men eventually learn that looks aren't everything and women eventually learn that bullies aren't really strong men. I do not blame all men for the sins of a few, I would hope men would have enough sense to do the same.

As a woman (married 44 yrs) I found my husband attractive and desirable because he made me feel safe. But there is alot that goes into that. I was raised on rabid feminism. It took years to unravel what was like cult brainwashing and accept my true feelings on romance and men. When my husband made me feel safe it made me strong. Also I think both sexes have to realize that when married neither are mature. Committed marriage is the best path to maturity.

My old roommate very likely had a genius-level IQ. He was an intelligent conversationalist, quick-witted, and his future was bright. He had a crush on this waitress. She was attractive and super nice to my friend, always happy to see him when he stopped by the restaurant. However, she did _not_ come across as intelligent in the slightest. He planned to ask her out and we asked him, "But do you think she's smart enough for you?" He thought about it and said, "I think I'm smart enough for both of us." It reminded me of the perceived intelligence study he talked about @8:00.

"Men are less selective. If she can mumble." That's classic. lol.

Always enjoying these discussions. Thank you for sharing them , professor.

4:48 seconds in and I'm on the edge of my seat! I'm in a 3rd level evolutionary psychology class. And wow! I'm reading his textbook and when he talks he literally speaks in his textbook. We students love his textbook as it reads just like how he is speaking now. He truly loves his career! Love you too Jordan!

10 years ago this was regular knowledge, common sense. Today it's an intellectual insight. Great...

Schrödinger's feminism: a woman is simultaneously a victim and empowered, until something happens. Then she chooses which state benefits her the most...

Many moons ago I lived in Cambridge MA working as a waiter. It was impossible to get a date and some women seemed offended that I even asked. I applied to MIT grad school and got in. From that moment on it was exceedingly easy to get dates, even though my income level as a waiter was higher (in grad school loans gave me negative equity).

Great video as a case study in how infinitely more appealing Jordan is in delivering technical/scientific information than anyone else on the Internet.

I nearly spit my coffee out when he said, "If she can mumble a little bit, that's fine"

I was fortunate enough to meet the woman who would become my wife when I was 17. 14 years later, 8 of which spent married, and we're still madly in love with each other and have a beautiful daughter. We're also both so thankful we don't need to deal with modern day relationship bullshit

Its a refreshing to see such a provocative topic, discussed so imparitally, and in keeping with what one might obviously expect without prejudice.

I think there's a big difference between what a woman answers to an interviewer, and how she actually acts.

I think we all kind of intuitively know this stuff, but our modern society has become so progressive we've lost touch with these basic truths and got stuck in all this fuzzy utopian thinking that men and women are the same. You only have to try and get laid as a guy to figure out something's not right. It's good this is being discussed more openly now.

Imagine being approached by a woman who asks you to have sex, you say yes, then they’re like, “just kidding it’s for a study”. HAHA!

As a man (looking for a relationship), it's often best to develop yourself. Educate yourself, learn what kinds of jobs you can enjoy/tolerate, develop your skills in all areas, and find a version of "success" that makes you happy. These actions quite often lead to interest from others as you'll be happy and confident in your sphere of influence. But if not, you'll still be happy and healthy without the relationship. The worst thing you can do is search fervently for a relationship to be in, which you'll inevitably settle for in many cases; this will lead to jumping from one relationship to the next and unlike in the first case you'll not be happy alone or be as particularly attractive to others. Work on yourself and better things will follow.

Im one of those guys who could be a model (not bragging its just the way it is). My looks alone have gotten me very much attention from all kinds of women. They really do put a TON into how you dress/look overall and how you carry yourself.

There is one thing that wasn't discussed here. How discriminatory men and women are when it comes to physical attractiveness when considering long term and short term sexual relationships. My experience would tell me that men are also much less choosy when it comes to physical attractiveness when it comes to short term sexual encounters. The reverse is true for women. Physical attractiveness is much more important if they are having a casual sexual relationship.

I like how these guys talk for ten minutes on common sense observable mammalian behavior and people start soiling themselves with rage.

The upper conversation tells us how a mentally healthy women chooses a man but when it comes to women with low self esteem, daddy issues, narcissist families , narcissist parents, childhood traumas, etc then the criteria changes then the bread crumbs looks like LOVE and majority of the women in todays world are BROKEN.

Video and guest aside...the comments section takes another whopping 2 hours to read ...fantastic! Thankyou everybody for sharing your bits of wisdom and info...I certainly am enlightened

When I chose my husband and he accepted my wink and nod to let him know that I'm interested "I think you're handsome and pretty cool, just so you know" Him: "thanks, I like you too!" And we decided to become a couple, then we got married. Been happily married for 10 years this September. We keep it simple and straightforward and it seems to work. Didn't want to chase or play games. He wasn't rich or influential, just a lot of common interests and life goals (we both wanted a big family!) And we found each other cute!

Studying the night club environment is probably the best way to understand this. It’s truly fascinating to see the rules of society complete circumvented. This allows for the nature to take over. I think that’s a contributing factor to violace and night clubs aswell.

This channel is doing good for humanity! God bless you prof.

I’m one of those rare guys that have no interest in having sex with a stranger let alone multiple partners. All I want is one woman who is my best friend for the rest of my life and possibly to have a couple children. I’m in no real rush although I should be because I’m 32 now. But then again I thought I found her 5 years ago (my best friend) we stuck together for that long until I broke it off. She turned out to be one of the darkest souls I’ve ever met. Looking back the red flags were slapping me in the face hard but I was in denial because I wanted her to be “the one” so bad. Still going through the heartbreak of losing what I THOUGHT I had but I now know I’m better off without her. I also know I should listen to my friends and family more.

*Guy trying to explain his sexual preferences* "I'm not saying that you women are dumb, no reason to get mad. I'm just saying I wouldn't mind if you were"

Another thing is that we women never have to worry “is this baby mine”. I think that may be why chastity is linked with virtue, chivalry and male respect for women, but modern women can’t see that.

Jordan... I can see you very much have a friend in David Buss... 🙂... Your views on partner selection are very much aligned. (and I think very accurate too... obviously). Loved the interview... Loved the humour in what David was describing. I'd love to know David's views on the current cultural/social behaviours driving the whole incel issue (wider than "you don't have the right car", or "you're no Bradd Pitt", "You're not funny", etc).

I clearly remember choosing my husband by wanting to meet his family. I wanted to make sure there was no alcoholism which was in my family and I wanted to make sure that he was in it for the long haul making sure I had a father for my children. I noticed that he was intensely in love with me and therefore I knew that if I was irritable or disrespectful that he would put up with my nonsense. We have been married for 43 years and he says he is more in love with me than when we first met.

I like how he still remembered what the question was after 4 minutes of digressing

Love all these talks. I was so excited so hear Dr. Peterson is set to come to Akron Civic Center in April. The ticket prices are beyond ridiculously high to afford. It is too bad, everyone should be able to experience his sharing at an in-person venue. So glad we have you tube.

Very interesting talk. I wonder if the choosiness changes when we’re talking about really attractive males choosing a mate I.e. individuals who are highly physically attractive, extremely charming, intelligent, talented etc.

You should do a discussion on age gap. I see and personally know of many young women in twenties that are selecting men that are sometimes 15 or so years older. Is this a perceived notion that the older male will have more resources?

I have several Dr Buss books and he definitely nails it down right here. This is very important to understand the dynamics of mating strategy in men and women. Once you understand it completely. Then you are not surprised at how things work. This is freaking fascinating to read and listen to.

Just watched Cinderella with my granddaughter. The happy ending is every woman’s dream …status and security. Same for Snow White. It is universally acknowledged

Great conversation and great topic ❤

Not responding to a woman's sexual advances, rejecting her, creates an interesting response. They really don't like it when you say "no”. They mostly respond with anger, maybe a public shaming or other attack, in an attempt to make themselves feel better by making the male feel worse, like it was a big mistake on his part. Sometimes they are just not worth it guys.

I'm looking forward to seeing the next part about Dark Triad

The average guy is just grateful a girl he likes is pleasant towards him. That's the business model for Hooter's and strip clubs.

Great interview. Nice to hear about actual clinical evidence about the differences between men and women. I lot of people just throw out any random statement they want on that subject, and act like it’s a fact.

HER FIRST TEST (for dating): The physical attraction test. No pass equals no chance. Corollary: the better the woman looks, the fewer the number of men who will pass that test.

I’m a 70 years old Canadian male and since I was about 18 I’ve always said this: “A man almost never chooses a wife, but a woman always chooses a husband!” After watching this excellent video it appears my basic theory is mostly accurate.

Glad to see Dr. David Buss popping up more now-a-days.

He is the most inspiring person I have ever met, I listen to a lot of his stories. Those shares changed me a lot for the better when I heard those profound shares from him

Nice to see Dr Peterson interview someone instead of the other way around for a change.

A poll was conducted to see some differences between men and women. Bot were asked the same question. What is the acceptable percentage of items on your checklist that will determine that the person that you met is a worthy mate? The vast majority of men said that if a woman has at least 45% of what they are looking for, she is a keeper. As for the women, the vast majority stated that if a man has 80% of what they are looking for in a mate, they feel as if they are settling for less.

This is dope to see these two together! Had the pleasure of seeing Dr. Buss speak in Santa Monica at a business conference in 2018. His findings are fascinating!

My issue with this version of selective mating is that it is missing a huge aspect of modern dating, social influence. You cannot leave out the sociology aspect of dating/sex/procreating. There are many aspects that society affects our choices in a partner and even if our physiology leads us in one direction due to our evolutionary ancestry, we aren't in the same situations as we were way back when. Looking back even a few decades will show a drastic change in mate selection from both men and women and is likely to change even more. Biological indicators are super important, don't get me wrong but I believe that cutting the clip right at the point of bringing up a potential sociology aspect leaves the point almost entirely void in relation to modern relationships. Ultimately, I believe that you will see the proof of a historic style of mate selection in areas where people aren't thinking, ie. a stranger walking up to a stranger and having sex relatively immediately, but when it comes to longer term or procreation partners, in today's day and age it is multitudes more complicated now that we have something that actually resembles freedom of thought and choice.

So many generalizations in any such a large domain as this. It truly only makes matters more complex and difficult.

I click on top of my phone just as JBP notif came up. Definitely do not regret it.

There was some interesting data derived from dating sites in US. The women on these sites were only interested in about 10% of the men on these sites. The main filters were declared income and height. It took at least $25000 more per annum to compensate for each inch missing from their acceptable partner to agree on a meeting. Height codes for physical fitness and income a measure of intelligence. A sense of humour was also high on a woman’s shopping list. Women were much more mercenary than men.

Intelligence with compassion and humour is a winning formula for me; the 'looks' as they say, fades over time as can money.

Great intellectual insight. Not critical here but - I struggle to identify with historical reference to Darwin. We can drill into the effect of on-line dating from this point and its not good for the undesirable on paper. Note. Great to witness Jordan getting some good listening time in. 👍

Loved this discussion, about halfway through the whole thing. You continue to be one of my hero’s Dr. JP. Thank you so much for existing and fighting the good fight.

Sir Jordan I love you and your work. And there are few reasons for that. You are extremely unbiased, highly qualified and tough to say what's right but very soft and caring from inside! God almighty bless you 🙏

Professor Gad Saad is awesome on all subjects of evolutionary psychology..

The clark and hatfield study is so indicative of what they’re talking about and so revelatory of how different men and women are.

Oh how I have been waiting for Jordan to interview Dr Buss. His books are incredible, have learnt so much from reading his work.

Seeing Jordan Peterson in Denver tonight!! So excited to see the most influential man of my life.

3:55 So I think it’s worth remembering as most do, the act might be a one time thing but looking after each other for the next 9 months and ever after needs a long term commitment. 6:45 In my opinion, this is a *huge* social problem that has seriously twisted the “balance of dating power” in modern societies, resulting in negative outcomes for All. To be honest, if you look at the dating app trends it’s made most women feel excessively desirable. This is why I think men need to *value themselves* more, especially if they’re spiritually guided, by striving for Spiritual Soulmateship. Then it shouldn’t be about superficial desire but converging within deeper Principles, and *everyone* will ultimately be happier.

The general environment counts too, I would guess. And a social environment as well, hence gossip? Mean Girls, the movie? Dr. Peterson's lectures are usually interesting and sometimes funny.

I think something important which needs to be taken into account when considering the difference in the willingness of men and women to have sex with a stranger is that a woman has to constantly be considering her own physical safety when around a male she does not know. I definitely agree that women are more picky when it comes to casual sex, however I guarantee that in that experiment there would have been numerous women who said no, who would have wanted to have sex with the stranger or go back to their apartment, just as the men wanted to, but the women have to take into account that saying yes means being alone in an apartment with a male they don't know and that might be the reason they say no, not because they are being picky.

There came a point in my life when I stopped letting sex be the primary factor, the less I worried about it, the less women had power over me, the better my life became and then when I would have it, it would and still feels like the powdered sugar on my crepes, I don't need powered sugar on my crepes all the time, but it nice here and there. We can sit here spend all this money and time breaking down how a cookie crumbles or we can accept what is placed before us and learn to navigate life with no hang ups.

A great Woody Allen/Diane Keaton exchange from the movie Annie Hall. Keaton: Sex without love is a shallow experience. Allen: Yes, but as shallow experiences go it's one of the best!

Great work Dr. Peterson! Scooby snacks for you and Dr. Buss.

MGTOW - No false accusations, no jail time, no nagging, no lose of finances, no wondering are the police going to show up at your door after a harmless date/marriage, no losing the house or kids (none) , pets etc. It is far far cheaper to rent a Professional Pleasure Provider.

Sexual selection is a fascinating topic. My favourite essay in university was written on intrasexual competition and male aggression.

Everyone needs to hear this.

Great topic, a lot of it definitely has to do with confidence. You ain't getting yourself a good girl without having some of your stuff figured out E. G. Career, lifestyle, etc.

A most succinct analysis of human sexual behaviour. A game-changer in our understanding of our women.

These discussions are the best. Love it. Thanks so much!

WOMEN: status, intelligence, stamina, resourcefulness, conscientiousness, ambition, in-couple generosity, social skills, talent, bank account ... / MEN: hip-to-waist ratio, youth

If a girl walked up to me on campus and asked if I wanted to have sex I'd think I was walking into a trap

I’m curious if male and female answers to these questions are more a product of what they think society expects them to answer(or they’re self image) and has less to do with their actual behavior. I find most peoples view of themselves is drastically different than how they behave.

I love your book 12 rules for life it was beyond amazing. ❤️

In one word : Dominance hierarchy

As my mother always told me: whoever chooses a lot ends up being chosen.

“When it comes to sexual partners, mens standard drop to embarrassing levels… if she can mumble a little or even not” Man just roasted an entire gender 🤣

When it comes to selecting a person to share your life with, I've noticed that a good portion of both genders are real Bad judges of character.

The at start when jordan asked with real enthusiasm what women really want, you can just see the frustration building up from all the years hahah

Many immune sytem disease like sclerosis multiplex cannot be traced back to genetics but to childhood traumas

I've been waiting to see this!

I found the movie, "When Harry Met Sally," an interesting study on the difference of two young people of the opposite sex on a humorist note. Both strangers at the outset of deciding to make a long road trip together. Another good movie is "It Happened One Night" with Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert. Romantic comedies are a good learning device in the relationships of men and women, but not in all cases. Watching them on a date with a woman is a great way to learn about that girl you don't know that well yet.

This is illuminating to me as to why I've had tremendous success in dating and having sex with a variety of women at certain times in my life, but have also utterly failed and gone without sex for over a year at a time at other junctions. I do have a few things going for me, like height and intelligence, and I'm not ugly in the face, but I'm also not Brad Pitt, nor remotely rich or famous. This video made me realize how much or how little success I have in dating has a *TON* to do with my willingness to trade down as a man. During times when my standards were lower, I have often dated just to date and get to know new people and have someone to attend various events with me. This more casual dating very often led to sex by the second date, quite naturally and with fairly minimal effort, because I do have some qualities women view as trading up compared to guys and dates they have been on in the past. I'm tall, smart, laid back and not pushy, sometimes funny, and always open and adventurous. Many of the women I've dated have mentioned me being a breath of fresh air in some of these ways. So they spend a date with me, and it seems like by the second date they've already decided they want it to end up back at my place, cuddling, etc. The other times in my life that I've had much less success in dating are the times that I've been more serious and relationship oriented. When it comes to seeking a life partner, I'm much more choosey and want to trade up or get the best mate possible, just like everyone else. Ironically, being more serious like so many women say they want often leads me to have little to no sex and no success finding a partner because my standards are too damn high. Suddenly none of the women who I feel meet my criteria also select for me, so I go on much fewer dates. And the dates I do go on, I usually feel a little disappointed and can't really see myself with the person in a long term, committed way, and since that's what I'm looking for I don't even pursue sex in the minimal way that often led to it when I was more casual.

I understand the difference between a young girl's psychological predisposition towards men versus older more mature women's psychological awareness. A young girl's environment, which she is raised in, will heavily influence her choices in who she selects for a relationship. As an older woman, I now understand the enormous value in being self-sufficient and self-reliant. Any relationship built on need will not survive. It doesn't matter if it is a need to be recognized, loved, or a need to be financially secure, the relationship will eventually fail.

This video was surprisingly way funnier than I thought it’d be

One of my uncles (moms older bro) intelligent successful and good looking. My mom said lots of women were after him in his prime and he turned them down to marry a less than average lady (in looks and brains) My mom asked him why he chose his wife and he responded better marry a fool than a high maintenance lousy wife.

One wonders if cultural differences have an impact on mate selection. How would it affect this study in Middle Eastern, Oriental or Sub Sahara African countries for instance.

Great content as usual. /// It's difficult to discuss without considering culture and regions. On some places *availability* is highly valued (with not so great considerations over quality), meaning the men who are available and willing to get married young and have children are seen as "high in value", specially because in such regions at young age women are looking to get married-fast, and being too young and not having much is not even seen as a problem, more is expected from men (there) but anyway it's accepted that both are betting on their mutual future. Age range is also key. At young age women hunt for guys, then they stop, then MEN spend years chasing women, and then women come after men. Many of us were told (as guys) when we were young "don't worry, if you do things right, women will eventually come after you" and it's true, I know this now that I'm older, and so many of my male friends. Also, numbers matter... there are just too many women and less men, numbers won't like regarding market rules. About sex... a friend (psychologist) elaborated around penetration, how different it is for a human being to approach sex penetrating another being, VS a human being being penetrated and having something inserted (fluids) on your body. Might not sound as much out in the cold, but the more you think about it the more you realize the details around intimacy and vulnerability. Even STDS are different in external regions vs internals. I would also consider *honesty being a key word*. It's easy to find lots of men and lots of women talking about dating and mate selection, stories, patterns, "rules", dynamics, etc. But if we apply honesty, we might realize how around age X, Z, Y, none of them (us?) had any idea of what we were talking about mate selection.

This was interesting and informative. Thank you!

I remember years ago doing online dating. I put on my profile, I don't care how good looking you are if you are mean I wont be interested in you. I got a lot of attention. I still ended up with bad relationships.

Woulda been nice to hear the rest. That was entertaining lol

Given gender selection patterns, from the point of view of most men “we’re happy to have done as well” whereas most women “settled” f or what they could get.