Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Tim, a former opiate addict from Clearwater, Florida. For ad-free, uncensored versions of SWU videos, as well as some exclusive videos please subscribe to: / softwhiteunderbelly
As I sit here in a lonely dark room watching this documentary and smoking fentanyl after loosing my wife of 14 years to a relapse and overdose after we were both clean ,after seeing sobriety for 6 years I can honestly say it’s not easy but the happiness is worth it, I don’t wish anyone the pain I’m feeling right now and am so proud that you were able to remain sober. All I long for is to be with her again, don’t care about anything else.
Sending you all the love in the world. There’s not much else I can say. Whether or not you believe it, you deserve to feel peace; whatever that may mean or be to you. ❤️
I wish you the best. I've lost an ex girlfriend and my ex-wife to this battle. My best friend, who was there when my brother passed, committed suicide a week ago. Not to mention all of the friends from school and through life that have passed. The struggle is real. Just know that it CAN be different, once you really want it. I will say a prayer for you. Just know that you're loved by someone somewhere. I wish you the best, keep your head up.
Tim's voice is an example of what it is like for addicts when they are completely off of drugs, he has constant anxiety all the time and just talking to people is not pleasant for him. Long term drug and alcohol abuse damages the prefrontal cortex resulting in anxiety, social anxiety, impaired decision making, bad memory, depression, compulsion. These people suffer from mental health problems that need to be treated with understanding and compassion, not looked at as weaker than or less than, yet there is this stigma that addicts are taking the easy way out being high all day.
You are correct sir. I was definitely nervous telling my story for the first time on camera, especially RU-vid. It was definitely easier to keep using, than to face reality. Unfortunately that really only leads to two places, institutions or death. I've got too much to lose, and too much to live for.
@@Tim.M.Johnson Tim, you are a really likeable person. Like, a very good person. Smart and articulate. Loveable 💗 Tough 💪 Handsome 🤭 Hate seeing this happening to you. 😥
Lots of respect for you Tim, you took some hard lessons in life the hard way and for this I am sorry. You have worked hard, humble and respectful. A real u turn - congratulations 👏 x
I know you're not making the money you used to make Mark, but I can assure you the impact your videos make far outweigh any picture you've ever taken (not to diminish your career.) Please keep it up.
@@doopstoop4656 Ofcourse money is part of this. How is he going to be able to create this content without it? He has spent a lot of his own money on this project.
I didn’t want this interview to end. Found him fascinating. He’s been through some serious shit, that would have destroyed a lot of people and has come out the other side. He’s a tough dude, very likeable. I’m sorry that all that happened to you and your family Tim…. Thanks for sharing your story. ❤️
It’s the most uncomfortable, nonstop feeling. I was a Xanax abuser too and I swear it fucks up your nervous system. I think anxiety is the number one reason for relapse. For the ones that truly want to be clean.
Another reason to respect Tim... I don't recall another interviewee who took the time to thank people in the comments. A true gentleman. His family should be proud.
Living with pain is no only physically exhausting it's also incredibly mentally exhausting, good on Tim for taking on the attitude he has when living this journey! Stay strong buddy!!
Tim, my brother was in a devastating motorcycle accident as well. Motorists don't allow a car length for people on cycles like they should. His ankle was so shattered that he looked down @ his foot and didn't recognize it as his own b/c it was facing the opposite direction. Doctors told him he would heal, but never run a marathon or anything like that. Three years later, he completed his first marathon. The tenacity of the human spirit, body, & mind cannot be understated. Good luck to you, and thanks for sharing your story.
ya know whats funny though the arrogant fucking few that ride bikes take over the road like they own it splitting lanes of traffic just for the fun of it those bikers get every single thing they deserve. normal one just driving normal on their bikes they're cool to me
@@Tim.M.Johnson wow Tim you’ve lived 100 lives already. 😉 Thankfully you’re thriving and sober after all that. I wish you nothing but peace, love and happiness...to you AND your entire family. I live in Sarasota, was crazy when I heard you say St Pete, very close to home. Lol God Bless and take care.✌️
Hi Tim, I have lived in the Largo/Seminole area my whole life. Drugs are so bad in Pinellas County. I am so happy that you found your way to sobriety. Just from watching stories like yours and others on You tube . I can only imagine the pain and struggles that comes with addiction. Never look back and continue your life sober. Much love , prayer and well wishes from over here in Largo.
May of 2020 my oldest sister accidentally overdosed. I am the baby sister and had to be the one to make the phone call to our parents. It’s a nightmare I relive every single day.
The poor dude is going back to terrifyingly sad and brutal memories, give him a break. I would be a wreck too if I had to condense all my deepest traumas into a 40-minute video.
Mark as an ex heroin addict I want to thank you for these videos. They remind me of the pain I was in, why i was using, and also show me how far I've come since I decided to get clean. I watch these videos and I feel for these people still stuck in the life. Thank you for giving addicts a voice in a world that is so cruel to us who only wish for us to die, who think we are useless and not able to change, who stick felony records on us almost forcing us away from being able to have any type of normal lives. Our childhoods were rough but the world continuing that abuse us I think is ultimately worse and keeps us in the cycle.
I feel his pain. I have a similar story in a lot of ways.. benzodiazepines and opioids are a demon, they will forever try to destroy me.. almost 20 years of abuse but I can honestly say, today I’m winning.. I’ve lost everything just in the past 6 months, EVERYTHING! But, I fight everyday not to fall victim ever again to addiction.
Yes, he was such a good person, and I've held onto blame for a very long time. I've slowly had to accept and realize that he made the choice, but I still have guilt for ever allowing myself to let him take part with my friends and I. He was only 18 months younger than me, so he always wanted to hangout with me and my friends. The worst part was he got sober and cleaned up, then would dabble once and a while. What got him was mixing the benzos with opiates, especially with a low tolerance. He was my only sibling. Thanks for your comment.
You’re a good guy, Tim. I find your story fascinating. I’d love to hear more of it if you decide to share more here, again. Mark, thank you for allowing people to come to this safe place to share with all of us. My eyes are wide open come what may. All the best to you, Tim. 💕
I don't get why doctors keep prescribing opiates for wisdom teeth?! Especially to someone who's had drug problems?! Like I also had mine impacted and had to be surgically taken out. Had two surgeries both only on local anaesthesia, went home by myself after it both times and the only thing I've got was ice and Ibuprofen (advil) for like a week and it was fine?! Don't they realise that giving opiates for such a small surgery is SO dangerous like why
Yup I am a recovering addict and that’s all I got as well for pain. I wasn’t expecting anything else either except antibiotics and Ibuprofen 800mg. I am on Methadone 90mg 1x daily, Gabapentin 800mg 4x daily, and medical cannabis around 0.25g a day of 90% pure cannabis distillate or live resin. Being on Methadone anyways for addiction it did WONDERS for my tooth pain post procedure of tooth extraction and an an infection in my gums. I really didn’t need anything else.
They don't prescribe it anymore. Not in florida anyway. The epidemic had become so bad that there were pain clinics EVERYWHERE. People would come here from out of state just to get pills, until Gov Scott & Pam Bondi finally cracked down. That left a bunch of addicts with no supply. Now we have a bunch of heroin & fentanyl addicts. Very sad. :(
I'm a nurse. If a patient states they have pain a 10/10 or even mention that they are in excruciating pain, then the doctor has no choice but to treat the pain with something stronger like an opiate. Sometimes doctors have no choice. We can't ever assume that a patient is an addict, or addicted to opiates, otherwise we can lose our license or get sued. It's very complicated but we are usually faced with these complex issues every day.
This is probably one of the strongest guys I’ve ever heard speak. He has beaten a lot of odds and came a long way over a rocky road. Respect for this dude.
He’s been through it. It’s inspiring to see him stoic in the face of his circumstances. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself, and compared to him I’m the luckiest guy on earth, perspective.
Hats off to this guy ! He is one of the few on this channel that takes responsibility for their own actions in life. His drive to improve and staying focused on being a good parent is very honorable. I wish Tim the best.
I mostly agree with what you're saying, but honestly the majority of people accept their decisions as their own and take responsibility for their actions from what I've seen on here and speaking with addicts personally. They just have a disease preventing them from stopping
The strength you have is radiating. Your story brought me to tears for half an hour Tim, and it’s so good to see how high you hold yourself. It’s hard to do that sometimes, even when we are in recovery. Thank you for sharing man, hope you are well.
This was by far the best interview I have seen on SWU. So informative. I have watched them all and this man seems to be the most sincere. No BS. I am sure he will stay sober and this might help many others. We all make mistakes in life. Now you are on the right path. Thanks so much for telling your story.
I super related to Tim. I grew up in Central Florida at the same time and experienced a lot of what Tim described. I wonder if we ever crossed paths. Wishing him the best and grateful we both survived.
The tone & timbre of his voice - especially added on top of the emotional tremorw - really hit home. My heart goes out to him. Few things devour the soul, leaving behind a sad, hollowed-out husk, like drugs do. It doesn't matter; it eats away at a person, leaving them less than human, in their own eyes & the eyes of the world. Thank you, Sir, for treating these already-damaged people with such respect & dignity.
Man did he just make it through the whole interview without mentioning the sickness you get when you don't have it? This dudes tough, I am THE first one to mention the horror show sickness when talking about my addiction. He didn't even mention it DAMN!
Yeah what the hell? That’s one of the first things I will mention to people who are curious about how addiction works. I try giving them the analogy of getting food poisoning, having the flu with a 101 degree fever, getting the most severe panic attack that lasts like 4 hours at a time, finding out your family died in a plane crash, feeling like your bones are on fire, can’t fall asleep or stay asleep, impending feelings of terror, finding out your spouse cheated on you with your best friend, finding out your child is not really yours, etc. You get the picture. Pretty much some of the most intense mental and physical torture you will go through, as a result of hijacking your brain and forcing it to be artificially dependent on substances to make it through the days.
@@thesunbehindthesun1574 See you nailed it!, I explain it like that as well. I hate when people say it's like the worst Flu you've ever had......Doesn't even come close to the pain it really hits you with. Indeed very odd of him not to mention it, That's one of the first things I mention too when trying to explain Opiate addiction to people.
@@joski9030 I have been addicted to many things in my life, The two hardest things to come off of was Opiates and Alcohol. I used to drink like a fish and at one point was cracking a bottle of Vodka in the morning....NASTY! One thing I can tell you is you know when they say "It get's better" I never believed it but it does, When you quit drinking it is hell for a few weeks then milder hell for a month then shitty for about 2-3 months THEN nearly nothing! Not kidding, The only issue is making it that long. Good luck man I know exactly how you feel.
Dear Tim, It’s not your fault that your brother died. I promise he doesn’t blame you. I also promise that he wants you to do what he wasn’t able to do. LIVE! live your best life! Let go of the pain and guilt. It’s the only way you can move on❤️🙏🏼
God bless this guy. I went through a somewhat similar situation loosing my younger sister. She was my only sister and i lost her to drugs and suicide at 29 yrs old. That has been 17 yrs ago and i was prrgnant with my youngest child. I to had to be the one to break the news of my sisters death to my family. One of thee most tragics events Ive ever endured. My one and only sister, my best friend. God bless.
He is about my age and sadly, this is a typical story from our teenage/early adult life. The pill mills and the Oxy’s, all the opiates and Xanax. I graduated high school in 1997 and have about 30 close friends who died due to overdose or use in general. I finally got clean 3 1/2 years ago. It was not easy for us coming up during that time.
This is one of the videos that have a huge impact on me. I can't imagine loosing my sibling like that. The guilt, omg, just unbearable! What a strong, amazing person you are! I wish you get a good life, you truly deserve it!
He almost looks like he’s going through withdrawal in this video, the sweating, extremely anxious and it seems it’s taking a lot of his energy to just speak and it can feel like that when your body needs drugs. Unless he’s just a nervous wreck.
Tim, there is so much I need to tell you, but for the next few hours tho, I gotta go help take care of my dad. I’ll be back. (unless my frazzled mind forgets until it remembers) You’re a good guy, and worthy of so much respect with what you’ve been through. Don’t let anyone, not even yourself (Sorry, not to presume, I am my own worst malefactor in my existence, and I know how commonplace that is) convince you otherwise!
Tim i gotta tell ya, you are one tough guy. Not only physically. You have had a tough life up to the present time. But somehow you had the intestinal fortitude to get through it. Have you ever considered becoming a counselor of some type? You are right, you have to change for yourself. Period. Life is all about priorities, and you are living proof of it. You should be proud of yourself. I am proud of you and i never met you. Your son has a good old man. Stay straight, stay safe andGod bless you Tim.
It is for sure. Unfortunately it seems like music and "pop culture" glorify the partying lifestyle nowadays. I hope that my story may deter or help someone in a similar position.
@@LuchadorMasque I definitely agree that once drug problems became more visible to mainstream white society, it was harder to ignore. This was very obvious with the opioids crisis which affected everyone. Drug laws often affected people of color far more than whites and that was no coincidence. Look at the sentencing guidelines for people caught with cocaine versus crack.
Such an eye opening, educating interview. Feeling thankful that I could hear his story. So glad Tim is doing so good now after all he has been through. Became a father to be proud of. Best wishes..
Tim’s story is very similar to mine . Immaturity and drugs I was always a strong runner picked up weed then cocaine then OxyContin and eventually heroin and fentanyl . I’ve been in recovery for 6 years I’m on methadone , my life is manageable but I still have cravings I hope I’m able to stay clean
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and take things one day at a time. I'll say a prayer for you. Finding a hobby is a great thing to help direct your time and energy to something positive and time consuming. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know.
Thank you for getting back with me , today will be a struggle as meeting up with an old friend whom still use and I don’t need much pushing so wish me luck
Yes... one day at a time Tim... and, enjoy all those good times with your kids, parents and friends too... congratulations on your sobriety... much love & blessings to you... 😇🙏
Tim, please keep pushing forward. I hope you attend either AA or NA, not only for your benefit, but you have so much to offer others. Sending you love, light and prayers for your serenity and sobriety.
So glad you made it through after all these tragedies. So sorry about your brother. Think of the good times to keep his memory alive . It’s great you have your child now. Wishing the best for you and family. God Bless You All! ❤
I agree. Seeing someone who came out on the other side gives everyone out there struggling hope.❤️ there are so many layers to addiction and the complicated web it weaves. This channel will go on forever!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm praying for you, Tim. More parents should get clean for themselves to feel better and for their children's sake too. I commend you! I hope others learn a lesson from your talk. Best wishes.
Thank you Tim for his courage. You could tell this was physically and emotionally difficult. The withdrawal is the most brutal thing I've ever gone through in my life. It takes time to rebuild your body and mind. Vicodin was a blessing & a curse for me. Thank you Mark!!
What he describes about Suboxone is the main reason that I stopped taking Suboxone and moved to generic Buprenorphine. It doesn't have the Naltrexone in it, just the Bupe which is the main drug in Suboxone. This way I can receive morphine or other opiods if I end up in the hospital.
