Failed Assassinations - History Hijinks 

Try Historia Civilis, he makes really good historical videos

@Kim Yo Jong's Sandwich you're describing his lunch ;-)

"so with his back against the wall mithridates killed himself from poison...except he did not because he was immune" -blue,2020

No we sell shit, this is Skegness.

so... is that a nooooo?

"Is this the apothecary?" "No, this is Patrick."

hAhA funny poison man

SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE TOLD ME TO KEEP MY VOICE DOWN?

Guards: How do you have a smoothie before smoothies were invented?

@@animeguardianxx *holding a pile of matches in his other hand* Time Travel

I think you're meme would've been perfect if the guards said: what'cha got there?

With some Bang sang

Guy Fawkes: Also my name is John Johnson, I do job at place.

*life

saltiest of the salt let me just correct you there with the qoute: ”You have mama-d your last-a mia”

I'm going to become a legend by ending this man's hole life Why does this not work when I tried it all I get is a much of media attention and forgotten about a week later,

haha foonny

If he'd just been a good king, we'd likely never know his name. Even the greatest had certain personality quirks that made them interesting

“So my hands are tied” made me laugh

Funny poison man

We all saw Mithridates coming in this list a mile away

Ah, Blue said murder, not mob justice

I am genuinely curious if that Signora Rossi’s blood line is still around and if either A) they still have that apartment (maybe refurbished but still have it none the less) at what now must be a ridiculously cheep rent (probably), or B) they’re still around in general

@@chrysaor5171 I think the building was demolished and replaced with a statue commemorating her. Still a pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.

@@chrysaor5171 It *was* "For as long as the republic exists". Since the Venetian Republic lasted another 500 years after that point, and was dissolved in 1797, the rent is no longer dirt cheap.

That’s manslaughter, not murder!

Not cool bro, banned from internet 😔✊

Two of my favorit childrensbooks play there, "The water mirror" and "the lord of the thifes"

Rolls a nat 20

GraceNoel 1213 .

Broke: Russian Roulette Woke: Anatolian Shots

Princess Bride reference?

Fun fact anti freeze in wine actualy makes it taste more sweet

@@lostgem8225 And possibly kills you

@@jamesharding3459 ***Possibly***

"Oh my, that is _quite_ toxic"

*a head

*wheeze

decapitation:a great way to get a head!

Good to know!

Get head**

Mithridates: Curse me and my genius!

If there is a god, he has the same sense of humor as a sadistic DM.

Amen

Before you develop imminuty to every poison in existince at the time: There's no way I'll ever regret it! After you develop imminuty to every poison in existince at the time: I was stupid. So stupid.

Why stop? They're insane and rather creative when coming up with new ways to out crazy each other. It's like a never ending sea... of crazy! Ok, I might have a minor addiction to the crazy.... ;)

Jinx That’s ok, You can stop whenever you want

No,our boy Blue does not have a addiction to Venezia,he can stop anytime he want,but why stopping now when we can talk about *THE MOST SERENE REPUBLIC*

@@whafflete6721 exactly

@@jinx7501 The First step is admitting it. Its ok we can get you help, you just have to want to give up the crazy :P

If you’re not plotting somebody's murder and going through two Byzantine emperors a year, you’re doing something wrong.

@@minerva9104 or are the Byzantine Emperor and doing something very right.

@@dynamicworlds1 Inconceivable. The archives must be incomplete.

@@minerva9104 2 a year? Those are rookie numbers. If you don't have the Byzantine emperor under constant plot, regardless of who he is, having bribed the entire court, then you're doing it wrong.

Look, it's CK2, you're either plotting against or seducing literally everyone always. That's just how it's played.

Mithridates: Weakling die, big deal.

“Sir, there may be poison in your wine” “I know. I put it there”

Fun fact: Unless you have a cut somewhere along the way, snake venom generally isn't poisonous to ingest. I mean, yeah, don't try this at home, but the venom has to go pretty directly into the bloodstream to work. The other poisons will have been the classic Mithridatism (of course named after the king), but the snake venom makes for a good party trick because it looks impressive without actually being all that dangerous.

@@thesilverprincess "sir you may have wine in your poison" "Wut"

@Axiom Steel i mean he just told us how to ingest venom without dying, so unironically pretty much

funny ha ha poison man

Huh... didn't know it was a perk of that tree. Is it useful in game? Or is this not actually a skyrim alchemy tree thing?

Actually,the mod Ordinator has Alchemy Tree and that has, as Master perk, you drinking your most lethal poison and if you survive you get even stronger ..Mithridates is my new OC don't steal

@@rafaelfigfigueiredo2988 Ah, a man of culture i see

Glad to see another Nexus friend

(huge applause from everyone around)

Nice job croco

Want to not have your rent risen? Knockout a person with a stone mortar

Not gonna lie all I thought of when I read your post was; 'Crystals for banishing someone: Any of them if you throw em hard enough.' 'This here's my banishing rock'

I dunno that rock look like a flower pot but guess that was a stone craved one.

Why does this comment not have any replies. This is great!

@@k.hizzle5376 it's so great that it needs no replies

@@little_ghosty1854 Great point and an equally great username.

@@k.hizzle5376 thank you!

@@little_ghosty1854 Is there an origin behind the name or…?

let me fix your comment for you : Assassination is just murder *of* fancy people.

regular pooh: murder fancy pooh: asSASSination

Agreed

@@TauGeneration Let me fix your fix: Assassination is just murder of fancy people, on the down-low. (I mean the whole point of assassination is to be subtle for the most part unless they explicitly want it to be seen but it starts to bleed into terrorism by then.)

Quite literally, as the definition of assassination is the murder of a known, often political, figure by surprise attack, usually for payment or political reasons.

Yarg-Xothoth, lord of darkness and scourge of the seven kingdoms, slain by an old woman with a granite bowl.

@@funnyvalentinedidnothingwrong How is that pronounced?

@@tompatterson1548 I would assume it's pronounced the way it looks. No reason it'd have any unusual silent letters or anything.

@@tompatterson1548 Yee-Arg Zah-th-Ah-th

Funny Valentine Did Nothing Wrong not to be confused with yog-sothoth, elder god and incomprehensible horror beyond space and time, whose son was, as Red put it, "magic'd into not really existing" by three guys with magic incantations, magic not-being-invisible juice aka paint and a gun. just a gun.

Bruh moment

And, you know what, here we go again.

Is your user picture Hades from Lore Olympus?

@@phastinemoon Well yeah of course. Look at the beautiful man!

I always relate to people from the 1600s; being a uneducated peasant in a sea of uneducated peasants.

im taking notes

Your character has singlehandedly increased the demand for explosives so much that they are charging you 50x what the rules say they should.

Tom Patterson Realistically, the NPCs would likely strive to increase the supply if a product as profitable as black powder was suddenly being bought en masse. Which could also cause them to start actively advertising the surplus, inspiring many new customers to what was originally a niche item. That character could actually kick-start the rise of black powder, causing it to be researched and eventually used for various new explosives imcluding, but not limited to, mass-produced firebombs for infantry units. They'll escalate to clearing out bandit hideouts with explosives, and bandits will escalate in turn to holding entire buildings for ransom with bomb threats. Truly, a new era has begun because of that character's insistence to solve problems with a bang.

@@altsadhara That sounds fun ngl.

As a dungeon master i have to say NO BAD

Fun fact: Cleo was actually the granddaughter or great granddaughter of mithridates (i forgot which)

@@bencaspar it must run in the family

Oh man, I remember my history teacher in high school talking about those, and MAN was it hilarious. XD He also had this little gem: "Pretty much all roman emperors dies of natural causes. Of course, if you were the emperor, natural causes included disease, being stabbed, being poisoned, being run over with a chariot, burned alive...Basically anything other than dying of old age!"

@@AegixDrakan To be clear, quite a few Roman emperors died of old age. I mean, sure they didn't die peacefully in their bed, but dying to a plot identical to dozens that they survived in their prime is more or less the same thing. @Aj Farrell Ironically, Nero's mom pulled a Mithridates' and built up immunity to poisons in order to survive. The only difference was that it was Nero's assassins who stabbed her to death, rather than a friend.

Ah yes, the person who was a worker who held the job at the place and did the stuff.

It wasn't Fawkes who wrote the letter, it was Francis Tresham. He didn't want his bro-in-law to get blown up.

@@Rabbit-uc5kg Which is fair enough. I wouldn't want my brother/sister-in-law to be blown up ethier.

I'm amazed it didn't end with them blowing up.

Alexis Crow I’m pretty sure that it did end with them blowing up, actually.

@@murlocknight1427 If there's one thing that blew up, it's their grand master plan, and right in their faces

Puts a hilarious spin on Anonymous using Guy Fawkes as their iconography.

@@reyonXIII now I am picturing what if the Gunpowder Plot had failed not because it was discovered, but because in trying to dry off the powder Guy Fawkes caused it to go off before Parliament was in session... History books listing the "Explosion of Parliament" as one of the great unsolved mysteries with several conspiracy theories surrounding it, but none of them involving a Catholic coup attempt.

Yeah I was sceptical but he legit couldn't be poisoned *even if he wanted to*

No, his body just became resistant. He was an expert in using poisons, no way he was stupid enough to not know how to poison himself. Only, when the time came he decided to share his dose of poison with his wife and kids, sparing them the triumph and hoping what would be left would be enough to kill him. He didn't fail to die because he was immune to all poisons, he failed because he loved his family and didn't plan on having to kill them.

Oh yeah man, building up a resistance to poison through ingestion has been around for AGES. This is literally the same concept as vaccines.

It's basically how alcoholism works

NightRainPanda you a- anti vaccier?

Which to this day I find as an absolute shame because he totally deserved some assassinating.

And Teddy Roosevelt survived an assassination attempt by having his speech and his eyeglass case in his pocket, which slowed down the bullet, and then gave a 90 minute speech that earned him the appellation "Bull Moose".

One of the friends who pulled Jackson off the would-be assassin was a certain David Crockett of Tennessee.

@@Janoha17 He did open with "It takes more than that to kill a bull mouse..."

Yup, Jackson is the only president in US history to apprehend his own would-be assassin. Not a good president, but definitely a badass.

Or what about the time Andrew Jackson beat the absolute shit out of his would-be assassin?

If you want something more modern, there was a man who was shot by his wife. Turns out he was trying to dirty bomb Obama's inauguration.

@@MysteriumArcanum not only did he beat the shit out of him with a cane, said assassin brought two guns, both of which misfired due to high humidity/rain!

@@Clippy111 And his own bodyguards had to restrain him when I looked their was a very real chance he was gonna club the dude to death.

@@Clippy111 The assassin didn't have two guns. The second gun was pointed at the assassin.

The princess bride?

@@panicontheargo7034 You bet.

Panic! On the Argo love your username

I kept thinking of that scene during the story! XD

I mean, Rome did have Sicily, so a failed Sicilian assassination is not at all out of the realm of possibility.

Same here, I loved that history class :)

Cat in the Hat started WW1.

It’s my favorite historical documentary.

Lee Hatty Oswald

Cat in the Hat: You have failed the vibe check! **(B O N K)**

All the other MP's with the blown-up kicks.

*Pump Up Kicks start playing*

@@monkey_blu put on that new Medieval Pumped Up Kicks.

Merritt Animation outrun muh arquebus

Polished Up Boots.

Really?

@@the24thcolossusjustchillin39 yep, in italy there are 2 rules that are older that our nation itself: 1. your nonna is the best cook in this plane of existence (this applies for every single Italian simultaneously); 2. any sentence uttered by your grandparents (but especially your nonna) is ABSOLUTE LAW never to be questioned. The good news is that every nonna has an endless factory of candies and sweets that she'll give you like the smoothest drug dealer there is (or at least this applies to me).

@@the24thcolossusjustchillin39 italian grandmothers make you an humble person by bringing divine terror into you ....

​@@richardvblack9415 I literally don't know how to respond to that

@@richardvblack9415 as a second generation American, from Sicilian grandparents, I can say this also applies in the US XD DO. NOT. FUCK. WITH. GRANDPARENTS.

I want to know more about that!

Qin Shi Huang!

Ah, Jing Ke's Wild Carousel in the Imperial Palace. A classic, if I ever saw one.

@@Levsa399 here is the short of it an emperor if in a meeting someone pulls out a dagger, and the king did have a sword (a ceremonial o a to long to be practical) and none of the other people dared to aproched the emperor (one because it was a crime and because they might get accused of also being assassins) so someone chucks something to the face of the guy buying enough time to get the sword out,

@@Levsa399 it’s a small part of a very long video but xiran jay zhao has a video about him and talks about it. it’s called the emperor of chinas ridiculously dramatic life

Psychopath is the best path

0:18

"Factor out the unfathomable human loss, and a guy could really get a lot done."

it reads, like a goddamn joke at coups...How, How did they think this would work?

@@kyokyodisaster4842 I will give them credit for thinking big picture and realizing they needed the raw numbers of a popular uprising, strong allies, and to hit with all available force on their first strike. The rest is just plain stupid.

The guy who sent the note was the brother in law of the recipient, if I remember correctly. So maybe he was trying to avoid losing every marital dispute going forward?

Then there was Andrew Jackson who beat the living daylights out of his attempted assassin

*well anyway, here's wonderwall*

@@ashleightompkins3200 god Andrew Jackson was a fucjing legend

@@Attaxalotl Mumbo Jumbo?

@@borisaustria4301 just a meme

Wait, I missed the context. What does that reference?

@@samuelevans738 The Tito-Stalin Split, or Yugoslav-Soviet Split, was a conflict between the leaders of Yugoslavia and the Soviet Union, which resulted in Yugoslavia's expulsion from the Communist Information Bureau in 1948. Over the next 5 years, Tito faced a total of 22 assassination attempts by Soviet agents until Stalin's death on March 5 1953. The above letter was found in Stalin's office, leading many to believe that he didn't actually die of a stroke, but was poisoned by Tito's assassin.

Even better, Stalin stopped trying to assassinate Tito after that.

@@wraithcadmus cool

Love those little trivia random ppl send and others complement. Thanks, guys

OH NO

Is that even a thing?!

Samuel Evans I mean there were the berserker mushrooms

@@wildhunter939 huh...

@@wildhunter939 That's been discredited... Although there is evidence in Viking graves of bath salt like drugs and types of nightshade which may have been used to induce the Berserker state.

Benny Hill presumably blaring at full volume.

To add to the Benny Hill theme, Qin Shu Huang tried to draw his sword to defend himself. Problem was, he was wearing his ceremonial sword, which was so long that he couldn’t extend his arm far enough for the blade to clear the scabbard. So presumably he was running around the column while holding his sword 3/4s drawn and trying to find a better angle.

@@davidblair9877 That's funny. I'd heard "ceremonial sword" and thought that meant it was just fancy and made out of precious metals (solid gold or something) that made it useless as an actual sword. The fact that it was just comically long hadn't occurred to me. On the subject of ceremonial swords, are you familiar with the marine officer who led the storming of John Brown's Fort in Harper's Ferry? Apparently he'd been in a rush to get to the fiasco and grabbed his dress sword. When he confronted Brown, he made a stab at his chest. Brown was wearing a US cartridge cross belt, and the sword was deflected and bent. So the officer did what marines do (improvise, adapt, and overcome) and bashed Brown in the face with the knuckle guard.

Hey, it was a beat we could all dance to

@@enkiimuto1041 Ooooh man, I got chills.

Ad campaign. PR blast. Get your faces out there! Send an email with your exact location to every player in the game!

why not the I.M.P

Guy Fawkes: So I'm not crazy! Isn't that great, Catholic Jesus? Catholic Jesus:That's right Fawkesy. Now... kill them all! Guy Fawkes: As you command my liege.

Rattlesnake go brrrr

The great! The legendary hero!

Mithridates VI was the IRL mortarion lol.

Venom is actually perfectly consumable. It must be injected into the blood to be harmful. Poison is of course, a different story.

@@connorgrynol9021 as an aside, venom is only really safe so long as their is no open sores or wounds for which the substance can be absorbed. So if you have ulcers in the stomach, or went a little too hard on the tortilla chips and breakfast cereal, maybe rain check that shot glass of rattlesnake juice.

*everyone drinking the water drops dead* Mithridates: babies.

Romans appear with trebuches (?) "Parry this, you fucking casual!"

hey, hey- eating random things and then taking notes on whether or not it killed you is a long, fine tradition. Most ancient culinary and medical discoveries were through this method. Also, this is how we discovered a lot about radiation.

Just don’t eat the Jarrin root.

*Restore stamina learned from Bear Claws.* *Damage Health learned from Nightshade.*

This is the first time in my life i ever saw the name Williamson, and even if surprised, i don't doubt it.

Those are the dumbest sounding, silliest names I have ever heard. That's like walking up to someone who's unironically named Scooby Dooby Doo.

I think it’s more the fact that there super default. If he had said John Doe or John smith for his name you’d be suspicious of him using a fake name no?

In my country, whatever we met a person with a name like "John Johnson" is the custom to tell them either "damn! Your parents must be jerks" or "damn! Your parents must be morons"

@@hockey4240 I mean there is a reason why John Smith is a default... It's a common name :D

*RESPECT YOUR ABUELA OR GET VIBE CHECKED BY MY BOWL, BOY!*

Imagine an 80-something year old actually saying either of your comments, I'm wheeze

@@CooledJets You do realize that once our generation reaches that age we'll probably be saying that kind of shit? xD Its gonna be wonderful. So many old memes

Yohannai personally, I cannot wait

Yukka Kirisame Abuela is Spanish, should be Nonna.

and john johnson

Guy fawkes? More lile guy TORGUE

"The chinese emperor Zheng He, who escaped an assassin by circling a pillar. I managed to replicate this technique and regenerate back to full health."

Yackity Sax INTENSIFIES!!!

Insert Benny hill music here

@@adamzheng4362 TECHNOBLADE NEVER DIES

I shall gain the power of stab! But you can already do that, *WITH THE KNIVES* You're no fun

Alt. Alt. History: Mithridates ate age to gain immunity to it.

Deanholder De old people would die soon anyway

“I AM THE BONE OF MY KNIVES”

So would he grow claws like Wolverine?

"I cast Explosion." "Wait- is that a real spell? Let me check-" "I CAST EXPLOSION!"

Richard Hammond did an experiment with the actual amount of gunpowder. The test building pretty much ceased to exist.

He also had the balls to give the entire execution sentence the finger by throwing himself off of the scaffold and breaking his neck.

THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO KNOW

I mean, the Venetian Republic did unfortunately fall at the end of the 18th century (despite Blue's wishes).

Do the capital letters in you comment reference something, or is it just autocorrect?

@@samuelevans738 Neither, just a habit I have that is completely Harmless so I have no intent to even try to correct it. I've noticed I tend to Cap the words I try to emphasize though, but that's not an absolute rule.

Thing is, I don't think V uses the Guy Fawkes mask because he admires Fawkes. I think he uses it for symbolism. Despite not being the mastermind, he's the one who is most closely associated with the Gunpowder Plot. Has his own holiday and everything. So, with V using terror tactics, he wants to send the message of, “I’m going to blow you all the fuck up.”

No he’s a cornodoge.

Same. *

One of my favourite traditions

Are there smores?

@@samuelevans738 Not smores but we did serve hot dogs, burgers or toffee apples

Samuel Evans depends, it’s mostly just marshmallows minus the biscuits it’s sandwiched in.

Effigies of current political figures are an acceptable substitute for Guy Fawkes.

Words to live by

@@Ezosresiak that would be the tenants of the brotherhood, but these are still good tho

I mean 36 barrels of gunpowder is probably enough to kill everyone you ever met, so long as you can get them all in one place

@@arnieldraco5465 yeah, um.... my ex would likely survive the blast because that's the luck I've got

Because so long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead.

Second up to that would be a man apporaching you with an axe.

@@geranarthy2309 my guy you can anticipate how strong the dude with the axe is, with old ladies you have no idea how strong they are, but they are most certainly stronger than any mortal man.

Scotland: *angry shouting across Hadrians wall.*

Leif Erikson: Laugh it up guys, you're just lucky I found Christ.

Somewhere in China: Hey! We finally find People like us!

Germans: Let them come

@Klasoweit - Caesar builds yet another bridge-fort.

Better than "Suicide by stabbing because poison didn't work."

@@fictionfan0 I dunno. That's lowkey kinda savage.

Granny Weatherwax approves this message.

Seriously, grandma's would kill god as an _example_ of how to get rid of someone

Ah yes, the "feeling cute, might hire a mercenary to assassinate a political leader you didn't like" emotion

ck2. it's definitely ck2. you can both hire an assassin and *be* the assassin.

Not only is The Great British Boom-House a lovely name, it is also the only way I will ever refer to "The Great Baked Alaska Fiasco" of Season Five of the Great British Bake Off.

@@rodrikforrester6989 If it were CK2 he would have mentioned a lot more incest and zoroastrianism in this comment.

Total war games?

Was that pun inteded?

I actually don't see anything wrong with that. Sure, there is the suicide, but I don't support that.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.