Fearful Avoidant? Why You Sabotage Healthy Relationships & How to Stop!

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Are you somebody who's struggling to feel like you sabotage something that might have actually been good for you in a relationship? In this video, Thais Gibson explores the hot and cold dynamic of the fearful avoidant attachment style (disorganized attachment style). Watch now to learn about why some fearful avoidants may sabotage healthy relationships and ways to identify if you might be one of them, as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "Healthy and Passionate Relationships after Emotional Pain", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:58 - The Hot & Cold Partner
00:02:17 - The Role of the Subconscious Mind
00:03:54 - Subconscious Comfort Zones In Childhood
00:05:09 - Sympathetic vs Parasympathetic Nervous System
00:06:28 - What Are Your Stories About Safety?
00:08:48 - How Do You Behave Around People Who Make You Feel Emotionally Safe?
00:10:15 - How Do You Keep Your Subconscious Comfort Zone Alive?
00:12:51 - Habit To Create Change
00:13:10 - 14-Day Free Trial: Reprogramming Fearful Attachment Style Course
00:14:25 - Conclusion
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Discover What Your Attachment Style is and How It Could Be Holding Your Relationships Back … Take Quiz Here 👉bit.ly/attachment-quiz-youtube
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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.
I created the Personal Development School, an online learning platform that gives users the ability to create true and long-lasting change in their lives through personal development courses that are designed to give you a breakthrough in every area of your life, with a 99.7% satisfaction rate.
Our RU-vid videos give you a glimpse into this in-depth course content. Much of what you'll learn here is based on your attachment style and how that affects the relationships you have with your family, friendships, and of course, your romantic relationships.
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#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #FearfulAvoidant #FearfulAvoidantAttachment #FearfulAvoidantCourse #DisorganizedAttachment #DisorganizedAttachmentStyle #SelfSabotage #SabotageRelationship

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14 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 71

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 4 месяца назад

Please leave a comment on how you found the video and if it helped!

@calicomusic05 4 месяца назад

You inspired me to make my own copyright free music. You’re such an inspiration, thankyou 🔥

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 4 месяца назад

amazing! ❤❤❤ @@calicomusic05

@jessicamenchaca4970 4 месяца назад

You are a blessing ❤

@jacobbaradaeus6250 Месяц назад

I think there’s not enough said about how toxic relationships in early adulthood can turn someone into a fearful avoidant, in conjunction with the effects of a less than desirable childhood environment in which the parents may not have been drug addicts or alcoholics or violent or absent, but just distant or unloving.

@koala01111986 2 месяца назад

I had so much chaos outside and inside growing up that I just want peace and boring couple stuff like spending the evening at home watching a movie, just simple things...and if I want a bit of "chaos", I can go to a music festival.

@r_and_a 4 месяца назад

inability to trust enough for safety's the biggest one for me as it's so often been used against me & feels *far* more disruptive/harmful to have let your guard down when things eventually go wrong than if stayed vigilant

@estherh.1106 4 месяца назад

I love the adding of the slides! Supercool!

@SpunkyHomeSchoolBlog 4 месяца назад

You read my mail! I just said to my husband the other day that I am agitated and feel unchallenged. And if he isn’t careful I am likely to pick a fight just because I am bored. He looked at me with a combination of fear and surprise. He trends more dismissive avoidant. Not exactly his comfort language to hear me say it out loud. So my safety through conflict clashes with his conflict avoidant. lol But because I recognized it I found a different way to challenge myself and cure the boredom.

@SpunkyHomeSchoolBlog 4 месяца назад

Then this shows up and I listen to it. I am going to forward it to him. Lol.

@Lily-gs9iv 4 месяца назад

Sounds like chaos and not being content with peace.

@stryeyz 4 месяца назад

Similar here, I just told my counselor I think so how I self sabotage when I have too much to drink. My hubby is also DA.

@SpunkyHomeSchoolBlog 4 месяца назад

@@Lily-gs9iv Interesting way to phrase it "not being content with peace." I guess I would say I am content with vanilla but rocky road ice cream is far more compelling. Lol. So I am content in peace but without a mental or physical challenge to also be present in some way at some point. Eating vanilla eventually causes some agitation in me. Lol. It is what sparked my desire to run a marathon with all six of my kids but also my desire to start a fight with someone just for the "fun of it." The first is productive the second destructive.

@angelinegallivan 4 месяца назад

Safety through conflict resonated with me as a fearful avoidant 😮

@PhynixRosePNW 4 месяца назад

Omg the slides and typing the examples was really helpful for my comprehension 🙌🙌🙌❤❤❤

@justynalitwin-martinelli5687 4 месяца назад

VERY helpful video, as usual, thank you so much for your content and the courses are life chnaging ❤️

@nicolaschwim9293 3 месяца назад

Stunning video thank you!!!

@UmmAbdullah-dw2ss 4 месяца назад

Thank you Thais. I’m gaining so much benefit from your knowledge. Your exercises set you apart from all the other content out there on this topic x

@jdee9844 4 месяца назад

I believe my ex bf of 9 months sabotaged our relationship. He monkey-branched back to his ex (no transparency/communication, or issues raised) He had started distancing over several months, stating stress and work. I sensed something was off, but trusted him. Caught him with her and I immediately went NC. Looking back, maybe he got triggered. had asked whether we were on the same page; to which he replied yes. His distancing followed shortly afterwards. We’ve crossed path socially a few times. Cordial, but awkward. Such a hurtful experience.

@Darima2 4 месяца назад

ALWAYS trust that intuition. I have realized I've ignored my intuition and let my brain make a decision too many times, only to find out my intuition was right. It's a gift and we should honour it.

@careitina1412 4 месяца назад

Same happened to me.Dating almost 1.5 years,starting distancing several months before I found out he was with someone else.And that cycle happened twice! I just didn't have in my life someone that I would love THAT much ,and would never imagine my life without them. I hoped I would at least manage to keep in touch in any form,I tried 999 ways to never loose him,but it took a toll on my mental health. I understood there is no way around it than just move on. I've never had a very big problem moving on from break ups,but this case..it's something else! This time I am forced to learn this new lesson. I am not sure yet if I will EVER be 100% done with him on a emotional level.

@jdee9844 4 месяца назад

So true. My intuition was right. However there was no communication, or transparency on his parr. Never mentioned an ex and I have no knowledge of their history, or rekindling. I could of been his rebound too, but regardless it stings!

@SS-in1ts 4 месяца назад

Same

@koala01111986 2 месяца назад

My ex or whatever he is right now, unhealed and badly FA, started testing/sabotaging our relationship many times since it was too good to be true (I thought the same as an FA too) and I kept being patient and reassuring and eventually went down the path and left, saying he was only making me sufferring...the month before he was saying a lot how much he cared for me 😢😢

@lpgirl 4 месяца назад

This is totally relatable, Thais. I've just always thought I was crazy. Thank you for this video.

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 4 месяца назад

you're welcome :)

@Darima2 4 месяца назад

Thank you so much for this 🙏🏻. I took a test since I couldn't quite figure out what I was. Turns out I'm very close to the center point for avoidance and anxiety but at the tip of the Fearful Avoidant quadrant. I also feel I have signs of secure attachment but only with secure or mildly insecure people. I'm triggered and affected by insecure behaviour when it's overtly avoidant or anxious, both of them are draining for me to deal with. It's almost like they infect me or drag me down with them since I'm highly sensitive to energy and behaviour. It explains why over the past 5 years, I've progressively distanced from those types of people because I realized I always felt bad or drained dealing with them. And I didn't even yet know about attachment style. I just know the difference when I'm around secure, positive people, it brings out my natural state, whereas very insecure people cause me to be anxious, and then avoidant. Its allowed me to get back to my true self and start healing. I'll definitely be doing the exercises, thank you!

@djenning90 4 месяца назад

I identified strongly with the portrayal of the FA here, and found the thought challenges enlightening.

@abrahamtorres3746 4 месяца назад

Great video! definitely helped me pinpoint whats my story, and whats keeping it alive. i would love for a future video some tips on how to become a better dater like some strategies to set boundaries early in the relationship, or how to properly vet someone things of that nature. :)

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 4 месяца назад

❤

@Truckguy1970 4 месяца назад

I've been really patient and doing everything to not make my FA person's anxiety worse and it seems like it's a lost cause. We had a little spat in mid december and we didn't talk for a week and a half. I reached out on Christmas and we started talking again but not very much since then. It seems like the more space I give her and the more I check in every few days saying "I'm here if you want to talk" the more distant and further away she keeps getting.

@GeoffreyAngapa 4 месяца назад

I can relate. The space seemed to cause more distance.

@josh_up 4 месяца назад

Try saying next time that 'I noticed things are being different between us since a while, and I'm sorry if I did hurt you in any way unintentionally. I might not know what the exact reason is unless I am informed to make anything better. Just know that I do care for you and take your time to feel better! Wait for her response to see if she opens up later slowly or nope, do apologize again and then if nothing changes find activities so you may not think about it much. Maybe it's not the right time yet that your FA doesn't feel like accepting you currently. And if your mental health is getting bad, prioritise yourself and create boundaries that could help you feel better. Good luck!

@ZOMB13HUN13R 2 месяца назад

I had no idea she was an avoidant until I did the research. Pretty sad. The best connection I ever had.

@FraggMental1 Месяц назад

i feel you bro, happened to me to a few months ago.. still in no contact, still can't believe it...

@jiafei6833122 Месяц назад

@@FraggMental1 Tell me about it. Should've taken a hint when i was told that she's gonna take a long time to open up and she's scared of physical intimacy. Now that i think about it she is scared of intimacy period. The hot and cold. So confusing. Glad she didn't lead me on and told me she's not in a good place to date anyone a few days ago.

@EdHayes3 4 месяца назад

I love you. And I love your content. But please Left justify the bullets/numbered lists/paragraphs. Much easier to read when it's left justified. Thank you!

@posttenebras2812 3 месяца назад

This is scary, it's like she has researched my past and been watching me from a distance for the last 50 years. Anyone know if Thais looked the same in 1970? Any B&W photos?

@jenaskye1567 4 месяца назад

After 10 yrs and 4 yrs married I found out my fa husband was having a limerence affair when I was 3 months pregnant with our second child. 19 months now- he acts like a totally diffrent person like an alien has taken over his brain. No logic- he treats me like I'm dirt and like I donr exist. I'm so confused hesnit like the man I knew at all. 😞 I was AA but I have worked very hard on myself to become secure. So when I feel the anxiety rising in me I don't go off on him I just stay very calm and strong. Our interactions are very limited. Advise? And thank you I love this video & your work!

@LJ-kn7oe 4 месяца назад

Are you still together?

@mandymakhumalo4568 4 месяца назад

therapy?

@jenaskye1567 4 месяца назад

@mandymakhumalo4568 we tried but he stopped going

@jenaskye1567 4 месяца назад

@LJ-kn7oe we are seperated... we are attending the marriage helper online workshop this upcoming weekend. I'm hoping it will turn things around for us and our family. We have a 10 month old and a 2 yr old. I'm fighting to save our family

@LJ-kn7oe 4 месяца назад

@@jenaskye1567 sorry for your difficult situation. Does he want to save the marriage? I was just curious because I am FA & this situation doesn’t resonate with me. What about him makes you think his behavior is due to his attachment style?

@Lily-gs9iv 4 месяца назад

Thais, I’ve come to a realization that I will single for the rest of my life. I’m not content with this.

@emilyb5557 4 месяца назад

Why? Have you done the learning and work in PDS on yourselves to get better? You'll find plenty of people moving forward in the community.

@SunshineAndSnowflakes 4 месяца назад

I feelnthe same way and I'm IN PDS. The thing is, I'm more comfortable being by myself. I have a great circle of friends, a loving supportive family, two amazing kids and I'm an entrepreneur and business owner. I feel fulfilled. I do love to love. I've just had too many experiences of people switching up on me to be willing to dive back into the dating pool. It's exhausting. Honestly, I don't think it's the worst thing in the world having a single life. I enjoy it. I do however agree with the commenter above who suggested joining PDS to heal your attachment style. It's the best thing I ever did for myself. I feel like once our nervous systems are more regulated and we become more secure, we make better choices for ourselves including who we choose to date. ❤

@heirapparent1996 4 месяца назад

Same, I'm feeling like the most unlovable and undesirable person and I try to better myself with all this self love bullshit but it can't substitute out natural need to be held and loved... Honestly at this point I strongly believe the world would be better without me. I'm just a girl. I totally get it :( will never be in love again as most dudes I date are DAs who love me one min and ignore me the next. I'm just not good enough of a girl to be with I think.

@eleniusxx 2 месяца назад

@@heirapparent1996 Why do you think you are unlovable? Sorry, but that just simply cannot be. Out of 8 billion people in this world, of which however many men there are, there are so many men who would love you to death. You just happened to meet the wrong (unhealed) ones. Because you, yourself are unhealed and only know how to recreate your childhood trauma through them. That is not your fault, you didn't choose your parents. But what you CAN (thankfully, and with sooo many available resources, both in person and online) choose is to heal and FINALLY get attracted to the ones who can give you the love that you deserve. There is only one of you and you are valuable!!

@MusicKnowte 4 месяца назад

this read me to FILTH

@kagame6524 4 месяца назад

How can one screen FAs early on and avoid dating them?

@salvomig2368 4 месяца назад

I’m not a fan of interviewing anyone by asking questions. I try to keep it real and just learn more about the person through what they say and their actions. First, know your own attachment style. If you’re anxious, you’ll be draw to avoidants and vice versa. If you’re secure, then you’ll see the red flags early. They’ll be hesitant to meet up. They typically aren’t in long relationships, lasting longer than 6-9 months. Love bombing early. Signs are all there. Ultimately, have fun and when you start to see yourself chasing them, pause, and ask yourself why you’re doing so. Good luck

@kagame6524 4 месяца назад

@@salvomig2368 thanks, also don't want to interview my dates but have fun, but after 6 months, i'm starting to sense some distance. Luckily, i'm no longer attracted to the chase. Planning to have an honest conversation next times we meet and judge for compatibility

@mr.soundguy968 4 месяца назад

If a relationship is healthy, then how can it be sabotaged? Can't a relationship only be sabotaged if it wasn't healthy to begin with?

@SpunkyHomeSchoolBlog 4 месяца назад

From personal experience, I have had healthy friendships in the past that I have sabotaged because of the story in my head. Stories like "If I invest they will betray me like everyone else does." "if I show up for them, they won't show up for me." "if I am vulnerable and share something deeper, they will use it against me." And then I would do something that would put increasing distance between me and the other person.

@SunshineAndSnowflakes 4 месяца назад

Not necessarily. I've only had ONE healthy relationship, but I wouldn't let myself be emotionally available. He was amazing. Like perfect and if we dated now I would welcome it. I was so unhealed before that my emotional unavailability sabotaged it. When we're unhealed, we can sabotage ANY type of relationship.

@disorder_go 4 месяца назад

My ex said things were 'better than ever' and that she 'loved our little family' 3 weeks before asking for space one day and never talking to me again. A Healthy relationship sabotaged out of nowhere and for no real reason that I can thing of.

@aaronsinspirationdaily4896 4 месяца назад

That was my experience until I was with someone that claimed to be an FA. Lying, omission, gaslighting, avoidance, silent treatment, false narratives, DARVO, push-pull… ugh it was emotionally exhausting. Never just “calmed down” into the relationship.

@526colin 4 месяца назад

FA's often sabotage the relationship because it's healthy, and that feels foreign/unsafe to them because of chaotic family dynamics and traumas in childhood which programmed their subconscious NS. My ex-FA and I had a perfect relationship going and it was totally healthy, then she sabotaged it in the worst way possible out of nowhere. Her childhood and family life were about as screwed up as one could imagine, where mine was the complete opposite. In the aftermath of what she did to sabotage us, she repeatedly would say 'we were just raised so differently'. I had no knowledge of attachment styles during all of this, but learning about it since she blew things up has made things make so much more sense.