WATCH NEXT: In Season 4 of Can Ask Meh?, we spoke to married couples to find out the joys and struggles of marriage. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-1j3SPeUV0KI.html
I know im asking the wrong place but does anyone know of a way to log back into an Instagram account? I was dumb lost my password. I love any assistance you can give me
@Dylan Ryan Thanks so much for your reply. I found the site through google and I'm trying it out atm. I see it takes quite some time so I will reply here later when my account password hopefully is recovered.
They might be childhood friends. That happens alot in old arranged marriage since parents want to partner they're child to a family they're close with.
Honestly attitude is everything. These people didn't go into marriage expecting to always feel the warm fluttery feeling of infatuation, they went in intending to always make the choice every day to care for each other. And so their marriages worked.
That's the mind set I remind myself to be in for when I get into a romantic relationship/marriage. I we can like each other but are we compatible? Will we take care of each other? And can we trust each other?
Laughed alongside the Chinese lady when she said she hasn't received a blade of grass in 40 years. Her husband may not be affectionate in ways society glamorizes but she's patient and kind enough to accept him as he is.
This video is so important to clarify that arranged marriages aren't the same as forced marriages. Its like matchmaking - you have to really trust those who recommended the partner to you. These couples are so cute!
That is because they brought people who fell in love; where are those who did not? Oh wait those are forced marriages which will shutter the illusion here.
Deus Ex Machina imo it’s easy to fall in love with anyone really,, As long as you don’t feel forced to do it & you accept them the way they are, you’ll eventually find everything abt them their precious to you,, These people gave their consent to their marriage so they weren’t forced into it & they never expected anything grand from one another,, All they know is that they should always care for one another and their dynamics just worked bc of that
Deus Ex Machina no the ones that didn’t work divorced. All these people had the CHOICE to stay or go and they CHOSE to stay. It’s arranged because they didn’t go out find this person and say - “Hey I wanna marry him!” but they had the CHOICE to say no.
@@kadejamckinzie3 still this is very much one-sided as only those who are happy are interviewed. what is the ratio of divorce to happy couples in arranged marriages? there are couples who cannot divorce due to tradition, pressures or responsibilities. traditional relationships are tricky as it is so excuse me if I do not buy into this.
It is a culture matter ... Chinesse don't praise too much their children neither, nor brag about themselves . She is clearly into him and he is into her no matter what .
I love how the chinese couple keeps on using "we" instead of an "I" when answering question. It feels like they're naturally soulmate despite the question asking individual answer.
Really? I suppose...but she talks like someone is holding a gun to her head and she looks scared and miserable. She can't stop fidgeting with her hands. I've never seen a woman her age act so timidly. Perhaps her husband was kind to her, but it seems like whoever lives with her now is probably not. I was too afraid to say anything, because it really does seem like someone abuses her. I don't want them reading the comment section and getting triggered by it.
Definitely not the best advice ever -_- ....Sometimes no matter how much you change, it's never going to work. Following that advice kept me in a relationship with someone who was cruel to me for quite some time. I kept telling myself that "it takes two to tango" and "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change" - advice like that. I'm not saying it isn't good advice sometimes, but simply being determined to make things work, and accepting responsibility for everything under the sun because you have high expectations for yourself, but not others, is not going to work for you if you get snatched up by someone who is controlling and wants to use your morality against you. Be careful who you date. A bad person can have a terrible affect on not only your self-esteem, but on your physical health. Luckily, I got out of my relationship much more quickly than some women. Other women I've talked to have serious health issues as a result of chronic stress and depression, and they can't get their health back. Here's the lesson I've learned. Always take responsibility for yourself, and seek to change and grow. Be a good person, trust in others, and be honest. But give the other guy three serious strikes. If someone repeatedly proves to you that they don't deserve your compassion, support, and your willingness to change for the sake of the relationship, and if they don't demonstrate the same in return, then you need to be very firm with yourself and leave. No excuses. No looking back. No "I just need to try harder" or "I just need to wait this out because once x happens we'll be happy". There's a lot of canned advice like that which ended up not working for me in the long run. There's some truth to all of it, but insofar as I've seen, none of it is universal.
@@AK-jt7kh the same happened to me but not in that extreme level. Some things just don't work. And trying to change yourself to make it work sometimes just hurts you and even the other person
the purple hijab auntie is so wise and i start crying when she talks about how marriage back then was full of love and patience. may Allah grant your husband a beautiful jannah auntie, and may you meet him in jannah with your beloved family :')
When I saw that the age difference between the Muslim woman and her late husband was 20 years I prejudiced and I regret that because her relationship was truly beautiful.
My grandmother on my mum's side is 18 years younger than my grandfather. Their relationship is so beautiful and he has so much respect for her. I thought huge age gaps were unacceptable until I learned about theirs and I'm glad now that i have good example in my life.
Naimah Khan As long as one side isn't underaged, is should be fine. Two people can still love each other if they are many years apart, they just happened to be born in a different year is all.
Chinese Uncle lets her do most of the talking, but when he speaks he's worth listening to. I know so many older men like that. Okay, so they're not into all the hugs and kisses, they don't spend money on flowers that will wilt and die in a few days, but they might do things like go halfway across town to get the first good strawberries or whatever that he knows she really enjoys. I bet he quietly worked his heart out for her and the kids, without saying a word about it.
The Malay woman is do right. Do not tell other people of the problems y'all have going on. That is between the two of you only. If you go ranting and talking badly of your spouse, your family will do the same and when the problem is resolved, no matter what good your spouse does, they will only be evil continually in the eyes of others
I mostly agree but sometimes keeping things in and dealing with anger and frustration on one's own is quite harmful as well. So if the partner refuses to listen it can be healthier for the person that is frustrated to let it out. It is probably better to talk to someone unrelated (for examples on free hotlines related to mental health and understanding) to simply vent though.
Shanaya Sarun yes that too 😂😂😂 but this one, his mother needs to take responsibility. mothers who have sons - please teach your boys that they are equally responsible for house chores and they marry to have a life partner, not servant 😂😂😂
@Hasiger Hase for the time it was enough for her and for him and they were happy and had love for eachother the woman even addressed the changes through these years she was sweet
Ohhh when the chinese couple posed and looked at each other ... thats full of love!!! when the indian couple posed and got kinda shy... thats amazing after years of marriage still shy.. love is one of best thing in the world to hav. Wishing everyone love and to be loved back!
This is so sweet. I realized how generation has changes people.. the standards they have for other are sometimes unbelieable. They were able to tolerate each other because they knew patient is one of the traits they should have.. to be able to accept the partner and continue to love.. is just lovely
Anggie Aveneina Anggie Aveneina Tbh, I kind of understand why it is like that now. We've become a workaholic-culture who strives after more and more money, (therefore we work more and more hours and don't have much free time to date) so we can be stable and secure in our lifes later on (bec old people can't work). Also I feel like men and women have been divided and everything feels like we need to "one up" each other. Also people don't want longlasting relationships anymore bec = more stress and = more responsibility. I mean if I looked at it it from my perspective, I didn't want to "date" or even worse "marry" someone, bec I don't really feel secure in my own emotional lvl yet, or better worded; I don't feel like a real "grown up" yet. I don't know if I want to take the risk and date someone. I feel so overwhelmed by everything and I can't be the only one feeling like that. Also a lot people are scared of the opposite gender, either they are being "scary men who could do bad stuff" or "bad women who are gold diggers, who want to falsly accuse everyone". This world is scary and people are being more afraid of news and just everything. Everyone dislikes each other, but "flexes" at the same time bec of their new possessions. Also I feel like the new generation (the "new adults", starting at 18) are being pushed so hard, that literally all of them have that "melancholic blues" that they feel like giving up any moment (I saw a small comment section where literally 10 people were like "did you guys feel like after 2013 everything is turning more and more downwards?"). I don't even know anymore and maybe I'm being scared a lot, but god dear I hope some understands what I mean and I don't sound like a maniac.
All still deeply in love after all these years. Especially the uncles... One says what will I not do for her, one says next life I still want her to be my wife. Wah.
The Indian clearly loves his wife but he has very high expectations of love. His idea of love may not be what we think it is, so he said he's not sure if he loves her. I'm glad his wife is so understanding and said, yes he loves me lol. They are so cute, like best friends.
LOL he was a very playful man! he said it is easy to say you love someone but it is better to actually SHOW you love someone, personally i am hoping to have relationship like theres! lots of laughs and teasing between one another haha
He said that he doesn't know as a joke, like 'well duh!' kind of thing. He was joking throughout an entire video, for example when he said 'I am stuck with her'. He is just playful spirit. Despite what his mouth said it's basically engraved on his forehead how much he loves her.
The Muslim lady is a strong woman. She tries as hard as possible to hold her tears and speak carefully about her husband. She understands that women will always need men just as much as men need women. It's a collaboration not a fight.
13:45 something about his smile makes me so happy. You can tell that they're not the most conventional romantic couple yet that smile conveys all the happiness in the world. I wish nothing but more of that happiness for them in the future.
I love how your content explores topics considered to be sensitive in a respectful and educative manner. You guys deserve more recognition for your work!
Sometimes I think that "i can do better" western mentality harms us as we're all constantly telling ourselves we should "do better" in everything and that's holding us back from reaching true contentment with ourselves and live happy as we are, that being money, love and health. I really liked this video because these couples had made the best out of their circumstances and they truly love one another, they made lemonade out of their lemons.
This is so true! Alot of us fall into this mindset that wasnt around back then, ignoring feelings to feel independant and superior. We need to rediscover the true meaning of love as a generation and normalise patience and kindness instead of displaying our ability to be with the "richest or most successful" person
the aunty in hijab reminds me of my own aunty in Malaysia. everything she said made me tear up esp when she said she didn't need photo's to remember her husband, but just seeing the family together.
Love for God teaches us to love a human the right way. And she somehow met the love of her life and even in death. May God give her more blessings. She's too loyal :')
Faris Johari right?! I don’t understand why everyone is romanticizing it in the comments and missing out of the fact this was not free choice . In just ended up in love and happy but most of the time it doesn’t so we should not give people hope that they will be as happy as them , man and women should have free choice... why they not talk about that? It’s brushed over..
@@IOPE_ ugh seriously! Wait till these people end up in a crappy marriage they can't get out of. That is if they even have a choice in the first place, so many don't.
@@IOPE_ arranged marriages are not the same as forced marriages. Your Parents found some nice Person introduce him/her to you and you can decide if you'll say yes or no....to it is a free choice.
The indian couple seems like they have a fun marriage and i cant stop smiling watching them look so deeply in love even after all these years. They are goals!
Me, a Indian , had a Chinese partner and he was the exact to the Chinese Uncle. He leaves his plates after eating..my pet peves.. And i nag and nag..he can win me with silence😂. I still remember how upset was i with him and we still had breakfast silently together.
My parents definitely had a tough time as an interacial couple. My mum is Indian and my dad is Russian. I am born in England, so I hope to not offend anyone by saying this, but I was always surprised that my Russian family was so much more accepting of their relationship than my Indian side. Still, my mum got spat on once.
@@llt6977 I'm a black person that lives in Russia and they do spit alot at me, I feel for your mother! They act like they don't care but behind your back they will say the most horrific things ever!! I hope all is well with your mother! 🙏
@@yoonginavy4967 Thank you! My mum has learnt to deal with lots over the years. I actually participate much more in Russian culture and visit every year, yet because I'm mixed-race I obviously look different and it's frustrating to be treated as inferior or to be automatically assumed to be more Asian because of my appearance (I actually ended up looking Filipina!). Best of luck in Russia, hope all is well :).
Wah the malay couple looked so good!! The late encik ismail had a tough guy look to him but from his wife’s words guess it was only a front lol. Such a great video WHOLESOME AS HELL!
In a tedtalk I watched today in India 70% of divorce comes from love marriages rather than arranged marriages. I think the problem is that we place our happiness in the other person and it's not about partnership anymore. It's not a person you're walking through life together with but a person responsible for your happiness and that can be very detrimental.
the malay woman is adorable. i want to hug her the asian lady seemed a bit hard about her husband at times, but way she looked at him in the photo at the end, *pure love*. and he'd marry her again in the next life??? perfectlygorgeous!
My elderly piano teacher, a divorcee, recently told me "there's something to be said for the way it used to be done; people married for good and practical reasons, and very often their marriages lasted better than those who married for love." It made me stop and think
During those times people who married for good and practical reasons was when the age expectancy was 50 and divorce was frowned upon so how do you know those marriages were happy to begin with?
@@adela3153 life expectancy was not 50. Most ppl lived into their 70s or more But because people take into account infant mortality that bring the average life expectancy down
As a young person, I feel like young people have more trouble in their relationships now because they expect too much of their partners. They believe in trying to change them or control them, and in some cases are looking to just create a carbon copy of themselves. I feel that we should choose to accept a person as they are if we truly love them. Obviously no one should stay in an abusive relationship, but you must go into a regular relationship with the intention of trying to make it work.
Arranged marriage isn't too different than online dating, the only difference is your family helps you look at different profiles. I met my fiancee from an internet match making site,we did the photo exchange, and met with the intent of marriage. We just didn't have family pick out the profile.
Loved this. I think the idea stated that marriage should be a man's ultimate goal, that he'll have a more perfect life with a wife and family is NOT a popular thought for young men anymore.
@@majarimennamazerinth5753 idk i want to think so but i find that most men nowadays and from what ive even see online seems to view marriage and family as oh shes going to divorce him and take his "hard earned" money..... :( sad thought
Same mine got an arranged marriage as well and saw each other for the first time when they went to sign the Marriage Papers. They fell in Love and still love each other. And it was war at that time so they escaped together which is their love story 😂😅
These men are wonderful husbands. Talking about mutual respect and being there for their wives. So far, my husband and I show the same respect and love each other like best friends do. But I fight hard to avoid the tendency to behave the way my parents do with each other. Disrespectful and cruel to one another. I wish after all these years, they would be able to treat each other like these couples do. They seem like really wonderful people. I wish them all the happiness!
I love this, the main take away for me is that there are many ways to express love and affection in a relationship. And a happy marriage can mean many things for many different people but mutual respect and communication seem to be a consistent foundation.
this is amazing.... how they all carry each other and the way they talk about each other warm my heart... when the Indian guy said the word love is toss around everywhere like I love this and I love that and then he told his meaning of love.....I felt that shit lol
I think I understand why arranged marriages have a good reputation: because both the personal relationship and formal commitment start approximately at the same time. You get to know your spouse without the baggage of a shared past or the anxiety of whether marriage will result. So in a secure state such as this, you don't project as much judgment, worry, or distrust onto the other person.
Sometimes, its not about how well u know each other BEFORE marriage or relationship, its about how much EFFORT they are willing to put to start to get to know each other/know each other better... Some couples who lived together before marriage thinking that they would surely know each other 100% that way but NO turns out some divorced too! (Bc they realised that the other party is not the same person they thought they knew before marriage...).... Also why best friends of opposite genders dont date each other Nothing is 100% sureproof
100% true man. If you marry someone you just started knowing/seeing in The Start of you marriage the two partners will fall in love with each other a lot. Makes marriage last longer. Bc if you marry someone you've already slept with,fallen really in love with...will there be a big difference if you get married? Not really. Marriage is a gift and we should treat it like something special and important not only about the Taxes and Status
Yea i agree with you.. and also how much honesty there was before marriage 😉 Sometimes some people keep it all in just for a ring and then unleash a whole new side after the deal is done ~ + bf/gf problems are sooo different compared to marriage problems as there are different roles to play and different set of expectations, not only from partner but partners family and extended side. 🤯
Even my marriage was arranged and I really liked this video. When I was young I never believed in arranged marriage. But as I grew older I learnt to be more open and less rigid. Then I realized that my parents would definitely want the best for me so that was how I considered arranged marriage.
Match making is an aged old practice that influential families still use. It’s a joke how people have made a business out of that. Consider yourself fortunate
Hi, I'm quite curious after reading your comment and would love to learn more about your arranged marriage. So, I'm trying to find individuals who are from arranged marriages and get some insights. Would you be okay answering my questions and is there anyway I could contact you?
Oooh this is such a good point! Same, when I was younger (I grew up in the US) I always thought that arranged marriages were oppressive, regressive, and backwards...I thought that the only "open-minded" belief was to promote self-chosen marriages while bashing arranged marriages, even though I didn't even understand what arranged marriages were. (I thought they were all coercive, when in fact most are just family recommendations!) I'm also glad I'm gradually unlearning my Western prejudice and actually understanding what I've always been taught to see as "oppressive."
I saw many arranged marriage tend to be made to connect family with similar life styles or practice, if not just better reputation and/or financial wise or is known to have practice that generally generates success in said co-relation. Many I met tend to have little time to find someone themselves, near end of time clock or trust their parents to try to find someone who would prioritize and take care of them especially when they are gone.
Aiyo ... the couples are so cute lah 👍👍❤️ ... also the Indian Uncle drop some truth bombs ... can really feel the “love” (sorry Uncle if you see this did not mean to use the word so casually 😉 haha)
See how chilled they are reminiscing. My generation simply lose their heads over trivial issues. There’s more compromise and less infighting tbh but hey no marriage is perfect and these people have made efforts.
@@IOPE_ since it's arranged and not forced, one has a say. you make the decision and thus you are responsible. It's just that in cases of arranged marriages the blame is shared because the family approved of it as well. So it's not "Mom Dad I am doomed because of your choices", instead it is " we all made a mistake by choosing him"
so lovely to hear from the older generation. thanks OGS. they are the ones keeping our heritage alive. especially the ones at our local shops and hawker stalls.
Honestly...the indian couple is such a great marriage mood! How they friendly tease and bicker is true partnership Goals. I'm with my husband for ten years now ( not arranged), and we both think that an arranged marriage does not neccessarily has to be worse than chosing your partner yourself. Love and a Happy marriage allways need work and efford to be good and if two ppl in an arranged marriage chose to respect and understand each other and want the other to be Happy, i think that what we call love will grow then. Just never force ppl into a marriage they both,or one of them doesn't want. Marriage and to consume it should be consentual. In conclusion: to grow true Love you have to put efford and respect into a relationship. It doesn't matter that much if "butterflys" were the reason for the marriage or Help and the wish to not be alone any more. You can have a horrible marriage with self-chosen partner. You can have a great and loving one with an arranged marriage. If your partner is a good, righteous, caring human, your chances for happiness are good either way.
This muslim lady is so precious and so full of love! I would love to have her as my grandma or just mentor, I feel like she could teach me how to have a good life. Bless her!
My great grandmother's marriage was not so much arranged, as it was forced. He snuck into her room at night and laid next to her (without her knowing). Her parents found him in her room, thought they had sex, and forced her to marry him. They eventually fell in love, but I can't forget how creepy that was.
I had tears in my eyes as I was watching this. Wow their attitudes are so beautiful for an arranged marriage! I learned a lot and if I can only have half of the attitude and wisdom they have, my marriage would be much better. My husband's parents are Nigerian and their marriage was arranged. They've been married 50+ years. My parents didn't have an arranged marriage and they were married until my father died but the attitude was different. What the couples asked for in their marriage was very simple and very important in a relationship. I'm black American and my husband is Nigerian and we're nowhere close. :) I LOVED THIS SEGMENT. I took a lot from this. Thanks for posting!!!
This just makes me think that our generation is screwed up...! We marry for love and invest years of dating different people and also once we are in a relationship before even thinking about marriage to end up arguing and unhappy and with the highest divorce rate in history... and we call that being free to love 🤷♀️ Just saying.... something is missing. Love without that kind of commitment and perseverance doesn’t last.
This judgement is so superficial. I see a lot of old people staying in their marriages because it was their duty and because they gotta make it work. It's true that our generation is usually superficial, but we are just as superficial as the generation beging us.
8:16 The Indian couple is wearing each others colors!!!!! Wife gray slacks black shirt, hubby black slacks gray shirt! That's the cutest thing I've ever seen.
Some "arranged" marriages do work out, although a lot are awful. Friends of mine had an arranged marriage; they hated each other for the first two years and then gradually started to bond. Today they are very happy, and as she has developed serious health problems, he takes very good care of her. The care that comes with love and devotion.