Forgiving the unforgivable: Colleen Haggerty at TEDxBellingham 

ILISAPECI VULIMAISAWANI Maya Angelou

No really? Like that's never been mentioned before.

Exactly… what if a person hurt you deliberately?

That is what I am wondering. Because there are people who do not feel sorry at all when they hurt someone. They search for reasons why the other person is responsible. But I am glad that she got the better experience.

That's what I'm trying to forgive. Its hard when you know they never cared

This was my exact reaction.

''It's an awful feeling to know someone has set fire to your life and walked away without a singe.'' Tell me about it . . . .

Good point. To be honest because I have narcisssits sociopaths in my life as parents it made me wonder if that story of his was a manipulation tactic even. But I am glad she was able to get herself to a place of peace. I am working on that for myself now. Healing from 3 decades of narcissistic abuse. I am working on forgiving people who have no remorse.

@Joseph Marton I hate it when people use this argument against God because bad things happen so we can strengthen our faith and appreciate the good things that do happen. Think about it if there was no bad in the world there would also be no good because how could you have the good without the bad. For example if you ace every test you get you would lose that satisfaction quickly, but if you fail a test and ace the next one it will be so satisfying.

@@kurosu6518 How about just believe whatever you want to and let others be. Why do you need other people to believe in your god?

@@madpoetsociety2917 I'm just trying to defend my beliefe, it's not like I was telling them to believe in God just clarifying some stuff

Self forgiveness is very difficult

That is the best explanation I have heard yet. Thank you!

NoirRaven I agree with this. I feel / felt the need to confront the women who hurt me and my family. I was able to in some degree which I have found helpful.

NoirRaven: You wrote it so well. You explained what so many of us feel or have felt in our lives due to others torture or cruelty towards us. Being able to speak to the person or persons who caused us the damage would seem to be helpful but as you wrote most abusers don't even care what they've done nor do they think their behaviour was unwarranted. That's that hard part isn't it. They don't care. If my tormentors apologised I would find it easier to move forwards but I know they never will and so I have to search inside myself and find forgiveness towards myself and then forgiveness towards them. I think of it like 'We can't forgive others unless we forgive ourselves first'....a bit like the love expression 'you can't love someone else unless you love yourself first' that kind of analogy. Well I hope you're doing better and ultimately forgiveness comes from forgiving ourselves (I think). Just keep strong and keep going.

@@DunhillX1 i used to be a bully and i was so regret of my actions which could have pushed a person to death. I suffered from depression,mental disorder and it effected all of my relationship. It took me so much courage just to meet the victim to apologize to them. Before that,it was so hard that i almost commit suicide, but finally i can forgive myself. I think it was extremely hard for both side to come up with their pain, talk about it and decide to let it go. Some bad person might find out what they have done to their victim but it's so hard to overcome regret,fear,sometimes you might even come to self hatred,blame yourself again and again,depression,so they usually deny their mistakes. Its just hard for both side

Daphne Dedrick I love you :)

Forgive yourself 💛 you can do it... I lost my 1st love in 2014 and it has been a difficult journey for me to forgive myself but slowly and surely I’m doing it and moving past pain and fear ... slowly I’m moving towards love ❤️

Kiera, I challenge your statement, "I don't know, I don't get it". I think you get it on a very profound level, seems like you know it in your soul. Beautiful!

Kiera Gardner I wish I was strong like you to forgive. My pride and ego are too big.

Kiera Gardner, someone deliberately abused you. You were their victim. You had no fault in it. I hope you fully heal from it . Forgiveness frees you, it does not free the other person. Nor does forgiveness mean you totally forget. Forgiveness frees you from that person and what they did to you. The lessons that you learned from that horrible experience are now tools you will have for the rest of your life. Bless you.

There is a saying among people I am close to - "When we accept someone's apology, it is a gift we give to them. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves." I think Kiera gets it just fine!!!

Most people don't realize forgiving someone you get the pieces of your soul back that they stole. As you release them through forgiveness the abusive pieces of their spirit leave you and all the tormented raw memories that cripple you are gone. You are then free to be yourself not a reflection of their will superimposed into yours.

detached and forgivesness is the same thing?

Please make a storytime about what happened

Susan Conrad @

I will pray for you, i hope you are doing better.

FreedomOfSpeech, I have just read your post. I am sorry about your experience whilst helping out a friend. I pray that you realise that your intentions were good and honourable. What happened could have happened to your friend or anyone else. I am shocked that your friend seems to be an ungrateful person. You stepped in to help and an accident happened. Please move on with your life and block her if she does not value your well intended help.

What happened was tragic. This does not make you a bad person. There was no malicious intent on your part. In fact, you're intent was to do your friend a kind service. Additionally, you having remorse demonstrates you are a good person. As far as leaving the dog food on the floor, I do that all the time and I have 4 dogs. Never has been an issue. What happened was a freak accident. If your friend cannot realize that, then there is not much you can do. Sounds like she needs to vent anger towards you as a way of coping with her grief and loss. However, as the mystic Sufi's say "This too will pass".

@@mangoyacho thank you so much for your kind words. One year has gone by since the tragic accident and many other things have happened in that period of time pushing it to the back of my mind. She eventually phoned to say she had forgiven me ... her dog was a very old dog with a broken leg when she left it here. It was lying on a cushion next to my bed. Who would have thought that it would have got up and dragged itself to the kitchen and pulled down a bag of dog biscuits and stuck its head in it unable to get back out again due to the broken leg. It was unthinkable that such a tragedy could happen. Thanks, it is lovely to see such caring people on internet. God bless.

@@waynemcleod6767 Thank you so much Wayne for your kind words. It has passed and I feel much better now but for a month or so I couldn't eat, sleep or concentrate. It haunted me night and day. The friend forgave me after a while and many other things have happened since to push it to the back of my mind. It was a tragic accident. Even the vet said that it is one of those accidents such as a mother turning for a second to grab a towel while her baby is in the bath and the baby drowning. Thanks so much for taking the time to write. God bless, it is great to see such caring people in the world.

❤

jasminemists I think a lot of the time we are looking for someone to apologize because.. well it's the right thing to do. It may or may not be the thing that makes us feel hurt. For many years I was living with anger, and I never understood why I felt that way. It effected ALL of my relationships, most of all my relationship with my family. I was so hard to be around and I didn't know it was because a person had hurt me a long time ago. Once I knew this, I was even angrier with the same person I feared for a long time. Things started to change once I knew the root of most of my feelings. But the most changed last year, when I finally forgave a man that never apologized for something he should have never done. "when we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don't go away; instead they own us, they define us. Our job isn't to deny the story, but to defy the ending-to rise, recognize our story and rumble with the truth'you get to chose how YOU want to continue. the emotions YOU want to have. and the future YOU want to live. Don't allow people the right to take control of your life because they might have never been taught the love in apologizing. Say, out loud "I forgive you, even if you didn't ask for my forgiveness. I forgive you because I forgive myself. Because I love myself enough to do so" I encourage you to not allow someone to have control of your life, to not allow someone to grasp your happiness and in exchange give you negative emotions. Take your happiness back because you deserve it. sending you lots of love, a hug, and most of all peace!

@veronica ramirez : What an exquisite response, thank you so much. I'm very moved by your story and encouragement, you're an inspiration to me.

Being a narcissistic personality disorder abuse survivor, I completely understand what you mean by gaslighting. At 38 years of age, I discovered that in order to forgive, I must let go of all of the negative emotions and love myself enough to want to move on and create a bright future. Another aspect which helps me accept and forgive the person who hurt and gaslighted me throughout most of my life (both of my parents are narcissists and one of them is emotionally abusive) is to change my perception of the situation. I am now grateful for it as it helped me grow and evolve into the person who I am today. You can follow my blog Saudi Diva for more inspiration and wellness tips!

I'm with you on that one! As moving as this was to watch, it's easy to forgive someone when you find out they have suffered in such a way that they are now pitiful, one feels life has justice....maybe there is a god who has an eye on me, but when your abuser denies it or turns it around and makes it your fault, or simply doesn't care that they've hurt you, how do you let go of THAT, the spitting in the face in addition to the previous hurts.

I read your comment and am in the same boat. Just said a little prayer for you, from Australia.

A kid from my neighborhood was hitting a stick against a tree; the stick broke and a piece flew and hit another kid in the eye. The kid's retina was badly damaged, and he went permanently blind in that eye. Yet these two children continued to hang out and play together, almost like nothing had happened. I was awestruck by it. I once even asked the injured kid, "Aren't you angry about it?" and he just looked at me blankly. Year later, I realize...he understood something that I didn't!

wtf why you causing others pain

with compassion, i hope you are doing okay too my friend. It's practice, a lot of practice, one day you'll figure it out, i promise.

I believe the power to forgive comes only from the God.

I hear ya. That's a whole different ball game than the scenario in the video.

bruh

goten