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Ladies, I’ve had this mindset for a while now and it is very effective. I am able to, in all areas of my life, discern very quickly whether I want to give a person another piece of my time and a glimpse into my world. When I go on a date, I encourage the gentleman to talk - men tell you who they are pretty quickly. You discover they’re recently divorced and scattered (not anywhere near ready for a new romance). You discover they just quit their job - again and again. You discover they are in a bitter custody feud with an ex. You discover their sexism and blatant anger towards women. You discover they’re really interested in what suburb you live and your job title and what sort of income it derives. You discover so many red flags in 20 minutes. And one day you will discover a man who spends five minutes talking about the basics of his life, then politely asks about your passions, if your parents are well and if you see them often, your fav book etc., and that’s the date you order another glass of wine and settle in for a lovely evening.
That guy who asked about my passions, parents and books that I read had zero emotional intelligence. Fearful avoidant attachment style too. It didn’t take long to see that either.
I think biggest red flag in a person is if you have to teach them respect and care, you either have it or not, it doesn't depend on other person, it is a character trait
Never CHASE after him He either wants you and pursues you or he doesn't Either way is fine If he pulls away you dont ask him WHY? You don't try to make him interested in you again... You just ACCEPT it and you MOVE ON Which btw is the best way to make him interested again because now he can SEE your VALUE If he doesnt think you are very special then he cannot be special We Value what we INVEST in ie ask for what you want ... be a challenge
Been on a few dates from online dating I wrote all that out to tell myself ... as it's exactly where I am .. focusing on men that aren't putting effort in . Silly me. Now I will do exactly as Brian says and move on without contacting them which I was so tempted to do as their interest just faded away without explanation. Good luck ladies let's be women of value now ❤
Be a challenge and stay single with cats later, or settle for a simp. If you want a high value man you better not be too much of a challenge when he can get easier ones everywhere.
@@styxzero1675Don't you mean men with low self-esteem who can't compete with other men? A true strong, masculine, attractive high value man isn't scared of a challenge.
@@tiffanyyisrael7989 You just don't get men and that is fine. If we have the options of two attractive women, one that is easier (but not a hoe) and one that is a challenge, which one do you think he will go for? Be realistic please, dosent matter how strong, masculine and attractive he is, infact those traits will make him more complacent/lazy, because he has so many options he wont even bother with you if you are a challenge. The type of guy that will go for a woman that is a challenge is someone with no other options, so a simp/unattractive man... Also the high value man will keep sleeping around until he is bored and settle with whatever woman he is with currently. It is not like by being a challenge it is more likely he will settle for you, infact then he wont even bother with you in the first place. So chances of him settling with you is close to zero. You think men work like women, we do not. Very diffrent.
I would say… if you are with the right person he/ she takes out of you the best qualities. The wrong guy can always trigger your bad qualities, even if you think you healed them, they’re hibernating…
Omg I just had an “aha” moment 😮 the one for you will give you what you need and want, everyone else (no matter how much you like them or how hot they are) won’t give that to you.
The one will not give you everything you want and need, because they are human and imperfect. But will keep trying and will not give up on you.That is the difference.
So you will for sure settle for a simp, low quality man with nothing to lose. These are the type of men that will put you on a peddestal and pursue you to the end of the world. Enjoy.
I think I listened to this at least 5 times already because it's leading me to recognize that someone who can see my worth and value will acknowledge that through their actions. It's also helping me recognize what I need to do to heal after a difficult break-up. Thank you, sincerely.
the last part of healing or I am not actually sure in some cases its healing but more of finding yourself most people change adapt and come apart of who they are with its kind of automatic thing that happens when they separate they still have that part of them inside, some people run off and sleep with the next person trying to lose that part or find that part but it isnt that simple . it takes time, many other people with in a month are already in another relationship possibly because fear of being alone , but actually at least for myself its finding your truth your whole self again and that can be a little scary for some, most people I used to know where like those I just described above. myself when i am with some one and we split up it takes me a long while to find my truth myself again and when I do it feels great , I also realized for myself at least that being with someone isnt permanent its part of life we come together we pick up things we need to learn then move on sometimes we are together for a few months sometimes decades I think most people that are together for longer it is becasue of something else attachment which is ok as long as it isnt abusive myself I usually stay with some one for long periods of time but usually and painfully we grow apart becasue life is just that way maybe its a job that takes them away or family the thing is it will hurt but dont blame them its just apart of life. for myself I have been single for a few decades I dont sleep around I just havent met a person that I actually click with that isnt single and that is ok when you get past the 40yr mark things are a little more tricky in finding someone ;) for myself ther is physical attraction and then there is people that I like to call more of a spiritual attraction which for me is more powerful those types of women are in my case rare . I apologize for my wall of words grammer and spelling mistakes I also apologize if I misspoke or said anything that offends anyone that isnt my intention
Brian, please do a video defining what trying too hard looks like. What are the behaviors that are considered trying too hard. Thank you for all that you do! 🎉
I see a lot of people talking about narcissists. I wonder if some of them understand that it’s an actual disorder. There is a huge difference in a guy being a d*ck and one being a narcissist. I’ve dated both, but only one of the latter. The truth is, friends first assures that you value each other. Valuing each other means that you can talk about the hard things and it doesn’t mean the end. Value and be valued.
Exactly. Narcissism is not harmful if the person treats it regularly. Therapy isn't a necessity, because it's impossible to afford in a country like the US for example, but solo therapy is very easy to do to help you manage your narcissism so you don't let it harm others. And the best thing to do if you are or assume you are a narcissist, is to tell your partners, so they know if they can handle it or not. Dicks aren't narcissists, and narcissists aren't dicks. Ignorant people use the term narcissism to mean dickish, which is extremely abusive towards narcissists, and especially children with narcissism. But this always happens to those of us who are mentally different. I'm Autistic and have ADHD, and I've been abused my entire life for them, with "jokes" about how bad Autistic actions are, how "hyper" kids with ADHD are, etc. People who do that claim it's just "A joke," but in reality they see us as a toy to hurt, not an actual person. Narcissists and people with OCD also get treated just as harshly, too, when there's literally nothing wrong with them. Another one who gets abuse even more so than the rest of us are Psychopaths and Sociopaths. Most of my friends are one of the two, and they're the kindest people you'll ever know. They just have a difficult time understanding emotions, and regulating their own. They're not murderers or serial 'Grapists' by default.
Narcissistic traits and Narcissistic personality disorder are different, yes. The toxic behaviors are similar. Unfortunately, pop psychology is muddling things with incorrect labels.
Yes, I think narcissism is a psychopathy? It's at least part of the 'dark triad' of psychological traits. I thought the same about people throwing the word 'narcissist' around, as if every other person is one. I dated a true narcissist once and I can see that, looking back, he was mentally different than other men I'd dated who just were merely d*cks. In fact I knew pretty quickly. He really believed he was entitled to the best life has to offer - in respect from others, treatment, wealth. And that others were created to serve him. He saw nothing wrong with wearing the finest designer clothing - like a wool/Sherpa custom made hunting coverall that cost thousands - and demanded that I wear mismatched socks with holes in them rather than buy a new pack. And treated waiters and service people so cruelly that I eventually stopped going out in public with him. There were many, worse things too. Unethical practices in the company he owned, wrongdoing to family members on a drastically different level. It was eye opening because I didn't really believe narcissists could be as bad as the literature says.
I think asking man for what you want is okay but asking again and again isn't okay. Never behave pushy or desperate. I did that. Sometimes, men can't say no and they run away.
But more importantly, if you find yourself asking again and again for what you need, then the problem is in his unwillingness to adapt to your needs. He, therefore, doesn’t care too much about you and is not worth your time.
sometimes, man can't say no and they don't run away either. they just stay in a unhappy relationship not giving anything to you and not getting the one they love, obviously
I agree with what you’re saying in the video but not with the title. If someone is emotionally unavailable won’t change that easily, it’s not a game you can win, in this case you have to leave
I can't figure tif he is emotional unavailable or just doesn't like me ....he have traits on emotional unavailable from what I ve read but so much mixed signals....he behave like a friend,not talking about relationship, neither for sexual staff,but what is the point to have me as friend even as he is so busy, famous musician,he has many friends....I don't know,confusing situation,I tried to speak to him but he is avoiding it....
@@positivevibeskx1102 I'm sorry, I know that hurts. I've had even new Narcissistic women "friends" pull alot of weird power trips too, but it hurts more when you have feelings for a romantic interest. But God has been opening my eyes more, so in a way, it's a good thing . I just keep them at a distance.
@@tlc6756 Thank you for being compassionate,the thing is my last relationship was with a guy who was narcissist and I never knew this condition,then I started to look for information and found out he acted exactly like was described...,yes I was so hurt that it took me 2 years to heal....now this new guy appeared,and all started like friends situation,and he is so nice and I never expected he would act like this again......all videos teaches us to self love and unhealed childhood traumas but I don't know.....was very weird that he just came into my life when I was praying God to send me a true person for me ,but it's just been a temptation I guess.....
The problem is when the "good" behaviors that chase a guy away are not known, especially if they ghost you without explaination. My question is how then are we to know what behaviors to keep vs. change if there is no honest conversation about what chased the guy away in the first place? Men say that they are 'simple' and less complicated than women but I absolutely disagree. As a woman today you either have to be an expert decoder to decode what the heck is going on with your man since he is incapable of communicating like an adult, or you have to prepare yourself for great disappointment and heartache because you run the risk of "chasing" a guy away with seemingly "good" behaviors. So confused by this...
This happened ro me recently... H ghosted me for the sec time andni still didn't get the reason ro why he did it the first time... I'm disappointed at myself for thinking making myself easily accessible for him will show him I was serious and sisnr want ro play any games. I guess women never really get what they want, but what's presented to them. Women settle because not alot of us can pretend and play games to be liked/seen attractive. I'm lonely but there is nothing that beats the loneliness of trying so much and never finding out what the problem was and constantly trying to communicate and be told you atr impatience for being left confused. I'm done, I really can't, id rather be single.
Just be yourself, the right one will stay, and you want the one who stays to want you to always be yourself otherwise you have a lifetime of being someone else... if you get what I mean... you can't make a mistake with the right one... he'll always readily want to fix it just as you will readily want to fix it with him 👑🌹
The thing is, and I'm old enough (41) and have had enough male friends in my lifetime to be confident in my observational knowledge to say this, most men are making very poor choices when choosing a spouse. The brutal truth is that men tend to marry the type of women they BELIEVE they SHOULD be marrying rather than thinking critically about it, or are simply marrying the "easiest" women meaning, women who have very little sense of self outside of being in a relationship with a man. Receiving a proposal from a man is NOT the compliment that most women believe it to be, nor does it indicate that a man is going to be faithful. In fact, a lot of men don't even like their wives (see femicide stats, videos of grooms aggressively smashing cake into their brides' faces, and wedding speeches that include mention of the wifely duties of keeping their husbands' balls empty and their stomachs full). Marriage is a scam, ladies. It benefits mostly men and yet so many women are being told to prove their worth to a man so that they can be deemed "the one"....the one who what, exactly? 😂
I’m so th😮thankful I read this comment. That a lot of men or women should think critically if he or she is the ONE they want to marry. The ONE for what, exactly?
When he commits he's ready for a relationship... whoever doesn't commit in the first place doesn't have time to get to know you and doesn't value you...
you're giving out great advice, especially the one where women would start chasing men for attention when they ignore them. I've seen many men talking about how women just want attention, and once men stop giving it they become "triggered", so these men thought it'd be a good idea to start ignoring women so they would be doing the work instead of the men. Very bad behavior, not to say that many women aren't in a relatinoship just for attention, and women who are serious shouldn't be rewarding it.
these same men get mad at us women for not playing their games and then turn into women haters 🙄 Same with women who play the same bs.. get mad at men who don't want to play games and then turn into men haters
Thank you for these videos! There's nothing better than validation to one's feelings. Thank you all of your videos, and I look forward to buying your books ☺️
The only concern I have is perpetuating the mommy wound by telling them in there a good boy if you’re doing some thing. We don’t wanna be told we are a good girl for doing some thing so we deserve to have an equal mature partner, who appreciates our efforts as much as we do them not in a parent child dynamic. Otherwise, the rest the points make a lot of sense in a very simplistic form.
Watching your video is surely worth everyone’s time. You always share thought-provoking, meaningful, serious information. Your e really good at this! Thanks 🙏
This is about the third video that I watch of you Mr. Nox & this is the best one & exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for this POWERFUL talk. It’s so refreshing when I hear a man speak on this topic & you do it so beautifully! I am now a new subscriber 🤍
They run away if i set boundaries and make clear what i want. I see so many narcistic man. I have also my life they dont handle a woman who has here own beautiful live . They are jealous and see that you have friends go travelimg en go to you hobbys ther cant handle this..its like they want a woman who have no live and say 🫡 and dont like when i say no i cant ore i dont like you behave like this
That's sad, i am glad i have examples from my family on how one ought to be. It's sad that if someone who shows they would go above and beyond for the one they love and want to continue their relationship. If anyone who treats you less than for effort and consistent effort, leave them right there.
Thank you, Brian! 😃❤️🙌 Your videos always help and I love your sense of humor! Thank you for helping us to understand better and to better ourselves! Thank you for being you! ☺️❤️🙌🎉
Sending 🎉🎊 Sir Brian. I always watch every vid you uploaded,, I wish you good health and hope that you will never stop enlightening people ❤with your words. 😊
Wow I was mislead by this video. Idk why I clicked on it when I thought it was gonna be misogynistic. Just that internal voice of self punishment lmao. "Sometimes the things that scare men away are exactly the things you need to do." 💯💯💯💯💯
If u knew u are Valuable what would u do, Quiet confidence, Know u r Special, Ask for what u want, Men value what they invest in......Rewarding him for good behavior
Where uve been ❤? Nice to see u again , its just happened i blocked him for his lack of communication in start. Of dating .. im not sure im right or take it too seriously 😢
I had a man once tell me that I needed to be asked for what I wanted. I was confused by that because no one ever asked me that or seemed to want to show up for me. Can you provide examples of what I should be asking for?
This is me. I think she might be the one. To me it feels like we have a connection almost spiritual. I think we have similar personalities. Plus she has some great qualities like high morals and values and humility. I'm still working on her but I'm surprised so far she doesn't see the same things about me. What is she looking for?
@@chopper1ladyWorking on her to get her to like me. I do accept her and love her. Don't be so rude. Get your facts straight before making a fool of yourself.
I don’t mean this to be rude so please don’t take this the wrong way. Different people want different things. That is why we are unique in our own ways. And it is because we don’t know you and don’t know her personally, asking a bunch of strangers might lead you down the wrong path. The people giving you advice might not be intentionally trying to give you bad advice but there is a possibility of bad outcome, since we don’t know your situation or circumstance(s). That was why I was suggesting (earlier) for you to ask her directly to see what she wants. Even if you ask her friends/your friends, how much do they truly know her/you? And I mean REALLY know? Because most people will hide a part of themselves from others, even with their loved ones. And even if they do really know her/you, there is also the possibility that they may misunderstand or misinterpret what she is thinking or meaning. When you go to her directly, you are hearing it straight from the horses mouth. If you don’t mind sharing the outcome with me, I would like that. If not, that is ok too. You have the rights to your/her privacy so I won’t be offended and respect that too. But 🍀🍀🍀 and wishing you nothing but the best. I am honestly rooting for you ☺️
this is very interesting but what if he's a close friend who knows your insecurities and traumas... how to suddenly be confident? it's like putting a mask
Am in a long dist relationship with my bf n ik he really loves me alot n i love him too but at times he doesn't value my presence in his life n i feel left out......idk how to deal with this....plss tell.....ur videos really help me💓
Long distance relationships don't work if there is no end date in sight where you'll be together in the same town again. He's probably cheating so... Good luck.
I got recently broken up with in June bc of this. I wasn't trying to make her feel like she was here. She lives in Europe and I'm in Texas she goes out more than I do but I stay home alone so it was the same thing everyday, but she really wanted me to be there for her regardless I just felt so overwhelmed with my situation and just shut myself down. I don't have social medias or anything I was just away from my phone and didn't give her much time that I regret. She was a great woman she did more that was asked of her I hope I meet someone else like her in my area. And I will learn from my bitter mistakes. Bc ina relationship you give you dont take. I had to get ready to give myself the love I neglected on me and I had to learn how to give love to others. Maybe He has to learn a harsh lesson sadly men only change when pain comes. He might also be a covert narcissist. which I also found out I had characteristics which I only saw after, but only ppl that truly change won't make the same mistakes again.
I feel like I am being loved bombed… after 2 months of dating, he said he loves me. And I gave in and agreed to be in a monogamous relationship with him… I feel like I’m being loved bombed because he has cancer and a he’s a single father and he needs a woman to help take care of him and his son. On the flip side, I’ve never had a man who treats me so well
Run for the hills!! He’s looking for a hospice wife. Where’s the baby mama? Where is his family? 2 months and he is “in love” that’s a load of bs. Every love bomber I’ve been involved was saying they were in love within the first 3 months, sometimes in the first few weeks! They don’t know you long enough to know if they love you. The ones who say it so quick mean that they see you are easily manipulated and will be able to be guilted into pouring in all her time, attention, energy, care, and you are a winning ticket. And throw in the illness and a kid, and you will be trapped and if he passes away what happens to his child who you will have no rights too if a bio mom or family are available and left as their guardian. Then you are a widow. Or he makes it through, you’ve likely suffered a lot by that time and his behavior is likely to deteriorate and all that great treatment you get now will have disappeared and you will wonder where the person you met went. He was never there to begin with, just a fake put on show to secure your guilt, shame, and get you into a trauma bond as they give you breadcrumbs at the end. He needs a nurse and a nanny, not a girlfriend or a wife.
@@Jennaswirly I decided I’m going to stick it out because I do care. If I stay and I don’t get a fruitful future with him, that’s something I’m willing to accept because there is also a lot I can learn from being in a relationship with him that will make me a better person. His son’s mom is around but his son doesn’t like her. So some back story… his wife (the son’s mom) cheated on him and the son experienced her cheating… the son saw her kiss another guy and she would talk to other guys around her son. Also she was a violent person and would hit her husband and her son. He had cancer before and he went through radiation but now it’s back. And when he was going through cancer treatment the first time, the wife didn’t bother to help, she abandoned both him and her son. He’s in the process of getting a divorce (so he’s still married) and I believe the divorce process is causing a lot of stress which caused the cancer to return.
This is so cute. I will never be able to get a partner and keep them because I am dumb and mentally ill and too old now. But I wish I could be good for someone. I wish I was intelligent like other girls.
Move on as in? I'm not gonna talk to him again? What if he calls you once a day, and talk for 1/2 minutes to talk some basic shits as if nothing ever happened. How should I behave? Should I not receive? Or I should act normal as if actually nothing happened. Will that help? Idk what to do.
Does it matter? Half of marriages fail. People change or things happened and there are no guaranteed. It hurts most when before marriage, the men tried hard to win you over because you want that feeling to last but when it has been taken away, that's when it feels the worst.
What would your reaction and feelings be if a girl said this to her guy: "Hey hun! Just wondering, are you planning on staying with me this coming week? A friend is coming to town for work and he's wondering if he can stay on my couch. If you are then I'll tell them to make other arrangements."
