I know you're feeling vulnerable about this vid. Just wanted to send you some love support and encouragement. You have been a source of joy and learning for me over the past few years. 💖
Once I understood my kids were God's children first, it changed my parenting drastically, because I'm going to be held accountable for whatever I instill in them (good and bad). Thank you for being brave and sharing your story.
I admire you for telling this. I am Norwegian, and I was brought up the same way, my dad, spanked me when I did something wrong or hit me over my mouth if I said something wrong. It sounds bad, but he did these things because he was absolutely sure that it was the right way to raise kids. So, when I got my first kid, my husband and I thought we should do the same. Not hard,, but I can I remember I told him I would spank him if he didn't listen to me... Shortly after my 1. child I got a a girl, and even if we was careful I am a shamed to tell you that one day, when my youngest girl was only 2 years old, she did something wrong, and we spanked her butt, again not hard, but it's no excuse.. Cos we where so angry at her too .. It's awful to write this 😣I remember we walked out of her room... And both my husband and I started to cry.... We looked at eachother trough tears and said "No more..!" 2 years old! I' m still ashamed. We stopped that day, never ever did it again. Now they are all grown up.. We have talked about it with them. They can't remember anything like that luckily, and came out great, loving good young adults. I am so greatful we stopped when we did! When I think about that we at one point thought that spanking our precious kids was the right thing.. I can't belive we where so stupid. So girl, you are not alone, I really think I know how you feel. You are wise and brave to tell your story👍❤ Thank you!
You spoke directly to my heart! My 6 year old son has control issues (because he’s type 1 diabetic and doesn’t feel control over his body) and has ADHD. His therapist has us on a positive parenting journey and I’m CRYING listening to your story because it’s mirroring mine. I pray I get to be as good of a parent as you describe.
crying with you through this whole video. I really appreciate you sharing the differences in yourself and not just your story. The tangible differences were super helpful for me to hear. Gosh, this was just so great ash.
This is such a heavy topic. I am a christian mom of two girls, and I'll just say I agree with you so you know where I'm coming from. It is hard because I was spanked as a child, and I hold no resentment at all. My parents are my best friends. However, when I look back, it was VERY rare I was spanked. My husbands parents, sadly, thought that spanking was the solution to everything and in my opinion, manipulated their kids. My husband has a lot of respect for them, but does not have a relationship with them. His parents see this as a win, because their children "behaved". It has caused a struggle in our marriage because I don't believe that spanking them is the right answer to their bad behavior, but my husband doesn't really know any other way of addressing it. I thought it was incredibly enlightening when you said that we do not obey God out of fear. I have never been afraid of God causing me pain. I experience pain, sometimes I'm sure the Lord doesn't stop it because of the bad choices I have made, but fear is not why I listen and trust Him. I don't want to use fear on my kids either. I don't know with 100% certainty that spanking is always wrong (I don't see why God would have allowed it in the Bible if it always was) I DO 100% believe that it is one of the easiest ways to take out our frustrations on our kids. And that is unbiblical and will only cause breaks in our relationship. I always hear that spanking is never to be done of anger, but sadly I think it's rare to find people who actually don't do that. When I'm not angry I can always seem to think of a better way of handling it. Our home has been much more peaceful since we have stopped. I still need to help my husband learn what else to do though.
This is where my husband and I are at, as well. He always goes back to, "spare the rod, spoil the child.." but I think that should be something extremely rare and NOT a weekly punishment. However, I think the more I pray about it and the more I (stress the "I" here!) avoid spanking the less and less my husband does it. I can't control my husband any more than I can control the kids so I just pray and model the behavior I want all of them to do and maybe someday we will have a spank-free family as well.
My first Son is 23 years old and gentle, positive parenting wasn't a thing, without the internet l had to go with my gut on my parenting. I never needed to smack, shame or ball at my kids. Just didn't, we would talk things through when they got a little older, when they were small we used distractions as our best go to to tool. I ran everything through my heart to filter it's effectiveness and appropriateness. The best place to start is respect. If you can respect your child as the little individual that they are you can't go to far wrong. Remember that their needs are as important as yours. Take your time and try and find a way to get a little of what you both want. Use your empathy and patience. You will be so heartened by how well they respond and how beautifully they grow! It is so much easier than it sounds and flows very naturally. A world away from the abusive and damaging childhood l suffered through!
I'm a single mom of three kids I've adopted from foster care. They come from really hard backgrounds and lots of trauma. I grew up with consequences, punishment and anger. As much as I hate it, it's where I revert when I feel frustrated, overwhelmed or hurrying. I am working on this every day, too. It is SO good to know I'm not alone and, honestly, I loved that you didn't have a "moment" where everything changed. Because I am trying! And I want to change. And I pray and we've been to counseling. I also bought all of Karyn Purvis' videos and I still struggle. I feel hope hearing your story and knowing it IS possible to change. Thank you for sharing!
Hey Ashleigh! I just wanted you to know how brave you were for filming this, and how grateful us viewers are for being able to watch it. Your journey is inspiring - and your humility, love and kindness is so clear. You, Peter and your children are all such brilliant human beings. I am not a parent yet, however your story has really resonated with me and I thank you once again for sharing!
I have been there so many times. SO MANY times. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your journey of where you've been- and where you're at now. It helps so much more than you could ever know. love you sister.
I wanted to thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. Parenting is hard and we do make mistakes, sometimes big, sometimes small, but inevitably it is a learning experience. Growing and changing comes with age. How we raised our first child, will not be how we raised our last, for we are not the same people. I wanted to especially thank you for this video because I feel like no one talks about spanking anymore, society has now deemed it to be wrong, however for an entire generation(s) of us, it was our "normal" and it left scars. How our parents parented us, affects how we in turn parent our own children. I was raised in a highly abusive household; yelling, screaming, name calling, fighting, hitting were all common and even though my brain and heart knows it is wrong and I do not want to do the same to my children, it is a struggle because it is what I've known and comes instinctively (sadly). I am a yeller and must work hard on that. Luckily I've never raised a hand against my children, but yelling and having explosive outbursts, I feel, are no better for a child's well being and so that is my struggle. Thank you for sharing yours.
I just found this video today. I'm a 30"s mama to three 8, 4 and 1.5. I've been praying for God to teach me how to no longer yell and be a punitive parent. Thank you for sharing these actionable steps. Thank you for courageously sharing your heart. Thank you!
Ashleigh, That mom that you once were spanked her kids and couldn't control herself was still a good mom because she loved her kids. And just like when your kids learn they do better once they know you did as well. And you loved them enough to change. You were a good mom then and you're a good mom now ❤️
Thank you for sharing such a personal experience. This is very relatable and so many parents out there need to hear this. I would like to remind you that having compassion for yourself is important too. Life is one big learning experience and I’m grateful to learn something from you today. Thank you.
I really needed this video. God is right in the middle of working on this with me. I am at the point where I'm aware that what I'm doing is not working, but trying to figure out how to change it. I long for the joy and peace that I see other mother's have. Thank you for being a stepping stone (in the best way) towards this goal! I hope that you come to have peace and learn to forgive yourself for your past parenting ❤
I don’t believe spanking is wrong, ( unless done in anger or where it crosses the line) but agree that it shouldn’t be the only tool. Being a nanny has taught me a lot because you obviously can’t use that method with somebody else’s children and with whatever reaction that you have or rather response because we shouldn’t be we are acting you want them to learn like you said not respond in fear. Using other methods kinda forces you to learn patience, but also teaches you about you own responses. And helps you think about teaching not just punishment. I want my future children to learn to rest in perfect love and not live in fear of punishment. (1John 4:18) yes I believe in the fear of God but that fear in respect not terror or fear of you. You are so brave for sharing and being willing to teach others
But why would inflicting pain on a child be less damaging if done out of calmness? And you write that you obviously can't spank someone else's children, so is causing pain something reserved for those we love the most? Should partners spank their spouses for discipline? If someone where to use violence, no matter how calm they were, I would feel horrible. And I'm not a defenseless child. What does it teach? That when I do this you hurt me? And it is bad for kids, objectively scientifically bad, causing pain on purpose to a child, shaming them etc affects the development of the brain, negatively. It leads to later in life having poorer impulse control, more prone to commit sexual assault, feeling less empathy towards others, among other very serious issues. Fortunately for wise parents who realize that hey, I shouldn't hit small people, the damage can be repaired by new peaceful experiences, though it takes longer to fix a child than to not break it at first. Highly recommend a book called "love matters" by I thiiiink Sue Gerhardt. In my parenting I strive to meet my children with the same respect I treat any other human I meet, if I wouldn't act a certain way towards another adult, I probably shouldn't act that way with my kids either.
With tears flowing I want to say thank you I appreciate this video so much I could have made it myself. I too grew up with the church teaching me these things and I am constantly trying to repair damage I've done with my children. This helped me feel less alone. You are so wonderful your kids are so blessed and you are so brave!
Thank you so much for sharing this. I think the fact that you made this video at this time was divine intervention. I'm a mom of 6 and just recently my family is going through an incredibly hard time, partly due to behavior issues in one of my older sons. We just started seeing a therapist even to try to address what it going on. When this video popped up, I watched it right away even though the topic isn't something I would normally gravitate towards (but I enjoy all your videos). Since I watched it, I've realized things about our family dynamics and how my husband and I have been disciplining and our attitudes. I've been reading more about positive parenting and have ordered a book. It sounds like exactly what we need to help us make some changes to our family culture for the better. I feel hopeful now that we do have the power to change things. Thank you, Ashley, I am deeply grateful for you sharing this story.
Oh my momma heart is right there with yours. I am where you were a few years ago. This spoke so directly to me, thank you so much. The relationship you use to have with your oldest sounds similar to the ine I have with my second. I appreciate this video so much and will probably watch it again to remind and encourage myself of where I want to be in my parenting. 7 can be hard, my 7 are currently 10-1. Good on you for working hard to improve, and yes so much to God and his endless grace and forgiveness. Love your channel; I found it a few months back after finding your sister's.
Thank you for this video.. Less screaming is a goal that I had written down for my self this morning and then opened up RU-vid to see your video first. I watched the whole video then I ordered two of the books you recommended. Thank you again for sharing your story.
This is making me cry I think Abba sent me to this today for a reason I was feeling so stressed today trying to get ready for Shabbat and I was so behind and going crazy, when you said that our children arw not ours but gifts from Abba! Ahh my heart that really hit me hard
Another amazing video Ashley! Once again I don’t yet have children but watching all of your videos is helping to inform me about how I want to raise my children, so wonderful xxx
Thankyou for putting yourself in an uncomfortable spot to share this. It resonates massively and you have helped me see things in the light I needed. I’ve made notes of points you’ve spoken about and will bring myself back to them when I feel I need it 💜💜💜
It seems there are some significant theological differences between the two camps (spanking is wrong vs spanking is right). I have not seen any of the commenters get into theological implications apart from "God is patient/merciful, therefore we should be as well." I'd like to see someone work through the idea of God's sovereignty as it relates to a believer's discipline and suffering. Also, a lot of people talk about their children as if they are believers, assuming Christ has indeed taken their punishment (either Roman Catholic, Presbyterian, or Universalism beliefs). I have not seen anyone thinking from the other perspective that our children are not believers, and we as parents need to carefully think through both showing how God extends mercy and grace to those who repent, yet for those who do not repent, there will be eternal punishment. Is it a disservice to children to give them false assurance of salvation if there is no fruit/repentance? Not saying spanking is the only form of discipline. I think these truths could be taught without spanking. But I'm not hearing anyone voicing these "other" perspectives much. For those still confused about the matter, it may be helpful to identify which theological camp you fall in to, because, psychology aside, that will inevitably impact your thoughts on parenting.
I looked up "punitive parenting" because I realized I was constantly manipulating and threatening my children, and more than not spanking to get them to cooperate. I realize I also am dismissive when they expressed their needs, because I "know" their need is not "serious". Lots of conviction happened as I watched you share your honesty, and I plan to look into resources for myself to help change this pattern.
Thank you so much for making these videos and talking about these topics. It is so hard to break the patterns we were raised with, but so important. My kids are 5, 3 and 1 and you give me so much hope in the concept that it is not too late to change, and fix my relationship with my oldest child especially. So again, thank you for being vulnerable ♥️
Thanks so much for this video! I spent most of my Sunday yesterday yelling at my 3 year old and the guilt I feel at the end of the day is so much. I wanted to parent differently but just wasnt sure where to go. Your video could not have come at a better time for me. Thanks for putting yourself out there, you have helped this mom already
This is an INCREDIBLE video. Thank you for sharing your heart and being vulnerable. Like you I also had only seen and heard the message in church culture to spank and to expect perfect (unrealistic) blind obedience. This never sat well with me and I was made to feel like a failure in our church culture because I didn't want to spank and I didn't expect blind obedience. Since discovering peaceful parenting my motherhood has bloomed and our bonds have deepened. It breaks my heart that Christian culture still proclaims the myth of blind robotic obedience in our children.
I am only 2 minutes into this video and my eyes are already tearing up. At a time when I need help the most, you posted this video and I feel like it was just meant for me. Thank you for sharing, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for helping this momma out.
I was just sharing with my husband how scared I am of parenting my daughter through toddlerhood. She’s 15 months and starting to act more and more toddler like each day. This video has encouraged me so much. I don’t want to be an angry parent. Thank you so so so much for sharing this! ❤️
Thank you I know that this had to be a harder video to make. I really truly do appreciate it so much. I’m a mom of 3 pregnant with our 4th and been honestly super annoyed with my kids lately. After watching this video this morning I decided to just let the little stuff go. The need to keep every room clean and constantly yelling for them to take it back to their room the constant threat that I’m going to spark you if you don’t do what I want you to do right now. My kids have never been this well behaved. No one was yelled at today no one was spanked and when it came time to pick up I asked and they all just pitched in and helped.
As a Child and Family Science Major, I am definitely looking forward to hearing more on your outlook that spanking is not biblical. This is at constant debate in my studies, and you have an intriguing viewpoint! I personally agree with you, but of course am always working to reduce biases. Thank you for being you!
I’m not a mother yet myself but this really touched my heart. For the future, and for the way I was patented and how I navigate that in my adult life now. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this, it really touched a lot of people.
You are an amazing mama. I too have a very strained and damaged relationship with my oldest daughter (now 9) for very similar reasons. You are an inspiration for hope for a restored and healthy relationship with her. Thank you so much for sharing your story and being so vulnerable.
Love this. I found peaceful parenting when my eldest was a few months old. I now have 2 kids. Don't get me wrong I do shout occasionally but it's more about me than them. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing this. Thank you for being vulnerable. My oldest is 4 and struggles with a condition (PANS) and my youngest is 2. I've always tried to be a "peaceful parent" but lately I've been an angry one. I've been short and yelled and haven't given them enough time. This past week I've really been working on my heart and your video came at a perfect time. It was just what I needed to continue down this path of opening my heart to my children, of embracing my motherhood, and of being the parent my children deserve. Thank you 💜
What a beautiful testimony. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing with me. I can relate in so many ways and it gives me so much peace to know that it is never too late to change the way you act towards yours children. Because sometimes, even though I have never spanked my kids I have yelled and threatened way too much, I cry at night feeling like I am a horrible mom and that the damage I have done is permanent. How horrible it makes me feel to think that I permanently messed up my relationship with my kids... But you give me hope. Thank you so much mama ! You are inspiring 💕
You are incredibly brave for sharing this story! I can totally see myself being in the same position as you were those years ago. But i thankfully have found your channel early enough to help me (and my baby boy) have a healthier and more positive experience in those toddler years! I will start reading and prepare myself for our future. Would you consider sharing some specific parenting tools that you use? Do you do time out? How do you handle children not wanting to go to bed? Everything we do in life is a learning process. You have learned and you have changed for the better. I hope you can get over those feelings of guilt soon!
This video has me in tears. I’m a step mom to an amazing 11 year old. I’ve been a parent to her for 7 years now, and early on I decided that I would not yell or spank because that is not how I wanted her to treat me. This video has me thinking back on my relationship with her, and at the end I said to myself “Wow, I’m doing something right” I always feel like I’m not doing enough, or good enough because I’m just a step mom. This video did so much to validate me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! Also you are so brave for making this video, and deserve all the grace in the world.
Thank you for sharing!! I too started off down that road if “this is how you discipline” and over years learned they weren’t learning anything but fear. Have I perfected it? Not at all. But with practice and grace we are taking time to stop and address behavior issues peacefully and with love. God Bless you sis! Your doing a great job!
Thank you for making this video! I have a 2yo & an infant & have started to feel what you felt about spanking. The thought has occurred to me that how am I supposed to teach my son not to hit others when we hit him if he does something bad. Totally hypocritical. I am definitely going to be looking into positive parenting. How did Peter handle your change in parenting style? My husband is a firm believer in spankings, so I’m not sure how that would affect things if we are parenting differently. I would love to see that video about how spanking is not biblical because we’ve been taught that verse about “the rod of discipline” is basically a go ahead for spanking, but if God is love then how does that fit together? Anyway, would love to see that video. Thanks Ashley!
This video really resonated with me. I have a two babies, my oldest just reaching toddler years. This video was the guidance I’ve been praying for. I’ve asked parents at church for advice and they haven’t said ANYTHING like this video. Thank you for being vulnerable with your viewers because this video has truly helped me and inspired me as a mother.
I know the feeling. Thank you for sharing this. I am in that awful place and still trying to figure out how to get out of it. It’s a long hard road but brave people like yourself being open about it truly helps.
Thank you SO much for being so brave and vulnerable and going out on a limb to share your parenting story. I have been feeling like I’m stuck in a rut with my own parenting and listening to you was so life giving and a great reminder that there is always an opportunity to rethink and start making changes for the better. In the end, my relationship with my kids is the most important, not changing how they behave for momentary gratification for ME. I found Scream Free on my library’s book app and started listening to it during my work out this afternoon! I placed a few other resources on hold at the library, too. This parenting thing is a beautiful, never ending journey! Thanks again for sharing. God is using you, girl!
Thank you for sharing! I've been working on myself, in the ways you've said, for a while. It's hard. Especially like you said when you were raised to think that's the way it should be done.
I am so glad I decided to subscribe to you many months ago...God knew I needed to hear another Mama say that she, at one point in her Motherhood, didn't truly "enjoy being a Mom." Retraining myself to release anxiety and control has been extremely difficult. I just want my child to listen, to obey, to move/say all the right things in the way I want them done. Thank you so SO much for sharing this, Ashleigh. When you said at the beginning if you could help just ONE Mama - maybe that's me...Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing, even if it brought you a few tears. God bless you!!
Thank you for this video! I want to share it with everyone I know. I have believed strongly in gentle respectful parenting since I was pregnant with my first, and especially when navigating sleepless nights etc. and I discovered the various parenting approaches (and was shocked at some suggestions from well-meaning friends). BUT I still struggle a lot with yelling. I have such a long way to go in that regard. I've read the books, I know the things, but sometimes I just lose it. For now what I do is apologize and try to repair. But I'm hopeful that with God's help I will overcome this!! Anyway...thank you so much for being so open, vulnerable and a shining witness to the truth and beauty of motherhood
Wow. You are so raw and open and spoke directly to me. I am you when your boys were little. My girls are 3 & 2 with another on the way. I would love a deeper dive into some specifics... my eldest has always been very very headstrong and I feel as though if I were to give extra attention when she was acting out it would positively reinforce the naughtiness. Such as refusing to eat their food and constant messing about at the dinner table. Only a small example. I am not religious. I parent through fear with the deep feeling that their behavior is a reflection of me. It’s such a struggle. But thank you.
I will work on some deeper dives in the coming months...I was just thinking about a food related video! But yes, So many of our decisions as parents are rooted in our own fears and anxieties about what their behavior says about US. The Scream Free parenting book addresses that topic well.
JOYFUL CHAOS thank you. I watched your video and spent the next hour lying beside my sleeping child crying my eyes out in shame and guilt and grief. I’m going to do better xxx
Thank you so much. I didn't have a healthy example of parenting personally so I've been learning, especially the last 6 months which have been very difficult with the toddler behavior. What makes it harder is that everybody has an opinion and insists on telling me. It makes you feel like a bad mom to be told you're not doing right by your kid even though I think I am or am trying to.
I so needed to hear this! I feel like I’m in this same area of parenting and God is starting to lead me out and no one talks about this. But hearing your story is so connecting and helpful! Thank you for being honest and your willingness to share.
This is so relatable. My kids are 2 and 3 and we just started our journey out of punitive parenting a little less than a year ago. It’s been so rough, but so worth it. I’m still deep in the trenches of unlearning so much and it makes me so sad and angry that hitting the most vulnerable is so deeply tied into Christianity. We’ve lost a lot of standing in the religious community since turning away from that line of thinking. That’s fine by me at this point, I don’t want anything to do with that kind of faith anymore anyway. But it is a lot of pain. I’m really thankful for your example and willingness to speak out. You are such an encouragement to me.
Also, I just finished this video, and I’m so crying. I just kind of assumed because you and Angie are both pretty positive parents that you were somewhat raised that way and fell into it naturally. It gives me so much hope to hear you talk about your past parenting regrets. I hate that you have them, because that’s such a heavy burden. But it gives me hope that I can get there. I’m really thankful for this video. You have no idea. We were encouraged by our former “church” to start spanking when our kids were little more than babies. I carry so much pain over that. This was such a well timed encouragement. Thank you again.
I’m not a mother yet but when I am I hope I can be like you! I just want you to know that I love your videos and I look forward to them every week you bring joy to the chaos of my days.
I really needed to hear this, i was also raised to believe that spanking and yelling at your kids is the way to make them listen and I've always felt it was wrong. I'm in no way perfect, and i am still trying so hard to be a patient, calm mama and your words just let me know im on the right path
This video is hands down my favorite that you have ever posted! Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share glimpses of the intimate. I was on this journey and lost my way... Thank you for the reminder that they don't belong to me!
Thank you for doing this video. It really hit home. I can't stand the parent I was when my kids were little. I was not a loving mom and I modeled after what I knew when I was a child. I was also dealing with substance abuse. If I could go back and take all the pain I made my children feel away I would. All I can do now is let them know I am so sorry. I have been clean for almost two years and of course that's not a reason to celebrate or anything but it has made me find myself and God and open my heart now to my kids. My kids are older now and one of my kids left home not to long ago and has nothing to do with me and that pain is unbearable. But all I do is pray that maybe one day our relationship can heal. Anyway Ashley thank you for sharing your story. You are a blessing to your children as your children our a blessing to you!💖
Thank you sooo very much for this honest message. I am in this place currently and struggling a bit with bringing along the rest of my family. The older generation still very much looks at children as lesser humans to be seen not heard, who must respect their elders even if those elders have invested zero time in building a relationship with them (speaking about my kids’ grandfather here). I’m so glad the world is waking up to a better way of parenting and so honored I have been fortunate enough to hear the peaceful parenting message and seem to have gotten my sweet husband on board. Any advice about grandparents and how to get them on board // cut them out of my kids lives Kindly would be so helpful.
I found your honesty very refreshing, love the part about practice makes perfect and the realization that things were just not working. Truth said in that part about naming feelings and emocional inteligence, I am glad you came to your senses and decided to stop punitive and that being religious you were open minded enough to try different approach. Best wishes love the two videos of you I watched (weaning). I am also opting for possitive non punitive and it also feels true to my hearth so glad to have encountered all the info.
Thank you so much for sharing. My husband and I are on the journey to positive parenting and trying to implement everything it best we can everyday. My parenting style has definitely changed before our 3rd son came along. But it’s so true that we often just fallow what our parents did thinking this is how it should be done. With Gods grace I’m working to brake the terrible behaviour and responses which where programmed in me since childhood. Sad that we don’t receive any training before taking on the most important job in the world, much love ❤️
Wow! All of that fear was worth it. Thanks for your vulnerability, it's humbling. I needed this. God used you with this. Looking forward to the other video you might do. TFS!!!!
Thank you so much for this video! I'm so excited to find your channel. I was looking for videos on unschooling and happened upon one of yours and then saw you are also Torah observant! I'm just moving into gentle parenting as well so I feel like Yahweh brought me here. :) Excited to watch all your content.
I loved so much about what you said. I watched Mayim Bialik's video on hitting your children and when she said that it doesn't teach obedience; it only teaches pain avoidance, something in me just clicked. Thank you so much for this video. Who knows how many childrens' lives you have positively impacted. ❤
Thank you for sharing this even though it was hard for you. I’m at the starting line of working towards becoming a more peaceful parent and mother who wants to enjoy their children and cherish their childhood. You are an inspiration. Thank you.
I can relate to your comment about ‘church culture’ SO much!!! I was the first out of both my & my husbands families to switch to gentle/peaceful parenting. I got SO much negative comments & criticism when I finally shared what I was learning So much that I am now very hesitant to share gentle parenting with anyone, because of the hurtful comments I got from family.
Thank you thank you! I’ve been struggling and praying about this a lot and your perspective and experience really helped solidify my convictions. Thank you!
Wow. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Ashley. The practice of reaching the heart of your children, truly loving, and discipling and correcting like Jesus would is something that I have seen SOOO many godly parents I know grow in more and more. This video is so full of humility and grace. I
Thank you so much for sharing your story, it was very brave to share something so intimate but please know that this will have helped so many people. I have started my parenting journey in the last few years and try to be a peaceful/positive parent as much as I can and am constantly learning and trying to improve wherever and whenever I can for the sake of these small humans that I have been given the privilege to raise.
Thank you so much for sharing! I took notes, literally! You give me so much hope and and with God's help, tools to get there. Thank God for his grace and mercy that covers all our failings and continues to lead and guide us in the right way...a way that more closely reflects his relationship with us. My summary: Prayer. Grace. Patience. Humility. Building love, trust and respect. Thank you! x
I have struggled with this for years as I too have been brought up that disciplining your child is spanking them when they do wrong. When my 1st was born I also thought somehow because I was the parent and he was the child that he would just listen to me and if I told him no he wouldnt do something then he wouldn't. And if for some reason he didnt listen then if I spanked him he would......yea it didnt work. I spent years trying to figure out why he wouldnt listen to me, and sought advice from others who told me I should spank him more but it never sat right with my heart. So thank you so much for making this video even though it was difficult because you spoke right to my heart.
Wonderful video, you are so brave. 🥰 I’m in a difficult moment with my girls and struggling to keep my calm most days. My eldest daughter is also a spirited child which means that for us it’s not as simple as just making sure her needs are met, she has so many more needs than most children her age. I love what you said about the difference between compliance and obedience. I’m not religious, but sometimes I envy your love of your God, and your ability to put your faith in a higher power.
Communication! I’ll give him books or articles or show him things to help us continue to improve as parents, and he’s typically willing to defer to me as I am the one doing the majority or the learning and time investing!
This video was amazing! I got saved in 2016 and have been wrestling with how to discipline my daughters because all sermons etc I watched for tips said spank and I have felt like I've been disobeying God all this time not doing it. I really struggle to discipline and have just read parenting by Paul Tripp which blew me away and completely changed my view on my role as a mum, like you said we don't own them. I have been terrible for trying to control my eldest daughter who's 4 and have been so mean to her and need to restore our relationship. I know she loves me but I'm not her most favourite person unless she's tired. I tell her I love her but my behaviour towards her has said otherwise I'm sure. I will be checking our the resources you mentioned! You're a great mum! 💗
I began my parenting journey with a similar view point. My firstborn was a pretty obedient child, so I thought I was doing the right thing as a Christian parent. Then I read a book that changed my thoughts on the matter. Was my parenting attempting to mimic the relationship my Savior and King had with me? Was I spanked and controlled? Those thoughts rocked my world, but so much for the better.
Thank you for sharing your story! I am glad to have heard this. I am due with my first in a few months and the joy that you (and your sister!) have in parenting is something I want to have, too!
Your bravery is evident! Thank you for sharing. What an interesting twist in life. You started out struggling mightily but now have this platform to share your transformation and therefore, an ability to plant seeds of peaceful, respectful parenting. I come from a place of privilege because I have always been an AP/gentle mama. I really look up to you and your self exploration! What an incredible gift to not only your children but everyone around you & your future grandchildren! The ripple effects will be/are beautiful!
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m in the first stage you were in with spanking and yelling/needing control. I’ve known it feels wrong and hurts for awhile, but I haven’t really changed yet. I’ve started catching myself more and beginning the process of changing. My first daughter is 3 now and I know she needs me to change, and my youngest too. I love how you relate your children to neighbors. It’s so true, we don’t own them and I think how Jesus spoke to Mary in adulthood, even when He was in the temple while His parents searched for Him as a child, really showed how the parent/child relationship should be. I know He was literally God’s son, but it still relates. Like you said, our children belong to God. Thank you so much for sharing the resources that helped you too! I’ll be looking into them 🙂
