Just a little more insight. When it happens you feel gobsmacked #lifestyle #women #women_issues #advice #selflove #selfcare #over60 #retirement #retirementlifestyle #friendship
I had a close friend that I've known since i was 4 years old and he was a newborn baby. Seriously. I am in my mid 60's now. About 8 years ago, he stopped speaking to me over politics. Then several months later, he came back and acted like it never happened. I gave him grace. Then a couple years later, he did it again, and even blocked me on social media. We were Close friends for over 60 years! We went through our childhood together, marriages, divorces, careers, and even the death of our siblings and parents. And he ended it all over POLITICS! I was devastated at first, and I tried hard to fix it. Then one day it hit me: I deserve better. Way better. Now, i honestly wouldn't say hello to him if we ran into each other at the grocery store. At some point, we have to have enough dignity not to beg, or grieve, anymore.
Happened to me too. Ive lost three old, good friends because of politics. Im 65 and as a boomer growing up in Chicago, I remember as family and friends, we USED to be able to agree to disagree YET still be FRIENDS. NOT anymore. So sad.
It is shocking after years of friendship to see that someone will throw the relationship away for something so small. You are right about having dignity for ourselves.
@@laurahillauthor I think it's less about politics costing relationships and more about shallow people. But, yep, I wouldn't take him back if he begged.
Similar situations have resulted in finding truth in "the more I know people, the more I love my dog!" "Friends" that make you feel bad or doubt your worth are NOT friends!
She displays the traits of a narcissist. They lovebomb a new target to get supply (attention/interest/ approval). Then when that person isn’t new or exciting anymore and they have discovered the target isn’t perfect, they discard the new “friend”. Or they start tearing down the target’s self esteem. I have experienced this with family and a few “friends”. I don’t trust overly friendly people who I have just met anymore.
I just said this same thing in a post under this video. I am happy you understand what narcissism is. If only I had that information 50 years ago, a lot of pain would have been spared me. That goodness for the internet.👍🏼👏🏼🙌
@@hilltopvt Had a 'friend' that started out our final conversation with "you won't like this, but, I'm going to say it anyway" last conversation I hand with her. At 74 years old, I really don't feel a need to be coached on improving my personality or coping skills by non solicited unqualified amateur therapists! Move on and don't waste any more precious time!
@@susannehadden -- But shouldn't a true friend be able to speak the truth to another friend, even if you know they won't like it? I don't know -- I get both sides. We want it always to be nice -- but sometimes truth needs to be spoken. And if we can't take that truth from our friends who we know care about us, what is the point? Would you rather go through life with blinders on, not knowing? I had a friend with a serious problem, and I finally spoke the truth to her. All while telling her it was coming from a place of love.
Me too, and that hurts. I would love to be able to trust my friends, and I do to a certain extent. But ride or die is a dream. I understand that someone(s) hurt you badly, because it happened to me.
I had a really good friend who I met through work. We worked at 3 different jobs together. I anonymously helped her financially, as she was a struggling single mom. I watched her devastated time and again in relationships with men, when she rushed into being very serious, very quickly, without regard for her own value. She met the fifth guy, got engaged. He seemed so different to what she really deserved. I had a gentle, truthful conversation, trying to be a good friend looking out for her, asking if she should slow things down. She abruptly stopped talking to me outside of work. I was invited to the wedding. They are now divorced. After the divorce, she moved in with another guy, 2 states away. I never heard from her again. We were as close as sisters. Lesson learned: People who don’t value themselves can never value others.
I had a dear friend, whom I met at age 15. I am now 70. She ghosted me 2 years ago and I don't know why. I haven't had the courage to call and ask. It is one of the great sorrows of my life.
I am so sorry, maybe drop her a card and let her know how you are felling and that you miss her friendship atleast that might give you some closure. Sorry, I know how bad it hurts.
SAME HERE AFTER SO MANY TIMES OF SUPPORTING ASND LISTENING NOT TO MENTION THE DRAMA SELF ENTITLEMENT I NO LONGER CARE IT IS WHAT IT IS A ND YOU MUST LOOK TO ANOTHER INTEREST AND NEVER FORGET HUMANS ARE VERY FICKLE🤗👌💗
Dear one, are you certain she is still alive? I had a friendship, shorter than yours, but still lengthy. I thought she might have died, but she responded to my son's text. Then 2 months later when I texted her to tell her of my mother's death, she never responded.
@@thatswhatisaid8908sometimes believe it or not people get new phones and lose their contacts. We don’t remember phone numbers anymore. Not every case I realize, I have been genuinely ghosted in the past.
A dear friend of many years declined to drop me off at work when my car was being repaired because it was inconvenient (it was on her way). It stung very badly. And now I know where I stand with her. She was dear to me. I am not dear to her.
That is an awful feeling. Sometimes I'm afraid to 'need" anything for fear they wont come through. Those are the relationships I move quietly by methodically away from. Thanks for sharing
Nobody is going to honestly say "Hey, so I'm sorry but I'm moving on"; that is what a true friend would never do. They might fade out, come around less frequently, and the separation might happen organically due to changing interests. When someone cuts you out of their life in an instant, that person is usually someone who wants you to find everything about them to be interesting, fresh and new. They want to see the excitement of their life through your eyes. Once that passes and they've shown you all of it, the moment they stop seeing that dazzle radiate off you is the moment they walk away. They already scoped out a new bestie to shower with the amazement of themselves and struck the match to light a new all-about-me fire. They are narcissists, pure and simple. They never cared about you or they'd never even consider cutting you off in that fashion.
This happened to me twice. The first time my "friend" not only stopped communication with me, but would awkwardly act like she didn't know me in the grocery store. This friendship was predicated on her wanting my husband to get her husband a job at his company. When he finally got employment there, that was the end. The second time was when I was the jolly fat friend. I lost the weight, and my best friend dumped me. I was so puzzled with the first and truly hurt with the second one. I grieved. Currently I have no friends outside of my family.
This really resonated with me. I have only the kids. I had several good friends that only wanted friends with lots of problems, the fat friend and/or they could use for favors and money. They wanted the drama fix I imagine. So I understand and sympathize.
My best friend is my first husband first wife. It turned out we like each other more than we liked him. We both divorced him then he passed away and she and I became good friends. I am lucky.
And also this person did not SEE you as a friend. She saw you as a PROP in her ‘show/life’.🙁😕. You were just a prop. An accessory. An appliance to be used. You were never a real person.
Perhaps now you have a youtube channel she wants to be associated with you. I bet she regrets dropping you now you are well known. Narcs value stuff like that.
This happened to me 6 years ago, except the deserter was my now 32 year old daughter. No explanation so no closure, yet somehow I always knew that our "loving" relationship was one sided. My fault for spoiling her.
It took awhile, but I learned not to expect kindness from someone who was unkind to me in the beginning. Sometimes we just have to let people be and not let it get to us so much. Someone told me that the way people treat us has more to do with what is going on inside of them than anything about us, and that made me realize it is literally “not about me.” Blessings. 💕
My ex friend could not stand me having anything she didn't. I am autistic and choose no to have some things just to make her happy. We don't talk and I am happiest
It’s like gathering fb friends you can have hundreds of fb friends but are you really friends or just mere acquaintance. I noticed some people gather people in their lives as a validation that I have all these friends. I learned I’d rather have just a few good friends than hundreds of friends. And the best friend you’ll ever have is yourself. You have to love yourself and enjoy just being by yourself.
Helpful. My situation was more awkward as the person who ghosted me was also a siblings friend. After ghosting me they continued to have a friendship with my sibling. My sibling still mentions her knowing she ghosted me. I would rather not hear about her. Wierd situation!
Relationships are overrated. Stay single. Love YOU. I'm doing this this last year. Was in a long-term marriage. Narcissist and dangerous. I'm solo. Safe❤
This sounds like a bad romance. I had a friend of 20 yrs 'ghost' me several months ago. I ghosted her back, meaning after our last exchange, which was by text, I knew the friendship was over. She had gotten increasingly terse with me over the last couple months, then ignored my Bday and stopped calling me. I walked away (too) and never contacted her again. I don't want to hear her reasons because I know I didn't do anything to hurt her. I find floating away silently to actually be the better path, as I keep my dignity. Someone treating me rudely is reason enough for *me* to back away with no added drama.
I cut ties with a woman I considered my "best friend" after she lied & manipulated a situation regarding the sale of my deceased Mom's house. At the root of the problem was the fact that she's married to an alcoholic who is a narcissist. She has lost other friends due to his influence. Strangely, I felt a lot better after learning that another mutual friend was no longer friends with her due to narcissist husband's actions. I have a number of other really good friends who are not like her. She continues to reach out to another mutual friend trying to meet up with her & me. I have made it plain that a friendship is not possible. I also live in a small town & can run into her & have. I'm pleasant & nice but it's all surface stuff. She knows what she did & why the friendship is over. I really have no guilt about being done with her. It was kind of the last straw as some other things had happened in the past. She has to live with what she did & said.
I have had this happen to me so many times! I kind of expect it now. But I will never understand it. What is it about the people I come in contact with that just blank me out without a single thought or word of explanation? I could never do this to anyone. I have learned to like being by myself with hobbies and other interests. Having a good "friend" is rare and no matter how good a friend you are, it is the other person that has the problem. I have found that people use you as much as they can but do not feel the need to return your favors. I can't tell you how many times I have had people over, fed them and enjoyed them. But never have I ever even been offered a cup of coffee at their house. They only want to take advantage of my special hospitality but do not feel the least obligated to return the favor to me. Sadly, I don't even try anymore. Or shall I say if I meet someone I think I could be friends with, I reach out gently. If I get negative vibes, I have learned to walk away sooner. Some people just aren't interested and that fine. I move on. It can be lonely, but I happen to like my company and don't let it define me anymore.
I could have written what you just did no problem! I have hopefully stopped trying to help people that just want to gripe, I am not interested in listening to whining and griping. Sucker sign is off my forehead never to return (I hope)!
Something very similar happened to me years ago and when I was ghosted after longer than 3 months …it was several YEARS, it left me wondering what I had done wrong. I was under the impression we were close to soulmates. I tried to contact her several times and it was like a switch had been turned on and she shut me out. About 10 years later I saw her in a store and by then I was stronger and chose to go right up to say hello. She gave me the biggest hug and said she knew she’d ghosted me but was so afraid that we were getting too close and she had a pattern of this behaviour… afraid of being too close…she OWNED IT! I thanked her for her honesty and I walked away being appreciative… but never looked back.
For many women group settings seem to help. Taking classes, learning a new hobby or craft, library programs and even volunteering. It a chance to meet people who share the same interests. Looking for connections or acquaintances can sometimes lead to friendship but the connections are always good
I do, too. Maybe I should be like my neighbor who built a bar six feet from my bedroom window with free flowing kegs of beer. She and her husband have no shortage of “friends.” Yet she’s one of the most inconsiderate people I know.
My maid of Honor in my wedding just simply became wealthy by marriage and stopped speaking to me at all. In hindsight I could see this coming. She put on blue jeans before the photos were even taken. She didn’t really have time to be in the wedding. It went downhill after that. All efforts were on my part. We are 65. I haven’t seen her in probably 24 years. Meh.
I had a much younger friend but we had a lot in common and she was very considerate. I knew she liked to accumulate friends but she was really just networking. She did this with one young woman and she’d make dates and appointments but break them. My friend called this young woman to schedule a lunch date and the reply was, no thanks I don’t want to be your friend because frankly you’re a crappy friend. 😂 You make appointments that you never keep. I’ve been dying to say that to someone I’ve know for 38 years but my husband says that would be wrong.
Wow, this happened to me. It turned out that she was a Jehovah Witness. She was just trying to recruit me. When she saw I wasn't interested in joining that faith, she dropped me like a hot potato.
My best friend in childhood became a Jehovah's Witness around the age of 20. She cut everyone out of her life that was part of her previous life. Have never experienced such a hard blow. I'll never forget the "break up" conversation. You expect romantic relationships may come and go at that age, but not your best friend. It's still devastating when I think about it.
My circle of friends growing up was small and to be truthful, probably smaller than even I thought. Right after high school we all went our separate ways. Around that time my manager at work targeted me with friendship and I fell for it. Over the next year, she turned my life upside down, spread rumors about me, pretended to be a concerned friend and interfered in real developing friendships with other people. It was humiliating. I forgave myself for being so trusting and ignoring the red flags, but I learned from it. My friend circle is still small 40 years later.
There are friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for life. You two were friends for a reason...the reason ended. An example of a friends for a season : I was best friends with a neighbor in NC...we moved to GA...that ended that friendship. On the other hand I have some life long friends..not many but some...We have to put things in perspective.
@@st6576 What's your point? (That's a rhetorical question?) ..To play the victim? Consider yourself discarded and label the person who stopped calling a narcissist? We are adults..we need to act like it.... People we become friends with for a time, for a season, for a reason, don't owe us an explanation if they stop calling....people have their own issues...things that impact their lives...if they are friendly, engaging and then they disappear, maybe they are suffering, depressed, there are a lot of reasons...IF a person who has been a friend for life drops you, the first consideration should be concern for them...if you find out they dumped you for no good reason, then good riddance...don't play the victim. We've got far too many victims today...everybody's a victim...everyone else owes us something. Wrong. That's the problem...we tend to think much to much about how we feel. We need to act like mature adults and put our big girl panties on.
Omg, wow, this just happened to me…a 3 three year friendship. And out of no where ghosted me with no explanation..I was devastated. She wouldn’t even give me the respect of telling me why…I found out later from another friend, it was some stupid trivial reason. The worst was the not knowing why….so mean and disrespectful, it hurt to the core….❤
Over the years, I have learned some people are friends for a reason and/or season. The hurt of being dumped and not knowing why is hard, but in the end it it not worth my time to ponder over. Their loss.
Sometimes people ghost you because they simply just don’t enjoy spending time with you anymore . Life is too short to think you are going to be besties forever , think of the good times & move on with your life . Enjoy your own company & get some enjoyable hobbies.
I met a distant relative and I hung out with her and her husband. Sometimes I was uncomfortable because she would give me over the top compliments. Also unsolicited advice was given. She would push food on me when she knew I was on a strict diet, then be offended when I said I would throw it out. I generally did not care to contact this person anymore. She wanted to control other people.
I think you a really right about the control component. I think I felt tricked but in reality she wanted to control the relationship and once I gave in she moved on.
I am really really really appreciating your transparency s d vulnerability in Shari g theses stories! You are an amazing person…and ITS THEIR LOSS, and quite frankly stupidity too😅
I am glad you expanded on this topic Laura. Sometimes I don't think they are aware of the impact their behaviour has on others. If they did then they would hopefully apologise. Some people don't have the emotional bandwidth for really deep relationships. I am not condoning their hurtful behaviour but perhaps we need to look at their previous relationship record before we commit. I had a "friend" who once said to me that she was blessed to have me in her life [the hook] and then "accidentally forget" to invite me and hubby to several events at her home including her birthday party. When I questioned her about it she blocked me on social media!! That was many years and I have seen her repeat the same pattern with different people. I see it as emotional immaturity.
I agree and it is absolutely emotional immaturity. If I hadn’t been new I think I would have had other reference points. I’ve since learned that she targets the ‘new’ girl. Which is smart because after it happened who was I going to tell? I still really didn’t know but a few ladies. I was no risk.
GOOD STORY HERE. I don't trust people and I have good reasons but sometimes you are pleasantly surprised. I was training a young woman at work. She was in her 20s and I in my 40s at the time. About one month in, she invited me to her birthday party that very day, last minute. I didn't want to go because i didn't feel comfortable especially because i did not know her very well. She seemed very nice and i liked her but I didn't know her ver well. I ended up going and it has been like 8 years now. She is a sweet and lovely person who has been a good friend. I love her dearly ❤
Your channel is so interesting and highlights a unique shared human experience we all seem to have as women. I genuinely thought I was alone in having these painful and confusing friendship (and more often almost-friendship experiences). Friendships totally confound me at this point!
Love what you had to say. I very recently was 'friend bombed' by a lovely woman. then dumped. I got lucky. I made the connection between 'love bombing' and how similar these traits were to my 'friends ' behaviour. We all get fooled at least once in life. I am not blaming myself. But I was terrible hurt. Now I see her with her 'fresh victims' and I feel sorry for her and for them.
Dr. Sam Vaknin does an amazing job of explaining narcissistic personality disorder of which love bombing is a flag. I have found him very helpful . Wishing everyone 💗
I ghosted, or rather, immediately cut off all ties with a woman who I was friends with for 10 years. I held her hand through her mother and sister’s deaths, and then through her man cheating on her with someone 20 years younger. How did she repay my friendship? She decided on a whim to befriend a woman who had been trying to hurt my career. She even had the audacity to call and ask me if I minded they were hanging out together. That she even had to ask me that was a slap in the face. I told her she was a grown woman, make her own decisions. I hung up the phone, blocked her on every online platform and walked away. She knew exactly what she was doing by befriending my enemy. Miserable, jealous people try to tear down others around them, even those who have loved and supported them when no one else is around. Some people you just have to cut them off and leave it at that.
I experienced the same thing with a "friend". I had a supervisor that was constantly on me and trying to get me fired for no reason, other than jealousy. My very close friend decided to become friends with her. Huge RED flag. The same close friend also made a pass at the guy I was dating, (in front of me) The very last straw was when she went through my purse at work just to see what I had in there. That friendship ended and I quit that job. With friends like that who needs enemies. I was young then so I didn't have a lot of experience with female friends. I'm 60 now, so Ive got some years under my belt.
I had just moved to a small town. Met a really nice lady. We had a lot in common then, it happened. I thought I had done something. I called another friend who knew this lady much longer. She said she had hoped she quit doing that and that she had a pattern of attacking her knee friend after a few months. I guess most of us have to deal with something similar in this lifetime But the hardest one I dealt with was helping someone over and over for 30 years. So when I was called recently stating it’s so hard on her husband trying to keep up with house stuff before during after surgery. I kindly said I would pray for them. If we still talked, ii would have helped, but when you only hear from someone when they need something is hurtful. It seems these are normal problems.
Hi, just found your channel through the magic of youtube suggestions. I've had similar situations with temporary friends, and I always wondered what I 'did' to cause it. Your comments and perspective are very helpful. Thank you!!
For some people, the chase is the good part. I've seen it more in women. They seem to be unable to be fulfilled with a relationship as it matures. Rough way to live.
I stopped speaking to my “best” friend from high school in our early 30’s. After many occurrences of hurtful acts (when we turned 21, we had planned to spend the night together- she chose her terrible sister and another friend (probably because a guy we both liked, liked me), didn’t invite me to her wedding, didn’t show up at all when at 28 i had my tonsils out as a single mother to a 10 year old (I subsequently hemorrhaged twice and needed an additional surgery- literally no one helped me), amongst other events) another high school friend told me Shirl had been calling her to talk about me, my private decisions about my spirituality, and to LAUGH at me behind my back. That was it!!!!! Shirl was not my friend. She got the hint that I wasn’t speaking to her anymore eventually. The other friend begged me to keep talking to Shirl but why would I?? If Shirl couldn’t figure out what she did wrong- she’s not worth my time explaining it to her. Sometimes people are “ghosted” for a reason. If you got ghosted, be honest with yourself and try to figure out what your responsibilities are. But sometimes, it really isn’t your fault. 💖
Sorry about what happened to you. The gal I knew had the pattern she did it to many other women in our town after me. But word had gotten around. Most women steer clear now. I was just one of several. I’ve learned
i recently shared my true feelings with a friend. i did it as kindly as i could. i believe a strong friendship should have honest communication. i would not have minded if she had done the same with me.
Same situation. Friend of 50 plus years. Unfortunately, distance has taken its toll on the friendship, and the other person's complete lack of interest in the others life. I've become just the place where she dumps mostly made up family gossip, gets her attention needs met, doesn't ask one question about my life, and then hangs up. She remembers everything thru rose-colored glasses, with her as the hero in every situation, regardless of the truth. Too many personal betrayals and a lack of empathy. She abuses her health and then wants to detail and discuss every health issue she has, even though she makes no personal effort to improve her health. Its difficult when you look back on a friendship and realize they weren't a very good friend to you. Its painful on both sides.
She is not truly nice, I have know women like this is all about them and what they need and how they are precited. When you no longer suit their need they are done with you, that is not a good person.
Only allow friendship to grow slowly.People can present as anything they want and when you realise they are not for you,it is so upsetting to have to withdraw.I have been caught in this trap and now I am very cautious with new friendships.Be careful when a new potential friend starts telling you all the terrible things that have happened in their lives.Usually they are unable to see that perhaps the choices they have made have lead to this litany of disasters.Such people really are looking for sympathy and self affirmation and can be draining and destructive of you.Avoid at all cost.
Love bombing and then ghosting is some pretty awful classic narcissistic behaviour. I've finally figured it out at age 71 after being hurt by it many times.
Some grow increasingly toxic as they age, subjecting others to their life disappointments over and over again. When they can’t let go ALL relationships suffer. As I’ve aged I don’t have the energy to counter repetitive rationalizations.
I look like the bad guy is the break up of my friend and I. But it started long before the break. She could never stand me having anything i had that she didn't. I am autistic and fawned a lot just to keep her.
She would not be nice to my son to a third party I didn't know that he worked with. That was it I was done. The her husband died suddenly and a was the last to know and not needed. I waited 6 months then I pushed her away so she ghosted me. I thought she would have asked why I was mad. She didn't and the relationship is done. I miss her but we r both better off
You're describing what narcissists do. They are NOT nice at their core. They are evil and get off on hurting you. No contact is the remedy. They like to hoover former victims. Don't give them any chance.
I've been watching some of your videos. I just came across them recently. You sound like a really nice lady. I'm sorry this happened to you with this friend. I've had some very similar things happens to me. In fact, I'm going through one right now. Not quite sure what to do about it, but I'll figure it out. You're right, it can hurt when it looks like a new girl friend you've made decides to drop you and doesn't tell you.
You were “supply” for this narcissistic lady. If you don’t know what supply is, please look it up. I think it will be very enlightening for you. All the new friends that she later dumps are just supply for her weak ego. What she did to you and others is classic narcissistic behavior. They are very damaging to others.
Wow I’ve watched this video and had one of those ah ha moments it wasn’t a friend it was my step-daughter in law. At first when I got together with my now husband she was all over me and made me feel welcome into the family we used to do birthday and Christmas gifts for each other then Once I was married she done the complete 360 the birthday and Christmas stopped. We live about an hour away she always had an excuse to avoided visiting even when my stepson visited with the grandkids she wasn’t there. When we were through she chatted away as normal making me think it was all me but as the years went on and there was still no sign of her I began to doubt myself thinking it must be me. It’s took me a while to realise and let go what I thought we had. I think I was a novelty and it wore off. I think it was similar to what you experienced with the‘friend’ it took a while but I had stopped blaming myself and your experience has made me realise I was an idiot for all my sleepless nights… we live and learn thank you
My best friend became my sister in law and then systematically turned every one of my immediate family members against me....she "single white femaled" me (remember the movie with Bridget Fonda?)...and even turned my parents against me. Crazy.
I had the friend dropper. The other one is the one who needs you to need them. Once you don’t them anymore they drop you. That sounds like your former friend.
I had a boss like this… could see, after I was hired and worked there for a few months, she just moved on to the new shiny person, would get personal and absorbed by the person and move all the attention to the next new person. If didn’t feel like any professional relationships I had with a boss previously and didn’t feel healthy. Down the road some of the red flags that came from her were: 1) her announcing at a Christmas function the nature of being a family at work and trust and how she’s working on trust, and 2) stating to me that the her boss thought I didn’t fit in when I had all but one conversation with him. To be fair, I had moved from California state to Washington and besides already the negative bias and stigma Washingtonians had for Californians, I was also very different from the people there. You mentioned moving from the east coast Texas and I would guess there is also a difference and barrier there that kept you on the outside to some degree despite Texans being very friendly (as they seem to be to your face on the surface… I have a friend that moved to Texas and heard some differences).
Thanks for the interesting take. Hadn’t thought about it but yes where you come from can really affect how others perceive you. Gosh in Texas they even say, “Don’t California My Texas” guess that happens all over the country
I think we all want that Norman Rockwell image of friendship, family, neighbors, etc. But I think the reality is that people are so complex that it makes some, if not all, of those things difficult...or even impossible. I'm really sorry you experienced this with someone you thought was a friend. Makes it hard to trust anyone again. The woman you described could be hiding something. That could be why she is a serial friendship maker...but doesn't stick around. Maybe she's afraid to let people get too close to her and has a fear of disappointing people if they get to know her too intimately; that they won't think she's fabulous anymore. I say that because I knew someone like this.
This woman’s behavior almost seems like ADHD or bipolar traits, in a way. If you’ve ever met someone with unmanaged bipolar disorder, this kind of behavior is common. It’s like you are almost the tool for the “high” or the dopamine chase when you’re the “new thing.” It’s always very intense from the get-go and then suddenly “poof”…gone. Unmanaged ADHD can present as “flakiness”-a lot of no-shows or chronically late, for example. And there can be a lot of shame around that for the ADHD person, so they simply never address it, and so they find it easier to just disappear. Not making excuses for the behavior at all, but a lot of folks didn’t even grow up with the language to describe this behavior and certainly don’t have the skills to cope.
My guess is that if the woman had called you and said "I don't want to be your friend anymore," it would have still hurt, you would have still doubted yourself, and you would have still walked away from the relationship without any satisfaction how it played out. Further, you couldn't have made her the villian if she'd had the character to come and say it to your face. And is that really even showing character? Seriously. Saying to someone's face "I just don't like you any more" or "I'm not interested in you any longer," or "I want to move on to someone else more exciting?" That actually sounds kind of callous to me. I also think you had your warning. The love bombing. Not that you were to blame. But nothing good ever comes when it comes as a race to the finish.
I think when they shared too much too deeply then they become afraid of you. This has happened to me. They are afraid you will repeat something. Maybe. Hmmm
That’s why so many women leave friends behind when they get divorced, they’ve made the mistake of over sharing their personal problems. I agree with you
I’ve had a friend since grade 8 for 30 years. Her husband & I were opposite on the political spectrum and I was fine with it but apparently he was not. It was about 10 years ago when I went back home for a visit and called/texted/emailed for us to meet up….I was ghosted. I guess my opinion on politics or who knows what made the decision for them that I wasn’t welcome anymore. Last week I find out, from another friend, that her mom died; I liked her mom. I found the online memorial and leave a note of condolences. She replied. After being ghosted for over 10 years, I really don’t care anymore. If she comes back, she showed me who she was, and I’ve lost all respect for her.
For me personally, there is no going back after being ghosted by someone for a significant period of time. They have already shown they do not value you and should not be given an opportunity to do it again.
Please take a moment to listen to part one. This happened about 27 years ago. So lots of lessons learned❤❤ ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-MYdLpIVTjAM.htmlsi=Yu3RNOFNXTZBS0v8
Ms. Laura, I have watched your Part 1 and 2 of this topic. You just mentioned that some people get into a “pattern” of sometimes doing things that are not right or healthy. This doesn’t sound like a pattern.🙁. This sounds like a narcissist-this is a Personality Disorder that is part of the Cluster B disorders recognized in the DSM3 and 4. I don’t want to say that this is done on purpose, but these people are legitimately UNABLE to have any stable relationship. If you are interested in this, look into Dr. Ramani/Rammani. She is licensed therapist and psychologist. There is also Jerry Wise who is also a Family Systems Therapist. I find it easier to accept the actions of these intrinsically disordered people when I understand WHAT is driving their behaviors. 🙁. You simply got too close and she felt vulnerable with you. A narcissist can never feel vulnerable with anyone. They live their life as a Actor. They do not know HOW to be real.😔🙁.
You are correct. I steer clear of that word only because I’m not qualified but I hope women can see the patterns I think it’s an easier concept But yes you are exactly correct. Thanks for the comment
What’s your opinion on recognizing older women who still need an entourage? I am hyper aware of that as I get older and try to steer clear. I have been burned in the past …
I appreciate your comment and giving the channel a listen. This happened 27 years ago and thought sharing the experience might help others. Alot older and wiser now and love my friends❤but guess we have all learned lessons along the way
@@laurahillauthorI believe we must all learn from our experiences. Friends and meaningful friendships are supposed to enrich our lives. The general idea is they will carry us through good times and bad; loosely speaking a bit like a marriage! You are not talking about casual acquaintances but people who identify with us…. I’ve only recently come across your channel and it is very enjoyable.
You are so sweet to characterize it in such a Polly Ana manner.. they are just jack asses that we looking for a new host for their deplorable mindset and morality
You sound like a person who has few friends because friends need to be useful to you rather than take effort to put in the time and effort to cultivate a real friendship. This woman wanted and did put in the effort for a friendship and not just a one way street
Thanks for your comment and for giving the channel a try. I hope you checked out Part 1. It tells the story of what happened. But yes it was 27 years ago so a lot learned since then❤
I try to remember that people who are insecure or narcissistic aren't always aware of what they are doing or how they are treating people. I have learned to simply not give more in a friendship than what the other person is giving. I've also learned that simple things like my being willing to drive a farther distance to meet up with a friend or doing more favors than they do for me sends them a message that I'll do more in the friendship than they'll do. I hate to be "tit-for-tat", but I find myself being this way now. I may have recently lost a friend of about 7 years because she asked me to supervise contractors at a house she is selling in my city (she used to live here too which is how we met). I told her that I was not comfortable being in her house with strange contractors I don't know. She later apologized for asking but I haven't heard from her since. I am proud of myself for telling her no because there was a time in my life when I would have done it. I had already done her a couple of favors during the course of our friendship but I'd never asked any favors of her. I prefer friends who I can enjoy conversation, hobbies and interests with who don't want favors that they'll never have the opportunity to return to me. I start to feel used when friends start asking me for favors.
You did the right 5hing.We women spend our lives being pleasers.Where does it get us?Undervalued and taken for granted!I have learnt to say no and not feel guilty.
I had a much younger friend but we had a lot in common and she was very considerate. I knew she liked to accumulate friends but she was really just networking. She did this with one young woman and she’d make dates and appointments but break them. My friend called this young woman to schedule a lunch date and the reply was, no thanks I don’t want to be your friend because frankly you’re a crappy friend. 😂 You make appointments that you never keep. I’ve been dying to say that to someone I’ve know for 38 years but my husband says that would be wrong.
