HARMFUL MORMON TEACHINGS: SEX 

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The day I found this channel was the day I put in my resignation with the church, the day this video comes out I officially became an exmormon . 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

I have married friends who I've had to sit down and explain what marital rape is because they've already described it to me in their sex lives. It makes me so so sad.

My Young Womens group once had an activity where we wrote down questions for the priesthood leaders, the bishop and first counselor, etc., to answer. I asked if people could get into the celestial kingdom if they chose not to have children. They tried to dodge the question at first, but eventually said that you couldn't get into the celestial kingdom without having children, unless you were physically unable. This horrified me because I didn't, and don't, want children and I realized that this probably caused many kids to be born into abusive or financially lacking homes because the parents are taught that they have to have kids, even if they don't want to or don't have the means. I left the church a few months after for that and many other reasons and am living happily with my entire family of exmormons.

This video is so important for anyone who's been damaged by Mormon teachings about sex, which is everyone who's ever been a Mormon. I could say so many more things about how damaging it was for me in my life, but that sounds exhausting. So I'll just say thank you so much for putting this out there, and I wish every Mormon could take what you are saying to heart and begin the journey to true freedom.

I left the church in December, at 47 years old. I’m old enough to be your parents, but your channel is helping me heal from the decades of spiritual trauma. I deeply appreciate you showing the ridiculousness of things I believed so deeply. Your humor helps to take away the sting.

My mom cried over orgies. ORGIES. I am 16 years old and I was not allowed to go watch Thor: Ragnarok in the theater because there is a scene in which they get on a "party ship" and its implied that the Grandmaster has orgies on the ship. When I brought up to my mom that it was a stupid reason to not let me see a show, and that I hear much worse at school, she deadass started crying because "intimacy is supposed to be a sacred thing between one man and one woman" It was the most bizarre thing I've ever experienced.

Thank you for covering this. I was raised mormon and was sexually abused as a child. A bishop visited the offender in prison and decided they would not excommunicate him. Most of my family believed that i, as a 7-9 year old, must have also been guilty. One person actually said that what happened to me wasnt that bad and that it would prepare me for life. Thanks Mormonism. Interesting that the church would support the man in "his time of trial" since he was a return missionary and not do much but say sorry to a child.

The one thing I could never get over is how engraved into my brain growing up to be a wife and mother was my entire life in the church. Almost every lesson, activity, even song mentioned becoming a wife/mother. Then, as I grew into my teen years my mother was baffled at why I was so “boy crazy” and seemed to think and talk about nothing but boys and going on dates. I can’t recall a single time hearing about working on myself, what brought me joy, or heavens forbid pursuing a career. Of course I was “boy crazy” when I had been brain washed into holding a god damn wedding above all else in my life. That obsession, coupled with abstinence only sex education was a horrible mix after leaving the church in my late teens, and soon led me to become a single mom to a baby I was not prepared for. I’m happy to say, she is in every way my greatest joy, and I wouldn’t change the path my life has taken, but I can’t help holding a bit of bitterness toward my mother and the church for not teaching me to work on myself and to figure out what I wanted in life while I had the chance.

Me feeling absolutely no guilt after having “premarital” sex was a big indicator for me that I needed to start following my own internal compass as far as what I considered moral and not just keep following what had always been spoon fed to me growing up (LDS).

I was UNBELIEVABLY sexually repressed growing up. Like to the point that I would avoid looking at my own body in the mirror when I would get in the shower. I was taught to be ashamed of my body, that the natural sexual feelings were wrong and of the devil. I was NEVER given "the talk" or anything related to that. I *still* have things I need to reprogram about what I was taught about sex. Growing up I was terrified about my wedding night because the cognitive dissonance between sex is evil until after you're married and then sex is good never made sense in my brain. Having to avoid anything sexual up until the wedding night... why wouldn't I be scared of my wedding night? After years of conditioning that sex is evil up until a straight marriage in a temple, how do you turn that off in one day? I imagine that's a common thing. It makes me sad to think about how awful that must be to navigate as a couple with zero knowledge or preparation for it. To end, the point you made about boys being told they had a porn addiction, I had a bf in high school who was told he had a porn addiction because he was having a harder time repressing his sexual desires....... BIG SIGH

If Mormonism raised you in a healthy fulfilling way physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually, socially, etc. I wouldn’t have an issue with it. But I see the ulterior motives and the dishonesty and manipulation and it enrages me that I fell victim to that and all my loved ones are still blindly following and too scared to leave.

i would absolutely hate it when my own family members would shame me for looking too sexual. prior to my transition i dressed very feminine to closet myself, but even my own father would tell me to cover up because it was "too distracting". MY OWN FATHER saying that i, his teenage child, was too distracting had me disgusted.

Can you please make a video discussing the Mormon belief that if you're more "worthy" you're more protected? I grew up LDS and was taught that the more righteous you were, the more "protected" you were from harm. For example...if someone was inactive and not paying tithing and something happened like a car accident ... LDS would blame it on not being righteous....but if a "righteous" person went through a similiar struggle it was labeled a "trial" given as a gift from God to test and strengthen his obedient soldiers. Would love if you guys discussed!!

Thank you so much for making this. This is one of the top reasons I left. I was half in the church when I started having safe and consensual sexual experiences. I felt so alone in it all because I was experiencing so much joy in being intimate with someone but I couldn’t share it with any of my Mormon family or friends. And that’s when I started to realize that happiness outside of the “gospel” was possible and made so much more sense for me.

TW When I was 11 years old I told my mom about a specific instance in which I was groomed online. She told me that I “cheated on my future husband” and I had to talk to a terrifying bishop about it. It’s been 7 years now, but I’ll never forget it. It’s horrifying to think about how many victim-blaming, disgusting people like my mother this vile cult has created. Anyways, thank you guys so much for your incredible content.

Exmo here. The night before my cousin’s wedding (she was 19 and I was 17), I was baffled by how unprepared and ignorant she was. I had to explain to her that she WAS still a virgin and was NOT unworthy to marry just because she’d used fucking tampons before. All the while, I was doing my best to answer her questions without revealing that I understood more about sex than she probably ever will.

I was raped on my wedding night and many times after. 10 years of abuse followed because we had been married in te temple. So awful! Divorced and healing now.

What a great topic! This is very close to home, actually. I am a victim of sexual abuse and, like you said, the sexual act was not a great trauma to me. What traumatized me was the fear of people finding out I masturbated. Interviews terrified me because I knew I would be asked about the law of chastity. Interestingly, when I finally managed to open up to my bishop about it, he told me to not take the sacrament and I tried hard to stop for years. It almost kept me from going on my mission. In my last interview before my mission, he asked me about it and I almost lied. I decided to tell the truth and he told me that if I had said that I had stopped masturbating, he would have ripped up my mission papers. Anyway, fast forward about two years and I get home and talk to my new bishop about the same thing. I say that I had already avoided taking the sacrament and he says, "who told you not to take the sacrament?" Then the interview was over. I was totally confused by the discrepancy in their reactions. Thanks for talking about this very important subject!

When I was around 7 I had this cute little white dress with blue flowers all over it and wide straps, but technically no sleeves. It was really hot out and I didn't want to wear a cardigan over it and be sweaty all 3 hours at church, or wear a t-shirt under it and look dorky/be too hot. So my dad actually let me go with just the dress on, and I remember feeling comfortable and pretty in it, but once we got to church he made a comment to me that I don't exactly remember, bu was something basically reminding me that it wasn't good to be immodest and he hoped I didn't feel uncomfortable knowing I wasn't being modest. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed and there was nothing I could even do at that point until we went home! So I spent the day sweating for a different reason, stressed out and feeling embarrassed and ashamed, trying to keep my arms crossed to cover myself. This memory makes me so angry! The shame that is ingrained in Mormon children and youth about their bodies feeds right into some extremely unhealthy and negative self talk, which I struggled with well into my late 20's. Anyway, this is getting long, but I just feel so passionate about this topic and I really appreciate the conversation you're having and sharing with the world!

This is so IMPORTANT. Please don’t stop speaking up about this! ❤️❤️❤️

I remember not being allowed to go on the Nauvoo trip because I prefer to wear leggings instead of jeans. Apparently leggings were too inappropriate because there were boys going on the trip. Didn't go.

I've quite recently come to the conclusion that the church isn't true and still feel guilty looking at completely unsexual things relating to lgbtq. As an ace I also easily accepted the "sex is evil" doctrine; I remember crying because I was afraid of having sex when I became married.

oh my god, I've said this before, but I'm so glad that I have your channel to help me channel and deal with my anger and triggering memories due to growing up in Utah County in a small, white, very very Mormon town and neighborhood. I got in a heated argument when I was 16 with one of my young women's leaders about modesty and how its OUR job as sisters to dress modestly and not tempt our priesthood holding brothers. I was getting so triggered because she was saying (with an audience of a dozen mostly 12-14-year-old girls) that our divine role at the age we were at was to keep the young men in our lives- future missionaries- on a path to righteousness by our dress and actions. She also said that they basically can't help their thoughts and before they even HAVE those thoughts, we as sisters need to prevent them. I left the girls camp dinner when she starting using the analogy of a diet. She said (to all these young teen girls) "If you were on a diet and your parents bought all of your favorite treats and candy and junk food, would you appreciate that? If they deliberately made it harder for you to keep on your diet? Or would you want them to support you and make it easier by keeping HEALTHY food in the house as not to tempt you?" Fuck that. The worst part about that is that two months prior to that girl's camp, I had been assaulted and later down the line blamed for it because I wasn't keeping all my commandments. Yeah, fuck the Mormon church. I could go on all day. Thanks for letting me have a safe place to vent my anger

13:17 actually made me cry. The church stole those parts of me. It made me repressed and small. It will take me years to feel whole again.

I’m not Mormon nor LGBT myself. I am British, and my interest in your content comes from the fact that I lived in Utah for three months, in a Mormon household. I think what you are doing here on your channel is so important, and could literally be a lifeline and a lifesaver for young Mormons who are pushed towards mental illness by being told that perfectly natural feelings are ‘Satan tempting them’ etc.. Bravo, Samantha and Tanner, for the important work you are doing. Keep it up!

I’m not even an ex Mormon but I just adore watching you guys. 😊

When my extremely Mormon family found out I had lost my virginity they acted like I shot up a school my mom couldn’t look, speak, or be near me for almost a week after

I was at a family reunion at breakfast wearing some nike shorts and my aunt asked my parents to tell me to change. I was at a FAMILY REUNION with no one but family but now a lot of my cousins are creepy and sexual bc they repressed it so much to the point where they start trying to go after their cousins it’s disgusting

Growing up bishops interviews were always the most anxiety inducing experience. It always felt like you have to look good to the church so you have to learn to lie well. I don’t know if I ever realized there were people who the church didn’t teach to lie until I got out.

Can you guys include a little bit about how you’ve overcome this conditioning since leaving? I still find it very hard to focus during anything sexual or intimate because the shame still gets to me and I just can’t fully enjoy it. Sorry if TMI, thanks! Love you both! 💗

As a trans girl who hadn't realized who I was yet, the Church's teachings about sex were incredibly harmful. Even now, having been out of both the church and the closet for over two years, I still haven't been able to fully figure out how much of my trauma is from my religious brainwashing and how much is the result of gender dysphoria, which is frustrating because I need to deal with those things in very different ways. It disgusts me to remember how normal, or even praiseworthy, my desire to mutilate my own body seemed.

It started when I was only four. My sister, 13 years older and who had left the church, bought me a halter top with shorts. I loved it so much. My brothers saw me in it and freaked out, shielding their eyes, and told my mom to make me take it off. They were 7 and 9. My mother never let me wear it again and chastised my sister. There are so many stories I could share, the last time I went to church was when in young women we were told we were responsible for men's sin if we weren't modest. My daughter just asked me the other day, "yeah, but were you ever really Mormon?" in response to me mentioning something about Mormons. I think she doesn't understand how even just 15 years in the church how much you can be impacted. Even after I stopped going at 15, my parents didn't and the hang ups about sex and modesty were still very much in my psyche. I was risque because I wore bikinis and mini skirts but I was still uncomfortable with low cut shirts and men's gaze. The worst thing was I didn't know my basic biology until maybe 21 and I was scared to death of a person, even a doctor, seeing my vagina. Even if you stop believing in the church and the imaginary sky daddy, you never completely get rid of the unconscious reactions and emotions you suffer from the brainwashing of a high demand religion.

Thank you so much for the bit at 8:13 . I hadn't even acknowledged til now how much that is ME and it means so much. Its really really reassuring to hear someone else say its normal to have not been hating it or kicking and screaming or anything. It feels weird to realize I feel more fear now remembering it than I did at the time it happened. So it really takes off a huge burden to hear someone else say that's normal and even common. Thank you so much.

ZELPH I love you guys, I click instantly when I see a new video❤❤❤

Growing up I heard the phrase 'the natural man is an enemy to God' over and over again. Looking back now I can see how hideous and damaging the effect of that was. I'm still untangling myself from that as I'm learning to feel more comfortable with my sexuality. It helped that I fell in love with a woman after my divorce because I had to confront how unhappy I was in the church and it helped me to leave. I'm now in a very loving and sexually expressive partnership with a man (I'm bisexual) and can say honestly that this is the happiest I've been. It's been a very long journey but leaving the church has turned out to be one of the best things I ever did. Sorry not sorry.

13:17 - Ex-mormons so angry - "you turned me into this tiny, fragmented, broken thing..." Powerful words. So sad. But at least people who have been through it are beginning to speak their truth.

I feel the power of the BROOCH! Thank you for making this video! It took me 30 years to figure this stuff out.

You guys are amazing!!! Just came across your channel after watching Mike Norton's video about you guys. I've already watched all your videos. As an ex-mo myself, I know exactly how these teachings about sexuality can permanently damage a person's ability to have a healthy sexual relationship with themself, let alone someone else. You guys are spot on with the shame cycle. I myself suffered from a "pornography addiction" when I was younger. Having to meet with my bishop about my "masturbation problem" was fucking humiliating. Being pressured to attend LDS 12 step was fucking humiliating. All this because I was taught how to improperly manage my sexual feelings and desires. I love you guys, you are both beautiful humans and you are truly doing great work. Thank you for doing what you do and keep blasting it!!! One love!

New follower and obsessively watching all of your videos

Tanner is so aesthetically pleasing

I greatly enjoy you both. I've watched the Provos Most Eligible multiple times and am making my way through all of your videos.

I just found your channel and I love it. I'm in the process of "coming out" as not Mormon to my family and this is such a great resource. Thank you

Yay. A new series!

Tanners visible anger and discomfort at the sexual assault point Sam made, shows how much of a gentle loving, man he really is, loved this beautifully done x

My mom told me I looked like "a 24 year old Instagram floozy looking for a lay" when I was 14 because I had makeup on. She's also told me that it was my fault when my only straight brother took one of my bras and hid it in his room for three months. I've also been told that learning how to dress my body type was "ungodly" like it's not my fault I have natural curves sister Jones, God.

At 16 years old I was raped twice, one by a man 10 years older (he was not a member and a court case was filed). I went to my Young Women’s leader, afraid I was pregnant, she not only reported to my bishop but the whole ward found out. I was made to repent and brought before a disciplinary council and punished by sacrament restriction for some time...all while being told I’m a victim and not being punished for being raped. I went on to be victimized again and am still dealing with the brainwashing even after marriage and walking away from the church.

This video is SO TRUE. "I feel bad even spelling the word..." 😂😂😂

I am not a Mormon, but I live in a christian village were most people hate gay people. I am gay and I came out to my family and tow of my friends, my family doesn't want me to be like this, and they say that I can change and that I should work on myself to change. It hurts me seeing my dad sad about my sexuality, I knew from before that he hated gay people and him knowing that his son is gay made him very sad. Now he is better, he still doesn't like it but at least he is no longer sad about it. I hate the position that I am in, there is a boy that I am in love with, but I can't tell him, if one person knows about me everyone will. I hate the word gay a lot, that is because I all my life heard this word with other words like sinful, evil, weird, unnatural, that is why whenever I say out load the words I am gay, I fell like I am the worst person alive, that I am bad, even though I have tried my best to change I failed, so I am a failure as well. I am very confused and lost in my life now, soon I'll need to make a choice between my family and friends and my love life, I can't have it all. Anyway, thanks for your videos, they make me feel better about myself, knowing that there are people who might accept me for who I am.

I was told by my bishop to read the book called Miracle of Forgiveness. I cried so much when I read it. I thought I'd get a good feeling like I did the right thing and repented, but instead i felt so much shame and felt God hated me and would never accept me.

Growing up as a 10 year old convert in the church, I didn't ever have a "sex education" either but I did pay attention in health classes in high school because it was the only education offered. I'm lucky that my boyfriend (now husband) answered all my questions. It just breaks my heart to hear our Mormon friends who are MARRIED not wanting their significant other to do ANY foreplay because they feel "bad" or "naughty" or "damned.

Tanner I am so happy to see that you bought the amazing "Oh My God from the dressing room" pants from your previous thrifting video. I absolutely love the shirt and pendant you paired with them.

Wow what a topic. It's funny because I find your videos really intriguing, informative and comforting discussing many Mormon topics but not usually deeply emotional. This video made me feel extremely emotional and although I have mentioned before I believe mormon churches teaching on sex are incredibly harmful I didn't realise how deep those feelings went. Growing up I remember coming out of those house with a t shirt and a denium skirt above the knee to go to movies with my family and my dad said angrily that I looked like a tramp and was asking for trouble and couldn't believe I would leave the house that way. There was extream shame growing up in my family about anything intimacy related. My older sibling had "struggled" with these issues and as a result of that from 15 I was not even allowed to sleep over at my best friends house who was also a girl who lived next door, I couldn't attend any type of party, I basically became very introverted and put all my effort into sports to cope which ended in glandular fever and chronic fatigue because I never stopped training which they thought was a great way of avoiding the outside world. I was not even allowed to go to movies without my parents. From 15/16 + I refused to attend church because I couldn't cope with how shameful it made me feel and I was also quite a logical kid and did not believe that there was one true religion. After I got sick and my high school boyfriend that my parents didn't know about which brought all sorts or terrible realtionship experiences as I never had anyone to talk to about it, moved overseas for a sporting scholership I got talked into coming to a church activity. I blamed myself for my sickness and thought God had given it to me so I could be brought back in into the church and pretty much realise my sins and find my true meaning in the church. I was encouraged to date very strongly and after meeting a returned missionary convert I thought we would have a better understanding of each other. Poor 18yr old decision. We would kiss and he would ejaculate and then not talk to me for a week bwcause he couldn't have more self control he would feel negative and angry towards me. Anyway he would see his bishop and be told to either get married or brake up and would not allow him to take the sacrament which made him feel extremely shamed. He was then told we could not have a temple marriage for nothing other then ejaculating while kissing fully clothed on a couch. After our parents finding our who would also feel extremely shamed and after them going up the authority ladder the allowed us to have a temple marriage. I was never asked about our actual realtionship was it healthy did I love him was I comfortable just told okay you better get married. So after less than a year in total we were married to someone 6 yrs older and didn't understand what a healthy loving respectful marriage was. Married just after I turned 19. Came home from my honeymoon and began being emotionally abused immediately, tried to seek help but was told it's an eternal marriage and I need to stop being sensitive and make it work and support my husband. If i would deny sex my husband would get very angry and accuse me of not loving him, despite him constantly making me feel demeaned and less than him. Was constantly told i was not spiritual enough and no matter what I did it was not enough for him. Now I get it he just needed to keep me as less than him so he could feel in control of me. Had four children by the time I was 26. Thank Goodness he had experiences that lead him to searching and finding answers to Mormon history which over 2 years of hell and heart ache we were finally able to leave the church together. One of the constant things he would say to me is if I left the church you would never be faithful enough to stay, it's all up to me your not faithful. Despite my insistent reading, prayer and study of religion. As a whole he made the decisions and nothing I said or did had any value. It's a mess now we are so different down to the core but we have four children and to leave now without the support of family or a degree because everything I ever did was to help him build his career. The only thing I feel like I can do is call him out on his emotional abuse more often which he is accepting he does for the first time in our marriage. But I have to say without a eternal perspective it's much harder to stay married to someone you know is completely wrong for you. So theres a few ways mormon intimacy and sex shaming messed up our lives. Luckily life has become allot better outside of the church he has lessened his grip and judgements allot. We still have a long way to go but the teachings boys learn about having power over women, sexual and non sexual the right to judge and blame sexual sin on others is truly sad.

Thanks for speaking up!

I thought my body was deformed because I was never taught about anatomy while in the church. We had basic sex Ed classes at school, yeah, but not enough to know that my body, as a woman, had so many intricate parts to it that aren’t deformed or unnatural or a sin just to have. I ended up doing a lot of research on my own, looking up diagrams and reading essays, and I learned that my body wasn’t deformed, but then I felt sinful and shameful for having looked up those things, because it was like porn. I didn’t even look at real pictures, just drawn diagrams. But in the church, it’s all the same.

When I was 17, my parents found out I was having sex with my boyfriend after cleaning my car and finding a condom wrapper, then subsequently reading my journal that contained my frustrations, insecurities, and experiences that were deeply personal. They cut off all of my communication to the outside world, not even allowing me to make phone calls on the landline or use the internet for homework. I was constantly berated unjustly. It has been over a year and I'm moving out in a month to go to college. I'm so grateful that I was able to deal with the trauma and become the bigger person in the relationship with my parents in a lot of ways. If anyone else is in a similar situation, don't lose your head and find a community in whatever way you can. Remember that there's nothing wrong with you and you don't deserve that kind of treatment ❤

11:53 You both make some really great points here. You don't have all that guilt and shame dumped on top of you only to have it suddenly flip like a light switch simply because you've gotten married. And that is so sad to hear that so many Mormon couples have such terrible if not nonexistent sex lives because of all the indoctrination.

I've been trying really hard to work on my views of sex. Having adult friends that don't believe in this crap of 'sex is super sacred, and you shouldn't talk about' really helps. I don't think I can tell my mom that I've slept with three people in one month. Which hurts me that I can tell her that stuff, because I know she will judge me. It hurts me the most seeing the church take a hold on her and render her critical thinking skills. She is so smart and caring and I love her so much. I don't know where I'm going with this, I'm super tired right now.

I was so confused on how sex worked that I had looked it up on the internet then became addicted to porn and felt terrible about it. Never confessed to a bishop until I got to college where he asked really uncomfortable questions and that's one of the things that started my journey to becoming an ex Mormon. Also when I came out to my mother she said I like girls because I watch too much porn. So there's that too. So fucking messed.

Gotta add - when it comes to thumbnails - your channel is *A M A Z I N G!*

I joined the church years after that talk given by Scott. I’m outraged! Suddenly so steadfast in my decision of leaving. I was always wary of the treatment of women and voiced my discomfort (which went just as well as you would expect) but learning this has made me sick. Thank you for opening my eyes even further.

What you said about the church teaching children can be immodest... you’re absolutely spot on. Kids’ bodies aren’t sexual. At all. If someone feels that they are, that person needs help. Religion normalizes bizarre, sick mentalities like thinking children wearing tank tops can cause people to “stumble.” It hurts everyone involved. I’m so glad I got out before my daughter was old enough to remember ever going.

Thanks for tackling this, you guys. You made me want to finish the documentary. Joseph Smith's sexual fluidity is very well documented.

Have you seen the documentary called Abducted in Plain Sight? It's about a girl who was groomed, molested and kidnapped twice by her neighbour. And how he also manipulated her parents to be able to do this. Both the girl's family and the abductor were members of the LDS church.

Didn't realize this happened till after the fact, but while still a member, I invited a girl I liked a lot to go boating with our family. My mother asked this poor girl who'd picked out her favorite bikini to put shorts and a shirt on over her swimsuit so that I wouldn't have impure thoughts. She was devastated. Needless to say when I found out, that was a HUGE fight with my mom, but jokes on her because now I get to see that girl naked all the time and have all the impure thoughts I want to about her :P I married her and we left the church together 5 years later. Thank God, she never stopped wearing bikinis and I will personally make sure that our daughters are NEVER shamed about their clothing choices

This was amazing!

You guys are spot on this topic. BTW Tanner, you rock your outfit!

One of the most enlightening things I’ve learned while listening to EXMOs is how the “sex is a sin” until marriage message, doesn’t just “go away” after marriage. I can imagine how difficult that must be for women especially to just say, “okay, let’s get it on” and be completely uninhibited in the marriage bed. And the poor men probably feel like they are always raping their wives to some degree even if they aren’t, because the experience “feels” one way. Makes me sad, but helps me to understand why the Married Mormon man I love, who said he loved me too, ran for the fucking hills… p.s.. I’m not Mormon.

First video. Liked and subscribed. You guys are pretty good! Looking forward to more

I’m so fucking glad i found this channel, makes me feel more self assured and less alone as a new ex-Mormon. I had lived my whole life thinking the Mormon church was FACT and not just another opinion. Only up until four days ago i had never questioned my religion. I personally always felt sort of alone in the church and was never entirely committed to living the life, even though i believed it was true (cognitive dissonance much?). The most difficult thing now is that I’ve been conditioned to think a certain way and make choices a certain way and now i feel like i have to re-train my brain but i don’t know how? If you guys have any resources on how to get out of that mental conditioning trap of the church and begin to think critically could you share? Thank you so much i love y’all!

Yes yes yes! I resigned in February and I've spent a lot of time since studying cults and the psychology involved. When I was in the church I defended the church (not a cult). And even if they don't do it on purpose...you are so right...this is a cult and it makes it worse because it isn't obvious and it is so intertwined with the family. It is the worst. And this sex part is so much of the control. Good job bringing it to the discussion.

My whole family went through a big "porn kills love" crusade where they essentially tried to convince everyone that they had a porn/sex addiction. My dad wrote me letters ALL the time about how he felt "impressed" to tell me to read this book on porn addiction or go to a support group or see my Bishop. It wasn't until later that I realized I am in no way even a little bit addicted to porn or sex and that I have a very average, healthy sex drive. My poor sexually-repressed dad was just projecting onto others. Anyway, did anyone else have similar experiences with the church's "war on pornography"?

I seem to recall having had a lot of conversations about this topic...

All great points. Facts!!

When I was dating and Mormon, I had an abusive boyfriend who would tell me he didn’t have to control himself, because he knew I would say no. Needless to say he did a lot of things I was uncomfortable with and didn’t want, but it was my fault they happened because I didn’t say no the sixth time he tried.

my mormon sex ed was so bad that even now as an ADULT the idea of sex terrifies me. i have truly no idea what to do and the lingering guilt and fear of god being angry at me is very prominent. it’s terrible

"You've divided a person's self." Brilliant.

I left almost 4 years ago and I’m still trying to undue all of the harmful teachings about modesty. I can’t wear tank tops around my parents because I know it makes them uncomfortable which then makes me uncomfortable if they make comments about it. Also, as a teenager, my mom told me that my Dad wanted me to wear more “girly” clothing because I was wearing a lot of t-shirts and jeans (because they were the most modest things I could find and feel comfortable wearing). And as a child, I was routinely asked if my shirt covered my stomach if I raised my arms up. As a child! I can think of a lot of other instances, but they’re not all appropriate to share

I'm not an ex-mormon but I love watching your videos! This makes me so thankful I was not raised religiously and had no shame about sex. I ended up being the one in my group of friends who taught them about birth control and was very open about taking about sex. TBH probably saved a few people from teen motherhood.

You guys should totally do a podcast :)

Watch the last 3 Mormons video. They keep saying "make it a big deal" when a bishop preys on a person in their congregation. I wanted to vomit. I'm areligious but I was astounded to see how flippant they all were .

I love you both so much! I wasn't Mormon, but I was an Evangelical Christian and can relate deeply with what you're saying. Especially the teachings about sex.

My parents were told by their church and family services couples therapist that my mother wasn't having satisfaction in their sex life because women don't orgasm until five years into marriage.

thank you for this video! since my family and i have left the church, and openly being in a long term relationship in my community, and even discussing abuse i have endured, i have been shunned by my mormon peers, out of the assumption that i’m promiscuous (which i won’t lie, im no angel) ... the remark on the bishop thing really struck a chord, when i turned twelve, my bishop discussed masturbation with me in a very very very inappropriate way. AND STILL, i’ve never repressed my sexuality, but i’ve experienced that shame cycle a million times as i’ve grown up, even outside of the church. it just goes to show growing up in utah, mormon of not, is extremely toxic (ps: hey tanner! it’s me, the girl who said hello to you near Bar X during the pride parade) ♥️♥️

I am sure you know , but there are many lds women who say they will not marry or will see some who has even accidentally seen and desired porn as less desirable.

I've said for a long time that I will stay away from any religion or cult that expresses any sex-negative views. I guess that saves me from 95% of them right off the bat.

The churches teachings on sex are downright evil in my opinion. Nothing has caused more harm to my life than these teachings. I still need therapy from the truama these teachings caused, even 3 years after leaving the church. Thank you Zelf for your videos. I love you guys.

Hey guys, yeah, my ex is a pedophile. He molested my 3 year old daughter. I tried to let his bishop know this and was blown off. He has been given "callings" with children. He was married in the temple after our divorce. He is, as far as I know, still active in the church. It's disgusting.

Found your channel not too long ago. Been an exmormon since before I turned 9. Almost 40 now. Never really got over it. I'm so glad to see younger people getting smarter every generation. Keep it up. This nightmare might actually end with enough people like you fighting it.

You guys are soooo funny. I literally laugh out loud. 😃

Yeah, the fact that parents did some heavy petting before they were married was worse than the fact that my father abused us for years.

You guys might find Sonia Johnson and her story fascinating. Her heyday in the church was the 1970s when, as a Mormon, she fought for the ERA. At the time she was in the national media constantly. She later came out as a lesbian and my seminary teacher always referred to her sexuality as "Her unspeakable.....utterly unspeakable lifestyle." It's funny now but it hurt at the time. She was really a trailblazer----of course, she was excommunicated because the church does not like free thought at all.

My friend’s wife (at the time) caught him watching porn and she made him go to a Mormon “porn rehab” where they sat around and talked about porn all day, making him focus on porn even more. You could make a whole vlog channel about Mormon sex-shaming and it wouldn’t be enough.

If you read the message boards for the church debating the idea that back ground checks should be done for church member, especially Bishops, it's scary to see so many member resisting the idea as government interference or as an impossible task. And when you watch a RU-vid channel like say Saints Unscripted, for instance, and they address the topic of Bishops and "worthiness interviews" it's sickening to watch them defend Bishops (who typically have zero training in dealing with mental health issues), closed door interviews or the recent option of another adult in the room, and lack of back ground checks for people working with children. They will say things like , "oh it doesn't happen much," or "stop beating up the church!" And it has been discovered, as shown by the show Vice, that there is a Mormon "hotline" for Bishops to get legal advice on how to protect themselves and the church when cases of abuse are reported, and yet zero hotlines for victims of abuse to report it themselves. Big red flag. It's terrifying how much the LDS church resembles the Catholic church in this instance. And all the while, just like Catholic church members, the LDS faithful fight and argue against anyone pointing out these obvious flaws.

When I was 15 I went to a party and blacked out from all the weed and alcohol that I had just recently started using. I ended up waking up to find out I had been raped by the “birthday boy”. I was hurting and confused as I walked home not knowing what exactly happened. It took about a month for the guilt to eat away at me and I decided to go tell my bishop. In his office he had me explain what happened with tears running down my face. After some silence he proceeded to tell me what a serious situation this was and that it’s going to take a while to complete the “Forgiveness process”. I stared blankly at him while he told me I couldn’t take the sacrament until the process is over which can take months. I was getting punished for getting raped because I put myself in the situation and I drank and smoked. Even though the last conscious words that came out of my mouth to a room of people (some my friends) was “No sex.” He didn’t ask about the boy at all. He advised me to tell my parents and I left feeling more shitty than when I came in. That was the beginning of my suspicion to the LDS church. Within a year I had become a hard drug user and was in and out of treatment centers and rehab for the next 3 years. I have had 6 suicide attempts, one of which landed me in the hospital for two weeks. When I got home from the treatment center (after the hospital) the first conversation my parents had with me was about how suicide is a sin. 🤦🏼‍♀️ After that I wasn’t in school except for the few months out of the years where I felt stable enough to be around people let alone do school work. Which ultimately I’m very grateful for because I was able to get the help that I needed , opened up about other things from my childhood, met some amazing people and learned a lot of things about myself. I was blessed with really great parents despite their mistakes I know they just want me to be happy and healthy. I am who I am because of the church, and I’m happy that my family has something that makes them feel some type of security even if it’s not for me. But the moment I sent in my resignation letter two month ago, I have never felt so light. Your videos helped me, along with the fact that I’m super gay 🤷🏼‍♀️, to make the decision to remove my name. So thank you!!

Reformation bible college advertisers going hard on your videos 😂

Such an important topic! Sam said something at 16:57 which reminded me of a post David Archuleta made to his Instagram last year. He mentioned something about having an “addictive personality” to a list of things in which he included pornography. I was surprised at his candid words and it made me think he was sharing a heartfelt confession. After looking into the Mormon faith and watching some Zelph videos I realize those exact words are just Mormon programming. IMO his career in the music industry and maybe even his dating life are going to suffer if he remains that entrenched in his Mormon faith. That level of self-shaming is so damaging and it’s almost frightening to think that devout Mormons think this way and try to spin it as them overcoming life’s hardships. Addictive personality! I must be addicted to Zelph videos at the rate I’m watching lol.

I remember one time, years ago, when I was buying tampons, among other things, at a grocery store and this woman was behind me with two small children...she actually said to me: "how dare you, there are children here and it's disgusting for you to expose them to *that*".

@Zelph On the Shelf Do you have the quote from Richard Scott about the victim blaming?

I was gang raped when I was 11 and the first person I told was my bishop at the time and he told me it was my fault and now I had to repent and become clean in front of the Lord. I was later told this again as an adult in 2014 when my daughter was born and I was having flashbacks of it. But this time they added that the same thing would happen to my daughter because I let it happen to me. That is what broke it for me! I was done and actually started researching doctrine and history then left.