Has a narcissist used THIS manipulative line on YOU? 

Thank you for this acknowledgment!

Thank you ❤

I am being alienated by my adult children via brainwashing by x narc- It's the most painful thing anyone could go through. 💔

Thank you for the much needed encouragement! ❤ God bless you! 😊

So true my parents were awful

Or "I didn't mean it that way"

​@@popsylolI just got a "I didn't mean to... I was only..." I don't know what to think about that. She at least listened to what I said. Otherwise she couldn't have said she didn't mean to do the thing I told her was not okay. And that she meant it differently. But that is after the things have been said and the hurt has been done.

The problem is the other person knows exactly what the other one said or didn´t say. So it is a try to manipulate someone - in the hope she/her doesn´t remember correctly. I don´t fall for that shit because I don´t have dementia. So I get very angry if you try such shit with me. (My head works very well!).

So true ❤

OMG how many times I heard this

So sadly accurate. Affirmation of my reality

AMEN. I get my text happy mothers day once a year. That's the obligation text. I have never Been good enough for my son.

So we'll said. It's such a lonely experience. So grateful to Dr. Ramani for seeing us.

@@ruthslater6364 Get a pet. They love you unconditionally. ❤🦮🐱🍀 Happy Mother's Day. Give yourself the love and self-care that others withhold from you. You're worth it! 🌹

We are the ones that end up living with the consequences of our decisions. Even when those decisions were coerced. A very difficult lesson to learn; when the consequences of your decisions are present, the person rarely is there with the support they swore up and down would be provided (usually without witnesses and nothing in writing, either, so it is only hearsay if you try to get them to help, there is no way to actually make them help you.) To outsiders it appears entirely as if you feel entitled and are blaming them for your own choices. The whole thing is absolutely horrific. I feel like I have to get out and get established somehow without telling anyone, because anyone I tell will think I'm making things up. I dont know if I can risk losing the few people I have, simply because I open up to them about what is going on behind closed doors. It is "inconvenient" to be aware of an ongoing abuse situation, the victim is blamed for rocking the boat when they desperately wanted the boat to be steady. The victim has enough trouble accepting the reality for themselves. Sharing with others? Any dismissal makes it more difficult to get to safety.

And that will be the only focus for the rest of the evening, rather than it coming back around to the issue of them being assholes about things you do.

Based on my experience with my narcissistic abusing ex, I’ve learned to focus on people’s actions rather than their words.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssss

@@genevalawrence801 I mainly learned to look at the 'why' people say things, rather than 'what' they're saying, as I grew up. This about actions rather than words I only learned in the past year, the hard way. Very wise lesson to learn, also trust your gut.

Omg yes “don’t put words In My mouth” was totally running through my brain and I immediately saw this comment on top!!

Their goal is to isolate you....

Mine tried the same thing. 9 years,left him and now I can do what ever I want!

Sounds all too familiar!!!

Why did you stay with that person? Really not trying to judge you, just interested in this kind of relationship.✌

@@chedamanamas3610 I’m still with him. He controls all the finances and we have 3 kids, just found out I’m pregnant with 4th. He wants me to abort.. I’ve been applying for jobs with no luck. Haven’t worked in 14 years. Got into school on my own. Hoping that will be my path out. I have no family to help and no friends. His family sees him as perfect & treat me as bad as he does. Be careful who you have kids with, folks. I’d be gone if it weren’t for them.

A wrecking ball is a perfect way to describe the damaging impact of a narcissist.

Yes... Got to be 60 years old to understand that nothing is to be done. No need to try to save them. They cannot save themselves. It is a case of possession. 😢

Your comment hit too close to home. Thanks I needed a reminder. Have a good day!

"that don't know themselves" This 👆🏻 A good percentage of the time their lies are confabulations. There is no getting around it, if they cannot be "wrong."

Yesssss! Refused to tell me what was wrong. He would say, "you know exactly what it is and I am not going to repeat it." To discuss issues he would say, "that happened in the past, I don't like talking about the past." I would say the past!? This happened 2 hours ago!! So infuriating.

YES!

My brother is one year and four days older than me, he did that crap to me all of the time. I would beg him to leave me alone, it never stopped unless he wasn’t around. I would yell for someone to come and help me, he never got into real trouble for torturing me. Our grandparents bought us a new ball each we were playing with them standing in a rocking chair by the front window. He was five or six. I remember him rocking the chair so hard my ball came out of my hands I jump off of the chair to get my ball and turned around my brother was gone. I made my brother disappear, oh my, LOL. I got up on the chair and looked out of a second story window and there he was on the ground. I yelled for my grandmother. She called for an ambulance and they took him to the hospital. Still to this day my family accuses me of pushing him out of that window because he was always so mean to me. He was fine after a few days in the hospital and a new toy. My mother was a narcissist, then I turn around and married one, Oh my. Just in the past few years I have learned about what I have been dealing with all of my life.

Yeh the minute I leave house even for a doctors appointment he goes crazy asking so many questions and giving so many chores to do after. It’s so annoying.

@@SS-jw9mm When I take my dog for a walk it’s fairly obvious where I’m going. I told someone the other day I was tempted to say we’re going shopping

Ask them where they are or what they are doing and they’ll either straight up lie and make up some elaborate story or go on the defense immediately because they don’t think when they are screwing off it’s a problem because they are so grandiose and important that they get to do as they please… Such a special disorder.

Wow! I feel this way everyday. Why do they always ask where you’re going? To me it comes off like they’re insinuating something. It always makes me not want to go anywhere. Or makes me feel like I’m out too much when in reality he doesn’t go out at all. He sits in front of his gaming computer all day.

​@@AromaticSympathy Attempt to control.

And you don't understand the rules.

At one point he said to me while dating, "It will just be you and me, only you and me, in our own world with no one to ruin it." I was like ummmm 🧐

I often envisioned my dad as going around knocking over stuff and digging pits in front of me to hinder me. Metaphorically that is what he did. Everyone blames me for the mess that I have to clean up and praise him for making the mess while denying he made the mess and accusing me of doing it. It's maddening.

Hey 👋🏻

@@daykibaran9668 hi 👋

@@dakoderii4221 yes indeed maddening. these ppl insane. id rather stay on mute around them. that way they dont have content from me.

This pattern is familiar to me.

Boy, I can really relate to this. I lived that also.

Definitely can relate! Holidays, birthday parties, celebrations for our children, all were problematic for my husband when we hosted. I got the brunt of it before the guests would show up - I made too much food, spent too much money, I should make sure everyone takes off their shoes, who is going to do all these dishes, etc. - he'd be mostly quiet during the event and not offer to get anyone a refreshment and ignore my requests for any help (even helping to set up his coffee maker I never used before), then he would go to bed as soon as family left and leave me with all the cleanup. I was fine with that actually, at least I could do the cleanup at my own pace and in peace - me and Netflix!

My narcissistic husband does this. It's maddening!

My ex-husband would do this too!

This was true in my marriage. My ex's father came from out of the country to visit us during the holidays. Every year. Every year from December first to New Year's, it ended the same way with his dad flipping out and doing passive aggressive childish silent treatments for two solid weeks until he left. Every year it was the same way. He made my ex miserable and then I was miserable because they were both miserable and taking it out on me. I got grief if I said anything about his father's awful behavior. His dad always got away with it because my ex was a coward. When I put my foot down to try to get some boundaries in place IN MY OWN HOME, I was made out to be a miserable harpy. His father was the male equivalent of my mother. I could not tolerate that behavior and didn't want it in my home over the holidays, which had always been horrible times growing up because of my mother doing basically the same stuff. His mother rarely came to visit. When she did, she mostly spent time with him and not me. That's fine, knowing now what I know about her I'm glad she left me alone. She was a real piece of work. She never once thanked me for taking her dirtbag son off her hands and out of her basement. My parents were not allowed to visit because we both hated them. In a decade, my dad came down twice for a few days but stayed in a hotel, did his own thing away from us. Having dinner paid for once or twice was all my ex would tolerate, and even then he whined about having to go. He was such a brat about leaving the house for an hour to get his hunger sated for free at a nice restaurant we couldn't afford. My mother came down once for a weekend and got food poisoning, and I had to deal with her the entire time while he cowered and hid. Much support! Completely different dynamics, all skewed in his favor. Just like that entire "marriage." If I expressed a word of negativity about his family and their obvious crap behaviors, I was the unreasonable one. Not them. Not what they were doing. Me. Then I got blamed for my family's behavior too, so I couldn't win no matter what I did or didn't do. I had to stand there while everyone threw rocks at me and then wondered why I was bleeding everywhere. I am so glad that's over with.

That is exactly what I experience. 😩

@@spacegirl226 you were surrounded by narcissist on all sides. You just can't win with them

Oh god, this is exactly what happened to me. Separated me from my family for almost 3 years. When I took a stand and asserted myself I was called controlling, narcissistic, toxic, abusive, etc...I felt the need to keep every receipt I could because I never knew who I was going to wake up to at any given day...She constantly used pity and anxiety as a defense and justification for why I couldn't go visit my family, why I couldn't have any girls as friends (or even hug another woman for any reason), and she even punched me on several occasions and thought it was completely justified. I never laid a finger on her, but I sure was hit several times. It was the worst 3.5 years of my life and I am glad I escaped that monster.

OMG- my ex was this person. Hated going to my family thngs but I had to do everything with his friends' and family. Wish these videos were around 30 years ago😢

Most politicians are Narcissistic

Yes! So they can use that line, "Well, if that is the way you want to interpret it that's all on you"

@@remarkable937 oh my gosh. I hear this all the time now

@@orielwiggins2225 Yep. Just want to smash something sometimes.

Cos he's been practicing his art since he was a kid x

He's using all his brain power to manipulate. It takes a lot to keep those balls in the air

A narc is not smart😂

​@@user-o6ue45hz8nr2apThat's what she just said.

I dont think it's intelligence. It's just a simple abuse of power

You have brought clarity to a very difficult fact. Thank you.

Thank you,that's me.I raised myself up since 1999.And the parents and country and the society system of the world is dysfuncional and unconscious. Happy mothers day to you as well❤

Happy Mother’s Day to you and Me and all of us who suffered from narcissistic abuse by our mothers, our husbands and our children.🌷💕🪻🦋🌷

Love peace and happiness to you all

Yes, you are very right.

Yep. The day a narcissist takes responsibility for their words is the day I’ll be at the window watching the flying pigs…

Me too! Because it even can get life-threatening!

Happy Mothers Day to everyone! Have a wonderful, peaceful day! 💐💐💐❤️❤️❤️❤️💐💐💐

I am with you. I have grandchildren that I'm trying to protect and it's a nightmare. I keep wondering where do these people come from? Did they eat the twinkies and drink the koolaid? You know, I had really wanted my later years to be peaceful and joyful. With my daughter and her boyfriend, that will never happen. But I can't leave. They will destroy their children.

I raised my adult granddaughter, now 23 who is grown and flown. Her mom is an alcoholic, living with us. I endure her narcissistic abuse constantly. She is basically dying but trying to take me down as well. Dr. Ramani is right, in these situations, ‘you just can’t win’.

The other side of that coin is that a grandparent can be the narcissist and try to take control using 'protecting the children' as an excuse.

@@a.s.3267 Wow. Nothing like an internet troll who knows nothing about a painful situation to exploit it for their own benefit. Truely, you should refrain from "criticising" something that you don't know anything about. My grandson has suffered major skull trauma without the benefit of medical attention because of these ego maniacs. I have a theory that when someone defends the behavior of a narcissist it's because they resonate with the behaviors of that narcissist. Maybe you should gather more information before being so cavalier with your opinions.

@@a.s.3267 What was that? That you and your husband were both effectively sterilized? That was your original comment wasn't it? The original comment came up in my notification feed. I didn't read anything into it. You got caught. You commented on someone's post who is a grandparent trying to protect their grandchildren. Your badly stated and badly placed comment was abrasive and insensitive. If you wanted to talk about grandparents being narcissistic and your forced sterilization, maybe a better way would have been to state that independently of anyone else's comment. Countering a grandparent's concern by saying that it can grandparents who can be narcissistic is confrontational. Just for the record, anyone can be narcissistic even commenters on RU-vid.

Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white

You wont regret it

Sounds just like my mother was.

And … ‘this conversation is over’.

Get Dr Ramani's book, "It"s NOT you". ❤🍀

Wanted to say what Teresa said. It's not you, it's them. Listen to more videos of Dr Ramani or buy her book.

Hi! I was 34 when I first learned about narcissism. It took me a few years to recognise and accept that it wasn't just ex partners, but also my mother and older sister. I'm 44 now, and I have successfully rid myself of a lot of the toxic beliefs those two b*tches had ingrained in me. You'll get there, probably faster than me since you're already on this channel. Trust yourself, body and mind. ❤

Thank you. I cut contact with my brother (sociopath) two years ago and my mother (Narc) not quite a year ago. It brought much peace but she upped her anti on berating me to the family (aunts, uncles, cousins). They aren’t all narcissists but many are and everyone plays their roles. I realized I just needed a clean break. I was waiting for the perfect time but…the perfect time is always now, isn’t it? There’s always going to be something going on that they’ll talk about how terrible for you to do this when so and so is sick or whatever. Finally, 4 days ago, I blocked and deleted every last one. I’m free 😊

Absolutely true

Right. And having to ask the right question or word it in precisely perfect diction. Which doesnt work. The funniest is when im direct and no emotion whatsoever im angry or need to calm down.... but i wasnt i was just emotionless and soul distanced grey rock purely english paper dictionary informative. And Meanwhile we have to make questions out of accusations or filter through fake scenarios. And i have to say im not great at the court-ish b.s. at this point the truth is sufficient. But even there no matter what you say, perfectly or not. There is no win. Only if we stick to boundaries and that can have consequences too. Sorry you deal with the words to dust too.❤

Then there's the total twist of BS in the retelling later on, retold as truth if you don't fight it hard.

@@Anisette65 where the truth should be sufficient, its then carefully undermined by how we are percieved inside the realm of their truth which has one small grain of truth. The good thing for those of us. Once we get out of or fight the cognitive dissonance. You dont have to remember the truth and the truth though can be confusing doesnt tend to change as much as theirs do. They do have to remember though. Examples- -i was accused of rape *what happened -went out with some military friends drank and did cocaine went home with some acquaintances -was taken to the police station on allegations of rape -i blacked out but didnt do it though. true story told to me- He didnt do it- but cant remember. - the girl did not get any justice Same man accused an 8/9 year old of molestation.

The girl was promiscuous and under dressed and was fine with making out -but he blacked out

They skillfully and continuously get away with this. Until they reach the wrong victim

sorry your son doesn't get it

Sounds like he is in your son's head too

I actually believe that my son is narcissistic like his dad. He challenges everything anybody says argues, should’ve been a lawyer type thing but makes people around him uncomfortable because he makes big deals out of nothing. The list goes on.

Happy Mother's Day Dr. Ramani. You are our mental & emotional saviour Mother. Thank you. Having narcissists in our lives requires refresher talks to help us, and you have given that to me. ❤

@@daleswain9520 If there is any way that you can separate yourself from your son, you should really think about it. I have a similar situation and I have tried for 20+ years to bring my adult children (they are now 34 to 40) around. I have bent over backwards thousands of times, forgiven so much, overlooked incredibly bad behavior, and it's all been not worth it. I am now 65 and I'm giving up. No matter what their dad did, they have always sided with him. Think about your future. Think about giving yourself some peace.

Narc tactics often have the behavior and the predictable two- or three-pronged set of potential responses. We know what how it's going to go. It's a toxic menu, so really we don't want to be there.

@@Anisette65 Yes, once you figure it out it's all so simple to see. For myself specifically, I was 17 and had no clue what Narcissism was. I saw this man as familiar because, in hindsight with knowledge, I had been raised by parents who both had their own set of narcissistic tendencies. By the time I realized that I was being abused in my relationship, the abuse had long taken its hold. When your brain isn't fully developed up until age 25, this kind of abuse runs ramped as most are obliviously unaware in this stage of life.

Congrats, dude!

@@Poodleinacan 👍 Thanks!

Yes, and every other threat of punishment so your subconciuos brain instictively tries to avoid any risk.