HELP! | Imp And Skizz Podcast (Ep28) 

I hate asking for help, but I love helping others. And I think that's part of it - "I can't ask you to help me, I'm supposed to be helping you!" I need to work through that, allowing others to be nice to me. Thanks for the great podcast!

This reminds me, and maybe someone already mentioned, about an archeologist's answer to "when did civilization begin." They found a woman's skeleton with a healed fractured femur. It takes 6 weeks to heal...someone must have helped her. Even though she couldn't offer anything in her injured state. Someone helped her without any guarantee of return, and THAT is when civilization was truly born. Great podcast, guys ♥️

I think it’s hard for people to realize that people who love you are waiting for you to ask for help.

I'm just sat here listening literally 10 mins after I just received a telling off for not accepting help from my in-laws. I feel RU-vid was listening. I needed this right now, so thank you :)

I need to be better at asking for help because I hate encroaching on other people's lives, but even more I need to be willing to give help because I've become so protective of my time. It's not time wasted to help someone.

Thanks to the recent 'Confidence' podcast I realized that my 'secret' skill/talent is for lack of a better word, troubleshooting. I just have an innate ability to look at a system or process and see ways to fix or improve it. As such, sometimes it is really hard for me to ask others for help because at a subconscious level, asking for help is admitting that I've failed to solve a problem. I think a lot of people of a certain age, were raised with a heavy emphasis on self-reliance and self-sufficiency, which in moderation are not bad qualities. However, some of us take them to the extremes so that they become detrimental to our mental, physical and emotional wellbeing. One of the ways I've overcome my unwillingness to ask for help is by first asking myself, "Is swallowing my pride and asking for help worse than failing to complete this task?" Overwhelmingly the answer is NO, so I ask for help and gett'r done, and I always feel better after I gott'r did.

Unfortunately American society in particular is very ‘every man for himself’ heavy. We raise our kids and their kids’ kids to view asking for help as a weakness and something to look down on. It’s rough because I feel like over time this mindset has really pushed back against giving us a sense of community, and as Skizz pointed out, humans heavily rely on each other and always have! Having this feeling of guilt when asking for help is setting us back!

The reason it's harder to ask for help when you're used to people asking you is because you feel you have a reputation for helping and that by needing help you're ruining that reputation or credibility of that reputation, even though it's usually the opposite. This goes back to being your own worst critic. It's probably the piece I struggle with most. There's no reason you can't have a give and take, but for some reason in our lizard brains we can't be a giver if we ever take. Going back to your last live stream (skizz), is related also to trading care of yourself and treating yourself. Anyway, great podcast and insights, as always, and thank you for the positive perspective and encouragement.

Asking for help is hard, but asking for help from someone you enjoy spending time together with offers another opportunity for time spent together. ❤

You reminded me of a huge memory with my dad. Now you have to understand that my dad is typically a very intelligent and logical man, he worked in the medical field most of his adult life, but for some reason on certain things, he was just insane. We had one of those old big HEAVY TVs. My mom decided she wanted it moved from our living room to the extra room in the basement. My dad decided that we (him and I) were going to move this thing down the stairs. These stairs are not carpeted, they are VERY steep and end on a cement floor with maybe 2-foot space before a cement wall. My dad ties ropes around the TV a blanket over the stairs and starts lowering this thing down. Now when I say this thing is huge I mean it. I'm like 5'4 and it stood at least at my chest. Now, this is important because about half way down the stairs, the ceiling gets lower, I had to lower my head or I'd hit my forehead on it. So my dad is lowering this thing and it's going ok until we get to that lowered ceiling. It of course gets caught there and it's far enough away that we can't really see what's going on and can't manuver it past here. So my dad is holding this rope keeping the TV from falling while I run out the back door, around the house and into the basement to get this thing unlodged. We manage to unlodge it so it of course then "pops" off the lowered ceiling and of course gravity then kicks in and it starts sliding towards this cement wall so I jump in front of it and catch the stupid thing and keep it from falling into the wall, it just squishes me lol. We finally managed to wrestle it into the room. Not 2 weeks later my mom decided nope she didn't like it there and it had to come back upstairs! Now here's why this was insane. The basement had a garage, a full garage that you could pull a car or pickup in. My dad had a pickup. All we had to do was pull the pickup to the back door load the TV in it and drive it to the basement garage then carry it to the extra room, which is exactly how it got moved back upstairs lol.

I believe asking for help is hard because asking for help makes us feel vulnerable. It’s you admitting to another person that you cannot compete (sometimes what is normally a one person job) alone. It makes us feel like a failure and, like you guys said, seems like we are wasting someone else’s time.

I know exactly what you are talking about. I’ve always been the person who jumps in and helping others. But I’m 72 now and the last 4 years have not been good. It seems like I have gone from one medical problem to another. For me, asking for help is very hard because I know I will never be able to repay all of the wonderful people who have helped me. How can I ever pay back the people who have mowed my lawn and shoveled my snow. You are right, though. It isn’t about paying them back, it’s about being part of a community, an extended family. I’ve got the song Lean on Me running through my head. Thank you so much for doing this one!

As someone who studies and records Family History, its a great thing that these are recorded so that your children and grandchildren can know who yall were and what experiences that yall went through.

I was raised to be independent, don't count on anyone but yourself. Asking for help was seen as a selfish thing and don't you dare be selfish. As a lifelong caregiver, I'm now in a brand new position. I find I'm HAVING to ask for help to do my job to better care for those I serve, it is NOT getting easier. Hard to break the "I will figure this out on my own or die trying" mentality I was raised to have.

Part of asking for help is pride. I was very proud that I had always been self-sufficient even when I was married. Eleven years ago, when my husband had a stroke that eventually took his life, I had to break down and ask for help and accept that help. I am still quicker to accept help as well as provide help. Don't let pride get in your way.

For me, the problem of asking for help is not only the fact that I'll be taking another person time. Its that i feel that I *should* be capable of doing this alone. I'm coming into being an adult, and should I not be able to do certain things on my own? Of course, part of my brain knows "Hey, you have no experience with this. You've never done it, you've never learned it." But not asking for help is already illogical, and that is increased by the fact that I usually ignore that side of my brain that knows to ask for help until I REALLY badly need it

Primarily an audio listener but came over to this episode after I finished it on spotify because I could relate to a lot in it. I'm terrified to ask people for help with anything. I struggle so badly with it but at the same time, I know I need to ask for help sometimes. I'm also the primary person my friends go to for help or advice but even when they offer their help in return I still struggle to ask because I feel like a burden. But after I listened to this one, I immediately messaged my friend I've known nearly my whole life and asked for their help with something. I took up the challenge and I'm happy to say I completed it so quickly. Awesome podcast as always! This one really hit home and I didn't at all expect to be rambling in the comments when I started listening but here I am-

I learned to ask for help when I flat out failed to brute-force "fine" when I wasn't. I was incredibly sick, a single mom, and any idea of asking for help was beyond me because I had been raised that help always had to be repaid...and this time I couldn't and didn't know if I would ever be able to. I heard asking for help criticized with vitriol. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps....what even are those, anyway? But being so sick I couldn't function made me look at things so much differently. I would never do that alone again. The same with dealing with being on the unwanted side of a marriage. I was terrified to ask for help because I should be able to handle this and if i asked for help the person i asked would think less of my spouse for what they'd done. Just be better, do better, learn more, research, adapt, implement, love stronger, pray harder.... for 3 years i occasionally visited a pier on a foggy day looking into the Mississippi and contemplated the worst. When it happened again despite all my efforts at self improvement and marriage strengthening, I went to a therapist because the depression I went through for 3 years after the first time was too much to go through again. The marriage ended but my life didn't and I'm ok now. It's ok to ask for help. You're not meant to do this alone. Screw the bootstraps, sometimes you need a hand.

Aw back to being under an hour again. :( Lol. So happy to be here!

Agree with everything. I would add "Know your limits" Don't put yourself in a position where you're relying solely on trust or the promise of someone too not be worse off than you were entering the situation. Don't loan money you can't afford to lose. Don't commit your time if you might not be able to follow through. Not only can you find yourself in a bad situation. You might be leaving someone hanging when they thought you understood the assignment. My tip get clarification, Know what you're signing up for. Set expectations, example "when is the absolute latest date you can pay me back." Worse case, best case. "And don't tell me what you think I wanna hear. Tell me what I need to know to set my expectations."

I recently stepped into a leadership position at work and it has been a serious test and a mirror on this. I love helping people, I love being in the position I'm in because I get to help people and support my team even more, but in the same breath it's triggered so much anxiety and made me realize just how much I struggle with asking for and needing help myself, and just how much help I really do need. I've heard it phrased before as "don't be a blessing blocker" meaning don't deprive people of the opportunity to bless and help you. Always love listening to these and laughing and being reminded that we're all still just human and need to let ourselves be human.

It’s being vulnerable. We are nurtured to not be that way.

I grew up being forced to ask for help. Like my mother would instruct me every time she thought I needed help. So now I get anxiety about asking for help. It’s more about I have anxiety asking because people might judge me for the way I ask vs just asking. This is a new take I’m sure, but I’m also sure other people have the same problem.

Funny thing, I was listening to this while I was installing a toilet by myself because I didn't want to ask my dad for help... and I threw my back out. Lessons were learned today.

You guys are the best! I always look forward to what has become my weekly positivity hour, so thank you for that! 😊 As a testimonial for people helping, I have one for y’all. After my 3rd baby came, I, who has had diagnosed depression since high school, tanked really fast and hard in my mental capacities. If it had not been for a couple people forcing themselves into my life at that time - because I sure wasn’t going to admit I was “weak” enough to ask for help - I would not be here today, and I don’t know what would have become of my baby and two young kids. So, yes, I am an absolute advocate for being pushy if you know it’s what you need to do! Even if someone gets mad at you over it, they still feel the love/compassion that motivates the actions. ❤ Thanks again for these podcasts. I know you’re two regular dudes just chatting, and I think that’s what makes this so great. It’s relatable and personable, and makes me want to reconnect with my friends too. :) (And some of us fellow drumline nerds love catching snippets of your time marching, and would never complain if there were more stories of that, just sayin’.😆 Haha, keep up the great work!!)

i listened to this across last night and this morning and dude now i’m crying because idk somehow it clicked in my head finally that i am *allowed* to be vulnerable and… just yeah, thanks :]

This message came to me at the perfect time. I've been struggling for months to juggle everything from physical health to mental health to "adulting responsibilities"-work, college classes, volunteering commitments. Every time I hit a rough patch, I keep shoving it down and trying to deal with it on my own. Even while encouraging others to ask for help! (Man, I've been feeling like a hypocrite.) Last week I got a cold, and I've been giving myself *hell* over having to cancel things. I hate having to admit I'm sick. I feel like I'm letting everyone down, screwing up my work ethic, and just being "weak" if I don't try to push through it and keep working. But now there are just too many things comping up where showing up sick would be a jerk move. It's a little ridiculous how the choice between "be a jerk" and "take care of yourself" can be so difficult. I just hate having to start those conversations and say the words, hey guys, I'm not doing so good. You guys are getting me through it. I just keep telling myself, "c'mon, man, Impulse and Skizz would want you to do this." It helps. I re-listened to the part where Skizz is giving the challenge and went "Holy cow, he's talking to me. This is my exact situation. He's right, this is exactly what I should be doing." Thank you so much for being that voice of wisdom. And now that I've bitten the bullet and started talking to people... gosh darn it, you're right. It does feel better. There are people who want to help. Someone I talked to even said I'd reminded _them_ to ask for help when they need it. Even if someone gets mad at me, I'm going to feel better than I was sitting there in suspense and suffering alone. But so far the only person who was mad at me was myself. I'm being humbled by people's kindness. It's so hard to get out of my head and trust anyone but I'm starting to think I should be giving the people in my life more credit. Maybe giving them a chance to help means I get to find out how awesome my friends are. That's not so bad.

Skizz- you have no need to hear this another time, but WOW. You are a storyteller!

For me, its the feeling of guilt that im not good enough to do something on my own. That by myself, I just can’t accomplish the end goal, without someone’s help. Thats why its so hard for me to ask for help.

Gosh. Thank you for this. Over the past year and a half, I have had to ask for so much help and it is SOOOO hard but I see those who help out have so much joy after. Its the asking that is so hard.

That thing about being there for others and not being able to let others be there for you. I... I've been told for a long time that "Oh, you are always so kind and so positive. You're always able to bring up the mood." and so on. I found that every time I've felt that darkness; the start to numbness, I'll try to speak, but then I'll see how good everyone is feeling, and I hear this voice in my head "How can you justify bringing down their mood as the so called 'positive person'?" And then I see them when their mood is down, and it becomes "How can you justify making it worse?" I've found that the way I've been able to force myself to confide in someone is with this. You can't bear someone else's burdons if you can't bear your own. For me, the people i confide in are those I think will be able to understand. Usually people who have trusted me enough to talk to me are people I find I feel I can talk to. Its like a mental trade

Great topic. Most of us grew up thinking that asking for help was shameful and weak until life humbles you. That’s when you realize how stupid it was not too, and those who mocked you were just as clueless as you. It was hard enough to say “I need help”. But even harder for them to say “I don’t know how too.” Seems to be shame in that as well.

I accepted help from friends when I went through chemo. And even then, I didn't want to. One of my friends actually said to me that by letting them help me, I was helping them. They said that if I didn't let them help, they were gonna feel awful for the rest of their lives about not being able to help me. And even then, the only reason I let them help, is because it would benefit the rest of my family. I actually cooked regularly for my family even then. My husband would get so frustrated with me. I realized something terrible about myself recently. If it is at all possible for me to do something myself, I will. Even when someone, like my husband, offers help, I won't want to inconvenience him, and I'll do it before he gets the chance. What the heck is wrong with me??

Another great podcast! This is such a timely topic for me. My biggest barrier around asking for help (especially at work) is the potential for the asked person to treat me like I'm incompetent. I've experienced this first hand as a female in the tech space and it just really doesn't feel good. I will bang my head against a wall for days before finally asking someone for help for this reason. Luckily I've found a few good people at work that wear a mentor hat that give great help without coming off as condescending ❤

I hate asking for help because that’s what my family taught me; if you’re asking for help, you’re being a nuisance. If you want to contribute, do your work on your own and help someone else to be seen as valuable and reliable. And then my schools and later jobs reinforced that mindset.

I think the reason people do like asking people for help because we are basically are admitting to ourselves that we are not strong enough, smart enough, or stable enough to do it ourselves. We are admitting that we have failed to do it ourselves and that's what makes it hard. No one wants to believe they are weak, stupid, or not financially stable.

I feel like becoming a parent made asking for help much harder. The constant impulse to ensure they were happy and safe pushed anything personal way back. I think not wanting them to be worried and feeling like they could always confide or ask for help without thinking about the impact on me is the reason. Then this seems to filter on to life in general. I think for me personally, wanting to make people happy actively discourages me from asking for help. My advice is as per these wonderful guys, find a person you can just tell things too, even if they can’t help or give advice, you will feel so much better for just venting.

I used to hate asking for help until I got my ADHD diagnosis and realized that it was actually my Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria that was making me worry about asking for help. It made me look into why it's so difficult to ask for help and it was fun to learn that it's actually a social construct! There are entire cultures that value leaning on one another and helping each other, but in our culture people are taught that they have to do it themselves OR buy the best gadget or hire a service to help. I have been working on the "asking for help" thing for the past 2 years, and since making the switch life has been going much smoother. A large caveat to that though is that you also need to be honest when you can't help. Once you develop that trust, that you don't HAVE to say "Yes" to everything and instead only say yes to the stuff you can actually take on, people are much more likely to ask you because they know you'll happily say "no" if it's a problem for you. It takes a whole mental shift and talking about this with your friends and family is such an important step to creating that circle of safety where you can have that open honesty and vulnerability. Loved the chat, love that you're bringing relevant issues to light. Keep up the great work!

Impulse's analogy with mental health and attributing it to the likes of if you had a broken arm is something that REALLY helped me on my mental health journey. It sucks to start, but so worth the reward, if there is anyone out there struggling, please if you can, go to therapy. or if you can't consoling with friends can be helpful, but they aren't responsible for your own mental health.

"Moving is like 3rd base for guys" made me spit out my coffee. 😄😄 Skizz, you are hilarious!

Great podcast. Thanks for calling us out, again. I'm going through some tough times right now and I do need to ask for help but my problem is that everytime I did ask for help, it never worked out well and I'm not in the position to afford a therapist/psychiatrist. I will do my best to stop thinking I'm a burden to everyone and ask for help. Thank you for the wonderful podcast

As someone who struggle with mental illness i have accepted and gotten better at asking for help and accepting it, as i cant handle what is the norm, because i have to look after myself and i have a hard time feeling when ive used up my energy.

Good timing fellas 👏

Really enjoyed this discussion. It is so hard for me to ask for help.

Great pod cast again. Thanks for your help and time, guys.

this genuinely really resonated with me. I can't really put into words or details, but i do realise how much i struggle with asking for help above menial things and how much it also stops me from opening up to others

This is literally me, I'm way too anxious to ask for help and think I'm really bothering those I ask

You don't know how much I needed to hear this. Thank you ❤️

First step in asking for help is to admit to yourself that you can’t do it yourself. That’s what makes it so hard. We all want to be able to do everything ourselves and thus we never want to ask for help. At the same time we have no problem paying someone else to do the same thing for us because we are not admitting we can’t do it, instead we are paying for someone to do something we just don’t want to do. Different mindset.

I am really enjoying this podcast guys. It just popped up in my feed a few days ago and I’ve already binged a ton on them. I feel like I’m truly getting to know you both way more. It also feels like this content is more on an adult lvl which is great because I’m roughly the same age. I also think it’s extremely cool that your younger audience (and me😊) gets a wide array of sage advice from two examples of top tier quality human beings.

Just wanted to let you guys know I absolutely love what you're doing keep up the great work

This episode is just a huge punch on my chest I'm so thankful for you guys on making such a meaningful episode for me and of course to the many people that just have to hear this that it's ok to ask for help, it may be hard for some and also for me but doing so really does makes a huge difference when you have the courage to do so.

You are so right with it being hard to ask for help. It's not just an ego thing though with mental health often times you can't even begin to think of how to explain what is wrong, you don't have a problem asking form help so much as you have a problem knowing what help to ask for. I often tell my wife I hope she never understands depression because that would mean she has had to experience it. I'm not talking about having a bad day/week/month but true clinical depression. I have been hospitalized twice, once for an attempt and once for ideation and I still am not sure I've figured out how to ask for help.

The pillow between does a great job breaking up the white and adding visual interest. Impulse needs more behind him now

Woah!! How did i just know about this podcast!!

I am a person people come to a lot for help, and I understand how it makes asking that much harder. There are so many times I will chose letting things be bad or get worse or letting myself struggle before I ask for help. And I think being relied on so much makes it worse because if people are coming to you for help, then they won't have the time or energy to help you in return. Thank you so much for your effort, you guys, and how honest you are with every podcast topic. Ypu always have so much to say that is inspirational and sticks in my head to pop up in those moments when I need it. 💖

When you mentioned how heavy that TV was, it also made no sense to me why they would make it so heavy-- until I remembered a true crime case where someone's house was ransacked, TV included. It was a really nice TV too, and someone made off with it along with some other valuables. If they stuffed it full of lead bricks, it was probably to deter THAT from happening

Thanks for doing this podcast guys, I think it'll be a big help to people. I've been trying to write this feedback in my head for the last day, and already know it won't come out completely right, but here goes! I'll try and make it brief. I think you missed a big portion of the conversation here, and that is the impact of being male and the expectations of a patriarchal society. Namely that the archetypal image of a 'man' or even an 'American man' is drummed into the psyche from a young age, and that that man is strong, independent, forges his own path, never owes anyone anything, doesn't whine about or make any of him problems known, sucks it up and never asks for help or shows weakness or vulnerability. While progress has been made in moving away from this, it still sticks in the brain to some degree of anyone who had that behaviour modelled to them as 'the right way to do things'. I appreciate that you may not wish to get into deeper political discussions in the podcasts, and also to use terms that send some into a frenzy, but I was frankly amazed that you got through the whole thing without talking about the construct of masculinity. Now, obviously, there's plenty of people of all genders who have the problem that you talk about, but the expectation of what a man should be like does have an impact on how likely they are to ask for help or voice issue. An importatnt statistic from the UK is that suicide is currently the single biggest killer of men aged under 45. Framing the discussion in this structure is important I think because otherwise I get the impression that you both come to the conclusion that, "oh I'm like this 'cause I'm dumb, I just need to get better at it". When in all reality, it's not just you and not completely your fault either. We want to be able to help our kids to not be like that, so I think a broader understanding is necessary. Keep up the good work guys!

Mental health is a hard one to ask for help with. I know of atleast 5 who didnt ask for help and are no longer with us 😢 I am someone thats been on the side of needing help and im always there for others if they need it. I can tell you that when someone asks for help i never look at them differently in a bad way. it makes me look at how strong they have been to go through their struggles and how brave it was for them to ask. It makes me proud of them and maybe a little more protective as i want them the feel better and i want to see them smile like they used to. As the saying goes ‘A problem shared is a problem halved’.

Thanks my dudes

I had to ask for help two weeks ago and it was really hard to do, but just like you said I helped out the people helping me out by asking and everything turned out well.

Ive been listening to all your podcasts to catch up & i think even before i heard this one it helped me as yesterday i asked for help for the first time in my life. i'm 49yrs old next month.

We all need help sometimes,dealing with bad things in your Life,or just need help with simple Jobs..Great Podcast Imp and Skizz..❤️

For me to ask for help is just so hard It feel like my heart would fall off my chest if ever I ask, even with my family my closest friends I was so adjusted on doing everything on my own all myself, that it's so hard to admit to myself that I have problems that I can't do by myself

My twin brother had to ask me to help me for his wife's ring too felt so good to know I could help with that at that time was amazing :)

I hate asking for help and as a mum, you just get used to doing everything and that makes it harder. Sometimes too, I feel like I let people down if I admit I need help, like I feel like I shouldn’t need help, I don’t know if that makes sense. I struggle to relinquish control too as I like things in a certain way or order and that too makes it hard to ask for help. But I’m always willing to help out if people need help.

I just want to thank you guys for the terrific incite to your minds. you are both inspirational. I had a mantel breakdown in 2015 and I had amazing help from two people .. I am now engaged to one and the other is now in need of my support. I struggle everyday with my mind, confidence and anxiety but listening to the two of you each week always helps me. Keep up the good work, I need the laughter and the way you ground me when I trigger into your topic of the day

It's been a while since I've tuned in to the podcast, and my, how things have changed! I'm a big fan of the new setup. You two sitting next to each other on the couch gives a very relaxed feeling, and, conversely, makes everything feel a bit more serious. And I really appreciated today's topic. It's given me much to think about, and I'll have to consider how I run a few things in my life, especially regarding my current job. I've been unhappy with a few things, so this little push was definitely needed. Thanks!

Never took the time to listen to pod casts. However, you fellas have a chemistry that is absolutely genuine, almost envious. Thank you for the help...... 😉👍

I really enjoyed this one, it was fun. Is also an important subject that's good to keep in mind, I'll try to see if I struggle to ask for help, I don't think I do, but I may not realize it.

I've struggled with imposter syndrome and depression for years. I think my problem is, Im neurodivergent and I don't know how to open up to speak to people. Someone asks whats wrong, my answer is either "long story" or "i dont know". ASD is hard

REJECTION - that's my issue. I've asked for help and was told no or ignored. Add some anxiety in the mix and I now have a very difficult time asking for help, even though I have great friends now that would help.

Hey there guys it's so cool when you guys do these hours it makes my day go by so fast I picked you all up from ep 1 and I am bingeing them . I do have a question would you guys be apposed to having like special guest on the pod cast in person and over like a discord call

I am just like Skizz in that I hate asking for help or needing help. Been a little humbled the last few years while becoming a single mom going through a divorce with no support from my ex (long story) as some family has helped me out.

I struggle so hard with asking for help, and I think it mainly stems from study/schooling. I used to be ahead in all my classes, really "smart" and had high reading and math levels for most my life. Once I started high school (college where I live; NZ) it all went down hill very quickly, and it was mainly because I didn't know how to ask a teacher to explain something to me. I no longer understood most of the work, and I very quickly felt like I was being left in the dust. It didn't help that my math teacher humiliated me pretty much every time I asked for help to the point i was having panic attacks daily over it. When you've never had to ask for help, because you've picked up everything so easily when you were younger, how are you meant to be able to learn to ask? and when you finally do, and only get humiliated for not knowing how to do something, how do you get past the fear of humiliation every time you need to ask for help? It's been so hard to learn that it's okay to ask for help, and that I won't be humiliated or yelled at for not knowing how to do something, or if I can't do something on my own etc. Edit: at 39ish mins in, I feel so hard Skizz. I've been that friend, and I've been you in that situation. I've lost 2 best friends to mental health, one of them we spent 2 weeks constantly keeping an eye on her, constantly making sure she never left school without a parent, trying to keep her alive til her first psych appointment. One day, she managed to leave school grounds between classes. a day later we saw her in an open casket. It's a horrible feeling when you know someone is not okay, and you can't do anything about it. Survivors guilt, is the best way to explain it. I'm sorry you had to experience that Skizz, I can't imagine how surreal and difficult that would've been.

Asking for help is one of those weird things that seems super simple on paper, but I think there's a lot more that goes into it. At least for me personally, asking for help didn't seem that difficult when needing help was kind of necessary as a kid. But I can't actually fully put my finger on the threshold when and why I started feeling like I needed to reject help. It could have been that usually the end point of teaching someone a skill is for them to "do it on their own"-- basically seeing handling things completely and without assistance as the desired end goal. It could have been that at some point, I started to notice people needed to put down whatever they were doing *just* so they could help me, realizing that to a certain degree, asking for help is another thing added to someone else's long list of tasks. It could have even been that maybe one day I started to wonder if I had outgrown needing help-- and that denying myself help, even if I needed it, meant that I was "good". But like you mentioned in the podcast, a lot of us have no trouble helping others, but feel like we shouldn't ask for or don't even deserve help.

I'm sorry, but I lost it at Skizz explaining the rotary phone. xD I showed one to my kids recently and they had no idea what it was. I have fond memories of my parents and grandparents having one. And asking for help...I did that this week. We started a kitchen remodel on Monday and the same day I ended up in the hospital after a food/allergy issue and came home the next day with a long list of foods I need to avoid...when I can't cook or do anything with my kitchen. So when a friend asked me if they could help I swallowed my (apparently massive) ego and said yes. And it's been a huge blessing! But oh goodness, did I struggle with saying yes for the help. That was HARD.

I find asking for help is hard to do. On the other hand I am a short lady… when I am at the store and I the thing I need is to high I will find a tall human to help me. 😅

😮my battery died at the dead body secret conversation … I’m frantically asking everyone around me for a charging cable rn to hear the end of your story!

I.... I am annoyed at how timely this is. Whilst watching it I was having a conversation with my best friend about some things in my life that I wish I could change and seek help on a couple of things.... Guess now I have to do it 😅 Have loved this podcast, thank you for taking the plunge and making this podcast exist!

This was helpful, thank u! Funny enough, I actually wrote out a message b4 this one, & then some weird button thing happened where I ended up leaving the area & erasing all previously used apps. O_o I almost took it as a sign to not say anything, but then laughed at the irony that Skiz also had such a moment. 🤣 Anyway! Helpful reminders! I've felt so helpless, but now I don't bc I know I don't have to be alone. It's weird to emotionally share with people, as it makes no sense to me. But I guess I need to do that more? Thx again, tho. 👍💕💕

And maybe a little bit of insight when everybody comes to you asking you for help you feel like the rock and you don't want to crumble in front of people so you don't ask for help yourself what you must realize is that every rock will crumble without the proper support something I've learned over many years of being stubborn

Some of the reasons is I hate asking for help is listening to those around me complain about all they do I their lives. I don't want to be another burden to them. I feel guilty adding to their stress even if it might not add stress I just don't want to be more stress in their story.

Talking about tech dumbing people down. When I was younger I worked at a gas station and they wouldn't let you use the amount tender button, you had to count the change out that you owed the person. After that it always drove me crazy to go somewhere and have someone accidently cash it out and lose it because they didn't know how much change to give me. At that point I could just tell them 😂

This video makes me feel old. Lol, and I’m not as old as you guys. My mom still used an electric typewriter into the early 2000’s. They work well for certain types of invoices. I know I’m in the minority as I don’t watch Minecraft. But I do enjoy the podcasts.

I ask for help when i recognize i need to. I do what i can to figure out things on my own but if i can't then i ask for help. I can see how some people develop a fear of asking for help because quite often people don't have answers or know how to help and i end up having to figure it out myself anyways but sometimes i just needed to see things from someone else's perspective. And worse case is people belittle you for asking for help. That's unfortunately too common. 25:32 There's a difference between someone helping you and someone doing it for you. If you ask for help they explain and guide you through it. If they do it for you then they're not helping, they're making you dependent on them for fixing your problems. 21:01 I'm the same way with owning people money. It's why i won't ever take out a loan or buy anthing i can't pay for 100% on the spot in cash. 28:25 I've always been of the mind that if you can't understand how something works you shouldn't be allowed to use it. You'd be surprised the amount of people who don't understand how a microwave works even though it's literally in the name. 35:58 I open up to almost anyone. Often it results in me getting hurt. So I've kinda come to expect it when i open up. Usually after i open up people start being abusive in some way, which is ironic as I'm opening up about past abuse and ways I've been mistreated. Sometimes people suprise me and are kind but it's not often. I just want to be understood. I don't talk about what I've been through to be like "oh poor me" i talk about it so people can know where I'm coming from and why i see things as i do. And maybe someone's struggling with what i went through and my experience can give them the solution they need or at least let them know that they aren't the only one who's gone through that. I've always seen it as a sign of strength to open up and a sign of weakness to keep stuff inside and bottled up.

There's an Imp and Skizz podcast?!

"W....KBW? ... Wimpy ... KIDY BABY WHINERS!!! ... That's what THAT STANDS FOR" LOL I love Skizz

I've always had a weird feeling that when I feel close enough to a person to ask them for help or to share something heavy with them that I genuinely hope one day they will do the same in return. If one day in the future they actually do it makes me feel so good. If they never do and never seem to need me either that's ok too. But when a person I've confided in either does go through something that I know is real but they won't tell me about it, I happen to find out about it some other way, that just sucks. Like what Skizz said happened with the guy that ended in worst case scenario. I've had the same thing happen to me with more than one person. It can be devastating to be available and capable of helping but completely unable to because they just don't want to be helped, especially when they badly need it. I've been a hypocrite to this principal more than once, but I made a promise with myself a long time ago that I'll never go quite to the point of actually giving up on life without seeking help. I've been that sort of close and sought that sort of help more than once and I'm here still because of it.

How'd you guys know I needed to hear this today?

Skizz,(I know you aren’t reading this but Impulse is) I am very much like you are regarding asking for help and it’s absolutely the same reason for me. I don’t fully trust anyone in my life and expect that if I do ask for help, that person can’t or won’t help which drops the trust level even more. I do know where my lack of trust comes from and for you maybe searching more for that moment(s) or time(s) in your life where you were let down or disappointed by some you trusted so that you can explore it more might help get you past it.

Fellow love-helping-hate-asking person here :P It's definitely a lot easier for me to do when I know for a fact that either 1. it will not take a lot of effort with help compared to no help and/or 2. I'm not the only person the help benefits. (Trigger Warning: Suicide & Mental Health things, stay safe

Here's an imp and skizz stream idea for you. "Reaction" stream of watching a podcast episode with us. Listening to you two talking makes me want to have a live conversation with you. There's so much that comes up. I'm almost done and it's making me sad that it's so short, at 50 minutes. 😅

Skizz’s desire to understand how stuff worked probably helped him be a good math tutor in High School, as he could show the why of an answer better than just giving the answer

I had a lot to say, talk about, and then ask a question. Though I'm pretty sure my voice would just be lost in the chaos of fan voices. So I deleted it. I still have a lot to say... think I'll keep my mouth shut though. Till next week Imp and Skizz. Can't bring myself to finish watching this one as the subject matter infuriates me for reasons; either by being flat out ignored or being told I'm incompetent when I do ask for help. Seriously, a family member recently said effectively "I'm incompetent".

so i had an issue with my bank, and i was completely heartbroken and super anxious, and i was explaining to my coworker what the problem was. and i felt safe telling her, because i knew she couldn't just "bail me out"..... or so i thought. well turns out her tax return was killer, and she just gave me the money. and since i give her rides on saturday and she pays me half of what she'd pay uber. she was like "if you can't accept the gift, just consider it an advance on the next few weeks." BUT MAN WAS IT HARD TO SAY YES. >_>

I love you guys, seriously, and this might damage our relationship but I'll say it anyway... Ask Mumbo for HELP with videography 😂

I wouldn't say I agree with why y'all think that people don't like asking for help. Well, think about it this way, if humans don't like asking for help because it takes up other peoples' time, then why is it easier to ask for help over (Skizz mentioned using AOL for it, so we're just gonna use that for an example) Text or AOL rather than in person? You still take up the same amount of time and all that. I think at it's core, people don't like asking for help because we want to be in control. At it's heart, humans want to be in control. We don't want a boss, we want to be able to change and control everything. Asking for help is a way of admitting to a person that you can't do this thing by yourself, you need other people to do this thing. Essentially, you're saying that you aren't in control. This is why a lot of people deny Christianity, because people don't want someone in control of them. Btw this has to be one of the longest comments i've ever made lol. Otherwise, I love the podcast! Keep up the good work!

On the topic of Mental Health I'm the kind of person who bottles everything up, whether it's trauma or guilt, anything that eats away at me and I'm too afraid to ask for help for a few reasons I'm scared that if I go into Therapy everyone will think I'm a crazy person, but I'm not I just want to feel okay and sometimes it feels like saying goodbye is the only way that's possible. I'm also afraid that it's too late for me to be helped like I've held onto everything for so long it isn't possible to move on or heal, and lastly I tried Therapy once and my Therapist was more concerned about trying to convert me to her Religion than she was with helping me so I'm worried that all Therapists might not really want to help me. I know no one will read this comment and even if they did no one will care but to be honest I'm starting to slip and I'm considering checking out I just don't know how much more I can take and everything just gets worse and worse I'm tired I wish everything would be over I've gone on long enough.

i feel like Skizz called me out XD i have been in the situation where i needed to tell someone a secret and them telling me that "if i feel like its gonna hurt others or yourself that secret i can't hold" and i been like "nevermind then" and not just once but alot of times.. im not proud of myself at the time being so hostile and just scary to be around.. but i have changed and i think thats the most important thing. :D