Holiday Decisions. Damned if you do, damned if you don't 

Dear Tom, we all are very concerned as we haven't heard from you for quite some time. We really hope that you are doing good.

WHERE ARE YOU TOM? SEND US A SIGN THAT YOU ARE WITH US STILL AND FIGHTING. WE DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN'T MAKE MORE VIDEOS BECAUSE WHAT YOU HAVE GIVEN ALREADY IS A TREASURE TROVE TO THE WORLD.

I'm 6-years No Contact with my narcissistic family, and I'm way past caring about what they and other people think about me and why I want nothing to do with my toxic family. I don't need anyone's approval except my own. It feels great to take back my power and march to the beat of my own drum.

Stay away. That price is cheaper! My narc is dead and I’ll never see any flying monkeys again, so relieved!!!

They are going to talk about you ANYWAY. So, LIVE! Lx

Has anyone heard anything from Tom? We hope that you’re safe dear friend💕💕

I hope you are out there Tom, you were the first person i came across on my journey and i always felt safe and secure listening to your warm voice. I wish to hear you again soon, if there is anything we can help with please let us know. Or anyone that knows of Tom's situation could you be kind enough to pass on our love.

Tom you saved my life. This channel saved my life.

In my experience it isn't possible to have a relationship with any family member who is still connected to the narcissist. They inevitably turn out to be narcs themselves or flying monkeys. I have cut off almost my entire family because of this and it broke my heart.

Hi Tom please let us know if you are okay. Wishing you peace.

Narcissists raise their scapegoats to be people pleasers. When people pleasers grow up, they end up pleasing strangers and getting abused and taken advantaged of.

We miss you Tom, hope you are doing ok.

I hope you are doing okay. I miss you.

I decided not to go to any holiday gatherings this year. It’s my first year just not going. I decided to protect my healing process so as not to get thrown off track which always happens when I’m around any of them. 😔 it hurts not to see my nieces.

Tom I'm worried about you. we haven't heard from you in a long time hope everything is going well💓

It is Not worth it. I've been NO CONTACT.

I've watched countless videos by people who talk about narcissism over the years. You're the most emphatic one.

Please let us know if you are ok Tom. Sending peace and blessings your way.

hope you are ok dear Tom....you are greatly missed....

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KEEP DOING VIDEOS. I MISS THEM MORE THAN YOU KNOW. I HOPE YOU ARE OK AND DOING WELL. I LOOK AT YOUR CHANNEL EVERY SINGLE DAY AND WAIT FOR A NEW VIDEO. THEY WERE A LIFELINE FOR ME WHEN I FIRST STARTED TO REALIZE WHAT I HAD BEEN THROUGH AND HOW TO GO NO CONTACT. I'VE WATCHED ALL YOUR VIDEOS AT LEAST ONCE OR TWICE. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO REACH YOU SO I HOPE YOU SEE THIS COMMENT AND KNOW THAT WE ALL MISS YOU VERY MUCH! TAKE CARE.....YOUR LOYAL SUBSCRIBER AND SUPPORTER.....CJ

I must have Peace. Spending Christmas alone with the Most High, reading HIS WORD, and Praising Jesus' Holy Name. No validation from evil forces needed!

You described my 25yr marriage. Being scared to go to family functions because I would always be put on the spot by my husband. Why stay for 25yrs? I wanted him to truly accept and appreciate me. These videos have woke me up to who the real pronlem is. This channel has literally saved every part of my life

Tom, theres a brazilian youtube channel translating your videos to portuguese. Your job is phenomenal!! I was a victim of a narcisist relationship. Thank you for the help! 🇧🇷✌

Dear Tom, I hope you are doing ok wherever you are. I thought about you today and wanted to check if you were doing ok. It’s been a few months since this video and was worried about you, I hope you’re doing alright and staying safe during this pandemic. Take good care and I pray that you are safe and finding peace in your life. And I also want to thank you for your videos, I first found out about narcissism from you on your channel and it has literally saved my life and changed the way I viewed myself and the world. I am so thankful to you and I want to let you know that your videos have brought so much peace and healing to others. Thank you ❤️

Tom, we love you. And we wish you peace.

I find anyone that puts up with the narcissist contemptible. This is why I do not like the even sitting at a table with people that accept their behavior. These people very well maybe decent in and of themselves but the fact that they accept the narcissist discredits them for me.

Please let us know that you’re all right Tom! You’ve helped so many people like me. Sending up prayers 🙏 for you! 💜

Praying you're continuing to heal Tom. You are such a blessing, but look after yourself too 🙏 🤗

Havent participated in any "family" gatherings in years. I dont feel sad...I feel so strong and at peace. Flying monkeys keep asking why I wont talk to the Narc and that "family is family" so we need to stick together. This is where I end the conversation. Not once has anyone asked me why I dont want to come around anymore and not once has anyone asked what type of pain this person has caused me. If feels good that I am so much stronger than I was 3 years ago. Years ago I had no idea what a narc was and also was a severe people pleaser. Now I am the opposite and the people around cant stand the fact that I am not easily misguided or manipulated anymore. If this is your first year doing things differently for the holidays...please dont feel guilty. Its okay to spend it with friends and others who DO make you feel appreciated. You're not alone

I saw a view Videos about your story and i have to say i couldn't even listen anymore because its all too cruel. Its unbelievable that you survived out of your own strength .

I watch your videos often (since at least 2014) because you're honest, frank and always to the point. I hope you continue with your dialogue as you are helping thousands of people get a grip with the narcissists in their lives.

Thank you...I needed to hear this. I was feeling the exact emotions discussed in this video. Feeling guilty because I did not want to be in a hostile environment. My mother even threatened me that if she didn’t see my face on Christmas day, she would not give me a present/money. I told her she could keep it. I’m 57 years old..fed up..done.and liking myself for the first time in my life. I think this is going to be my best Christmas everrrrrrrr.

How are you Tom? Can you or your son please post an update?! Some of us miss you. 🙏❤️😀

Dear Tom, I do hope you’re ok. Wishing you a Merry Christmas. Keep safe and well x

Tom?! Can you let us know you are ok or not. We love you

I have been a people pleaser my whole life . I now understand how it took a toll over my life. Thank u for ur videos sir!!!Merry Christmas 🎄. Glad to see u back again.

You're a great man Tom and you've helped many. You should know that. Hope you're ok.

Sacrificing your self respect, your dignity to win the approval of your own blood MOTHER in PRIVATE is one thing, but submitting to humiliation of being put down before other family, purely for the narcs SICK pleasure and enjoyment... is a whole other kettle of fish, man oh man. I implore anyone suffering this debauchery to remember who you are, that you are one of gods children and as a human being deserve to be treated with kindness love and respect, FULL STOP, END OF STORY! There isn't any kin in the world whose opinion or judgement, made in passing, matters enough to sacrifice your innate dignity to. There are more self affirming ways to communicate with your relatives if you feel you must exonerate yourself of all unjust blame or false accusations. Meanwhile, pour all your energies into building yourself up physically, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually, because these form the foundations of rehabilating from abuse.

Thankyou I left the country and after 19years got off the plane went straight to my mum's house and was told your sister's are upset with your gossiping. WHAT. I Stayed a few days changed my airline ticket and returned home without a word.

Hi Tom, not sure if you'll see this, but I wanted to say a few years ago your videos really helped me go no contact with my narc family, and I do believe that was in the best interests of my wife and kids. Thank you. I see you've been inactive for over a year, so I hope all is ok with you.

Sure hope you are okay....so many people love you and miss you. Peace to you fine sir...

Miss you Tom :(

Hi, guys! Hope you are all fine. Does anyone know if Tom is ok? I guess if the donations are not allowed anymore, I am worried the worst could have happened. Og, God, Tom has helped so, so much! He was the first I listened about narcissism, and up to now, the only one who does this with compassion, care and intelligence. I am so sad, I miss hima lot, hope he is doing well, but I don't know,

Haven’t seen you post in a while. Hope you’re OK and well ❤️🙏🏻

We hope that you are ok Tom. Sending you lots of love. 💖 Thank you so much for all that you’ve given this community.💖

My NM mother acts all nicey nice to my kids to gain their respect, but then she'll turn around and start attacking me for almost nothing and become overly critical so as to belittle and smear me in front of them or others. Never fails.

Tom, you ok right now buddy? I’ve been thinking about you, and the NY situation. Hope you are well!! 💕 hugs

Where are you? I hope you are well. You are so missed. I hope to hear from you soon. ❤️❤️

I really, really hope you're doing well. We all would love it if you post more videos. We miss you!

Where is Tom? Miss your videos brother. God bless

There is NO pleasing the narcissist. Go, don’t go, either way you are screwed. So, do what YOU want to do because THEY are doing what’s in THEIR best interest EVERY TIME. Get a pitbull. They are so loving , almost like service dogs. THEY will love and appreciate you to no end!

🎁🎄♥️🍀 Luckily for me, my sister and I have overcome triangulation and have an understanding of covert narcissism. We support each other and can actually laugh at attempts to manipulate, control or embarrass. It can still be draining ofcourse.

I always watch you at holiday times !!! Thanks Tom. I need this community most at Christmas

Thanks for your videos, Tom. I'm just a faceless voice in the crowd for you, but your videos, out of the many out there on the topic, have helped me most, because through watching your raw emotionally honest account I get to access my own pain. I may be socially isolated, financially destitute and food insecure, but I have clarity and hope now and I know I can make it.

I would like to see some 2021 videos :)

Miss your wisdom and knowledge, I hope you are ok. Merry Christmas Tom x

Hey are you okay ? Just checking bc it’s been a year since your last vid post ✌️🤜 You’re my BROTHER💛

Hoping you're doing well. I haven't seen a video in a very long time which concerned me. Just know many of us are here for you. Positive prayers and thoughts your way. Just thinking of you & wishing you well.

I wanted you to know with YOUR videos that I discovered about 2years ago, I began my Journey to heal. You we're the starting point. Still in that Journey. Too complex to explain my history. You helped me tremandeously. Thanks to great Souls Like you who Share wisdom. Hope very much you are doing fine. Greetings from Germany.

I know what it is like to be debilitated by depression due to being raised by a narcissistic family and from abuse. It messes with your self esteem and your psyche, it's like a spell they put on you. Because of this I just want to urge you to keep making videos because I think that it will keep you out of that pit. I need to find something like this for myself too. Doing something like this keeps us connected with people and keeps us connected with our feelings and the truth. Be strong my friend. To anyone watching/reading this, the holidays are a facade of happiness, if they are about anything then they are about love and helping others. Go and volunteer with a charity if you are feeling disconnected this holiday season, or just give some time to a person you see sleeping out on the streets.

I miss you. I hope you are well but fear you are not. You helped me so, so much. You are the most compassionate person who truly understands and articulates what we have been through. I wish you well and hope one day you will feel able to post a brief update just to say goodbye and let us know how you are. Your videos are an enduring legacy that so many of us continue to benefit from. Thank you Tom. Lots of love 💕 (p.s. you look like Robert DeNiro!).

I really wish i had found you sooner... But it seems like you are done doing videos. Ive watched many of your older videos and I can tell that you have been a true friend to each of your subscribers. I pray you get the peace and love you deserve. Happy trails my friend

Dear Tom, I hope you are okay. Hope you're staying safe and well. you've helped so many people - Please let us know if you need anything.

I had watched his videos 4 -5 years ago, and they really helped me make the Decision to go No Contact w my Narc oldest brother. It has now been 4 years and Best. Decision. Ever! Where is Tom? Hope and Pray, now that I have found the channel again, OK. He deserves All the Best!!

THANK YOU, Tom, you alone have helped me understand my Mother's narcissistic personality disorder. I never understood the hatred she would continuously try to instill in me towards my sister. I couldn't get why she promised me "in secret" all her stocks 35 yrs ago. Why no unconditional love for her husband(s) or kids?? Why so Mean?? Etc. After I searched the internet looking for help / therapy-- l found YOU! There are many therapists speaking on the subject of npd but your testimonies of pain, abuse, and struggles you experienced in a family with a narcisistic mother hit the nail on the head. I am so sorry for all you endured at the hand of your horrid mother and uncle. Your messages broke my heart. Each of your tapes brought AH- ha moments for me and finally l was out of the fog--- l got it! I have been no contact for over 5 years and have healed more each day and truthfully feel more peace and joy and happiness in my heart and soul then ever before. Yes, some people don't understand but that is not my problem. A huge weight was lifted off of me when I went no contact and it just gets better and better all the time. I can breathe. My brother, The Golden Child is 60 years old I am 70 years old. Our mother (91 years old) is going through a time of major narcissistic rage. And Tom, you are so right when you said that a narcissist does not mellow with age!!!! She has recently gone into some crazy narcissistic rage episodes causing my bro to be publicly humiliated and brought to tears. He is the golden child (a grown man) and the only one who was to inherit her "carrot." NOW....she has given him the ax. All her $tuff will not be his after all. She is going to give it all to the Boys Town charity. I guess she's trying to buy her way into heaven. Also -@ the same time- she is demonstrating her cruel hatred for my brother who has been there for her for many years. I searched the internet for help and understanding of the hatefulness of my mom towatd me after she took away my inheritance of her stocks. She had promised me the stocks shortly after I was married some 35 years before she took them away. After watching and listening to your tapes I realized it was her carrot used to manipulate me through all those years of my marriage. She used the promise of an inheritance as her way to control me. Thank you, Tom, for shedding LIGHT on narcissistic abuse. I felt like a fool for not "getting it" sooner but better late than never. God Bless you with peace and joy in your life!

Hello from New Zealand. I keep looking out for new videos from you. Are you ok? I hope you are well.

Hi Tom, please let us know that you are okay. Just a quick hello. I can see by the notes that many of us are worried about you. Bless you!

This is the first Christmas since my brother died unexpectedly at 59. My parents passed over the last 8 years. Now I’m finally free of their controlling behavior and negativity. I wasn’t invited to my cousin’s for holidays all this time (due to them having my brother there and not wanting him to get upset), so it’s weird going over there now. Don’t feel like I have family anymore. Feel a little guilty over being no contact the last 16 months of my brother’s life, but I couldn’t stand his narcissism and nastiness anymore. God bless you and everyone going through this. ❤️

I'm wishing you Peace.

Merry Christmas Tom!

I have spent the last 10 years with no people for the holidays. Looking back, I tried so hard to get along. I realize that no matter what I would have done, it never mattered. Great to see you Tom! I hope you have a fantastic holiday season. I wish that for all here. I know many are still dealing with this very issue. ❤❤❤

Hi, NS, how are you these days??? Haven't heard from you for a while.

Dear Tom, I’ve been hoping you’re okay in these difficult times. Take care and keep safe

Thank you so much. 💓

Excellent message, Tom 🙏 Great to see you back! Wishing you a wonderful holiday season🎄

Recently went to a family event and I cannot tell you the number of needles and dig even with masks. Even at 6 feet away there will be a way to make me feel small and them, superior.

Hello, just checking in to see how you are doing. I hope you are doing well. I revisited some of your videos again. Many I wish I had listened to earlier. You are helping many people. Thank you for all of these videos.

Have a very blessed Christmas, Tom. So glad to see & hear you feeling better. Cheers!

hey dude, thank you for making videos .

Hi Tom. Hope your doing well I miss you and the videos you made. Haven't seen any in awhile. Hope you'll feel moved to make another one soon. Many folks have been growing in amazing ways with all the important knowledge out there about narcissisim. I think many narcissist are getting left in the dust. Folks may be lonelier by getting the narcs out of their lives, but are also getting a chance to heal at their own pace. God Bless You Tom!! 🙏☺💞

Accurate . I started to create my own family in the form of friendships . Then I got married - I invited no one from the relatives on my mothers side because she and her family are narcissistic evil beings . They were so mad lol my cousin , who is a covert narcissistic being , actually insulted me for not inviting her mother , I invited no one . I eloped . I had a cousin who did the same . And another cousin who moved to Florida and never even bothered to attend my grandfathers funeral. I thought they were extreme but I am just as extreme because my life matters! I am loved and deserve love and respect . My life isn’t a shrine to relatives . I create my life and my family and I’m happier than ever ! Those gatherings with relatives were crap. People walking around on eggshells because they’ve been talking about each other . I never even got most of the invites . My mother would tell me about a major event days before it happened so I can look stupid rushing to prep to attend . They can keep their events and shove it up their behinds 🤣 I am not even interested in hearing about them , their misfortunes or to even know if they’re alive. My mother abused me since I was a kid , physically . Then she abused me as an adult , physically, verbally and financially . Then she used my daughter as a golden child , used triangulation to her siblings so they can hate me ..... guess what.... I am sooooooo happy away from her and getting my daughter away from her . If she dies I may attend her funeral , or I may not . I’m far removed . Thanks. And if you love yourself and you realize there is goodness out there beyond your relatives , you will heal more quickly ! Don’t enter their homes , it’s a false sense of love . They don’t care for you. And they’ll witness the narc abuse you and do nothing and it will hurt you deeply . Drop them all. Trust me

Just discovered this channel. Where are you Tom? 🥺🙏🌟

The old damned if you do and damned if you don't. You are dead on again. You are always damned by the narc no matter what! That is the classic phychological abuse, mental beatings. The mental anguish we put ourselves through for this caught in the middle and either way you lose crap. Washing my hands of it all. You just have to let them think what they want and say what they want and not care. I cared for so many years and it started to drive me insane. Let that mess go and let them bad mouth me all they want. It is no longer any of my business. I disconnect from that hidden abuse. They seem to love it even more when you beat yourself up then they are like good I don't have to do all the work, your doing it for me." As they snicker inside and on outside play victim. It's all sick. Stop bad mouthing yourself for the narc. Take care of you

Checking how you're doing Tom. I hope you're ok 🙂

Tom, over the years, you have helped me more than you will ever know. At 60, I am still healing, but I finally realize that my NPD mother can no longer control any part of me.

Hope you are well and safe and well in these times

Are you okay Tom? We miss you and your amazing videos 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 thank you so much for sharing your life and struggles with us.

I'm just over one year no contact. Thank you for all your encouraging videos that helped me & others i sent them to tremendously. God bless.

Know you are Worthy of Love and you do have Love within you.

This will be my first Chrstmas, not spending with my Narc mom. My birthday was also this month, and I did not spend that date with her either. I feel like I'm split. One side feels relieved, and happy to just be me, and do the things that bring me joy, and the other side feels guilty and ashamed, and hiding in secrecy, for fear of being further ostracized by the flying monkeys. I plan to try and stay busy, around positive people, but this is literally crushing my soul.

Dear Tom THANK YOU...about 6 years ago at the tip of my awakening your videos were the first ones that sent me on the journey to see these efforts in my life by those the most closest to me. Changed my life and I finally had the answer to the missing pieces. It's a long journey and difficult but better to know and not be subjected to it. Thank you! Sincerely, Scapegoat

This last vid is 10months ago. Your videos helped me a lot on my healing journey. Hope you are doing well! Where you at bro? :(

Does anyone knows where is he?? It has been 7 months since he didn't uploaded!!!! I hope he's doing okay

Miss you sir hope you are well ❤️

It's so nice to have you back. Everything you talked about is what's going on in my life right now but I am going no contact. Thank you for your validation I really needed to hear this today and I hope you have a wonderful holiday

Happy holidays and thank you for a great video. I needed this as I’m gong through tons of anxiety.

You always hit the nail on its head thankyou for your videos they have helped me greatly x

I so needed this, thank you beautiful one 🥰

DON’T GO, STAY AWAY! But stay away for YOU, not to send a message to the narc or your family. Take care of yourself, great advice Tom!

Hi Tom, hope you are well, please let us know if you are in need of anything. ❤️