Had a wonderful music teacher years ago. Mr. Petrone. He stood in front of the class with a piece of paper. The piece of paper was Johnny’s self esteem/dignity/heart. He told a story about Johnny’s day, and with each incident he tore a piece of the paper and threw it away. Started with oversleeping and getting yelled at. No time for breakfast. Etc etc. I have never forgotten that. That was in 1979. Thank you Mr. petrone, and thank you too. Empathy.
I taught for 33 years in a Chapter 1 school. I would have given first month paycheck to have an administrator like you. Thank you for telling it like it is.
So VERY true! It also links in with what I’ve long said about standardised testing - they’d be fine if we taught standardised students with standardised abilities from standardised backgrounds who’d all had a standardised day. However, that never happened in my 39 years of teaching!
I agree. What makes it really difficult is when admin doesn't support you in this. I've had students who came into my classroom after a stressful time and after speaking with them quietly, we agreed that they needed to put their head down on their desk. They were awake and listening as much as their internal dialog would allow and they weren't being disruptive or disrespectful to me or anyone else in the class. Admin stepped in for a moment and observed this. Later, I was summoned to their office and reprimanded for allowing a student to "sleep" during class even though I explained the situation. They said I shouldn't have allowed it.😡
This is the problem. Everyone wants us to do everything with little to nothing. You can blame admin but let me tell you they are under a great deal of pressure to have their schools to perform. They have meetings with their scores for everyone to see. So maybe it’s not that they do not care and it’s about keeping their jobs.
I was a school secretary for many years in a Title I school. We had numerous tardy students every day. I started playing a game with myself everyday to see how many adjectives I could use to tell the students to enjoy the day - marvelous, spectacular and on and on. This was because many had no one at home to get them there on time. I was glad to try and bring a smile to start their day. Take care
Soooo true! If our students and coworkers are going through difficult times, the kindest thing we can do is give them a safe place to land. Let them know you understand especially if they’re confiding in you. ❤️
Gerry, you ARE the best! I am a retired teacher (didn't retire teaching Kindergarten until age 73 and was sad even then) and you are spot on to share your story and relate it to what kids are going through. I also havr 4 Gen Z grandchildren who all have some sort of neuro-diverse issues. I've learned so much from them about how they feel in certain situations and how to help accommodate them and students when these stressful situations occurr be it loud sounds, time crunch like you described, being hungry, too much stimulus, etc. I so appreciate your humor, but also your candor in sharing your own life experiences. Thank you for taking your time to be a TRUE educator!
We have so many children in Kindergarten this year that are truly struggling to maintain emotions in such a taxing day. It's heartbreaking at the amount of pressure we put on our five year Olds now. They are expected to read and write independently as well as solve algebraic word problems!! We teach bell to bell, no snack, no nap, just bam bam bam to the next activity. :(
There is so much stuff that has been packed into the curriculum that is not age appropriate. Yes, we have kids who are dealing with stressful things but even though I try to make time to take care of them, it's always go,go go.
Exactly ! I have worked in daycare and preschools as a substitute teacher. Hearing teachers yell at 3 year olds who do not understand the concept of sitting down more than plunk down in a chair, stand up, broke my heart. As a sub I had no say. But, I was always kind to the kids. Because even at the age of 4 and 5 it is difficult to sit for long to go from play station to play station to understand taking turns. Staff was put under supervision to follow strict standards kids who had behavioral issues were not seen as smart but as interfering with classroom standards. These are still babies ! Let them breath ! I experienced teachers who made me cringe ad they bullied yelled at children it was awful. I never yelled at a child ! Not all teachers are mean or bad people. Teachers of any age group are UNDERPAID, and deserve SUPPORT and less STRUCTURE. Let's give teachers a break abd ask them as well as the kids they teach " WHAT DO YOU THINK ?" And, let's listen. After I got done, I ran into a parent. She filled me in on her child. He has emotional and behavioral issues but is getting help. We both cried as she said to me, " You were the only one who ever said my child was smart."
We home school in part because our kids would end every school day this way. Certainly they might get to school stressed from a disrupted sleep the night before or mom yelling at them to grab their backpack or find their shoes. But by the end of the day my elementary kids had run into things like mean girls uninviting them to parties or inviting their friends and not them, teachers embarrassing them or getting mad at them for daydreaming, being punished or degraded or called liars for being able to read, teachers telling them "girls can't do that", and the school handing them candy and cake and high carb processed food all day and not letting them outside to play for more than a few minutes. One of my kids was hit by a boy a year older than her and knocked to the ground in kindergarten. I'd pick them up each day and spend the whole afternoon and evening trying to unwind them, just to have it happen the next day. That was 20 years ago, I'm sure it's worse now. Good video, hope it helps someone.
I tell the story of my middle daughter in all day kindergarten. No play time, little art, no music, just sitting at a desk for hours drilling on reading. At the end of the year the only kids that could read were the two who started the year able to read. Because you don't learn to read in that kind of environment, you turn off.
Exactly. Thank you. And then if children are in a for-profit (charter)school where there are no nurses, no counselors, and many teachers who don't even have a teaching degree….no educated mental health understanding or support. Nightmare.
In November I complained to my fellow high school teachers that "Our kids are broken. They're not like the kids we had pre-cov!d." and I don't know what little kernel of wisdom finally sank into the desert-land of my receptiveness and took root and grew, but I returned to school in January with a new perspective: THESE are the kids I'm here to teach, THOSE are the challenges they're facing that I'm not used to, HOW am I going to HELP the students. AND...... in what ways am I damaged by the events of this decade? HOW does it effect me, and how can I overcome those issues and serve my own needs, and the needs of the kids, and help them to heal? I have had a tremendous second semester. Not perfect, not worth writing home about, but it's better than the previous, that was better than the previous. Recognizing that there ARE difficulties is the first step, ACCEPTING that we have more work to do, and that we, too, are a victim of the extraordinary times within which we live...... those help us get past the barrier of rejection and the yearning for the past, and allow us to focus on tackling our challenges, one isssue at a time. And yeah.... during the lockdown, I can still remember trying to teach kids living in a tiny little house, with their parents active employment on full display..... which included horizontal personal entertainment, and personal chemical enhancement.
@@Dysgyzed Copy paste is your friend, you can attribute it to me or not. But it is from my true heart and soul. And since I wrote that, it has gotten better. Every day a little better. Every opportunity embraced instead of rejected brings me and hopefully my students closer to healing. Everyone bears the scars of the life they've been presented with. Sometimes from choices, sometimes from acts entirely beyond our control.
I will never forget in 6th grade, one of my classmates Dad had been arrested for domestic abuse. It was on the news before school. Back in the 80’s Parents talked to their kids. They Young Lady was sent to school(as were her Older Sisters). I believe every Parent said something to their child before we all went to school. Not one of us said anything bad. Throughout the day, her older Sisters were allowed to come and check on her, and throughout the day we all gave her grace and kindness. In seconds grade, one of our classmates Dad passed away, that was also on the news. 2 days later she came back to school. We all tried to cheer her up. Parents talked to their kids, we knew what was on the news and as mean as kids were, when something bad happened, we were made aware and we were all expected, as kids, to be our best for others. I wish we would go back to this.
I'm wondering, if why parents don't talk to their kids about hard things and don't prepare their kids for treating the other kids with kindness and understanding is that they don't know. And they don't know because it's not on TV. It's on the tiktik and Snapchat feed their kid is scrawling through.... But, even before social media and even without news, people will always be going through struggles we know nothing about 💔
This is why I keep Nutragrain bars in my classroom. Even if a student has never done a lick of work, if they want one, they get one (or 2). This is also why, when one of my students has their head down, I tell them to take a 5 minute nap. I then "forget" to wake them for a few extra minutes. I didn't give birth to them, but they are all my children!
This is great but what if you are a teacher who is raising six children on her own because her husband died. This teacher can barely make it themselves. So now I am made to feel guilty because I cannot afford snacks for my students??
@@marygrise8490 - Why are you taking my comment personally? I don't even know you, so how could I say something against you?? Stop going 20 miles out of your way to get offended by something that wasn't even directed at you! You can support your students with a pat on the back, a listening ear, or a good phobe call home. None of those cost money.
@@carenlettofsky3045 I am not taking anything personally. I believe that you are doing that. My response was not even about me. I made a mistake and said I at the end but it was about a teacher who felt singled out because she could not afford to get her kids snacks or anything extra. She always felt guilty about that. Of course she gave them pats on the back and all the free stuff. I was just wanting you to be aware that if a teacher does not do what you are doing please know it maybe because that teacher cannot afford it.
Very well said. I taught special education for 4 decades. I would have plans for the day for each student, but the minute some students walked through the door and I saw the upset looks on their faces and intheir eyes, I would change my plans for those particular students. No real learning could possibly take place when those students were in the fight or flight mode. I love the way you explained this to those who watch your videos.
Such a true realization of the ACEs kids and staff face. Thanks for humbling us all and reminding us that showing empathy, compassion and validation can help students with having connections at school. Positive experiences of having someone to go to when stressed and dysregulated can promote resilience.
Yes, yes, yes - it is not only at school, it is also happening in corporate America as well. I work for a high tech company. You'd be surprised at the lack of concern, empathy, and sympathy that occurs during phone meetings with others. Someone has a slight issue, there is a small background noise and it never fails - someone ask whoever has that noise in the background to mute themselves. No sympathy, no understanding, no being tolerant and trying to get along. Covid was a bad time but at least during that time there was some resemblance of sympathy and understanding but no more. Amazing.
Interesting to see the spectrum of comments from teachers - One one hand, admin & districts that still don't understand this, in 2024; On the other hand, where the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction. Kids need love and boundaries. The magical blend is different for each kid & each situation.
I'm a teacher and a mom, with a lot of struggles at home. When we had a hard morning, I always told my kids' teachers. It was embarrassing as all heck, but I wanted to give my kids the opportunity to get a little empathy and understanding from their teachers. Since I wasn't able to give it to them at home. This is such a good reminder to me. I can be pretty rough with my firsties sometimes, and not as understanding as I would wish for my own children.
While I totally agree with you, I have seen this morph where there are no behavior expectations at all. Even with your day beginning like that you didn't cuss people out or try to fight the flight attendant. We need balance in all things...sympathy and understanding while teaching coping skills and some level of emotional control. As always love your videos❤️
A wonderful lesson and spot-on! It's proof, too, that teachers need more resources to deal with our students. Imagine having 30 students in your frame of mind all day and being expected to teach them. Imagine 30 of you on standardized testing day. Our teachers have as much on them as our students do.
You are exactly right. Teachers really don't have any idea of what our students live through at home. Your crying over women getting haircuts they love...I'm so proud of the real man you are ❤
Some of the most unacknowledged states that are at the root of a lot of personal and interpersonal conflicts are: tired, hungry, multitasking. All lead to a form of exhaustion and related hyperactivity that make reasoning cloudy, patience short and empathy very difficult.
🚨 THIS 🚨 Mr. Gerry Brooks 🚨 THIS 🚨 I Live With My Grandma She's 85 Years Young. She Was 1 of 12 Children. My Grandpa Was 1 Of 20 Children. My Grandma And My Grandpa Were Married 60 Years. They Had 6 Children. I Moved In And Helped My Grandma With My Grandpa He Had Alzheimer's. My Grandpa Passed Away. Now It's Grandma And I. My Grandma Is Single And Childless Now And She Is Trying To Get Use To This 'New Life' The Family Does Not Understand Because She Was Always There For Them Yet They Don't Understand In Her 85 Years She Has Been Through A Lot. She Now Has 4 Children Alive And 3 Siblings Alive, A Grandchild Passed Away 9 Months Ago...... The Family Doesn't Understand Thank The Lord She's Healthy, Walking, Talking, Driving, Cooking ( We Take Turns With ALL Of That) And She Travels From Time To Time. Give People Space And Grace ❤️🙏❤️
God dammit Gerry Brooks. Now I feel ashamed. You're right. I have a child who physically hurts me/other students/paras, etc. And they had been doing better.... But they had a really terrible week this week, which means I had a terrible week this week. And I figured something was going on, and I tried to reset everyday, but yesterday I was just at the end of my rope. Thank you for the reminder. I'll try again next week.
I'm a 72 year old teacher and it is only getting worse. The kids are out of control, not learning and we are not allowed to say no or use any form of reasonable discipline. We are not allowed to touch them ( such as a light tap on the back) or hug them. Thank you Gerry your videos are either meaningful or hilarious. Love from Toronto, Ontario, Canada.❤
Gerry---a Raider!! I remember you, and I have followed your videos for years. Just shared this one on my FB page. It's relatable to all walks of life, not just students. I hope I was able to be this compassionate. Now retired 13 years. Marlyn Foell, RHS art teacher. YOU make us so proud.
I FEEL this so hard!! I am often unable to regulate my emotions. I had THE WORST day today. It started out rough. Then it spiraled for a while. Then I attempted to refulate with yoga. Felt better. Was still a little f'd... I went to an appointment where the "professional" was very condescending and had an attitude. I expressed that I wasn't cool with that... he reacted strongly and unprofessionally. This was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I'm still 6 hours later... feeling viciously disregulated... hoping a shower helps
Then don't take off points on teacher evaluations if students don't comply with directions. Or that some of them may be sleeping in class. Or because students refuse to complete class work. Don't be so focused on data collection.
Thank you for sharing this. It's soo true. I greet my students at the door. And they know that if they're having a bad day, we have a signal, and they just let me know. This way, I can make sure that they get the empathy and the sympathy that they need for that day. They know that they can ask their teacher if they're in a different class. If they can come back to mine. And I'll let them in because I've had bad days too.
I'm sorry you had such a difficult childhood. Everyone deserves better. Sadly, I doubt you actually kept it all to yourself, you likely were simply unaware of how you affected others.
I am sympathetic with my students and peers. It's administration and district that keeps us 'make them do it.' I stop and let students be human, and myself be human with the students. Admin and district hound us (staff and students) like we are robots and the outcome MUST be perfect - even though they state no-one is perfect, and it's okay to be off on days. However, when they are checking in, you and the students must be perfect. It's what they expect to look good.
I understand what you are saying but you did regulate your emotions to some extent. You did not throw the Starbucks drink at the person who got it wrong, right?? You were frustrated and that’s it. So, even though you were not your normal self you were able to not assault someone. This is what we need to teach children. It’s ok to be frustrated but you cannot physically or mentally hurt someone because you are having a bad day.
Absolutely true, but self-reg has to be learned and a student being perpetually stressed has no opportunity to learn how to pause, observe, reflect,, practice regulation, and see the benefits. He's in constant survival mode, and then behaves in a way that dominoes stress onto the kids around him. It's the responsibility of the adults to create an environment where healthy behavior can be developed.
I agree with you but there needs to be consequences as well. For example, I had a student that when he got angry all he wanted to do is throw chairs. He had a consequence and I told him that it was natural to feel angry but it’s not ok to throw things. He got a consequence and then I told him what he could do instead. We practiced it. He eventually stopped throwing chairs and learned how to regulate and control his anger. I also taught him the positive consequence of regulating himself and it was not a piece of candy. It was people will listen to him, he will not hurt someone or himself. By the end of the year this student was a different person. But he had consequences plus tools that would help him.
@@marygrise8490 In the end, and I'm not suggesting you can't have a set imposed consequence, real world cause and effect is what will teach anyone (including children) most thoroughly. So just as your positive consequence was actual a real result of choosing to not be destructive, when he was choosing to be destructive the biggest and most important consequence for him was not going to be losing his favorite whatever or sitting in time out, it was going to be losing the approval of a person he valued. Whatever the artificial consequence you gave him might have been, it was at best a placeholder or reminder, something more tangible for his brain to hang on to, but what really matters to a person is people. So this is the problem with modern schools, the adults do not value relationships with the students and can't get themselves out of their own way enough to see the mixed signals they are giving the children. Everyone is so stressed that students trying to gain the respect of a teacher will often still get negative feedback because the teacher is not tuned in to what she is showing. I had a student in middle school who could not read and had almost completely given up come into my classroom one day and turn in an assignment after class. There was another teacher there, and when she saw him do that she said his name sarcastically and had a scornful, disgusted look on her face. So you being who you are, whatever methods you decide to use, was probably the deciding factor in that situation. So much in teacher ed focuses on finding the "right" method, but many methods can be fine if used for the right reason by the right teacher, and none will work if used for the wrong reason by a teacher who is disinterested in the wellbeing of the student in front of her.
People who can’t understand this have no business working with children. I said it, and I mean it. Nothing you said here indicated that we let children choose violence. People who baulk at the idea of empathy really need to self reflect on who hurt them.
And I Thank you for sharing this. I taught my children to show grace to the people they encounter throughout the day because you do not know what baggage they are carrying or what they may have experienced at the beginning of their day. "Don't get mad". I said to them. Give them a minute. At the end of that minute, try again. If there is still a problem. Say to them. "The only thing I require from you is that you do your job. I ask no more than that." Then smile. Say "Good morning and state your business.
Very well done. We tell our family to be more patient with their teens, especially. Do not be dismissive. Listen to them. They’ll end up in your lap crying it out and hugging you. At that point they ask you for help and they are ready to listen and just maybe you can offer guidance that will be accepted.
My only question is: what does that sympathy look like? I don't think I have ever had a colleague that would disagree with that. But we do disagree on the solution.
I imagine that sympathy would look vastly different depending on the person. There’s not a one size fits all answer, for example a quiet reserved person wouldn’t want the same show of sympathy that a highly social person would want. Not sure I’m right, in real life I just count on gut instinct and prayer and I can miss the mark!
