How Avoidants React To Rejection (How To Get Your Ex Back) 

Lol yip. No truer words

Lmao

Awe avoidants need love too.

@@aquaearthnfirequ_pinsnsavi1721Not at the expense of others. No.

2004-2013 find out my parter was a avoidant and she didn’t let me leave my table during breakfast and lunch. 😂 I didn’t make a first move, she just flirting with me.@@aquaearthnfirequ_pinsnsavi1721

Avoidants are anything but gentle, trying to deal with them is like handling a child in an adults body.

@@Apbt-rv7zwso true, they are soooo immature! No emotional intelligence, but mine is so kind and thoughtful. Makes it hard to let go,

Yes, both needs to work together.

They’ll blindside you too, you never know when it’s going to happen- sudden ghosting and break up out of nowhere

Only if you care…let them deal with their ish…when they are ready to talk they will…and if you want to talk at that point talk ….if not….REJECT THEM MERCILESSLY !!!!!! Them allow them to simmer in the pot that they made for you …. I loved an avoidant with my whole heart but he told me a story of himself where he liked a girl that rejected him so he dated her best friend made her fall in love and then dumped them so he would hurt them BOTH….”but I then I thought about it and I said to myself I made a mistake let me get back with the first girl” he told me our entire relationship right there ….so when I said no to being told if I didn’t give him my body on command after 4 days if meeting him and then he threatened me to go have sex with strangers ….i told him to dip his dickydoo in the trash if he wanted to that I was absolutely fine with that but it would never be me… this started the cycle of him trying to get one in and then dump me …. He spent 8 months trying to find a way to butter me up and then dump me ….it never happened ….in the end he ended up crying and telling me that he’d never felt that way about anyone in his life that he wanted me but he was scared to follow his heart….then promptly accused me of trying to force my way into his house (I knocked on the doors) and I just blocked him after that ….he called a week later from some unknown number when I had blocked on my phone …. It’s sad because I understand him ….but what I’m immune to is mind games….its been years and he has never gotten over me ….by his own admission he has tried to date but nobody makes him feel the same way I do…. The part that annoys tf out of me is that I feel the EXACT same way. But what can I do ….i love a broken man and broken men can only break people….hes been in 6 or so relationshittrs and he always reaches out and as much as i would like to just love him I can’t because he’s afraid of how much he feels for me it doesn’t feel safe because it’s something he cannot control. If he said he was sorry (truly sorry) for what he’s done and tried without the crazy making I would forgive him -I know he’s got problems and therapy has helped me see and learn how to handle some of those problems but you can’t love a guy that’s broken and blames you for everything that he has done…Da or Narc - I’m the phantom ex I’m the ghost in the darkness that haunts all the not me’s he tries to sooth himself with ….but to this day IM THE ONE HE WANTS when I agree to see him he clings to me like a child he doesn’t let go of me I pity him because he’s too afraid to get the love that he wants so it’s safer to wash rinse and repeat with people that are not what he wants because it’s safer to feel less. Sad …. We both suffered because of his issues. I had to make the choice to focus on my own oxygen mask because he wants me there AND wants to punish me for the fact that I left …. Because of his actions

Yeah mine did a 180. We had an amazing weekend together, and it really felt like we were madly in love. Then the following weekend she broke things off. Blindsided is an understatement

Me too, I distanced from my ex and he opted to ignore me, couple months later I relented and said we could be friendly because I loved him and was less triggered, still ignoring me. But not blocked. The need for control is unreal, self sabotaging, and immature. Who can build a life with someone who can’t communicate like an adult?

I am in a similar situation😢 I finally set a boundary with my ex and asked him not to contact me anymore 2 months ago (he broke up with me 17months ago) He started sending breadcrumbs again recently but I don’t feel bad ignoring him now, and I feel the same as you, he needs to decide he really wants me in his life and show me. I am really disappointed with how things have turned out after an 11yr relationship with him, but as you said I feel more at peace now not having contact with him and feeling in limbo and stressed how to reply to him and repeatedly getting rejected. I feel more in control now at least. I still want him back, but not unless he comes to me on his own. I wont try to talk him into anything ever again. If he does come back now things will be different

Its not that they want to play games… there is a trauma there …

@@museoflove8255true but Alexis said in one video if they aren’t willing to look at themselves don’t continue trying. It’s the foundation for mutual understanding

same situation here but for 2 years. we can make it

❤️

Did not play out well… she’s emotionally unavailable

@OkoruwaProgress-kj5ro I would

That's the only way they feel safe with connection

@@MsNay83 please say more

@@MsNay83you saying that becoming physical will help them feel safe? Or are you saying they just want fwb situations

​@greciarojas7265 sorry for missing this! They feel unsafe with normal expressions of emotion because it was unsafe and inconsistent or absent altogether in youth. So sex serves as a way to bond, albeit a shallow one because they guard against deep emotion (again, because that's unsafe).

​@@Gbb93to clarify: they like to keep things surface level to stay safe. Sexual intimacy can be compartmentalized. When there are actual emotions and conflict though, it's not a safe domain and they'll bounce again. I dated an avoidant who had an on/off again relationship for several years where he kept his exes close enough so he could call on them for quick dalliances and then would message them calling them "buddy" or "friend". It's kind of grotesque.

You're welcome.

Just move on. You’re setting yourself up for a toxic relationship. You’ll resent it

You go no contact for good unless they demonstrate that they’ve radically transformed

Most of the time yes.

Don't waste your time on him. Its not worth it.

I really ask myself how so many people let them be disrespected like this.. Its really sad to see. One life to live, so many beautiful souls to meet and you clinge onto one thats is broken. If I can suggest you, please work on your self concept and start telling yourself affirmations in the mirror. Its the first step to free yourself from this situation.

If you love each other and he's willing to change and open up, then you're not wasting your time.

Don't answer unless it is a significant message with self reflection

You tell him clearly that you have boundaries and are focused on improving your life.

Why?

you’re a joke.

They can learn healthy coping mecanisms, but they will never become securely attached.