How Bad Is Social Media For Your Mental Health? - Seerut Chawla 

Hello you beauties. Access all episodes 10 hours earlier than RU-vid by Subscribing on Spotify - spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - apple.co/2MNqIgw. Here’s the timestamps: 00:00 Seerut’s Issue With Coddling 03:27 Negatives of an Overprotective Society 10:00 What We Get Wrong About Victimhood 17:30 Lowering the Bar of What is Unacceptable 26:19 Obsessing Over Our Own Emotions 31:30 How Therapy Has Changed Our Culture 40:14 Are People Actually Discussing Real Mental Health? 46:00 Best Things to Rely On to Improve Mood 54:21 Why the West is Self-Obsessed 58:38 How People Misunderstand Self-Worth 1:02:53 Looking to Sam Harris as an Example 1:11:50 Where to Find Seerut

Regarding the "everyone is traumatized" point it hit home pretty hard. Ive met several women lately who said they were traumatized and acted like it over their exes behavior. Their truama consisted of their ex refusing to clean up around the house, do anything for them, and just generally being lazy and expecting them to be their mother. Neither woman were in therapy or had been to a psychologist. When i discussed relationship trauma my examples were constant gaslighting and emotional and verbal abuse from my ex. Clearly different situations, but they dismissed mine and claimed it was the same. When I mention other traumatic experiences (im in law enforcement) like recovering bodies, child abuse cases, murders, watching people die, truamatic injuries, fighting people, active shootings, almost having to shoot people, again its dismissed. Ive got actual verfied trauma, but alot of young people think their boyfriend not doing chores is the same things ive been through. And im not running around wallowing in my trauma like they are.

Brilliant episode Chris. As a licensed therapist this was so refreshing to listen to. She was so on the money about the topics that were discussed. I have never heard of her before but I’m glad you gave her a platform to talk.

Conclusion so far, after 38 minutes of listening: People on the internet are just unbearably obnoxious. This mental health content from Instagram has crept into my timeline recently, during a time when I had a minor disagreement with a really good friend. After a while, I noticed that some of the posts I was reading were making me angry at him and feeling more entitled. Fortunately, I noticed and was able to shake it off. Might have cost me the friendship if I went down that rabbit hole.

It’s such a relief to be hearing this conversation. I thought something must be wrong with me because I have been through things that’s I have done a lot of work to resolve. I’m constantly striving to have healthy coping mechanisms and not wallow in feeling sorry for myself. I’ve been criticized for that, as if being resilient is a character flaw now. I’ve also been able to keep my sense of compassion and even improve my feelings of empathy for others. I think that’s good, but I can’t talk about it because our culture has commodified victim hood. If you’re not dwelling in “your trauma,” you’re somehow a heartless robot.

I love that you are direct. People cannot handle those who are direct because it means their illusions are destroyed. You’re right, they want their egos coddled!

I love Seerut, such a refreshing voice in this space. thanks for having her on!

She is dropping some hard facts, and to hear it from a woman is reassuring more than anyone can state. Social media has given rise to some of the most dangerous echo chambers we have ever seen, and the government is failing to balance its ability to regulate itself in its hunt for being the biggest influencer instead of the governing body it is supposed to be.

It's all about response. Becoming an adult is learning the skills and self control to respond to life properly. In a healthy way.

As a licensed therapist (and behavior analyst) who began practicing before anyone ever heard of the internet... I've noticed a few things. One that has always been around is that only those who are suffering from -- insert Dx here -- can really understand. Support groups reinforce this when members' distress is validated. We all need validation... however, without professional evidence-based treatment and guidance, that validation can keep people stuck in their distress. Another thing is that people are too willing to believe what they hear or see online to the exclusion of valid, credentialed, science-based sources. Professional journals, organizations, and state-licensed clinicians abound yet people are duped by the shiniest, smiliest, self-proclaimed 'experts'. Which brings me to the relentless marketing that steers us to the product or service being sold -- the profit motive. Rating product performance is useful. Constantly judging/rating people is problematic.

This conversation crystallises a lot of thoughts I've been having, but not had the language or examples to communicate. I (like everyone) see's and hears all of this inflammatory language and have been increasingly frustrated with it. Thanks for this.

Psychostrology. Best description I’ve heard ever.

I love these types of conversations. My analytical brain is curious if we have confused our physiological programming by cursing ourselves with relying on screens for connection. I am not sure if that makes sense. I love learning how and why we do things, etc. I have no educational fancy paper, I am an everyday person with life experience. I believe that the more we remove community and in person connection from our lives, we leave our brains/bodies grasping for whatever if easily accessible (examples: screens, trolls = need attention, victimhood, inability to seek proper help to move forward from a 'difficult chapter/season' in ones life, etc.) I will leave it at that. I need to go elaborate with a friend in person, rather than typing to myself, lol. Sending light and love to all! God bless!

There is always one person that goes for the extreme in opposition. Never fails.

First 20 years were very abusive. I survived. I’m working on the after-effects. I don't fear men, or think men are villains. I was a victim. I had no choice. However, I’m not a victim anymore.

This was an excellent interview with Seerut Chawla. I love how she shed light on people's notion of bandwagon hoppers who need validation for their irrational feelings. Also demystifying the whole Instagram fluffy therapy trend.

I had parents that tried to coddle me, but I mostly rejected it. Some of it still got to me though. As an adult now, I don't feel like I have complete autonomy like many others do, but I'm still able to take care of myself and figure out how to do things.

What a moving and much needed conversation - with such a wonderful human. Thank you.

This interview touched me deeply , thank you for this amazing interview, the lady is so touching ❤

I knew a couple in their late 40s with a early 20 year old boy living at home. He and his friends went to Vegas and he hooked up with a stripper which resulted in a pregnancy (unknown to the kid). She had the baby, then sued the kid for child support. The parents of the kid spent the next 2 years in custody battle for the baby. Now they are supporting the kid AND raising his baby. I always think about how many safety nets there are now how they can significantly reduce people’s ability to grow up.

I find Seerut so inspiring. Thank you for sharing this conversation, thank you for making a point on the importance of telling the truth, both to yourself and others.

This was really interesting. I started thinking recently that many terms related to emotional abuse can also be used to prevent others from being able to express themselves. I've been through this with my sister, who I don't feel I can disagree with or say no to as it's seen as passive aggression, abuse or discrimination. She has all these stories in which she's a victim, including within our family. They don't all match my own experiences, but everything I say is twisted to fit. It's slowly wrecked our relationship and it's impossible to resolve with someone that sees attempts to do so as treating them unfairly in some way. There're all these lists on how to spot abusive behaviour, which can help in a lot of cases, but can also lead to seeing it everywhere. Disagreements are a normal part of a healthy relationship. Knowing you can work through them with someone builds trust. I've made a lot of mistakes in how I've managed my anxiety. I always felt this pressure to be happy all the time and I think reading self help books has contributed to some of that. I feel better telling myself that it's ok not to feel happy.

I love what this guest has to say, and especially the honest and forthright manner in which she says it. That said, my overdeveloped sense of irony had me in stitches due to the fact that the episode was constantly interrupted by RU-vid adverts, literally every one of which was flogging some get rich quick scheme, female pick-up artist, or pop-psych guru, everything that both the episode and the channel stand against.

I am shocked that we can still talk about all this things like grown ups, without being 'triggered' from the first second. Extremelly refreshing approach. I'm loving this episode.

This is a perfect example of hearing or reading someone say what you have believed for a long time but lacked the way of framing it.

Finally people are called out who claim they are traumatized yet wouldn't last a single day in the aftermath of real trauma. Those wearing trauma as an accomplishment aren't traumatized. Those have truly gone through dying yet survived don't gloat about it because they know they are only breathing by chance. Trauma is only when you could have died or died yet survived, or saw someone die or saw someone who could have died. Not much people say is trauma is actual trauma. Actual trauma will change your entire life until you don't recognize yourself anymore because actual trauma is separation from the self because of the threat of actual death. Nobody would wish it on themselves or wear it as a badge of accomplishment because actual trauma completely stops one from living until they overcome it and rise from the ashes. Some people never rise up after trauma and it could have something to do with the watering down of trauma making it more and more difficult to access effective treatment.

Thank you Seerut. This has been incredibly enjoyable to listen to. You have 'hit the nail' in everything you said😊

A banger of an episode. Loved this.

Incredible dialogue and a lot of great points here!

C.B.T. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Think. Act. Heal. That is the type of therapy that works best. It must include examining and improving ones actions. Period. If your therapist keeps you coming back for years, and you have not stopped doing certain things, and have not started doing certain things, that is not therapy, that is a charlatan stealing your money. Do. Something. DO. ACT. STOP ACTING. That is therapy. Not endlessly soliloquizing ad nauseum about how horrible your life has become. Do. Something.

This is a fantastic interview

Woooow. This woman is amazing!!!!!!!

This was a fantastic conversation to listen to, so many people these days are self diagnosing or diagnosing others and it's all internet lead. I'd never heard the word narcissist ten years ago, now everyone I know talks about various people in our social circle and labels them narcs. It also seems to be very cool to label yourself neurodivergent, or a victim, with people adopting these things as identities. And of course this leads into the hundred or so gender identies, which to me is nonsense, why do people feel this overwhelming need to "identify" as ND, a victim or non-binary, or tri-gender, pansexual and so on? I feel like the world has gone a bit bloody mad.

Legion of parrots with platforms..😂 such a great line. Thoroughly enjoyed this episode. Shout out to Chris. Been listening to these interviews for awhile now. Great stuff. Very helpful.

Phenomenal podcast. One of the best I’ve ever seen and I’m only halfway through.

I think a lot of this fragility or whatever it is, is actually a consequence of weaker communal ties and a smaller social support network.

What an interesting and insightful woman. I think she is spot on with a lot of what is going on today.

Good for You!

I’ve been called weird, and bullied for it. Temperamental, picky etc etc. It hurt. Got my diagnosis of ADHD in my 50s. It all makes sense. Is it my personality? In a way. And the reason I tell people is for them to understand. I love this channel. Not everything is interesting but still educational. And if the subject is boring to me, I just scroll. On the whole, best podcast out there.

She is awesome!

Phenomenal podcast really resonated with me

Loooooooove this woman!

Very good interview. It was very good reality check and regarding helicopter parents you hit it in heart.

The barnum effect describes the tendecy of humans to project vague things like horoscopes and tarot on them selfs. Its my favorite besides dunning kruger effect.

what a beautiful and intelligent woman, hope to hear more of what she has to say.

She is a marvelous example of someone who is grounded and understands the reality of being human. Life is not a bowl of cherries, referring to an ancient metaphor. We all wish it were. But it’s not. I would not want to have to be young in the world as it is today. I am one of the spoiled boomers… free ranging childhood with parents who had a lot of difficulties, knowing how to raise children. But there was no question we were loved and that they wanted the best for us, but they didn’t micromanage and they certainly didn’t coddle us. And I think there’s so much truth to the fact that if you don’t have helicopter over indulgent parents, you are ready to check out the world, explore, make mistakes, suffer, have to figure out what is going on within and without. It is terrifying to realize we have a whole generation that has not had could be identified as a more “typical” human childhood. Too much social media, screen time, indulgent support systems, such as helicopter parents and elementary /high school/arts colleges, indulging every emotion that sweeps through the group. Will they ever be ready to face the real world which will have no tolerance for any of this? Thank you for a marvelous conversation! Your guest is a Breath of freshness in this day and age! ❤

What a wonderfully levelheaded conversation about mental health! This was a really good and timely reality check. Very useful to hear from someone who can define the terms and describe how they are being appropriated by people who may well have some kind of issue going on, but trauma isn't one of them. Seems like the backlash to coddling that must surely be coming, is raising kids barefoot in the wilderness. ;) I'm kidding, there will soon not be any wilderness left... ;)

Great chat Chris! Thx for this! JS

The whole world needs a 12-step program. Though one never, "graduates", one grows phenomenally. It works if YOU WORK IT! Humility, the desire to learn. Always remember, for every finger that you point, three are pointing back to you!

I just wanted mention my appreciation for Dr. Chawla's brief mention of OCD and intrusive negative thoughts. While it's not a topic for a show like this one, it IS a topic that should be "lifted up" (as the cool kids say) more often.

Why does everyone talk about how complicated the war is and how you’d be a fool to think anything simple will fix it but then offer an extremely simple statement like “stop bombing children”. Do you think they want to bomb children? You can say how it’s a very difficult war to understand but then state something foolish

The reason why survivors do not want to be seen as a victim is... being (seen as) a victim steals our strength. We survive. We rise. We thrive. Thank you both for your work.

The more I listened, the more awesome this discussion became. I want to share it with a couple people, but they might get triggered...

Haven't even listened to the podcast yet and I already agree with the title.

I love this person!!! 🎉

At around this timepoint (43:59) Chris is talking about needing to treat people who don't meet DSM criteria, which is correct. Those people who don't meet criteria who are still distressed or having issues with daily functioning would likely be considered sub-clinical and we still treat people who don't meet the criteria for any disorder. We don't just turn them away. Well, I would hope all people who treat mental health concerns wouldn't turn them away. Also, Chris said that what they suffer from is something other than mental health, but that's not true (and I understand that he's trying to find the words to describe it), but it is a mental health concern even if it doesn't meet the criteria, it's just not a clinical diagnosis.

10:45 victimhood culture is narcissism nornalized at a societal level. It sounds like an exaggeration, but if you've ever had to spend prolonged periods with narcissists, you'd very much understand.

"you invalidated me!" "So fucking what? You're an adult" So good Seerut. This exactly.

Never knew Seerut was an Irish name 😂 great episode so far! Happy New Year!

She's awesome ...

So interesting 🎉!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sports helps peoples mental health allot. It makes people recognize that the head is attached to the body.

For this reason, I've tried to find a woman that doesn't use social media. So far I've been single for only 3 years! Err I mean decades

It's amazing how you get people who on the one hand want to destigmatize having psychological conditions and seeking help for those and will use them to relieve themselves of accountability, but on the other hand they will weaponize those terms because it's the more politically correct way to insult people or something. Like if I have narcissism, doesn't that mean my behavior is beyond my control and you can't judge me for it so you should actually be defending me?

I’ve come to see victim culture as being “a love affair with pain” Because sympathy is the lowest hanging fruit in the attention seeking game & a fast track to unearned virtue by presenting as someone incapable of the evils of your perpetrators. It’s a pathological level of responsibility avoidance combined with lazy social neediness.

“When you want to help people,you tell them the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear”. Thomas Sowell. Ask yourself "How many lives was I meant to live?" In truth 1 and small parts of as many as you have fingers!

Ironically found her content on Instagram fantastic, more than this long form. She calls bullshit on things that needs to be done more often x

I don't have Instagram, Tik Tok, Twitter or Facebook. Only RU-vid. I am free and happy 🕊😊

I absolutely loved this discussion. Seerut always cuts right through the nonsense and BS to the core. Watching the concept creep of therapy language into our social media spaces and subsequently our real lives has been a weird experience. I'm an artist and a "feel your feelings" person, but even to me, this stuff smells like self-indulgent garbage. Thanks for a great talk!

56:23 1:07:53 Accurate. Happy new year Chris! Great to learn many skills and life lessons from you. Thank you.

It's scary to see adults with less resilience than my 9 year old.

sometimes I have anxiety that moving and doing exercise does nothing to make it better

Excellent conversation. Was a nice break not being bombarded by ads.

I think the issue is that victimhood has become a commodity and has a privileged status around it. To be clear, I'm not saying the trauma itself brings you benefits, rather the status of 'one who has been victimized' can bring an array of social benefits.

I just went to seerut triggernometry ep. Didn't know we shared the same city. Ofcourse there's like 15 yr gap between that sharing. And I havnt heard about the rape crisis , especially one that happened in the national capital.

Catherine Liu has interesting insights on the victim culture. She is writing a book about this. She would make a very interesting guest!

Nice this was gold for me👍

Straight up thought his forst question was "What's your problem with cuddling" 😂 I was all "WHAT!?! Cuddling is GREAT!" Lol, took a second 🤣

She's great. I thought women like her didn't exist anymore. Her husband is lucky to have her.

I love her directness. She talks like some people drink. Straight, no chaser. If you can't handle it, back away from the bar!" You only hit bottom when YOU put down YOUR shovel and stop digging!

Anyone who uses the phrase "blithering idiot" is a quality guest. Bravo.

You invalidated me. "So phucking what?" I love her 😂

Lmfao. “I will apologize appropriately after they’ve scalped me” 🤣 This made me lose it. Chris, you’re a comedian

Sure life is too easy. But we're not hard wired to look at the easy part and instead focus on the negative stuff (i.e. Negativity bias). That's true, but what I'ved found for myself is looking at the good bits can be trained. Do the gratitude meditations every day. Teach yourself to keep in sight the ocean of calmness over which the emotional ripples happen. Do contemplative practices that will rewire you in that way. You can do it !

One of the problems, unfortunately - is that one side is accused of indiscriminately bombing children. Which hasn't been a practice of either side but one side purposely targets children, and women for particularly heinous treatment and also indiscriminately, for an extended period now, lobbed unguided missiles in the direction of civilian areas. It's interesting how some can show a propensity for thinking deeply and cogently on various topics but then can't seem to muster the will to try to achieve some clarity on other subjects...and still can't resist wading into those topics for which a block seems to exist. Weird?

The best is the sham shrink commercials during this video.

The great irony is that almost every ad that crashed my enjoyment of this conversation was to tell me how fucked up I am, but fear not, here's some counselling you can buy.

The big question is what about regrets?? I know my weaknesses but there is no solution and so no peace of mind

“… and start taking it from RU-vid.” 😂

Great guest, love how articulate she is

1. Curing the problem and setting the patient free of dependence will stop the inflow of revenue. 2. Victimhood expands to accommodate one's reality into it, unmindful that suffering is normal.

But I'm listening to you! 😢

People claiming her tone and delivery is the problem in her writing shows just how far most people have become engulfed in this belief of feelings trumping logic and reality. The people criticizing her probably don't have an actual cogent rebuttal. So they fall back on commenting on or attacking her tone because they can't actually attack her arguments. Reality doesn't care about your feelings, it just is.

… safety culture; yeah, i saw it a lot w/ masking. I observed People people in their 70s (the IN DANGER population )were less likely to mask up than people under 25 …

Awesome guest!

this episode was over way too quickly. i really enjoyed the conversation

This lady has a take that sounds smart and appealing and kinda gives its audience what it wants to hear. Like, oh, kids are getting so spoiled these days. Oh, everyone on the internet says they are traumatized. Oh, people misuse the word "Narcissist". What a shocker! Wow, I applaud you for these 'profound' revelations and calling out these so called deep realizations about society. :/ Not to offend her or anyone, yeah some of it is sort of true but nothing newsworthy or educational, this is pretty much basic facts that almost anyone with a slight hint of critical thinking can put 2 and 2 together. Just because you're gonna make up a fancy term and slap the word "culture" on it doesn't make it any more deep or meaningful (therapy culture, smh). And also a lot of her points are not valid at all and are very generalising. For example, she kinda implies that self help or "therapy" content is negative as a whole, but that's so far off. A lot of times these creators, albeit not being officially qualified or licensed, actually save lives, and that is a fact that should never be overlooked. So just because it's cool to call out "therapy culture" she's entirely missing the point of literally her title as a therapist, to help and support. Also, pay attention to what she is trying to "sell" us and her alternatives? Psychoanalysis, That is based on Freudian thinking which psychologists unanimously already dismissed decades ago. Not to "diagnose" her (as she puts it) but she tries hard to sound profound with these fancy terms or seem authentic by cursing, I don't really buy into it. Finally, that unexplained comment out of nowhere, no context, stating her extremely ignorant opinion as a fact. "No one should harm civilians indiscriminately". You don't say? Umm, dear lady. How about a wake up call. Are you talking about Hamas commiting a massacare and Israel going above and beyond to minimise civilian casualties as much as possible while Hamas tries INTENTIONALLY to maximize casualitiss on GAZAN CIVILIAN'S BEHALF? You lecture us on what is real trauma and you don't have the basic decency to stand up for women who were raped, mutilated and murdered. Babies being burned alive first hand. Hostages being held, raped and tortured by a terrorist organization as we speak. All of these vile acts being committed by these subhumans that you seemingly know very little about. One last thing about the trauma part, you know just because a person was fortunate enough to have the means for a therapist and get a diagnosis doesn't negate the fact that a lot of people actually carry wounds and traumas that just go undiagnosed. So your whole commentary comes off as very privileged and dismissive. That's not your place to judge and label anyone, esp as a therapist.

OMG😳! I see the color blue everyday! The sky is traumatizing me🙄😵‍💫. How do I get away from the sky🤭😆😅🤣🤣?!

Hello Chris: I have not been able to find the time reference, however, at one point Seerut said that if child is constantly told how wonderful they are, then when they are adults, they get a rude shock. In Sydney, Australia, a guy called Wade Frankum was an only child and his parents constantly told him he was a genius. When he was an adult, he became incredibly angry with the world. He did the Strathfield Massacre and killed seven people.

Growing up poor really helps get you ready for adulthood