As a wife who has suffered from serious depression this advice is so beautiful and well said. I do believe that your wife will appreciate your efforts on this side of heaven as well. I would also urge you to gently encourage her to look into bodily healing as well. Our minds are very dependent on out bodies. Have testing done, to see if she has hormonal or vitamin deficiencies and work on healing these, also focus on gut healing. God bless you for being so faithful to your wife, and honoring Him by caring so much for your wife.
Depression is a horrible thing. Some years back I had gone through a horrible series of depression. I can recall even sometimes sleeping for 16 hour straight. I'm so glad that I'm no longer in that place anymore!
I suffer from depression as well. I’ve been eating whole foods not prepackaged foods for about two years getting daily exercise and getting a good nights sleep and I’m feeling better than I have in 20 years .I’m also taking vitamin D
Advise to be written out and nailed above the door of my heart. Thank you Pastor John, for this Spirit inspired, Word founded teaching. How often dark have been my days of late. But His Light does shine the more brightly for it.
I can't describe how timely this is and how thankful I am for your advice, Pastor John. I needed help because my mother is like the wife in this situation and the advice you gave also applies to me. Thank you
I know what it is like to go through severe form of depression, and sleeping my life away. When I moved to Japan I spent the first 2 years feeling this deep sadness I couldn't shake and also isolation. Little did I know that God was working on me. Finally I embraced being in the desert and decided that I would trust God no matter what. I began to read my bible and spend hours studying and praying. One day I asked God to help me love him with all my heart, mind, and soul and also to help me love my neighbor as myself. God is so faithful! Times of testing came but I had victory because greater is he who is in me than he who is in the world. Now God started using me to hand out gospel tracts and share the gospel with others. I'm not saying that it is always easy but the joy of the Lord is my strength. I have peace and joy despite all the chaos that goes on around me. There have been times where people have cursed me out for sharing the gospel even my own family members. Guess what? God gave me victory over that too. When things like that come I wisper I trust you Lord and pray. Although it doesn't feel good when people cut you with their words I know God is doing something amazing inside of me. I'm no longer controlled by my flesh but by his precious Holy spirit. My prayer is that whoever reads this feels encouraged to seek God with all your heart because God can set you free. God bless you all.
"Dad's role in homemaking" ...uh oh. In my home, I'm the one who's profoundly depressed as a chronic condition. I hate my impact on the lack of joy in the home - for my kids and my wife. It seems so insurmountable without me getting better.
I'm a daughter of a depressed dad. He couldn't quite get it together since him and my mom divorced, then his parents both died as well, among many other things that depressed him. I tried so much to help him and I couldn't even help myself, let alone him. I felt at a moment that he was getting better, but then he died two and a half years ago and I miss him so much, depression and everything. He was a great father and very gentle and loving.
It is a possibility hormone levels. T levels. (Testosterone could be low.) In my profession, I've seen patients treated with hormone replacement spunk out of gloominess.
@@milicadancuk58 Oh my goodness. I'm very sorry to hear that. Yeah, I lost my mom when I was 11. That informed a perspective on what "hope" is and I get the melancholy personality from her. I'm happy to see that you received his love despite his issues. That's encouraging, but again, so sorry to hear.
@@Lexilea68 I've assumed that's a possibility, especially as I've entered middle age and see issues that line up symptomatically. I'm doing things to remedy that - won't be doing replacement, but working on it. But I've had this issue really all of my life - I remember back to being around 4 and while it's changed over the years with different seasons of life, it's just always been there.
This is very wise counsel and encouragement for this man. The only thing I would most definitely add is for the husband to encourage his wife to seek medical attention to determine if she might need to be on some form of antidepressant or hormone therapy or whatever the doctor advises. The female body with all of its fluctuating hormones (and such) is extremely susceptible to the effects of living in a sinful world. If a wife were diagnosed with type two diabetes, wouldn’t a godly and compassionate husband support her and encourage her to take the medication that the doctor is recommending and prescribing? Sadly, I feel the evangelical church, which is led primarily by men, just really doesn’t understand these realities. And they often have made women feel less godly or less spiritual if they were to take medication to help with these types of struggles. Men in church leadership who have been passive or dogmatic in this area need to repent. Let’s not over-spiritualize something that can be very chemical and treatable.
Our 24 year old son passed into eternity nine months ago, suddenly and unexpectedly. I am finding it difficult to move forward, with a cloud of darkness looming at all times, and my husband has been the epitome of kindness and grace during it all. Even in his grief and sorrow, he has been patient and loving. He deserves so much better than me...I would appreciate prayer. The only thing that would make it better is if my son were still here, or if we would go to him NOW! Come quickly, Lord Jesus!!!
I'm sad to hear about your husband, Shana. 😔 I pray the Lord strengthens you both! As far as books to read on the topic, the only one related by John P is a book called "When the darkness doesn't lift" if you're interested.
Shana , thank you for sharing this pain with us. Please accept this kind word of advice from a man with a wonderful wife . Do not underestimate the boundless joy a man can feel upon hearing these words from his wife "You make me very happy, I am so thankful for you. "
Don’t do what I did. One year ago we were great. Had never said the D-word. Fast forward one year and she is now moving herself and our 21-month old in with some non-Christian man with whom she began a relationship long before we were divorced. I ignored her and viewed porn at a time when she needed me most. I now find myself with a severely broken heart. However, I have never been more joyful and I deserve everything I’m getting.
*Romans**8:38* 38For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Unfortunately my depressed wife was forced out of our house 3 years ago from the local social services because of her mental health. This impacted my 3 daughters. We ended up divorced.
A Christian counselor “may be able to discern obstacles to her joy.” With all due respect, depression and anxiety (which often go hand in hand), are not a result of obstacles in the way of our joy. It’s a brain illness that, because of its affect on the prefrontal cortex,and the amygdala, manifests itself via mood and behavior, and the inability to experience joy or pleasure. There isn’t more to discern here than one suffering with any other illness.
Charles thankyou again Charles, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself however I do thank God daily, I have also lost a beloved son and in his eulogy I asked to not feel pity as my cup is still overflowing so again blessings to you and others for caring. Through Jesus I know I am still blessed .
*Matthew 17:5-8* 5 While he was still speaking, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them; and suddenly a voice came out of the cloud, saying, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. Hear Him!" 6 And when the disciples heard it, they fell on their faces and were greatly afraid. 7 But Jesus came and touched them and said, "Arise, and do not be afraid." 8 When they had lifted up their eyes, they saw no one but Jesus only. See what happened here. Jesus is not only the savior of our souls, not only the Lord that we serve, *He is also our friend!* With a gentle touch Jesus approaches His disciples. It’s important to remember who Christ is because it is because of His love that makes me glad for the life that I have, Christ loves you, He wants your heart, to be in a relationship with you! He is always chasing us, that is evident through what Jesus has done! I used to suffer from depression. But I put my mind on Christ. Go to your brothers and sisters, spend time in the word, go to bible studies. Serve others in the community who need help. It brings me joy to do all these things, and that God gave me an abled body to do these things. Some times, in parts of my day I am not satisfied because I say “I want this/I don’t have this, or I’m not worthy” acknowledge when you have these thoughts and remember who Jesus is and what He has done for you, and through Him, you will overcome this struggle of depression and/or being unsatisfied. Also, Remember the all the things God has blessed you with, the things we take for granted, food, clothing, job, another day of life! Pray about these things, communicate with God.
Im in the same situation. Been married for over 16 years with a depressed wife. I knew about her illness before getting married. My opinion is not well received in this kind of forums but I tell you if you know about this before getting married dont marry that person.
Better Broken.....be careful.....invalidating this person's comment is not helpful.....he's being honest and sounds like he has really struggled with his wife for 16 years and judgment and platitudes will not help in any way
That isn't a faith-filled comment you've put there. Christians gladly stand with the weak and hurting, and comfort them as God comforts us. Encouraging another whilst being encouraged yourself by the word of God and His gospel, is a blessing. May I ask if you have made Christ your treasure yet?
20erixon marriage is till death do us apart. You stick together no matter what. Jesus never gives up on us at our weakest moments. That’s the kind of love we Christians ought to practice.
As a spouse of a depressed wife for 27 years this advice is of NO COMFORT. To be honest, I hate this message even if it is probably the only Christian message possible for this situation.
This was very true in my case. My former husband was a titled churchman who demanded that i think and feel exactly like he thought i should before i was worthy to live. I lived with his selected bible verse rules and condemnation for many years. He divorced me and I am finally doing better. But I don’t believe he represents God.
Does this Pastor John have a wife with mental illness? If not, who is he qualified to say these things? He doesn’t understand what the husbands of a wife with severe mental illness experiences.
Michael Dong I believe his wife is healthy, but these principles that are being taught are from the Scriptures and are profitable to the believer for all things. Thus, a sound exegete, however inexperienced he may be in the matter he is counseling on, can edify another believer with the truth of our holy God’s word.
Jordan Landsaw Well, it’s easy for him to say those principles. He doesn’t know how difficult it is for the husband of a wife with severe mental illness to follow those principles. Especially when the wife has even more severe mental illness like Bipolar or Schizophrenia.
Correct. I do believe the message was directed more toward simple depression. Maybe even the depression some women experience with hormonal fluctuations of menopause. I didn't find it to be a message for severe mental health conditions.
Lexilea68 Exactly. Thank you. Severe mental disorder like Bipolar and scherzophrenia is a completely different story and I think that God has enough mercy if the marriage didn’t work out, because it’s extremely hard for those marriage and relationship to function. Most people in those marriages have a dysfunctional relationship.
@@michaeldyoung5788 I believe (hope) God would have mercy and an understanding of one's heart should a dissolution of a marriage arise for the inability of another human to be able to live with a toxic killing of one's personhood, but I do know His Word is clear on the subject of divorce... through sickness and in health, etc. There are certain reasons a man should (can) put away his wife (adultery). I believe God will judge our motives. I can't imagine being in a marriage with an abusive mentally unhealthy person. I suppose I'd exit. I pray you have spiritual guidance as you move through this hardship. Has your wife had treatment? Some meds turn around lives with much improvement.
Depression often comes from too High Expectations..especially worldly ones. One must find simple things to be grateful for. It is good lesson from God!
Chemical depression can be cured with modern medicine. Pray to God to help you find a good specialist and take your wife to this health care provider. It will help her balance out her brain chemicals. Brain is like any other organ in our body. If your wife was born with Type 1 diabetes, she would be completely dependent on taking insulin every day to stay alive. Same with so many other diseases. Depression can happen at any point of your life. It doesn't have to be situational, but truly chemical. Just like other diseases in our body, they can bubble up at any point of our life. You reaching out and asking this question tells me that you love and care for your wife. Not every husband is like this and your wife is blessed. As medication is adjusted your wife will get better every month. Many blessings to you and yours.
Sadly, it is so often the opposite. Several of the dear sisters in my life suffered depression for years and I come to find out that they are on Nortriptyline and such. In several cases they have cut out these "anti-depressants" and their depression has dropped by 75 to 90%. They are no longer always depressed. Maybe these have helped some people. I cannot say. But I can name many people that have told me how much harm they have caused; some I have seen it and lived with it since they are close to me. Better is to count blessings and name them one by one, and to cast all your cares upon Him because He cares for you.
@@commonsense4993 I've seen the harm of antidepressants first hand also. Yes, some schizophrenic level people might need it, but regular depressed people tend to get worse from what I have observed.
@@Sharone123 Its very sad to see so much fear mongering and lack of education in the church when it comes to treating mental diseases. If you go in to see your family physician who is not an expert in prescribing and managing SSRIs and other psych medication, one's results will not be as good as seeing a specialist. Only people who truly suffered from these serious diseases (and yes it's a disease, not a state of mind as you linked in your video comment) can understand. Why so much stigma in the church when it comes to treating and helping people? So much bad information that just delays people getting proper treatment and help. Terrible, just terrible.
@@momof2shk304 Not a high-conflict person here. To clairify, I didn't make a comment on a video post regarding "state of mind". I simply posted a video link. The "lack of education in the church when it comes to treating mental diseases" condescending talk isn't necessary, or kind actually. Making a statement doesn't make that statement true. A lot of comment feedback by Christians on Christian sites leave so much to be desired. The prompt, emotionally typed replies often have all the necessary ingredients to knock down our witness as a whole, and wreck the entire cake. People watch us and watch us closely. We are suppose to be salt and light. I wouldn't bash you in person, so why here? There are lots of different solutions for different people in regards to health. I was just posting some information. No fear mongering - God is totally and completely in control. I don't know how that conclusion was extrapolated from the video I linked. I wish you well. No sarcasm, I honestly wish you well. I normally wouldn't reply to something like this. The only reason I did reply is that I didn't want words being put in my mouth. Peace & Love.
