People in the comments don’t realize how common bigotry still is. My dad kicked me out of his house because my child brought a brown Barbie to play with. I stood up to him and said I wasn’t taking my child’s toy from her because that’s racist. He claimed it wasn’t racist whatsoever! He had such a tantrum that we didn’t speak for months and ultimately standing up cost me our relationship. Some people are deeply committed while also deeply in denial!!
@@riverdaletales8457 How is getting mad and kicking your daughter out of the house because his granddaughter is playing with a black Barbie not racist? That’s racist you are in denial.
Being loving and loyal to those in their "in-group" does not make a racist a good person. Racists can be the nicest, most generous people to those they feel are acceptable. This was very hard for me to come to terms with in regards to my family, to rectify the person who was so loving and kind to me with the person who could be almost murderously hateful to "those people." Just remember, their love will ALWAYS be conditional.
This type of racism is way more common than we realize. My church just finished a special sermon series regarding racial sensitivity and it was so powerful and convicting. Great call and response
@@TheSnoozeFox Can we say triggered much; how do you tell the tale of America truthfully without you losing your cool...oh wait but that's not the point of teaching history??!
i’m a white woman and between 18-22 years old i dated a hispanic guy (half Mexican half Costa Rican). his family basically adopted me and were very loving, and to this day i’m still close with his mom (i’m almost 29 now). but my grandma was not the same. she claimed (out of nowhere one day while eating lunch) that God wouldn’t approve of our potential future “half-breed” children. the comment shocked both me and my mom. it caused a huge fight between my mother and grandmother. my current partner is white, but i still think about that comment. it made me see my grandma in a completely different light… i grew up believing she was one of the nicest people. that comment was so hateful and prejudiced and uncalled for.
The Lord can see y'all defending the racist guy... The caller is correct in standing up against racism even when he is probably a white man himself.. we need more people like him!
For real. People will gaslight victims of racism just because it makes us uncomfortable. I have so many friends/brothers and sisters in Christ who have been effected by it. It is far more serious than people believe
I guess I can't call the guy racist because I have never met him. To judge somebody before knowing them is what we call "prejudice" (pre-judging). You aren't guilty of doing that, are you?
This call was kind of a let down. I was hoping for objective examples. Even subjective ones would have sufficed. I don’t doubt that the guy may very well be racist, but it would have been better to understand what was meant by the term through examples.
Yeah I was kind of confused like does he just have a politically incorrect sense of humor, and this dude is a total sensitive virtue signaling tool. He did say he didn't have many friends.
One of the hardest things I ever had to do was walk away from an almost 30 your friendship. He said something racist to me and then double downed when I told him it was disrespectful. Even though I’m sad because I miss that connection and history, I’m thankful I stuck up for myself. Walk away if you have to.
that poison analogy is very eye-opening. Toxic environments, conversations or people should not be normal or accepted, we have choices, however hard of a process it is to remove yourself from those situations or people
I always address the issue with the person first. When they say something overtly racist, I ask them why they made that statement. Then if they defend it with, well thats just what I think with no context, I just respectfully disagree and then either avoid them or just do surface talk if its a person I have to be around.
I get why you wouldn't want to get into specifics because this is such an easy topic to get into hot water over, but this guy gave zero specifics and there are a lot of people throwing around the word racist for some very unjustified reasons. You encouraged him to cut this guy out of his life rather that learn to have a conversation, even when he admitted he's the one who loses it around this relative. Sure seems like he's reacting instead of thinking but let's lable the relative as toxic. Real nice Dr John 🤦🏼♀️
Dr. John simply told him to prioritize himself and stop going about listening to a family member who the caller perceived as being racist…that’s what matters at the end of the day, the perception of an event to people matters more than the reality of it until an outside force helps align them. Dr. John took the caller as a competent individual who wouldn’t throw the racism card in if it was unwarranted and so took him at his word, choosing to believe that the caller’s family member does indeed make racist remarks, which whether it be as a joke or not, can definitely be uncomfortable for people, which it clearly was for the caller. At the end of the day Dr. John has to prioritize the caller’s health, and that is precisely what he did here. Keep in mind that this is a one-off session, Dr. John isn’t the caller’s long-term councilor, and in this case he has no business dictating what the caller finds or doesn’t find to be uncomfortable and inappropriate, as these are things that you establish and help change over time; if Dr. John had asked for an example and the caller provided one in which it displayed no true racist wording, then sure he could just tell the caller that he might be over inflating, but do you really think the caller would up and change his mind like that? This stuff requires time and practiced councilors know that, so better to take the caller at his word and try to help him in the most immediate way possible than to ramble about what and what isn’t racist to someone who most likely wouldn’t listen.
so you want examples so YOU can decide if the remarks are racist? It doesn't matter what YOU or I feel are racist comments; the caller believes it to be and the advice Dr. John provided is with that info. What would happen if the man stated the example and Dr. John disagreed? Who is right? should Dr. John stop and request a poll of the audience before providing advice? One of the biggest issues in this country, regarding racism, is people not agreeing on what is and isn't racist. I feel Dr. John understood the assignment and handled the call appropriately.
Somehow in this country, the definition of racism has become so weaponized it has lost most of its meaning. Bottom line, racism is the belief that you are superior to another based solely on the color of one’s skin. PERIOD. Things that do not meet the definition of racism: 1) simply disagreeing with someone 2) presenting factual data 3) discussing reality Not a SINGLE example of his friends abundant bigotry was detailed. Just “he sprinkles it into conversations”. He should easily be able to provide one conversation or example. My guess is he disagrees with his political views, his family member presents facts, and he doesn’t like it.
Exactly my thought too. The guy probably presented some inconvenient, statistical facts to this guy that disrupt his narrative so he labels him a racist.
Newsflash, there’s plenty of bigots still walking around. It’s not even a little bit hard to believe. I think it was important for John to answer the question at face value because lots of people do legitimately face this.
I live in the deep south, and when the race issue comes up, I stand my ground prior to giving anyone else a chance. I point out that we all come from an original pair, whether we believe in creation or evolution. Therefore, we all contain genes for a number of races. I also point out that everyone on earth is a shade of brown, beige being a shade of brown. Flowers have more variety than humans! If the person I'm talking to is racist, they just shut their mouths.
The caller wasn’t asking John “is my friend a bigot or not?” He asked how to I reconcile having this person in my life whom I believe is a bigot. We have no idea if this family member is a bigot or not or if the caller is totally unreasonable. It’s a great question, sometimes we just have to let go of relationships when they cause us too much distress, even if we are at fault.
1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived, evil company corrupts good character !!! Do not align yourself with this person regardless of the relationship. Do what is acceptable in GOD’S eyes…not man’s.
I think people really overlook the importance of hearing you're worthy. What John said there at the end was probably the best thing he said in the entire interaction.
i'm very disappointed in you John for just taking the caller at his word instead of asking for some examples, some specific instances of this relative being a bigot. This caller is talking out of both sides of his mouth. "Racist" has become such an arbitrary word today and is used as a weapon when someone doesn't agree with you and therefore has lost meaning. What a sad day we live in.
@@capostatus937 There’s a huge difference between in group preference, knowing about other cultures and choosing to not associate with those behaviors VS literally thinking a person is less than just because of the color of their skin The first two are completely normal and acceptable, while the latter I would say is immoral. However the US is the LEAST RACIST multi-cultural country on the planet according to PEW data and survey data. So no - really the US has a very very very low problem of racism as compared to any other comparable country on the globe.
John answer the question!! How does he deal with it? Sometimes you have to deal with family members even if you don’t want to. That is facts!!! Answer him how?
@@shb8212 okay from now on lets have all the callers prove they are experiencing what they claim. Or does that only apply to issues that trugger you? Im sure you're a god fearing christian as well 🤣
@@JR-wu8gf if you can show me a call where he doesn't ask for examples and scenarios in order to better help a person then I'll give you your "win". Go on, I'll wait
Caller 1: my wife is grumpy and rude. Dr. John: how? Give me an example. What’s your roll in this? Caller 2: my relative is racist and bigoted. Dr. John: cut them out of your life. 🤔
The point is if you are around the toxic person, you have a choice to not see them. Let’s assume the guy is a bigot if that’s the case the caller has a choice.
so now Dr. John needs to be provided proof that a caller has a legit reason to call...say for instance a caller calls in and states their spouse cheated; should Dr. John demand to see photos of the spouse cheating? 😮💨
Too bad Dr.J didn't delve more into the callers definition of racism, because possibly that needed to be addressed more than anything else. We all see it ENDLESSLY from the left, where they call anyone a racist or bigot that has a different ideology than them. The caller's family member might had taken a stance against illegal immigration, which the caller deemed racist. Who knows, but that should have been clarified with an example or two of the supposed racism, to better address this call.
Wow the fact that you are whining about the definitions about racism is very telling about you lol. You're a grown man. Stop whining about left and right 🤣
@@JR-wu8gf Wow, talk about triggered! Are you about to go full woke, or have you already run for your safe space after your tantrum? You lefties love to change the definition of words, and then blurt out offenses when someone calls you out on it. Grow up little one and stop being so delicate. The world doesn't revolve around you.
Sometimes, and it doesn't excuse this behavior. People are a product of their circumstances or are "children of their generation" my point is our metric for morality is relative and his upbringing may be offset a generation from yours. Which may explain the disparity. If you can't love and care for someone who disagrees with your position you may much the same shortcomings he does. But I that's your emotional limitation, that's also fine. Good luck brother.
The guy is lying. He is not "really close with" anybody who he is always at odds with him. Everybody has faults, everybody needs grace. It would be interesting to hear what the other guy had to say, but maybe he isn't the kind of guy to talk about somebody "close" behind his back on a national broadcast. Also, on the racism claim, "All's infected, the infected spy; All is yellow to the jaundiced eye."
Why does someone having a racist family memeber bother you so much you go so far as to call him a liar? 🤣🤣🤣 Really sounds like it struck a nerve. Im sure youre that guy in a family who says racists comments and whines when no one wants to hang out with you anymore 🤣
To be honest…. We are all racist in some way. Let one of our family members bring home someone of another race as a potential partner…….even the most “tolerant” person will have an issue. Then again maybe that’s prejudiced or preference. I get them all confused but the reality is we have all used a racial slur or stereotyped another race. And if you say you haven’t you are lying .
@@ducks-on-quack like I said the same people who say they are not racist are the first ones to point fingers The main ones that tell others to check their biases will be the first ones with a problem. I can always tell a persons mindset by an answer. Because you didn’t even read to comprehend. You took offense and then placed blame. Check YOURSELF
@@LisaLisaCJ The fact that you think even the most “tolerant “ people have an issue with interracial relationships speaks volumes about the type of people you spend time with.
This guy gives the worst advice lol. Why does youtube keep recommending him? He didnt even ask for the guys definition of racism. Then compared the relationship with someone who is probably just old and not woke or something stupid with being poisoned. And basically told him to drop the relationship.
