The way I made it through was focusing all my energy on bettering my life. I quit smoking started going to the gym and got a part time job on top of my full time job. I started reading more and becoming more knowledgeable. All these things helped me feel good in a time of such darkness. Thriving in the most horrific conditions possible gave me so much confidence. After making it through I realized I could have done anything I wanted in life. I could have been a Navy SEAL. Narcissists unintentionally made me extremely strong and resilient. The other thing I had to do was get rid of my fleas. Being surrounded by such toxic personality disorders you can easily pick up fleas. It's important to cleanse yourself and rid yourself of any behaviors you might have learned from the narc and not even realized. Savage beasts trying to destroy us will not succeed. We have to do whatever has to be done to reclaim our life. Every single one of us deserves peace, and love. Every single one of us survivors deserves to feel good about ourselves.
Well done you 👍 you are so right about picking up fleas due to the low self esteem imprinted onto us growing up. I had to start offloading the fleas once I established no contact with my narc family and began processing and having the ‘aha’ moments
I'm needing this right before fathers day Tom thank you!!! Year and a half no contact and I give you so much of the credit. I still listen to your words each day my friend. Breaking 34 years of brainwashing is a tough thing to do.
I’m finally at that stage where I just don’t care what They think anymore. I get the whole thing about the anxiety leading up to an event. Couldn’t handle it anymore. My mind, body, and soul where screaming - Stop - You don’t have to put up with them anymore. So so glad I listened and went No Contact. You’re looking great, Tom. Wonderful to see You making videos again.
It’s so good to see you back, Tom. This is a very important topic because breaking no contact can be fatal. They go all out to bully their target into an early grave.
Reconnecting was my biggest mistake. They play that game bc that want their supply back and then they want revenge for you figuring out who they really are. She waited till I had let down every wall bc she knew it would hurt me the most. These people are leaches. You deserve love. I really needed this. I get anxiety thinking about who's going to give her my phone number, when is she going to call me. But I get to choose if I answer the phone. I have that control over my life. They don't have that anymore. I watch these videos and sometimes I want to hug my laptop lol.
Long story short, I was no contact with my narcissistic mother for years. Stupid me was hoovered back into her life with a life insurance policy she bought for me as well as other money. She also offered to let me stay with her when I lost my job. It is now the dead of winter and she has told me to move out of her house and she doesn't care if I talk to her again. This woman is a walking piece of garbage. I won't get into the list of her abuse and neglect over the years, but it's lengthy. Stupid me thought she would soften with old age and a disability. She has only gotten worse. I pray for God's strength to leave and never look back.
WOW....I AM ONLY 5YEARS IN AND BROKE CONTACT ONE TIME AND REALLY GOT MY ASS HANDED TO ME ON A PLATE......AT THE AGE OF 30 THE ONLY THING I REGRET IS NOT LEAVEING AT AN EARLIER AGE......THE ABUSE SEEMS TO FOLLOW WERE EVERY J GO IT'S LIKE THEY TAKE ALL YOUR SELF-ESTEEM AND RESHAPE IT AND GIVE IT BACK TO YOU ALL MESSED UP AND WHEN YOU MEET NEW PEOPLE THEY CAN SEE IT ALL OVER YOU...... PLEASE TELL ME HOW DID YOU MOVE ON FORM THE ABUSE...SMEAR..... ONGOING ABUSE EVEN AFTER NO CONTACT FROM OUTSIDERS....I WANT TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE AGAIN....NO FRIENDS..NO FAMILY....NO CHILDREN.....OR SPOUSE ...WHAT DID YOU DO TO GET YOUR LIFE BACK AND HOW? 🙂 THANKS AGAIN
I left at 21, moved 750 miles away and began a new life, knowing I had 'escaped' and would never go back. It was hard and I felt all those emotions we feel wondering what was wrong with me...and whatever could have I done to make things right. There was no going back as far as I'm concerned. Both my siblings weren't as lucky as I was, and are now passed on. The narccisst rots in a Retirement Home, no body in her life I imagine. Life is better now knowing she is where she belongs, not in my head. It's only the last few years after discovering these life saving videos, there is a light at the end of that tunnel! 👍 Can't thank Tom enough.
@@kenjackson6416 THANKS ....I MOVED 1HOUR AWAY...BUT I STILL RUN INTO FLYING MONKEYS.....I WAS EVEN HOMELESS FOR A FEW YEARS BECAUSE I WAS SO DRAINED AND DEPRESSED I COULDN'T EVEN HOLD A JOB DOWN SO I COULD SAVE TO FLY OUT SOMEWERE ELSE....I ALMOST DIED FROM HAVEING A BAD STOMACH ISSUE (ULCERATIVE COLITIS) NOW LOOKING BACK ITS ALL DO TO THE STRESS THEY CAUSED SINCE I WAS A CHILD AND NOW AS AN ADULT I STILL HAVE TO FIGHT FOR A HEALTHY LIFE AND MINDSET.....I NEVER CALLED THEM OUT ON THERE BS TOWARDS ME OVER THE YEARS BECAUSE NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE..... HOW DO THEY WALK AROUND KNOWING WHAT THEY DID TO YOU MENTALLY... EMOTIONAL...AND SEXUALLY I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND...... BUT KARMA NEVER FORGETS AND ALWAYS UNDERSTAND .... WHEN WE LEAVE THE FAMILY GETS EVEN WORSE AND SELFDISTRUCT EVEN MORE......I GUESS I NEED TO CHANGE MY SURROUNDINGS AND MOVE OUT OF NEW YORK IT'S TO MANY MEMORY'S AND BACKFLASHES FOR ME.....THE JOURNEY IS LONELY AND SCARY SOMETIMES BUT GOD WILL GUIDE AND PROTECT....... THANKS AGAIN ☺️
Ms. Tea I send love and good vibes to you ... You embody a True Warrior character ... I ask the CREATOR of Life and Love to shower you with Real, True, Overflowing Life, Love, Wealth, Beauty, everything to make you very complete:
The narc programs you to believe you are nothing. It will take years to finally say i am someone. Be grateful you made steps to achieve that statement. You put yourself first is exactly what the narc doesn't want you to have. Take care of you is the best piece of advice a parent should teach
Wow. You're so lucky to have that. I wish I would have had at least one relative that to do that for me but not one of them ever knew or cared what the other ones would do to me. Out of the many relatives I had maybe 2 or 3 cared about me, my two Grandmother's and maybe my Dad. I'm fortunately I didn't see or talk with them much. I didn't even realize how bad I was neglected and abused. If I'd known and explained it to my two Grandmother's non of it would have continued I sure. I should have been screaming from the rooftops when I was a kid. I'm 53 now and only started to learn that they're narcasists a few years ago. Way to late. So much damage has been done I don't think I'll ever have anything. God bless all of you. Thank you.
@@russellm7530 same my mother literally did a spear.campaign against me ugh and took away everyone from me but the worst part is I need them for the money for college ugh
@@aena5995 I'm also dependent on my narc mother for monetary reasons. Stay strong (never better said). Don't take anything they say personally. You must push through college, it is important. I didn't do it and now I'm all dependent on her money trying to find a job with my high school degree. Not easy. Push through. Please. You owe it to yourself.
IF YOU DEAR GO BACK YOUR GOING TO REALLY GET IT THIS TIME AROUND ....THE NEARVE OF YOU TO DISOWN THEM AFTER ALL THE WOUNDERFUL THINGS THEY HAVE DONE FOR YOU ... YOUR HEALTH.... YOUR MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH.... YOUR SO UNGRATEFUL....LOL AND YOUR GOING TO PAY.....NO CONTACT IS FOR LIFE....LIFE....LIFE.
You are so spot on! You have rescued this 59-year-old from crippling anxiety and self doubt. I am living your life. Narcissitic parent (father) and older narcissitic golden child sister. They are monsters. It has taken me this long to find these videos - to see the light and feel the coolness of shared trauma. To know that nothing I do will change the situation, and that they never have loved me or my brother. Thank you!!!
Thank you for this video. I was 18 years of no contact from my mother. I went on a weekend trip with my 2 brothers and a sister in law and my mother. She had the chance to hurt me ignore devaluate me. All the pain came back and i was 18 years back when she disowned me after my father was dead for 1 week. THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!😙😙😙😙😙
Hey Tom, My narc mother has been giving me the silent treatment for the last 2 years (when her mask slipped for good and she knew it more specifically while trianulating my nieces and knephew after their mother passed away the same way she triangulated my siblings and I growing up in a conversation on the phone ) she will once in a while she will send me a picture of my now 17 year old niece (that lives with her due to of my 2 sisters passing away in a tragic car accident in 2003) and all her achievements. She's the golden child. In response I will say nice or that I am proud of her and my mother will say nothing more than thank you and that is all after not hearing from her in months since the last picture achievement she sent. I am the blacksheep. When she does text there is never a hello how are you and your family doing nothing. I moved away from my hometown about 10 years ago. They use to visit once a year until my father's health took a bad turn. how do you move past your family being unhealthy individuals and knowing they are all about themselves... I am hurting from wishful thinking I guess of a vision of a loving & giving family that doesn't really exist. I know that is her intention of look over here everything is great ”facade” Could this be because I know how they are who they are but haven't moved on all the way emotionally yet? What are your thoughts? Thank you for all of your support. I am forever grateful. Big hugs!
Went no contact years ago, but still dream about that house and those people every night. I've become used to it, but it makes it difficult to detach and move on.
Have you tried writing down the dreams when you wake up? After you do so for a few days, see what your subconscious is communicating to you. Remember that dreams speak in metaphors ... for example standing under stairs, could actually mean feeling scrutinized as stairs = stares (as in looking at something for a prolonged period). Once you have comprehended the lesson, the dreams will stop.
Gloria I definetely understand that, cause I had that too. But I got the solution. It's by professing my feelings toward the narc, through emotional honesty. The narc needs to know that I HAD the feeling of love toward him. I don't care the end results, nor how he feels afterward. Probably he felt nothing. But that is what it takes for me to move on, and remove the guilt of moving on, of possibly losing the "dream being happy with the narc". The Truth has to be known. Stating the Truth worked for me.
Very accurate video! Thank you so much! I went no contact with my nmom 10 days ago and your videos are probably the best ones out there! I went into therapy about 7 years ago and finally decided it was time to go no contact.
Great job! I have taken your advice and you’ve given me to confidence to know that my continued strong boundaries and remain NO contact with my narcissistic mother and trauma bonded father for nearly 2 years now. I am through the FOG . It’s Father’s Day and I chose to put my energy to honour my amazing husband, and not my father who’s discarded me because it’s easier than facing the true problem. His complicity is the easy route and has not been easy one anyone. I have had to make the decision to chose my mental health or my family. The sibling triangulation is real. true colors are bright and life is peaceful.
I believe when most narc victims cut-off contact and distance themselves from narcs, their overall mental and physical health improves. The late Sigmund Freud said that before thinking you are crazy, "make sure you are not surrounded by assholes". Think about it, anyone can be easily misdiagnosed with not only mental illnesses but mental disorders. Not saying that narc abuse doesn't cause depression because it can; however, in terms of mental disorders, narc victims' symptoms may mimic traits of personality disorders. if narc victims are treated by a mental health professional, their symptoms can be misconstrued as symptoms of personality disorders, where narc abuse is overlooked. Narcs remain invisible and this gives them free rein to continue terrorizing their victims. In addition, narc victims are seen as the problem. This can also lead to an erroneous diagnosis, and it can also discredit narc victims and discount narc abuse as the culprit behind their symptoms and behaviors, which causes a reaction from narc victims.
Hi Tom what a beautiful human being. 2 years out and u guided me every step of the way yu truly are an angel and have saved many life's. Never been happier thankyou from the bottom of my heart. Love u dearly! Beautiful man x❤️❤️❤️🙏👍
One of the last things my father said to me before I went no contact was "Your mother has her special way of loving you" ,well that's what abusers tell small children. Never ever going near that sick #$@% again. Thank you for this video. 3 years no contact PTSD crept up again.
Came to realise and found this channel. Our last "quarrel" as I tend to remember them was about missing mother's Day, and I used the argument "mom, since dad died in January this year it's been mother's Day everyday to me", and I got away with it at that moment, but it got out of hand for the so maniest time yesterday which made me google "narcissistic mother" and find this series of incredibly insightful videos. Thank you! (Love your NY accent!)
Oh my God Tom, it’s so wonderful to finally see your face in a sea of madness that is what we call RU-vid. My husband left me. He just couldn’t handle my issues anymore. I have gone down the wormhole of narcissistic abuse, horoscope predictions, runaway husbands, why fathers abuse their daughters, codependency. I have found no one better than you to help me sort out my issues.I’m just so grateful to see your face and almost makes me cry. there are some really insane people in the world. Sociopaths are among us. What you say in this video is so much truth I just can’t even listen to it anymore. It’s so painful. There’s no way out. If you don’t get away from these people they’ll destroy you. And even when they die. They still do things in life to control you from the grave. You have to let them go. You have to let yourself go. You don’t think you’re worthy to love yourself. You have to love yourself so fiercely just to keep your footing in life. I’m 48 years old I’ve been abandoned by everyone but my mother and my son. And that is enough. I’m not sure why I was dealt the cards that I was dealt but you have to play them. Some days all you can do is brush your teeth. And then some days you can get up and go to work and be OK. You deserve to be kind to yourself when no one else would. Most days I stay in my house and cry on the weekends. I’m just not ready to face the world after my divorce. I’m going to give my self permission to be this hermit. I owe no one anything. The only answer is no contact with anyone toxic! No funerals, no birthdays, no Father’s Day, nothing. Gray rock silence. Ignore them so hard they question their own existence. It’s the only way to survive.
11 years NC with NF and Father’s Day is not a holiday that he ever deserves to be patronized for - and he won’t be since my siblings also went NC with him. He was not a father in the true sense of the definition nor was he interested in being a father when we lived under his roof. Thank you for sharing your wisdom; we all need to keep helping each other with our stories.
I’m dealing with my 96 year old mother that is a narcissist and has a personality disorder along with evil games and horrible abuse to me since I was about 8 years old. She has no one but me. I’m her only child. I have to take care of her. She still lives on her own and cares for herself. But I have to take her to the Dr. and get her groceries. She has no friends. She has run all of her people off. My kids won’t have anything to do with her. My own kids have not seen her in 11 years. I have tried to get her help with division of aging. They won’t help her any more she has ran them off as well. I’m so tired and drained. I’m 70 years old myself. I’m tired of dealing with her and I want to Walk away. But I can’t leave an old woman alone with no one. I mean no one. She has no way of fending for her own self either. I feel trapped and very exhausted. I am hanging in there and praying to God in Heaven to help me and he does give me strength to go. I only her text every other day. I never call. That just opens up a whole new mess. I get her groceries once a month. I do check on her and make sure she is ok. But I can’t keep on. But I know I have to. Soooo I just make myself do what needs to be done. Keep my mouth shut and let her lash out at me all she wants then i walk away. ??
I believe when we suffer for helping bad people, that we will be rewarded. It sounds like you’re doing the least amount you can do, while keeping her alive. I know most people in the narc community don’t agree, but I do think to some degree, if they really have no one else, I feel we should be there to get the groceries as you do. Stay strong- I do believe God will reward you. She is t humbled it sounds like. But focus on you when you’re not with her.
Listened to this and recall the anxiety attacks I had being with my Covert Narc husband. Oddly enough after we parted .... NO anxiety attacks! This says it all to me. No more anxiety attacks & no one yelling at me!!! Nope!! Last thing he said to me, “ Your not good enough” as I played with our new puppy Bailey a labradoodle on the kitchen floor. I stared at him & said nothing. Why say anything I thought why bother. Thought he is really sick because all I’ve done is be kind to him.
Great post Tom. How I make it through is I remember the last words my mother said to me after I confronted her over my sister not inviting me to a family wedding. My mother said “never mind “. She dismissed me. So if my no contact bothers her. I just think “never mind “. When she said those two little words to me. Something inside me said “enough “. It’s been 1 year - A Tough decision but right for me. It’s easier with an ignoring mother. Her pride is too big to ever talk to me. She has said she’d never lower herself to her kids level. Mind you I’m 50 and she’s 85. It’s nuts.
Tom, listening to your videos is so therapeutic for me. I feel so supported, as we all know, no one out there understands. Thank you, and I hope you are well.
Tom so glad to see you!! You're so helpful! No contact with my narcissist. Instead, I put up a FB post thanking the men who have represented a Father's Love to me and others. They are loving. Happy Father's day Tom! You're one of them! Tom check your links! Your email is spelled wrong I think.
You know I've been watching some of your videos as far back as I think 6 years ago and then two years ago and then this one and I never thought I would ever hear you say that's their baggage like who cares or you've come a long way. You firmly love yourself and yes it does take a while to see it it takes a while to recognize a lot of things it's almost like you have blinders on and all of a sudden you get this epiphany like what happened to me all my life. Like who are you like where have you been you're finding yourself. You're respecting yourself it's awesome to love yourself it gives you a real strange feeling because it's something that you've never felt before growing up as a kid. It's all new and wonderful.
My mom is the narc... my dad is the passive lump in the background... never ever have had a phone call, card, "I love you" from my dad... this year I'm not sending a birthday card or father's day card.... because when I have... she's the one that thanks me for it.. messed up and I'm done!
My exact story too. Narc mother and enabler weak father. In my eyes they are both as guilty. Didn’t have any guilt about Father’s Day this year. No contact my friend.
Hello Tom, so cool to see you back. You were my first RU-vidr who told me the truth about narcissists. I felt guilty of protecting my children. You gave me the courage to stand up to the narcissist in court. Sorry to hear about Sammy. May you help others in your own genuine way. Thank you, Tom.
I'm the scapegoat daughter of a mother narcissist. She wouldn't accept no contact, sending my father flying monkey to threaten, abuse and bully me. I have kept consecutive Orders of Protection in place to be free of them. It has been wonderfully healing to be free! But now the first year of the 2 year order has nearly passed, and I am already dreading the court date even though it's more than a year away. Believe it or not, I feel I must remain vigilant to count down the months so I won't forget to file the paperwork to request a hearing...as if that were possible. I have enjoyed my freedom so very much this past year! I find it appalling to be back in my "prison" of thinking about my family. I had to go no contact with everyone, even aunts, uncles and cousins. She turned them all against me. This horrible dread is upon me, and I can't seem to shake it. My friend who was like family to me passed away a year and a half ago. He is the only one who has ever loved me unconditionally. He used to always tell me I deserved to be happy, even before I knew about narcissism. I miss him so very much.
I'm sorry to hear your story. You are doing great, and are staying strong. Just wanted to let u know that there's a stranger out there sending love and strength your way.
Hi Tom..I've been sharing your videos. For some reason, you got through to me regarding family relationships . I had a narc mom. I've been wondering how you were and it's so good to see you. Much love to you on Father's Day. My Dad passed at 90 last year. He took care of my mom for his whole life. Many Blessings! Peace!
Father's day should and would be honored for the children who survived their fathers. I'm writing everything down and anyone who has any doubts write it down you'll see yourself as a witness and look at it back and realized no one should be treated disrespectfully without any integrity this is just something that was created by propaganda you don't have to honor no one who doesn't honor or love you or protect you especially if they were your caregivers
I have limited contact with my narc on my schedule and terms. I always knew something was not right with her, I thought it was perhaps bipolar disorder or a mental illness that one day maybe could be treated. I only discovered what was wrong with her when I came across videos such as yours about NPD. Once I mourned the fact that this person will never change or heal, and that I can never really have a relationship with the narc, I was able to go limited contact. I pity her, knowing now what is wrong. As the healthy, whole person in this dynamic I am able to do what I feel to be the right thing for the narc. The narc has no power over me now that I know exactly what this person is. I visit the narc on my terms with my spouse. The narc is motivated to be on her best behavior when my spouse is there. I make sure no one else, especially flying monkeys, are around during my limited visits.
Your vids are awesome dude, thanks for making this one specifically. I’m gearing up for gradschool in ny, and about to spend nearly a whole month at their house with no break and no car (now lol), and I’m scared shitless ngl. Thanks 🙏 This is the first time I’ve been able to really put some walls up, but the stress is massive currently, and I hope to avoid the regression if at all possible, ya know?
Thank you for covering all of this. People who can’t get out. I know that there are those who will tell you that you can get out. That you staying is your own fault. That you can just start over. Without a doubt, there are people who are fully, psychologically codependent. If they were GIVEN a new life, they wouldn’t take it. But, life isn’t binary. For me, I’ve maintained low contact with my mother and no contact with my sister. I do so because I live a precarious life, like many. There are a TON of people that will tell you, for instance, “Don’t like your job - go get another one!” For some, in a snide way, it is like telling them that they will learn to like their awful circumstances better, instead of what they find waiting for them out there. It’s also like saying, “Don’t say you can’t get to work 10 miles away, just because you no longer have a car. You have 2 feet.” As one guy used to have in his office on the wall, “Nothing is as easy as for the man who does not have to do something himself.” This doesn’t mean you don’t work with a definite goal (including timeline) to GTFO. Just that people can’t exactly, always be faulted for being stuck in it. For me, I am still in contact because the math sucks. I don’t have any delusions about who my family has become. I’m not lacking a center. I’d love to never see them again and, as I’ve not seen my mother in over a year, although I just live a few minutes away, I’d like to keep it that way. I’d like to never see her face again. She isn’t exciting. She doesn’t interest me. I’m not reminiscing over better times. I’m working to start anew and, if I work hard at it and the winds are at my back, although discovery of narcissism was late and it’s getting later in life, I might actually do well. But, I’m in a space where things are unsure. I have a good job, which has helped me to make that space between myself and my family. I’ve been able to save an emergency fund so, I won’t be at a sudden loss. But, people sometimes forget how quick and ugly things are in the work world. One day your coworker gets fired. You come in the next day and their your boss. This hasn’t personally happened to me , but, things close to that have. In addition, I may be in a narcissistic situation at work, where my boss would like to make 2 of us feel that we’re his BFFs - but, he’s the other guy’s enabler... The other guy and I do not like one another and he is actually trying to run me out of my position by mere nasty commentary alone. There are a few others who have had issues with his arrogance - but, the boss is selectively blind to it. The point of any niceties is not to make me feel comfortable, but because he’s an enabler, doesn’t like confrontation and just likes the other guy better - with the exception of the fact that he thinks that if he smiles enough - I won’t be aware. I had a lot of financial loss during the recession and am in my fifties. So, while I’m aware that most would say to just walk away from both situations and get a low paying job somewhere - that is the easiest part of the whole thing. They don’t know me. They don’t know how many years I wasted living and doing for my mother - all for her to give everything to my sister and that’s the thing. While I know that one does not wish to waste more time - most people would say - forget about all of those years. You lost them. So what? Those years mean a great deal to me and while I know that I’ll never be able to recoup - I’m making sure that the benefit of all of my hard work is destroyed- which may take my mother’s business down, as well.
Hi Tom one year no contact in August first 6 months was the worst the pain of the trauma bond was so strong but I still suffer with him in my thoughts every day and worry if he will reach out to me again can you do a video on how to cope if the nark comes back thankyou
You will make it through, don´t worry - after a decade of years in no contact - I did survive it very well - even when the whole Mispoke is all going to die , one day - I will not visit their funerals or graves at all - no chance - it´s like I never had any family at all - an orphan child without any parents or family - ever - I am the child of my heavenly creator - wanted and beloved so very much.
About eight years ago I had to do something extreme or I just would never got out of a bad situation but I was in I did a 180 degree turn I moved from one part of the country to the other part of the country and it ended up that it was very difficult at the beginning but I'm wanted to be happy my happiest time was when I realized I was brave enough to care for myself and love myself enough to get out of a bad situation to free myself meant so much to me and I didn't care how difficult it was I had to sell things I had to move I had to give things away I had to spend a lot of money and I took a place shared it with somebody else who I never knew just to get out of that part of the country the first three months was very hard adjusting changing my auto insurance over driving around to find out what the country was like I went up against a lot of things blindly but I knew I had to do it when you know that you have to do something bad enough to save yourself to save your life or to save somebody else's life you'll do anything to do it you will not make excuses you will not live in fear because sometimes living in fear will get you killed. A lot of times what people will say is not always what they're going to do it's just a form of fear tactic fortunately for me it wasn't running away from somebody that was trying to hurt me or harm me it was getting out of a situation which I had got myself into by being foolish and stupid and naive. It's never too late to get out of a situation that you know is wrong it's never too late to listen to your conscience and make it better for yourself it's best to be brave and not think the worst. And one thing we could always do is say what if what if I stayed what if I did this what if I did that well too bad you already did it and you know it didn't work you could rock your head around a telephone pole and twist your neck and say to yourself look what I did I wrap my head around the telephone pole I twisted my neck and of individual still hasn't change don't be a fool don't be an idiot it's not ever going to change if you've already tried your very best you can take blood out of a stone
hi tom. gr8 stuff. nice 2 see you :) wishing you health and power! 4years no contact here. blocked all sm no answers no celebrations nothing :) day by die, week by week byby weak, month by month, year by year sooo true :) really getting better n better n better. im just waiting till i get notification of his death, but in the meantime i rebuild MY life without ANY of these feelings the hacked my consciousness with :)
Hi Tom. Good to see you back! - It has mean a lot to me to listen to you! >>The problem is - nobody understand this "stand up crazyness"?! - If you are trying to explain, its getting worse? - So dont! - But!! - I will explain something else for my 3 younger siblings! I will act as if I was at my job - with children. - 35 years experience. - I know I will get nothing from them ! - No feelings - I will act in a formal way - Telling them about all the stuff from 45 - and the agreement between him and my mother, keeping it a tabu - leaving him as a sacred cow in the family?? > Maybe they will understand? - He misuses the family for his malignant business! - The family he think is his privat playground ? - But not with me! - I have never taken him for a normal person, fornunately. - Thanks to my mother - putting a little smile up then he was stamping around - But since she had died 8 years ago - he is running free wheel his lifelong hate to my?(with a nice holy attitude?!) >> But I am taking care of myself! - Not letting this dominate my whole life. One thing is for sure - He will not get my company!! since 6 years now. > Its so fantastic - knowing he wont call me - So I dont have to lie ! Relief!!
My Narc would treat me like shit before,on and after Mother’s Day 😭😤🤬 leaving me soooooo hurt and broken.💔 But of course after Mother’s Day comes Father’s Day 😆 I would treat him like the piece of shit he deserved by completely ignoring him 🤪 and that drove him crazy. It took everything in me to ignore him but I had to do it for me!!! He HATES HATES HATES ME so why would I do anything kind for him. Married 30 years and now FINALLY I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my LIFE!!! I can’t financially leave him right now but I gray rock the crap out of him EVERYDAY and I LOVE IT!! I feel more empowered each day. I am so sensitive it hurts , so for me to do this it takes everything EVERYTHING in me to gray rock and stand my ground but for my health and mental well being I must do it. Again I’ve never been happier and there really is light at the end of the tunnel. I have to be honest though my strength to do this comes from God. I’m not in this fight alone he has and continues to fight for me. God bless you all !!!
The financial stuff is pretty freaking tough tho. I have adhd, and also personally HATE the idea of money because of all this backlogged memory (using money as an indicator of importance and power), so it’s really hard to 1. get the gig and grind like mad while under so much stress from them and 2. feel confident enough to get my own rightful share of dough with the hellfire of comments regarding either academic liberal brainwashing, useless degree paths, or here’s how in debt you’re going to be so be grateful (which in reality is almost a 98% certain financial-thermonuclear bomb) etc. Moreover, I’m freakin scared too! I’m a goldenchild/scapegoat hybrid weirdo with a spooky IQ, and the words are harsh. Being constantly babied and mocked through extremely trivial bullshit in nearly every aspect of my life while, at the same time, also being legitimately kinda bad at some aspects of home-life (upkeep, haircuts, focus, staying organized etc) makes it hard to feel strong as a person at all. From that foundation, it sorta sprouts a tree of ever-increasing anxieties, then feels like bushwhacking thru life from that point forward sorta It’s like my own real problem areas have artificially manufactured baggage, guilt, self loathing and more attached, and it becomes difficult to tell even up from down, one from the other!! I got into meditation to try and uncover this bit, and even then, ya just kinda realize that all that you thought you were previously was a gestalt of experiences and impactful situations, and that it is more like you never had anything at all except for just being there. In the daytime it’s a bit freeing, but nighttime quite lonely 😞 Is that what you kinda mean by this video? Is that also the bit about it continuing to hurt regardless? Man, it’s a tough bag ngl, wish I woulda read the terms and conditions before playing this particular game lololol. I’m only 22 tho, it’s a pretty fresh playthrough still, so wish me luck in August’s Boss Battle! Stay safe :) 😂
believe me I'm doing a lot of reflecting today on Father's day and it should be about the children and daughters and sons who survived the narcissist the con-artist slick father my father was never there mentally it was always physically neglectful I was a knock off of his father you left him.my mother was always about her and he allowed my sister to believe me at such a young age along with my cousin he never stood up for me. I don't forgive him he never asked to be forgiven I think I'm writing it down as a survivor and laying down how badly I was mistreated and how horrible they were to me just horrible in general.
No contact with my covert narc sister since March 2018 . She doesn’t deserve any more contact , and she hasn’t bothered to contact me. Sad but needed . She triangulates with my grown up daughter. She is using the one thing I love to get back at me ... tragic and pathetic nasty spiteful behaviour .
No contact it's really hard I liken it to stopping smoking the first 3 days are hard the 5th day is hard. But after 3 weeks you are clear sailing you don't give in to that cigarette so you don't give in 2 that Narcissus it's not easy to leave a narcissist but in the long run just like smoking if you quit if you take charge of your life and it's going to be a lot better in the long run it's going to make you healthier if you quit smoking and it's going to be healthier for you if you leave a narcissist but the first week is very hard the second week it gets better the third week it's a matter of habit.
I will not forgive any of the abuse from my foo. NEVER. Because they are abusers and they need to stop. Some day I will have to tell my side of what really happened in that family. Because I refuse to be their victim. Sucks
Hi Tom, I have a question. Should a doctor tell a patient "it's all in your mind?" I msg my doctor and told her my arms and feet are swollen. I think its from and iron supplement I'm taking. I know it might not be from the supplement. Anyway she told me its all in my mind. I was really upset. I told her I didn't have this problem before I was fine. But, there was a time my husband gave me a pain killer. Within 20 minutes my arms and feet began to swell. I should my husband. Because he would always say I don't take medications. I don't take because so many things go wrong. Anyway my son came over a while ago. So, I told him what the doctor said. This doctor his sister-in-law. So, I do go to her. Anyway he said the same thing its all in my head. I was angry with him then he said just deal with it. Because anything I take I get a reaction so deal with it. I was I can't keep taking something that makes my arms and feet swell. So, anyway I just walked away from him. The thing is he behaves so uncaring and I know that about him. And that is also the behaviour of his father who is a narcissists. So, many times I see his behaviour and I just don't like it. I have fybromyalgia and I cannot take any medication without some side effect. I know I'm not stupid. But, living with narcissict people its just too much. What you think?
