How Do I Start Respecting My Wife?

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How Do I Start Respecting My Wife?
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or reach out via this page: Ask a Question - Ramsey (ramseysolutions.com) We want to talk to YOU!
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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10 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 199

@anneshirley9560 7 месяцев назад

Ugh, this is my sister. She always criticizes everyone in the family. I barely talk to her now. No one wants to be around a person who constantly reminds you that you will never measure up to their standards.

@pimaggot 7 месяцев назад

Same with my sister.

@adrianajimenez4342 7 месяцев назад

I can relate 😂

@BlueLotus4444 7 месяцев назад

I have a sister and a sister-in-law that does that too. I avoid them both like the plague.

@mariaotto6732 7 месяцев назад

Same. One of my older sisters is like that. Glad we live in opposite coasts of the USA lol

@d.b.1774 7 месяцев назад

This is exactly why I don’t talk to either of my siblings. They never ask any questions, yet have all kinds of opinions they call “advice” that wasn’t solicited. All they’re really saying is, “I’m so much better than you.” The world is harsh enough. No one should have to tolerate that behavior from “family.”

@londonlemons 7 месяцев назад

To me respect begins with fully recognizing and accepting that your partner is their own fully formed individual, they do not exist to fill in the gaps in your life. They are not an extension of you and do not have to mold themselves into whatever shape you are looking for. Mutual respect is crucial, without that there is no real foundation to work off of.

@selfdiscoverysupport 7 месяцев назад

Totally agree with you. People I know like this in my family don't fully acknowledge that the other person has autonomy and their own sense of self not tied to the critical person's worldview. It also seems to come from some codependency.

@saltandpepperandmint 7 месяцев назад

Yes without respect there cannot be love

@shiamaxwell3482 7 месяцев назад

I don’t think ppl that that got addicted can heal , because they got high for different reasons in the beginning. It’s a selfish program!

@Justatuberr 7 месяцев назад

Love this! It’s so true.

@drellz9361 3 месяца назад

Thank you luv this comment

@kcourtney6826 7 месяцев назад

I think John hit the nail on the head, I also think he's been told this before but its just easier to focus on his wife imperfections instead of his own.

@O0ORenae 5 месяцев назад

You really can tell he’s been told this before. So true

@stephanieann87 7 месяцев назад

I was in a marriage where he criticized me at least 10 times or more a day. I wish he had taken this advice, would have made things way better. As the partner, you feel stressed because you are constantly looking for his approval, and for a constant search for validation

@surewave8202 7 месяцев назад

Addicts have a hard time with intimate relationships and that doesn't go away when they become sober. They became used to running from self-responsibility as an addict and that stays with them - thus blaming their partner. I guess they can get over this, but after the addiction is gone, this remains unless they get special help for that also. His ability to want to deal with his own behavior is a very positive thing.

@juliestevens0426 7 месяцев назад

they also had a party atmosphere life and they don't have that "buzz" pulling them together and it just got real and it got real hard at the same time.

@TwoStrokeMC 5 дней назад

Thank you for this comment. I didn't realize how overly critical I was about things, and it's seriously been a lot of work to try to fix it within myself rather than looking at external things.

@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord 7 месяцев назад

the way he said daaaang at 2:30 hilarious 😂

@Helibeaver 7 месяцев назад

Criticism is always about you 3:10 wow. Well said Dr John. .

@mirabella2154 7 месяцев назад

Disrespect is really a great foundation for a marriage....🤦

@lucindabreeding 7 месяцев назад

My dad ALWAYS nitpicks my mother's food. And he wonders why she "lost confidence" with cooking. If I were 10 years younger and part of a different generation, I would tell my dad she didn't lose confidence for cooking. She hates cooking for him. Because nothing is ever good enough.

@HOLDXSTEEL 7 месяцев назад

It is for sure

@random-nz7dy 7 месяцев назад

@@SarahConnor562okay really? Whether or not somebody's right about a nitpick doesn't justify the nitpick. Nobody likes a nitpicker. It comes across as either overly competitive or as you just being an asshole. We all know that person and we all probably have a relative like this, who no matter what you do or how successful of a thing you accomplish, they will always on some level remind you of a flaw in the success or somewhere where you fail before. Or something you still haven't done. They're just always ready and eager to cut your tree down the second it starts to grow. Like they just have to constantly keep you in check and never let you truly feel good about something And if You are with somebody and every time they turn around you are letting them know what they did wrong, over time all of those jabs are going to destroy their confidence.

@truthbetold6942 7 месяцев назад

@@lucindabreeding - I would still tell your dad. Man up. Do what is right. He won’t like it, but who cares if it is the right thing.

@kendradamm1428 7 месяцев назад

Said no one ever 😉

@johniii8147 7 месяцев назад

I don't think it's ever gonna work out if you don't respect her. That rarely changes. You either respect someone or you don't. She should probably leave the caller and move on.

@Jacob-nb2xd 7 месяцев назад

It doesn’t have anything to do with her. If he marries another woman, it’ll just happen again. Man has to own up and put in the work for himself and the marriage.

@TesriaT 7 месяцев назад

A few people have said something this here in the comments, but despite the video title and the way he phrases his problem, what he's describing isn't "I don't respect her" it's "I don't know how to stop myself behaving disrespectfully," which is actually not the same thing. It *can* be, but as John points out this is more about him than his wife. He's nitpicking and criticising because *he's* uncomfortable, and the fact that he called in and wants to change that behaviour very much sounds like he does respect her, because he wants to change his own behaviour to stop hurting her rather than justifying what he says as being "her fault." It's really easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the first explanation that occurs to us is the reason behind behaviour (eg. you criticise because you don't respect her) but there are other explanations that can be true, such as feeling unsafe and trying to control your environment. This is also not healthy, but it's a different underlying problem.

@johniii8147 7 месяцев назад

@@Jacob-nb2xd I'd rate that us unlikely. People like that usually don't change.

@karmAnonymous 5 месяцев назад

@@johniii8147agreed

@RichardTouchfaith 7 месяцев назад

These guys don't realize how lucky they are to have a partner. I totally ignored relationships to focus on school and grades and to obtain a respectable career, then again to focus on my career (all work no play). Now it feels I've missed the dating phase. After work coming home and eating dinner solo really sucks and I've come to realize I had my priorities all messed up.

@blueseptember2174 7 месяцев назад

How old are you?

@missaliciaxxxx 7 месяцев назад

You can still meet someone

@diggernash1 7 месяцев назад

If you have a good income, women are not hard to come by. I've been married twice, in a third relationship for 10 years. Single for maybe a two years total for the past 32 years. There's way more women looking for us than us looking for them; especially recently divorced 35-45 year olds wanting to find themselves again(code for wanting to feel sexually desired again). Not difficult, but don't try to make it long-term.

@audreybringgold6217 7 месяцев назад

No relationship is better than a toxic relationship. But you gotta get out of the house and go volunteer somewhere and meet people in person! Take a community class, look up events for singles in your areas, join a church community, and make it KNOWN to your coworkers/friends/family that you want to be set up on dates.

@talyahr3302 7 месяцев назад

Maybe because you think cupid is so dumb

@joygernautm6641 7 месяцев назад

Some people think respect means treating you like an authority. Other people think respect means treating you like a human being. The problem arises, when someone says “if you don’t treat me like an authority, I will hit you like a human being”. And this is the real problem when it comes to respect.

@AJK8144 7 месяцев назад

That's a really good point, thank you for bringing that up! Reflecting on my own and relationships around me, I see many problems arising from this. It's often the most fundamental disagreement that leads to many smaller conflicts.

@karmAnonymous 5 месяцев назад

That is such an insightful way to put it. Thank you for taking the time to lay it out in such an easily digestible manner.

@javaskull88 7 месяцев назад

In AA they’d say he has his glasses on backwards. He needs to turn them around so he can focus on his flaws, not hers.

@HPLaserJet2100tn 5 месяцев назад

All women please read “Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men” by Lundy Bancroft This man’s problem is his thinking.

@kathleenmaher9556 Месяц назад

I agree. This is an excellent book.

@wednesday3561 7 месяцев назад

HAHA! I love how effortlessly and powerfully Dr John turns people's focus back on to themselves! Cuts straight through the BS 😂😂😂😂😂 Bravo, Sir!

@cindichean 7 месяцев назад

This is my husband. He is so disrespectful and when I bring it up he’s the victim. 🙄 He told me my interests are stupid. He said he doesn’t like to have a conversation with me because all I do is gossip, I have no one to talk to. So when my sister calls me about her problems I’ll tell you. He has said I will never be anything or do anything with my life… 20 years and I am tired of him.

@joanneburford6364 6 месяцев назад

Walk away hun he doesn't deserve you!

@deusexmachina9776 5 месяцев назад

u chose to marry and stay with him

@cindichean 5 месяцев назад

@@deusexmachina9776 It’s always easier on the other side. Especially when you don’t know someone’s circumstances. Lol. It makes it easier to judge people.

@deusexmachina9776 5 месяцев назад

@@cindichean ma'am no one forced you to marry him - it is western culture you chose freely

@cindichean 5 месяцев назад

@@deusexmachina9776 LMAO.

@ConnieFoster1 7 месяцев назад

My first husband was a constant daily stream of criticisms. When I told him "that isn't nice to say" he'd respond "I'm just commenting". 🙄

@marybratton5514 Месяц назад

Mine says “I’m just telling the truth”.

@beltinostavern 26 дней назад

It’s no excuse to be rude though

@michaelallen1154 7 месяцев назад

I think the dude never loved his wife and doesn't want to face that hard fact.

@coolaunt516 7 месяцев назад

Two alcoholics trying to figure it out. Figuring relationships out without having to unlearn that behavior is tough enough as it is.

@Rchase83 7 месяцев назад

I wonder how many meals this guy is making for the family. My guess is zero but had the audacity to judge her cooking. He’s lucky he gets a meal at all

@TheRay1227 7 месяцев назад

Ugh this dude has no clue as to how lucky he is to be with a female partner. For him to criticize and be disrespectful to his partner blows my mind. There are people out there who struggle with even going on dates and finding a partner. I wonder how he would feel if he ends up single. I wonder how this dude will act then. He would probably beg her to be back with him lol.

@BlueBlossomsBlues 7 месяцев назад

And you are someone whom a woman would appreciate so much but you are nervous to put yourself out there.

@random-nz7dy 7 месяцев назад

I respect this guy for being self-aware and understanding what he needs to work on. And this is a tough one. I have relatives that I absolutely love but boy they are just always ready to cut down your tree to size. Always ready to keep you in check. You could graduate from Harvard with a 3.9 GPA and they'd remind you you got a B+ in one class. You'd cook the perfect Thanksgiving dinner and they'd compliment you but then make sure to tell you that they would have appreciated one more napkin than they were given. They just seem to have this never-ending desire to always provide a criticism at every turn. And while you can struggle a lot of those moments off, over time it does affect you. Kinda like that "Not quite my tempo" moment from the movie whiplash.

@chaz7604 7 месяцев назад

That movie is incredible! Literally struggle to take breath watching it. The pitfalls of perfectionism / genius

@xpmedia8660 7 месяцев назад

The respect is already there. Or it should be. If you don't respect them don't marry them

@Jane_1994 7 месяцев назад

A lot of Dr. John's input is more or less what I would expect to hear, but this is actually really unexpected and spot-on. 👏👏

@OutCastSwagg 7 месяцев назад

“ dangggggg” that hit me

@AliciaMcIntire 7 месяцев назад

This guy feels like a skrew up because of his wasted year on addiction. Instead of working through those feelings and making positive changes, he critisizes and controls the people around him for a cheap sense of power. Dude needs to go to AA and do a thorough Step 4 inventory to help him work through those issues, so he can stop taking them out on everyone else

@liveloveresell2886 7 месяцев назад

Definitely respect them getting sober, but dang…nobody is the same person after that journey. They may find that they truly see the value in each other without the fog of alcohol etc or they could realize they aren’t what each other needs to lead a sober, happy life.

@jeanlaubenthal698 7 месяцев назад

Create some we goals and play! Word creates world …honor your word. Make promises …tell the truth …and have fun doing it. Look at how much you gain for your life.

@elyse443 7 месяцев назад

This is super unfortunate. Like all addicts he is codependent and Recovery is a long road. If they have no kids it’s probably best to just recover separately and THEN see if they are even interested in each other. After at LEAST the 4th step.

@garydavidson1731 7 месяцев назад

Recover separately? That’s dumb as hell. Marriage is a commitment and you don’t go live a weird I love Lucy separate bed life. I have years sober and we definitely need to honor the vow unless the marriage is shattered.

@ineedhoez 4 месяца назад

There is another element at play... When you are high, you might pick a person. When you sober up, you realize you picked the wrong person. I don't hang with my drinking friends anymore because I don't drink. We don't really have anything in common.

@pumpkin6464 7 месяцев назад

John Crist & Delony 👏👏👏👏

@hannahgrace5526 6 месяцев назад

I didn’t expect this to be so relatable as a 21 year old single person

@musicbrazilian7065 7 месяцев назад

Hi! This conversation has open my eyes thank you. May I please have the link for the talk with the comedian please?

@jthedon420 7 дней назад

Damn this video is really hitting home and showing me im not even happy with myself

@LFZ4243 7 месяцев назад

I'm fed up of it's your own fault analysis all the time. Sometimes some people are incorrect and need correction. This type of issue happens in all relationships from family, partner to work....familiarity breeds contempt. You need respectable distance to value self and others.

@Nature-ep5cu 7 месяцев назад

He is projecting...

@rayf6126 7 месяцев назад

Yet, you just told people to plan times to be an individual. You just shifted the focus of responsibility from treat your wife respectfully when you're with her to take care of yourself.

@ClaireGreen-wd2gm 3 месяца назад

My EX husband qas always critical of any cooking that wasnt his grandmas cooking. Id have asked her to give me lessons if she hadnt been very dead.

@blitzkrieg6872 4 месяца назад

This man needs to get real problems. He should be thanking his lucky stars that he even has a wife who is still living under the same roof with him and tolerating his relentless verbal abuse (criticism, belittling). His wife is very lucky that she has somewhere else to go. I don't understand why she bothers to return, because this is his personality. He has a critical nature and they have not been married long enough for it to already be this ugly. He says how can he respect his wife? He doesn't have it within him. He lacks respect. He is a man who "lacks respect" and it has nothing to do with his wife who has now become his victim. It won't get better. It will get worse. He does not deserve to be married. Why am I so adamant about this? Well, because I am the wife in this scenario. Unlike her, I am trapped. I literally have no place else to go. I am forced to endure the relentless criticism from my husband whom I once loved and whom I now despise. So, again, I would urge this woman to leave and file for divorce and I would urge this man to seek therapy and "fix" himself before he ever would ensnare another unsuspecting woman into his life whom he plans to emotionally abuse.

@karmAnonymous 5 месяцев назад

Crazy, I skimmed through the channel & surprise surprise these kinds of titles are in large influx tied to XYs.... But yeah.... Women are just being dramatic.

@jeanlaubenthal698 7 месяцев назад

Or easier to go back to drinking if does not have a wife to be accountable to and for.

@Nature-ep5cu 7 месяцев назад

Dr Delony, do you like yourself as you always put yourself down. There is a fine line between being humble and often putting yourself down. Your feelings or what u are going through doesn't often mean what the male callers are feeling, give them the opportunity to express themselves without conclusions based on what u are comfortable doing to yourself. Your approach or advice to this caller and some other male callers is manipulative tatics which is apparent in the video with u and your wife. Stop projecting and I hope u find healing because u seem to be a good person.

@dahliacheung6020 Месяц назад

Hell yeah to your wife, John, for learning to become a grill master! Good steaks are worth it!

@ItsMrstoyouboo 7 месяцев назад

Soon as he said west palm beach ....and read the title...i scoffed 😂........typical

@user-fi4gd6ev4s 7 месяцев назад

I knew that everything my wife did was perfect and it was my fault for bringing it up.

@jimv77 7 месяцев назад

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me....sock it to me(4X).....

@lindseysanders727 7 месяцев назад

😂

@d.b.1774 7 месяцев назад

::background:: Just a little bit….just a little bit…. 😂

@thorneto2742 7 месяцев назад

I haven’t watched this yet but wtf lol

@esmeseyfried6394 7 месяцев назад

I think he just miss the alcohol. It will pass.

@connie0613 7 месяцев назад

Ugfff the title!

@minuit6305 7 месяцев назад

My man sounds like a Virgo♍️!

@sutty85 6 месяцев назад

What? You are so wrong.

@sutty85 6 месяцев назад

Read up on Virgos. You are absolutely incorrect

@christianscacchetti9178 2 месяца назад

Rodney Dangerfield Uno reverse card

@frankalmanzar3492 7 месяцев назад

I ❤️ women

@jeannef23 7 месяцев назад

I thought Dr. John had 2 children? A boy and a girl? Does he ever bring her up when he offers an example of something similar in his life, to that of the caller? I once heard him say he doesn’t know how to be a father to a girl. Am I mistaken in my view? Maybe his wife took her daughter with her that night so the son was the only one with him.

@kenandrieling5885 7 месяцев назад

People have to earn respect. It is not just given by default

@madeline982 7 месяцев назад

Yes it is lol

@djpuplex 7 месяцев назад

Don't marry that's usually a good idea.

@cashway0420 7 месяцев назад

Delony should be deported from Texas until he learns to grill like a real man. Hank Hill would hate this guy...

@flashthecorgi2053 7 месяцев назад

He doesn’t live in TX so no need to be deported! 🤣

@cashway0420 7 месяцев назад

The guy can't even bbq but he's giving ppl life advice. Good lord, I'm surprised he knows how to work the phone...@@flashthecorgi2053

@cashway0420 7 месяцев назад

He doesn't belong in any state until he mans up@@flashthecorgi2053

@PepeCoinMania 7 месяцев назад

Respect is a product of FEAR, if you dont fear you dont respect. Thats why countries has Atomic weapons, to impose respect. Don't confuse things about that, a man often won't respect any woman anyway

@ediblelipscrubs9466 6 месяцев назад

Pepe detected opinion rejected

@lidewijcroes1795 2 месяца назад

That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever read

@boston312 7 месяцев назад

"She is not on the phone so lets just deal with you". Has anyone ever heard Dr John say such words to a female caller regarding her husband? The gender biasm on this channel is off the charts

@flashthecorgi2053 7 месяцев назад

Lol he literally just said it in the call after this one to a woman. Listen better sweetheart! 🙄 Also, just in case you need proof it’s 2:50 on the next video after this one called My husband talks down to me (I don’t know what to do)

@briskettacos 7 месяцев назад

Yeah, he has, you're just making a hard-to-verify claim hoping nobody will refute you.

@NRQ-zv5bp 7 месяцев назад

Yes

@madeline982 7 месяцев назад

Stop comparing yourself to women and you'll be happier

@janaslechtova5504 3 месяца назад

Yes he says it to women all the time.

@jjfarm9562 7 месяцев назад

This is a call you'd never get from a women. They will never seek to be a better spouse

@CM-xu6bd 7 месяцев назад

False: I’m a wife and here seeking ways to be a better spouse.

@Ryan-wx1bi 7 месяцев назад

Turn off the phone and go talk to a real women. What you see online isn't accurate lmao

@hannahdewinter5515 7 месяцев назад

False lol 😂

@briskettacos 7 месяцев назад

Ah, the dedicated he-man woman-hater

@chrissyellem7397 7 месяцев назад

Right (rolls eyes)-I've been married 3x and take full responsibility in my later years that I have caused some/most of the problems in those relationships. If you don't grow you can't find that rainbow.

@dabd8175 7 месяцев назад

The female doesn't require respect

@heyhey439 7 месяцев назад

The male doesn't require a mate.

@auemmjee 7 месяцев назад

What's it like to be obsessed with women?

@dabd8175 7 месяцев назад

@@heyhey439 *Man

@debfox 7 месяцев назад

Based on your comment history, you need help! 😮

@d.b.1774 7 месяцев назад

@@debfox Yes. Yes he does.

@LKS92Y 7 месяцев назад

Divorce.

@theresaanderson8395 6 месяцев назад

Sounds like after that divorce, going forward, you will to let any female that you attempt to date in on the reality that you just do not like most females. Sad to say, you most likely want someone who has more to offer to you, than you have to offer them. Then, as an attempt to level the playing field in the relationship, you will criticize or even worse, become passive-aggressive via ghosting or the silent treatment whenever you are not getting your particular needs met. Men are not the only people who play these narcissistic passive aggressive games, women can act this way as well Sad fact, nothing will ever work if you constantly play the SUM ZERO GAME My way, or the Highway usually results in all out rejection from you partner