How Do I Stay Present with My Family Members? 

Having compassion for your parents as you would any other person presenting their patterned fears and attitudes helps so much. Thankfully, I eventually learned how to do that years before my mum died - to see my mum as hampered by her own material which she hadn't either chosen to heal, or her conditioning made the options presented for healing unpalatable to her. I could hear and see her as a wonderful woman trapped by her past. I offered her my attention, my care and drew on my own knowledge that parents are not all-knowing Gods!! 😅 I also am a mother, I have times of presentness and rationality, and times, when triggered, when my patterns might play. It hurts to be judged for my patterns, for which I am not to blame. However, it is my responsibility to heal. And so it is for every generation, perhaps, to heal the multi-generational muddles and bring all into the light. With love to all and thanks to Eckhart. Kxxx

Incredible Being with such soundful wisdom ☺

I was working in a factory in my early 20's and feeling badly about it, then one day out of the blue I thought to myself, "focus on what you have instead of on what you don't have", and the cloud was lifted for a while, until I shared this pearl of wisdom with my mother who responded, "bah, I don't believe that!".

Thank you Mother’s for bringing me into this world

Thank you, thank you and Thank you.

My mother is just like how you describe. I am comfortable having no communication with her. Peaceful

This was a fantastic session. I needed this right now. Such clarity.

Great teaching! Sometimes it's necessary to go no contact with a parent because they will actually try and sabatoge aspects of your life to fulfill their projections of who you should be. Also, a parent can become physical, trying to make you fulfill their projections about who you "need" to be.

This is gold, Eckhart! I love my mother dearly, she understands me as her son, but not so me as a grown man. That doesn’t mean that I love her any less. Certainly not! Your note saying that my mother would hope that I should be “successful”, as in _financially_ successful, especially for any woman in my life, is exactly on point! I have needed to learn that I don’t need my mother to understand me. I accept my mother’s view of her world, but I disagree with her ideology for me. Since I have moved on from that, I have lifted that burden that you indicate and have come to rest, that we can “agree to disagree”, and our relationship - which hasn’t been _that_ bad by the way - has got a better. ❤

These are the smartest,wise and true words about family relationships I have ever heard in my life. Don't judge your parents, anyway they don't deserve it. Compassion saves the world❤ So grateful 💓🙏✨🌠 ✨🌺

I understand exactly. My mother left me when I was four years old. I accepted it. I still feel the same. She was a human being. That’s what I learned. Not just a mother. But a person in herself.

I relate to the mother story.Thanks Eckhart ❤

Thank you Eckhart

Thanks Eckhart! It's a perfect video for the holidays! Happy Thanksgiving everyone! 🍂💐🍂💐🍂

Took me a long time to stop worrying and feeling hurt about the things my mum used to say to me. But now, I enjoy her and her qualities outweigh her faults…they always did…I just wasn’t seeing it. This seeing has given me back so much joy & love for her and myself. I think she feels loved and accepted. It’s been a revelation and feels easy to give & receive love

Thanks for sharing love, truth. Love and courage for all to be here.

my takeaway on this is about setting expectation, seeking validation, and things that we think we can control but we can't - making others to understand our point. these will lead us to another cycle of suffering in ourselves. thank you again Eckhart for the reminder to stay present, mindful and be compassionate with ourselves, everyone, everything around us

What a perfect video for thanksgiving time. Haha, thank you Eckhart.

So good. Need this. Such right moment

Thank you!! Needed this. Love you all. Happy Thanksgiving

...." occasionally you could see her being shining through her eyes, when she stopped talking .".....😅...I can relate to that

This advice helped me with my relationship ( lack there of)with my mother. She past away at 96. Without this healing mindset ,I would have never been able to go through this.I kept Eckhart’s teaching close to my heart before and after the visits. I accepted her conditioning and suffered less in her criticisms. I let her go in compassion and acceptance. May they all rest in peace.

When they said she was going crazy, she was awakening. When they said that she was isolating, she was healing. When they said she was acting funny, she was growing. When they said that she had changed, she was evolving. When they said she did not care anymore, she finally realized that her peace lives within. When they said he was becoming distant, he was learning to trust himself. When they said he was losing touch, he was finding his inner voice. When they said he was being stubborn, he was asserting his boundaries. When they said he was aloof, he was finding solitude and serenity. When they said he was being unrealistic, he was dreaming bigger.

Thank you Eckhart, you are divine ❤🙏

Well put. It doesn’t mean that you stay around narcissistic parents, siblings, people for too long. This is extremely wearing. You have to play this “game”, you can’t be your true self. All you are doing is acting. You are then yes being authentic but , not interacting, and you will really feel isolated. Occasional visits yes longer term no. To interact with narcissistic types is useless. Remember they probe to get a reaction to feed their ego. The only way they know how to get food ( energy)

"I hear what your saying. I hear you. "

My mother taught me a lot, still teaching me today. To stay present no matter what. She was not a good mother, she still isn’t but I accept her the way she is. What helped me was seeing that it had actually not come from her, it come from before her and before my grandmother. I can’t pin point when it started but it helped me realise that if I was to hate my mother for how I was raised or how she is, the cycle would just keep on going. I always have to remember to stay out of my head when I’m around her or when she comes to mind.

Powerful information. I will be rewatching. And not just for parental relationships but other family AND for the part I play. I say that I have "quiet quit" my family. In US: " Quiet quitting refers to doing the minimum requirements of one’s job and putting in no more time, effort, or enthusiasm than absolutely necessary. " That's where I am... no estrangement but minimal interaction and that at my discretion and convenience. So far, I do not have guilt, etc. for my choice. As far as my mother, I told her that she only had to call and I would collect her to help her move wherever she wanted (there is a step-father situation). I am at peace with my decision(s) but am also reviewing my own conduct!

Way to respond to a Narcissist as per Psychologist Dr Ramani (and tried and tested): the DEEP technique: DONT DEFEND DONT ENGAGE DONT EXPLAIN DONT PERSONALISE Do NOT expect Narcissists to “change”. They do NOT change.

I made some really big changes at 46 and oh my gosh I needed my mum more than ever. I have been so depressed and mum's cruelty to myself and my children really shocked us. Been really tough.

We should all be very angry with our minds for misleading and lying to us and causing us so much pain. Better yet, just transcend the mind. 🤣🤙

Love this. Thank you Eckhardt! 🤍

i'm laughing so hard at ur story of ur mom and u

This is VERY relevant for me also.. Very similar situation with my parents. More my father, but affected relationship even more EXTREMELY than this person. Been trying to do as advised here tbh as we didn't speak for last 4 years until this year. Similar age as this person also. This must be more common than I thought..

Very revealing information. I’m grateful. Thanks.💓

🤣"If you think you are enlightned spend two weeks with your parents." 🤣 OMG I live with both my parents at 43!😲😫😂 I knew I was on the right path to enlightment!🤣🌱🧚🏻‍♀️🙏

This is so so true. This is my sister to a T. Thank you.

Yes... There are burdens there in these relationships... Thank you Tolle. You know, one thing I'm contemplating on is the shared nature of these things, or "shared unconsciousness". Like you mention, it can happen, that you make unconsciousness stronger between you. There's a step in Steps to Knowledge that says "nothing has ever been created alone, even in your mind." It's a new viewpoint I haven't been able to grasp yet, but feels very true... That everything is a result of relationship...

I appreciate that the universe intervened with the algorithm to present me with this video the day after Thanksgiving. 😂. And not because of my mother if not because some family members make us react irremediably. I who thought I was close to enlightenment yesterday checked that with some theme I have not moved an inch 😂.

My son keeps telling me that I am a great mom . But listening to this video helps me reflect on my attitude towards my son . Some changes are definitely needed . Thanks for enlightening me !

It’s easy to say “it’s just conditioning”. Narcissistic criticism is damaging.

This video comes in time for so many of us as holidays approaching. There’s always someone we can relate to with the person who asked the question. Eckhart explained it so well, it guides us how to jump out of our mind, and not to be conditioned like the other person. Thank you so much for your teaching. Gratefully ~ 💕

Your such a joy. 😂. Thank you

I think my now 23 year relationship with my partner (wife) was "the straw that broke the camel's back". Disapproval and judgement was met on all sides from both siblings and parents. Yet the family must go on! (Despite the more apparent problems that were never truly recognized such as alcoholism and infidelity). What it came down to in the end was the limitations and limiting beliefs that existed in my parents and still exist in my siblings. It is sad. We don't talk to each other anymore--only recognizing our various birthdays. But through self study and listening to helpful people like Eckhart, I realize that I am who I am, and they are who they are--and that's just the way it's going to be.

That‘s so true! My parents are my greatest teachers ever! 😅🫶 But I‘ve learned to accept them! Since I can sense their conditioning I can understand their acting! 😇🙏

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Be in a state of gratefulness and presence because that Mother you love and suffer with / without will be gone one day too soon. Miss my Momma every day but so happy to have had the time with her when I did, even in her most criticizing days. Her unawareness made me more aware and less defensive because what's the point? It's just Mom being Mom and don't internalize her ego and outer thoughts. Happy Thanksgiving all & thank you so much for this video!

I need to bring more Presence into my relationship with my Mom. Personally I’m up for change, finally. Used to get trigger by not being understood. But gratitude, awareness, and so much more helped me.

It is the human perception of death which draws a breath of cognitive dissonance. Many families have been re united with their loved ones after this life. Yeshua (Pbuh) informed your species the soul is eternal yet humans believe death is "real." All God asks from your species is to follow the Laws in the Old Testament and embrace your love for animals and marine life. What you receive in return isn't even remotely realistic. My mother ensured I mastered meditation when I was 8 years old. For Alien Beings meditation is extremely fluid. For humans it is static. I took my mothers life with the "Kiss Of Death" because she had an assignment with a different species and I received approval from heaven. The breath of life is what all of you should be grateful for. Millions and millions of children around the world starve to death from being malnourished. In the Israel/Hamas war thousands are being blown to bits. Is this the life your family has? It is easy to engage in philosophical jargon and rhetoric when you have the luxury of intellectual endeavours. After this life I am going back home and your species will have no knowledge of me every being here. I suppose we are all waiting for our turn to die because there is nothing in this world worth living for. (Goo Goo Dolls: Broadway)

All the laughters are so useless

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Every time I see his video, it's the perfect video for now, it gives me an idea of ​​how to deal with close people who are not used to living in the here and now👌🙂

In case of family and people i guess most people's lives are super challenging. 😅😁

I can understand that in such trying circumstances, there is an impulse to just 'let it all wash over you' and pay no heed to the parent - and that can make things more bearable. But it does not mean that the situation is not a tragedy. The solution presented is not ideal. Surely there is a way for both parties to agree that they are different and that's okay but still find some fundamental value in and respect for the other?

❤needed this 😊😊😊

It DOES make a difference because with understanding comes much more compassion and a shift in energy and dynamics in the relationship

God this stuff is so wise and funny at the same time I'd have fallen to the ground because of laughing if I didn't lied in bed anyway :D

It’s so hard to stay present with my mom and allow her to talk when she is constantly questioning me. I don’t always know how to answer. She is extremely wounded so her questions come from her wounded inner child.

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Beautiful video ❤

...minha mãe era assim. "já vai né? é só 'batendo perna,' não pára mais em casa, parece que está adivinhando ' passarinho verde', depois não vai dizer que não te avisei, ( virava as costas e saía, e no mesmo momento: voltava) é isso mesmo, e tem mais heim" ...e lá ia ela por aí à fora...

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I love this man!

I don't know why they all laughed at her suffering. That confused me.

Yes... But how can you keep your love and dedication and respect when your mother keeps bullying you? How can you keep your balance and inner peace when she's alternatively a nice person and a bad, evil person? I have to stay with her, for a while, and I am exhausted by her every day changes 😢

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Thank you so much it's so helpful

Thank you

Thank you, I'm 53 and also stopped contact. I recognise this so....

Merci !

What is up with all the inappropriate laughter, especially after the reading of the question at the beginning? This subject matter is very serious and heartbreaking and is quite a widespread and ubiquitous problem experienced by many, and I can only imagine how shocked the person was who wrote the question once all the immature laughter ensued. I often feel like the audience in these videos is made up of a bunch of kids who are expecting something funny and are just awkwardly laughing as a sort of programmed reaction.

Legend ❤🙏

Thank you, brother and the team. I believe it is time for the final teaching. Can you answer the hard question of consciousness. Namely, how you or I can do the things we appear to be able to do. Not just externally, of course, but also internally. The question has been answered, but no one until now has bothered to put the pieces together. It is answered quite beautifully by the amalgamation of science, spirituality and religion. Ramanamma Who? Author and 21st-century prophet is the vessel through which the answer is being given to (fake) humanity. Love and Wisdom to you and your families. RW ❤️ 🙏

When she stopped talking 😂😂cheeky

3- A child cannot think this way always, and not all become Elkhart, etc., manipulating, thinks he is helping. Humans have particular needs and sensibilities. Parents cannot not always be helpful, and may be their parents were also like them or worse. As in philosophy, I find Elkhart repulsive.

'I hear you' Eckhart Tolle😊yes now, thanks🙏❤️ı love you🌹

Actual conversation for many young or not many young people. Thx man👌

You can take this one step further and agree with the person who critisices you. Quite often the total lack of pushback makes them go into such extreme positions that even they realise they are talking nonsense.

2-And listen to the US American audience! Ha ha ha, if you want ha ha ha go to a comedy show

💜🌿💜🌿💜🌿🙏🙏🙏

I really needed to hear this, thank you Eckhart! ♥

That question wasn’t funny, hippies.

I'm in love with this content. I read a book with similar content, and I'm in love with it. "Mindful Mastery: Living Intentionally in a Chaotic World" by Kyle Ash

Thank you ❤🌸

my takeaway on this is about setting expectation, seeking validation, and things that we think we can control but we can't - making others to understand our point. these will lead us to another cycle of suffering in ourselves. thank you again Eckhart for the reminder to stay present, mindful and be compassionate with ourselves, everyone, everything around us

Thank your and happy thanksgiving 🍁

😅😊 👍Thankyou dear dr Tölle 💙💙🙏😇

What still happens to me sometimes is that when I do or say something and the person understands it in a different way, I mean that they can't see or feel the intention behind what I say or do and they misinterpret it. I still feel the need to give explanations or defend my point of view to clarify my intention because it was evidently misinterpreted. Should I let people stick with the interpretation they gave it? Or should I give explanations to clarify from what intention I did or said something? It happens to me with injustices, whether with me or with other people. I fully understand that it comes from the Ego and that we should not feed the Ego nor fight the Egos, but then is it correct to let them remain with a misinterpretation of the intention behind the facts? Thank you.

Thanks!

The closest to us seem to test our own limits but we are not alone we interact with others on so many different levels. We create the perception of a separation between us and them. There is no us and them and after all we are only ordinary beings…. I stole from PF but it’s true. We create and destroy.

Yes our parents and all of us are dealing with deep generational, cultural, religious, etc., conditioning and yes the crux is programs that do harm. It would seem the task is to awaken to the fact that the human is deeply divorced from its true nature. The true father and mother might be of the nature of Jesus talking to father. Our remorse is not totally incorrect as we all seek divine mother and father. Some parents are congruent with spirit alignment. Most are not. Therapy makes a fortune posturing the good parent model where so many feel they have lost out. That keeps the money flowing.

Unrendered. ;)

As a young adult I came to realize there were certain topics to steer clear of if I wanted to maintain relations with my parents and my siblings.

This is what is happening to me with my grandmother and the rest of my family My mother is the best of them all but she still has issues. My girlfriend showed this to me and I'm hoping that I can use it to learn a little bit

Mom is always playing the same old download in her mind 😂 I’m sorry that was so funny I had to pause the video and laugh

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You admitted you never listened to her - Baba Ram is telling you

Thank you Eckhart 🙏❤️

~comments~ I actually feel like my thoughts are less important- texting wise. Like oh Das ma mind. (BTW ur so psychic for making this vid 😂)❤❤❤

I am so grateful to see my mind is full of programs and others are too... lm so blessed to still have my mama and papa around ... lm 51 yrs old awakening now . Thank Goodness Oceans have waves and always will ..big or small Just like the brain continues movement we just allow that to pass the brain is a huge storage unit. Thank you all for my experiences Xo 🤗

Re-evaluation co-counselling (RC) has been around since the 1950s. An observation of how patterned behaviour is formed, how the influence of the patterns can be identified and healed through the discharge process (laughing, crying, shaking and more). In the RC community we learn not to identify the person with their patterns (no matter who they are) but to recognise behaviours coming out of patterned behaviour - which is unhealed pain. We learn how to help each other to heal those patterns. It certainly has helped see all people, including family, as the humans they are within the context of their societal, cultural and family patterned influences. It's a global activity and community for which I am very grateful. kxx