We can influence a man, but real change has to come from him. If he doesn't want to do better, that's on purpose NOT by accident. Sad to say but all the way real, be prepared to LEAVE and go on with your life. Oftentimes, they understand ACTIONS more so than WORDS.🙏🏽💯
Women have to show a man there are negative consequences for his bad behavior regardless if he changes - for her own sake, dignity and out of self-respect and not being a doormat 💯
@@Shemashay Contents like this will continue to be relevant, bc women will always deal/get involved with men. Many of us find it difficult to leave when our hearts have been invested. A woman's heart, as good as it is, can be her own worst enemy. So to hear sound advice from a solid man like Tony can be very helpful. This topic can get mundane for some, it's okay to take a break from it. But I also understand, when you're done you're done.
I agree women influence men and cannot force them, but the men have to decide to do what's right. A God-fearing man will do this much more likely, rather than a man who doesn't fear God. Either way, a woman must have proper standards, boundaries and be willing to leave. And being willing to leave doesn't mean sit around and wait on him for 5 years. Get up and go sooner than later.
I did that exact thing-was very calm and told my husband I was so unhappy I could see myself leaving with someone else who was kind to me…. He still didn’t change. We are now divorced.
You get a man to change by not giving a damn and focusing on your mental health vs his. That way you won’t give a damn if he changes or not cause your living best life and being non effected.💯🙌🏾
Some men are giving you what they expect you to accept. It's your job to refuse it. This process should start early. If you don't like his behavior, then shut him out off top. Saves time.
I see alot of women see the word change as trying to force or convince. Every human needs correction. Changing a man really just means expressing what you like and dislike and what are your deal breakers in a relationship without bringing out your list but addressing or praising them as they happen. If you can not communicate then unfortunately you are not ready for marriage. Once you have expressed yourself you decide how crucial what you are expressing is to the health of the relationship. Every woman is different. I dont want a man bringing what he used to do with his old gf to me. Once you as the woman have expressed yourself with the same understanding and grace God has given you, to your man and he refuses to adjust to your desires, then its time to leave. If you are the one, your voice will become a prison in his mind that he cant escape from and he will finally hear everything you said as loud as day. Once hes made all the adjustments it will be up to you rather you want to try again. Sometimes too much damage has been done and sometimes you understand that you were the only person who had something with him he was afraid to lose. We are all a work in progress, and we can't have conceit in our own experiences that we lack the willingness to understand.
If you've sat with a man and in the beginning, you both laid down the things that you like and dislike but somehow he continues to do the very things you told him that you didn't like then, it's a choice and I choose not to let anyone treat me that way so him changing should be his choice, not mine! Even the Bible says, choose ye this day whom you will serve, so everything is a choice, good or bad! Amen...
This is such an insightful comment. Thank you for sharing. We are all flawed. We must have patience in dealing with others yet be sensible & discerning.
@@beac8238 thanks and your welcome. As a long time listener to Tony. I know he doesn't condone giving a man years with no marriage. All this is in the dating period but everyone's dating timeline is different and everyone's rating for different things is different. So many women listened to list and heard allow a man to run you through the mud, disrespect you and try to change him while 5,7, 10 yrs go by. Smh the spirit of entilement is plaguing men and women.
It is very painful when it’s a man you love and they still hurt your feelings simply because they don’t take you or the pain you’re experiencing seriously and then they leave. It’s heartbreaking. I hope in future I can make better decisions with men who won’t take me for granted.
I will never want a man to change for anyone but themselves and God because at the end of his life, I'm sure he would want to hear "Well done thou good and faithful servant!" This should be the goal for every human, not because of a relationship but because it's the end of the story of his/her life!
I had to listen to this a few times. I have to admit I talk and talk then I walk and once I walk I’m completely done and don’t go back. I may forgive and even communicate with them but that door shuts for reengagement in terms of relationship once I walk away.
I found myself nodding when he said men need to know there are consequences. So many men I've known--family, friends, and exes--push until they're called on it then feel ENTITLED to another chance even though they knew better. I don't understand that at all.
I told the man that I’m dating everything Tony said In this video verbatim. I explained what it was that I needed him to change, what the outcome would be if he did {Reward) and the consequence if he didn’t which would be that I’m leaving him immediately. Especially the part about how I’m not bluffing and I would leave and he would never hear from me again. I had a calm and believable tone. When I got done he said wow I Love you and you are it. You’re my wife and I will change everything you need me too because I Love you! He said that he respects me enough to change his ways. There was no debate from his end. I was shocked! Tony Gaskins you’re the Truth!
When life experience hit us we make change but people can advise you and encourage you to change but it’s up to the individual and Tony Gaskins is definitely giving education
The whole point Mr. Gaskins has is that women can influence men to change. Women don't have to carry men around on our backs or take actions to try to force them to do right. No. We respect ourselves enough, value ourselves enough to be intolerant of their shenanigans and to verbalize to them consequences and carry out those consequences.
Yeah my husband thought I was bluffing and I kept talking to him telling him every time I made a move i gave up his parking space. I switched my cellphone over to another company. None of my house bills were in his name but that was due to him traveling once we moved into our new place. He still has not waken up yet! I end up finally getting my key from him but he kept the key to get in the building and the mailbox key, so now I think he’s taking my mail. This man is so straight up stubborn he won’t come see his child nor has he given and money to his child for support at all! It’s like why the hell do you have to challenge someone who has taken vows and claims to love you and who is a adult!
Tony, I really love this conversation because I do agree with you that many people have been coddled their entire life and it’s very difficult to try to break that habit with men and women. It’s hard for them to take accountability do the necessary steps it takes to become a better person for the relationship.
She don’t, women are not supposed to change men. If men don’t come correct or already have their shyt together, then we as women got better shyt… to do… like making money, traveling, investing… you know like real stuff to do in life type
💯💯💯 I would rather pour that energy into me to be best the version of myself. The reality is that most men need to go see a therapist. Women are always expected to bear the labor of men’s emotional tantrums, be understanding and all that jazz. I have no desire or interest to a give a man consequences like he is a child. How about being a decent human being in the first place.
@@kay-tee335 lol like now and days these are not men, they are mental projects. Like we as women do not have time to decipher what going with them, all of this broken men talk is bull shyt to especially when they are having kids and they are fathers themselves… I say this bc we have understand the parenthood is true self correct and therapy in my opinion
I hate when a man is trying to tell us how to communicate with a man and then we as women get in the comments and disagree. A man is telling you how to handle men, so listen! Lol
Tony your videos always make my heart sink a little when I’m watching it the first time. I normally rewatch them or start and finish later when I’m in a space to digest.
Hi Tony, I've been listening to your show for a month. It didn't take me long to realize I've been in a toxic marriage for 23 years. I stayed with him because he would eventually say sorry and promise to do better. He's not completely a bad person but it's enough to call it quits when we never resolve anything and it's an endless cycle of problems and issues on infinite repeat. Will I was packing he ate and watched me. Then when I was done he went and got a piece of cake I made and ate while starring at me. I shook my head and smirked, (because he's showing that he doesn't care). He saw the smirk and head shake and gave me an ugly look like what's my problem. I feel naive, lost and insanely mad because of all the time and love I put in our marriage for him to eat and watch me leave. Thank you and please pray for me.
That price is real I know personally. Someone very close lost his life over something so stupid 😢 You gotta be careful who you date … People have messy pass
Truth!!!💯 never thought about it that way God and the devil can use a woman to change a man that's deep! That means it just depends on who that man is listening to!
I second that! Leave! I just left my one year relationship a few days ago. He is an alcoholic and started verbally abusing me. It only gets worse. They only stop when ready…unfortunately most don’t. Communicating with them about anything is absolutely pointless…their God, their lover is that bottle.
It is no wonder some don't take a lot of women seriously. Many women have been known to tap/ slap their man's wrist or face and stay with him after him cheating on them. "Oh Johnny! You cheated!" Smack, smack. He feels a few stings and she stays with him. Some women reinforce and reward men's bad behaviors due to being conditioned to do so. From the age of young, many girls hear that boys can do this and girls can't; boys can get away with this and girls can't; we hear "boys-will-be-boys" used out of context in a statement of lack of accountability. So, it's drilled in girls enough for some women to develop and maintain low expectations and high tolerance for men's bad behaviors.😞
I dunno. I’m soft spoken but I mean what I say. I ended the relationship after trying for 5 years. We did couples therapy and everything. He just wouldn’t stop the verbal and emotional abuse. Believe me, I spoke clearly. He kept pushing me past the point and cared more about the fight and winning by shutting me down than he ever did about taking accountability. So he lost.
There is only one women a man will change for if he want to change he will change period nobody can’t make no one do anything and if they do change for the wrong reason the relationship is doom and if will fail
You can't change people, so if a man is not who you want, don't waste your time. Find someone who is already someone you can respect/admire without trying to change. You can also change your perspective. If you wait for someone to change, you will be disappointed. Mark my words!
Hi, how do i deal with old man talking to me on the streets? I just came around with my bike, and then he said 'yooooo', all out of the sudden, and it just makes me so cringeworthy. Cause here i am trying to be a women, and then we get to deal with such annoying behavoir of old man that feel like bothering young women
When this subject came around…. Some men said this to me : a man never changes even tough a woman might want to do it … so ,my personal view point is : it’s a waist from my TIME . He needs to go under counseling knowing what it takes to marry and STAY married ! Successful marriages are NOT for EVERYONE! Why should I waste my TIME ?! My TIME is as valuable as the time off a man .
Why change him? If you think you need to change him, then you might be saying you don't like him as he is. If nothing he does agrees with you, then that might be the case. Find somebody else.
A man only changes for himself not because of a woman I’ve been there. They are selfish, you leave, come back and they go back to their old ways! Why should we treat them like children? So annoying!
Excuse me, but as I understand the story of Adam & Eve. God took a rib from Adam's side to create Eve to be his "helpmate." I heard you say, "A man is the head and the woman a tail?? Genesis 2, 18 & 20-24. (I find what you said as offensive) Your other advice is well-taken.)
The video style - in the car talk - is actually quite annoying and distracting. Plus you are driving, the hesitation in the speech makes it hard to listen to you…
