For a boy who wished to learn everything in the world, who can paint, play piano, cook, take a degree in physics, and eat Shakespeare like chocolate, you mean a lot. Even though I have starved, lost my place at top UK universities due to the financial constraints of the pandemic, seeing you live your life as fully as possible brightens my day and gives me the courage to hope for the best. Living in a third-world country, I slept under the open sky, staring at the stars, during my degree. It is the thirst to know better of the world, a place I found so mysterious growing up, that lit my way. I hope that I can move between physics, arts, and medicine in my life. My father used to read Mary Shelley's Frankenstein when I was a child. You remind me so much of its protagonist. I hope your passions will continue to burn against the cold of life, and you may have all the happiness. Memento mori.
Yesterday my whole day went crying and hurt over my relative's mean comment on my career . By the end of the day I found that don't waste more than 5 min over it if it Not gonna matter in 5 yrs. That gave me a lot of clarity and calm.
@MJ it's not the profession. It's the me into the profession. He thinks I am aiming to high and will not be good in this . From wht I know He is judging for my past ( I had to take a gap yr ) and I am inspired by my future. His opinions doesn't change my beliefs but it hurted my emotions.
I kinda relate to this cause I was a really bad student in the past but now I love learning and want to focus on my studies but most of my relatives and even my parents discourage me all the time. All the best for your future!
Before you admitted to being a people pleaser, I never found you coming across as one, your personality screamed “I don’t give a damn of what others think of me”. You’re a very unique person and I’m delighted that I came to find you via your channel. If there were few more people like you, this world would be a wonderful place to live. Lots of love ❤️ 💕
"I'll be fine regardless of what happens" is a mindset that I've found really helps. 👌Similar to you mentioning "shutting off" those certain things and getting things done anyways. Love the positivity in this one Elizabeth!
Elizabeth, you're one of the few youtubers, I keep up with to watch weekly videos. I love the topics you bring forth. It's very meaningful and makes you think and reflect on your life.
Thanks for sharing as always. I believe failing is learning and if you're not failing you're not pushing the boundaries of what you can do. I built a chain of 50 high street stores in the UK some years ago and saw them fail after 10 years of hard work, I started again on the road to greater success based on the knowledge gained on that journey.
I love how you challenge everything I thought I already knew everything about. You really shift my perspective and it feels liberating to incorporate your thoughts into my views on life. I love your videos.
There's NO WAY you're boring. A person with your IQ can never be boring :) However, not caring about what people think requires pretty high self-esteem which is a gift we should have all received from our parents. Emotionally healthy parents. I was brought up by very abusive and highly unstable, although very well educated parents (my mother is a retired psychologist!). At home I learnt violence, fear, anger and was equipped with very poor self-esteem. I turned out to be different from my folks - thank God - but at 45 I still suffer from terrible anxiety, social phobia and no confidence whatsoever. I've been working on resolving these problems for the past 20 years with little success. I sometimes think we subconsciously believe that the society judges us and seeks to punish us just like our parents did. Individuals with healthy upbringing in stable environment are much more cheerful and open-minded. Or maybe it's just me :) Sending ❤❤❤ from Poland! I absolutely love your videos 🙏 (Also, I'm writing down point 3 and point 4, very useful 👍)
You don't think you're funny or cool, but that intro had me laughing A LOT! I love this video, I think everyone should be made to watch this. Especially in a world where social validation is something so many of us are chasing - especially the younger generation.
Why do we think this way? It has everything to do with the fact that we assume people care as much about us as we care about ourselves. Well, they don’t. People are most interested in themselves.
I think there is a measure of commonality with medical students in this regard, where we excelled in our respective academic journeys and there are unrealistic expectations of us that can truly impact our mental wellbeing. I keep reminding myself that my disappointment will always be more devastating than other people's about me, so I always do what *I* believe it's best for me. Great video :)
You talked about traumatizing yourself to force yourself to not care about others' expectations in you. I always had this problem, and whenever I decided to stop caring about what others think of me I always returned back, and it was impossible to get rid of it. BECAUSE YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH THE FEELING OF BEING AN OUTCAST (it's just a feeling) (TL;DR get rid of drama, learn to focus and you'll be less of a people pleaser) Until last year, a person (still not sure if it was her) had a little drama with me, sort of a misunderstanding (things that happen every now and then, never thought it would come to this), and she slandered me with "traumatizing" accusations (the accusations keep getting more and more creative and weird till this day), soon the circle of slander grew until it covered several buildings where I work, and had from 40 to 80 people constantly harassing me and giving me remarks (I was even followed and had to change my route to my house every day). At first, it put great pressure on me, because I didn't like what people were saying about me, and spent huge efforts trying to "clean my reputation", then the pressure was extremely hard and I remember that I couldn't even explain the issue to my boss because I desperately wanted to ignore their presence. Then it grew so hard and I had to close my social media accounts and adopt a focus no talk personality, then I discovered the joy of not caring what others think, it's so liberating, and the way to achieve it is simply through focus and detachment from people. Of course, I had to go through trauma to learn to resist the temptation of people-pleasing. (The thing about the slander is still going on, and I don't have the energy for a legal procedure, I just learned to block the drama).
Unless and until what we do doesn't exactly harm people around us, they and we should not care what they think of us. Thank you Elizabeth for another amazing one :)
Shes so incredibly relatable. I feel like she makes these videos as a reminder for herself too. also HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU EDIT this new style of yours. the words popping faster than blink of an eye.
this line hit me " there are no person to say he/ she last video was very bad but this video is awesome" so relatable bcz whenever I am going to do any good thing in life past failure comes in my mind that made my mood off.....thanku so much for making life lesson video
Elizabeth - It is almost impossible, if not just human nature itself, for any of us NOT to be concerned over what other people think about us. So, deflection techniques, as you have comprehensively identified can, and should, be applied to ease the effects. Personally, my "go-to" technique on this issue is comprised of two simple rules that I use - sometimes before - but - far too often - after my actions; "If it doesn't help you grow - then - just let it go" "It's good to be me" (trust me - no conceit intended or implied in this comment). Stay well.
This helped me so much. Everytime someone asked me anything I would always say yes even when I didn't want to do it. But sometimes it is just so stupid. So now after this video I learnt that I will do what I want to do not something someone else want me to do. Thanks Elizabeth
I relate to you so much. I feel like I've had a similar childhood to yours as a fellow overachiever and have basically the same struggles as you. It's so validating to listen to your videos and realize that I'm not weird and I'm not the only one like this and I'm not the only one going through these changes in mindset. It's such a relief and it helps me in my journey so much to have found someone who went through the same experience and talks about it so openly. Even the way you talk about yourself, how your brain functions and how you structure your life feels so fitting for the way I think and function.
Thank you so much for this video.I really wish I saw this sooner but I'm glad I did now.The last year my social anxiety and peer pressure were the worst ever.I'm hoping to not let that happen this year.I'm an introvert and I'm also not a confident speaker.I break up, stutter, etc. so that's something that really intimidates me.But I believe and know I'm very intelligent and I will attract the people who truly understand me.I will try not to care about the rest
Yes, you are just sitting but I don't care where you are but what you say. Since I started watching your videos I feel like I can search for more value in my life and work harder to achieve my goals. You inspired me to be more deep about my decisions just like you are deeper about ur interpretation on paintings.
I don't know what Elizabeth studies and where she gets such beautiful quotes every time they flash on the screen in her past few videos after listening my mind fells a bit of pleasure like dopamine release and makes me feel happy and think about it like damm that's true. Anyway good stuff thanks for the video.
Ibid my previous comment about “Shut Your Monkey: How to Control Your Inner Critic and Get More Done” book & supplemental podcast! The algorithm has been recommending this channel for a while. Having binged the back catalogue I see why. Looking forward to enjoying the question induced, insights illuminated & journey ahead. Please, just mindfully cogitate on introspective ahimsa.
That point about shutting off the parts of your brain that are screaming “this is an embarrassment” was instantaneously liberating. It kind of reminded me that we’re all just a unique collection of cells anyway. Kind of soothing 😂
I have watched a couple of videos so far, and I like them very much. One thing I really liked on this on is that youare speaking a little but slower compared to the other ones I watched. :D Great content!!
1:36 THIS. QUESTION. is so important to me right now because I'm at my teenage overthinking stage and it's geniuinly effecting me loads these days. This question is so thought provoking to me and such an innovate way of convincing myself for certain things in life.
I relate to this so hard- both because I feel like I've been hugely shaped by expectations around me, and also because I feel like the most boring person ever haha. loved this video Liz
I have watched so many of your videos for the purpose of improving my listening skill in English, but i found a great community and shared interests between us. So i no longer watch you videos for that purpose, i am watching them to accumulate more information and knowledge about the topics you are talking about, especially about photography. I adore the way u explain things. Thanks you for all your efforts.
you are wayy COOLER that you know! keep going we all are here week after week to see your brilliant content.. That on it's own is such a huge achievement
The motivation everyone needs 🙏 Thanks a lot for waking up my sub-conscious mind. Now i know what video i need to watch when im not motivated enough. ☺️
Thank you for sharing! Brilliant, as usual. At the same time, I always try not to lose sight of the fact that each of us performs many roles in social life, and they come with duties and responsibilities: we are sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, partners and friends, citizens and human beings. I particularly always try to remember that I belong to a privileged group, profession, gender, and generation. All these roles and privileges, and the duties attached to them, will inevitably create expectations in others. Just as we expect things from other people according to any of these roles too.
Like you, I was the overachiever in school, (in pretty much everything actually). I've only recently (last 2-3 years (im in my mid 30s)) began to force myself to ignore those parts of my brain, like you mentioned. It's not easy, but when I'm able to do it, life is much more enjoyable. I've been told that age helps with this particular problem. Something I've struggled with is wondering how much more enjoyable my past would have been if I was able to do this sooner. I wonder what it is that causes some of us to care so much about what everyone else thinks to begin with. My personality type is INTP. I wonder how that plays into the equation.
Good video, Elizabeth. I agree almost on all points except for point 2. People tend to get biased with someone famous or someone who they like. As the result, whatever those famous people do, it's considered the best. Imagine a celebrity. They can simply wave their hand, and everyone is going to hail: 'It was awesome!'. On the other hand some people may be doing a really good job, but nobody notices. So the more famous a person gets, the more famous the person becomes. It's a kind of 'self-enhancing process' which is not good at all. But we have to admit that it's true.
When did you first start taking steps to avoid hiding behind 'I'm only doing this because my mum wants me to...' and how long did it take before you felt comfortable doing so?
I definitely need to try this, I'm always trying to please others and when it comes to youtube I'm always so shy when it comes to talking on camera. But sometimes having a cup of tea helps. Brilliant video Elizabeth😊🙌
I see one thing in my life. People who find something very disturbing in his/her life. Gradually they find the method of how do deal with it. If your intentions are serious about that.
Percentage% When we check, give us power , For example in Many Countries passing marks are 33% out of 100%/ If total numbers 100/ 33 , means a person have 33% , He passed that subject.Thanks sharing.
I literally have to save your video for a specific time to watch it , so I can fully enjoy it .. haha .. please share more wisdom about minimalist and time management and stress management tips .. thank you
love this video, thanks for normalising small everyday failures and that nagging voice of negative talk in our heads. your desk setup loooks amazing too! could you do a tour one day?
My flex is that I was literally second or third in everything......everything! My parents gently reminded me that I shouldn’t whinge about constantly coming in runner up because the other 100 people would have LOVED to be in my place. Food for thought....
I am going to miss these hair...!! Liz's obsession for black colour has reached another milestone...!! Waiting for new look though needless to say you will nail that as well but still I liked these...!!
people's opinion matters, it's not bad to look for it all the time, it's hard to be right all the time, having multiple people's aproval is a good way to monitor ur performance and adjust acordingly, keep listening to feedback , it helps.
I came to your channel through recommendation... And I only watched 2-3 videos on your channel and since then it has become my favourite channel.. . . You are absolutely amazing 👍 Keep it up✌️
I know you don’t care (and you shouldn’t!) but I also don’t care that you don’t care. But Your videos make my day. That is all (again, you should make videos regardless of whether other people like them or not!)! 🙌
Ma'am in our area people always judge and compare with others whether it is degree , income, look etc . Thats why I ignored all and just focusing on my carrier and future. Thanks it will help us !
Of course when someone knows me that means that now I have to act how he or she expects from me for the rest of my life. The problem comes when two or more different persons that know me are looking at me at the same time, like, in my birthday. That requires some personality juggling. And when I grow up and I have to see someone again and show that I changed... that´s so damn hard,, that does break expectations.
An alternative breakdown for the hostess, and anyone else. There are two parts: 1) the validity, or lack their of, of comments, or premises that others put forth. 2) the motives of the person - positive or negative. I submit that you have to assess the first part by holding up to objective reality via critical analysis methods for truth, or falsehood reading. Then you want to know the motives of people around you. So as much as that soundbyte - "I don't care what others think" is some what popular, it is really a vague reductionist, and inaccurate premise. In short, you should care what others think and what's motivating them, as it informs you about what can he expected of/from them. You can properly say: I don't care about others "subjective valuations". That is exactingly defined. Say a friend of her's says they think women should wear dresses - never trousers. That is a subjective position. It can be ignored ...not cared about. That said: yes kudos - you must steer your own ship. On social confirmation. Correctly noted as not a good idea. Doing for the sake of satifaction of others without consideration for your personal satisfaction - is not healthy. What is a good idea is objective confirmation whenever such confirmation is possible (which is tied to that which has objective metrics for verification).
For me I don't care what other people or friends think, I don't care how other people or friends feel. Nowadays no one cares ! For me I do what I want, I say what I want..... as long as I feel happy ! Thank you for your video.
