How I Woke Up: The Guilt of a JW Mom 

I also despised field service…even when I pioneered. It always bothered me that we’d knock on their door at 9 am Saturday morning, ask them really deep personal questions like their belief about God, death, world hunger etc and then get back in the car and scoff at them for not having well prepared answers. As if we were better because we had prepared scripts.

Left in 2009 because I new I was gay and going to take my own life if I didn't walk away. I lived with so much pain and guilt since the age of 7 when I new I was different. I woke up because of videos like this one. I was so unhappy and told myself I needed to see how bad or good the world outside is. Fast forward to now, I'm so glad I listened to my inner voice and critical thinking. It literally saved my life. I lost my support system, family and friends but gained a huge ex JW Family. Thanks for telling your story. It means so much to others who feel they are trapped. It gets better and you realize there is unconditional love out there. Sending you and your family a Big Gay Bear hug from me in Nor Cal. I look forward to more videos.

I was a kid in a fundi Christian, nationalist, cult because my mom married into the hellhole. My mom and I got out when I was a preteen. She died when I was very young but know that I never in my life would blame her for anything. Gaslighting, guild and shame, a snitching culture were powerful tools for the leadership to keep people down. I'm proud she got us out. That's all that matters.

I feel your story so much. I was raised as one. (4th generation) and baptized at 10 years old. Gave up my nursing dreams to pioneer (totally regret that) and now I’m married and have three young kids. I’m thankful I am not raising them as one and they are happy and thriving but because I recently woke up it’s now the battle of telling my parents we are done with the organization and possibility of being shunned by my family. Also the reality that my kids relationship with their grandparents is going to be strained is heartbreaking. It truly is cruel what they do and it’s so frustrating that I can’t express what I believe now to my parents because they will tell me that Satan has a hold on me. Sending you and your family love! Thanks for sharing your story!

Religion promises a lot, but so often delivers the dysfunction and despair that you describe in your videos. I am so glad that you and your family found your path out.

Hi June ! Thank you for being brave & sharing with us. I’m a 3rd generation born in. I was fortunate to have an inactive father so my mother wasn’t really in a position to push towards baptism & nobody had real expectations of me. I physically left in my late teens, but the guilt & indoctrination rotted me to the core. A few years ago, I left an abusive relationship so being in a vulnerable state, what happened ? My mother swooped in with her beliefs (because that’s what they do) feeling as strong as ever being freshly remarried to an elder & I studied with her for over a year. But now that I was an adult with critical thinking, nothing she taught resonated or made sense to me. Just like you, I started looking online after my little brother sent me a video from RU-vid. Down the rabbit hole I went & boy did the mental awakening hit me like a ton of bricks. Lloyd Evens really explained everything in a way that made everything so clear. I then discovered Wally & Jake whom I adore, watching all their videos as they come out. I can finally deconstruct the brainwashing. I’m 4 months sober for the first time in my life, in therapy regularly, on the healing path. Sending you loads of love ♥️

June thank you for posting your video. I recently just woke up to the JWs nonsense last yesr. Covid gave me more the time to research and read the Bible. Glad you guys are awake!

I appreciate your story and the courage you have to share it. To think this “perfect organization” is god inspired when it is run by “heinous” men is ultimately what led to my leaving. In 2014 our congregation was building a new hall. A few days into the groundbreaking my son committed suicide. An elder who was in charge of scheduling the assignments at the build emailed me and asked if I was going to make my shift for security. I hadn’t even made the funeral arrangements yet! (He was well aware of the situation.)That’s when I really started questioning the organization. Obviously there is more to my story, but that’s just the one that hit me the hardest. I understand the guilt of thinking we are doing something good for our children and learning how much they had to endure growing up as JW children. I wasn’t raised as a JW but had exposure because my dad converted so he could marry a witness when I was 6 years old. Keep telling your story! Not everyone has the courage to do so.

Thank you so much for sharing. I also was born and raised JW up to the age of about 12 in South Africa. I remember always being an outsider in school, because of my mother's beliefs. I remember also, always feeling an outsider in our congregation, since the time can remember. My father was disfellowshiped and when he and my mother got divorced when I was 10, especially the women in the congregation, made life so hard for my mom that she gave up going to meetings (to my huge relief) When I was 31 my mom decided to go back to the JW and 26 years later she still tries to convert me back, which I of course resist. I am a logical person and cannot believe how skewed some of the arguments for JW beliefs are.

I gotta share this experience, I was around 19 or 20 at the time living on my own so I guess 03 or 04, I was working as a Security Guard at the time and I was working a High School Graduation at a Recreation Center that had been rented by low and behold JW’s! There were some JW’s there that I knew and they were giving me scathing looks because I was in uniform and carrying a gun and duty belt. So they had a prayer and the festivities began, what type of Festivities? Vulgar, foul hip/hop music being played by a DJ, lights went out and I saw rank and file witnesses twerking and grinding and Elders out there dropping it like it’s hot. I just stood there with a big grin on my face enjoying their hypocrisy, and someone actually had the stones to come up to me and try to Witness and give me magazines!!!! Oh how I threw that in my JW mother’s face, her response “ Well Witnesses are imperfect but what makes us different is that we try to the right thing and most of us live clean lives….” I was like “ Sure mom, you tell yourself what you have to to defend your charade”.

omg i couldn't stop watching this even for a second. your voice is mesmerizing and your story is sad and so very relatable .

Your story had me glued. Thanks for sharing and looking forward to the next exciting episodes.

Thank you so much for your story June!! It was so compelling and real. I woke up around 2010 and did the "slow fade" as well. My mistake was doing research about religion and finding out all the JW dirt they try to hide. I too got called in and was summoned to explain why I was asking all these questions? I literally was told to not be concerned with things that no one can explain. I told myself if this is the truth they should not be concerned with me reading things that JWs don't publish. Wrong, they were, lol. After that I was out. It was stories like yours that I stumbled upon on the internet that got me thru those lonely years by myself. So Thank you for sharing you are awesome and such a beautiful person inside and out. They said that we wouldnt make it on outside once we left the "Truth". But here we all are. Stay Strong My Sister!!!! 😘

Listening to your story I caught myself nodding and checking the box. I was born in (1960) and oh my there is so much to tell. Where would I begin ... Thank you for sharing! We really do need to get our stories out there. These are not just stories but events that effected our lives. Much love to you!

What a beautiful, strong being you are! Inside & out! Share & give your smile & LAUGHTER as often & as much as possible! It's SPECTACULAR! THANK YOU!

43:32 June! I am in tears watching this. Girl, you have a story!! This is so powerful. My heart is with you. 🌹❤️

You are an incredibly strong woman. Your story is so raw, real, authentic, and heart wrenching, I'm sobbing! God does love you June, big hugs from Maine

You just made me laugh with the baptism story! I too was baptized as a teenager (baptist church) and all I could think about was how my long curly hair was going to look wet and how it would frizz as it dried! In my 60s now and not a Baptist 😄

An emotional journey for sure. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to more insight of you’re waking up.

Thank you so much for this video and your previous ones as well. They are both infuriating and validating to my own situation, as I am sure to many of us. I too credit JT and Lady Cee with helping me a lot when I woke up. Neil, 'The Great Apostate' also sat on video chat and helped me immensely years back. All of you are remarkable individuals. 🌹

So true, I also as child had so many doubts but somehow forgets or pushes aside those and continued believing and after all till my awakening, was taking my child to meetings and service. I realized it’s THE COMMUNITY POWER. Just the power of peoples gathering can control us.

Thank you for this. I appreciate and relate to so much of this video and you. If you or any of your viewers want to ever talk about and heal from our past, I’m here. Sending love and healing and hope all are doing amazing. We all deserve happiness and peace.

I appreciate you and your family sharing your story! I had the same feelings about wanting to be with my family even if I only have this life. I wouldn't want to be in the new system without them. I've been out of the JW's for 18 years and have been so much happier.

Don't worry about going into detail, or taking too long, as you are a compelling story teller.

June, Never Forget, Your stories and videos are Always Interesting! I have already subscribed and enjoy listening to you express your Honest and down to earth views and Your Grand Love you share with all of us! Thank-you So Much for this, It is Very Much appreciated. You have been through a lot and You're Very Brave and strong to do what you do! I hear you and totally understand that it wasn't easy for you at times in the past among the organization. I'm Glad you woke up and can see that you're being your true self and encourage us to do so. We can see that your new life is a happier one. Thanks Again. Best wishes ❤️

Thanks for sharing your story June. I would gamble that the Watchtower has created more athiests and agnostics than any other organization. It happened to me in the mid 1970s a year or two after I left but I didn't stay that way. About 10 years ago I started studying Christianity from a Protestant perspective and started to realize that that the god of the Watchtower had nothing to do with the Bible. I'm a born again Christian now. I'm not preaching to you June. I just wanted to let you know that I know where youre at right now, and you never know where life will take you. ❤❤❤❤

Really enjoyed your story and I saw your son’s interview earlier that was really good. When you get away for awhile you can really see things clearly, makes me sad so many of my friends and family are still DEEPLY entrenched. I can’t come out openly and lose them all, and that is sad in itself. It’s wonderful to have ppl like you and your family that are brave and come out with your experiences. Thank you and blessings to your beautiful family. ❤❤

Thanks for sharing your story so sincerely. Your comments about being the 19yo bride without your father walking you down the aisle struck a sore spot with me as I was on the opposite side of that, unable to walk my daughter down the aisle as I had disassociated. Your perspective as the daughter then (Dads ruining my day) and now you are out touched me. My daughter is still in. One day I hope she will also wake up and we can work on fixing our stalled relationship. The whole teaching about being made to forget your loved ones that God killed is so crazy. I too have guilt over raising my kids in it. My son recalls a drama that put huge emphasis on the sorrow you were causing your family if you left, and he knew he didn't believe it then but was trapped by the obligation and guilt of the sorrow he would cause by speaking up. When he did he helped me wake up so I am thankful

Thanks June for sharing your story. I admire your courage in giving us a glimpse into your journey. I almost cried with you when you talked about that lady telling you that your family wasn't going to be in "paradise". Just keep walking in your truth. Peace.

Thank you, for your story. Your courage is remarkable. Keep your head up Sis. Much love ❤️

congratulations on your up and coming 30th wedding anniversary. i left the organisation around 97/98 and I met my now husband shortly after,...we have been married 18 years :)

Thankyou for sharing this testimony. I grew up as a JW. Lost my mother at 5 due to no blood transfusion. My bro was a twin n his twin didn’t make it. This is why I decided to get into nursing. My entire family is now Born again Christians. I always knew it was off n wrong. My discernment as a child kbew it was wrong. I almost got molested by two females. It’s terrible my dad still feels guilt for my moms death. Glad we woke up from the lies of the Watchower masonry. 😢. It takes years to get over the lies. Glad we don’t love in condemnation anymore! God bless you! Stay strong! Forgive those who are lost n blinded n accept God’s grace

Thank you so much for sharing your story. This will make a difference for so many people.

Fantastic video, Lots of the same questions you had I had..crazy how that organization plays with people. The actual members help me wake up with their silly behaviors and thinks they said. I also like you said to my self.. I don't want to be in a new system with these people, I want to be with my family. It is important for people in the world to know what a dangeourous cult does to a person. Sharing your story is a great way to do it and it is in tune with many other experiences. You are are taking a stand to help others know that we all have to protect our selves. Like you, I grew up on it and believe it was what they told me..the true. I am thankful for technology and social media that is helping all of us see stories like yours. Also amazing survivors like you doing amazing work to help us all. If we look in the world wide news , Lots of bad things are and have been happening do to what the organization does to people. 1000's have died every year do to Suicide, death do to unscriptural blood refusol, metal health problems, and many others. Colorado couple took their lives in front of the Hall last weeks incident. The organization keeps making up rules based on assumptions and is killing many people.. They know. I remember telling one elder about four years ago.. that he has to be very careful with what they advise. Playing with people's lives and families never end well. If you are not a professional do not give an advise that will hurt the next person. Organizations like these should not be in this world. Thank you for your story and keep strong..

I never felt true love in the org from the congregation, It always felt fake. Its hard to realize what you were raised to believe in was not true. After 10 years of not believing, I still have my bad days. Glad you, husband, and kids made it out. It comes across that you guys have a great relationship. I'm willing to bet its much better than before in the org. Every religion thinks it is right. They all can't be right ... but they can all be wrong.

Hello June , I want to thank you so much for your videos and for sharing your story with all of us ! I can relate with you on so many things ! We definitely have a lot in common and it’s so nice to know that there are others out there that feel the same as I do ! I’ve been gone from the society for about 10 years now and it’s honestly been the best 10 years of my life ! I look forward to seeing more of your videos and hope you continue to find peace in your lives ❤ and by the way I love your Xmas tree 🌲 ❤

Just goes to show you how quickly they are ready to kick those who are not emotionally well to the curb. If you don't pretend to be perfect you are low man on the totem pole. Thank you for sharing your story.

Thanks for sharing your story. Even if we're no longer JW, we can still share the love. Believers or not, I appreciate you and your husband and I hope all is well with your recovery

Thank you for sharing your story. It was very interesting. And you have gone through so much. I know you may not think so, but there's a lot you have shared, let alone what you didn't share. So happy for you that you have woken up and had your family to welcome you, along with the exjw community. Hugs from Australia 🦘🐨🌏

Thanks for sharing your story. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Hey June, loved the video! So many people came to mind as I watched your video. You reminded me a lot of this one sister I knew that just had a sweet hospitable and kind heart and just could tell she is just a genuine person, when you described that one elder I literally thought about my uncle who was such a tyrant and yet knew how to twist things in such a way that he was never wrong despite being the textbook definition of someone that should not be “lording it over”. Anyway just have to say I related so much to your story and want to thank you for sharing.

June, you are awesome and I thank you so much for sharing! You are so brave and inspirational! Live your authentic and true self and be happy my Dear!

June, just as a warning, what I’m going to say you may not find to be kind. Hopefully you find it to be VERY KIND! I love your story and that of your son. It’s refreshing to see that those of us that have left aren’t deranged as some of those still in would have you to believe. As you guys have shown, there are genuinely good people in this world. People that have hearts of gold and we feel things just as those inside the organization do, but now that we’ve left i would say we feel things on a much different level. Continue on with sharing what you and yours feel comfortable sharing and last but not least, Merry Christmas 😂 Edit: btw, I subbed on your first video 👍

Wow.. . Thank you for sharing your experience.

I'm so glad and happy that you are out! You are much too sweet and kind to have to put up with any of the jw cruelty. Keep strong lovey! Happy Holidays! ❤💥✌️

Thank you for sharing your experience

Thank you always sharing your heart!

Thanks for the wonderful video. I despised growing up as a JW. Especially being dragged door to door on Christmas day. What a blast.

Thanks for sharing your story. Yes, of course it was interesting! I'm glad you woke up and hope my aunt will also do the same, who has been a JW for about 25 years. She was always my favourite aunt, but has been disassociated with the rest of the family pretty much for the last 25 years too. Best wishes to you and yours for the future.

Thank you for ur testimony it was very much appreciated...looking forward for more of ur videos.

There is something about you, that I just feel is so open, honest and you have a heart filled with love! My heart feels like it recognises you from somewhere! I'm not sure why, as we have never met. But I feel like you are a safe, beautiful inside and out person! I could listen to your stories all day! I'm not a JW, I'm based in the UK and I just wanna thank you for your openness and your channel! It's very informative and interesting! You have created a awesome family and I hope to watch your progress on this channel for many years to come! Sending love from London, and 💞💞💞💞 🇬🇧

Hi June. I just watched your video. It was eye opening. I’ve never been a JW nor have I known any personally. You are a beautiful strong soul. Making these videos will help others and help your healing. I’ll look at more of your videos because you have a wonderful delivery next I love your voice. ❤Thank you. And all the best to you and your family.

Hello, June. I never comment, yet as a fellow Pittsburgher, I just had to tell you how much I am enjoying the content of your channel. I began watching former JW videos a number of years ago, as I could not find many folks talking about their break from a Christian fundamentalist upbringing. My story is not dramatic: I simply stopped church once I realized as an adult on my own, that no one cared whether I went or not. I've never been baptized in a church, although there was that "Jesus 1976" or thereabouts, when I was baptized in a stagnant pond on a farm in Mercer County at the age of 10 or so. Anyway, although I physically left religion, religion never left me. All of the beliefs continued to live rent free in my head. Finally, I began deconstruction. Stories of others leaving religion for freedom of thought and a more fulfilling life right here, right now, I will always find invaluable. Routing for your channel!

Hey June😊 just found your channel. Love your content, honesty and sharing your story❤ I know the guilt problem since my childhood, know the mental issue’s since my late teens. Mental health is not an issue in the jdub world, you just need to pray more. Thx for sharing ❤ Greetings from Denmark 🇩🇰

Wow such a wonderful intro start of this video, it’s like a documentary views. Excellent!

Thank you for sharing. I look forward to more videos of you and your family.

June I’m supporting you with a like & a comment. I subscribed immediately on a different video. I’ll be up front. The title alone is triggering. I feel your pain. I also seen your son that loves you immensely. Welcome out of the borg, it’s nice to meet you 💕

Thank you for sharing your story.

I finally got the opportunity to watch this video. I have no words except thank you. It takes so much strength of character to be so publicly vulnerable for the purpose of helping others. I cried with you when you spoke of the pain your daughter went through and the guilt you felt from that. Many of us have similar feelings, and we all feel with you.

Thank you for sharing your story ❣️. Our entire family of 6, my husband, me, and our 3 adult children, plus my mom, left in 2019 as well, faded. We are being actively shunned in our town, even though we were not DF nor DA. I subscribed and will watch your other videos.

Three cheers for your courage!!

You’re a very courageous woman, June. Good luck!

It was an emotional joy to hear your life story as and with the Jehovah's Witnesses. Assuming that Jehovah does not need anyone to fix his problems... and the basis is not opportunistic love... then this organization has perfected the subtle abuse of individual humans.

Congratulations for getting out. You're a hero of yourself.

Thank you for your story. We all have such unique stories and perspectives but also so similar. .thank you for your honest, heartfelt discussion.

Hello, I sure hope you continue to believe God loves you unconditionally. You and your family are free to breathe, heal, and grow. God bless you.

Just June This Was Good Thanks For Telling Your Story testimony

Unbelievable! “Once a bank robber, forever known as a bank robber. So how could I ever have my privileges back brother?”

Glad you had the fortitude to go to rehab- appearances are everything- pray, service, study is everything. Thanks for sharing. By the way, your hairstyle looks great!!! Enjoying my morning coffee while listening to your story. Sound could be louder. Have old computers and Bluetooth stopped working with one. Am not tech savvy.

I think it is very helpful. My perspective being raised as atheist and meeting (and dating) a JW (now POMO). I did study for about a year with them, but it just made me realize how wrong they are. This really helps me to understand how it is to grow up in live life as a witness. I really appreciate it!

Thanks for this great video!

1:00:05 girl!!! Lady C, JT, Wally, Jake, Jexit, and my girl Koco and now you!!! 🥰 soooi happy to connect. Your story is soooo powerful!!!!!

I'm going on 13yrs clean. Praise God 💯💪🏽👍🏾❤️

Hi just Jane I am a new subscriber in your channel i love the way you narrates your story

New subscriber... Out Since December of 2020.

Hi June! I have been watching your video and although I am not a jwer nor will I ever be one, I like to watch videos such as yours because I too want to see the bringing down if this cult once and for all!! As you know, God is about love and bringing people together NOT tearing families apart! The whole movement makes me 🤢 I too have a few questions for the high and mighty about the state of our world but I definitely feel that there is more good than evil in this world! You are so lovely and genuine and I congratulate you for getting out of there, and your family too! Bless you and may thus year be filled with good health and happiness❤️ Dagmar xx

Thanks for sharing your story so great you got out with most of your family! It’s a mix of emotions waking up a very complex trauma watchtower creates.

Merry Christmas June!

Your story is so powerful. I am a Christian and invited 2 young men into my home who were peddling JW. I told them right away that the JW was not my path. I challenged them with my living Bible and the book they were peddling. They were delightful but so misguided. They came back a few more times...trying so hard to change my mind. I am delighted you came to your senses but am so sorry for your fear as a child. God is so loving and so forgiving and so merciful. I wish nothing but the very best for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story. May the one true God..through his spirit..bring you true joy and love. I pray you find him. He is right next to you. You are truly lovely.

Thank you very much. Listening to you helped us a lot. .. thank you

Hi I just had to comment, I really really love your hair. Color style the works. I studied with JWs for a few yrs, I had a young son at the time, my parents told me if I stayed they would take my son away from me, so instantly I moved into Pentecostal. But in my heart I still fill that holidays are a waste of time. I don’t like decorating either

So many similarities growing up! the road ahead is bumpy after you leave because you are brainwashed for so long, the best thing be healthy, positive, eventually you will enjoyed "wordly"people and life, especially little things that were denied to us as little children!!! Thank you for sharing your life

I was raised by an alcoholic JW mom and an agnostic father...so you can say that there were issues. I was 7 when my mom joined the JWs and I remember very distinctly the Armageddon imagery and the nightmares I had for years after. I left my home at 15 and I haven't spoken to my mom in 16 years at this point. I love her but I can't talk to her so it's better for both of us. I hated God for a long time but I'm so happy that Jesus called me back and I have heard the Gospel. I wouldn't change a thing about any of that.

I enkoued your story. My 2 SIL were converts in their 20,'s we missed them terribly had holidays. Thank God they only stayed in for 7 years. ❤

Hi June, I just came across your channel. Me & my husband celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary in July. I felt exactly like you..I did not want to be in the new system of things without my husband, children & the rest of my family..that's no paradise!

Thank you for your heartfelt story. I've become very addicted to listening to Professor Bart Ehrman - who speaks similarly about his progressive disbelief in a God that continues to allow such awful suffering. I highly recommend his work.

Hi June. I just finished watching your video. I can relate as I was a JW and was kicked out in 1980. I always felt fear while in it and afraid of Jehovah being mad at me. I never felt the Love of God. Some of their beliefs never made sense. I remember asking about the babies and children of un believers and was told they would be destroyed. They are crazy for sure. My heart broke when you said you question God because of what's happening in the world. His heart breaks and you have to remember that he's given us free will as a gift. He would have had puppets if he hadnt. We are doing this to ourselves. He can't intervene although there are miracles everyday. There's a reason for everything and promises to turn A bad situation into something good although sometimes we don't know how. He is in control! He's going to make himself real to you. Glad your out of that cult.

Thank you for sharing

Hi June, another great video. Thanks for sharing. After leaving the JW borganization I went through all different levels of spirituality and searching for the “truth”. I finally landed on atheism after watching YT videos of Christopher Hitchens and watching the debates on YT’s Atheist Experience. Anyway, best wishes and Merry Christmas 🤓😎

Brilliant commentary!!!

in the times we're living, every testimony matters, yours and your family included!

i love your intro!!

You’ve got a beautiful voice June and I enjoyed hearing your story. Lots of similarities with mine. ❤

“Prince” is my favorite artist also… your dad knew what his music was all about, especially in the early days…. I’ve been using his song titles as my passwords, my current password is “purple-rain”😊❤️

Is there any possible way that you can put all of your videos out in Podcast form? I really really want to listen to your stories, but it is difficult for me to consume the RU-vid content. podcasts are much easier for me to listen to, while on the go. Great work, and I really hope to be able to listen to it ASAP.

Loved the "not sex" truth session. Made me smile!

Great testimony. I was never in, but close family members joined in the 70s so they could be saved. We see each other from time to time. Their kids and grand kids have left the religion. All the best in the future.

June , I had now idea how corrupt theJW organization was and is! This is mind blowing! I am so sorry for the life long havoc that this has caused you. I am just speechless. The first video that I listened to was your talking with your husband. I wish I had heard yours first so I would have had a better understanding of what you have been through. These JW elders especially the heinous brother. They are just a group of narcissists who really only love them selves. I wish I could give you a hug❤. I grew up in a church that was so loving and forgiving towards the ones that had fallen out of church. Theses meetings you were called to were so ungodly and just plain wicked. It is so plain to me how beautiful and sweet you are. Inside and outside ❤

I was a ms pioneer when my drinking got out of control and too went to rehab. Of course I lost those “privileges”. The elders attempts to “help” were in the form of discipline. They are completely ignorant of the disease of addiction. In addition to stop drinking I woke up in rehab. I realized my spirituality was wrecked and wanted to figure out why, how. Studying wt pubs and the Bible confirmed that the org was personally damaging to my mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.

Wow! Your daughter was the first one to wake up for years. That’s gotta be a torture for her. Just wondering, what year did you wake up?